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Poly relationship ?
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"I was in a relationship with another woman for a while, and I'm married.
Communication and establishing boundaries are key xx"
Same here.
I (hubby) was seeing a woman for a couple of years in a more FWB sense but it was what it was.
Wife has always been open to having a girlfriend but never happened...yet. She's not interested in seeing other guys but she knows she can if she wants.
We've both discussed the possibility that if we met the right lady under the right circumstances we are not against the idea of becoming a thruple but we do not expect it to happen nor is it something we actively seek.
You're absolutely right though. Communication and establishing boundaries are key. We've been together 25 and into this lifestyle for 23 years. If there had been any issues or we had not been honest with each other , we'd have shut it down there and then. Our marriage is to important.
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
Yes. Like mono relationships, they can be very different depending on the people and dynamics. You might decide there is one partner who has a say plus one or more others, or maybe not. Try to establish the level of detail shared so that you can be honest with all involved without flaunting or hurting anyone’s feelings. If you are constantly guarding someone’s feelings, that person isn’t really poly. For me, each person is a different type of adventure , fulfilling different needs. |
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"My wife has mention it and now im thinking about letting her"
I have been polyamorous for years but only really put a name to it in my early 30s my longest poly relationship was 8 years with my now ex partner and during that time 2 years with an additional partner, what are your thoughts on how you want your poly relationship to be? Will it be just your wife dating other women or will you be comfortable with her dating other men? Also what about yourself will you want to date other women aswell and if so is your wife comfortable with that?
Poly relationships can be a beautiful thing and make you so happy but require a lot of open honest communication regarding feelings, this can be the hardest part for some people and was to be honest the cause of the end of my 8 year relationship so be prepared for some hard points and lows.
As others have mentioned communication is the key to polyamory without it things will go bad, neither of you can hide your feelings from each other or for that matter the other people involved as you need to remember that you are forming relationships and really everyone's opinions should be considered and taken into account. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not in one but have been thinking a lot about whether it’s something I should try after a few failed goes at monogamous and exclusive single partner setups.
Be really good to talk to people here who are poly or thinking the same way. And nope it’s not just about having sex with multiple people. For me I think it’s more than that. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We have been married 24 years but do believe it’s possible to have other special people in your life as well as your primary soul mate
Does that help?"
Yes, i love my wife obviously but she says i don't show her enough affection but she knows i love her but misses that kind of stuff. Im not great at it i must admit, we have good sex but its fucking rather than making love which she does enjoy, so she is now thinking about finding a man that can give her that in a different way.
Is it a dangerous game ? |
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"I always thought poly was when 3 people were seeing each other, all living and sleeping together "
polyamory is so much more than just that, it can involve multiple relationships with multiple different partners all fully aware and accepting of the other relationships it doesn't have to be limited to a triad, it could be two couples that are in a relationship with the oppositsex partner from each couple or even two fully bisexual couples with a quad relationship or for that matter even more complex polyamory does after all mean many loves  there isn't a set number of people that you can love at anyone time or a set formula for how the dynamic should work |
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"
Yes, i love my wife obviously but she says i don't show her enough affection but she knows i love her but misses that kind of stuff. Im not great at it i must admit, we have good sex but its fucking rather than making love which she does enjoy, so she is now thinking about finding a man that can give her that in a different way.
Is it a dangerous game ?"
Ok it can be risky if your not in a stable place in your relationship. Hopefully are have a great one!
Just make sure that you speak alot about everything before you jump in. Cover every possibility. Speak about your feelings. Be honest and open. Because if you do it just to please your wife, you may feel that your not in a happy place when it begins and you could run the risk of losing what you have.
Sorry for the doom and gloom but its not a lifestyle that everyone can do and be happy in.
But on the other hand it could work perfectly for you. Research as much as you can  |
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We understand poly relationships fairly well.
The important point made about your wife saying she needs to be shown more affection is the alarm bell ringing loudly.
If sex is only fucking, then you're going into it for completely the wrong reason.
Much like couples who try swinging to improve their relationship.
There's only one way that it will end.
A lady who is seeking more affection, physically and emotionally, is not at an ideal starting point for a new poly relationship.
Just our view of course....
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I agree with the above
Swinging is just about sex in the main.
Whilst a mental connection can be made it’s normally within a specific window, say the build up to a meet or the actual meet.
After that the partners normally reclaim each other and share cerebrally and not in a poly emotional circle.
The exception can be cuckolding of course. A man has to enjoy the feeling of humiliation and not everyone can take this.
Sexual humiliation is separate to everyday humiliation.
Any thoughts? |
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"We understand poly relationships fairly well.
The important point made about your wife saying she needs to be shown more affection is the alarm bell ringing loudly.
If sex is only fucking, then you're going into it for completely the wrong reason.
Much like couples who try swinging to improve their relationship.
There's only one way that it will end.
A lady who is seeking more affection, physically and emotionally, is not at an ideal starting point for a new poly relationship.
Just our view of course....
"
This is actually some solid advice.
When it comes to this lifestyle and all it's variants, you shouldn't be doing anything to "improve" relationships. It can certainly enhance it but improve isn't a good view.
Your relationship should be the thing that fulfills you. Swinging and all it's variants are just icing on top of that. If it's not fulfilling you, no amount of fooling around with others is going to fill that void and will probably just make it worse.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We understand poly relationships fairly well.
The important point made about your wife saying she needs to be shown more affection is the alarm bell ringing loudly.
If sex is only fucking, then you're going into it for completely the wrong reason.
Much like couples who try swinging to improve their relationship.
There's only one way that it will end.
A lady who is seeking more affection, physically and emotionally, is not at an ideal starting point for a new poly relationship.
Just our view of course....
"
That is my fear i agree with you |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Yes, i love my wife obviously but she says i don't show her enough affection but she knows i love her but misses that kind of stuff. Im not great at it i must admit, we have good sex but its fucking rather than making love which she does enjoy, so she is now thinking about finding a man that can give her that in a different way.
Is it a dangerous game ?
Ok it can be risky if your not in a stable place in your relationship. Hopefully are have a great one!
Just make sure that you speak alot about everything before you jump in. Cover every possibility. Speak about your feelings. Be honest and open. Because if you do it just to please your wife, you may feel that your not in a happy place when it begins and you could run the risk of losing what you have.
Sorry for the doom and gloom but its not a lifestyle that everyone can do and be happy in.
But on the other hand it could work perfectly for you. Research as much as you can "
I obviously have my concerns about what she feel she needs and emotions and feelings can be complicated and hard to control |
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
"We understand poly relationships fairly well.
The important point made about your wife saying she needs to be shown more affection is the alarm bell ringing loudly.
If sex is only fucking, then you're going into it for completely the wrong reason.
Much like couples who try swinging to improve their relationship.
There's only one way that it will end.
A lady who is seeking more affection, physically and emotionally, is not at an ideal starting point for a new poly relationship.
Just our view of course....
"
I agree with you. If she’s looking for romance and affection and making love them there is a danger that she might find someone else and leave the OP.
Maybe the OP should try and be more romantic and loving even if they do find it difficult. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We understand poly relationships fairly well.
The important point made about your wife saying she needs to be shown more affection is the alarm bell ringing loudly.
If sex is only fucking, then you're going into it for completely the wrong reason.
Much like couples who try swinging to improve their relationship.
There's only one way that it will end.
A lady who is seeking more affection, physically and emotionally, is not at an ideal starting point for a new poly relationship.
Just our view of course....
"
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I am in one, and there is a difference between being poly, and being in open relationship.
It is an umbrella term, but poly is more about having secondary relationships (romantic and sexual) with more than one, open leans more towards being able to have sexual fun with someone outside of your primary relationship.
Just some language / terminology to be aware of.
Communication , open, transparent is key. Setting boundaries is also key too. |
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"We understand poly relationships fairly well.
The important point made about your wife saying she needs to be shown more affection is the alarm bell ringing loudly.
If sex is only fucking, then you're going into it for completely the wrong reason.
Much like couples who try swinging to improve their relationship.
There's only one way that it will end.
A lady who is seeking more affection, physically and emotionally, is not at an ideal starting point for a new poly relationship.
Just our view of course....
I agree with you. If she’s looking for romance and affection and making love them there is a danger that she might find someone else and leave the OP.
Maybe the OP should try and be more romantic and loving even if they do find it difficult. "
I agree. But at very minimum if she does go and do these things don’t stop her from talking about her experiences with you after. Ask her questions, show interest, laugh about it all with her- be her friend and show you trust and love her. You will increase your chances of being together and maybe even eventually exploring together. Let her do this alone and she may well emotionally start to disconnect from you. That’s more worrying. |
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As for the feelings and reasons for opening up your relationship, you have to discuss the reasons why.
If you are both monogamous, I suggest having the conversation about if you are open to or capable of having feelings for other people, without it being a threat to your relationship.
Love isn't finite resource, no one gets less love if feelings are involved.
If you are not open to having deeper feelings with others, you both need to discuss what you need to happen if this does crop up (none of us can help feelings)
If one partner is asking to open up rship to fill a part of the relationship that needs attention, that's not a good thing. However this is different to seeking out something you can't get from your current partner. |
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Yes! I am the 'hinge' in a straight mfm 'vee'.
Sometimes we play as a threesome, sometimes I date or go away with my boyfriend and I live with my husband.
We all came from a swinging background. Were super close as an mfmf 2 hotwiving couples. When he and his gf broke up it felt wrong for us not to connect with either of them.
For a while we were a swinging fmf throuple with his ex but then she caught vanilla and became mono.
We were enjoying bringing him in as the regular male guest star and at some point I caught feels.
I told my husband, we both really like this guy as a friend and hubby wanted me to explore that - knowing I will have to let him do the same one day.
Boyfriend was a big surprised at being propositioned to bring promoted to boyfriend status but really it's good for him and his life now.
There's no talk of love but we're loving and it's intimate emotionally charged meaningful sex.
Superfun.
I'm hooked. Don't want a 3rd guy in my life but will stay open to romance with the right person. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have in the past, it was bitterly disappointing due to a lack of communication and the other parties having narcissistic personalities.
I wouldn't do it again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes! I am the 'hinge' in a straight mfm 'vee'.
Sometimes we play as a threesome, sometimes I date or go away with my boyfriend and I live with my husband.
We all came from a swinging background. Were super close as an mfmf 2 hotwiving couples. When he and his gf broke up it felt wrong for us not to connect with either of them.
For a while we were a swinging fmf throuple with his ex but then she caught vanilla and became mono.
We were enjoying bringing him in as the regular male guest star and at some point I caught feels.
I told my husband, we both really like this guy as a friend and hubby wanted me to explore that - knowing I will have to let him do the same one day.
Boyfriend was a big surprised at being propositioned to bring promoted to boyfriend status but really it's good for him and his life now.
There's no talk of love but we're loving and it's intimate emotionally charged meaningful sex.
Superfun.
I'm hooked. Don't want a 3rd guy in my life but will stay open to romance with the right person."
This is are ultimate goal from our fab search/experiences, great setup and well done all 3!  |
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By *ove3funCouple
over a year ago
Cheltenham |
OP a poly relationship won't fill the gaps if your relationship isn't fulfilling for either of you. If it is and you want to explore other people then go for it. As others have said communication and boundaries are key.
Would you want to meet others too or just her? Why do you have a year old profile on here? |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"
Yes, i love my wife obviously but she says i don't show her enough affection but she knows i love her but misses that kind of stuff. Im not great at it i must admit, we have good sex but its fucking rather than making love which she does enjoy, so she is now thinking about finding a man that can give her that in a different way.
Is it a dangerous game ?
Ok it can be risky if your not in a stable place in your relationship. Hopefully are have a great one!
Just make sure that you speak alot about everything before you jump in. Cover every possibility. Speak about your feelings. Be honest and open. Because if you do it just to please your wife, you may feel that your not in a happy place when it begins and you could run the risk of losing what you have.
Sorry for the doom and gloom but its not a lifestyle that everyone can do and be happy in.
But on the other hand it could work perfectly for you. Research as much as you can
I obviously have my concerns about what she feel she needs and emotions and feelings can be complicated and hard to control"
If you know what she wants why don’t you just give it to her ? I think the mistake a lot of men make is thinking it has to come naturally, it doesn’t , you do it because she wants it, the fact it doesn’t come natural is even better, it’s service. Then you can have a really great swinging life that’s more about sex than attention |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We have been married 24 years but do believe it’s possible to have other special people in your life as well as your primary soul mate
Does that help?"
Well said |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My partner and I are both bi Poly and while we are madly in love with each other we also have separate love interests too. We are open and honest with each other and encouraging of each other’s connections and passion.
For us it works beautifully x |
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"Yes! I am the 'hinge' in a straight mfm 'vee'.
Sometimes we play as a threesome, sometimes I date or go away with my boyfriend and I live with my husband.
We all came from a swinging background. Were super close as an mfmf 2 hotwiving couples. When he and his gf broke up it felt wrong for us not to connect with either of them.
For a while we were a swinging fmf throuple with his ex but then she caught vanilla and became mono.
We were enjoying bringing him in as the regular male guest star and at some point I caught feels.
I told my husband, we both really like this guy as a friend and hubby wanted me to explore that - knowing I will have to let him do the same one day.
Boyfriend was a big surprised at being propositioned to bring promoted to boyfriend status but really it's good for him and his life now.
There's no talk of love but we're loving and it's intimate emotionally charged meaningful sex.
Superfun.
I'm hooked. Don't want a 3rd guy in my life but will stay open to romance with the right person.
This is are ultimate goal from our fab search/experiences, great setup and well done all 3! "
Again you are stunning, must have a massive line to join you guys |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We have experienced this 3 times. All 3 were with me(female) being involved with another female. I really enjoyed them and would do it again in a heart beat. |
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