FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Why do so many men make so little effort?

Why do so many men make so little effort?

By *ivinefox OP Woman over a year ago

Coventry

In both their profiles or their messages and still expect a response? It really frustrates me, because, as a woman, I not only need to feel safe with a guy, but would also like to get a sense of their personality.

It just comes across as lazy and doesnt make me feel inclined to respond to them. I've been on this site a long time, and I have met men from here, but only when there's been a spark. A Hi babe, how u doing, or whatever, just doesnt cut it!

Just why???

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By * F 2018Couple over a year ago

shropshire

"In both their profiles or their messages and still expect a response? It really frustrates me, because, as a woman, I not only need to feel safe with a guy, but would also like to get a sense of their personality.

Just why???"

Or its a copy and paste one message suits all lol

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By *arlomaleMan over a year ago

darlington

Perhaps you could give us a few pointers then op

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By *ustustwo.1965Couple over a year ago

"Perhaps you could give us a few pointers then op "

There are plenty of pointers on the Forum already.

All it needs is a little effort into looking for it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just why???"

Yeah...because no women on here have shit profiles....stop bashing single guys....love you x

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By *etwifeandhim69Couple over a year ago

Darlington

My wife has the same complaint to the point she blocked guys on her account.

As a man, I have put plenty of effort in on my single account. It has never paid off on fab though. I usually get no response or told "I wont meet married men" on here. I mean we are both swingers but whatever.

I suspect a lot of men expect an automatic no (if only due to the sheer number of single guy accounts on the site) so the probably dont feel like putting maximum effort in.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think sometimes you just have to give them a chance and not judge on the first couple of messages. We've had the pleasure of meeting and chatting to some genuinely amazing men and to be honest some of their first messages left a little to be desired but once we got into a conversation their personalities came through.

It can be hard to know what to say sometimes.

There are obviously still some guys who think fancy a fuck is a good opening and we delete those!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The same can be said for some women and couples on the site… it’s not just the men

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Not just men... Believe me

Her x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just why???"

I am sure it comes down to expectations and a sense of self importance

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just why???"

Sadly some (not all) men think swinging women = a woman who will shag anyone who asks.

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By *ersey GirlCouple over a year ago

Glasgow

"Perhaps you could give us a few pointers then op "

A man wanting pointers on a no effort thread hahaha

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By *arlomaleMan over a year ago

darlington

"Perhaps you could give us a few pointers then op

A man wanting pointers on a no effort thread hahaha

R"
well why not every little helps don’t see what’s funny about it to be honest perhaps like when I first started on fab 10+ years ago I didn’t have a clue and a lady I messaged gave me some pointers on how to go on when messaging it certainly helped me

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By *olymalelincsMan over a year ago

southend

I'm terrible with first messages thanks to a certain amount of social anxiety and it's probably one of the reasons I don't get many replies, I tend to wink rather than message first and see if I get a wink back or even a message to open a conversation. The stupid thing is once I am chatting I am fine and love a good interesting chat about some of the most random things.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think to be honest its a numbers game for most men. Message a 100 and get one response so quantity not quality, That is a sad reflection of male numbers on Fab.

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By *ersey GirlCouple over a year ago

Glasgow

"Perhaps you could give us a few pointers then op

A man wanting pointers on a no effort thread hahaha

R well why not every little helps don’t see what’s funny about it to be honest perhaps like when I first started on fab 10+ years ago I didn’t have a clue and a lady I messaged gave me some pointers on how to go on when messaging it certainly helped me

I found the irony amusing

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By *arlomaleMan over a year ago

darlington

"Perhaps you could give us a few pointers then op

A man wanting pointers on a no effort thread hahaha

I found the irony amusing

R"
easily amused

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Because we are all a bunch of cock hungry sluts that should be grateful of the offers and so horny we will fuck every single one of them, if necessary!

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By *orbidden eastMan over a year ago

london dodging electric scooters

Not all men are like that. but as for myself I put in the effort and it still doesn’t get me nowhere. so you can kindly see why most men are like this

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If it annoys as much use filters, don't let them mail you and make first contact yourself. Like a poster above, I've had some great conversations that started with a hi how are you. Id hate to be a single man on here they must have the patience of a Saint lol

I know there are some numpties but that's not just men and on the whole I've found most to be lovely.

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By *ockosaurusMan over a year ago

Warwick

Yours isn't, but I've seen plenty of females that complain about boring first messages, whilst their profile has zero information on it to use to start a proper conversation from.

Tbh, if I saw a profile like that, I just wouldn't bother messaging them.

It's not just guys that need to put more effort in, it's just that there are way more guys on the site so they stand out more.

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By *egasus NobMan over a year ago

Wandsworth

Just why???"

Comes down to a number game, you might say no but do the other ladies say no.

I have had meet from both just saying hi to detail convo.

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By *oneymitchMan over a year ago

Huddersfield

There are also plenty female profiles with ‘fill in later’ with no photos nothing. Also many females cba even messaging anymore and just send winks

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By *sm265Woman over a year ago

Shangri-la

I'm not expecting an introductory message to rival War & Peace, but I dont think it is unreasonable to expect that they take the time to read my profile before messaging & it is very obvious when they haven't.

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By *gent CoulsonMan over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

"If it annoys as much use filters, don't let them mail you and make first contact yourself. Like a poster above, I've had some great conversations that started with a hi how are you. Id hate to be a single man on here they must have the patience of a Saint lol

I know there are some numpties but that's not just men and on the whole I've found most to be lovely. "
some of us do have patience, it's a virtue I am blessed with, which is essential ad a single man on here

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I just rambled on mine... i didnt really know what to say

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By *aunchy RaccoonsCouple over a year ago

Exeter

"Perhaps you could give us a few pointers then op "

We'd start by adding a profile picture. We don't understand why it isn't a requirement.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I know there are some numpties but that's not just men and on the whole I've found most to be lovely. some of us do have patience, it's a virtue I am blessed with, which is essential ad a single man on here"

I can only imagine

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By *batMan over a year ago

Alicante, Spain. (Sometimes in Wales)

Id add that all people should be picture verified too.

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By *arlomaleMan over a year ago

darlington

"Perhaps you could give us a few pointers then op

We'd start by adding a profile picture. We don't understand why it isn't a requirement."
fair point but I think it should be down to the individual if they want to put a picture up

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By *arlomaleMan over a year ago

darlington

"Id add that all people should be picture verified too. "
what would that gain?

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By *inky-MinxWoman over a year ago

Grantham

"It really frustrates me, because, as a woman,

Just why???"

To frustrate women I guess

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By *inky-MinxWoman over a year ago

Grantham

Personally I think crap messages from men that cannot make an effort are great.

It's a quick way of knowing they are dull and not worth talking to

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By *man013Man over a year ago

Derby

To be honest I think the reason I don't make as much of a effort as in the past is I'll send a highly tailored message that takes some effort to write and I'll get ignored or just a simple hi how are you reply back but I get the exact same back from a generic run of the mill message that takes so much less effort so which am I going to be inclined to do. At the end of the day it's the double standard of wanting and specifying you want a tailored well made message but going onto reply with the laziest message known to man. If I feel it made a difference I would make more effort but I just don't think it does really and instead focus on building the conversation

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just why???"
.

We know exactly where your coming from! 98% just think your going to drop your knickers to anyone and everyone! And with very little effort lol

However every now and then you find the diamond in the rough that totally understands and gets it

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By *ackandtheunicornCouple over a year ago

liverpool

I think it just because it's a numbers game. Theres a 99.5% chance your highly thought out and well crafted message will not be responded to or even read so I guess many think why bother.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My wife has the same complaint to the point she blocked guys on her account.

I suspect a lot of men expect an automatic no (if only due to the sheer number of single guy accounts on the site) so the probably dont feel like putting maximum effort in."

Exactly, most women get a lot of messages so either mass delete without really looking at the profiles from the sender or just read the message and never respond.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just why???"

Cause they're idiots simples! That said there's an equal amount of women who don't have the decency to just say " no thanks " instead of deleting or ignoring ..rude!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We don't meet guys for several reasons but this is part of it. Most are useless. They don't care about the person, just the tits and somewhere to put their penis. Ladies are simply better ??

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Because they've got to work for it so hard

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Not all guys are the same. I have put thought into my messages. My profile may not be the greatest but I think it’s ok.

I jus suppose it’s down to that first reaction of attraction.

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By *ollydoesWoman over a year ago

Shangri-La

This place has turned into a manbashing market recently.

Why everyone is so concerned how others chose to run their profile baffles me. There are plenty of guys here who do bother. So why waste energy on the ones who you feel don't.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This place has turned into a manbashing market recently.

Why everyone is so concerned how others chose to run their profile baffles me. There are plenty of guys here who do bother. So why waste energy on the ones who you feel don't. "

Have to agree, some of the comments are uncalled for

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By *inky-MinxWoman over a year ago

Grantham

"This place has turned into a manbashing market recently.

Why everyone is so concerned how others chose to run their profile baffles me. There are plenty of guys here who do bother. So why waste energy on the ones who you feel don't. "

It always has been for as long as I've been on here.

And I agree, if one doesn't like a profile or message, just move on

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 20/05/21 20:41:52]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Strongly disagree with this topic. I for one try very hard and put a lot of effort in if and when I am lucky enough to be in the position to meet a single lady or a couple.

I’d expect the other party to try so why wouldn’t I do the same???

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By *arlomaleMan over a year ago

darlington

"Its a sex site not a job seeking website "
we know

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Its a sex site not a fucking job recruitment website

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By *arlomaleMan over a year ago

darlington

"Its a sex site not a fucking job recruitment website "
yep we know

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

All I will say after reading some of the ladies profiles on fab not all but some. any man who still wants to fuck after reading that crock of shit must be absolutely and completely fucking desperate.

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By *aramel.desiresMan over a year ago

Heathrow

"I think sometimes you just have to give them a chance and not judge on the first couple of messages. We've had the pleasure of meeting and chatting to some genuinely amazing men and to be honest some of their first messages left a little to be desired but once we got into a conversation their personalities came through.

It can be hard to know what to say sometimes.

There are obviously still some guys who think fancy a fuck is a good opening and we delete those!

Thank you M and M.

It is challenging to match the right message to the right person and their mood at the time. But the Fancy a fuck will never work and it helps filter out the laszy ones.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just why???

Cause they're idiots simples! That said there's an equal amount of women who don't have the decency to just say " no thanks " instead of deleting or ignoring ..rude!

Lol how is that rude?

Do you honestly think we have the time to be replying to every guy we don't fancy? Site rules state-no reply=not interested.

Simple.

FYI often when a lady replies with" no thanks" they get nothing but abuse

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By *inky-MinxWoman over a year ago

Grantham

"Its a sex site not a fucking job recruitment website yep we know

It's actually a swingers site not a sex site

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By *batMan over a year ago

Alicante, Spain. (Sometimes in Wales)

"I'd add that all people should be picture verified too.

what would that gain? "

Even as a single guy, I'm beginning to spot people contacting me just to see my private pics. It's obvious some of them are not who they pretend to be. God knows what some women get bombarded with!

Photo veri is so easy to do (and very discreet).

I think it would help sort the wheat from the chaff.

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By *arlomaleMan over a year ago

darlington

"I'd add that all people should be picture verified too.

what would that gain?

Even as a single guy, I'm beginning to spot people contacting me just to see my private pics. It's obvious some of them are not who they pretend to be. God knows what some women get bombarded with!

Photo veri is so easy to do (and very discreet).

I think it would help sort the wheat from the chaff."
it wouldn’t stop the lazy messages as you said it’s easy to get a photo veri there’s been loads of posts regarding this and maybe making people pay a fee to set up a profile and most have said it won’t stop the fakes and the idiots

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

just use it as filters ...i agree its not a man thing there are women and couples on here who want something for no effot as well and the reason is because it does work for some if thats there thing the so be it

i wont give advice.. im a big believer that only you know who you are and what you want and again its a big filter for me so leave folk to do what they want then if its not for you then its pretty clear rather that than alot on here who have asked for advice and now have the same boring profiles as the rest that asked ...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

and i must say ive met guys on here who have had zero profile but a good chat and pic exchange and had some cracking meets

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By *ublinGirl92Woman over a year ago

Hell

I don't understand why they put more effort into lying about reading my profile than they do actually reading the bastard thing.

"Loved reading your profile. Interested in meeting?"

Something about that message really makes me feel like my profile wasn't even glanced at. So fucking annoying!

And then when I point it out to them they actually lie saying they did read it!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It can be hard to know what to say sometimes.

There are obviously still some guys who think fancy a fuck is a good opening and we delete those!

This is a good point. I’ve had some good conversations after the first few messages were a little stale. Once each other’s personalities come through the messages just bounce back and fourth

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By *ig1gaz1Man over a year ago

bradford

It dosnt take a decent written profile or a pm message from someone.

Seen it many a time where A fab or even A wink can spark a convo off with someone there interested within.

Though why many expect the other party to message them after they have winked them I willl never get.

Pm them first as well as A wink.

Sometimes some can surprise you

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By *histlerMan over a year ago

Guildford

Sometimes I can see why as I get frustrated at taking time to put a profile together, read someone’s profile, tailor a message based on their profile, to just get nothing.

BUT… that’s a part of being a guy on fabs!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It dosnt take a decent written profile or a pm message from someone.

Seen it many a time where A fab or even A wink can spark a convo off with someone there interested within.

Though why many expect the other party to message them after they have winked them I willl never get.

Pm them first as well as A wink.

Sometimes some can surprise you

because alot of us mass delete winks and im not here to collect fabs and thats switched off ... a message is the only way for me and there are alot who feel that way too ... but as said if thats your way and its working for you then great carry on

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By *heNYCSausageMan over a year ago

Everton

I’d like to think I put a lot of effort into my opening message.

I always post a photo, and always try and quote parts of their bio to show I’ve read it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Some people are here for the easy sex, because swinger's are easy, right?.

Where as some here are actual swinger's and understand the lifestyle/hobby, however you choose to refer to it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just why???"

some of us make an effort!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I would never send a lady a message straight away saying please f**k me or message them with only chat in mind not dirty chat either and this is only my opinion you understand that most of the lady’s think that most blokes on the make.

Not this one I’m afraid I’m mad hatter yes I have issues big ones but I will never message a lady with derogatory or rude remarks

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Perhaps you could give us a few pointers then op

A man wanting pointers on a no effort thread hahaha

Irony is lost on some folks

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This place has turned into a manbashing market recently.

Why everyone is so concerned how others chose to run their profile baffles me. There are plenty of guys here who do bother. So why waste energy on the ones who you feel don't. "

Thank you, we're not all bastards, gets a bit much at times to be thought of that way, what happened to good manners!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don’t judge a book by it’s cover

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By *ucka39Man over a year ago

Newcastle

Just why???"

To be fair with your point yes it's true,but seems like it's catching on because most of the female account are starting to begin with fill in later

and no interests.

But whilst their is small talk women use this as a polite way, think at some point it may be due to confidence, nervous, but some are able to do more than a paragraph.

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By *rFitbodyMan over a year ago

Nottingham

I'll have to disagree with you bb. Since I've joined I've send plenty messages with lots of effort in them and trust me no woman appreciate it. For me connection is most important.Really trying to be honest and polite and not starting with talking bout fuck straight away but that never paid off. My mate told me I'm too nice and honest when messaging and that I should be more straight forward and kinky. Be clever here lol. Wish everyone all the best with finding what you looking for and still hope to start conversation with someone like minded. Happy swinging!

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By *heNYCSausageMan over a year ago

Everton

"I would never send a lady a message straight away saying please f**k me or message them with only chat in mind not dirty chat either and this is only my opinion you understand that most of the lady’s think that most blokes on the make.

Not this one I’m afraid I’m mad hatter yes I have issues big ones but I will never message a lady with derogatory or rude remarks

Apart from a piss take from here, I’ve genuinely never asked a girl to fuck me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just why???

Cause they're idiots simples! That said there's an equal amount of women who don't have the decency to just say " no thanks " instead of deleting or ignoring ..rude!

Lol how is that rude?

Do you honestly think we have the time to be replying to every guy we don't fancy? Site rules state-no reply=not interested.

Simple.

FYI often when a lady replies with" no thanks" they get nothing but abuse

As the OP suggested in original post, you ladies want guys to put some effort in, rather than just "fancy a fuck luv " ..so What's wrong with saying thanks but no thanks to those who you don't fancy meeting, but have actually tried, deleting and ignoring is the reason some guys return to caveman behaviour!

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By *lamorousBeautyLondonWoman over a year ago

London

Ye Gods, the bar has been set so low that even making the tiniest of efforts will work in the correspondent's favour - so you (hypothetical "you") have created a generic message template - we understand, numbers game etc etc. But at least insert the recipient's name or initials to show that you are addressing them specifically! Mention something in their profile. Read their profile and do not send a message if you are clearly not compatible - no need to get people's hopes up. It really is as basic as that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think a lot of men have joined the site with the preconception that the women are all easy and would meet any man at the drop of a hat.

Just because I enjoy swinging, doesn’t necessarily mean I will sleep with just anyone!

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By *aunchy RaccoonsCouple over a year ago

Exeter

"Perhaps you could give us a few pointers then op

We'd start by adding a profile picture. We don't understand why it isn't a requirement. fair point but I think it should be down to the individual if they want to put a picture up "

Having no profile picture is the same as listing an item on eBay without a picture, no chance anyone will buy.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just why???

Cause they're idiots simples! That said there's an equal amount of women who don't have the decency to just say " no thanks " instead of deleting or ignoring ..rude!

Lol how is that rude?

Do you honestly think we have the time to be replying to every guy we don't fancy? Site rules state-no reply=not interested.

Simple.

FYI often when a lady replies with" no thanks" they get nothing but abuse

I do totally get that. However, I sometimes get over 100 messages a day. And that’s with a very private profile and filters. It’s hard to reply to each and every person!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think a lot of time all you really need to do is send a face pic and a simple message... If they like you you will get response. I think it's the faceless message with only a couple of words is what people hate most.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Some people are here for the easy sex, because swinger's are easy, right?.

Where as some here are actual swinger's and understand the lifestyle/hobby, however you choose to refer to it."

so whats a real swinger ?? i thought it was a very wide spectrum ? just because some swingers want easy sex dont mean they are not swingers .. everyone has there own way the real swingers are the 95% to 99% on here who never visit the forums and then the masses who dont do clubs or socials who gets to tell them they are not swingers ?? yet they make up the main bulk ..

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By *ustBoWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

Well there's a pretty simple solution to stopping getting crappy messages that you don't like. Use your filters and cut right down on the amount you get or block men from messaging and go look for profiles you like and message them first.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Well there's a pretty simple solution to stopping getting crappy messages that you don't like. Use your filters and cut right down on the amount you get or block men from messaging and go look for profiles you like and message them first."

The other way is to be a single guy... You never get crappy messages... Or good messages... Or any messages...

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By *implynaughty1Couple over a year ago

stockport

"Its a sex site not a fucking job recruitment website "
true but still people need to be nice and honest

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Its a sex site not a fucking job recruitment website true but still people need to be nice and honest

So should I take off my CV then?

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By *orny PTMan over a year ago

Peterborough

"Don’t judge a book by it’s cover

People do that all of the time, every piece of clothing is your cover.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

op you need to remember its very hard for single guys on here. for every 1 female there are 50 males and most women already have a play mate

because of this, it mostly boils down to just physical attraction and a lot of the very attractive men are first in line. a witty pm will be easily missed if a hottie catches your eye

fab not a place that really promotes your personality

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just why???"

From a man's perspective, I always send woman a nice message. I will send a constructive message, with a bit about myself and asking questions about their profile but but because my message is their 108th message of the day it doesn't even get read haha.

I think that it must be a really difficult task for a woman to judge who the nice guys are and with so many messages in their inbox it must be an exhausting task too.

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By *arte_Blanche_NECouple over a year ago

Northern

Just why???

Cause they're idiots simples! That said there's an equal amount of women who don't have the decency to just say " no thanks " instead of deleting or ignoring ..rude!

Lol how is that rude?

Do you honestly think we have the time to be replying to every guy we don't fancy? Site rules state-no reply=not interested.

Simple.

FYI often when a lady replies with" no thanks" they get nothing but abuse

A lot come on here behaving that way in the first place, we stopped giving a thanks but no thanks the majority of the time a while back due to the desperate “are you sure?” replies back and the shit load of abuse some give because they can’t keep their toys in the pram.

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By *orny PTMan over a year ago

Peterborough

"op you need to remember its very hard for single guys on here. for every 1 female there are 50 males and most women already have a play mate

because of this, it mostly boils down to just physical attraction and a lot of the very attractive men are first in line. a witty pm will be easily missed if a hottie catches your eye

fab not a place that really promotes your personality "

That's so true, as there's no rating for personalities just pictures. So even the site is heavily biased towardsthe eye candy.

Just think how the site would work if there were no pictures, it would be like the classified ads in the dating pages.

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By *lamorousBeautyLondonWoman over a year ago

London

"Its a sex site not a fucking job recruitment website true but still people need to be nice and honest

Exactly, to paraprase that quaint saying - "it is nice to be nice". But also, I must admit I find it a bit ridiculous when people call this is sex site - what on Earth is that supposed to mean? That this is what, some kind of censored content and all who enter must only have sex in mind? Maybe they do but what we must also remember is that people are very different in their sexuality and the mainstream, porn-style, male-sexual-attraction-by-default is a lie. Some might be attracted to very matter of fact approach and experience sex in a similar way to sports or gym, that sort of thing - but many do not and all of our different ways of sexual realities are valid, we just need to be interested in the ones that match, not the ones that are incompatible. I don't care in the remotest about the amount of people that are trying to pressure me by claiming various points about "sex site" etc etc. I do not see swinging as different from dating and my sexuality does not work like an electrical switch. Tough luck for some but I refuse to be pressured. My sexuality is fine as it is and it is not me who is the problem.

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By *arte_Blanche_NECouple over a year ago

Northern

"op you need to remember its very hard for single guys on here. for every 1 female there are 50 males and most women already have a play mate

because of this, it mostly boils down to just physical attraction and a lot of the very attractive men are first in line. a witty pm will be easily missed if a hottie catches your eye

fab not a place that really promotes your personality "

Have to disagree with this last part a little, personality is the deal breaker for us when deciding if we will meet anyone from fab.

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By *inkyJamesMan over a year ago

80020 Broomfield

I guarantee you I would put in the effort check me out text me and find out

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By *egvisir71Man over a year ago

Derbyshire

Problem is that guys on here, through my own experience, are so used to getting kicked back at the first hurdle, that they feel unenthusiastic about making any effort with their profile as 99% of time any messages, winks or anything is rejected by women/couples who have a monopoly of choices and messages. I’m quite sure if a lot of the guys had the chance to meet and display their personality on a personal level then the receptor/S would have a different response. I/we get that there are dickwads on here but how do we reach these expectations when we cannot open the first door?

Any pm’s gratefully received and will be answered lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think woman are just as difficult, I can't stand it when all the focus is on a man's profile being bad.

Woman tend to have a nice rant on theirs too, why be so judgemental on profiles. You should never judge a book by its cover or the intro, some people are better with their physical hands than the pen. I know which one I'd prefer lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This site would be much much better if men could not initiate contact and verified women/couples/tv/ts had to do it. Would solve a lot of these problems I think. Worth a try anyway - would be a very different dynamic.

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By *rHotNottsMan over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"Perhaps you could give us a few pointers then op "

Ffs men should not need pointers on how to interest, excite and seduce a woman

if you truly like the woman you’re messaging it’s not that hard and if they don’t reply they are simply not for you

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By *imply_SensualMan over a year ago

Widnes

It’s simple, you have two choices when receiving messages, accept the crap ones and ignore them, or filter out single guys and you do the looking yourself?

There will always be guys who make no effort because they know writing a decent message can still result in it remaining unread or simply deleted. It’s a fine balancing act. Although saying that, I’d refer that than writing a decent message and just getting ‘Hi’ back which can happen.

Nevertheless, I maintain my own standards, my profile says enough about me and each message I send is bespoke to the person and profile I am messaging. If it helps me stand out, great, if not, I move on, this place doesn’t dictate my life

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By *arte_Blanche_NECouple over a year ago

Northern

"Problem is that guys on here, through my own experience, are so used to getting kicked back at the first hurdle, that they feel unenthusiastic about making any effort with their profile as 99% of time any messages, winks or anything is rejected by women/couples who have a monopoly of choices and messages. I’m quite sure if a lot of the guys had the chance to meet and display their personality on a personal level then the receptor/S would have a different response. I/we get that there are dickwads on here but how do we reach these expectations when we cannot open the first door?

Any pm’s gratefully received and will be answered lol

What monopoly would this be? If someone isn’t impressed by any profile or the message they receive from someone they can kick them back. Couples and women don’t conspire against single men sat rubbing their hands laughing like super villains knocking them back, we all get rejected for lots of reasons and this should be a clear expectation when joining a site like this surely?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This site would be much much better if men could not initiate contact and verified women/couples/tv/ts had to do it. Would solve a lot of these problems I think. Worth a try anyway - would be a very different dynamic."

Isn't that bumble

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Isn't that bumble

Yep! Works there (apparently)

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By *oyeurcoupleMan over a year ago

kingston

Yep years ago when I was single on here I messaged around 400 women in total with in depth messages only ever got a message back from 2 a no , that’s it lol went on tinder and bumble and had around 500 conversations with different women and slept with around 70 tbh I wouldn’t even bother messaging single women guys better off going to clubs glad I’m not single anymore women’s expectations nowadays are virtually unachievable

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Putting bad profiles to one side.

The analogy of what you would do in a bar is used about not sending dick pics ( which I agree with, I don't even have a doc pic). So let's apply the same analogy to first messages. If you approach someone in a bar you wouldn't expect them to give you a insight into their personality immediately. It would take a conversation.

So if I guy sends a message saying hi and asking how you are maybe replying and having a conversation would give a better idea of the personality of the person.

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By *lamorousBeautyLondonWoman over a year ago

London

"Perhaps you could give us a few pointers then op

Ffs men should not need pointers on how to interest, excite and seduce a woman

if you truly like the woman you’re messaging it’s not that hard and if they don’t reply they are simply not for you

Thank you! (MrHotNotts)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think woman are just as difficult, I can't stand it when all the focus is on a man's profile being bad.

This is true and don’t forget the tounge !

The tounge is mightier than the sword !

Said King Arthur to Guinevere on the wedding night !

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By *oyeurcoupleMan over a year ago

kingston

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By *oyeurcoupleMan over a year ago

kingston

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By *lamorousBeautyLondonWoman over a year ago

London

Any pm’s gratefully received and will be answered lol

Mr "

Exactly! When I do respond to someone for example and then they disappear, it is just as much as a rejection. We all have to experience it, it just takes different forms

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yep years ago when I was single on here I messaged around 400 women in total with in depth messages only ever got a message back from 2 a no , that’s it lol went on tinder and bumble and had around 500 conversations with different women and slept with around 70 tbh I wouldn’t even bother messaging single women guys better off going to clubs glad I’m not single anymore women’s expectations nowadays are virtually unachievable "

women’s expectations nowadays are virtually unachievable ?? im sorry i dont punch above my weight but im dam sure im not going to go below it either i know what i like and when i see it ill talk and even then most ruin it by the billy bullshit that dribbles out ... no body has to go with anybody if a woman or a guy on here know what they want then whom to stop them

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By *egvisir71Man over a year ago

Derbyshire

"I think woman are just as difficult, I can't stand it when all the focus is on a man's profile being bad.

Absolutely

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By *ed VoluptaWoman over a year ago

Wirral.

"I think a lot of time all you really need to do is send a face pic and a simple message... If they like you you will get response. I think it's the faceless message with only a couple of words is what people hate most."

Exactly this.

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By *atenaWoman over a year ago

Hyde

Exactly this.

Definitely agree...

B it for me I do like some detail in a profile.... if I see 'ask me anything' or words to that affect it just feels lazy.

I want at least a flavour of who they are or what they're looking for.

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By *orny PTMan over a year ago

Peterborough

Just why???"

Getting laid and getting paid are a major factor in being an adult.

Both require time and effort and a lot of luck. Distance, times of availability and looking the part are key to success, as is a great reputation.

Enthusiasm is not a unlimited resource, so as the multiple cover letters/introductions get sent out; then read, ignored, block deleted: then this can reflect in the profile.

Zero feedback IS soul destroying, no matter the reason.

Because if the old blurb didn't work, then what does?

Despite the tons of comments on this subject, things like age, body and face type can't be changed, though locations could be.

There is als a stigma attached to this as well.

Written to loads of employers for a job and got no replies? Keep trying and tea and sympathy might be given.

Written to lots of women for a connection (reply/chat/social/meet/play delete as appropriate) and getting no replies? don't bother and starting to feel like a saddo, no tea nor sympathy will be given.

I have sent plenty of non sexual messages out here, always well written and generally replied back to.

Something's missing and I don't know what it is.

Rant? over.

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By *etnetWoman over a year ago

birmingham

Well said!!Hence the reason I don’t reply to some of my messages. I feel like I’m constantly filtering out on here. Xx

Just why???"

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By *ollydoesWoman over a year ago

Shangri-La

"This place has turned into a manbashing market recently.

Why everyone is so concerned how others chose to run their profile baffles me. There are plenty of guys here who do bother. So why waste energy on the ones who you feel don't.

It always has been for as long as I've been on here.

And I agree, if one doesn't like a profile or message, just move on

Been here a few years and it was always noticeable but seems to be most an everyday thing atm.

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By *ememberTheNameMan over a year ago

barnsley

Just why???"

I’d like to think I make an effort ...

If you think otherwise feel free to tell me what I’m lacking

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By *jonesMan over a year ago

Plymouth

People need to get out more and stop using the internet in my opinion ...or even try a more balanced site like tinder ..

Fab is in a dimension of its own and too many people seem to have weird expectations from it ..

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By *ollydoesWoman over a year ago

Shangri-La

"This place has turned into a manbashing market recently.

Why everyone is so concerned how others chose to run their profile baffles me. There are plenty of guys here who do bother. So why waste energy on the ones who you feel don't.

Have to agree, some of the comments are uncalled for

I know. Even the guys end up turning on each other. Not in a sexual way either lol

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By *ovelifelovefuntimesMan over a year ago

Where ever I lay my hat

If you feel that guys haven't made the effort just ignore and move on. Focus on the guys who do make the effort and appeal to you.

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By *ollydoesWoman over a year ago

Shangri-La

"People need to get out more and stop using the internet in my opinion ...or even try a more balanced site like tinder ..

Fab is in a dimension of its own and too many people seem to have weird expectations from it .. "

Says the man on the Internet..

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By *inger_SnapWoman over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

Because they're entitled

They think because a woman is on here she'll sleep with anyone

They're lazy

I actually don't mind the "hi how are you" as long as they don't call me babe, baby, sweetie, girl, sexy.

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By *isAdventure69Woman over a year ago

Hampshire

Just why???

Yeah...because no women on here have shit profiles....stop bashing single guys....love you x"

Yes this

Plenty of couple’s profiles too , which often are limited to basically “no single men” and 3 pages worth of various disclaimers....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Because they're entitled

They think because a woman is on here she'll sleep with anyone

They're lazy

I actually don't mind the "hi how are you" as long as they don't call me babe, baby, sweetie, girl, sexy."

Stop tarring everyone with the same brush...there is plenty of lazy profile writing women on here

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Because they're entitled

They think because a woman is on here she'll sleep with anyone

They're lazy

I actually don't mind the "hi how are you" as long as they don't call me babe, baby, sweetie, girl, sexy."
... That may be true of some guys but the vast majority of guys are still decent, make an effort, are polite and respectful. I know i dont get the crude messages women do and that's not nice I'm sure.. But it unfair to label us all as lazy and entitled.

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By *orny PTMan over a year ago

Peterborough

"Because they're entitled

They think because a woman is on here she'll sleep with anyone

They're lazy

I actually don't mind the "hi how are you" as long as they don't call me babe, baby, sweetie, girl, sexy.

Stop tarring everyone with the same brush...there is plenty of lazy profile writing women on here"

I know her, she's the one with the silhouette.

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By *jonesMan over a year ago

Plymouth

"People need to get out more and stop using the internet in my opinion ...or even try a more balanced site like tinder ..

Fab is in a dimension of its own and too many people seem to have weird expectations from it ..

Says the man on the Internet..

Ooh I get out a lot as well

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By *inger_SnapWoman over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

"Because they're entitled

They think because a woman is on here she'll sleep with anyone

They're lazy

I actually don't mind the "hi how are you" as long as they don't call me babe, baby, sweetie, girl, sexy.

Stop tarring everyone with the same brush...there is plenty of lazy profile writing women on here"

But I'm not looking for a woman.

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By *inger_SnapWoman over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

"Because they're entitled

They think because a woman is on here she'll sleep with anyone

They're lazy

I actually don't mind the "hi how are you" as long as they don't call me babe, baby, sweetie, girl, sexy.... That may be true of some guys but the vast majority of guys are still decent, make an effort, are polite and respectful. I know i dont get the crude messages women do and that's not nice I'm sure.. But it unfair to label us all as lazy and entitled. "

I didn't say all.

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By *icentiousCouple over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Tardy and a need, opposed by entitlement and false esteem.

The ones who are real, are stunning, fun and often turn into great friends.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Not going to get into the debate but hey like many other websites its treated like 'instafuck' by quite a few, regardless of gender.

guess what, it might be instafuck for a high percentage, most of us who are engaged like to get to know people and build up a friendship or relationship..

that's when it gets interesting

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By *jonesMan over a year ago

Plymouth

"Not going to get into the debate but hey like many other websites its treated like 'instafuck' by quite a few, regardless of gender.

guess what, it might be instafuck for a high percentage, most of us who are engaged like to get to know people and build up a friendship or relationship..

that's when it gets interesting

My first proper job was in wantage ...

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By *orny PTMan over a year ago

Peterborough

"Not going to get into the debate but hey like many other websites its treated like 'instafuck' by quite a few, regardless of gender.

guess what, it might be instafuck for a high percentage, most of us who are engaged like to get to know people and build up a friendship or relationship..

that's when it gets interesting

If only getting friends was so easy.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Because they're entitled

They think because a woman is on here she'll sleep with anyone

They're lazy

I didn't say all."
... You didn't in fairness but you didn't acknowledge that there are decent ones too. I have had a couple of dodgy incidents with some not so nice women but it would never tarnish my view that the vast majority are still decent and lovely

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By *arte_Blanche_NECouple over a year ago

Northern

"Because they're entitled

They think because a woman is on here she'll sleep with anyone

They're lazy

Sorry I have to disagree with this, we opened up our profile to single guys a few weeks back and the vast majority weren’t decent, didn’t make an effort and weren’t polite or respectful. Not at all saying there aren’t decent guys on here because we know some now but you have to agree it’s saturated? Switch on your who’s near and take a look at the sheer volume of single guys and ask yourself if you were a single female or couple would you want to meet them? Dick pic after dick pic, fill in laters, no photo verification, status’s saying “Looking for a hole to fill”, the list goes on.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Because they're entitled

They think because a woman is on here she'll sleep with anyone

They're lazy

"
... Female friends of mine have shown me examples of messages that they get and it's appalling and shocking that guys think they can gets away with that. Not for a second am I justifying it. I changed my filters a few weeks ago for a thread game and forgot change them back. I got quite a few graphic messages and pics so it gave me an idea of what you experience. But from my time on forums (and I know that is a small snapshot of the number of guys) the majority and decent, fun, and very respectful of women. Just think they should be acknowledged too

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By *jonesMan over a year ago

Plymouth

Folks...if you get the chance go to some of the big organised socials that are held around the country...such a great way to meet people with out the grief of the online nutters ...

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By *arte_Blanche_NECouple over a year ago

Northern

"Because they're entitled

They think because a woman is on here she'll sleep with anyone

They're lazy

... Female friends of mine have shown me examples of messages that they get and it's appalling and shocking that guys think they can gets away with that. Not for a second am I justifying it. I changed my filters a few weeks ago for a thread game and forgot change them back. I got quite a few graphic messages and pics so it gave me an idea of what you experience. But from my time on forums (and I know that is a small snapshot of the number of guys) the majority and decent, fun, and very respectful of women. Just think they should be acknowledged too

Couldn’t agree more but the forums are a tiny portion of site members as you said and successful, decent, fun and respectful single guys are recognised via meet verification

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Because they're entitled

They think because a woman is on here she'll sleep with anyone

They're lazy

Couldn’t agree more but the forums are a tiny portion of site members as you said and successful, decent, fun and respectful single guys are recognised via meet verification

"
.. That's true. Its easy hide behind a phone and abuse people. Real men can be sexy, flirty but always respectful.. Hope you don't get too much crap... You don't deserve that.... I'll sort them out for you!!

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By *ersey GirlCouple over a year ago

Glasgow

Try being a submissive. Most people think you'll suck any cock that's asked

The one line messages are the majority on here. From experience the couples put more effort in. The men reply with their cock and the females have no more the one line closed replies. In all honesty the people that send the best first messages are ones that have an interest in bdsm and kink

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By *ad NannaWoman over a year ago

East London

Same reason I do I suppose.

Lazy.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think my profile is about right on content and my messages are never really short and condescending.

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By *oberts_onMan over a year ago

King's Lynn

I think I make an effort with messages, rarely ever get anyone reply, or even view me, so obviously I'm wrong, ok, maybe my profile is rubbish too then!?

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By *hat BlokeMan over a year ago

Harrogate

I think it’s because the response rate is so low. Think about it from a mans point of view. He reads through a profile. Looks at the likes and desires. Makes sure he is in the age range and matches all the specifics, so he decides to pen an Introductory missive and then sends it off (being sure to include the ubiquitous face pic. Then he sits there and watches his message remain stubbornly yellow for three days before being struck off and deleted. He has put in a lot of time and effort for absolutely zero response. Not even a “no thank you”. So the next time he might be less inclined to put as much effort in.

Just my thoughts

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By *ringles0510Woman over a year ago

Central Borders

Quite a few men actually do have a really good profile, great pictures and can hold a conversation. And thanks to them I'm still on this site.

Can see your frustration though OP. There really is an influx of clueless newbies (of all sexes, not just males). Takes less than a second to delete a useless message and block them if they get on yer tits x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just why???"

Trust me not all are the same, to be honest i have experienced the same with single girls, seems to be approaching with mostly single liners. I get it single girls have plenty to choose from. I personally have never approached anyone with single liners & all the shitty messages I have received.

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By *hatawasteMan over a year ago

stafford

Just why???"

Most genuine chaps will have a decent reasonably informative profile that has taken a bit of time to put together..

They then direct any potential new friends to that profile and invite them to read it..

The ones not worth bothering about have a 2 line profile with a cock by a tube of pringles/deodorant can and send messages like ' hello wuu2?'

Strangely women don't seem to want to spend time reading the long profiles with likes and dislikes and a peppering of intelligence and humour..

It seems the pringles tube approach is quicker maybe? and so allows someone to move onto the next one to refuse or complain about them

Meanwhile all the ones that are with reading/bothering about are needing to write another version of war and peace just to get someone to reply to them! And even then the chances of that are slim to none

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By *arte_Blanche_NECouple over a year ago

Northern

Just why???

But you’ve just outed someone on your profile for being a time waster?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just why???

But you’ve just outed someone on your profile for being a time waster? "

What does my reply has to do with that ? That’s correct indeed.

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By *arte_Blanche_NECouple over a year ago

Northern

Just why???

But you’ve just outed someone on your profile for being a time waster?

What does my reply has to do with that ? That’s correct indeed."

Just as bad if not worse than a shitty message, someone did this to us the other week and was flagged by some friends of ours. We were accused of being fake by a profile we had spoken to once 3 months prior.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just why???

But you’ve just outed someone on your profile for being a time waster?

What does my reply has to do with that ? That’s correct indeed.

I am sorry but I differ, I do not think it is just bad as a shitty message, you can’t really compare what happened to you and my status. My status and what happened to you in past doesn’t have much in common. I just raised an awareness for perfectly good reason.

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By *arte_Blanche_NECouple over a year ago

Northern

Just why???

But you’ve just outed someone on your profile for being a time waster?

What does my reply has to do with that ? That’s correct indeed.

What if everyone does this? How do we know who’s telling the truth? What if someone changes their mind or something comes up prior to a meet? If there’s an issue with the profile block and report and I’m sure it would be removed if this is the case.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just why???

But you’ve just outed someone on your profile for being a time waster?

What does my reply has to do with that ? That’s correct indeed.

Everyone does what ? If someone changes their mind or something comes up is a quite common thing, which can happen if anyone meeting their real life friend or family, which should be ok. To me that wouldn’t necessary be in list of time wasters. I am saying again I was raising awareness for perfectly dam good reason. Hope you guys are having a good night.

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By *arte_Blanche_NECouple over a year ago

Northern

Just why???

But you’ve just outed someone on your profile for being a time waster?

What does my reply has to do with that ? That’s correct indeed.

If everyone names profiles in statuses, it’s not a great route to go down. In our instance we had refused to meet because the profile that put a status up about us didn’t want to exchange face pics which is fair enough but we were hardly going to turn up on a blind date. Must have ticked them off as they decided to post a status up about us. What if she decides to put one up about you, would you want it removed? It could go on forever hence the reason it’s not allowed on the site.

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By *IXED AND BBCCouple (MM) over a year ago

Manchester

"This place has turned into a manbashing market recently.

Why everyone is so concerned how others chose to run their profile baffles me. There are plenty of guys here who do bother. So why waste energy on the ones who you feel don't. "

Absolutely you are right love, we made so much effort to write and no reply even nobody bothers to read

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just why???

But you’ve just outed someone on your profile for being a time waster?

What does my reply has to do with that ? That’s correct indeed.

I think everyone has right to write whatever they wish or want in status, regardless it is truth or not, public is smart enough to understand what’s right or not. Answer to your question, I couldn’t care less if she or anyone writes any status about me to be honest. I don’t need to say if I am genuine or not, verification speaks more than one can tell. Trust me someone status about me, wouldn’t bother me much unless and until it’s just a lie.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS over a year ago

Central

They don't understand us very well. Similarly, they don't grasp the site very well - ridiculous expectations, failure to learn from experience here to improve etc.

Typically traits that don't bode particularly well.

Be grateful each time a clueless user makes your choice really simple and quick

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just why???

But you’ve just outed someone on your profile for being a time waster?

What does my reply has to do with that ? That’s correct indeed.

Please stop comparing your instance with anyone status, thread wasn’t even about what you picked on. Your instance and my status for someone has nothing at all in common. Yeah block is easier than arguing with someone, which makes no sense

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By *stbury DavenportMan over a year ago

Nottingham

"I think woman are just as difficult, I can't stand it when all the focus is on a man's profile being bad.

This is true and don’t forget the tounge !

The tounge is mightier than the sword !

Said King Arthur to Guinevere on the wedding night !

And she very famously cheated on him with his best mate Lancelot.

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By *arlomaleMan over a year ago

darlington

[Removed by poster at 21/05/21 06:51:27]

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By *arte_Blanche_NECouple over a year ago

Northern

Just why???

But you’ve just outed someone on your profile for being a time waster?

What does my reply has to do with that ? That’s correct indeed.

Regardless of what you think naming and shaming is against site rules for this very reason, and you are proving the point here, how do we know this isn’t a lie?

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By *arte_Blanche_NECouple over a year ago

Northern

Just why???

But you’ve just outed someone on your profile for being a time waster?

What does my reply has to do with that ? That’s correct indeed.

No it wasn’t about us, you claimed to be a different in your first post however name and shame statuses seem to say different, we gave an example of our experience of this which we thought may paint a picture of why this is bad practice but clearly you disagree with the majority that know this would be abused if allowed and the site rules that were put there for this very reason.

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By *ondoner1971Man over a year ago

London

"Because we are all a bunch of cock hungry sluts that should be grateful of the offers and so horny we will fuck every single one of them, if necessary! "
dont we know it lol

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By *eparrain1Man over a year ago

Stone

"Yours isn't, but I've seen plenty of females that complain about boring first messages, whilst their profile has zero information on it to use to start a proper conversation from.

Tbh, if I saw a profile like that, I just wouldn't bother messaging them.

It's not just guys that need to put more effort in, it's just that there are way more guys on the site so they stand out more. "

Well said

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By *ounty durham bbw coupleCouple over a year ago

darlington

We have had messages that are just a x no words some that are just hey some that are ridiculous like my wife has gone shopping won't be back for 45 minutes can I come fuck your wife

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"op you need to remember its very hard for single guys on here. for every 1 female there are 50 males and most women already have a play mate

because of this, it mostly boils down to just physical attraction and a lot of the very attractive men are first in line. a witty pm will be easily missed if a hottie catches your eye

fab not a place that really promotes your personality

Have to disagree with this last part a little, personality is the deal breaker for us when deciding if we will meet anyone from fab."

I'm not saying personality isn't important, it's a deal breaker for many. I'm just saying fab isn't designed for that. We really have to go out our way painstakingly to find someone we click with which is worth it ofcourse.

Although not everyone sees things like that on here.

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By *irldnCouple over a year ago

Brighton

Not just single men OP. Couples are also guilty of this. Generally (not always by any means) the younger, slimmer (ie supposedly more in demand) couples make less effort.

However, the sheer volume of single men skews perceptions. Proportionately it is probably similar.

In part I also think it also comes down to whether people are genuine swingers (ie into some level of “kink” sec) or just using the site for casual sex. I think some of the latter (in this case mostly single men) seem to think women (and the woman in a couple) are happy to shag anyone.

Then there are some women on here who receive so much interest they no longer feel the need to bother with making any effort.

Of course amongst all that there are some lovely, genuine, wonderful sexy couples, men and women who “get it”

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By *oldenbrownMan over a year ago

Sussex

"Not just single men OP. Couples are also guilty of this. Generally (not always by any means) the younger, slimmer (ie supposedly more in demand) couples make less effort.

However, the sheer volume of single men skews perceptions. Proportionately it is probably similar.

Then there are some women on here who receive so much interest they no longer feel the need to bother with making any effort.

Of course amongst all that there are some lovely, genuine, wonderful sexy couples, men and women who “get it” "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Not just single men OP. Couples are also guilty of this. Generally (not always by any means) the younger, slimmer (ie supposedly more in demand) couples make less effort.

However, the sheer volume of single men skews perceptions. Proportionately it is probably similar.

Then there are some women on here who receive so much interest they no longer feel the need to bother with making any effort.

Of course amongst all that there are some lovely, genuine, wonderful sexy couples, men and women who “get it” "

Well put . Sorts out the swingers from the let's have a quick shag brigade.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just why???

But you’ve just outed someone on your profile for being a time waster?

What does my reply has to do with that ? That’s correct indeed.

Which majority are you talking about ??? You know what, I don’t even want to know. Forget it and please find another threat and make another problem whatever reason suits you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Because we are all a bunch of cock hungry sluts that should be grateful of the offers and so horny we will fuck every single one of them, if necessary! "

Amen

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think it’s because the response rate is so low. Think about it from a mans point of view. He reads through a profile. Looks at the likes and desires. Makes sure he is in the age range and matches all the specifics, so he decides to pen an Introductory missive and then sends it off (being sure to include the ubiquitous face pic. Then he sits there and watches his message remain stubbornly yellow for three days before being struck off and deleted. He has put in a lot of time and effort for absolutely zero response. Not even a “no thank you”. So the next time he might be less inclined to put as much effort in.

Just my thoughts "

I wouldn't bother sending tailored messages either. I don't blame them at all!

It's really easy to block men and go looking. But that doesn't boost my fragile ego the same as getting loads of messages from desperate men.

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By *tue555Man over a year ago

Passed Beyond Reach

The simple truth is there are many players on these sites these days, not going to go into any more detail.

There are the spammers who work on the statistical probability likelihood.

As has cropped in in this post and many like it, as a male you put the effort into your profile, carefully crafted emails and get no response, you get the the usual responses in the forums - oh single ladies/couples get soo many messages from men as a justification. Then posts that say why do guys not make an effort.

It is a chicken and egg.

I seems that good profiles and well crafted emails are meaningless. If people are looking for genuine contact (many aren't) you look at a picture and if there is an attraction than you may pursue it, whether the profile has 1 line or 100.

Just a view point form someone who's been here a long time.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think it’s largely because they’re not aware of the competition they face

Due to this, it’s also quite one sided. On the odd occasion I get an opening message, it’s often just a “hi” or suchlike and quite often the profiles are quite minimal, yet they’ve turned out to be interesting people in the end, if it’s got that far.

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By *ragon007Man over a year ago

london

I thought we were in equal rights type of society where effort have to come from both sides

Or am I missing some thing

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By *yPleasureMan over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Just my thoughts "

Well said, sums it up completely!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just my thoughts

Well said, sums it up completely!"

This! Simples!

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By *irldnCouple over a year ago

Brighton

I (Mr) have been swinging since late 90s both as a single and in two relationships.

It is much harder for single guys to stand out, in the main because the competition is insanely huge!

Some will consider it a numbers game, send out 00s or even 000s of cut n paste one liners in the hope of getting just one response.

Others will apply more diligence and put more effort into carefully targeting the people they would really really like to meet.

In my experience (as a single) the latter always worked well for me. Yes there are knock backs but most couples appreciate those who make a bit more effort (including reading the profile).

Obviously exceptions to every rule, but ultimately this is about marketing and you need to maximise your chances of ensuring your “product” stands out above the noise!

It won’t always work as it will still come down to personal taste (you are unlikely to be the exception if the profile says they are looking for something specific).

And while some seem to be saying it is not an excuse, I’m afraid the sheer number of messages some people receive are insane and make admin impossible. They WILL filter out (often without reading) cos there are only so many hours in a day!

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By *stbury DavenportMan over a year ago

Nottingham

Just my thoughts "

Here’s the thing: The message being struck off and deleted *is* the response. It’s a clear, unambiguous no. It’s easy to accept that and move on.

What I find dispiriting is when the recipient is so deluged in messages that yours *doesn’t even get read*, and Fab auto-deletes it after a month. The recipient never even saw it amongst the hundreds or thousands of FAF one-liners.

Doesn’t matter how much effort you put in. Doesn’t matter how great your photos are, or how long you spent carefully crafting that personalised message that addresses every point in the recipient’s profile. Sometimes the sheer imbalance in numbers means that your message just gets lost.

That’s why I find the “Fab’s what you make it” platitudes so objectionable. There is a *lot* of stuff that’s just out of your hands, no matter what you do about it.

For me, personally, I find the best use of my limited time and energy as a single man is to *actually go to events* and make connections in person. It cuts out all the background noise that would normally drown me out.

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