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By *urtleJR OP Couple
over a year ago
Ystradgynlais |
Not sure if this is the right place, but...
How do other people handle rejecting others when the topic of playing for a second time comes up? In particular, if you've played before but there was no spark or it didn't really hit the spot, so to speak?  |
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"Not sure if this is the right place, but...
How do other people handle rejecting others when the topic of playing for a second time comes up? In particular, if you've played before but there was no spark or it didn't really hit the spot, so to speak? "
May be best to just be honest with them, maybe they'll accept it and still be friends or maybe they won't but at least they know fully where you both stand. |
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In my opinion three options;
Ghost them.
Be honest with them.
Or make up an excuse why you can’t meet (basically lie to them).
I think the third option is the most popular (certainly for me  )
Good luck with however you decide to act  |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"In my opinion three options;
Ghost them.
Be honest with them.
Or make up an excuse why you can’t meet (basically lie to them).
I think the third option is the most popular (certainly for me )
Good luck with however you decide to act "
Ghosting seems to be quite popular too.
Its hard to reject people, as we are afraid of hurting feelings. However, being up front with them may be easier in the long run but could result in some abuse if they take it badly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Honesty is best. I've found putting them off with excuses makes things worse. They can keep asking and asking and asking then it gets awkward.
I would rather someone was honest with me if the shoe was on the other foot. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've never been in thus situation, but if I were I'd just be honest and explain that I didn't feel the chemistry was right (or something along those lines) and say I'd prefer not to meet again in a sexual capacity (but add that I'd like to keep in touch- if that were the case). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've never been in thus situation, but if I were I'd just be honest and explain that I didn't feel the chemistry was right (or something along those lines) and say I'd prefer not to meet again in a sexual capacity (but add that I'd like to keep in touch- if that were the case). "
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By *renzMan
over a year ago
Between Chichester and Havant |
It's only happened to me a couple of times and I must admit I just kept making excuses not to see them again. There were plenty of reasons I could have given not to see them again, but didn't want to hurt their feelings, especially as they were quite a nice person, generally. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Generally people go quiet if they don't want to meet a cpl second time.
You can hint subtly in your messages if they show interest again. Once you stop replying to their messages, they will realise it .
It happens that people experience horrible meets or they don't enjoy it .
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I haven't been rejected like this, yet. Wouldn't bother me if they said it wasnt right for them, it is what it is, cant be a perfect for for everyone.
I have rejected someone though and got a tirade of abuse for it, seems it's ok for women to reject men but when men do it to women it's not ok  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not sure if this is the right place, but...
How do other people handle rejecting others when the topic of playing for a second time comes up? In particular, if you've played before but there was no spark or it didn't really hit the spot, so to speak? "
I like the preson to be honest with me. I find much better to deal with. Ghosting just makes thing weird if you run into them outside. |
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By *urtleJR OP Couple
over a year ago
Ystradgynlais |
Thank you all for the responses. Some interesting examples in the reading.
Honesty seems to be the popular choice here - which of course, makes sense. I'll admit, doesn't make it easier and I feel awful telling someone that we'd rather not play again because we didn't enjoy it or whatever.
But excuses seem unfair. Ghosting is just mean, in our opinion, so not an option.
Thanks again! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Would rather people just be upfront about it
Like ooo was a good night but just not my thing that way
Then I can say to my self it was what it was
Ghosting or make up things make me feel like I was used and they got what they wanted and that’s it |
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“Hi. Thanks for asking about meeting up again. It was lovely to meet you the first time - you made me so welcome and put me at ease. However, I’m going to say no to meeting again. For me the sexual spark just wasn’t quite there. It happens sometimes for me, the spark just isn’t there, even with the nicest of people. So I’d like to thank you for meeting me and wish you all the best in the future”. |
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By *lex46TV/TS
over a year ago
Near Wells |
I'm a coward, I usually make excuses why I can meet again. If they persist I block them.
Sometimes the reason for not meeting is an insult ie, not clean, not a nice personality or even just couldn't get an erection. If you say you don't want to meet again, you get asked "why not"? So you be nice and lie or be horrible.
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By *reasyMan
over a year ago
Caerphilly |
As I look at if I’d be happy to be told it as it is, if it wasn’t as enjoyable for you as you expected any true swinger would accept it (in my opinion)
A polite refusal I think should never offend, if you get an abusive or negative reply it tells you the right decision was made.
Just my thoughts and opinions  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In my opinion three options;
Ghost them.
Be honest with them.
Or make up an excuse why you can’t meet (basically lie to them).
I think the third option is the most popular (certainly for me )
Good luck with however you decide to act
Ghosting seems to be quite popular too.
Its hard to reject people, as we are afraid of hurting feelings. However, being up front with them may be easier in the long run but could result in some abuse if they take it badly."
I would rather be told I'm not for them even if we played in the past. I have lots of friends on the scene and it works both ways for us single guys too. Better than pussy footing about . I'm still good friends with people I've played with in the past . Friend zoning is a good word to use and let's them down gently or simply saying sorry we have lost momentum. I've had that used on me in the past and it didn't upset me
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By *rad670Man
over a year ago
South Lakes |
I would much rather have the honest truth but kindly rather than being brutal unless it is desrved for a line you overstepped for instance. Ghosting or contunually making excuses would waste everyones time and it's better to hurt someones feelings once than drag it on and continually hurt them. |
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"It's time for the excuses to come out or block them, and to be fussier about who you meet. Many people don't take rejection very well unfortunately. Good luck "
Sometimes it’s not that you weren’t fussy enough, sometimes it’s simply that once you get them in bed you realise you’re totally incompatible. Unfortunately no amount of chatting or socials can predict that. |
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I just tell them I don’t want to see them again, I don’t tell them why unless they push for a reason because there’s nothing to be gained from telling someone how bad they are in bed. It’s only happened twice, but both times I ended up having to block them because they kept bothering me and trying to change my mind. So if I’m unlucky enough to have a similar situation in future, I’ll tell them no then block them anyway. I wouldn’t have any interest in staying friends with someone I wasn’t willing to meet again, because on here people assume if you’re talking to them you’ll fuck them. |
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Honesty is best. I’ve found making up excuses does not work, even in general life!
Tell them why but don’t be harsh.
Last thing you want is people pestering you for more meets when you don’t want it.
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"Honesty is best. I’ve found making up excuses does not work, even in general life!
Tell them why but don’t be harsh.
Last thing you want is people pestering you for more meets when you don’t want it.
"
A clear no Thankyou we find works, one fella pestered several times even asked if a blow job would help... sorry not my type had to be used |
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I wouldn't like them to have false hope or continue to expect anything so I would just gently tell them I'm not interested in revisiting that experience. 