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Swinging or polyamory?
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With lots of kink in the mix! | |||
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"Swinging. I don't want any sort of relationship." If that's what suits you who is to argue Sally. I prefer a swinging relationship with a long term lover which I'm happy to say seems to be working for me up to now. Best wishes M | |||
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Her x | |||
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"I don’t think I’m into polyamory. I do have multiple relationships at the moment, but I’m not actually in love with anyone. From experience, when I am in love, I change and then it’s just about sex. I only want one deep emotional attachment. V x " That's understandable x | |||
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"Swinging is just fine for us we're not into polygamy we love each other very much and enjoy the excitement and fun that swinging brings but don't want a full on relationship with others " Our thoughts exactly. 
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"Poly and casual sex mostly xx" Anytime | |||
"I don’t think I’m into polyamory. I do have multiple relationships at the moment, but I’m not actually in love with anyone. From experience, when I am in love, I change and then it’s just about sex. I only want one deep emotional attachment. V x " We would love to have you in our bed | |||
"Swinging is just fine for us we're not into polygamy we love each other very much and enjoy the excitement and fun that swinging brings but don't want a full on relationship with others " This, besides my kids are screwed up enough | |||
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"Both have their merits " | |||
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"Both, neither, all over the damn place, whatever. Every connection is unique in its shape, feel and structure. To outsiders, it can look like anything from A Proper Relationship™ to aggressive casual sex with someone I see once every six months. Whatever works best for that particular person (or pile of people). " Good insight | |||
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"Both. Sometimes swinging is a bit too casual. Don’t get me wrong I love a bit of casual sex, but that connection with people you love is awesome. " | |||
"Both. I'm open to casual fun though I do find myself much more involved with the poly community these days. " I know exactly how you feel | |||
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"we'd like to be more part of the poly scene.. C needs an alpha boyfriend d" | |||
"we'd like to be more part of the poly scene.. C needs an alpha boyfriend d" Pm me! | |||
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"Hopefully a slight mix of both for us regular meets with 2 or 3 single guys without the emotional ties...." Poly means emotional ties, though. | |||
"Hopefully a slight mix of both for us regular meets with 2 or 3 single guys without the emotional ties.... Poly means emotional ties, though." Some like that | |||
"Hopefully a slight mix of both for us regular meets with 2 or 3 single guys without the emotional ties.... Poly means emotional ties, though. Some like that " Indeed. I'm one of them. The poster was referring to a mix of poly and swinging, but then defining that as regular guys without emotional connection. That's not polyamory. It is swinging. | |||
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"Is there an in between option? I prefer to build long term friendships with the men I enjoy sex with, which inevitably means I grow fond of them, but I only have love for my husband. V x" That sounds like friends with benefits, perhaps? Which for many would fall between swinging and polyamory. Poly specifically means multiple, emotionally intimate relationships. I would say that I do mix poly and swinging because I do both. I have several committed relationships and I also enjoy casual fun without that connection sometimes. | |||
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"I think people over think this at times. I have heard people say poly is relationships and swinging is just sex. But the truth of the matter is that the two blur quite a bit for some people. I have seen swingers develop feelings for the people they fuck and those feelings leading to relationships. Not dating relationships but still a relationship. I'm poly by nature and outlook. But swinging is fun too" Thanks for sharing | |||
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"Poly with the right man but hard to find. " | |||
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"I'm terrible at relationships at the best of times so poly wouldn't work for me. But I like the idea of having a regular group of swinging pals because I find that you have better sex when you're familiar with people's likes and quirks. " sex is definitely a better enhanced experience when you are familiar with peoples's likes etc | |||
"I'd consider myself poly and would be open to that, mostly a swinger currently
With lots of kink in the mix!" | |||
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"Swinging has some real advantages. Interestingly, I met a couple years back for a long weekend of fun and passion. However on the Sunday morning, the wife's poly lover turns up expecting to play with his wife. He was rather upset that I was busy with his married lover. I suspect he thought that his arrangement was more exclusive.... Great weekend!" I bet you were grinning | |||
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"For now swinging, but I wouldn't want a monogamous relationship again so any relationship from now on would be on a poly basis x" | |||
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"Both, neither, all over the damn place, whatever. Every connection is unique in its shape, feel and structure. To outsiders, it can look like anything from A Proper Relationship™ to aggressive casual sex with someone I see once every six months. Whatever works best for that particular person (or pile of people). Good insight " No great philosphical motivation behind all this. It's just what's worked for me personally these last nineteen years. | |||
"There's no way I could ever be in a relationship where monogamy was expected of any partner. Looking back at my life, I've never dated any monogamous women and I assume everyone I've played with was in some way non-monogamous " | |||
"I think people over think this at times. I have heard people say poly is relationships and swinging is just sex. But the truth of the matter is that the two blur quite a bit for some people. I have seen swingers develop feelings for the people they fuck and those feelings leading to relationships. Not dating relationships but still a relationship. I'm poly by nature and outlook. But swinging is fun too" Thanks for sharing | |||
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"C would love a date soon d x" Shame I am outside her age limit lol | |||
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"C would love a date soon d x Shame I am outside her age limit lol " it's not set in stone but has to be exceptional as hopefully looking for some kind of poly as well as casual... she has always been with older guys lol like me but is particularly interested in guys her own age.. but all about the person d | |||
"C would love a date soon d x Shame I am outside her age limit lol it's not set in stone but has to be exceptional as hopefully looking for some kind of poly as well as casual... she has always been with older guys lol like me but is particularly interested in guys her own age.. but all about the person d" There is hope then | |||
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"out of interest. why did you start this thread. is your interest in poly? d" I am interested yes. I want to understand it more and hear from people. Are you? | |||
"out of interest. why did you start this thread. is your interest in poly? d" I am interested yes. I want to understand it more and hear from people. Are you? Message me if you want to chat! | |||
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"Did you know that polyamory is not a legal status " Is this apply only if you are married legally? I think here , it means being involved withchosen different partners. | |||
"Did you know that polyamory is not a legal status " Well it's not illegal. So you probably need to be a bit clearer with what you are getting at. I am assuming in respect to tax, inheritance and other aspects of partnering up? | |||
"Did you know that polyamory is not a legal status Well it's not illegal. So you probably need to be a bit clearer with what you are getting at. I am assuming in respect to tax, inheritance and other aspects of partnering up?" | |||
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"In terms of "legal status", this is something I have looked into in some depth. Polyamorous relationships aren't in any way illegal in the UK. Which is the good news. You can choose to have unofficial "marriage" ceremonies with your partners if you like, and a few churches even bless these. Look up Mary Crumpton as one example. I am another, I have a legal wife of 23 years and I was handfasted almost 3 years ago to another wife who the state has no knowledge of. She has a legal husband of 16 years. Other than the legal paperwork, we're husband and wife in how we view ourselves and how our friends view us. Several equalities ministers have answered questions I've posed regarding rights for poly folk. The answers vary but the one constant is that polyamory is not a "protected characteristic". So unlike race, being LGBT+, disabled and so on, in theory someone *could* be sacked for being polyamorous. However the equalities minster in 2019 felt that existing employment law should be sufficient, and that there was absolutely no intention on the part of the government or the legal system to discriminate against polyamorous people. But in 2018 the then equalities minster felt we didn't need protection "as there is no evidence of discrimination". Poly families (eg where three or more adults choose to live together) generally have no troubles getting mortgages. Some solicitors advice setting up a limited company, which can help with wills, inheritance etc. While it is perfectly lawful for me to be handfasted to the wife I don't live with, it would be illegal if we'd tried to have a wedding with the registrar and so on. But what we did was organise our own ceremony in a beautiful park, officiated by a Pagan priestess, attended by about 25 friends/family. We then had a reception in a pub joined by a couple more people who couldn't make the ceremony. As near a wedding as you like, and all perfectly legal. There are bigger problems if a polycule or triad/quad want to rent a property. As an unintended consequence of the "homes of multiple occupancy" laws, renting where there are more than two adults who are not family is difficult. Landlords don't want to fall foul of these laws even if four adults all with good salaries want to rent a two bedroom house. This has been a problem to people that I personally know, spending a year before eventually finding a landlord who would take them on. Another problem from not being protected legally can be holiday lets. A "polycule" wanted to rent a holiday property for a week, with people coming over from the USA and Canada to join partners/connections in the UK. The number of adults was perfectly within the occupancy of the holiday property but by googling the name of the person making the booking the owner found out that they are polyamorous and cancelled just two weeks before the holiday was due..."We don't want *that* kind of family". So...we're not breaking any laws but must sometimes be careful. Because of the theoretical possibility of being sacked, many of us are not "out" at work. However, if you mention being poly on your CV before you're hired...you're safe because your employer knew at the time of hiring. One *major* UK employer is now introducing polyamory to diversity training and specifically creating an environment where poly employees feel comfortable to be "out" if they wish. So things may well change. I'm fairly "out". Friends know, before covid I was often seen with one or both wives and co-husband at the local music club. And we don't hide it...we hold hands, touch, kiss and so on. I am not out at work, though I have had assurance from the top brass that they'd support me. Work is a school and it only needs parents to get wind and decide "We don't want our children around that strange man" and they're left with little choice. I think there is currently just one teacher in the UK who is openly polyamorous, and they were advised to remain closeted by their union. So...a mixed bag but it's perfectly possible to live quite openly in the UK. In normal times I'd be organising two poly socials in London every month attracting up to 70 people. The pub and coffee shop where we held these were all aware and supportive. We do an annual one day conference in a community centre, where the council and staff are similarly aware of the nature of the conference. We've had up to 265 people attend with zero legal ramifications. " TYhank you for this. very thorough indeed! | |||
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"I don't think I can name the major employer who is being very poly-friendly ...but my co-husband works for them. And if I did mention their name, I am certain everyone would have heard of them and 90% will at some point have dealt with them. Thinking about hiring holiday homes, and indeed organised pub/coffee meetings I've found that it's best to talk with a manager openly. That way if they're uncomfortable they have the chance to say so rather than discover later. The issue with the holiday let came about because the owner sussed out what was happening, decided they didn't like it and cancelled with little notice. My friends did get their deposit back but even that was in doubt. I know people who have held pub meets for swingers socials, munches and so on without telling the pub exactly what they were up to...and that doesn't go down well. So when choosing new venues I'm always quite up front. After all, we do talk about polyamory at these things! I will almost certainly have to choose a new pub venue when we begin to hold the meets again. We were using a Wetherspoons of all places...cheap, cheerful, located near tube/rail/bus and the management were truly lovely. But with all the political guff going on with Mr Martin and 'spoons I suspect many of my members wouldn't want to set foot in there again. But it serves as an example of how somewhere very popular and ordinary can be open to poly folk. We had some great poly cofeee meets at a Starbucks until their corporate HQ dictated that the local manager (who was poly curious himself) could not reserve a space for us. We then had one bad experience at a Pret where we were told not to come back because we "hug too much". Which is literally all we do in the coffee shop, other than talk about ethical non-monogamy....which is probably the real reason we were asked not to come back. " | |||
"Did you know that polyamory is not a legal status Is this apply only if you are married legally? I think here , it means being involved withchosen different partners. " | |||
"Did you know that polyamory is not a legal status Well it's not illegal. So you probably need to be a bit clearer with what you are getting at. I am assuming in respect to tax, inheritance and other aspects of partnering up? "Yeah. Guess I was. It was interesting that it isn't. Considering that in same sex partnerships are fine . Not that I'm comparing there Maybe with something that's not class as normal .. don't bite me | |||
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"Somewhere between the two but probably leaning further towards poly for me. I like the regularity and getting to know someone deeper yet also know that you can't get everything you want in one person so happy for both them and me to have other people in their lives." That's my view too x | |||
"Somewhere between the two but probably leaning further towards poly for me. I like the regularity and getting to know someone deeper yet also know that you can't get everything you want in one person so happy for both them and me to have other people in their lives. That's my view too x" Got to agree their although id probably need a main relationship to anker around but happy for us both to have other more casual relationships | |||
"Somewhere between the two but probably leaning further towards poly for me. I like the regularity and getting to know someone deeper yet also know that you can't get everything you want in one person so happy for both them and me to have other people in their lives. That's my view too x Got to agree their although id probably need a main relationship to anker around but happy for us both to have other more casual relationships " | |||
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"I don’t think I’m into polyamory. I do have multiple relationships at the moment, but I’m not actually in love with anyone. From experience, when I am in love, I change and then it’s just about sex. I only want one deep emotional attachment. V x " There doesn't seem to be a word that describes this. I too have multiple relationships and would worry if i fell in love with any of them. I am very fond of the two more established ones but its not romantic love. We need a new term! | |||
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"Both have their merits and disadvantages. I am happy being single and having friends with benefits. Romantic love just complicates life too much for me right now ( probably ever)." | |||
"I don’t think I’m into polyamory. I do have multiple relationships at the moment, but I’m not actually in love with anyone. From experience, when I am in love, I change and then it’s just about sex. I only want one deep emotional attachment. V x There doesn't seem to be a word that describes this. I too have multiple relationships and would worry if i fell in love with any of them. I am very fond of the two more established ones but its not romantic love. We need a new term! " Yes, you can love people, without being "in love". I'm not entirely convinced I've ever actually been in love. I have 3 or 4 people with whom I am very connected. Really good friends that I love. But not in love with. PolyFWB | |||
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"Greedy bar stewards best suits us I think " | |||
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"Ella has been looking for a boyfriend for quite a while now - someone who she can meet regularly, someone who is able to accommodate and lives not too far away from us, someone to go on dates with, etc. We’ve never been able to find a guy that ticks all of the boxes "What are the musts? You can message me privately! | |||
"I don’t think I’m into polyamory. I do have multiple relationships at the moment, but I’m not actually in love with anyone. From experience, when I am in love, I change and then it’s just about sex. I only want one deep emotional attachment. V x There doesn't seem to be a word that describes this. I too have multiple relationships and would worry if i fell in love with any of them. I am very fond of the two more established ones but its not romantic love. We need a new term!" I’ve heard polyaffectionate as a term! | |||
"Both have their merits and disadvantages. I am happy being single and having friends with benefits. Romantic love just complicates life too much for me right now ( probably ever)." This is me at the moment! Hoping to build up a network of FWBs but without the romantic bit. I’m not even comfortable with the -amory bit
I tend to just call myself non monogamous.
There’s also the concept of relationship anarchy, which is where all involved parties make up their own rules (all consensually agreed on of course) | |||
"Both have their merits and disadvantages. I am happy being single and having friends with benefits. Romantic love just complicates life too much for me right now ( probably ever). This is me at the moment! Hoping to build up a network of FWBs but without the romantic bit. I’m not even comfortable with the -amory bit
I tend to just call myself non monogamous.
There’s also the concept of relationship anarchy, which is where all involved parties make up their own rules (all consensually agreed on of course) " | |||
