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If you're looking for a skinny type...
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By *.D.I.D.A.S OP Man
over a year ago
London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact |
Why do so many profiles contain the advice 'if you're looking for a skinny type, best move on as I'm not going to be what you're looking for'?
Surely we can see and judge for ourselves. People don't really say 'if you're looking for a big arse, move along' or 'if you are looking for a tall bloke/hairy type/banterless male/steroid enhanced type... Move along'
Are so many that insecure that they feel they need to pre-empt any forthcoming reaction? |
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By *arbellsWoman
over a year ago
Cambridge |
"Why do so many profiles contain the advice 'if you're looking for a skinny type, best move on as I'm not going to be what you're looking for'?
Surely we can see and judge for ourselves. People don't really say 'if you're looking for a big arse, move along' or 'if you are looking for a tall bloke/hairy type/banterless male/steroid enhanced type... Move along'
Are so many that insecure that they feel they need to pre-empt any forthcoming reaction? "
Yes. I think it comes from experience or being rejected because you don't the body type they thought so saves hassle. I used to do it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why do so many profiles contain the advice 'if you're looking for a skinny type, best move on as I'm not going to be what you're looking for'?
Surely we can see and judge for ourselves. People don't really say 'if you're looking for a big arse, move along' or 'if you are looking for a tall bloke/hairy type/banterless male/steroid enhanced type... Move along'
Are so many that insecure that they feel they need to pre-empt any forthcoming reaction? "
The reality is that many women do get unwarranted abuse thrown at them mostly by men over their size/body type. They don't even have to be rejected by them sometimes, someone might just be in a particularly nasty, vindictive mood.
Suggesting it is the women who are insecure in this scenario is woefully inaccurate, it's the men. |
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Well when I get messages about my size I thing they think I’m toned when I’m not. What’s wrong with being honest that I’m not and have wobbly bits. If they read that and are not interested then it saves time them messaging. I can’t see the problem here |
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Bizarrely, I (Mrs KC) am yet to have abuse about my size. It's usually about my disability. I think my shape/size is clear from the pics.....
PS: Please no-one dent my faith in humanity by sending a stupid size related message! I'm well aware of my size  |
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I have a warning on my profile that I'm very fat so if that's not your thing then I'm not for you.
I do get guys messaging me "oh you don't look that fat", but I'm hardly going to post photos where I look like the back end of a bus!
I just prefer to get the deal breakers on the table as early as possible, that way nobody is wasting their time messaging me thinking I'm some zaftig nigella-esque beauty then calling catfish when I turn out to be my wanton lardarse self. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have a warning on my profile that I'm very fat so if that's not your thing then I'm not for you.
I do get guys messaging me "oh you don't look that fat", but I'm hardly going to post photos where I look like the back end of a bus!
I just prefer to get the deal breakers on the table as early as possible, that way nobody is wasting their time messaging me thinking I'm some zaftig nigella-esque beauty then calling catfish when I turn out to be my wanton lardarse self."
Men can be fat. Woman can be only big. |
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It should be pretty obvious from my profile pic that I’m not a size 12. You’d be amazed at the amount of guys who are surprised by it 
And then you’ve got the ones who feel that their surprise is a reason to be nasty
There is a reason so many have comments like that, and it’s not their insecurity. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's these profiles with warnings of size I like the most. If you're looking for a bbw or any woman size 16 and over you don't need to check whether she's listed average/chubby/fabulous you're already rather happy about being prewarned of what you'll enjoy |
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"Well when I get messages about my size I thing they think I’m toned when I’m not. What’s wrong with being honest that I’m not and have wobbly bits. If they read that and are not interested then it saves time them messaging. I can’t see the problem here "
Your body is absolute female perfection in my view  |
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Most of the things women say in their profiles are the result of their previous Fab experiences.
Being called fat and ugly the moment we say 'no thank you', is a frequent occurrence. We can take control of this unfortunate male behaviour by forewarning people.
Suggesting the women who do this must be insecure is a bit shitty. |
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"Most of the things women say in their profiles are the result of their previous Fab experiences.
Being called fat and ugly the moment we say 'no thank you', is a frequent occurrence. We can take control of this unfortunate male behaviour by forewarning people.
Suggesting the women who do this must be insecure is a bit shitty."
Agreed  |
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"Well when I get messages about my size I thing they think I’m toned when I’m not. What’s wrong with being honest that I’m not and have wobbly bits. If they read that and are not interested then it saves time them messaging. I can’t see the problem here
Your body is absolute female perfection in my view "
Hardly.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think many guys message a hi then when rejected they start attacking the persons looks, body shape, etc due to their fragile egos.
Also if you have repeatedly had to tell people the same thing, then it saves time to just have it on your profile. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well when I get messages about my size I thing they think I’m toned when I’m not. What’s wrong with being honest that I’m not and have wobbly bits. If they read that and are not interested then it saves time them messaging. I can’t see the problem here "
You look amazing! |
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"Well when I get messages about my size I thing they think I’m toned when I’m not. What’s wrong with being honest that I’m not and have wobbly bits. If they read that and are not interested then it saves time them messaging. I can’t see the problem here
You look amazing!"
Thank you, but the wobbles are there |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Most of the things women say in their profiles are the result of their previous Fab experiences.
Being called fat and ugly the moment we say 'no thank you', is a frequent occurrence. We can take control of this unfortunate male behaviour by forewarning people.
Suggesting the women who do this must be insecure is a bit shitty."
This. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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surely people can write whatever they like on their own profiles? suggesting people who write 'prewarnings' are insecure, is a really crappy thing to say.
personally, i know i can take a cracking picture.. one that i feel good about and hides my insecurities.
when it comes to meetings, that isn't the case. so what if i want to preempt a meet and remind people im not a gorgeous thin person with perky boobs, lush skin and a pert booty?
some people can't see past the pictures, or the fantasy they induce.
live and let live. |
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I have a similar statement on our profile, it isn't out of insecurity, just honesty & because I know that these things matter to some people more than others so I'd rather tell them in advance & let them make an informed decision.
K |
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"Bizarrely, I (Mrs KC) am yet to have abuse about my size. It's usually about my disability. I think my shape/size is clear from the pics.....
PS: Please no-one dent my faith in humanity by sending a stupid size related message! I'm well aware of my size "
You get abuse about your disability?
Well that is beyond shit, I'm sorry you have to put up with that. I'm not sure what good it does, but please report it. |
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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago
Chippenham Malmesbury area |
As it's always being pointed out,all us Fab folk are free to put whatever (within the site rules) we want on our profiles, even if some of it is nugatory.
As I'm neither black or well-endowed, I could put "if you're looking for BBC, then move on" but as my profile picture clear shows that I don't meet one of those requirements, it would be a pointless statement. |
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"Bizarrely, I (Mrs KC) am yet to have abuse about my size. It's usually about my disability. I think my shape/size is clear from the pics.....
PS: Please no-one dent my faith in humanity by sending a stupid size related message! I'm well aware of my size
You get abuse about your disability?
Well that is beyond shit, I'm sorry you have to put up with that. I'm not sure what good it does, but please report it."
Oh yes, we do sometimes. Most often aimed at Mr KC for fucking disabled birds, or similar wording. We obviously report but the last time, the individual remained on the forums. Also a lot of people suddenly stop chatting if they realise I'm disabled (even social chit-chat). It's a good filter... |
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"It sounds kinda defiant and almost confrontational.
It makes me think they're not very warm or friendly
Insecurity and jealousy.
Negative. "
Think that attitude says more about the reader than the writer myself.
There have been lots of good explanations as to why some women write this on their profile yet here they are being accused of being insecure, defient, confrontational, jealous (  ), negative, unfriendly and not very warm.
How about they are just reacting to shitty messages from those who don't like fat women? That's where the negative, insecure, unfriendly, confrontational, jealous, attitudes are. (mostly) guys who are frustrated they can't get their dick wet and blame that fatties. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It sounds kinda defiant and almost confrontational.
It makes me think they're not very warm or friendly
Insecurity and jealousy.
Negative.
Think that attitude says more about the reader than the writer myself.
There have been lots of good explanations as to why some women write this on their profile yet here they are being accused of being insecure, defient, confrontational, jealous ( ), negative, unfriendly and not very warm.
How about they are just reacting to shitty messages from those who don't like fat women? That's where the negative, insecure, unfriendly, confrontational, jealous, attitudes are. (mostly) guys who are frustrated they can't get their dick wet and blame that fatties. "
It wasn't an accusation, just a thought |
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"It sounds kinda defiant and almost confrontational.
It makes me think they're not very warm or friendly
Insecurity and jealousy.
Negative. "
Mine isn't about jealousy and isn't about insecurity, it's more about being up front so I'm not wasting time talking to someone who patently wouldn't be interested in me if we met at a social or in a club. Why waste my time or theirs with something that will never go anywhere?
I get enough interest from guys who like me, I don't need to toy with the guys who won't.
If my profile reads as confrontational then so be it - I'm not a quiet and retiring type so it's probably a good filter for guys who may not share my sense of humour!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've always stated my dress size on my profile, but we all now how few people actually read those. I was once exchanging saucy live pics with a man and he said "what size are you, 12?" I responded with a laughter emoji and my actual size (18-20). He promptly vanished, never to be heard from again. |
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"Well when I get messages about my size I thing they think I’m toned when I’m not. What’s wrong with being honest that I’m not and have wobbly bits. If they read that and are not interested then it saves time them messaging. I can’t see the problem here
Your body is absolute female perfection in my view
Hardly. "
I did say in my view |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Their profile their choice surely?
I’ve seen all sorts “If you’re looking for a young model, I’m not the woman for you” “If you’re looking for an Adonis with a 6 pack and an 8 inch cock I’m not the guy for you”.
I don’t see the issue. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I also don’t think it’s insecurity. Quite the opposite in fact since the individual clearly accepts they’re not X and is making sure whoever is reading and is interested knows that too.
Good on them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"“If you’re looking for an Adonis with a 6 pack and an 8 inch cock I’m not the guy for you”.
"
When my profile is fully open I have something similar to this as part of the text.
It's just information for people to use as a filter as I may or may not meet their requirements if this is important to them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"“If you’re looking for an Adonis with a 6 pack and an 8 inch cock I’m not the guy for you”.
When my profile is fully open I have something similar to this as part of the text.
It's just information for people to use as a filter as I may or may not meet their requirements if this is important to them "
Exactly. It doesn’t mean you’re insecure, what a silly thing to say. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Mine says "if you are not into the chubb, im not for you"
This is because I don't think people actually do grasp my size.
I wear alot of corsets and I am 5ft 10, so don't exactly look like a size 18....from the front.
Sideways or from behind, that booty is there and it is big |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have a warning on my profile that I'm very fat so if that's not your thing then I'm not for you.
I do get guys messaging me "oh you don't look that fat", but I'm hardly going to post photos where I look like the back end of a bus!
I just prefer to get the deal breakers on the table as early as possible, that way nobody is wasting their time messaging me thinking I'm some zaftig nigella-esque beauty then calling catfish when I turn out to be my wanton lardarse self."
Couldn't have said it better  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m guessing they have had a fair amount of messages or meets that didn’t realise how big they were so it cuts out any of the crap.
Although if they have pictures on their profiles they don’t really need to put it.
I wouldn’t put on my profile ‘if you are looking for bbw then pass me by’ as it’s very clear I’m not even close to that from my pictures.
Aslong as everyone’s happy it doesn’t really matter. |
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By *.D.I.D.A.S OP Man
over a year ago
London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact |
"As it's always being pointed out,all us Fab folk are free to put whatever (within the site rules) we want on our profiles, even if some of it is nugatory.
As I'm neither black or well-endowed, I could put "if you're looking for BBC, then move on" but as my profile picture clear shows that I don't meet one of those requirements, it would be a pointless statement."
OK, well as this post mentions, why do we not see other types of forewarning so often, especially from male profiles? I think it is the phrasing which is most interesting. One could say I am curvy or I am looking for someone who appreciates my shape or any other similarly positive framing. Telling someone to move along seems rather defensive. This is a response to the prevalent judgement or abuse experienced by certain females I take it? People are free to post what they like on their profile. It belongs to them after all. I'm just exploring the psychology behind it and the impact of it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Most of the things women say in their profiles are the result of their previous Fab experiences.
Being called fat and ugly the moment we say 'no thank you', is a frequent occurrence. We can take control of this unfortunate male behaviour by forewarning people.
Suggesting the women who do this must be insecure is a bit shitty."
This |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As it's always being pointed out,all us Fab folk are free to put whatever (within the site rules) we want on our profiles, even if some of it is nugatory.
As I'm neither black or well-endowed, I could put "if you're looking for BBC, then move on" but as my profile picture clear shows that I don't meet one of those requirements, it would be a pointless statement.
OK, well as this post mentions, why do we not see other types of forewarning so often, especially from male profiles? I think it is the phrasing which is most interesting. One could say I am curvy or I am looking for someone who appreciates my shape or any other similarly positive framing. Telling someone to move along seems rather defensive. This is a response to the prevalent judgement or abuse experienced by certain females I take it? People are free to post what they like on their profile. It belongs to them after all. I'm just exploring the psychology behind it and the impact of it. "
Why don’t you ask the women who have this on their profiles? That way you can truly explore the psychology behind it as you’ll get an answer hopefully rather than assuming it’s down to insecurity.
I don’t see what’s defensive about being honest in your profile and stating “If you’re after X you won’t find it here” or similar. |
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"As it's always being pointed out,all us Fab folk are free to put whatever (within the site rules) we want on our profiles, even if some of it is nugatory.
As I'm neither black or well-endowed, I could put "if you're looking for BBC, then move on" but as my profile picture clear shows that I don't meet one of those requirements, it would be a pointless statement.
OK, well as this post mentions, why do we not see other types of forewarning so often, especially from male profiles? I think it is the phrasing which is most interesting. One could say I am curvy or I am looking for someone who appreciates my shape or any other similarly positive framing. Telling someone to move along seems rather defensive. This is a response to the prevalent judgement or abuse experienced by certain females I take it? People are free to post what they like on their profile. It belongs to them after all. I'm just exploring the psychology behind it and the impact of it. "
For me it's because any of the euphemisms are open to interpretation. One man's glorious rubenesque is another's unthinkable lardarse.
You're saying I should reframe to say I'm curvy. Let me ask you, what does curvy mean? Is a size 14 with a glorious hourglass curvy? Is a size 20 with a Kim Kardashian booty curvy? Is a size 26 with a big squishy belly curvy? I say I'm curvy and someone is expecting a 14, they aren't necessarily going to find me to their taste, and that's completely fine. Why not get that on the table up front?
Maybe if we relied less on euphemism (what the hell does body size fabulous mean?) then disclaimers wouldn't be needed, but for as long as I'm expecting people to judge me by my profile that profile will be as absolutely explicit about deal breakers as I can make it, and size is a deal breaker for many. If you aren't into fat girls you really aren't going to be into me. I've no issues with any of that. |
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By *.D.I.D.A.S OP Man
over a year ago
London/Essex... ish... Romford to be exact |
"As it's always being pointed out,all us Fab folk are free to put whatever (within the site rules) we want on our profiles, even if some of it is nugatory.
As I'm neither black or well-endowed, I could put "if you're looking for BBC, then move on" but as my profile picture clear shows that I don't meet one of those requirements, it would be a pointless statement.
OK, well as this post mentions, why do we not see other types of forewarning so often, especially from male profiles? I think it is the phrasing which is most interesting. One could say I am curvy or I am looking for someone who appreciates my shape or any other similarly positive framing. Telling someone to move along seems rather defensive. This is a response to the prevalent judgement or abuse experienced by certain females I take it? People are free to post what they like on their profile. It belongs to them after all. I'm just exploring the psychology behind it and the impact of it.
Why don’t you ask the women who have this on their profiles? That way you can truly explore the psychology behind it as you’ll get an answer hopefully rather than assuming it’s down to insecurity.
I don’t see what’s defensive about being honest in your profile and stating “If you’re after X you won’t find it here” or similar. "
It's the subtleties of the rhetoric adopted and opposing framing chosen as I said. Most people may not pick up on it. I just thought it was interesting. This is a forum thread for those people or any people to give their honest answer to the discussion. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As it's always being pointed out,all us Fab folk are free to put whatever (within the site rules) we want on our profiles, even if some of it is nugatory.
As I'm neither black or well-endowed, I could put "if you're looking for BBC, then move on" but as my profile picture clear shows that I don't meet one of those requirements, it would be a pointless statement.
OK, well as this post mentions, why do we not see other types of forewarning so often, especially from male profiles? I think it is the phrasing which is most interesting. One could say I am curvy or I am looking for someone who appreciates my shape or any other similarly positive framing. Telling someone to move along seems rather defensive. This is a response to the prevalent judgement or abuse experienced by certain females I take it? People are free to post what they like on their profile. It belongs to them after all. I'm just exploring the psychology behind it and the impact of it. "
It's the negativity that makes me think they are being defensive and insecure.
There are positive ways of wording such things. The subtlety of this seems to fly over many people's defensive, insecure heads.
Like attracts like. Ranting and being arsey in profile text attracts similar types. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As it's always being pointed out,all us Fab folk are free to put whatever (within the site rules) we want on our profiles, even if some of it is nugatory.
As I'm neither black or well-endowed, I could put "if you're looking for BBC, then move on" but as my profile picture clear shows that I don't meet one of those requirements, it would be a pointless statement.
OK, well as this post mentions, why do we not see other types of forewarning so often, especially from male profiles? I think it is the phrasing which is most interesting. One could say I am curvy or I am looking for someone who appreciates my shape or any other similarly positive framing. Telling someone to move along seems rather defensive. This is a response to the prevalent judgement or abuse experienced by certain females I take it? People are free to post what they like on their profile. It belongs to them after all. I'm just exploring the psychology behind it and the impact of it.
Why don’t you ask the women who have this on their profiles? That way you can truly explore the psychology behind it as you’ll get an answer hopefully rather than assuming it’s down to insecurity.
I don’t see what’s defensive about being honest in your profile and stating “If you’re after X you won’t find it here” or similar.
It's the subtleties of the rhetoric adopted and opposing framing chosen as I said. Most people may not pick up on it. I just thought it was interesting. This is a forum thread for those people or any people to give their honest answer to the discussion. "
Yeah it seems most who have replied don’t see it the way you do.
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