FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > do I have to leave fab?
do I have to leave fab?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I fallen for someone but he's not a swinger. Not sure if he ever be so might have to leave fab... what can I say or do to change his mind? "
If someone not interested in swinging chances are they won’t change their mind. Is he the jealous type. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is a choice I think you will have to make . Swinging is something you both need to want to do I feel . If you are in a open relationship then that maybe a different story . Do what your heart tells you to do .
Good luck and best wishes . X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you have fallen for him it’s because he is perfect for you. If you are having to be someone or something you are not, or even hide who you are from him then it’s only you who know if you can do that. Personally I’d have mentioned how open minded and sexual I was. I really hope it works out for you both x |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
Its great that you have found someone, just make sure that if you do decide to follow it through it is what you want, and not just about him.
Does he know you are/have been a swinger? Again some men find it hard to accept their partners past sexual history.
And while the prospect of a MFF may seem appealing to him, once it turns to a MMF or you swinging on your own other emotions come into play. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hide your profile and just forget about for a bit, if you break up you can come back and you still have your old profile. I made the mistake of deleting my profile and came back and therefore lost all my verifications. |
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By *aughtycp1Couple
over a year ago
Leicestershire |
My advice would be to start all over together as a couple. Begin by fantasising in bed together. Then build from there. Discover his sexual side together. He is bound to have deep sexual fantasies that he has probably suppressed for years. Now he has met an open minded woman they can be slowly brought out together as a couple. Don't worry about the destination of swinging or getting a physical meet. Just enjoy the journey and see where it leads x |
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"My advice would be to start all over together as a couple. Begin by fantasising in bed together. Then build from there. Discover his sexual side together. He is bound to have deep sexual fantasies that he has probably suppressed for years. Now he has met an open minded woman they can be slowly brought out together as a couple. Don't worry about the destination of swinging or getting a physical meet. Just enjoy the journey and see where it leads x"
Best advice!!!  |
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From someone who married a person not into swinging my advice is this, talk about it! Tell him why you enjoy the lifestyle, discuss the pros and cons, listen to his views on why he isnt into it and whether he may want to or is definitely a no. Then make your mind up whether you are actually prepared to give it up for him. Easier to talk about it at the beginning. I wish i had. If you dont think you can have that conversation, id question why not? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Tbh he might even turn his head when you show him your profile ask him his opinion on it. And tell him this is where your kinky side comes out see what he says. He might just like it. |
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"Not a dig at the op at all.... But this is classic fab double standards. If a guy posts about wanting to change their partners mind about swinging he gets torn a new one in 5 seconds flat! "
This! But that’s fab for ya! |
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By *rder66Man
over a year ago
Tatooine |
You should never hide or change yourself for anybody and if they feel the same, they should accept that part of you and either let you explore that part of yourself or want to be part of it, no matter how much or how little.
Love is embracing the person and making them shine even brighter. |
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"Not a dig at the op at all.... But this is classic fab double standards. If a guy posts about wanting to change their partners mind about swinging he gets torn a new one in 5 seconds flat!
This! But that’s fab for ya! "
people always complaining that women get better grace on fab.. but hey I'm not complaining  |
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"Tbh he might even turn his head when you show him your profile ask him his opinion on it. And tell him this is where your kinky side comes out see what he says. He might just like it. "
The kinky side isn't the issue... it's sharing with other men that is  |
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"You can't say or do anything to change his mind. If he doesn't want to, he doesn't want to. How does he feel about you being a swinger?
"
not really into it... but I'm not going to penalise him for not wanting to be a swinger. He had threesomes with random people, just not in a loving relationship. Too jealous and possessive |
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"Not a dig at the op at all.... But this is classic fab double standards. If a guy posts about wanting to change their partners mind about swinging he gets torn a new one in 5 seconds flat!
This! But that’s fab for ya!
people always complaining that women get better grace on fab.. but hey I'm not complaining "
There is truth in it though. I was just reading about a lady maybe exposing herself to a delivery guy and everyone is “go for it”. On the flip side, I read about a guy wanting to do this to his post lady and he was absolutely pulled apart for it!
It’s all about equality until it’s not |
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"Not a dig at the op at all.... But this is classic fab double standards. If a guy posts about wanting to change their partners mind about swinging he gets torn a new one in 5 seconds flat!
This! But that’s fab for ya!
people always complaining that women get better grace on fab.. but hey I'm not complaining
There is truth in it though. I was just reading about a lady maybe exposing herself to a delivery guy and everyone is “go for it”. On the flip side, I read about a guy wanting to do this to his post lady and he was absolutely pulled apart for it!
It’s all about equality until it’s not "
Not everyone displays the same double standards. Often men will support someone trying to persuade a reluctant partner. I agree about the flashing thing, it's often seen as ok for a woman but a lot of people do call all genders out on it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I fallen for someone but he's not a swinger. Not sure if he ever be so might have to leave fab... what can I say or do to change his mind? "
hi all i can add when i first met j I was more vanilla than ice cream lol.on the first night she told me that she goes to clubs and so on.im like okkk but i like her so she suggested going to one club to see what it's all about .if i didn't like it she would stop .i went along and i loved it im not a full swinger .so we are happy for j to play with women or have same room fun with the 2 women playing and us men play with our own partners. But thats not to say it wont change in the future  |
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By *100Man
over a year ago
Essex |
"I fallen for someone but he's not a swinger. Not sure if he ever be so might have to leave fab... what can I say or do to change his mind? "
Get another girl to join you both he’ll soon warm to the idea |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I fallen for someone but he's not a swinger. Not sure if he ever be so might have to leave fab... what can I say or do to change his mind? "
If he doesn't want to swing and your thinking he's the one then I'd say delete your profile and enjoy each other. |
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"I fallen for someone but he's not a swinger. Not sure if he ever be so might have to leave fab... what can I say or do to change his mind? "
Dont say anything you both have pasts that has no business with the other one.
I disagree on you wanting to change his mind though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You can't say or do anything to change his mind. If he doesn't want to, he doesn't want to. How does he feel about you being a swinger?
not really into it... but I'm not going to penalise him for not wanting to be a swinger. He had threesomes with random people, just not in a loving relationship. Too jealous and possessive "
Who've just answered your own question....too jealous and possessive.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I fallen for someone but he's not a swinger. Not sure if he ever be so might have to leave fab... what can I say or do to change his mind? "
Would you be happy with a monogamous relationship?
If not then you will never be compatible. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And if he says he's not interested then you can't and shouldn't want to change his mind. Respect his boundaries and make your choice based on that. "
Perfect reply and second that. Swinging is for some people and not for others. |
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By *renzMan
over a year ago
Between Chichester and Havant |
"You can't say or do anything to change his mind. If he doesn't want to, he doesn't want to. How does he feel about you being a swinger?
not really into it... but I'm not going to penalise him for not wanting to be a swinger. He had threesomes with random people, just not in a loving relationship. Too jealous and possessive "
Have you discussed that you are a swinger? Saying he is too jealous and possessive makes me wonder how he would react if he does know? If he knows your background and you have to work late, would he then question your whereabouts, being jealous and possessive?
But in answer to your original question. You should leave. I can't see you changing his mind, certainly not in the short term. |
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this is a conversation you need to have between yourselves not here in the forum. Be open and honest with him about what you would like but be prepared for answers to questions you may not like. Depends what you mean by leave, would he be happy for you to stay on the site if it was just to chat in the forum ect but no longer meet others? Could you do that and give up meeting other people. Would you be happy if the shoe was on the other foot?
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"this is a conversation you need to have between yourselves not here in the forum. Be open and honest with him about what you would like but be prepared for answers to questions you may not like. Depends what you mean by leave, would he be happy for you to stay on the site if it was just to chat in the forum ect but no longer meet others? Could you do that and give up meeting other people. Would you be happy if the shoe was on the other foot?
"
oh course i understand that... just wanted to hear from swingers experiences... not such a crime to ask for that? |
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"I fallen for someone but he's not a swinger. Not sure if he ever be so might have to leave fab... what can I say or do to change his mind? "
Tie him up like a good little slut(him) and let him watch you get walloped, see what the response is, |
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By *lan157Man
over a year ago
a village near Haywards Heath in East Sussex |
I would hope the person you have fallen for is forever and someone to grow old with . I think you would have to weight that against swing world to see which one you might give up if it was necessary. I doubt swing world is as long lasting for most people. |
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"this is a conversation you need to have between yourselves not here in the forum. Be open and honest with him about what you would like but be prepared for answers to questions you may not like. Depends what you mean by leave, would he be happy for you to stay on the site if it was just to chat in the forum ect but no longer meet others? Could you do that and give up meeting other people. Would you be happy if the shoe was on the other foot?
oh course i understand that... just wanted to hear from swingers experiences... not such a crime to ask for that? "
Never said it was a crime merely stated you need to have the conversation with him as it's his thoughts that should concern you more than ours if that makes sense ?
As to swingers experiences if they are here as a couple the conversation obviously went well lol if they are still here as a single Pringle then not so well I guess and or cheeting |
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By *ratos1Man
over a year ago
Huddersfield |
"Not a dig at the op at all.... But this is classic fab double standards. If a guy posts about wanting to change their partners mind about swinging he gets torn a new one in 5 seconds flat! "
So true |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
If he doesn't want to swing you shouldn't try to change his mind.
He might say he's ok with you seeing other people so he doesn't lose you, but that isn't the right thing to do, is it.
If you can't be monogamous you must tell him now.
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"I fallen for someone but he's not a swinger. Not sure if he ever be so might have to leave fab... what can I say or do to change his mind? "
You shouldn’t want to change his mind.
Ask the question, explain your side.
Make a decision.
Simple.
If he doesn’t want too, you shouldn’t want to change his mind. Why get into a relationship with someone you already want to change
It’s not always about being open minded. I wouldn’t do this as a couple but here i am single. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I fallen for someone but he's not a swinger. Not sure if he ever be so might have to leave fab... what can I say or do to change his mind? "
Yes. No. Maybe. It’s yours and his choice.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im gonna be blunt so apologies
But you ask someone who doesn't know about this site to describe a swinger the answer you would probably get is...people who fuck around with anyone....so maybe this person might think that...if I met someone I wanted to start a relationship with I would leave this site....sorry but this site is for my penis not my heart... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You just answered the question. You said he is 'too jealous and possessive'. I honestly don't think he is cut out for swinging. So, either give up swinging or give him up. |
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A quick look at your profile OP, reveals you are erotic by nature, that’s part of who you are, that’s why you came here in the first place, so it follows that a “soul mate” needs to have a similar mind set.
You may have fallen for this chap, but over time, if your sex life with him isn’t satisfying your inner needs, the initial feelings would turn to frustration.
It’s important to be open with him from the get go, I don’t mean you have to go into the finer details about your past adventures, but I’d sit down with him and explain you enjoy exploring your sexuality and that could involve including other people. I assume you would have no problem watching him with another woman? Tell him that, but also try to explain the difference between sex with a person you have feelings for and sex with a person you don’t , are poles apart, that’s the bit most non swingers just can’t get their head around.
He may surprise you with his reaction, it may be something he’s thought about and is willing to try, if that’s the case, ease him in gently. If his reaction is discust or anger, I’m sorry to say (my opinion only) he’s not the one for you. |
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"You can't say or do anything to change his mind. If he doesn't want to, he doesn't want to. How does he feel about you being a swinger?
not really into it... but I'm not going to penalise him for not wanting to be a swinger. He had threesomes with random people, just not in a loving relationship. Too jealous and possessive "
Too jealous and possessive 
That would set my alarm bells ringing immediately regardless of whether I wanted to stay swinging or not. Can't deal with people like that... |
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"A quick look at your profile OP, reveals you are erotic by nature, that’s part of who you are, that’s why you came here in the first place, so it follows that a “soul mate” needs to have a similar mind set.
You may have fallen for this chap, but over time, if your sex life with him isn’t satisfying your inner needs, the initial feelings would turn to frustration.
It’s important to be open with him from the get go, I don’t mean you have to go into the finer details about your past adventures, but I’d sit down with him and explain you enjoy exploring your sexuality and that could involve including other people. I assume you would have no problem watching him with another woman? Tell him that, but also try to explain the difference between sex with a person you have feelings for and sex with a person you don’t , are poles apart, that’s the bit most non swingers just can’t get their head around.
He may surprise you with his reaction, it may be something he’s thought about and is willing to try, if that’s the case, ease him in gently. If his reaction is discust or anger, I’m sorry to say (my opinion only) he’s not the one for you."
why does it have to be threesome with a woman? I want MMF |
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tbf I think most vanilla people don't like sharing their partners and I think fabbers see it as being jealous or possessive but in vanilla world, it's perfectly acceptable to think that way. I don't see it as a deal breaker or red flag and rather choose someone I'm really compactible over having more than one cock thanks for all the input and helping me figure it out.. I choose love over sex any day |
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"tbf I think most vanilla people don't like sharing their partners and I think fabbers see it as being jealous or possessive but in vanilla world, it's perfectly acceptable to think that way. I don't see it as a deal breaker or red flag and rather choose someone I'm really compactible over having more than one cock thanks for all the input and helping me figure it out.. I choose love over sex any day"
Think it you yourself that said he was possessive and jealous in an earlier post and that you wanted to change him. Question is is he really that comparable if you already want to change him?
Not saying you shouldn't be with this gentleman but wonder if he really is the Mr right for you. I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world and hope it works out for you. |
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"tbf I think most vanilla people don't like sharing their partners and I think fabbers see it as being jealous or possessive but in vanilla world, it's perfectly acceptable to think that way. I don't see it as a deal breaker or red flag and rather choose someone I'm really compactible over having more than one cock thanks for all the input and helping me figure it out.. I choose love over sex any day"
It's perfectly fine for people to not want to share a partner. It's not for everyone.
But you're the one that described him as jelous and possessive.
Maybe a poor choice of words, but guys like that are the type to be generally controlling. Especially as he knows you've been on here how would that jelousy and possessiveness manifest in your relationship?
Will he see you chatting to a male friend and assume you're shagging him?
Will he look at the way you dress and want you to dress down so other guys don't look at you?
If you argue is he going you bring up your past as a swinger to try and make you feel bad?
Slippery slope.
But you know him better than we do so it's you're choice. If you're really into him there must be a reason... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A quick look at your profile OP, reveals you are erotic by nature, that’s part of who you are, that’s why you came here in the first place, so it follows that a “soul mate” needs to have a similar mind set.
You may have fallen for this chap, but over time, if your sex life with him isn’t satisfying your inner needs, the initial feelings would turn to frustration.
It’s important to be open with him from the get go, I don’t mean you have to go into the finer details about your past adventures, but I’d sit down with him and explain you enjoy exploring your sexuality and that could involve including other people. I assume you would have no problem watching him with another woman? Tell him that, but also try to explain the difference between sex with a person you have feelings for and sex with a person you don’t , are poles apart, that’s the bit most non swingers just can’t get their head around.
He may surprise you with his reaction, it may be something he’s thought about and is willing to try, if that’s the case, ease him in gently. If his reaction is discust or anger, I’m sorry to say (my opinion only) he’s not the one for you."
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"tbf I think most vanilla people don't like sharing their partners and I think fabbers see it as being jealous or possessive but in vanilla world, it's perfectly acceptable to think that way. I don't see it as a deal breaker or red flag and rather choose someone I'm really compactible over having more than one cock thanks for all the input and helping me figure it out.. I choose love over sex any day
It's perfectly fine for people to not want to share a partner. It's not for everyone.
But you're the one that described him as jelous and possessive.
Maybe a poor choice of words, but guys like that are the type to be generally controlling. Especially as he knows you've been on here how would that jelousy and possessiveness manifest in your relationship?
Will he see you chatting to a male friend and assume you're shagging him?
Will he look at the way you dress and want you to dress down so other guys don't look at you?
If you argue is he going you bring up your past as a swinger to try and make you feel bad?
Slippery slope.
But you know him better than we do so it's you're choice. If you're really into him there must be a reason..."
nooo he's not like that.. yes probably poor choice of words but no idea how else to use.
I was curious to see if couples started off monogamous then moved on to being a swinger? |
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"tbf I think most vanilla people don't like sharing their partners and I think fabbers see it as being jealous or possessive but in vanilla world, it's perfectly acceptable to think that way. I don't see it as a deal breaker or red flag and rather choose someone I'm really compactible over having more than one cock thanks for all the input and helping me figure it out.. I choose love over sex any day
Think it you yourself that said he was possessive and jealous in an earlier post and that you wanted to change him. Question is is he really that comparable if you already want to change him?
Not saying you shouldn't be with this gentleman but wonder if he really is the Mr right for you. I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world and hope it works out for you."
ok poor choice of words. He just not into swinging and I wondered if any couples here experienced the same thing, how did their partner change their mind of swinging? He not jealous or possessive, he's open minded and kinky. Just not into swinging in a loving relationship. I should of said it like that to begin with |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You can’t change someone. And like someone said above, do you have any rights to try and change them? Maybe over time they may see things differently but until then...do what you need to do. |
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"My advice would be to start all over together as a couple. Begin by fantasising in bed together. Then build from there. Discover his sexual side together. He is bound to have deep sexual fantasies that he has probably suppressed for years. Now he has met an open minded woman they can be slowly brought out together as a couple. Don't worry about the destination of swinging or getting a physical meet. Just enjoy the journey and see where it leads x"
Definitely this. |
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"tbf I think most vanilla people don't like sharing their partners and I think fabbers see it as being jealous or possessive but in vanilla world, it's perfectly acceptable to think that way. I don't see it as a deal breaker or red flag and rather choose someone I'm really compactible over having more than one cock thanks for all the input and helping me figure it out.. I choose love over sex any day
Think it you yourself that said he was possessive and jealous in an earlier post and that you wanted to change him. Question is is he really that comparable if you already want to change him?
Not saying you shouldn't be with this gentleman but wonder if he really is the Mr right for you. I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world and hope it works out for you.
ok poor choice of words. He just not into swinging and I wondered if any couples here experienced the same thing, how did their partner change their mind of swinging? He not jealous or possessive, he's open minded and kinky. Just not into swinging in a loving relationship. I should of said it like that to begin with "
If you need/want to change his mind then in my opinion he is not the right one for you. But as you said earlier...you'd choose love over sex so it really isn't an issue. |
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"I fallen for someone but he's not a swinger. Not sure if he ever be so might have to leave fab... what can I say or do to change his mind? "
Cya, enjoy what yr heart and head are telling u.. hope it works and if it don’t, then see u in yr return |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not a dig at the op at all.... But this is classic fab double standards. If a guy posts about wanting to change their partners mind about swinging he gets torn a new one in 5 seconds flat! "
It's a very good point lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I fallen for someone but he's not a swinger. Not sure if he ever be so might have to leave fab... what can I say or do to change his mind?
Tie him up like a good little slut(him) and let him watch you get walloped, see what the response is,"
Lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My advice would be to start all over together as a couple. Begin by fantasising in bed together. Then build from there. Discover his sexual side together. He is bound to have deep sexual fantasies that he has probably suppressed for years. Now he has met an open minded woman they can be slowly brought out together as a couple. Don't worry about the destination of swinging or getting a physical meet. Just enjoy the journey and see where it leads x"
Totally agree. Enjoy the journey and see where it takes you. In most cases women are always the driving force of most successful relationships I know of. So steer it in the direction that suits it best. Good luck. |
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