FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Husbands can find it difficult to be rough enough for their wives.
Husbands can find it difficult to be rough enough for their wives.
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One common request from my MFM experiences is the wife wants me to be rough because her husband can't be hard enough during sex.
I'm talking about hard spanking to make her skin red, strongly pulling her hair right back, breast slapping, and really firm goldilocks choking when she's being fucked hard.
Is it that the husbands can't make themselves be too rough because it's their wife? Whereas they both really enjoy me being rough either watching it or having it done.
What's your experiences, I really enjoy playing with a lady that loves being spanked or having my hands around her neck. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
I would like to think its because the things you mentioned should be done properly to avoid potential harm.
It could also be because its not their thing. Not everyone has interests in carrying out those acts. |
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"I would like to think its because the things you mentioned should be done properly to avoid potential harm.
It could also be because its not their thing. Not everyone has interests in carrying out those acts."
Yes, I'm only taking about scenarios when it is their thing and the wife has asked for it but not from her husband because he isn't firm enough for what she wants. |
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"So 8s it the wifes that specifically ask you for this?"
Yes, very much so. I always have plenty of open communication with a couple before we ever meet to play so I know what they are looking for and what the boundaries are.
I'd say with about 70% the wife is requesting hair pulling, about 60% spanking, and about 20% the neck holding/pretend choking. Then with about 80-90% they both agree that the husband doesn't so it hard enough. |
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"I like the forceful rough situation as a treat, think it takes some men out their comfort zone  "
Yes I think that's absolutely correct, it was something I gradually got used to also, wasn't natural for me to be rough with a lady during sex but as I like to please it was a fun thing I've learnt to do to meet my partners needs when they want to be treated a bit rough. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I like the forceful rough situation as a treat, think it takes some men out their comfort zone
Yes I think that's absolutely correct, it was something I gradually got used to also, wasn't natural for me to be rough with a lady during sex but as I like to please it was a fun thing I've learnt to do to meet my partners needs when they want to be treated a bit rough."
Mind you, saying that I only like to play that way with my husband or else I'm out of my comfort zone. It's a trust thing that is built between two people. Ohhhh hope he reads this and "treats me soon"  |
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"I like the forceful rough situation as a treat, think it takes some men out their comfort zone
Yes I think that's absolutely correct, it was something I gradually got used to also, wasn't natural for me to be rough with a lady during sex but as I like to please it was a fun thing I've learnt to do to meet my partners needs when they want to be treated a bit rough.
Mind you, saying that I only like to play that way with my husband or else I'm out of my comfort zone. It's a trust thing that is built between two people. Ohhhh hope he reads this and "treats me soon" "
LOL, well I hope my thread on the subject works wonders for you then! 
You hit the nail on the head about trust being a major factor when it comes to rough play with a solo guy joining a couple. I have found this sort of sex play only grows with repeat meets and trust/comfort levels increasing. |
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By *irm4uMan
over a year ago
Fun Town |
Definitely not on early meets, but the implied rough play after getting to know her, is more than enough to get her juices flowing, just make sure you follow through, surprising how many ladies want the thought in their head but want to experience slowly and can say enough. |
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"Personally, I wouldn’t like that from a stranger I had just met. "
That's my experience too, but then I don't play on a first meet and generally am talking about couples that like to build a relationship for repeat meetings and exploration. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My husband found it a but uncomfortable being very rough with me. But now he's confident. I have had some meets where I've asked guys to get very rough with me I'm attracted to dominants and don't mind then roughing me up if I'm in the mood xx |
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By *rad670Man
over a year ago
South Lakes |
I can't do rough, even if it was consesual I would have to turn it down, not comfortable with it. Mybe firm or slightly aggressive but not rough so I can empathise with husbands who can't. I'm not sure I fully understand ladies who specifically like rough or being hurt. |
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By *1011Woman
over a year ago
Barnsley |
"I can't do rough, even if it was consesual I would have to turn it down, not comfortable with it. Mybe firm or slightly aggressive but not rough so I can empathise with husbands who can't. I'm not sure I fully understand ladies who specifically like rough or being hurt."
It's only a preference like anything else, not sure why it's difficult difficult understand that. I wouldn't engage in watersports but I understand why others do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can't do rough, even if it was consesual I would have to turn it down, not comfortable with it. Mybe firm or slightly aggressive but not rough so I can empathise with husbands who can't. I'm not sure I fully understand ladies who specifically like rough or being hurt."
I'm a sub, I actually enjoy the feelings of being used, fully controlled, and unable to stop him (within consensual limits). But I'm also a bit fighty, so he needs to use a firm hand so to speak to get what he wants. I do get why some guys get uncomfortable though, but I honestly do like it. I don't like paddles, whips, clamps etc. but I understand why others might given my own preferences. Xx |
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"I can't do rough, even if it was consesual I would have to turn it down, not comfortable with it. Mybe firm or slightly aggressive but not rough so I can empathise with husbands who can't. I'm not sure I fully understand ladies who specifically like rough or being hurt."
Possibly it's that difficulty to understand the rough-play fetish that is the limitation for some husbands and some men.
Personally, I'm not referring to what I would call pain/hurt, as that is yet another level of fetish beyond my preference, but my discussion was more on the level of playful-rough, stimulation from stuff like spanking where the lady wants to feel a good enough smack on the bum to sting for a few seconds (which is usually followed immediately by a soothing stroke before the next smack).
Hair pulling can be very simulating, even if you grad your own hair and pull it usually feels very good on the scalp so mix that with sexual penetration and some dirty talk then the scenario can be orgasmic.
I guess pain and hurt means very different things to different people. |
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When playing with a former partner on here I found it was her pushing her own limits of pain. We started off relatively slowly and on our first meet with me giving her a spanking(which by her account was the first'proper' one she'd had!). The more times we met the further she went and being the obliging sort I was more than happy to cater to her needs.
She's still on here as a single girl if you can find her but isn't meeting currently for obvious reasons? And there's no mention of her desire on her profile! |
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"I can't do rough, even if it was consesual I would have to turn it down, not comfortable with it. Mybe firm or slightly aggressive but not rough so I can empathise with husbands who can't. I'm not sure I fully understand ladies who specifically like rough or being hurt.
I'm a sub, I actually enjoy the feelings of being used, fully controlled, and unable to stop him (within consensual limits). But I'm also a bit fighty, so he needs to use a firm hand so to speak to get what he wants. I do get why some guys get uncomfortable though, but I honestly do like it. I don't like paddles, whips, clamps etc. but I understand why others might given my own preferences. Xx"
One action I discovered recently (well as recent as before lockdown) was using my hand to press her face into the bed (side on so not smothering and of course a nice soft bed) so being held in place while her legs were pushed apart and I was partly spanking her and partly fingering her.
She told me how much she loved that position afterwards as it made her feel so restricted and being used. Needless to say it only take a word from her and anything we do would stop if it wasn't working for her, but this one she REALLY enjoyed.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can't do rough, even if it was consesual I would have to turn it down, not comfortable with it. Mybe firm or slightly aggressive but not rough so I can empathise with husbands who can't. I'm not sure I fully understand ladies who specifically like rough or being hurt.
I'm a sub, I actually enjoy the feelings of being used, fully controlled, and unable to stop him (within consensual limits). But I'm also a bit fighty, so he needs to use a firm hand so to speak to get what he wants. I do get why some guys get uncomfortable though, but I honestly do like it. I don't like paddles, whips, clamps etc. but I understand why others might given my own preferences. Xx"
Ditto, mutual consent / good communication being key. Easy to understand why hubbies wouldn’t want to treat their wifey like a dirty slut. Is what gurls like me are for who enjoy being used hard, being given a good spanking, skull-fucking and arsehole pummelled. Used hard like a cheap SLUT.  |
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"When playing with a former partner on here I found it was her pushing her own limits of pain. We started off relatively slowly and on our first meet with me giving her a spanking(which by her account was the first'proper' one she'd had!). The more times we met the further she went and being the obliging sort I was more than happy to cater to her needs.
She's still on here as a single girl if you can find her but isn't meeting currently for obvious reasons? And there's no mention of her desire on her profile!"
They always say the quiet ones can be the most kinky!! I have a similar expanding and exploring situation with a hotwife meeting fairly regularly who loves to push her boundaries. They as a couple also like me to meet her on her own and then she can be even more adventurous. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can't do rough, even if it was consesual I would have to turn it down, not comfortable with it. Mybe firm or slightly aggressive but not rough so I can empathise with husbands who can't. I'm not sure I fully understand ladies who specifically like rough or being hurt.
I'm a sub, I actually enjoy the feelings of being used, fully controlled, and unable to stop him (within consensual limits). But I'm also a bit fighty, so he needs to use a firm hand so to speak to get what he wants. I do get why some guys get uncomfortable though, but I honestly do like it. I don't like paddles, whips, clamps etc. but I understand why others might given my own preferences. Xx
Ditto, mutual consent / good communication being key. Easy to understand why hubbies wouldn’t want to treat their wifey like a dirty slut. Is what gurls like me are for who enjoy being used hard, being given a good spanking, skull-fucking and arsehole pummelled. Used hard like a cheap SLUT. "
I'd depends on my mood. I wouldn't want sex like this all the time, from my husband or anyone else. But when the mood takes me I like to play the cheap slut too, if you make me including by my husband xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Mine husband is usually too laid back with me, but from reading his verifications/what he tells me about his solo meets, I know that he's good at talking dirty during sex, spanking, nipple pinching, etc. So yeah, I'd say some men do find it hard to be more dominant with their own partner. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
My wife really likes it , she knew I got the kink from fab though and said I should have done this years ago !  But yeah, as a younger more sexually naive person I would have thought it a bit disrespectful to do that to your partner |
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Find it incredible making a statement like this. It suggests that there's no experience or communication within a marriage. After decades together a couple ought to know and understand what they want from each other sexually. If Mrs wants harder, rougher then she's vocal enough to ask for an escalation or more directly verbalise what she wants.
Swinging is great but no way would Mrs welcome a stranger performing anything you have described without requesting it and this would never happen on a first meeting or second and if it did eventually happen it would only happen in the latter part of any meeting following Mrs suggesting it. It would never be part of any pre discussion.
Clearly everyone has different boundaries. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well miss hoolie loves rough sex. Archie does his best. One thing is a massive turn off for him in miss hoolie in pain. He once pulled her hair a bit rough and hurt her neck now he can't pull her hair anymore. Miss hoolie is his love and her being in any pain psyically or mentally bring archie right down. So its not that husbands can't be rough is that they really worry about hurting the one they love |
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Big topic Op. Fab is probably not best forum to consider this. One of the more challenging aspects of consensual play to involve other parties in. Trust and being *dam* sure you have got it clear. Knowing the difference between exerting control/dominance and actual damage. Throttling is way too risky, and recent legal changes make it questionable as to if consent can actually be given.
Symbolic/ritualised rough play is probably safer with a third.
Would a partner be softer? One would hope so. Not sure it is through weakness though, because rough play moves into mind-fuck territory for many people. It's also hard to see how a stranger can give you the aftercare and help you avoid a crash.  |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
There are men who cannot be rough with the mother of their children or with their princess on the pedestal.
It is all about framed modalities of the mind.
Equally, there are ladies (from my experience) that wouldn’t want this type of play with their husband, a type of domestic freedom.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Personally, I wouldn’t like that from a stranger I had just met. "
Personally, I wouldn't like to do that to a stranger I've just met.. 
But I do enjoy the sort of consensual power exchange that OP referred to. But 1-1. |
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I'd say in my experience it is the opposite. Hubby knows me well enough to know how rough I like it where as on meets the guys haven't always been rough enough. I don't see that as a bad thing as it shows respect that they don't want to push me too far x |
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By *rad670Man
over a year ago
South Lakes |
It has become a very enlightening thread thanks to all who took time to quote my comments and explain, I kind of get most of it now and understand rough is not abusive nor is any levl of rough as long as it's consensual and discussed, just shows how sharing different perspectives can be educational. |
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"Well miss hoolie loves rough sex. Archie does his best. One thing is a massive turn off for him in miss hoolie in pain. He once pulled her hair a bit rough and hurt her neck now he can't pull her hair anymore. Miss hoolie is his love and her being in any pain psyically or mentally bring archie right down. So its not that husbands can't be rough is that they really worry about hurting the one they love "
Absolutely |
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"There are men who cannot be rough with the mother of their children or with their princess on the pedestal.
It is all about framed modalities of the mind.
Equally, there are ladies (from my experience) that wouldn’t want this type of play with their husband, a type of domestic freedom.
"
Thank you, that’s a very helpful perspective |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I like the forceful rough situation as a treat, think it takes some men out their comfort zone
Yes I think that's absolutely correct, it was something I gradually got used to also, wasn't natural for me to be rough with a lady during sex but as I like to please it was a fun thing I've learnt to do to meet my partners needs when they want to be treated a bit rough.
Mind you, saying that I only like to play that way with my husband or else I'm out of my comfort zone. It's a trust thing that is built between two people. Ohhhh hope he reads this and "treats me soon" "
Treat on it's way |
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"Find it incredible making a statement like this. It suggests that there's no experience or communication within a marriage. After decades together a couple ought to know and understand what they want from each other sexually. If Mrs wants harder, rougher then she's vocal enough to ask for an escalation or more directly verbalise what she wants.
Swinging is great but no way would Mrs welcome a stranger performing anything you have described without requesting it and this would never happen on a first meeting or second and if it did eventually happen it would only happen in the latter part of any meeting following Mrs suggesting it. It would never be part of any pre discussion.
Clearly everyone has different boundaries."
No it's not from a lack of verbalisation or communication in fact quite the opposite. I'm talking about couples who have spent great depth talking about her desires and the conclusion being that the husband doesn't feel comfortable being that level of rough-play with his own wife.
Now as we've read from the different postings to this thread some husbands have no problem increasing the roughness on request, some women wouldn't like a second guy being rough with them on a first play or indeed on any repeat play, but some husbands prefer not to be as rough as their wife would prefer, and even some wives would prefer their husbands don't provide the rougher sex anyway.
As we frequently and understandably find from nearly all aspects of sex and the swing scene there are plenty of different sub-groups with common interests and outlooks, and a lid for every pot.  xx |
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