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Dommes and Subs
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"Are there any genuine dommes or subs on here? It’s hard to find them.
And you? What are you??
I’m a switch I’ve done both roles in the past. Happy in either as long as roles taken seriously "
And if you could do one right now what would it be? X |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Haha nice try. As it says they are for friends lol
Not a sub today then? Not even on me or two?"
I don’t like this. In my mind identifying as a submissive does not mean being submissive to everyone that comes along and makes demands of you.
Being a dominant person should mean you also understand and appreciate the following:
You may be sub but you are not my sub;
I may be Dom(me) but I am not your Dom(me).
But each to their own. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Haha nice try. As it says they are for friends lol
Not a sub today then? Not even on me or two?
I don’t like this. In my mind identifying as a submissive does not mean being submissive to everyone that comes along and makes demands of you.
Being a dominant person should mean you also understand and appreciate the following:
You may be sub but you are not my sub;
I may be Dom(me) but I am not your Dom(me).
But each to their own."
This .... |
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"Haha nice try. As it says they are for friends lol
Not a sub today then? Not even on me or two?
I don’t like this. In my mind identifying as a submissive does not mean being submissive to everyone that comes along and makes demands of you.
Being a dominant person should mean you also understand and appreciate the following:
You may be sub but you are not my sub;
I may be Dom(me) but I am not your Dom(me).
But each to their own."
Agreed. There's those that are and understand and those that don't that act like tbis |
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By *inranWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"Haha nice try. As it says they are for friends lol
Not a sub today then? Not even on me or two?
I don’t like this. In my mind identifying as a submissive does not mean being submissive to everyone that comes along and makes demands of you.
Being a dominant person should mean you also understand and appreciate the following:
You may be sub but you are not my sub;
I may be Dom(me) but I am not your Dom(me).
But each to their own."
I absolutely agree with this. Intact I won't play with anyone that comes in with the I'm sub so I'll play with anyone and that includes you despite knowing nothing about if you a a good Domme or even safe.
I know we can only explore something real and deep that way (in my personal opinion)
But yes Domme here. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Question for you OP - how do you define "genuine" when it comes to a dominant or a submissive?
Surely one person's version of "genuine" may differ wildly from another's? Doesn't make either of them less "genuine", just they have different definitions and dynamics and aren't compatible.
The key to discovering what you call "genuine" is actually finding someone of a like mind and with similar definitions to yourself - nothing at all to do with being "genuine" or not.
Yes there are those out there, on both sides of the coin, who have very different ideas to what it means and some of them quite dangerous - but that's totally different from being "genuine". |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There are "genuine" and lovely Dommes and submissive on here  I've had the pleasure to chat with several and meet some too
Like always it depends on how you want to define "genuine" really
Happy fabbing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Haha nice try. As it says they are for friends lol
Not a sub today then? Not even on me or two?
I don’t like this. In my mind identifying as a submissive does not mean being submissive to everyone that comes along and makes demands of you.
Being a dominant person should mean you also understand and appreciate the following:
You may be sub but you are not my sub;
I may be Dom(me) but I am not your Dom(me).
But each to their own.
I absolutely agree with this. Intact I won't play with anyone that comes in with the I'm sub so I'll play with anyone and that includes you despite knowing nothing about if you a a good Domme or even safe.
I know we can only explore something real and deep that way (in my personal opinion)
But yes Domme here."
|
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"Are there any genuine dommes or subs on here? It’s hard to find them. "
Well as it happens , that’s exactly the same question my partner and I asked each other when we met on this site nearly 2 years ago .. And as she is my Dominatrix and I her submissive whatever it is she wants to call me . Then yes , there must have been at least two ..
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
I have been thinking over this point of "genuine" "natural" and "real" for a while, and I would put it like this. Let's remove the fetish words "dom/me", "sub", "master" and "slaeve" and use "father".
What is a real or genuine father if you move beyond the contribution of genetic material. A stranger cannot call you up and say they are your father. It needs some regular beneficial interaction. If someone says they are a father you would expect not only a relationship with a child but a positive relationship.
In the past fathers were seen as providing the discipline and the child's role was to obey and not question. Whereas in modern parenting the father is meant to be a positive figure, providing emotional support looking out for a child's well being, and being a stable figure in the child's life. Discipline may be an one aspect but one of many. Also it is more than the father turning up at the weekend doing some fun things together and disappearing for a month.
But the thing is a good father does necessary have to be dominant, or controlling, it is about creating the right environment and relationship for the individual child. A father does not have to be rich, good looking or wear leather.
Everyone has their own view of what makes a genuine or natural father. But the fundamentals (putting aside love) is being trustworthy, being caring and creating the right relationship.
Similarly going back to fetish being a dominant is relationship based, anything else is role play or topping and bottoming.
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"I have been thinking over this point of "genuine" "natural" and "real" for a while, and I would put it like this. Let's remove the fetish words "dom/me", "sub", "master" and "slaeve" and use "father".
What is a real or genuine father if you move beyond the contribution of genetic material. A stranger cannot call you up and say they are your father. It needs some regular beneficial interaction. If someone says they are a father you would expect not only a relationship with a child but a positive relationship.
In the past fathers were seen as providing the discipline and the child's role was to obey and not question. Whereas in modern parenting the father is meant to be a positive figure, providing emotional support looking out for a child's well being, and being a stable figure in the child's life. Discipline may be an one aspect but one of many. Also it is more than the father turning up at the weekend doing some fun things together and disappearing for a month.
But the thing is a good father does necessary have to be dominant, or controlling, it is about creating the right environment and relationship for the individual child. A father does not have to be rich, good looking or wear leather.
Everyone has their own view of what makes a genuine or natural father. But the fundamentals (putting aside love) is being trustworthy, being caring and creating the right relationship.
Similarly going back to fetish being a dominant is relationship based, anything else is role play or topping and bottoming.
"
‘ In the past fathers were seen as providing the discipline and the child's role was to obey and not question. ‘
. In the community in which I grow up in it was the Mothers whom administered the majority of the discipline . Fathers just let us get on with it . Best night of the week when Mother went to bingo |
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I’m a bratty sub and like others have said I think it’s far more about the dynamic we build with each other rather than levels of extremity, one person’s hard limits are another person’s entry level - it’s all subjective! |
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"Haha nice try. As it says they are for friends lol
Not a sub today then? Not even on me or two?
I don’t like this. In my mind identifying as a submissive does not mean being submissive to everyone that comes along and makes demands of you.
Being a dominant person should mean you also understand and appreciate the following:
You may be sub but you are not my sub;
I may be Dom(me) but I am not your Dom(me).
But each to their own."
I felt the same. So not just you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
One of each here. But jenny only wants the bdsm side between us unless we meet a cpl with a domme lady, Then i might let her dominate jenny as us guys watch. But she does not really want another guy to dominate her unless with another cpl where the lady is sub and he is dom then we might just go with the flow  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m a sub! But not to anyone who proclaims to be a Dom. I’ve been called a fake, snowflake, allsorts because I don’t drop to my knees when told. It’s all about control of the mind for me, effort, commitment and communication is paramount before I release my submissive side x |
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"I’m a sub! But not to anyone who proclaims to be a Dom. I’ve been called a fake, snowflake, allsorts because I don’t drop to my knees when told. It’s all about control of the mind for me, effort, commitment and communication is paramount before I release my submissive side x"
That’s a good way to be. Being a sub doesn’t mean you just take orders. A Dom needs to earn submission |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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a lot of people in the bdsm scene are into it very hard core and are some of the intelligent people I've ever met.. quite capable of holding a conservation
d |
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By *inranWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"a lot of people in the bdsm scene are into it very hard core and are some of the intelligent people I've ever met.. quite capable of holding a conservation
d"
I absolutely agree with this. Some of my favourite kink friends happen to also be some of the most intelligent and interesting people I know |
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By *napppaMan
over a year ago
London |
"a lot of people in the bdsm scene are into it very hard core and are some of the intelligent people I've ever met.. quite capable of holding a conservation
d
I absolutely agree with this. Some of my favourite kink friends happen to also be some of the most intelligent and interesting people I know"
Ditto, so true. |
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We are a dominant couple, which makes for an intense dynamic. Only sexual with women, but have played with the odd sissy pain slut
We were quite active in the Blue Door, but will need to get back into the swing after covid |
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By *roticusCouple
over a year ago
Porthmadog |
We are an experienced and adventurous Ds couple (or more accurately Ms); Ross is 110% dom and Lucy is a collared and totally obedient submissive. For us, it's the core of our relationship and it works really well for us. We're always happy to introduce other couples and single women to a very satisfying lifestyle. |
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"Love the whole BDSM lifestyle and started as a Dom but evolved to a Switch and I think that when I'm submitting to a Dom my experience beimg dom has made me a better sub. And vica versa"
I very much agree. I started dom but subbing improved my dom side |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Are there any genuine dommes or subs on here? It’s hard to find them. "
I'm a domme. There are a few on here. You might want to try one of the BDSM sites more something more specific. |
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"Are there any genuine dommes or subs on here? It’s hard to find them.
I'm a domme. There are a few on here. You might want to try one of the BDSM sites more something more specific."
Just had a look at your profile. I own the same dildo gag |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Looking for a sub,new to this so looking for someone to learn with.Have joined Fet so hopefully meet someone."
Your best chance of meeting people is to go go socials, go to kink and cross over events when they are back on.
Most subs will want to get to know you as an actual person and not do online only. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m a sub, but only to my owner. Never been a sub for anyone else, was always Domme, so I would say I’m a switch, as I still Domme women, I don’t meet men.
I never had any desire to be submissive to anyone, but that changed when I met Inked. We built up the trust and I happily became his sub. I consider myself to be a very lucky lady, as he understands my needs and my mind, he tapped into something within me, nurtures me, and I feel completely safe in his hands x Viv xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Love the whole BDSM lifestyle and started as a Dom but evolved to a Switch and I think that when I'm submitting to a Dom my experience beimg dom has made me a better sub. And vica versa"
I was a sub first before wanting to take on the dom role. It dwffo makes you more understanding of the submissives side during play. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’m a sub, but only to my owner. Never been a sub for anyone else, was always Domme, so I would say I’m a switch, as I still Domme women, I don’t meet men.
I never had any desire to be submissive to anyone, but that changed when I met Inked. We built up the trust and I happily became his sub. I consider myself to be a very lucky lady, as he understands my needs and my mind, he tapped into something within me, nurtures me, and I feel completely safe in his hands x Viv xx"
Thats the way it should be viv. Same as jenny does not want another male dom but loves being dominated by a domme woman. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m sure there are too but very hard to find them lol"
Its always hard finding local compatible play mates. I struggle finding pro subbies in the local area for when I just want to try something out 
But over my time I have meet the most amazing play mates and I'm really glad of that.
Being active in the forums is a good way of driving interest to your profile and hopefully that'll be the start of something |
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"Its always hard finding local compatible play mates. I struggle finding pro subbies in the local area for when I just want to try something out
But over my time I have meet the most amazing play mates and I'm really glad of that.
Being active in the forums is a good way of driving interest to your profile and hopefully that'll be the start of something "
Thanks for the advice. I’ll stay on the forums and you never know lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Its always hard finding local compatible play mates. I struggle finding pro subbies in the local area for when I just want to try something out
But over my time I have meet the most amazing play mates and I'm really glad of that.
Being active in the forums is a good way of driving interest to your profile and hopefully that'll be the start of something
Thanks for the advice. I’ll stay on the forums and you never know lol "
Exactly, trust me, I've had more conversations etc etc since being active in the forums than I had previously. Some are going somewhere, others have been fun chats. The key thing is, it only takes one chat to fire that spark |
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"There bound to be local people, I know Hornchurch well grew up just down the road.
I know there's a few dogging spots not far away
In better times lol"
If you know any Hornchurch ladies feel free to send them my way lol |
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By *otrockWoman
over a year ago
Essex |
I'm a sub, it's the only "role" I've ever been good at and truly happy with.
But finding the right dom on here seems near on impossible, all the best ones seem to be taken and the ones that aren't think it's all about spanking hard and having me gag on there cock...
I've given up trying to find my dom after 4 years of looking. X
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm a sub, it's the only "role" I've ever been good at and truly happy with.
But finding the right dom on here seems near on impossible, all the best ones seem to be taken and the ones that aren't think it's all about spanking hard and having me gag on there cock...
I've given up trying to find my dom after 4 years of looking. X
"
50 shades has rather a lot to answer for |
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By *otrockWoman
over a year ago
Essex |
"I'm a sub, it's the only "role" I've ever been good at and truly happy with.
But finding the right dom on here seems near on impossible, all the best ones seem to be taken and the ones that aren't think it's all about spanking hard and having me gag on there cock...
I've given up trying to find my dom after 4 years of looking. X
50 shades has rather a lot to answer for "
It definitely does.. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"50 shades has rather a lot to answer for
It really does. Not only does it create fake doms but those fake doms ruin good subs. "
I've worked with the director of the first film several times, she was loveky and I think had a really good understanding of kink, however the author seemed less keen on directorial input mores the pity.
But hey what are you going to do |
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"Haha nice try. As it says they are for friends lol
Not a sub today then? Not even on me or two?
I don’t like this. In my mind identifying as a submissive does not mean being submissive to everyone that comes along and makes demands of you.
Being a dominant person should mean you also understand and appreciate the following:
You may be sub but you are not my sub;
I may be Dom(me) but I am not your Dom(me).
But each to their own."
I could not agree more. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Haha nice try. As it says they are for friends lol
Not a sub today then? Not even on me or two?
I don’t like this. In my mind identifying as a submissive does not mean being submissive to everyone that comes along and makes demands of you.
Being a dominant person should mean you also understand and appreciate the following:
You may be sub but you are not my sub;
I may be Dom(me) but I am not your Dom(me).
But each to their own."
Well said. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"I'm a sub, it's the only "role" I've ever been good at and truly happy with.
But finding the right dom on here seems near on impossible, all the best ones seem to be taken and the ones that aren't think it's all about spanking hard and having me gag on there cock...
I've given up trying to find my dom after 4 years of looking. X
"
If you haven’t already I would seek out local kink groups, munches and the like.
There are other web sites more suited to finding prospective kinky partners looking for LT dynamics.
I would never give up, but I also wouldn’t compromise your own needs, wants and desires just to fit in with an available person. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"50 shades has rather a lot to answer for
It really does. Not only does it create fake doms but those fake doms ruin good subs. "
Its not just the Dom(mes) that are responsible for “ruining” people.
While there is SSC and RACK, I prefer PRICK; Personal Responsibility in/informed Consensual Kink.
Everyone has a personal responsibility to educate themselves about the lifestyle, considering the potential it has for physical and mental harm.
Dominants should want to understand mundane things like medical history, medication, any physical impairments, triggers, limits etc. before finding out what size butt plug a sub can take.
Submissives should want to ensure Dominant play partners are not fixated on just the sex or play but on the mundane things also.
Sadly, erotica like 50 shades and its ilk, while brining kink into the mainstream, helps foster a romantic ideal of what kink is and how its all hot billionaires with red rooms, and there is little discomfort or pain.
If that is all you use as your entry point or education then you stand to be a risk to the people you play with regardless of their side of the /.
This is where you have a responsibility to educate your self, to learn more about what it is you want, to spot predators, pretenders, dangerous players etc.
But sadly, people will continue to jump in with both feet and my only hope is they do not become yet another consent violation statistic. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
There was a while back a Hornchurch munch, im guessing the London munch is still going in some form or another. There were lots floating around before lockdown and there is the LAM looking to do some open air shopping in April |
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By *oungJayyMan
over a year ago
Newcastle Upon Tyne |
Sub yes, there is loads on here including myself, not sure about Dommes but I feel that it's a major struggle to find them on here.
One because of pandemic and 2 because they're hard to find x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Because the person who was demanding profile picture, is clearly a bloke wanting to see images. I don't like that kind of dom/sub role.
If for real in the bedroom, there are many psychological ways one can obey. |
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"There was a while back a Hornchurch munch, im guessing the London munch is still going in some form or another. There were lots floating around before lockdown and there is the LAM looking to do some open air shopping in April "
Love to find some dommes local to hornchurch. Or even just 1 lol |
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"I'm a switch but would rely like to let my submissive side loose as it hasn't had chance to be out much
I know the feeling "
I admire your tenacity , you even started another thread ..
A couple of points if I may ..
Singular focused Dominant women , ie , Dominatrix , Domme , whatever title you want to go give . Generally don’t in my experience don’t like “ switches “ , One of Miss Ruth Deans first instructions was “ Don’t you fucking dare switch on me “ I never have and I never will .. Remember a man can do physical harm to a woman if he is not tied tightly enough and his” don’t want to submit now gene kicks in “ .. It does happen .. And don’t think for one minute your above it .. Because actually you never know until it happens ..
Now obviously you may not want to go that far down the road , and just want play , which is fine , in fact it’s great , Miss Ruth Dean and I still play .. We are not so serious even if our roles are clearly defined .. which ever route you take don’t look for a Dominatrix . Look for woman first , because that is what she will be first and foremost ..
Good luck in your endeavours |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"I’m sure they are here. But I for the life of me can’t find a local one lol"
As I often say, you can't go looking for a Domme, you find each other through mutual interaction that leads to doors being opened as you go |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Haha nice try. As it says they are for friends lol
Not a sub today then? Not even on me or two?
I don’t like this. In my mind identifying as a submissive does not mean being submissive to everyone that comes along and makes demands of you.
Being a dominant person should mean you also understand and appreciate the following:
You may be sub but you are not my sub;
I may be Dom(me) but I am not your Dom(me).
But each to their own."
Good advice,so true! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Haha nice try. As it says they are for friends lol
Not a sub today then? Not even on me or two?
I don’t like this. In my mind identifying as a submissive does not mean being submissive to everyone that comes along and makes demands of you.
Being a dominant person should mean you also understand and appreciate the following:
You may be sub but you are not my sub;
I may be Dom(me) but I am not your Dom(me).
But each to their own."
I agree. Consent and boundaries are the most important part of the D/s relationship, and shouldn’t be abused. |
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"Haha nice try. As it says they are for friends lol
Not a sub today then? Not even on me or two?
I don’t like this. In my mind identifying as a submissive does not mean being submissive to everyone that comes along and makes demands of you.
Being a dominant person should mean you also understand and appreciate the following:
You may be sub but you are not my sub;
I may be Dom(me) but I am not your Dom(me).
But each to their own."
Completely agree I am more dom and have had multiple subs before and wouldn't tell random people |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Sub to my Sir and love it.
Queen to my prince and although that's relatively new, I'm liking it so far.
I'm finding I can switch when I never thought I could. Watch this space huh? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Sub in waiting. Myself and my Mistress are ready to go, waiting for blasted Covid to go. Can't wait to lose my submissive virginity (and my anal virginity hehe). |
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By *nfin8yWoman
over a year ago
Newcastle-under-Lyme |
"50 shades has rather a lot to answer for
It really does. Not only does it create fake doms but those fake doms ruin good subs.
Its not just the Dom(mes) that are responsible for “ruining” people.
While there is SSC and RACK, I prefer PRICK; Personal Responsibility in/informed Consensual Kink.
Everyone has a personal responsibility to educate themselves about the lifestyle, considering the potential it has for physical and mental harm.
Dominants should want to understand mundane things like medical history, medication, any physical impairments, triggers, limits etc. before finding out what size butt plug a sub can take.
Submissives should want to ensure Dominant play partners are not fixated on just the sex or play but on the mundane things also.
Sadly, erotica like 50 shades and its ilk, while brining kink into the mainstream, helps foster a romantic ideal of what kink is and how its all hot billionaires with red rooms, and there is little discomfort or pain.
If that is all you use as your entry point or education then you stand to be a risk to the people you play with regardless of their side of the /.
This is where you have a responsibility to educate your self, to learn more about what it is you want, to spot predators, pretenders, dangerous players etc.
But sadly, people will continue to jump in with both feet and my only hope is they do not become yet another consent violation statistic. "
I agree with you completely. I have only ever participated in play in a club environment where I have learned much from others. I attend all the demos I can, ask questions and will experience most things myself before I will try them on someone else. I am honest about my level of knowledge and experience (or lack thereof) in any discussion with potential play partners. And I very much see the D/S relationship as a “partnership”. Communication, health, safety and consent are paramount. A Dom once said to me that you must never cause harm and I take that very seriously. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Nice to see some kink folk and dates for events emerging "
Looking forward to events starting up again
Roll on my second jab
Looking forward to a peer rope |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"50 shades has rather a lot to answer for
It really does. Not only does it create fake doms but those fake doms ruin good subs.
Its not just the Dom(mes) that are responsible for “ruining” people.
While there is SSC and RACK, I prefer PRICK; Personal Responsibility in/informed Consensual Kink.
Everyone has a personal responsibility to educate themselves about the lifestyle, considering the potential it has for physical and mental harm.
Dominants should want to understand mundane things like medical history, medication, any physical impairments, triggers, limits etc. before finding out what size butt plug a sub can take.
Submissives should want to ensure Dominant play partners are not fixated on just the sex or play but on the mundane things also.
Sadly, erotica like 50 shades and its ilk, while brining kink into the mainstream, helps foster a romantic ideal of what kink is and how its all hot billionaires with red rooms, and there is little discomfort or pain.
If that is all you use as your entry point or education then you stand to be a risk to the people you play with regardless of their side of the /.
This is where you have a responsibility to educate your self, to learn more about what it is you want, to spot predators, pretenders, dangerous players etc.
But sadly, people will continue to jump in with both feet and my only hope is they do not become yet another consent violation statistic.
I agree with you completely. I have only ever participated in play in a club environment where I have learned much from others. I attend all the demos I can, ask questions and will experience most things myself before I will try them on someone else. I am honest about my level of knowledge and experience (or lack thereof) in any discussion with potential play partners. And I very much see the D/S relationship as a “partnership”. Communication, health, safety and consent are paramount. A Dom once said to me that you must never cause harm and I take that very seriously. "
Not causing harm is paramount. But there are some dangerous people out there acting as dominants. |
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