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swinging with friends
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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ok, so my wife thinks that swinging with friends is a bad idea, I haven't made my mind up about it yet as we have never done it but what are your views?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have folk who I have become friends with though swinging. But I wouldnt approach friends I already have, who arent. Wouldnt want to jepodise wht I have with them. My view is that i want both type of friends. Those that do and those that dont. |
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Depends on the relationship you have with the friends, do they already know your swingers? If they do and they haven't gone berserk then it might just work. Next time your all together and they're trying to prize all the gory details from you about your exploits, turn it back on them and say "your very interested in what we get upto, are you trying to tell us something?"
Then take it from there.
If they don't know anything of your hobby, just bring it into the conversation gently when you've been out for a drink, you don't have to admit anything upfront and therefore you don't get embarrassed if they condemn the idea out of hand.
Have fun and if it feels good, do it!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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our close friends know, in fact one couple we know, the female has been all over me (m) since she found out. my wife doesn't like it though that's why she says no friends.
they were all really cool about it when we told them, do your friends know? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We wouldn't even dream of involving vanilla friends - if they are up for it after a few drinks , the next mowning they may regret it and it's goodbye friendship !
There are so many on here to play with so why involve friends in vanilla life ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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So if a bunch of strangers on the net say it's a good idea you will tell her she's wrong?
To be honest, with what you've said about the friend the cynic in me can't help but think that this is about you wanting to shag her? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"our close friends know, in fact one couple we know, the female has been all over me (m) since she found out. my wife doesn't like it though that's why she says no friends. "
I agree with your wife. If they're friends first and now this other female has been all over you, then she's every right to be pissed off. This other woman is seeing it as a green light to make a move on her mate's fella and that's out of order.
I have friends that I swing with, I've met them through this lifestyle. But swinging with friends you've met elsewhere, you're playing with fire. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So if a bunch of strangers on the net say it's a good idea you will tell her she's wrong?
To be honest, with what you've said about the friend the cynic in me can't help but think that this is about you wanting to shag her?"
Amen to that!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"our close friends know, in fact one couple we know, the female has been all over me (m) since she found out. my wife doesn't like it though that's why she says no friends.
I agree with your wife. If they're friends first and now this other female has been all over you, then she's every right to be pissed off. This other woman is seeing it as a green light to make a move on her mate's fella and that's out of order.
I have friends that I swing with, I've met them through this lifestyle. But swinging with friends you've met elsewhere, you're playing with fire. "
 totally agree. I would be pissed off with the friend too !! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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no not at all, I think that's a little judgemental. I am happy not to play with friends, like someone else said could cause serious complications, just wanted to know what others thought about it. oh and lighten up a little will ya |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not being judgemental I just know how women's minds work (being a woman  ) and I think that swingers think differently to those that don't swing. We can fuck & forget...no feelings involved, so its all very relaxed. I answered your post though, swinging with friends is playing with fire. |
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For myself it can work with good friends. After my divorce started going out with a friend few drinks in town, to bring me out of my shell and to get me out more. Then odd times would go back to her's carry on drinkin and her fella offen would join us. would be a case of odd flirting, cheeky comments or putting on a sexy dance for the guy. After 2 months of this, it went to the other level, wasn't planned just kind of flowed into it. Me and her talked about it afterwards as her fella would do odd jobs about my house and i didn't want her thinking other things might be going on, because of the night before. But thankfully that was a 18 months ago and the friendship if anythink is even stronger
Even tho we have had "fun" since that night, it's not on the forefront of chats when we meet up, hardly comes up, which shows the friendship we have. Her fella still does odd jobs and hasn't tried it on once, just odd cheeky flirts.
When you know friends, over time you get a feeling how they might react over things. I know with some of my single fem friends it's easier to test the water after girly nites.
But in general it's somethink i don't really push, as real friends are hard to find and once you bring it up, you can't take it back.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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you are right Bifem, playing with fire. I did find it strange how our friends took the idea of us being swingers. they didn't even really bat an eyelid over it. maybe it is more of a common thing now, judging by the number of people on this site |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"For myself it can work with good friends. After my divorce started going out with a friend few drinks in town, to bring me out of my shell and to get me out more. Then odd times would go back to her's carry on drinkin and her fella offen would join us. would be a case of odd flirting, cheeky comments or putting on a sexy dance for the guy. After 2 months of this, it went to the other level, wasn't planned just kind of flowed into it. Me and her talked about it afterwards as her fella would do odd jobs about my house and i didn't want her thinking other things might be going on, because of the night before. But thankfully that was a 18 months ago and the friendship if anythink is even stronger
Even tho we have had "fun" since that night, it's not on the forefront of chats when we meet up, hardly comes up, which shows the friendship we have. Her fella still does odd jobs and hasn't tried it on once, just odd cheeky flirts.
When you know friends, over time you get a feeling how they might react over things. I know with some of my single fem friends it's easier to test the water after girly nites.
But in general it's somethink i don't really push, as real friends are hard to find and once you bring it up, you can't take it back.
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yes they are |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think its pretty common now yeah, but I don't think that everyone completely understands it. It's certainly not a green light to come on to whoever you like whenever you like. Especially when that person is in a couple. |
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My best friend is a swinger and when we first met we played (as a foursome) we became firm friends and have since found no desire to play as we've moved on and it would feel weird to us (much to the disappointment but acceptance of the partners lol)
It might happen again but it might not. |
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look at it this way.
if friends borrowing money can destroy relationships, what the hell do you think friends borrowing your OH would do??
its one thing to have friends from the scene, but quite another inviting pre-existing friends to join you.
afterall, you have a long standing relationship with them and it will NEVER be the same again, good or bad. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"look at it this way.
if friends borrowing money can destroy relationships, what the hell do you think friends borrowing your OH would do??
its one thing to have friends from the scene, but quite another inviting pre-existing friends to join you.
afterall, you have a long standing relationship with them and it will NEVER be the same again, good or bad."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have known my best friend for years and we can talk about anything. I told her I was swinging and going to clubs and took her and her partner along to Eurekas with me one night as they were curious. They now go more often than me and love the lifestyle..however me and my friend have agreed that we won't play together or swap playmates as we would hate for swinging to ever ruin our friendship or interfere with how open we are with eachother.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have known my best friend for years and we can talk about anything. I told her I was swinging and going to clubs and took her and her partner along to Eurekas with me one night as they were curious. They now go more often than me and love the lifestyle..however me and my friend have agreed that we won't play together or swap playmates as we would hate for swinging to ever ruin our friendship or interfere with how open we are with eachother.
"
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"no not at all, I think that's a little judgemental. I am happy not to play with friends, like someone else said could cause serious complications, just wanted to know what others thought about it. oh and lighten up a little will ya "
I'm with you, some have gone a little overboard, but It's the choice you have to make as a couple if the friends are showing obvious interest (both of them) and if you were both up for it then I fail to see what the problem is?
In real life friends come and go naturally, if your friends have a change of mind after being totally sure the previous day is not something you can predict. All things you have to think about when deciding whether to go for it or not surely.
Your choice, your life....... have fun.
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Not a good idea we think. One of Rosemary's non swinger friends broke up with her man and was complaining about her lack of sex so we suggested taking her to a club singles night. She was horrified and said to R "how can you do that with other men?"
By all means have swinging friends but kep your vanilla ones separate. |
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"ok, so my wife thinks that swinging with friends is a bad idea, I haven't made my mind up about it yet as we have never done it but what are your views? "
until we know we have vanilla friends who are swingers then not discussed..
do have a mutual vanilla friend with someone on here so in both our interests we keep a distance in the real world ..
but even if we learnt that a vanilla friend was a swinger we'd meet them ... the fella would still have to meet Sarah's high standards lol |
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"Not a good idea we think. One of Rosemary's non swinger friends broke up with her man and was complaining about her lack of sex so we suggested taking her to a club singles night. She was horrified and said to R "how can you do that with other men?"
By all means have swinging friends but kep your vanilla ones separate."
So you took her to a club as she was surprised at what was going on????
Of course you can keep swinging and vanilla life separate if you wish, but how do new people get started if they aren't introduced to the lifestyle by somebody or something. Clearly lots of talking is required so everybody understands what is about to happen ..... surely.
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"Not a good idea we think. One of Rosemary's non swinger friends broke up with her man and was complaining about her lack of sex so we suggested taking her to a club singles night. She was horrified and said to R "how can you do that with other men?"
By all means have swinging friends but kep your vanilla ones separate.
So you took her to a club as she was surprised at what was going on????
Of course you can keep swinging and vanilla life separate if you wish, but how do new people get started if they aren't introduced to the lifestyle by somebody or something. Clearly lots of talking is required so everybody understands what is about to happen ..... surely.
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they said they suggested, not took.
vanillas, i suppose, almost fall into it, i know we did. |
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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago
South West London / Surrey |
"I have folk who I have become friends with though swinging. But I wouldnt approach friends I already have, who arent. Wouldnt want to jepodise wht I have with them. My view is that i want both type of friends. Those that do and those that dont."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have folk who I have become friends with though swinging. But I wouldnt approach friends I already have, who arent. Wouldnt want to jepodise wht I have with them. My view is that i want both type of friends. Those that do and those that dont."
Totally agree |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have folk who I have become friends with though swinging. But I wouldnt approach friends I already have, who arent. Wouldnt want to jepodise wht I have with them. My view is that i want both type of friends. Those that do and those that dont.
Totally agree "
Me too |
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"I have folk who I have become friends with though swinging. But I wouldnt approach friends I already have, who arent. Wouldnt want to jepodise wht I have with them. My view is that i want both type of friends. Those that do and those that dont.
Totally agree
Me too "
If its ok to have good friends who you met through swinging; why can't you have good friends who you have introduced to swinging?
I'm not say 'converting' all your friends, just the occaisional one who have shown an interest. They may or may not know of your interest in swinging, similarly they might or might not be of interest to you (I mean you might not want to play with them)
We are after all adults who can handle this situation and can surely ask an interested friend/couple the relevant questions to make sure they know what they're doing before they jump.
Can't see why some people would completely rule out introducing vanilla friends to this hobby, its like saying its my toy and nobody else can play with it!
Just my opinion, for what its worth.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Swinging with pre-existing friends would be an absolute no-no for us. We have two separate friends (both female) who know what we do. We wouldn't have fun with the first as we have both known her since school (!!) and we not want to ruin the friendship. The other has a nutcase for a partner, and we would be opening a whole new can of worms if we had fun there - even though she is the one who wants to know more and more.
On the hand, we have met some great people through swinging who are becoming/have become good friends. It's really all about the shared experience which brought us together as friends in the first place.
With our old school friend, it was school which brought us all together - with our swinging friends, it was mutual enjoyment of sex. Simple as that..
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