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Not single but on Fab ...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I know I’m handing everyone a stick to beat me with but maybe I deserve it, Being on fab as a none single male without my partner knowing is a constant battle between guilt for being here and also putting my needs and feelings higher up in my thoughts and priorities, I don’t want to justify my reasons as anything said just makes it sound like I’m justifying my actions, I don’t honestly know how far I’ll take things on here i ideally was wanting to connect with somebody in a similar position to me, I even question if I’m being to honest about my situation, I’m just reaching out as my heads all over the place .. |
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People will judge you op but some of the most popular contributors to the forum are in your position.
There are people who will meet those who are here without their partners consent but as you're not sure how far you want things to go that might not be an issue for you.
I know it's a tired old observation but have you and your partner talked? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Talked, recommended professional help, tried different approaches, tried to talk again, now it’s just to much of a issue to even bring up. Is being on here the answer ?? I don’t know, I just know I don’t want to leave her but right now I just need to explore different options to hopefully not feel like this. |
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"Talked, recommended professional help, tried different approaches, tried to talk again, now it’s just to much of a issue to even bring up. Is being on here the answer ?? I don’t know, I just know I don’t want to leave her but right now I just need to explore different options to hopefully not feel like this."
It's a difficult situation for sure. You're very young too.
Sometimes people to go relationship counselling alone, it can give them the tools to address the situation. |
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"Talked, recommended professional help, tried different approaches, tried to talk again, now it’s just to much of a issue to even bring up. Is being on here the answer ?? I don’t know, I just know I don’t want to leave her but right now I just need to explore different options to hopefully not feel like this."
Here are our thoughts.
You are in this position, but have chosen that you don't want to leave her.
What has she done so badly that means that she doesn't deserve the right to be given all the facts so that she can make a decision as well?
On the surface it seems very unfair. |
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"Talked, recommended professional help, tried different approaches, tried to talk again, now it’s just to much of a issue to even bring up. Is being on here the answer ?? I don’t know, I just know I don’t want to leave her but right now I just need to explore different options to hopefully not feel like this."
Morning Jack,
Why don't you want to leave her?
Not being mega nosey or whatnot, just hoping that by asking certain questions it may help you find some answers by writing things down in a place where you can be open. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Talked, recommended professional help, tried different approaches, tried to talk again, now it’s just to much of a issue to even bring up. Is being on here the answer ?? I don’t know, I just know I don’t want to leave her but right now I just need to explore different options to hopefully not feel like this.
It's a difficult situation for sure. You're very young too.
Sometimes people to go relationship counselling alone, it can give them the tools to address the situation."
I’ve done it and it did help reassure me it’s not about me but most of it was the stuff we would say or try. |
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"Talked, recommended professional help, tried different approaches, tried to talk again, now it’s just to much of a issue to even bring up. Is being on here the answer ?? I don’t know, I just know I don’t want to leave her but right now I just need to explore different options to hopefully not feel like this.
It's a difficult situation for sure. You're very young too.
Sometimes people to go relationship counselling alone, it can give them the tools to address the situation."
I have to agree completely.
It would also show her you're serious about trying to make things work.
I also worry about the age, feels like you're condemning yourself to the next 40 years of building resentment and a secret life. That isn't fair on either of you. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Talked, recommended professional help, tried different approaches, tried to talk again, now it’s just to much of a issue to even bring up. Is being on here the answer ?? I don’t know, I just know I don’t want to leave her but right now I just need to explore different options to hopefully not feel like this.
Here are our thoughts.
You are in this position, but have chosen that you don't want to leave her.
What has she done so badly that means that she doesn't deserve the right to be given all the facts so that she can make a decision as well?
On the surface it seems very unfair. "
She hasn’t done anything, I’m not saying me being here is right it could be a disaster but I’ve not been in this situation before and have no idea what the future holds. |
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"Talked, recommended professional help, tried different approaches, tried to talk again, now it’s just to much of a issue to even bring up. Is being on here the answer ?? I don’t know, I just know I don’t want to leave her but right now I just need to explore different options to hopefully not feel like this.
It's a difficult situation for sure. You're very young too.
Sometimes people to go relationship counselling alone, it can give them the tools to address the situation.
I’ve done it and it did help reassure me it’s not about me but most of it was the stuff we would say or try. "
No suggestions of his to encourage your partner to discuss the matter?
Does she know how it's making you feel?
A guy on here once said he asked his wife if she thought sex was important, when she replied "no" he said "you won't mind if you're get it elsewhere then".
I'm not suggesting you do this but whatever is going on with her she does need to find a way with you, to resolve things.
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"Talked, recommended professional help, tried different approaches, tried to talk again, now it’s just to much of a issue to even bring up. Is being on here the answer ?? I don’t know, I just know I don’t want to leave her but right now I just need to explore different options to hopefully not feel like this.
Here are our thoughts.
You are in this position, but have chosen that you don't want to leave her.
What has she done so badly that means that she doesn't deserve the right to be given all the facts so that she can make a decision as well?
On the surface it seems very unfair.
She hasn’t done anything, I’m not saying me being here is right it could be a disaster but I’ve not been in this situation before and have no idea what the future holds. "
She's withdrawn sex from you in a relationship that you'd expect to be sexual. I'm not saying she's done it deliberately or to harm you but she can't just expect you to put up with it |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Talked, recommended professional help, tried different approaches, tried to talk again, now it’s just to much of a issue to even bring up. Is being on here the answer ?? I don’t know, I just know I don’t want to leave her but right now I just need to explore different options to hopefully not feel like this.
Morning Jack,
Why don't you want to leave her?
Not being mega nosey or whatnot, just hoping that by asking certain questions it may help you find some answers by writing things down in a place where you can be open."
Because we have a life together and I don’t want to throw that all away even though I’m risking it by being here. I actually think I’m wanting questions so I can reflect on my thinking and actions, so many lovely people with lots of different life experiences I’d be crazy not to listen to your advice. |
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"
Here are our thoughts.
You are in this position, but have chosen that you don't want to leave her.
What has she done so badly that means that she doesn't deserve the right to be given all the facts so that she can make a decision as well?
On the surface it seems very unfair. "
I'm in agreement of this to be honest.
If you dont want to leave her then fine but she obviously knows there are problems. So let her know your intentions and let her make a decision also.
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Talked, recommended professional help, tried different approaches, tried to talk again, now it’s just to much of a issue to even bring up. Is being on here the answer ?? I don’t know, I just know I don’t want to leave her but right now I just need to explore different options to hopefully not feel like this.
It's a difficult situation for sure. You're very young too.
Sometimes people to go relationship counselling alone, it can give them the tools to address the situation.
I’ve done it and it did help reassure me it’s not about me but most of it was the stuff we would say or try.
No suggestions of his to encourage your partner to discuss the matter?
Does she know how it's making you feel?
A guy on here once said he asked his wife if she thought sex was important, when she replied "no" he said "you won't mind if you're get it elsewhere then".
I'm not suggesting you do this but whatever is going on with her she does need to find a way with you, to resolve things.
"
I’ve literally been in tears over this situation, who wouldn’t be ??? Imagine how it makes me feel as a person not having that part of a relationship or should I say losing that part of a relationship. I thought about just coming on her and pretending to be somebody I’m not meet people have fun and leave .... but that’s not me, this might sound contradictory but I have to be honest maybe it’s for something mentally justifying I don’t know, I’m just all over the place with thoughts and emotions |
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"
Here are our thoughts.
You are in this position, but have chosen that you don't want to leave her.
What has she done so badly that means that she doesn't deserve the right to be given all the facts so that she can make a decision as well?
On the surface it seems very unfair.
I'm in agreement of this to be honest.
If you dont want to leave her then fine but she obviously knows there are problems. So let her know your intentions and let her make a decision also.
"
Hmm I wonder how much input she allowed him in the decision to make their relationship sexless.
I don't mean that harshly but this is not just his problem to sort. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
Here are our thoughts.
You are in this position, but have chosen that you don't want to leave her.
What has she done so badly that means that she doesn't deserve the right to be given all the facts so that she can make a decision as well?
On the surface it seems very unfair.
I'm in agreement of this to be honest.
If you dont want to leave her then fine but she obviously knows there are problems. So let her know your intentions and let her make a decision also.
"
I know the outcome ... we’d be over and I don’t want that |
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"Talked, recommended professional help, tried different approaches, tried to talk again, now it’s just to much of a issue to even bring up. Is being on here the answer ?? I don’t know, I just know I don’t want to leave her but right now I just need to explore different options to hopefully not feel like this.
Here are our thoughts.
You are in this position, but have chosen that you don't want to leave her.
What has she done so badly that means that she doesn't deserve the right to be given all the facts so that she can make a decision as well?
On the surface it seems very unfair.
She hasn’t done anything, I’m not saying me being here is right it could be a disaster but I’ve not been in this situation before and have no idea what the future holds.
She's withdrawn sex from you in a relationship that you'd expect to be sexual. I'm not saying she's done it deliberately or to harm you but she can't just expect you to put up with it"
And if there is a valid reason (trauma, pain for example) unless she begins to open up and discuss it things will remain at a loss.
Imagine if there was a reason that if it was known would make perfect sense, and was something that could be supported and worked through together. |
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"Talked, recommended professional help, tried different approaches, tried to talk again, now it’s just to much of a issue to even bring up. Is being on here the answer ?? I don’t know, I just know I don’t want to leave her but right now I just need to explore different options to hopefully not feel like this.
It's a difficult situation for sure. You're very young too.
Sometimes people to go relationship counselling alone, it can give them the tools to address the situation.
I’ve done it and it did help reassure me it’s not about me but most of it was the stuff we would say or try.
No suggestions of his to encourage your partner to discuss the matter?
Does she know how it's making you feel?
A guy on here once said he asked his wife if she thought sex was important, when she replied "no" he said "you won't mind if you're get it elsewhere then".
I'm not suggesting you do this but whatever is going on with her she does need to find a way with you, to resolve things.
"
This is a great answer.
At least both partners get to make a fair decision based on honest facts.
Not saying this for you OP, but we know some people are scared of what the outcome might be. |
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"
Here are our thoughts.
You are in this position, but have chosen that you don't want to leave her.
What has she done so badly that means that she doesn't deserve the right to be given all the facts so that she can make a decision as well?
On the surface it seems very unfair.
I'm in agreement of this to be honest.
If you dont want to leave her then fine but she obviously knows there are problems. So let her know your intentions and let her make a decision also.
I know the outcome ... we’d be over and I don’t want that "
This sounds quite selfish though.
You want something else but you also want what you’ve got, to a degree.
Once you dip your pen in someone else’s ink there’s no going back and your relationship dynamic will change again. Possibly not for the better. |
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"Talked, recommended professional help, tried different approaches, tried to talk again, now it’s just to much of a issue to even bring up. Is being on here the answer ?? I don’t know, I just know I don’t want to leave her but right now I just need to explore different options to hopefully not feel like this.
It's a difficult situation for sure. You're very young too.
Sometimes people to go relationship counselling alone, it can give them the tools to address the situation.
I’ve done it and it did help reassure me it’s not about me but most of it was the stuff we would say or try.
No suggestions of his to encourage your partner to discuss the matter?
Does she know how it's making you feel?
A guy on here once said he asked his wife if she thought sex was important, when she replied "no" he said "you won't mind if you're get it elsewhere then".
I'm not suggesting you do this but whatever is going on with her she does need to find a way with you, to resolve things.
I’ve literally been in tears over this situation, who wouldn’t be ??? Imagine how it makes me feel as a person not having that part of a relationship or should I say losing that part of a relationship. I thought about just coming on her and pretending to be somebody I’m not meet people have fun and leave .... but that’s not me, this might sound contradictory but I have to be honest maybe it’s for something mentally justifying I don’t know, I’m just all over the place with thoughts and emotions "
Counselling is probably difficult to access at the moment but it's all I have really. She's obviously not here and I don't know her or you come to that. However relationship difficulties are rarely if ever solved by being ignored, one person usually forces a confrontation or issues an ultimatum.
Could this be temporary, is she exhausted, depressed, ill, in pain, has issues from her past? |
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"Talked, recommended professional help, tried different approaches, tried to talk again, now it’s just to much of a issue to even bring up. Is being on here the answer ?? I don’t know, I just know I don’t want to leave her but right now I just need to explore different options to hopefully not feel like this.
Morning Jack,
Why don't you want to leave her?
Not being mega nosey or whatnot, just hoping that by asking certain questions it may help you find some answers by writing things down in a place where you can be open.
Because we have a life together and I don’t want to throw that all away even though I’m risking it by being here. I actually think I’m wanting questions so I can reflect on my thinking and actions, so many lovely people with lots of different life experiences I’d be crazy not to listen to your advice. "
You are risking it yes, so what is it about the life together you love?
What are the positives?
What do you appreciate about her? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Talked, recommended professional help, tried different approaches, tried to talk again, now it’s just to much of a issue to even bring up. Is being on here the answer ?? I don’t know, I just know I don’t want to leave her but right now I just need to explore different options to hopefully not feel like this.
Here are our thoughts.
You are in this position, but have chosen that you don't want to leave her.
What has she done so badly that means that she doesn't deserve the right to be given all the facts so that she can make a decision as well?
On the surface it seems very unfair.
She hasn’t done anything, I’m not saying me being here is right it could be a disaster but I’ve not been in this situation before and have no idea what the future holds.
She's withdrawn sex from you in a relationship that you'd expect to be sexual. I'm not saying she's done it deliberately or to harm you but she can't just expect you to put up with it
And if there is a valid reason (trauma, pain for example) unless she begins to open up and discuss it things will remain at a loss.
Imagine if there was a reason that if it was known would make perfect sense, and was something that could be supported and worked through together."
I do imagine it will be because of a reason and that’s exactly what I’m hoping for, I will also support her through anything that I can or maybe it’s more of what she lets me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Here are our thoughts.
You are in this position, but have chosen that you don't want to leave her.
What has she done so badly that means that she doesn't deserve the right to be given all the facts so that she can make a decision as well?
On the surface it seems very unfair.
I'm in agreement of this to be honest.
If you dont want to leave her then fine but she obviously knows there are problems. So let her know your intentions and let her make a decision also.
Hmm I wonder how much input she allowed him in the decision to make their relationship sexless.
I don't mean that harshly but this is not just his problem to sort. "
 it is unfair for one half in the relationship to make a decision that forces the other half into unhappiness without their agreement (or even input).
OP I agree with what others have said, try to repair your relationship with all means possible before doing anything. Talk to her more, get councilling etc. If she still chooses to leave you alone with nowhere else to go, then start meeting others I guess. It's not a great thing to be doing for sure, and people do judge. But sometimes it's understandable xx |
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You are looking to build a connection with someone, to enjoy mental stimulation with a like minded person. If I was your partner I would find this more upsetting than knowing you were just wanting a quick shag. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
Here are our thoughts.
You are in this position, but have chosen that you don't want to leave her.
What has she done so badly that means that she doesn't deserve the right to be given all the facts so that she can make a decision as well?
On the surface it seems very unfair.
I'm in agreement of this to be honest.
If you dont want to leave her then fine but she obviously knows there are problems. So let her know your intentions and let her make a decision also.
I know the outcome ... we’d be over and I don’t want that
This sounds quite selfish though.
You want something else but you also want what you’ve got, to a degree.
Once you dip your pen in someone else’s ink there’s no going back and your relationship dynamic will change again. Possibly not for the better. "
Not what I’ve got hence me being here, definitely what I had and I only live in hope of having something even better with her in the future, I can handle any names thrown at me selfish, cheater, just another guy wanting his cake and eating it, nothing anyone’s says will be any different from what I say to myself. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
Here are our thoughts.
You are in this position, but have chosen that you don't want to leave her.
What has she done so badly that means that she doesn't deserve the right to be given all the facts so that she can make a decision as well?
On the surface it seems very unfair.
I'm in agreement of this to be honest.
If you dont want to leave her then fine but she obviously knows there are problems. So let her know your intentions and let her make a decision also.
Hmm I wonder how much input she allowed him in the decision to make their relationship sexless.
I don't mean that harshly but this is not just his problem to sort.
it is unfair for one half in the relationship to make a decision that forces the other half into unhappiness without their agreement (or even input).
OP I agree with what others have said, try to repair your relationship with all means possible before doing anything. Talk to her more, get councilling etc. If she still chooses to leave you alone with nowhere else to go, then start meeting others I guess. It's not a great thing to be doing for sure, and people do judge. But sometimes it's understandable xx"
I would judge if I was reading it so can have no complaints  |
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"Talked, recommended professional help, tried different approaches, tried to talk again, now it’s just to much of a issue to even bring up. Is being on here the answer ?? I don’t know, I just know I don’t want to leave her but right now I just need to explore different options to hopefully not feel like this.
Here are our thoughts.
You are in this position, but have chosen that you don't want to leave her.
What has she done so badly that means that she doesn't deserve the right to be given all the facts so that she can make a decision as well?
On the surface it seems very unfair.
She hasn’t done anything, I’m not saying me being here is right it could be a disaster but I’ve not been in this situation before and have no idea what the future holds.
She's withdrawn sex from you in a relationship that you'd expect to be sexual. I'm not saying she's done it deliberately or to harm you but she can't just expect you to put up with it
And if there is a valid reason (trauma, pain for example) unless she begins to open up and discuss it things will remain at a loss.
Imagine if there was a reason that if it was known would make perfect sense, and was something that could be supported and worked through together.
I do imagine it will be because of a reason and that’s exactly what I’m hoping for, I will also support her through anything that I can or maybe it’s more of what she lets me. "
I know on the relate website there's a subsection that gives advice on talking, about creating a safe space to discuss things. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You are looking to build a connection with someone, to enjoy mental stimulation with a like minded person. If I was your partner I would find this more upsetting than knowing you were just wanting a quick shag. "
I don’t want the quick shag approach, I think by building the connection I’m mean by being honest and why wouldn’t I want mental stimulation, i like things to be a mental connection not just a physical one or I’d have the I’m just a single guy wanting a fuck profile. Again I do understand what you saying I’m just being honest with my response |
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I’m solely talking from my own experience here so if it’s of no use then ignore it! When I was with my husband I reached the point that I no longer wanted sexual contact with him. He became unattractive to me because he wasn’t pulling his weight in other areas of the relationship - I was doing EVERYTHING, working full time and doing most of the work raising our child. The rot set in. In my case, if I’m unhappy in other areas of the relationship, sex simply isn’t on the agenda. If you want to work through it I suggest you find out what is wrong elsewhere and do something about it.
I just got out though...I’ve been over ten years single (which wasn’t what I anticipated). Was it the right thing to do - yes, I’m sure it was! |
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"
Here are our thoughts.
You are in this position, but have chosen that you don't want to leave her.
What has she done so badly that means that she doesn't deserve the right to be given all the facts so that she can make a decision as well?
On the surface it seems very unfair.
I'm in agreement of this to be honest.
If you dont want to leave her then fine but she obviously knows there are problems. So let her know your intentions and let her make a decision also.
I know the outcome ... we’d be over and I don’t want that "
What about what she wants?
We know this situation is awful, but you are neither the first or the last to face this.
Surely the best outcome here is what you both want?
And that decision can't get made without everyone laying their cards on the table.
|
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"I’m solely talking from my own experience here so if it’s of no use then ignore it! When I was with my husband I reached the point that I no longer wanted sexual contact with him. He became unattractive to me because he wasn’t pulling his weight in other areas of the relationship - I was doing EVERYTHING, working full time and doing most of the work raising our child. The rot set in. In my case, if I’m unhappy in other areas of the relationship, sex simply isn’t on the agenda. If you want to work through it I suggest you find out what is wrong elsewhere and do something about it.
I just got out though...I’ve been over ten years single (which wasn’t what I anticipated). Was it the right thing to do - yes, I’m sure it was! "
|
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"You are looking to build a connection with someone, to enjoy mental stimulation with a like minded person. If I was your partner I would find this more upsetting than knowing you were just wanting a quick shag.
I don’t want the quick shag approach, I think by building the connection I’m mean by being honest and why wouldn’t I want mental stimulation, i like things to be a mental connection not just a physical one or I’d have the I’m just a single guy wanting a fuck profile. Again I do understand what you saying I’m just being honest with my response "
So an escort is off the cards?
If it was "just" sex then an escort seems the obvious to me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
So you don't want to lose your life with her but wanting mental connections on a site where vaginas and cocks are everywhere.
I dunno. Maybe show her this site and bite the bullet? |
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"You are looking to build a connection with someone, to enjoy mental stimulation with a like minded person. If I was your partner I would find this more upsetting than knowing you were just wanting a quick shag.
I don’t want the quick shag approach, I think by building the connection I’m mean by being honest and why wouldn’t I want mental stimulation, i like things to be a mental connection not just a physical one or I’d have the I’m just a single guy wanting a fuck profile. Again I do understand what you saying I’m just being honest with my response
So an escort is off the cards?
If it was "just" sex then an escort seems the obvious to me."
Only speaking as we find, but some people don't want to pay for it when it can be on tap.
We agree an escort is the obvious answer, that way an emotional connection is impossible. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Your life with her is comfortable...too leave her would take alot of effort and awkward conversations...friends and family, you would have to find your own place...move out...maybe shunned by other loved ones....so being on here looking for sex...well that's easy... |
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"I’m solely talking from my own experience here so if it’s of no use then ignore it! When I was with my husband I reached the point that I no longer wanted sexual contact with him. He became unattractive to me because he wasn’t pulling his weight in other areas of the relationship - I was doing EVERYTHING, working full time and doing most of the work raising our child. The rot set in. In my case, if I’m unhappy in other areas of the relationship, sex simply isn’t on the agenda. If you want to work through it I suggest you find out what is wrong elsewhere and do something about it.
I just got out though...I’ve been over ten years single (which wasn’t what I anticipated). Was it the right thing to do - yes, I’m sure it was! "
I can absolutely relate to this. Sometimes just a mumble as they're walking out the room us enough for me to switch off. If I'm not feeling content, I'm not feeling sex. |
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"
Here are our thoughts.
You are in this position, but have chosen that you don't want to leave her.
What has she done so badly that means that she doesn't deserve the right to be given all the facts so that she can make a decision as well?
On the surface it seems very unfair.
I'm in agreement of this to be honest.
If you dont want to leave her then fine but she obviously knows there are problems. So let her know your intentions and let her make a decision also.
I know the outcome ... we’d be over and I don’t want that "
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I think you have your answer there, if you don’t want to end your marriage then I recommend not being on here looking for more than just chatting.
Yes she’s removed the physical side of the relationship, but if you go behind her back then you’ll be removing the trust part of it.
Wish you all the best in things working out between you both. |
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"You are looking to build a connection with someone, to enjoy mental stimulation with a like minded person. If I was your partner I would find this more upsetting than knowing you were just wanting a quick shag.
I don’t want the quick shag approach, I think by building the connection I’m mean by being honest and why wouldn’t I want mental stimulation, i like things to be a mental connection not just a physical one or I’d have the I’m just a single guy wanting a fuck profile. Again I do understand what you saying I’m just being honest with my response "
My take on that is that you want pretty much the same as you've got with your current partner, bit in secret, hoping that your main one will magically heal itself.
Which is understandable, but probably naive.
If your current partner doesn't want to discuss what's wrong, then that's selfish and making you unhappy. I think that deep down you know that, and that things are probably over between you but you aren't ready to be single again yet.
But there are worse things in life.
I think you'd do better to cut your losses, have time to grieve over the lost relationship, and then put your efforts into meeting someone new, either on here or elsewhere.
Apologies in advance if I'm way off the mark, but it's just how I've interpreted your comments so far |
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This must be an awful situation for you both, however cheating or even contemplating it is never the answer, you’ll only build a web of lies and that isn’t healthy or fair on anyone. Everyone has things they need to work through for various reasons, personally no matter how hard it is either stay and work it out or leave, nothing is ever simple but being on here alone is not going to help.
Best of luck with a horrid situation x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I really appreciate all the comments and advice I hand on heart do, I can’t respond on the thread no more maybe it wasn’t the best idea I was just typing out loud without thinking, everyone can think I’m a bad person just on sex site looking to fuck and I’ve not tried to approach my partner or talk about how I feel or more importantly how she feels or what’s going on, the truth is you couldn’t be further away from the truth I’m here with a heavy heart, if fab had a friendship section I’d be in that, yes I explain in my profile what I’m looking for ideally if I do take that path, I also know people lives have been destroyed by lies and cheating I haven’t been living under a rock. Until you go through this I honestly don’t think you know how you’ll feel or act or what you’d do. I will probably see most of you on some more life hearted threads. I’m just going to end this thread on this, fab is a crazy messed up place sometimes with strange people and messages it is however full of some really normal lovely people who care about others but just enjoy or seek a bit more sexual adventure than the everyday person. thank you all for your comments |
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"I really appreciate all the comments and advice I hand on heart do, I can’t respond on the thread no more maybe it wasn’t the best idea I was just typing out loud without thinking, everyone can think I’m a bad person just on sex site looking to fuck and I’ve not tried to approach my partner or talk about how I feel or more importantly how she feels or what’s going on, the truth is you couldn’t be further away from the truth I’m here with a heavy heart, if fab had a friendship section I’d be in that, yes I explain in my profile what I’m looking for ideally if I do take that path, I also know people lives have been destroyed by lies and cheating I haven’t been living under a rock. Until you go through this I honestly don’t think you know how you’ll feel or act or what you’d do. I will probably see most of you on some more life hearted threads. I’m just going to end this thread on this, fab is a crazy messed up place sometimes with strange people and messages it is however full of some really normal lovely people who care about others but just enjoy or seek a bit more sexual adventure than the everyday person. thank you all for your comments "
No offence. There are plenty of people who have been in your position and have needed friendship, but haven't turned to a swingers site for that.
And we say that from personal experience.
We hope you both come out of this ok, whether it is together or apart. |
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youre your our Person who is in Your shoes and people judge others regardless of good or Bad. I am in an open marriage and have fun with my husband knowing what I do and enjoy and what I do is not a thing for some people and I don't care what people think about it because It is our lives and the way we live it and it is not always the ideal way but I have my "friends" and he has been involved some time and he has no problem with it all |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ok. I've read your thread fully and from what I have seen - correct me if I'm wrong - you do still love her but just missing the sex.
What would worry me in this situation is the guilt you may feel. You clearly care about her and that shows, so could you risk doing this and feeling guilt after?
Certain comments you've already made show remorse or a sense of you already feel bad for even thinking it.
I fully agree with comments from others. Try every possible avenue first. Talk, talk and talk some more. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Talked, recommended professional help, tried different approaches, tried to talk again, now it’s just to much of a issue to even bring up. Is being on here the answer ?? I don’t know, I just know I don’t want to leave her but right now I just need to explore different options to hopefully not feel like this."
I was in same situation with a no sex relationship. I just called it a day and walked. Not judging you but that is the best option as no guilt and you can then go fuck anyone without feeling guilty. It avoids the hurt and fallout that will insue if she found out. Good luck to you in your choice. |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
Hi op
I know it's hard, you're obviously torn about being here
I'd say try one more time talking tell her you can't go on like this and maybe say you'd like to get sex elsewhere.
If she refuses this and you truly think you've tried everything, you have a big decision to make.
I agree with others, lack of sex is usually a symptom of something being wrong in a relationship ie feeling unappreciated, paying most of the bills or doing most of the house work/childcare.
Good luck |
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By *roop69Man
over a year ago
St Columb Major |
"I know I’m handing everyone a stick to beat me with but maybe I deserve it, Being on fab as a none single male without my partner knowing is a constant battle between guilt for being here and also putting my needs and feelings higher up in my thoughts and priorities, I don’t want to justify my reasons as anything said just makes it sound like I’m justifying my actions, I don’t honestly know how far I’ll take things on here i ideally was wanting to connect with somebody in a similar position to me, I even question if I’m being to honest about my situation, I’m just reaching out as my heads all over the place .. "
im exactly like you buddy happy to chat if you want to.
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This I agree with!! There are so many dynamics at play why people wouldnt leave an unhappy relationship, the positive i can find with the OP is that hes still quite young, I imagine there are 1000s of couples in there 40+ in loveless marriages for the sake of not wanting to be alone and for convenience |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
"Talked, recommended professional help, tried different approaches, tried to talk again, now it’s just to much of a issue to even bring up. Is being on here the answer ?? I don’t know, I just know I don’t want to leave her but right now I just need to explore different options to hopefully not feel like this."
Just my opinion
Talking is the only way it's how relationships survive and it's not holding anything back and importantly calmly so each other know how it's having an impact whilst counselling can help but given how long two people have been together is enough to be able to discuss anything with each other to resolve.
Good luck |
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