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She’s asked
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What age would you approve of your daughter asking if her boyfriend can stay over?"
No boyfriends to be staying at mine until she's 18. I've got a while yet tho thankfully until that conversation. |
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Is there an age? The younger they are the more innocent you expect them to be, the older they are, is their expectation that permission to stay equates to anything goes?
How long have they been together?
For what it's worth, when I asked my mum if Debs could stay over for the first time, all those years ago, the answer was yes, but separate rooms. 
Our kids aren't yet old enough to want that to happen! |
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Depends how long they’ve been together.
If they’ve been together a while, then crack on. You’ll never force teenagers to be celibate and I’d rather they were shagging somewhere safe and warm than in the woods.
Just keep the volume down. |
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My son and his girlfriend were 17 and stayed over here or at hers. I'd much rather know they're safe than them trying to do things illicitly. They're now 18 and living together at uni (with a third housemate). In my view, the last thing I wanted was them hanging out in dodgy areas, trying to do what teenagers do in outdoor places (our son knew there were condoms in the bathroom cupboard, for example). I personally think trying to deny that you older teen is sexually active or trying to prevent them spending time with a romantic partner is counterproductive and potentially encourages unsafe behaviour. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Depends how long they’ve been together.
If they’ve been together a while, then crack on. You’ll never force teenagers to be celibate and I’d rather they were shagging somewhere safe and warm than in the woods.
Just keep the volume down."
That’s exactly what I thought |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Depends how long they’ve been together.
If they’ve been together a while, then crack on. You’ll never force teenagers to be celibate and I’d rather they were shagging somewhere safe and warm than in the woods.
Just keep the volume down."
this.
Circumstance is far more important than age. If she's got a steady boyfriend (as much as teenagers can) and she seems ready, and not like she's being pressured or used then she can have him stay. She'll only end up fucking in a park somewhere otherwise.
For casual sex when she probably needs to be 18 really to handle the scene, but it depends on her maturity and emotional state tbh.
I don't have to worry about this for a while! Xx |
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By *rs RavensongWoman
over a year ago
Cheltenham, Gloucestershire |
My daughter was 17 when her 23 year old boyfriend stayed over (she's very emotionally mature for her age, and they're a perfect match). He lived a fair distance away at the time, so used to come and stay at weekends. He secured a job locally to us, and relocated about 6 months after they'd started to see each other. He came to stay with us for a month or so while he started his new job and found himself somewhere to live nearby - we wanted to support him while he made the transition.
Shes now 23, and he's 30 - they've been married for 2 years, and are blissfully happy together. They've told us numerous times how grateful they are that we supported them, and we all have a very close relationship.
I think it really depends on the young woman, and obviously who she wants to invite into her bed, as to whether someone staying over is deemed appropriate by the parents. I remember my feelings being very strong at that age, but my parents weren't supportive or understanding about my life choices. It didn't stop me doing what I wanted to, it just caused distance and resentment towards my parents.
Every situation is different, but a young person's opinion and feelings should always be validated and listened to, even if parents decide that what they're asking for isn't appropriate - they should at least be offered a reasoned explanation, out of respect and consideration for them.
V x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My daughter was 17 when her 23 year old boyfriend stayed over (she's very emotionally mature for her age, and they're a perfect match). He lived a fair distance away at the time, so used to come and stay at weekends. He secured a job locally to us, and relocated about 6 months after they'd started to see each other. He came to stay with us for a month or so while he started his new job and found himself somewhere to live nearby - we wanted to support him while he made the transition.
Shes now 23, and he's 30 - they've been married for 2 years, and are blissfully happy together. They've told us numerous times how grateful they are that we supported them, and we all have a very close relationship.
I think it really depends on the young woman, and obviously who she wants to invite into her bed, as to whether someone staying over is deemed appropriate by the parents. I remember my feelings being very strong at that age, but my parents weren't supportive or understanding about my life choices. It didn't stop me doing what I wanted to, it just caused distance and resentment towards my parents.
Every situation is different, but a young person's opinion and feelings should always be validated and listened to, even if parents decide that what they're asking for isn't appropriate - they should at least be offered a reasoned explanation, out of respect and consideration for them.
V x"
Well she had a chat to me few weeks ago also I’ve noticed certain toys of mine disappear then go back in my draws. So obviously hormones going crazy so yea better for them to be here than in his car where I’ve no doubt they have already  |
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My parents wouldn’t let my boyfriend stay unless it was separate bedrooms I was 19. A few months later I told them I was pregnant ( very much planned and wanted) my dad said the worst thing that could happen already has so may as well sleep together. We have been together 15 years and married 7. Young people will find a way! I will approach it very differently with my children. X |
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"My parents wouldn’t let my boyfriend stay unless it was separate bedrooms I was 19. A few months later I told them I was pregnant ( very much planned and wanted) my dad said the worst thing that could happen already has so may as well sleep together. We have been together 15 years and married 7. Young people will find a way! I will approach it very differently with my children. X"
I think trying to obstruct young people of legal age is really silly and counterproductive! As you say, they'll find a way. I'd much prefer them to be safe (in all senses) and supported. My son (18) talks to me about personal problems etc, including sex, and I'm thrilled he feels like he can. Much better than getting answers from porn or random websites. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My parents wouldn’t let my boyfriend stay unless it was separate bedrooms I was 19. A few months later I told them I was pregnant ( very much planned and wanted) my dad said the worst thing that could happen already has so may as well sleep together. We have been together 15 years and married 7. Young people will find a way! I will approach it very differently with my children. X
I think trying to obstruct young people of legal age is really silly and counterproductive! As you say, they'll find a way. I'd much prefer them to be safe (in all senses) and supported. My son (18) talks to me about personal problems etc, including sex, and I'm thrilled he feels like he can. Much better than getting answers from porn or random websites."
What does he ask you  |
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"My parents wouldn’t let my boyfriend stay unless it was separate bedrooms I was 19. A few months later I told them I was pregnant ( very much planned and wanted) my dad said the worst thing that could happen already has so may as well sleep together. We have been together 15 years and married 7. Young people will find a way! I will approach it very differently with my children. X
I think trying to obstruct young people of legal age is really silly and counterproductive! As you say, they'll find a way. I'd much prefer them to be safe (in all senses) and supported. My son (18) talks to me about personal problems etc, including sex, and I'm thrilled he feels like he can. Much better than getting answers from porn or random websites.
What does he ask you "
He's talked to me about challenges in differing sex drive, due to various things. His girlfriend has spoken to me about her contraception. Things like that. He can ask me anything and I'll be honest with him. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My parents wouldn’t let my boyfriend stay unless it was separate bedrooms I was 19. A few months later I told them I was pregnant ( very much planned and wanted) my dad said the worst thing that could happen already has so may as well sleep together. We have been together 15 years and married 7. Young people will find a way! I will approach it very differently with my children. X
I think trying to obstruct young people of legal age is really silly and counterproductive! As you say, they'll find a way. I'd much prefer them to be safe (in all senses) and supported. My son (18) talks to me about personal problems etc, including sex, and I'm thrilled he feels like he can. Much better than getting answers from porn or random websites.
What does he ask you
He's talked to me about challenges in differing sex drive, due to various things. His girlfriend has spoken to me about her contraception. Things like that. He can ask me anything and I'll be honest with him."
What would you say if he asked how to please a woman and could you show him |
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By *rs RavensongWoman
over a year ago
Cheltenham, Gloucestershire |
"My parents wouldn’t let my boyfriend stay unless it was separate bedrooms I was 19. A few months later I told them I was pregnant ( very much planned and wanted) my dad said the worst thing that could happen already has so may as well sleep together. We have been together 15 years and married 7. Young people will find a way! I will approach it very differently with my children. X
I think trying to obstruct young people of legal age is really silly and counterproductive! As you say, they'll find a way. I'd much prefer them to be safe (in all senses) and supported. My son (18) talks to me about personal problems etc, including sex, and I'm thrilled he feels like he can. Much better than getting answers from porn or random websites."
I totally agree with this - both of my children have always been able to talk to me about anything, especially personal issues, and I've always done my best to adopt a non-judgemental, proactive attitude towards helping them. I'd much rather they felt safe enough to talk to me and get the support and advice they need, rather than look elsewhere and get misleading information, and potentially make disastrous mistakes. When children develop into young adults, it's best to adapt your attitude towards parenting them, so they get the support they need growing up.
V x |
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"My parents wouldn’t let my boyfriend stay unless it was separate bedrooms I was 19. A few months later I told them I was pregnant ( very much planned and wanted) my dad said the worst thing that could happen already has so may as well sleep together. We have been together 15 years and married 7. Young people will find a way! I will approach it very differently with my children. X
I think trying to obstruct young people of legal age is really silly and counterproductive! As you say, they'll find a way. I'd much prefer them to be safe (in all senses) and supported. My son (18) talks to me about personal problems etc, including sex, and I'm thrilled he feels like he can. Much better than getting answers from porn or random websites.
What does he ask you
He's talked to me about challenges in differing sex drive, due to various things. His girlfriend has spoken to me about her contraception. Things like that. He can ask me anything and I'll be honest with him.
What would you say if he asked how to please a woman and could you show him"
I wouldn't show him. I'd say he should speak to his girlfriend and see what she likes, maybe suggest a book on the matter, I'd encourage open communication between them basically. No-one can tell someone how to please another because different strokes for different folks. |
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As others have said it all depends on the child's relationship with their partner. If it started 2 mins ago then no it ain't happening but that being said if they are going to do it they will just find somewhere else to do so.
My step son of 23 has been told he can not have a lady (or boy for that matter) to stay until we have met her and they are in a more stable relationship. We never see a friend of either sex and he seams to spend most of his time gaming online so not worried on that score at the moment. Wish he would find love instead but it's his life. |
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"My son and his girlfriend were 17 and stayed over here or at hers. I'd much rather know they're safe than them trying to do things illicitly. They're now 18 and living together at uni (with a third housemate). In my view, the last thing I wanted was them hanging out in dodgy areas, trying to do what teenagers do in outdoor places (our son knew there were condoms in the bathroom cupboard, for example). I personally think trying to deny that you older teen is sexually active or trying to prevent them spending time with a romantic partner is counterproductive and potentially encourages unsafe behaviour."
^ That.
Too many people seem to view their children (and their children’s bodies) as being somehow their property, rather than as human beings who should be in control of their own lives when it comes to sex and relationships.
The key thing that the parents should really be worried about is if they need PROTECTING in such matters, and I’d argue that you can do that far better in your own house. If they turn up with a fifty-year old bloke they’ve only just met, then I could see that there might be some friction there. |
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By *AYENCouple
over a year ago
Lincolnshire |
You have to accept your child is growing up and should surely support them as best you can. As hard as it is, I will give her the freedom to make her own decisions and mistakes, so I wouldn't deny the request when it comes. K |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For us age isn't really that important in the grand scheme of things. Our eldest daughter is now 16 and talks to us about everything (we think).
We have always tried to approach these things in an open manner and provide no judgements. It seems to have worked for us. She's very sensible and if she is having thoughts or wants to know something she speaks to us. |
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By *1011Woman
over a year ago
Barnsley |
I always lied to my dad and stayed at a boyfriends from age 15. We were already having sex by then but I wasn't daft and took myself to the doctors for contraception.
I'd hope my daughter would be comfortable enough to approach me about anything and the same goes for my sons. Even now at such young ages if they ask a question I try to be as honest as possible. I think shielding them from top much cam have the opposite effect but I do dread the day in years to come that boyfriends and girlfriends become a thing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What age would you approve of your daughter asking if her boyfriend can stay over?"
Say yes, provided the boyfriend is willing to sign a legally binding contract to fully fund the support of a child for 21 years. That should see him off! |
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"Depends how long they’ve been together.
If they’ve been together a while, then crack on. You’ll never force teenagers to be celibate and I’d rather they were shagging somewhere safe and warm than in the woods.
Just keep the volume down."
Lol absolutely, the woods are not safe. That’s where we walk the dog to get away from the kids lol.
That’s also why I had a car by the time I was 18 .
Mr |
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"My daughter was 17 when her 23 year old boyfriend stayed over (she's very emotionally mature for her age, and they're a perfect match). He lived a fair distance away at the time, so used to come and stay at weekends. He secured a job locally to us, and relocated about 6 months after they'd started to see each other. He came to stay with us for a month or so while he started his new job and found himself somewhere to live nearby - we wanted to support him while he made the transition.
Shes now 23, and he's 30 - they've been married for 2 years, and are blissfully happy together. They've told us numerous times how grateful they are that we supported them, and we all have a very close relationship.
I think it really depends on the young woman, and obviously who she wants to invite into her bed, as to whether someone staying over is deemed appropriate by the parents. I remember my feelings being very strong at that age, but my parents weren't supportive or understanding about my life choices. It didn't stop me doing what I wanted to, it just caused distance and resentment towards my parents.
Every situation is different, but a young person's opinion and feelings should always be validated and listened to, even if parents decide that what they're asking for isn't appropriate - they should at least be offered a reasoned explanation, out of respect and consideration for them.
V x
Well she had a chat to me few weeks ago also I’ve noticed certain toys of mine disappear then go back in my draws. So obviously hormones going crazy so yea better for them to be here than in his car where I’ve no doubt they have already "
Are you saying your daughter is using your sex toys and returning them? Did I read that right?  if so, I find that quite uncomfortable. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m sorry I don’t understand the question. Why would one of my daughters boyfriends stop over? Here. At my house.
I see no reason for this to happen. Ever. |
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"I think dad's have a harder time than mum's with accepting their little girl has grown up"
Its even harder when your a single parent.
Ive allowed it at 16-17 as I just knew that they would find a way to do it anyway.
As above had to be together for a reasonable time.
Yes I had the roll eyes look at the discussion of him sleeping over.
Also the protection comment spoken about but ive no choice in the matter.
I can sulk be stropy and argue like most men with there daughters and yes threraten there boyfriends 
But being single you dont have the luxuries you have to learn to give and trust her to do the right thing. |
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A serious question to everyone saying "never" or "not until they're married" etc. Why? What positive for your offspring do you think will come from denying they have reached maturity? What if they choose never to marry? What if they can't leave home for ages, do you expect your 20 or 30 something to never have a romantic partner to sleep over? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My daughter was 16 when I let her boyfriend stay over. They’d been together over 12 months at that point.
I made sure she was on the pill before hand and also told her where condoms were.
I would rather she was at home safe than out on the streets somewhere getting up to horny teenage stuff.
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"My husband died eight years ago. Since then I have never had a romantic partner sleep over.
Is that your personal choice?"
Yes. I wouldn't feel comfortable with my children seeing or hearing me in bed with someone. |
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"My husband died eight years ago. Since then I have never had a romantic partner sleep over.
Is that your personal choice?
Yes. I wouldn't feel comfortable with my children seeing or hearing me in bed with someone. "
Which is, of course, entirely your perogative but perhaps a bit of a sideways shift from the OP? Assuming Covid issues weren't a thing, would you consider allowing your older teen or adult children to have romantic partners to stay (assuming they live with you)? |
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"Yes sorry to hijack the thread. My apologies. Yes I have let my adult children have their long term partners sleep over occasionally. "
You didn't hijack the thread. You shared what you wanted to share at the time you wanted to share it. That's absolutely fine by us. We try not to give uninvited advice and certainly not on a forum on a swingers website but we hope you are doing OK. |
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"Yes sorry to hijack the thread. My apologies. Yes I have let my adult children have their long term partners sleep over occasionally.
You didn't hijack the thread. You shared what you wanted to share at the time you wanted to share it. That's absolutely fine by us. We try not to give uninvited advice and certainly not on a forum on a swingers website but we hope you are doing OK. "
Oh shit I hope that doesn't come across as patronising as it sounded when I just read it back. I'm apologising now! |
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"Yes sorry to hijack the thread. My apologies. Yes I have let my adult children have their long term partners sleep over occasionally.
You didn't hijack the thread. You shared what you wanted to share at the time you wanted to share it. That's absolutely fine by us. We try not to give uninvited advice and certainly not on a forum on a swingers website but we hope you are doing OK.
Oh shit I hope that doesn't come across as patronising as it sounded when I just read it back. I'm apologising now!"
It did come over as patronising |
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"Yes sorry to hijack the thread. My apologies. Yes I have let my adult children have their long term partners sleep over occasionally.
You didn't hijack the thread. You shared what you wanted to share at the time you wanted to share it. That's absolutely fine by us. We try not to give uninvited advice and certainly not on a forum on a swingers website but we hope you are doing OK.
Oh shit I hope that doesn't come across as patronising as it sounded when I just read it back. I'm apologising now!
It did come over as patronising "
I think I realised that hence my 2nd post. Thanks for pointing it out though, genuinely grateful for your contribution. |
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"Yes sorry to hijack the thread. My apologies. Yes I have let my adult children have their long term partners sleep over occasionally.
You didn't hijack the thread. You shared what you wanted to share at the time you wanted to share it. That's absolutely fine by us. We try not to give uninvited advice and certainly not on a forum on a swingers website but we hope you are doing OK.
Oh shit I hope that doesn't come across as patronising as it sounded when I just read it back. I'm apologising now!
It did come over as patronising
I think I realised that hence my 2nd post. Thanks for pointing it out though, genuinely grateful for your contribution. "
I only responded to your second post and confirmed it, however the written word is sometimes not that easy to understand. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think dad's have a harder time than mum's with accepting their little girl has grown up"
I don't agree at all.
Why would 1 parent have a harder time than the other? |
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By *ltra72Man
over a year ago
edinburgh |
My 16 year old have her boyfriend stay throughout lockdown last year until they split up before Christmas. The thinking behind it was if you treat them like adults hopefully they behave like adults. I don’t think I’d be too keep with the next boyfriend though, was like a stranger in my own home |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My daughter was 17 when her 23 year old boyfriend stayed over (she's very emotionally mature for her age, and they're a perfect match). He lived a fair distance away at the time, so used to come and stay at weekends. He secured a job locally to us, and relocated about 6 months after they'd started to see each other. He came to stay with us for a month or so while he started his new job and found himself somewhere to live nearby - we wanted to support him while he made the transition.
Shes now 23, and he's 30 - they've been married for 2 years, and are blissfully happy together. They've told us numerous times how grateful they are that we supported them, and we all have a very close relationship.
I think it really depends on the young woman, and obviously who she wants to invite into her bed, as to whether someone staying over is deemed appropriate by the parents. I remember my feelings being very strong at that age, but my parents weren't supportive or understanding about my life choices. It didn't stop me doing what I wanted to, it just caused distance and resentment towards my parents.
Every situation is different, but a young person's opinion and feelings should always be validated and listened to, even if parents decide that what they're asking for isn't appropriate - they should at least be offered a reasoned explanation, out of respect and consideration for them.
V x"
Yes you need to treat them with respect and not say no without a discussion.
Also just remember that sex in the room next to your parents can be a turn off and not even happen. |
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My daughter is 4 almost and I’ve told her straight... no boys or girls and no kissy kissy.. haha but in all seriousness, I’d judge it by how responsible she is at the time and take it to account the age age I was when I asked the same question to my parents.... we were all their age once. (And just for confirmation.. I am still to ask my parents and I’m now 40) ???? |
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