FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Monogomy
Monogomy
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So we are swingers, well, I am.
This is because I get bored of sex with the same person all the time, and the thought of sex with just that 1 person for the rest of my life is enough to make me stay single forever.
No matter how good the sex is (I have had some fantastic relationship sex) I always want something new and exciting.
How do people do it?
Are they really happy?
Why is variety so frowned upon? |
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I like being with the same person as you learn what they like and them you, makes the sex better
But
The thrill of bedding a new untried lady to find those strokes and kisses she likes is also such a draw
My god you’ve asked a bloody question Ivy
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Being with one person you truly get on with in every way and can live with happily is our idea of monogamy but sex can be so much more if you are able to deal with bringing others in for the mix. The mainstream judges but when we’re all on the end of our lives saying we managed to stay with the same person and not get any boredom... that’s when we know we won! Hah. |
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Don't know but I totally agree. I think this is why so many relationships fail and people cheat, it really is the best of both worlds to be in a relationship where you love each other but you can still have sex with new people. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
We consider ourselves ethical non monogamous. We tried poly once, and while we are not averse to it, its not something we are actively seeking.
For us the draw for different sexual partners is more around finding people to play with from a BDSM point of view, be that a simple spanking session to a full on CNC session.
We are not seeking romantic liaisons, but are happy to make and build upon friendships.
I think once people accept they do not have to be 100% of everything their partner wants or needs, but that doesn’t lesson their importance to their partner, then you can have a more fulfilling relationship. |
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Monogamy usually tends to be intertwined with other factors such as kids, history, friendship and a mortgage. Or it could just be a matter is sociological pressure which one feels unable to stand against.
If there is anything I’ve learned after 20+ years of marriage, some of which monogamous, it is that monogamy isn’t for everyone. |
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By *rad670Man
over a year ago
South Lakes |
"Monogamy usually tends to be intertwined with other factors such as kids, history, friendship and a mortgage. Or it could just be a matter is sociological pressure which one feels unable to stand against.
If there is anything I’ve learned after 20+ years of marriage, some of which monogamous, it is that monogamy isn’t for everyone."
This is how I also feel but after following the thread I couldn't put into words myself. |
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I just want to be monogamous. I have literally nothing against people who aren't and if my partner wanted to explore with other people I'd be happy to do it as a couple. But I have no desire to be in a non-monogamous relationship. I've never been tempted into cheating, I think it is abhorrent.
If I could choose to be nonmon I would because I do think it would be a lot easier but I just can't.
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I think both can be hard in different ways. I think monogamy can work if you're both willing to to make an active choice to put effort into committing to only each other and keeping things fresh.
Non-monogamy on the flip side can work if you're both committed to communicating effectively and dealing with potential jealousy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Been with my partner for 8 years and swinging for almost 2.
We are life partners and will get married and have children.
However, sex with others, that you connect with, is fun and exciting - if you're attracted to someone and get on well, if the moment takes you then why not?
Its how we see it and it works for us. It doesn't work for everyone.  |
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"So we are swingers, well, I am.
This is because I get bored of sex with the same person all the time, and the thought of sex with just that 1 person for the rest of my life is enough to make me stay single forever.
No matter how good the sex is (I have had some fantastic relationship sex) I always want something new and exciting.
How do people do it?
Are they really happy?
Why is variety so frowned upon?"
You know I've never understood how someone could do it... till now.
Seems the key is the right person. Not saying it would last foreve, but so far every time is like the first time , ie new and exciting.
I have however told him and he has told me that should we feel the want, need ,or desire for fun with others that we will have that option.
However still in the honeymoon period. ( although my normal attention span is really short) and obviously clubs etc are closed and meeting others not an option.
I've however never been monogamous or faithful in my entire life... till now.... maybe I hit my head harder than I thought recently  |
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My husband is my home. He's my best friend and the sex can be amazing. It can also be very boring after 19 years together. There's not many secrets and there's no need to try, which is both beautiful and... boring. We have been both open and closed, I like the freedom and excitement of the possibilities but it has to be the right timing. I don't believe we were made to be monogamous and there's a whole rant there about the patriarchy that I will spare you.
I think it has its place but I also know that whether or not either of us chooses to play elsewhere the possibility makes life much more exciting.
That was a whole lot of possibilities in one post, sorry! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Female here. I don't need variety, i have the best guy at home. But I like multiple sensations so need other people to play with us to get that. Not the same just with toys, don't get the same naughty feeling either. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't believe we were meant to be monogamous or should be , it's an out of date concept.
I love my partner but we both enjoy different things when it comes to sex and think it's unfair to both parties not to enjoy something that brings a lot of pleasure. |
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"My husband is my home. He's my best friend and the sex can be amazing. It can also be very boring after 19 years together. There's not many secrets and there's no need to try, which is both beautiful and... boring. We have been both open and closed, I like the freedom and excitement of the possibilities but it has to be the right timing. I don't believe we were made to be monogamous and there's a whole rant there about the patriarchy that I will spare you.
I think it has its place but I also know that whether or not either of us chooses to play elsewhere the possibility makes life much more exciting.
That was a whole lot of possibilities in one post, sorry! "
That's similar to our view  |
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"Female here. I don't need variety, i have the best guy at home. But I like multiple sensations so need other people to play with us to get that. Not the same just with toys, don't get the same naughty feeling either."
This as well |
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"
This is because I get bored of sex with the same person all the time"
After 3 years on Fab you're the first we've ever seen admit this! This is what we suspect with a lot of people on Fab too. After over 25 years together we are literally still at it like rabbits. We make an effort and have lots of variety, and can happily be monogamous. We're here for different reasons to most, girl on girl and group fun, not just partner swapping. Great pics by the way  |
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"
This is because I get bored of sex with the same person all the time
After 3 years on Fab you're the first we've ever seen admit this! This is what we suspect with a lot of people on Fab too. After over 25 years together we are literally still at it like rabbits. We make an effort and have lots of variety, and can happily be monogamous. We're here for different reasons to most, girl on girl and group fun, not just partner swapping. Great pics by the way "
Hubby new I was Bi from the day he met me... for the last 19 years we have enjoyed what we wanted together when we want to.. it’s kept the marriage healthy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm pretty happy with the concept of serial monogamy
I don't think I'd be able to build any kind of meaningful relationship with more than 1 person at a time |
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I can certainly imagine being monogamous with Hannah for the rest of my life. She is everything I need sexually. I feel very satisfied sexually and I don't see that ending any time soon.
The only reason we indulge with others is because it is enjoyable, not because we need it. We still have attraction to other people because that's just being human. The ability to act on that is a very loving and accepting. We can share such experiences together and it bring us closer, so even having sex with other people is about having sex with each other. Luke |
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I think monogamy is getting out of date. I think swinging is a growing lifestyle that will find acceptance in the future but still frowned upon at the moment by the majority.
I think being a swinger is a bit like being gay was 20 years ago. People know it happens but it is not accepted in polite society. I hope the change will be swift! |
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After nearly 40 years together and 18 of those swinging as a couple and separately we know that monogamy is not something we want in our lives. We love each other and play with each other constantly but enjoy the touch of others. I have great sex with hubby but the best sex I have had in recent years has been with others. I enjoy a quick play in a club but more so I enjoy a longer term sexual relationship with a lover who I can let myself go completely with; not always easy to find believe it or not but magical when it happens. My marriage is sacred to me but we are both comfortable being sexually non monogamous. A loving husband and a regular lover gives me a perfect combination of sexual fulfilment.
Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm not sure to be honest, it's not natural. Historic control over women? Society birth control? I'm not sure tbh. But know I've started this lifestyle I couldn't go back. Like you Ivy I love a lot of variety xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think monogamy is getting out of date. I think swinging is a growing lifestyle that will find acceptance in the future but still frowned upon at the moment by the majority.
I think being a swinger is a bit like being gay was 20 years ago. People know it happens but it is not accepted in polite society. I hope the change will be swift!"
What about when a couple want to start a family...how do you envisage that happening outwith a monogamous relationship? |
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When I married my first husband I had the though "surely this can't be the only person I'll ever have sex with again?" It was unimaginable.I stayed faithful for 16yrs. It wasn't a great marriage. In fact it was bloody awful but faithful I stayed unlike him.
This marriage to MrKC is so different from every angle. I asked myself the same question - and my own answer was yes. Yes he could be the only man.
And I think there is the difference - our relationship is built on truth & honesty. We both want each other to be who we are, enjoy & explore- it doesn't mean we've become less to each other over the past 20yrs but more. We accept that sex with others is sex - it's a need that we can fulfil with others to enhance ours.
It wouldn't work if we didn't have the same mindset - all I can say is thank goodness we found each other. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I could definitely be monogamous with my husband, the main reason I swing is for his benefit since he likes to hear the details. While it's fun for me, I could take or leave it.
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I confess I am still utterly in love with my wife of nearly 13 years but acknowledge that monogamy is something I would struggle with.
My other half has admitted that although she would be utterly loyal she has always had really powerful fantasies of sex with strangers, groups etc.
So the swinging involvement works for us both. Early on we agreed that our rules were that we could both enjoy whatever we want, with whoever. As long as it was in the same room.
In other words no sneaking around behind the others back.
So for us it has worked perfectly. |
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For us sex is at two levels.
Level one is a straight forward physical expression of our love for each other and at this level there is no ivolvement with anyone else. It is a totally closed shop.
Level two can involve exactly the same physical actions and involve other people but the mental intent is entirely different. It is straight forward physical pleasure. Even at the point of orgasm the feelings are entirely different.
We have discussed this quite openly and we both feel exactly the same |
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"I confess I am still utterly in love with my wife of nearly 13 years but acknowledge that monogamy is something I would struggle with.
My other half has admitted that although she would be utterly loyal she has always had really powerful fantasies of sex with strangers, groups etc.
So the swinging involvement works for us both. Early on we agreed that our rules were that we could both enjoy whatever we want, with whoever. As long as it was in the same room.
In other words no sneaking around behind the others back.
So for us it has worked perfectly."
You have just saved me a lot of typing.
That is exactly how we think, although I do tend to let her wander off on her own sometimes when we are in a club. |
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We are a bit of a “niche market “ my partner and I so it’s a limited audience of whom we are attracted to and vice versa . We are monogamous to each other , we like that security that a relationship brings .. We enjoy socialising , meeting new friends open conversation with similar open minded folk . We love to dress up and show ourselves off enjoy the ambience of events and clubs , However Our own sexual connection is so deep and personal to us , it can be really difficult for others to get it , and what we are about .. and that works both ways too .
So monogamy it happily is , for us both ,
Who knows though what the future holds or what connections it may bring .
we have our lusts and desires the same as everyone else .. |
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My reasoning for swinging is not based on one thing but collective of thoughts and knowledge. I always enjoyed the variety of feelings and senses that friendships and sexual encounters bring into my life.
I never manage to have the buzz of everything that life gives to human beings from just one person and that won’t change. Eventhough I’m married , our lookout to marriage or to eachother is beyond traditions and norms that I can’t really put in words now.
I also don’t believe I can be romantically involved or emotionally attached more than one person in long term (looking into this quite scientifically) , hence the poly relationship are not for me regardless of how colourful it may sound.
On the other hand, I love the sense of communities, commune lifestyles, friendly, caring and fun attachments with people but also need my own space and time of my own therefore swinging is perfect fit for me when I find similar minds in this community.
I can carry on and on but don’t think it will make sense for some so don’t want to bore anyone further   |
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Really interesting question and one I find myself asking a lot of the time.
Half of me thinks it's because I love sex and variety and the freedom and openness that it can bring.
And the other half thinks that it will ease the heartache of putting all my eggs into one basket and getting lied to and cheated on |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Monogamy works fine for lots of people.
People who shag around with strangers will never understand that, same as monogamous people won't ever understand swinging. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Monogamy works fine for lots of people.
People who shag around with strangers will never understand that, same as monogamous people won't ever understand swinging. "
Put so beautifully there outsider 
I was just looking for other points of view  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Monogamy works fine for lots of people.
People who shag around with strangers will never understand that, same as monogamous people won't ever understand swinging.
Put so beautifully there outsider
I was just looking for other points of view "
I just meant the answers on here will be skewed as most people will see monogamy as a ridiculous idea that won't work. X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
This is because I get bored of sex with the same person all the time
After 3 years on Fab you're the first we've ever seen admit this! This is what we suspect with a lot of people on Fab too. After over 25 years together we are literally still at it like rabbits. We make an effort and have lots of variety, and can happily be monogamous. We're here for different reasons to most, girl on girl and group fun, not just partner swapping. Great pics by the way "
Wow really? Nobody has admitted to not being capable of monogomy?
I am amazed lol.
I don't see it as a bad thing to admit, atleast I am honest.
I don't cheat, never have.
I WAS monogomous before discovering this lifestyle but after the first 2 years I do tend to get bored of the same person sexually. Doesnt mean I didnt have sex with them...or cheat as I mentioned, it just means I like different people and variety.
My longest monomous relationship was an 8 year marriage. I went wild when we split lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I confess I am still utterly in love with my wife of nearly 13 years but acknowledge that monogamy is something I would struggle with.
My other half has admitted that although she would be utterly loyal she has always had really powerful fantasies of sex with strangers, groups etc.
So the swinging involvement works for us both. Early on we agreed that our rules were that we could both enjoy whatever we want, with whoever. As long as it was in the same room.
In other words no sneaking around behind the others back.
So for us it has worked perfectly."
This to me is a perfect setup and similar to my last relationship |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s only frowned upon by some. Others know variety is good. How many people eat the same food. Visit the same places, we don’t. We like different things. Why it has been driven into us that sex with others is only for singles, I dunno? Jealousy, religion? Insecurity? Lots of things maybe.
But those hippies back in the 60s were into something, they looked happy. |
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"I think monogamy is getting out of date. I think swinging is a growing lifestyle that will find acceptance in the future but still frowned upon at the moment by the majority.
I think being a swinger is a bit like being gay was 20 years ago. People know it happens but it is not accepted in polite society. I hope the change will be swift!
What about when a couple want to start a family...how do you envisage that happening outwith a monogamous relationship?"
We’ve got a child so it’s entirely possible to be non-monogamous and raise kids. Plenty of children are born and brought up by parents who aren’t in a monogamous relationship - single parents for example.
For me it would be nice to think of a time when we could have a profile on here with our real names and face pics and not feel any shame about it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think monogamy is getting out of date. I think swinging is a growing lifestyle that will find acceptance in the future but still frowned upon at the moment by the majority.
I think being a swinger is a bit like being gay was 20 years ago. People know it happens but it is not accepted in polite society. I hope the change will be swift!
What about when a couple want to start a family...how do you envisage that happening outwith a monogamous relationship?
We’ve got a child so it’s entirely possible to be non-monogamous and raise kids. Plenty of children are born and brought up by parents who aren’t in a monogamous relationship - single parents for example.
For me it would be nice to think of a time when we could have a profile on here with our real names and face pics and not feel any shame about it."
I guess I was probably thinking more about the decision to have a child within the dynamics of a poly relationship |
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"Been with my partner for 8 years and swinging for almost 2.
We are life partners and will get married and have children.
However, sex with others, that you connect with, is fun and exciting - if you're attracted to someone and get on well, if the moment takes you then why not?
Its how we see it and it works for us. It doesn't work for everyone. "
This is also us. We’ve been together 8 years and been swinging 8 years. Swinging is something we occasionally add into our marriage, it’s more a mutual adventure than non monogamy. |
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"I think monogamy is getting out of date. I think swinging is a growing lifestyle that will find acceptance in the future but still frowned upon at the moment by the majority.
I think being a swinger is a bit like being gay was 20 years ago. People know it happens but it is not accepted in polite society. I hope the change will be swift!
What about when a couple want to start a family...how do you envisage that happening outwith a monogamous relationship?
We’ve got a child so it’s entirely possible to be non-monogamous and raise kids. Plenty of children are born and brought up by parents who aren’t in a monogamous relationship - single parents for example.
For me it would be nice to think of a time when we could have a profile on here with our real names and face pics and not feel any shame about it.
I guess I was probably thinking more about the decision to have a child within the dynamics of a poly relationship "
As long as the child is loved and cared for then it’s not a problem. The issue would be lack of acceptance from everyone else eg family, school, neighbours. That would make it trickier. |
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I swing because I enjoy sex. Different partners and different situations just keep things spicy and interesting. Being in a sexless relationship with a woman that's lost her mojo is terrifying to me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Great question, and jealousy tears up relationships, when you think about it are non swingers really honest with their partners, when I see a hot guy or vice versa I know I can’t be the only one who just thinks they are good looking and moves on; I have a lot of other thoughts lol x |
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"I think monogamy is getting out of date. I think swinging is a growing lifestyle that will find acceptance in the future but still frowned upon at the moment by the majority.
I think being a swinger is a bit like being gay was 20 years ago. People know it happens but it is not accepted in polite society. I hope the change will be swift!
What about when a couple want to start a family...how do you envisage that happening outwith a monogamous relationship?
We’ve got a child so it’s entirely possible to be non-monogamous and raise kids. Plenty of children are born and brought up by parents who aren’t in a monogamous relationship - single parents for example.
For me it would be nice to think of a time when we could have a profile on here with our real names and face pics and not feel any shame about it.
I guess I was probably thinking more about the decision to have a child within the dynamics of a poly relationship "
Personally I don't want children so it's not an issue for me. I do know polyamorous folk with children though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I like variety, even in friendship. Even with life experiences. And sex is probably the same for me.
Sex with a loving partner is diferent to ‘swinging’
I can also understand the need for monogomy for some people. People like to feel special I suppose.
Just my opinions. No one is right or wrong, it’s feelings, we all feel different. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm with you, I don't believe in monogamy as a viable concept there is litterally nothing els in life that is held to the same level of restriction, can you imagine if you was only aloud to eat one food for the rest of your life, or one ware one outfit... Its stupid |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I could be monogamous with the right person. But I could also be happy in a relationship where we could both have recreational sex with others if we wanted. There would have to be a very clear line drawn that any interaction with anyone else would have to be purely sex though. I couldn’t be in a poly relationship. |
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We both love swinging but could both leave it tomorrow and not think about it again! For me it’s the sex that counts not the amount of people and despite some amazing experiences I still enjoy sex with him the most! X |
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