FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Abuse
Abuse
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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As My wife wont let me make love to her. Denying of love. Dose that mean I am being mentaly abused ? |
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"As My wife wont let me make love to her. Denying of love. Dose that mean I am being mentaly abused ?"
No. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As My wife wont let me make love to her. Denying of love. Dose that mean I am being mentaly abused ?"
Not at all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It could be abuse if she goes........
Ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa no sex for you pimple dick. I'm shagging Tony from the Bag Wash ..... ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaa
But if she just doesn't want sex...... that's okay and not abuse. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If she is doing it deliberately to hurt you then, yes.
If she just can’t be arsed with it all then, no. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It is her body, you are free to leave the marriage |
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"If she is doing it deliberately to hurt you then, yes.
If she just can’t be arsed with it all then, no."
Best answer |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Have you talked to her about it? Surely it’d be better to try and resolve the issue with her rather than ask folk who have nothing to do with your marriage? |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"As My wife wont let me make love to her. Denying of love. Dose that mean I am being mentaly abused ?"
Nope, although if she doesn’t know about this profile, that could be construed as abuse.
You don’t have a right to another persons body, irrespective of their relationship to you and she doesn’t owe you anything, definitely not sex |
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[Removed by poster at 04/03/21 08:43:16] |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Then it is abuse |
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We don’t know the ins and outs (please, no undertones there) of your relationship and what goes on for you both. I don’t think any of us can say yes or no to abuse without knowing the full picture. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Then it is abuse "
She’s told you that she is interested in sex but not with you and is withholding it on purpose knowing that it will hurt you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As My wife wont let me make love to her. Denying of love. Dose that mean I am being mentaly abused ?"
As others have said. No.
And does sex prove she loves you? By not having sex is that denying love? I’ve often pondered this. |
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"Then it is abuse "
No. Everyone has said NO |
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Don’t worry just like being a single guy that’s why we are all here living in hope lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Then it is abuse
No. Everyone has said NO "
Sorry, Granny, are we saying it is or isn't abuse? Not sure I'm fully getting the message. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Talk to her
Someone said its her body and your free to leave the marriage which is true but so is she. Its not one sided. Best person to talk to is her not people on here as only you and your wife know all the details |
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Helps if we take the gender bias out of the comments.
First off, no-one has a right to anyones body. Been shown many times in courts over recent years that marriage gives no "rights" to a physical relationship, an attitude that has rightly has gone.
Abuse too large to be flippant. If one party does not want to meet the need of a partner, that is their choice. If they do so with the intention of inflicting distress (note that distress might be outcome of a free choice but may not be the *intended* outcome) then yes that could be construed as controlling behaviour - a marker of abuse.
On a site with so many alt sexual lifestyles, YMMV as to advice on how to deal with an imbalance of need, and how sexual power politics works.
Communication with a partner would have to be a start...  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Perhaps she doesn’t want to have sex with you because she knows you’re cheating in her. It’s a bit of a turn off. I know that sounds all judgey but women aren’t stupid. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Perhaps she doesn’t want to have sex with you because she knows you’re cheating in her. It’s a bit of a turn off. I know that sounds all judgey but women aren’t stupid. "
On! |
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Denying of love? Does this mean she says she doesn’t love you? Or she doesn’t express it?
Love and sex are separate things.
Some women go off sex at various stages of their lives. Have you asked why? Perhaps it’s hormonal or emotional issues which have affected her libido. Or perhaps you only show you love through sex and she needs more than that to feel loved. Or perhaps she’s found out you’re on a swingers site and it’s turned her off. Communication is key!! I can’t say that enough.
Perhaps your relationship has run its course. But it doesn’t sound like abuse on the face value of what you’ve said.
One thing that is guaranteed to put me off sex would be a sulky man moaning he doesn’t get any or if I felt pressured to perform in any way.
Lou x |
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"As My wife wont let me make love to her. Denying of love. Dose that mean I am being mentaly abused ?"
Perhaps she values her health?
Might sound harsh but if she's aware of you seeing others that may explain why she doesn't want to engage physically..
It's not abuse.. |
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In the context you are asking, no, it is not abuse. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
As everyone else has said OP if it's simply the case of your wife not wanting sex for whatever reason then absolutely it's not abuse, unless she is doing so to control you somehow or as something to taunt you with as part of a wider picture.
Perhaps if you explained why *you* think it might be abuse more expansive answers could be given - but even then I'd question why you'd want to raise it here (where people don't know both sides of the story or indeed the intricate details) rather than with her directly to try and talk it through and understand the issues and if possible find a resolution. |
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How do you feel about it? Is she loving in other ways or has she withdrawn any expression of love?
Do you *feel* loved?
It must be horrible if you don't |
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"Won't let you make love". How are things outside of the bedroom? Think about that first. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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[Removed by poster at 04/03/21 09:59:22] |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As My wife wont let me make love to her. Denying of love. Dose that mean I am being mentaly abused ?"
No, means you just need to be bitch slapped asking silly question and esp. if on here behind your wife's back.  |
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Does it go like the scene out of wolf of wall street, with Margot Robbie, leo DiCaprio, short skirts and no knickers?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have you talked to her about it? Surely it’d be better to try and resolve the issue with her rather than ask folk who have nothing to do with your marriage? "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Does it go like the scene out of wolf of wall street, with Margot Robbie, leo DiCaprio, short skirts and no knickers??"
love that scene, her voice and dialogue super-hot...  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Neglect can be classed as abuse, but it would really depend on so many factors not just that one thing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As everyone else has said OP if it's simply the case of your wife not wanting sex for whatever reason then absolutely it's not abuse, unless she is doing so to control you somehow or as something to taunt you with as part of a wider picture.
Perhaps if you explained why *you* think it might be abuse more expansive answers could be given - but even then I'd question why you'd want to raise it here (where people don't know both sides of the story or indeed the intricate details) rather than with her directly to try and talk it through and understand the issues and if possible find a resolution."
The first paragraph is very important. Is withdrawal of sex used as a tool to control you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Or to lower your self esteem.. therefore making you easy target of abuse. It's very complicated. |
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"Neglect can be classed as abuse, but it would really depend on so many factors not just that one thing. "
Neglecting to give your husband sex might not meet threshold for allegations of abuse.
And as the OP is meeting men for sex on a swingers site I would hope his wife is aware of and consents to this extra-marital activity or she may be the one entitled to make allegations of abuse.
Lou x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Neglect can be classed as abuse, but it would really depend on so many factors not just that one thing.
Neglecting to give your husband sex might not meet threshold for allegations of abuse.
And as the OP is meeting men for sex on a swingers site I would hope his wife is aware of and consents to this extra-marital activity or she may be the one entitled to make allegations of abuse.
Lou x "
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"Neglect can be classed as abuse, but it would really depend on so many factors not just that one thing.
Neglecting to give your husband sex might not meet threshold for allegations of abuse.
And as the OP is meeting men for sex on a swingers site I would hope his wife is aware of and consents to this extra-marital activity or she may be the one entitled to make allegations of abuse.
Lou x "
Especially if the bareback sex landed her with an infection.
Who knows, maybe she already caught one and that's why she stopped having sex.
I was faithful for 11 years and ended up with chlamydia from my cheating ex. Talk about twisting the knife.
Have you actually ever had a proper talk with your wife OP?
I don't know her age but for many women the menopause is akin to having a serious mental episode that can last a fairly long time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Neglect can be classed as abuse, but it would really depend on so many factors not just that one thing.
Neglecting to give your husband sex might not meet threshold for allegations of abuse.
And as the OP is meeting men for sex on a swingers site I would hope his wife is aware of and consents to this extra-marital activity or she may be the one entitled to make allegations of abuse.
Lou x "
No that's why I said it cannot be just this one whole thing on its own. That wouldn't stand. |
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It isn't abuse. It's choice. Her choice.
Your choices are to try and discuss it , maybe consider couples councelling.
Or you can choose to put up with it.
Or you can choose to leave.
It's a shit situation, and I doubt your wife is happy either, but lots of choices there OP.
Good luck.
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I must also say, if you're being abused by someone, generally the last thing you want is sex with that person, therefore my interpretation is the rest of the relationship must be pretty ok if the OP still wants a physical relationship.
So the question is... why is she not wanting sex if the relationship is just dandy?
If she knows about this side of your life OP that could be your answer.
If you don't think she knows, she probably senses something and there could be your answer?
If you've left it a long time without speaking about it, it may just be easier for her in her head to "be a good wife", keep her mouth shut and let you go about your business.
Without ooen honest communication you'll probably never know why but if open honest communication hasn't been "the norm" it may be difficult to bring it to life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It is her body, you are free to leave the marriage"
This is the truth.
It is hard if you’ve been married for a long time, have a good relationship but no sex between you, if you have kids, shared investments etc etc
But OP you are FREE to leave the marriage but I understand that’s easier said as an outsider. It’s not abuse.
Leaving is like one end of the spectrum, before you do that consider talking about it. Lots of different things to consider. The issue may not be a sex issue at all maybe you both need something in your relationship that you’re missing.
Or like many people do, do not confront the issues, be “fab single” and cheat!
(Disclaimer this was meant as a tongue in cheek joke  ) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It seems ok for you all getting as much sex as you want. I look at your pictures with envy. I love women I dont much like going with guys. but it seems easier. and relives my stress....... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Oh whats the point of carrying on . she has won as most women do........ |
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Take things into your own hands....or hand.  |
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"Oh whats the point of carrying on . she has won as most women do........"
Dear oh dear... I think you may have just given us all a hint as to why she’s not feeling it.
Lou x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its a situation you can easily fix by leaving |
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depends why she doesn't want to sleep with you... I had relationships where I stopped sleeping with them because basically I was bored of the actual sex and it was too much effort to have it. rather have a cuddle, kiss and watch netflix with them |
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"It seems ok for you all getting as much sex as you want. I look at your pictures with envy. I love women I dont much like going with guys. but it seems easier. and relives my stress....... "
I wouldn't trust a book by its cover. Its a known fact people get way less sex than they make out. I'm single and I haven't had sex for months now because of lockdown etc |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It is her body, you are free to leave the marriage"
It's never FREE to leave a marriage!  |
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By *LUKCouple
over a year ago
Loughborough |
Can't make a judgement on your situation as there's not enough info. We have no idea if she's aware that you have unprotected sex with other guys. We have no idea if you have her blessing to do so, or if you're cheating on her.
What I can make a judgement on is: don't ask for people's opinions and then just ignore them because it doesn't fit with the narrative in your head. You asked a question, people have answered, and you've just dismissed them because of some weird game that women have 'won' in your head.
I think you're wife not having sex with you is probably way down the list of problems you need to address. |
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Not abuse no but it is a normal expectation of marriage. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It seems ok for you all getting as much sex as you want. I look at your pictures with envy. I love women I dont much like going with guys. but it seems easier. and relives my stress....... "
I feel like perhaps you’re looking at peoples lives and comparing to your own which is always a bad idea. I have friends who were on 6 figure salaries, now seven figures, while only recently I got a salary of 25k. I can’t compare as I love what I do and they’re more focused on accumulating money.
There are people on fab with no green ticks but they meet the most. I’ve met people who say they’ll only meet if I agree to not leave feedback and if I am happy that they won’t leave feedback for me.
There are other people who have loads of veris but don’t publish them because they’re from fake accounts.
Not everyone is having loads and loads of sex, several times a day, all looking hot enough to be on a magazine.
You say “she’s won” what has she won at? Is it a game? It’s hard without all the information but I think you have a lot more going on beneath the surface than just not having sex.
As others have said therapy may be beneficial. An evidence based therapy with a relationship therapist or psychologist. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Perhaps I could find another who just wants me. If I left my marriage took my car back my house my bank accounts how will she manage. It all seems so simple to me. We jus have sex its not going to hurt her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It is her body, you are free to leave the marriage
It's never FREE to leave a marriage! "
Well that is certainly true too!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Perhaps I could find another who just wants me. If I left my marriage took my car back my house my bank accounts how will she manage. It all seems so simple to me. We jus have sex its not going to hurt her."
Need to chat to someone about all this properly. Clearly there is a lot going on. I hope it works out well for you but I’d advise you take good steps to getting the info and help you need to decide either way . Fab isn’t the best place for it |
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"Can't make a judgement on your situation as there's not enough info. We have no idea if she's aware that you have unprotected sex with other guys. We have no idea if you have her blessing to do so, or if you're cheating on her.
What I can make a judgement on is: don't ask for people's opinions and then just ignore them because it doesn't fit with the narrative in your head. You asked a question, people have answered, and you've just dismissed them because of some weird game that women have 'won' in your head.
I think you're wife not having sex with you is probably way down the list of problems you need to address. "
This you decided that you’re the hurt party and no matter what anyone says on here, you have your fingers in your ears not listening.
No sympathy for you but plenty for your partner. |
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"Perhaps I could find another who just wants me. If I left my marriage took my car back my house my bank accounts how will she manage. It all seems so simple to me. We jus have sex its not going to hurt her."
"We just have sex it's not going to hurt her"
There's more to sex than just the physical act ya know. It's mental too.
I think this says an awful lot and a huge lack of understanding. It almost sounds as though you're the one wanting to use sex as a weapon. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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She wants for nothing.. But all this leaves me so depressed ......... |
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By *umblefunMan
over a year ago
London/ South West (Devon, Somerset). |
"We don’t know the ins and outs (please, no undertones there) of your relationship and what goes on for you both. I don’t think any of us can say yes or no to abuse without knowing the full picture."
This! |
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Just have an affair and leave her |
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"She wants for nothing.. But all this leaves me so depressed ........."
When did you go to couples counselling?
When did you last talk PROPERLY to each other? Honestly? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Honestly.... You come across to me as entitled and not at all respectful of your wife or your relationship. "My car, my house" that's not a marriage. If you're not happy and don't think she contributes enough to the relationship to even be entitled to it being "our house" then you really need to have an honest conversation or get out. Sounds like your issues in bed are a symptom of an unhealthy relationship. Hope for both your sakes you manage to resolve things one way or another. Life's to short to be in an unhappy marriage. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Perhaps I could find another who just wants me. If I left my marriage took my car back my house my bank accounts how will she manage. It all seems so simple to me. We jus have sex its not going to hurt her."
How do you *know* it's not going to hurt her mentally or physically? And even if it didn't - sex for the sake of satisfying *your* urges is hardly the most enticing prospect is it?
Are you actually going to take on board the plethora of good advice already offered here and perhaps sit down and talk with the one person that can provide you answers? Or are you just waiting on someone to take pity on you and say "there, there, never mind, come have sex with me"? Because if it's the latter I fear you're going to have a very long wait.
No disrespect intended in the above but talking with your wife and understanding her side (which means listening to her as well as putting your perspective) is really the right way forward.
I wish you luck with that if you choose to do so. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Then I leave her. she can have the lot.......she dosnt want me.......I know i said about mt car etc. but Im not materalistic...... Just lonely.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"She wants for nothing.. But all this leaves me so depressed .........
When did you go to couples counselling?
When did you last talk PROPERLY to each other? Honestly?"
This. This. This.
How do you know deep down she isn’t feeling lonely too? If you’ve been married a long time you will both know how to hide your feelings from one another. |
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"She wants for nothing.. But all this leaves me so depressed .........
When did you go to couples counselling?
When did you last talk PROPERLY to each other? Honestly?
This. This. This.
How do you know deep down she isn’t feeling lonely too? If you’ve been married a long time you will both know how to hide your feelings from one another. "
Exactly.
Saying she wants for nothing could be an assumption.
Throwing money at people isn't the same as respecting someone.
Nobody knows if nobody speaks and even when people do speak they may not want to upset so don't REALLY speak. Also, there's no point in speaking when the person you're talking to is listening to reply instead of listening to HEAR and understand. You don't always speak with your voice, you also speak with body language and behaviour, sleepless nights, irritability, tummy aches. Sometimes your own body is talking to you telling you there's something wrong but you get so used to it, so caught up in getting through each day that you don't even realise there's stuff inside going on.
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I think you’d achieve more talking to your wife directly mate. It’s not the Victorian times where men own women, they are free to make choice.
It’s only abuse if she is using it to manipulate you or to take advantage of you.
Does your wife know you meet other men for sex? I’m not judging but I feel that may also make it worse for you? |
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"Perhaps I could find another who just wants me. If I left my marriage took my car back my house my bank accounts how will she manage. It all seems so simple to me. We jus have sex its not going to hurt her."
Wow what a selfish way to look at things.
I had an ex like you, he used to keep on at me for sex till I gave in.
Most of the time it did hurt physically as I wasnt turned on enough because I didn't really want it. It also hurt mentally as I felt used and abused.
Try talking to her, maybe it's time to split up and go your separate ways. One things for sure though you wont find the answers by meeting men on here. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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You had an ex like me ? you dont know anything about me . I dont force myself on her. Yes I ask her if we can make love . But there is always a refusal. I realise its her choice. Though it saddens me and i accept he decession. I respect and love her. |
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"You had an ex like me ? you dont know anything about me . I dont force myself on her. Yes I ask her if we can make love . But there is always a refusal. I realise its her choice. Though it saddens me and i accept he decession. I respect and love her."
Your words....."It all seems so simple to me. We jus have sex its not going to hurt her."
This makes you sound as though you think just because you are married she SHOULD have sex with you.
This is not the case and my point is it might hurt her.....have you asked. As woman get older sex can become painful or uncomfortable for many reasons maybe this is why she refuses.
You need to talk to her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Speak to her honestly....talk about the lack of sex is making you depressed....maybe something your doing or not doing is having the same effect on her? I dont think a swingers site is for you...if its just sex try adult work and use an escort... |
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"You had an ex like me ? you dont know anything about me . I dont force myself on her. Yes I ask her if we can make love . But there is always a refusal. I realise its her choice. Though it saddens me and i accept he decession. I respect and love her."
No. Nobody knows anything because you're not talking.
You're drip feeding what you want people to hear. You've come up with no reason why you think she may not want to.
You haven't said whether she knows about this profile and side of your life.
You haven't answered whether you even talk to each other and tell each other the truth.
If this is how you and her communicate then it comes as no shock the relationship isn't working |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Perhaps I could find another who just wants me. If I left my marriage took my car back my house my bank accounts how will she manage. It all seems so simple to me. We jus have sex its not going to hurt her."
It might, I don't have sex much because it's very painful for me. |
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"It is her body, you are free to leave the marriage
It's never FREE to leave a marriage! "
It is free to get up and leave any relationship, but as you rightly put the lawyer costs lots. |
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"You had an ex like me ? you dont know anything about me . I dont force myself on her. Yes I ask her if we can make love . But there is always a refusal. I realise its her choice. Though it saddens me and i accept he decession. I respect and love her."
All we know is what you have told us in the few posts you have made. Several requests for you to expand on this have been ignored.
Do you think we can all contact Dorris and tell her to stop being silly and Shag you? No we can't and as has been said you need to sit down with her and discuss the problem honestly, maybe there are reasons she feels she cannot have sex with you maybe as someone put earlier she has found out your having sex with others who knows? I tell you who dose SHE dose so talk to her and try sort this out or up and leave and find someone who wants sex 24/7. |
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Gonna hit ya from another angle.
I'm also making an assumption here based on the lack of any response regarding whether she is aware (that you know of) of your activity outside your marriage.
If you had a daughter or granddaughter that came to you in tears and told you their husband was having sex with others, cheating on them would you seriously turn round to them and say...
"Well you don't want for anything, so just ignore it and start having sex with him, it ain't gonna hurt ya"
Or would you say "it's up to you if you decide to stay, it's your marriage, but for god sake have some self respect and don't let him near your body"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Quite frankly if your as selfish in bed as you sound in this post no wonder your wife doesn't want to have sex with you. |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
That would depend on why she's withholding sex.
I believe sex and intimacy can be used as a weapon. |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
When my husband withdrew all intimacy he knew how much it would affect me.
He liked knowing it hurt.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Speak to her honestly....talk about the lack of sex is making you depressed....maybe something your doing or not doing is having the same effect on her? I dont think a swingers site is for you...if its just sex try adult work and use an escort..."
I think the issue with that is a escort you would have to pay rather than someone who just wants NSA. On the actual subject its a tough one. I have never been married but if you are married and your wife/husband doesnt want sex for whatever reason then what does the other party do? Some say leave but with finances etc i doubt its that simple. Must be a awful situation and one im glad im not in. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
Have you said please?
Show her your profile pics , she won’t be able to resist you, you sexy beast, you’ll be fighting her off and saying please no more sex my balls are emptied.... |
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"When my husband withdrew all intimacy he knew how much it would affect me.
He liked knowing it hurt.
"
Were you having sex with other people at the time? I think this is the case for the OP and perhaps his wife is more aware than he thinks. Secrets don’t stay that way for long. If she is aware and consents to his behaviour it could still be enough to turn her off.
Lou x |
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By *1011Woman
over a year ago
Barnsley |
[Removed by poster at 04/03/21 15:03:41] |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Speak to her honestly....talk about the lack of sex is making you depressed....maybe something your doing or not doing is having the same effect on her? I dont think a swingers site is for you...if its just sex try adult work and use an escort...
I think the issue with that is a escort you would have to pay rather than someone who just wants NSA. On the actual subject its a tough one. I have never been married but if you are married and your wife/husband doesnt want sex for whatever reason then what does the other party do? Some say leave but with finances etc i doubt its that simple. Must be a awful situation and one im glad im not in."
But he did state it was just sex...your guaranteed sex with an escort....apparently |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Then Jojo you know where Im comeingfrom |
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"She wants for nothing.. But all this leaves me so depressed ........."
Wow poor you..... get a grip. If you are unhappy leave her but you are actually mentally abusing her. Maybe she thinks sex with you is boring? And there is no chemistry anymore because you have become a sex pest... 2 sides to each story, would love to know what she actually thinks. Shame on you  |
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Reading some of your responses OP I’m hearing an ultimatum, either have sex with you or you’ll leave.
To me, that is abuse. There is so so so much more to a marriage or a relationship than sex. What about everything else in your marriage? How is that going? Or ultimately does that not matter because you’re not having sex with her. |
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As 10,000 others have said. You need to sit down and TALK.
I'm concerned that your immediate thought is that she should just "endure" sex with you because YOU want it, rather than wanting to address the issue of why she isn't wanting to or having sex with you, with the main aim being you BOTH ENJOYING sex together.
All this "she wants for nothing"...how do you know??? She's not a vending machine where you can throw money at her and get what you want without any emotional investment.
These threads never end well as thr other party are unable to defend themselves. Therefore, the only person who can give you answers is her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe she doesn't want to be rogered by a man called Jennifer |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe she doesn't want to be rogered by a man called Jennifer I don't think the wife knows about Jennifer Maybe she does and that's why  "
. But Jennifer is getting it from other guys like he says ... maybe she knows this too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As My wife wont let me make love to her. Denying of love. Dose that mean I am being mentaly abused ?"
You say in your one liner bio that you're seeking to be abused ... So you should be happy out if you view your wife denying you sex as abuse  |
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The op has said that he is sad and depressed. Some of the comments made towards him are quite nasty and not at all helpful, some downright disrespectful.
If this was a woman who’d started the post, as has been seen many times, the replies would and have been very different.
My advice op is speak to your wife. Both oh you make time to sit down and discuss the problem. You can tell her how lonely you feel and how you are feeling depressed. You can explain to her how important sex is to you. You should also listen to her perspective and reasons why she is feeling the way she does and does not want a sex life with you.
Good luck op, and I hope it works out for you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I didn't realise the OP mentioned he was sad & depressed
My comment was said in jist more than anything else. Best of Luck OP. X |
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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago
somewhere, someplace |
"You had an ex like me ? you dont know anything about me . I dont force myself on her. Yes I ask her if we can make love . But there is always a refusal. I realise its her choice. Though it saddens me and i accept he decession. I respect and love her."
If you respected and loved her you wouldn't be on here doing what you're doing, you'd be talking to her and trying to find out what the root of the problem is and working on fixing it.
It broke me when I found my ex in a dating site on the basis of his excuse I don't get it at home enough, I had issues going on that made me completely disinterested in sex but I loved him with all my heart and to find he was going elsewhere instead of talking to me hurt me immensely |
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I’m not sure if your wife knows, but I know if my other half (if I had one) was shagging ANYONE else without a condom, he’s be getting nowt from me.
If she doesn’t know, maybe she senses your infidelity. If she knows, maybe she doesn’t like it.
Without giving full details how can you ask advice? I hope you can sort it out as it’s not nice for anyone to feel hurt, lonely or rejected.
You need to discuss it before you can find out what’s going on |
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Literally can't tell if this is a joke or not. If it is, well done, you entertained some folk. If not, holy shit get over yourself. Your wife not wanting to have sex any more is not abusive, and acting like it is is frankly a mockery of people suffering actual abuse. Sorry to hear you feel lonely, but if you're subjecting her to lies and cheating with random men, you don't have a very strong leg to stand on here. Have you tried actual communication with her? Mad idea, I know.
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"If she is doing it deliberately to hurt you then, yes.
If she just can’t be arsed with it all then, no."
Absolute rubbish ! No one has to have sex with someone else regardless of the reason |
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"Literally can't tell if this is a joke or not. If it is, well done, you entertained some folk. If not, holy shit get over yourself. Your wife not wanting to have sex any more is not abusive, and acting like it is is frankly a mockery of people suffering actual abuse. Sorry to hear you feel lonely, but if you're subjecting her to lies and cheating with random men, you don't have a very strong leg to stand on here. Have you tried actual communication with her? Mad idea, I know.
"
I did wonder this as I can't gety head around the logic...
- Thinks HE is being abused as Wife doesn't want to shag him.
- Lies and cheats on her without protection.
- Expects her to just put up and open her legs for him whenever he wants, regardless of her issues or feelings because he feels like he pays for/provides everything.
- When given good advice, it's "Maybe I'll just leave her then for someone that actually wants sex".
We've only heard one very vague part of one side of the story, but it's like she's a piece of equipment |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Depression sets in yet again. I still have my music my books........... |
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"As My wife wont let me make love to her. Denying of love. Dose that mean I am being mentaly abused ?"
Like a fool I looked at your profile photos and now I can’t un see them, I am scarred for life ! |
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"As My wife wont let me make love to her. Denying of love. Dose that mean I am being mentaly abused ?"
No. She isn't denting you love. She probably loves you in many ways but she isn't sexually active. Is you accusing her of a busying you actually you emotionally bullying her (hypothetically of course as I'm sure you don't accuse her in person) |
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"Depression sets in yet again. I still have my music my books..........."
TALK. TO. HER.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Def a wind up haha |
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By *iliciousCouple
over a year ago
Sussex/Surrey |
"Depression sets in yet again. I still have my music my books...........
TALK. TO. HER. "
If he were able to (in the specific situation, the details of which are patently unknowable in a Internet forum) then presumably it would have happened by now. OP you’ve made a start to address the issue by opening up here. But that won’t help you. Call a counsellor today, if not for both of you then for you individually. Sounds like you need to talk to someone.
There are also resources on the BBC about depression and the NHS. Good luck.
PS Can people please stop being judgmental and nasty? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Probably doesn’t help you’re on here having sex with men |
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"As My wife wont let me make love to her. Denying of love. Dose that mean I am being mentaly abused ?"
No its just her DOS |
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"Perhaps I could find another who just wants me. If I left my marriage took my car back my house my bank accounts how will she manage. It all seems so simple to me. We jus have sex its not going to hurt her."
Wow your poor wife! What an awful comment |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nope, just sexually frustrated.
Her choice her reasons, just ask why and take it from there. Good luck |
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That's a whole lot of selfish in one place!
Either partner can experience a low, or non existent sex drive at anytime.
It doesn't mean they are being abusive, merely how their hormonal levels are set.
To whine and hint at the "I provide material comfort so I'm entitled to sex" argument, is cold and unfeeling.
Flipping this whole thing around, isn't the mere fact of being on fab, trawling for physical gratification, a prime example of abusing the relationship anyway?
Support and empower her, rather than point fingers |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"Then I leave her. she can have the lot.......she dosnt want me.......I know i said about mt car etc. but Im not materalistic...... Just lonely...."
This comment sounds really sad to me and being lonely is not only about sex so I am guessing there is more to this than just sex.
I know it easy for the rest of us to give "advice" when we are not in the situation, but sometimes the advice you have probably already tried anyway before you got to the stage of asking the question
If you love your wife then maybe help from professionals may be able to help if communication between you has broken down
Good luck, whatever you decide to do I hope you find the less lonely life you are craving |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
Blimey, after reading the rest I suppose it depends on who says they are depressed as to what reaction they get. Telling someone to " get a grip" is not going to help someone if they say they are depressed.
As another has said, if this was a female writing these posts or a forum regular the responses would have been totally different
Lets have some respect for other users please
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