FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > When partner loses their sex drive
When partner loses their sex drive
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"They advised me to make a single Fab profile and meet on my own. " That is a great profile. Love the pics. | |||
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"My partner looks disgusted if I try to please myself and gets a rage if I even hint at having any fun" Could there be underlying health issues? Strained relationship? Stress? Poor diet? Sleep problems? Could she know you're on here and have dipped your wick elsewhere? that would cause me to lock my legs. Couples counselling? | |||
"Depends on whether it's a man or a woman " Why does that matter? Has one more right than the other? | |||
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"Depends on whether it's a man or a woman Why does that matter? Has one more right than the other?" I'm gonna intervene and say I have been not only shocked but disgusted at the amount of fellas searching for poontang because their partner has gone off sex.... instead of supporting their partner through the hormonal and mental changes and challenges that come with procreation or the menopause. | |||
"It’s heartbreaking and only people genuinely going through it understand the situation for what it really is, some will think it’s an excuse, some will judge and point fingers, personally hand on heart I’ve tried everything, it’s just completely gone for her. People can say well leave but that’s not what I want I just have to hope it comes back and yes it’s wrong I’m here from that point of view but I have to put myself into to my thoughts and I want to think of me, even if just for a little bit of time "Have you been to couples counselling? You're 36. You really gonna live like this for the next 40+ years? | |||
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"Genuinely when I say I’ve tried everything I mean it, I’ve suggested counselling, I’ve even softly approached this lifestyle or her having fun on her own, It’s not always been this way everything else between us is amazing, just her drive is none existent, i just have to hope it comes back but she won’t talk to anyone about it, like I’ve said I just have to think about myself for a short time, I’ve already connected with a wonderful lady on here who although we won’t have anything sexual has already helped me more than I can put into words as a friend, it might be all I gain from being here." If you've suggested counselling and she has brushed the idea off, she must also take some responsibility. I did notice this isn't your first rodeo here, could it be that she knows about your previous activity on the site perhaps? You say you've already connected with a wonderful lady. People pick up on stuff, change in mood, new twinkle in the eye that you may not realise you're radiating, but your partner can see. People don't get caught out because their partner walked in on them shagging in the marital bed. People get caught out because there are tells. Tells that the cheater doesn't even know they're giving off. | |||
"Genuinely when I say I’ve tried everything I mean it, I’ve suggested counselling, I’ve even softly approached this lifestyle or her having fun on her own, It’s not always been this way everything else between us is amazing, just her drive is none existent, i just have to hope it comes back but she won’t talk to anyone about it, like I’ve said I just have to think about myself for a short time, I’ve already connected with a wonderful lady on here who although we won’t have anything sexual has already helped me more than I can put into words as a friend, it might be all I gain from being here. If you've suggested counselling and she has brushed the idea off, she must also take some responsibility. I did notice this isn't your first rodeo here, could it be that she knows about your previous activity on the site perhaps? You say you've already connected with a wonderful lady. People pick up on stuff, change in mood, new twinkle in the eye that you may not realise you're radiating, but your partner can see. People don't get caught out because their partner walked in on them shagging in the marital bed. People get caught out because there are tells. Tells that the cheater doesn't even know they're giving off." Also, when you say you've tried everything, has she been to a doctor? Could there be some past trauma that's under the surface? There are so many reasons these things happen and once the other person looks elsewhere it only serves to exacerbate and multiply those issues tenfold. | |||
"Genuinely when I say I’ve tried everything I mean it, I’ve suggested counselling, I’ve even softly approached this lifestyle or her having fun on her own, It’s not always been this way everything else between us is amazing, just her drive is none existent, i just have to hope it comes back but she won’t talk to anyone about it, like I’ve said I just have to think about myself for a short time, I’ve already connected with a wonderful lady on here who although we won’t have anything sexual has already helped me more than I can put into words as a friend, it might be all I gain from being here. If you've suggested counselling and she has brushed the idea off, she must also take some responsibility. I did notice this isn't your first rodeo here, could it be that she knows about your previous activity on the site perhaps? You say you've already connected with a wonderful lady. People pick up on stuff, change in mood, new twinkle in the eye that you may not realise you're radiating, but your partner can see. People don't get caught out because their partner walked in on them shagging in the marital bed. People get caught out because there are tells. Tells that the cheater doesn't even know they're giving off." Anything I say just makes me sound like I’m justifying why I’m here, we all have our reasons maybe I’m to honest about mine and should keep my mouth shut. I do completely understand your points though | |||
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"Unfortunately age or circumstance means that a part of the couple can lose their sex drive. If this has happened to you, how did you manage it? Did they understand that you still have urges and support you in filling them? Or did they completely turn off sex and expect you to do the same? " I think if someone just turned off and expected you to do the same they are either totally selfish and shouldn’t be in a relationship anyway, OR too embarrassed/ uncomfortable to discuss it properly and may just need more support in doing so. I don’t think it’s black and white, but as long as everything’s open and honest relationships can work in different ways to the usual monogamous. As long as theirs no cheating, lying or sneaking who cares  xx | |||
"Genuinely when I say I’ve tried everything I mean it, I’ve suggested counselling, I’ve even softly approached this lifestyle or her having fun on her own, It’s not always been this way everything else between us is amazing, just her drive is none existent, i just have to hope it comes back but she won’t talk to anyone about it, like I’ve said I just have to think about myself for a short time, I’ve already connected with a wonderful lady on here who although we won’t have anything sexual has already helped me more than I can put into words as a friend, it might be all I gain from being here. If you've suggested counselling and she has brushed the idea off, she must also take some responsibility. I did notice this isn't your first rodeo here, could it be that she knows about your previous activity on the site perhaps? You say you've already connected with a wonderful lady. People pick up on stuff, change in mood, new twinkle in the eye that you may not realise you're radiating, but your partner can see. People don't get caught out because their partner walked in on them shagging in the marital bed. People get caught out because there are tells. Tells that the cheater doesn't even know they're giving off. Anything I say just makes me sound like I’m justifying why I’m here, we all have our reasons maybe I’m to honest about mine and should keep my mouth shut. I do completely understand your points though " We do all have our reasons, same as those that aren't here or have lost their sex drives have theirs. You're not too honest at all, if I was talking to someone who hid their marital status from me I'd be devastated, and have been previously. I'm not demonising you, I'm communicating is all, from a position of someone who has been cheated on and lied to. From someone who was given chlamydia from a partner of 11 years, from someone who wasted 2 years on a dude from here who wasn't honest about his home life and I found out at lockdown part 1 I wasn't a girlfriend I was a mistress. From someone who's parents stayed together "for the kids" and it gave me a skewed perception of marriage and relationships alongside guilt that my dad was incredibly unhappy yet stayed and wasted years of potential happiness because of me. From someone who's now so damaged I cannot even consider having another relationship without having a panic attack. | |||
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"Wife going through the menopause atm, it's tough we ain't gonna lie but we're getting there. HRT patches are working a treat and my wife knows things are tricky but she goes the extra mile and makes an effort to still want to have sex, win win. And I love her dearly for that, be patient guys it just a matter of time. Men simply wouldn't cope going through it "It's so sad when dudes just do the "well, wife's off sex, I'll go elsewhere" when the menopause strikes. If their fathers did that to their mothers they'd be disgusted, or if their son in law did it to their daughter they'd want him out of her life and need restraining from kicking fuck out of him. It boggles my head when they don't even do any research on the menopause. "Womens problems eeweww" when if they actually did some reading, from a womans perspective and from a medical point of view they'd be so ashamed of themselves that they're adding to that burden. If only others tackled things the way you have. | |||
"If the loss of sex drive is due to the female partner going through menopause and they are very much in love, a great solution is for the male to undertake castration. It can induce similar symptoms to the menopause which they can share and experience together." That’s an interesting take on it.. | |||
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"Genuinely when I say I’ve tried everything I mean it, I’ve suggested counselling, I’ve even softly approached this lifestyle or her having fun on her own, It’s not always been this way everything else between us is amazing, just her drive is none existent, i just have to hope it comes back but she won’t talk to anyone about it, like I’ve said I just have to think about myself for a short time, I’ve already connected with a wonderful lady on here who although we won’t have anything sexual has already helped me more than I can put into words as a friend, it might be all I gain from being here. If you've suggested counselling and she has brushed the idea off, she must also take some responsibility. I did notice this isn't your first rodeo here, could it be that she knows about your previous activity on the site perhaps? You say you've already connected with a wonderful lady. People pick up on stuff, change in mood, new twinkle in the eye that you may not realise you're radiating, but your partner can see. People don't get caught out because their partner walked in on them shagging in the marital bed. People get caught out because there are tells. Tells that the cheater doesn't even know they're giving off. Anything I say just makes me sound like I’m justifying why I’m here, we all have our reasons maybe I’m to honest about mine and should keep my mouth shut. I do completely understand your points though We do all have our reasons, same as those that aren't here or have lost their sex drives have theirs. You're not too honest at all, if I was talking to someone who hid their marital status from me I'd be devastated, and have been previously. I'm not demonising you, I'm communicating is all, from a position of someone who has been cheated on and lied to. From someone who was given chlamydia from a partner of 11 years, from someone who wasted 2 years on a dude from here who wasn't honest about his home life and I found out at lockdown part 1 I wasn't a girlfriend I was a mistress. From someone who's parents stayed together "for the kids" and it gave me a skewed perception of marriage and relationships alongside guilt that my dad was incredibly unhappy yet stayed and wasted years of potential happiness because of me. From someone who's now so damaged I cannot even consider having another relationship without having a panic attack." Im sorry but you are demonising him. Your pretty much going with the narrative he must of done something wrong, as thats what has happened to you in the past. Im not sure thats fair. Iv known women even my age completely loose interest in sex, life can be crazy at times! And ultimately, its something that does happen to some of us at some point in life and libido wont return. What do you do if your still desiring sex? Well thats fairly obvious.. | |||
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"Genuinely when I say I’ve tried everything I mean it, I’ve suggested counselling, I’ve even softly approached this lifestyle or her having fun on her own, It’s not always been this way everything else between us is amazing, just her drive is none existent, i just have to hope it comes back but she won’t talk to anyone about it, like I’ve said I just have to think about myself for a short time, I’ve already connected with a wonderful lady on here who although we won’t have anything sexual has already helped me more than I can put into words as a friend, it might be all I gain from being here. If you've suggested counselling and she has brushed the idea off, she must also take some responsibility. I did notice this isn't your first rodeo here, could it be that she knows about your previous activity on the site perhaps? You say you've already connected with a wonderful lady. People pick up on stuff, change in mood, new twinkle in the eye that you may not realise you're radiating, but your partner can see. People don't get caught out because their partner walked in on them shagging in the marital bed. People get caught out because there are tells. Tells that the cheater doesn't even know they're giving off. Anything I say just makes me sound like I’m justifying why I’m here, we all have our reasons maybe I’m to honest about mine and should keep my mouth shut. I do completely understand your points though We do all have our reasons, same as those that aren't here or have lost their sex drives have theirs. You're not too honest at all, if I was talking to someone who hid their marital status from me I'd be devastated, and have been previously. I'm not demonising you, I'm communicating is all, from a position of someone who has been cheated on and lied to. From someone who was given chlamydia from a partner of 11 years, from someone who wasted 2 years on a dude from here who wasn't honest about his home life and I found out at lockdown part 1 I wasn't a girlfriend I was a mistress. From someone who's parents stayed together "for the kids" and it gave me a skewed perception of marriage and relationships alongside guilt that my dad was incredibly unhappy yet stayed and wasted years of potential happiness because of me. From someone who's now so damaged I cannot even consider having another relationship without having a panic attack. Im sorry but you are demonising him. Your pretty much going with the narrative he must of done something wrong, as thats what has happened to you in the past. Im not sure thats fair. Iv known women even my age completely loose interest in sex, life can be crazy at times! And ultimately, its something that does happen to some of us at some point in life and libido wont return. What do you do if your still desiring sex? Well thats fairly obvious.." Nope, I'm definitely not demonising him. I have addressed this thread far more calmly than I usually do. You'd know if I was demonising believe me, I've spoken of my own experience that could quite possibly be transferable to someone else's own situation. Would you prefer it if I dismissed the other side of the fence? Since when has asking about couples counselling been demonising? I could have sworn that was trying to help find a solution, since when has saying if his partner has refused to go to couples counselling and must take responsibility for her part in it considered demonising? I thought that was pretty fucking fair. Meh. | |||
"Genuinely when I say I’ve tried everything I mean it, I’ve suggested counselling, I’ve even softly approached this lifestyle or her having fun on her own, It’s not always been this way everything else between us is amazing, just her drive is none existent, i just have to hope it comes back but she won’t talk to anyone about it, like I’ve said I just have to think about myself for a short time, I’ve already connected with a wonderful lady on here who although we won’t have anything sexual has already helped me more than I can put into words as a friend, it might be all I gain from being here. If you've suggested counselling and she has brushed the idea off, she must also take some responsibility. I did notice this isn't your first rodeo here, could it be that she knows about your previous activity on the site perhaps? You say you've already connected with a wonderful lady. People pick up on stuff, change in mood, new twinkle in the eye that you may not realise you're radiating, but your partner can see. People don't get caught out because their partner walked in on them shagging in the marital bed. People get caught out because there are tells. Tells that the cheater doesn't even know they're giving off. Anything I say just makes me sound like I’m justifying why I’m here, we all have our reasons maybe I’m to honest about mine and should keep my mouth shut. I do completely understand your points though We do all have our reasons, same as those that aren't here or have lost their sex drives have theirs. You're not too honest at all, if I was talking to someone who hid their marital status from me I'd be devastated, and have been previously. I'm not demonising you, I'm communicating is all, from a position of someone who has been cheated on and lied to. From someone who was given chlamydia from a partner of 11 years, from someone who wasted 2 years on a dude from here who wasn't honest about his home life and I found out at lockdown part 1 I wasn't a girlfriend I was a mistress. From someone who's parents stayed together "for the kids" and it gave me a skewed perception of marriage and relationships alongside guilt that my dad was incredibly unhappy yet stayed and wasted years of potential happiness because of me. From someone who's now so damaged I cannot even consider having another relationship without having a panic attack." Tried PM for this but fall outside your age range. Really Princess not all men are like that. I hope you manage to have another relationship with someone who deserves you. Wishing you health, wealth and happiness. | |||
"Genuinely when I say I’ve tried everything I mean it, I’ve suggested counselling, I’ve even softly approached this lifestyle or her having fun on her own, It’s not always been this way everything else between us is amazing, just her drive is none existent, i just have to hope it comes back but she won’t talk to anyone about it, like I’ve said I just have to think about myself for a short time, I’ve already connected with a wonderful lady on here who although we won’t have anything sexual has already helped me more than I can put into words as a friend, it might be all I gain from being here. If you've suggested counselling and she has brushed the idea off, she must also take some responsibility. I did notice this isn't your first rodeo here, could it be that she knows about your previous activity on the site perhaps? You say you've already connected with a wonderful lady. People pick up on stuff, change in mood, new twinkle in the eye that you may not realise you're radiating, but your partner can see. People don't get caught out because their partner walked in on them shagging in the marital bed. People get caught out because there are tells. Tells that the cheater doesn't even know they're giving off. Anything I say just makes me sound like I’m justifying why I’m here, we all have our reasons maybe I’m to honest about mine and should keep my mouth shut. I do completely understand your points though We do all have our reasons, same as those that aren't here or have lost their sex drives have theirs. You're not too honest at all, if I was talking to someone who hid their marital status from me I'd be devastated, and have been previously. I'm not demonising you, I'm communicating is all, from a position of someone who has been cheated on and lied to. From someone who was given chlamydia from a partner of 11 years, from someone who wasted 2 years on a dude from here who wasn't honest about his home life and I found out at lockdown part 1 I wasn't a girlfriend I was a mistress. From someone who's parents stayed together "for the kids" and it gave me a skewed perception of marriage and relationships alongside guilt that my dad was incredibly unhappy yet stayed and wasted years of potential happiness because of me. From someone who's now so damaged I cannot even consider having another relationship without having a panic attack. Tried PM for this but fall outside your age range. Really Princess not all men are like that. I hope you manage to have another relationship with someone who deserves you. Wishing you health, wealth and happiness." I know they're not all like it, but for my own sake I cannot allow myself to take any more chances. I truly don't want another one, it wouldn't be fair on me and it wouldn't be fair on them. Besides, I see it here day in day out, I thought I was unlucky to chance upon those that didn't appreciate the value of trust and how life changing it can be when it gets abused, when in fact it's far more commonplace than I could ever have imagined. I'm here to hopefully save other people going through the hell I've been through, man or woman. If my experience inspires 1 person to go to counselling and arm themselves with the tools they need to not destroy each other then I'll continue to speak up. | |||
"Genuinely when I say I’ve tried everything I mean it, I’ve suggested counselling, I’ve even softly approached this lifestyle or her having fun on her own, It’s not always been this way everything else between us is amazing, just her drive is none existent, i just have to hope it comes back but she won’t talk to anyone about it, like I’ve said I just have to think about myself for a short time, I’ve already connected with a wonderful lady on here who although we won’t have anything sexual has already helped me more than I can put into words as a friend, it might be all I gain from being here. If you've suggested counselling and she has brushed the idea off, she must also take some responsibility. I did notice this isn't your first rodeo here, could it be that she knows about your previous activity on the site perhaps? You say you've already connected with a wonderful lady. People pick up on stuff, change in mood, new twinkle in the eye that you may not realise you're radiating, but your partner can see. People don't get caught out because their partner walked in on them shagging in the marital bed. People get caught out because there are tells. Tells that the cheater doesn't even know they're giving off. Anything I say just makes me sound like I’m justifying why I’m here, we all have our reasons maybe I’m to honest about mine and should keep my mouth shut. I do completely understand your points though We do all have our reasons, same as those that aren't here or have lost their sex drives have theirs. You're not too honest at all, if I was talking to someone who hid their marital status from me I'd be devastated, and have been previously. I'm not demonising you, I'm communicating is all, from a position of someone who has been cheated on and lied to. From someone who was given chlamydia from a partner of 11 years, from someone who wasted 2 years on a dude from here who wasn't honest about his home life and I found out at lockdown part 1 I wasn't a girlfriend I was a mistress. From someone who's parents stayed together "for the kids" and it gave me a skewed perception of marriage and relationships alongside guilt that my dad was incredibly unhappy yet stayed and wasted years of potential happiness because of me. From someone who's now so damaged I cannot even consider having another relationship without having a panic attack. Tried PM for this but fall outside your age range. Really Princess not all men are like that. I hope you manage to have another relationship with someone who deserves you. Wishing you health, wealth and happiness. I know they're not all like it, but for my own sake I cannot allow myself to take any more chances. I truly don't want another one, it wouldn't be fair on me and it wouldn't be fair on them. Besides, I see it here day in day out, I thought I was unlucky to chance upon those that didn't appreciate the value of trust and how life changing it can be when it gets abused, when in fact it's far more commonplace than I could ever have imagined. I'm here to hopefully save other people going through the hell I've been through, man or woman. If my experience inspires 1 person to go to counselling and arm themselves with the tools they need to not destroy each other then I'll continue to speak up. " Nothing else to say but  | |||
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"Some really good discussion here. My story is that I married my third wife knowing she wasn't very interested in sex having had a long and abusive marriage elsewhere. My first wife and I had had sex with others and threesomes, but it felt like third time lucky as a person. We tried, then had counselling; she didn't like HRT and found sex painful. Our therapist basically said do what works for you, so I arrived here with my wife's blessing. It took a while but I found a couple where the husband could only function by watching another man with his wife - a perfect match. Two years on we are all four very happy with the arrangement and can't wait for lock-down to end. So yes, it can work out."  | |||
"Genuinely when I say I’ve tried everything I mean it, I’ve suggested counselling, I’ve even softly approached this lifestyle or her having fun on her own, It’s not always been this way everything else between us is amazing, just her drive is none existent, i just have to hope it comes back but she won’t talk to anyone about it, like I’ve said I just have to think about myself for a short time, I’ve already connected with a wonderful lady on here who although we won’t have anything sexual has already helped me more than I can put into words as a friend, it might be all I gain from being here. If you've suggested counselling and she has brushed the idea off, she must also take some responsibility. I did notice this isn't your first rodeo here, could it be that she knows about your previous activity on the site perhaps? You say you've already connected with a wonderful lady. People pick up on stuff, change in mood, new twinkle in the eye that you may not realise you're radiating, but your partner can see. People don't get caught out because their partner walked in on them shagging in the marital bed. People get caught out because there are tells. Tells that the cheater doesn't even know they're giving off. Anything I say just makes me sound like I’m justifying why I’m here, we all have our reasons maybe I’m to honest about mine and should keep my mouth shut. I do completely understand your points though We do all have our reasons, same as those that aren't here or have lost their sex drives have theirs. You're not too honest at all, if I was talking to someone who hid their marital status from me I'd be devastated, and have been previously. I'm not demonising you, I'm communicating is all, from a position of someone who has been cheated on and lied to. From someone who was given chlamydia from a partner of 11 years, from someone who wasted 2 years on a dude from here who wasn't honest about his home life and I found out at lockdown part 1 I wasn't a girlfriend I was a mistress. From someone who's parents stayed together "for the kids" and it gave me a skewed perception of marriage and relationships alongside guilt that my dad was incredibly unhappy yet stayed and wasted years of potential happiness because of me. From someone who's now so damaged I cannot even consider having another relationship without having a panic attack. Tried PM for this but fall outside your age range. Really Princess not all men are like that. I hope you manage to have another relationship with someone who deserves you. Wishing you health, wealth and happiness. I know they're not all like it, but for my own sake I cannot allow myself to take any more chances. I truly don't want another one, it wouldn't be fair on me and it wouldn't be fair on them. Besides, I see it here day in day out, I thought I was unlucky to chance upon those that didn't appreciate the value of trust and how life changing it can be when it gets abused, when in fact it's far more commonplace than I could ever have imagined. I'm here to hopefully save other people going through the hell I've been through, man or woman. If my experience inspires 1 person to go to counselling and arm themselves with the tools they need to not destroy each other then I'll continue to speak up. " I've read your posts with interest in the past due to being in a similar situation. I think sharing your experience is done in a thoughtful and helpful way, and challenging someone to think differently isn't demonising in the slightest. I love your frankness and honesty. Keep being you. | |||
"Depends on whether it's a man or a woman Why does that matter? Has one more right than the other?" This exactly why should one be different to the other? | |||
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"They advised me to make a single Fab profile and meet on my own. " The same here. We used to have a cpl profile, but she slowed down only playing occasionally mmf. | |||
"If the loss of sex drive is due to the female partner going through menopause and they are very much in love, a great solution is for the male to undertake castration. It can induce similar symptoms to the menopause which they can share and experience together." Good idea!! | |||
"If the loss of sex drive is due to the female partner going through menopause and they are very much in love, a great solution is for the male to undertake castration. It can induce similar symptoms to the menopause which they can share and experience together. Good idea!!" A rather cruel and cynical attitude to what is a serious problem for many couples. This can affect all genders. | |||
"I think marriages are hard, and sex sits so close to the human ego that any complexity in that relationship can easily manifest itself in sex diminishing/halting. Here is easy as that depth is gone, even those who look for connection... sexual chemistry is still on a single plain while life partnership and family is multi faceted. I am in an consensual open marriage, but it took us a long time to get her... counselling, sexual frustration, dry patches, duty sex, tearful sex... I feel grateful every day we worked at it and keep working at it to find the right answer for us. To any of the married but secret Fab prowlers out there, I highly recommend the podcast "Where Do We Begin" by Esther Perel as a way to unpick and reframe tour thoughts. I more than anyone appreciate "talking about it" is a real passion killer, and pretty hard to navigate But stay honest folks... lies unravel in the end x" I’ll definitely have a listen to that podcast, thank you for pointing it out | |||
"If the loss of sex drive is due to the female partner going through menopause and they are very much in love, a great solution is for the male to undertake castration. It can induce similar symptoms to the menopause which they can share and experience together. Good idea!! A rather cruel and cynical attitude to what is a serious problem for many couples. This can affect all genders." You don't think people should empathise with others? How can they know how it feels if they haven't experienced it? | |||
"If the loss of sex drive is due to the female partner going through menopause and they are very much in love, a great solution is for the male to undertake castration. It can induce similar symptoms to the menopause which they can share and experience together. Good idea!! A rather cruel and cynical attitude to what is a serious problem for many couples. This can affect all genders. You don't think people should empathise with others? How can they know how it feels if they haven't experienced it?" Empathy yes. Suggest bodily mutilation as the way to achieve it no. | |||
"Genuinely when I say I’ve tried everything I mean it, I’ve suggested counselling, I’ve even softly approached this lifestyle or her having fun on her own, It’s not always been this way everything else between us is amazing, just her drive is none existent, i just have to hope it comes back but she won’t talk to anyone about it, like I’ve said I just have to think about myself for a short time, I’ve already connected with a wonderful lady on here who although we won’t have anything sexual has already helped me more than I can put into words as a friend, it might be all I gain from being here. If you've suggested counselling and she has brushed the idea off, she must also take some responsibility. I did notice this isn't your first rodeo here, could it be that she knows about your previous activity on the site perhaps? You say you've already connected with a wonderful lady. People pick up on stuff, change in mood, new twinkle in the eye that you may not realise you're radiating, but your partner can see. People don't get caught out because their partner walked in on them shagging in the marital bed. People get caught out because there are tells. Tells that the cheater doesn't even know they're giving off. Anything I say just makes me sound like I’m justifying why I’m here, we all have our reasons maybe I’m to honest about mine and should keep my mouth shut. I do completely understand your points though We do all have our reasons, same as those that aren't here or have lost their sex drives have theirs. You're not too honest at all, if I was talking to someone who hid their marital status from me I'd be devastated, and have been previously. I'm not demonising you, I'm communicating is all, from a position of someone who has been cheated on and lied to. From someone who was given chlamydia from a partner of 11 years, from someone who wasted 2 years on a dude from here who wasn't honest about his home life and I found out at lockdown part 1 I wasn't a girlfriend I was a mistress. From someone who's parents stayed together "for the kids" and it gave me a skewed perception of marriage and relationships alongside guilt that my dad was incredibly unhappy yet stayed and wasted years of potential happiness because of me. From someone who's now so damaged I cannot even consider having another relationship without having a panic attack. Tried PM for this but fall outside your age range. Really Princess not all men are like that. I hope you manage to have another relationship with someone who deserves you. Wishing you health, wealth and happiness. I know they're not all like it, but for my own sake I cannot allow myself to take any more chances. I truly don't want another one, it wouldn't be fair on me and it wouldn't be fair on them. Besides, I see it here day in day out, I thought I was unlucky to chance upon those that didn't appreciate the value of trust and how life changing it can be when it gets abused, when in fact it's far more commonplace than I could ever have imagined. I'm here to hopefully save other people going through the hell I've been through, man or woman. If my experience inspires 1 person to go to counselling and arm themselves with the tools they need to not destroy each other then I'll continue to speak up. " You should always speak your mind, the truth hurts and your comments have made me take a little step back and think about what I’m really doing here, I go through so many emotions on a daily basis, I’m genuinely a little bit lost with it all. I think until somebody is in the situation is hard to fully understand, think about having no type of sexual contact with the person you adore, it’s heartbreaking. I don’t want to cheat and sneak about, so what are my options ?? I’ve tried absolutely everything humanly possible, in my head I came to a point and thought I either need to leave or I need to seek that side of things elsewhere, Leaving is not a option, i just don’t understand where I come into this equation all I ever do is put everyone else before myself and my needs. Anyway I’m just going to stay part of the forums for now and just see what happens, it’s nice just getting things off my chest, I respect everyone’s comments. I don’t think it’s a right or wrong debate it’s a personal decision. I do hope you find happiness we all deserve that | |||
"If the loss of sex drive is due to the female partner going through menopause and they are very much in love, a great solution is for the male to undertake castration. It can induce similar symptoms to the menopause which they can share and experience together. Good idea!! A rather cruel and cynical attitude to what is a serious problem for many couples. This can affect all genders. You don't think people should empathise with others? How can they know how it feels if they haven't experienced it? Empathy yes. Suggest bodily mutilation as the way to achieve it no." I was to the theory. Clearly not to actual mutilation as that's a one way street. | |||
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"Genuinely when I say I’ve tried everything I mean it, I’ve suggested counselling, I’ve even softly approached this lifestyle or her having fun on her own, It’s not always been this way everything else between us is amazing, just her drive is none existent, i just have to hope it comes back but she won’t talk to anyone about it, like I’ve said I just have to think about myself for a short time, I’ve already connected with a wonderful lady on here who although we won’t have anything sexual has already helped me more than I can put into words as a friend, it might be all I gain from being here. If you've suggested counselling and she has brushed the idea off, she must also take some responsibility. I did notice this isn't your first rodeo here, could it be that she knows about your previous activity on the site perhaps? You say you've already connected with a wonderful lady. People pick up on stuff, change in mood, new twinkle in the eye that you may not realise you're radiating, but your partner can see. People don't get caught out because their partner walked in on them shagging in the marital bed. People get caught out because there are tells. Tells that the cheater doesn't even know they're giving off. Anything I say just makes me sound like I’m justifying why I’m here, we all have our reasons maybe I’m to honest about mine and should keep my mouth shut. I do completely understand your points though We do all have our reasons, same as those that aren't here or have lost their sex drives have theirs. You're not too honest at all, if I was talking to someone who hid their marital status from me I'd be devastated, and have been previously. I'm not demonising you, I'm communicating is all, from a position of someone who has been cheated on and lied to. From someone who was given chlamydia from a partner of 11 years, from someone who wasted 2 years on a dude from here who wasn't honest about his home life and I found out at lockdown part 1 I wasn't a girlfriend I was a mistress. From someone who's parents stayed together "for the kids" and it gave me a skewed perception of marriage and relationships alongside guilt that my dad was incredibly unhappy yet stayed and wasted years of potential happiness because of me. From someone who's now so damaged I cannot even consider having another relationship without having a panic attack. Tried PM for this but fall outside your age range. Really Princess not all men are like that. I hope you manage to have another relationship with someone who deserves you. Wishing you health, wealth and happiness. I know they're not all like it, but for my own sake I cannot allow myself to take any more chances. I truly don't want another one, it wouldn't be fair on me and it wouldn't be fair on them. Besides, I see it here day in day out, I thought I was unlucky to chance upon those that didn't appreciate the value of trust and how life changing it can be when it gets abused, when in fact it's far more commonplace than I could ever have imagined. I'm here to hopefully save other people going through the hell I've been through, man or woman. If my experience inspires 1 person to go to counselling and arm themselves with the tools they need to not destroy each other then I'll continue to speak up. You should always speak your mind, the truth hurts and your comments have made me take a little step back and think about what I’m really doing here, I go through so many emotions on a daily basis, I’m genuinely a little bit lost with it all. I think until somebody is in the situation is hard to fully understand, think about having no type of sexual contact with the person you adore, it’s heartbreaking. I don’t want to cheat and sneak about, so what are my options ?? I’ve tried absolutely everything humanly possible, in my head I came to a point and thought I either need to leave or I need to seek that side of things elsewhere, Leaving is not a option, i just don’t understand where I come into this equation all I ever do is put everyone else before myself and my needs. Anyway I’m just going to stay part of the forums for now and just see what happens, it’s nice just getting things off my chest, I respect everyone’s comments. I don’t think it’s a right or wrong debate it’s a personal decision. I do hope you find happiness we all deserve that " As I do you. And believe, if your wife was also part of this discussion I'd be telling her she was behaving in a way that will likely cause you feelings of self doubt, pushing you away and without open and honest communication that's respectful and considerate, listening to truly hear instead of listening to reply, things will remain stagnant and will breed resentment. Neither if you can understand the other if things are being kept locked in a box and ignored. | |||
"I think marriages are hard, and sex sits so close to the human ego that any complexity in that relationship can easily manifest itself in sex diminishing/halting. Here is easy as that depth is gone, even those who look for connection... sexual chemistry is still on a single plain while life partnership and family is multi faceted. I am in an consensual open marriage, but it took us a long time to get her... counselling, sexual frustration, dry patches, duty sex, tearful sex... I feel grateful every day we worked at it and keep working at it to find the right answer for us. To any of the married but secret Fab prowlers out there, I highly recommend the podcast "Where Do We Begin" by Esther Perel as a way to unpick and reframe tour thoughts. I more than anyone appreciate "talking about it" is a real passion killer, and pretty hard to navigate But stay honest folks... lies unravel in the end x I’ll definitely have a listen to that podcast, thank you for pointing it out "No probs Jack, I've been watching you backand forth with Princess and so glad you are taking pause and reflecting... there's often a million paths to something, and it's ok to wander down one and realise maybe it wasn't quite right. Just keep noticing and as Princess says don't bottle. Also revisit with your wife just coz a conversation went one way one time, doesn't mean it should never be revisited. All the best x | |||
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"Unfortunately age or circumstance means that a part of the couple can lose their sex drive. If this has happened to you, how did you manage it? Did they understand that you still have urges and support you in filling them? Or did they completely turn off sex and expect you to do the same? " Been in a totally sexless marriage for 19 years. Ill health finally killed it. But there was little interest before that either. I mostly just did without, drank and wanked a lot. But last few years I've really missed any element of physical intimacy, not just sex. So I signed up here a couple of years ago, and found Fab to be totally sexless too.
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"Unfortunately age or circumstance means that a part of the couple can lose their sex drive. If this has happened to you, how did you manage it? Did they understand that you still have urges and support you in filling them? Or did they completely turn off sex and expect you to do the same? " *most* just cheat in my experience | |||
"Genuinely when I say I’ve tried everything I mean it, I’ve suggested counselling, I’ve even softly approached this lifestyle or her having fun on her own, It’s not always been this way everything else between us is amazing, just her drive is none existent, i just have to hope it comes back but she won’t talk to anyone about it, like I’ve said I just have to think about myself for a short time, I’ve already connected with a wonderful lady on here who although we won’t have anything sexual has already helped me more than I can put into words as a friend, it might be all I gain from being here. If you've suggested counselling and she has brushed the idea off, she must also take some responsibility. I did notice this isn't your first rodeo here, could it be that she knows about your previous activity on the site perhaps? You say you've already connected with a wonderful lady. People pick up on stuff, change in mood, new twinkle in the eye that you may not realise you're radiating, but your partner can see. People don't get caught out because their partner walked in on them shagging in the marital bed. People get caught out because there are tells. Tells that the cheater doesn't even know they're giving off. Anything I say just makes me sound like I’m justifying why I’m here, we all have our reasons maybe I’m to honest about mine and should keep my mouth shut. I do completely understand your points though We do all have our reasons, same as those that aren't here or have lost their sex drives have theirs. You're not too honest at all, if I was talking to someone who hid their marital status from me I'd be devastated, and have been previously. I'm not demonising you, I'm communicating is all, from a position of someone who has been cheated on and lied to. From someone who was given chlamydia from a partner of 11 years, from someone who wasted 2 years on a dude from here who wasn't honest about his home life and I found out at lockdown part 1 I wasn't a girlfriend I was a mistress. From someone who's parents stayed together "for the kids" and it gave me a skewed perception of marriage and relationships alongside guilt that my dad was incredibly unhappy yet stayed and wasted years of potential happiness because of me. From someone who's now so damaged I cannot even consider having another relationship without having a panic attack. Tried PM for this but fall outside your age range. Really Princess not all men are like that. I hope you manage to have another relationship with someone who deserves you. Wishing you health, wealth and happiness. I know they're not all like it, but for my own sake I cannot allow myself to take any more chances. I truly don't want another one, it wouldn't be fair on me and it wouldn't be fair on them. Besides, I see it here day in day out, I thought I was unlucky to chance upon those that didn't appreciate the value of trust and how life changing it can be when it gets abused, when in fact it's far more commonplace than I could ever have imagined. I'm here to hopefully save other people going through the hell I've been through, man or woman. If my experience inspires 1 person to go to counselling and arm themselves with the tools they need to not destroy each other then I'll continue to speak up. You should always speak your mind, the truth hurts and your comments have made me take a little step back and think about what I’m really doing here, I go through so many emotions on a daily basis, I’m genuinely a little bit lost with it all. I think until somebody is in the situation is hard to fully understand, think about having no type of sexual contact with the person you adore, it’s heartbreaking. I don’t want to cheat and sneak about, so what are my options ?? I’ve tried absolutely everything humanly possible, in my head I came to a point and thought I either need to leave or I need to seek that side of things elsewhere, Leaving is not a option, i just don’t understand where I come into this equation all I ever do is put everyone else before myself and my needs. Anyway I’m just going to stay part of the forums for now and just see what happens, it’s nice just getting things off my chest, I respect everyone’s comments. I don’t think it’s a right or wrong debate it’s a personal decision. I do hope you find happiness we all deserve that As I do you. And believe, if your wife was also part of this discussion I'd be telling her she was behaving in a way that will likely cause you feelings of self doubt, pushing you away and without open and honest communication that's respectful and considerate, listening to truly hear instead of listening to reply, things will remain stagnant and will breed resentment. Neither if you can understand the other if things are being kept locked in a box and ignored." Thanks princess, I appreciate your words and completely understand them. I know people will judge me and I’m prepared for that and don’t blame them I’d be one of them if I wasn’t feeling this way being the one going through it. Who it’s not about my sexual needs or frustrations/urges it’s about how it makes me feel as a person and I miss the connection. Anyway again thank you | |||
"I think marriages are hard, and sex sits so close to the human ego that any complexity in that relationship can easily manifest itself in sex diminishing/halting. Here is easy as that depth is gone, even those who look for connection... sexual chemistry is still on a single plain while life partnership and family is multi faceted. I am in an consensual open marriage, but it took us a long time to get her... counselling, sexual frustration, dry patches, duty sex, tearful sex... I feel grateful every day we worked at it and keep working at it to find the right answer for us. To any of the married but secret Fab prowlers out there, I highly recommend the podcast "Where Do We Begin" by Esther Perel as a way to unpick and reframe tour thoughts. I more than anyone appreciate "talking about it" is a real passion killer, and pretty hard to navigate But stay honest folks... lies unravel in the end x I’ll definitely have a listen to that podcast, thank you for pointing it out
No probs Jack, I've been watching you backand forth with Princess and so glad you are taking pause and reflecting... there's often a million paths to something, and it's ok to wander down one and realise maybe it wasn't quite right. Just keep noticing and as Princess says don't bottle. Also revisit with your wife just coz a conversation went one way one time, doesn't mean it should never be revisited. All the best x"Can you imagine how many times I’ve had the conversation, or tried to help things naturally. I completely understand people’s reaction. Thanks for your advice I do appreciate it | |||
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"Maybe she's on here getting her fill too" Lol I doubt it, it would be nice to think she was though | |||
"I understand that things change in people, but what really hurts me is her anger if I want masturbate as we no longer have sex. We were both highly sexually before but now she expects me to forget all about it" Do it discreetly then. Are you doing it in front of her on purpose to try and shame her? | |||
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"I understand that things change in people, but what really hurts me is her anger if I want masturbate as we no longer have sex. We were both highly sexually before but now she expects me to forget all about it" This i find totally unreasonable. I went through periods in my marriage where sex was off the table and had no problems with him masterbating however he wanted - eg with magazines. | |||
