FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Genuine question to single men
Genuine question to single men
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Right i'm really not sure how to start this so you'll have to bear with me here lol
Get a cuppa it could be a long un lol
Right now i'm a single women who meets single guys, i am to be honest the type of person who will talk to anyone, problem with me is shutting me up lol
If a guy messages me and i dont find him attractive or if im in a club and some guy chats to me and i have no intention of playing with him, i cant just ignor him, i have to message back or talk back, now this has caused me problems at time, beacuse i send messages back or stand and chat to guys in clubs, i suppose they think its the first step in the door, when its not, and i have been accused of being a time waster on here after messaging guys back several time and then said i dont want to meet, or in clubs after talking for half a hours saying "no thanks" when asked to go to a room, having guys say stuff like "well what have you been stood talking to me for?" etc, now i can not and do not want to be the type of person who only talks to people i fancy, manners cost nothing and i hate rudness, but in all honestly and heres where my question comes in.....would single guys sooner women do that? if you sent me a message and i did not want to meet you would you sooner me ignor you, if you saw me in a club and came and said hi and i didnt want to play would you sooner me just walk away?
i have many times when getting messages on here from guys ive not want to meet said, sorry your not my type but happy to chat, problem is with a lot of guys i have said that to they think cause we have chatted for a while i will change my mind about meeting and when i dont they get a bit huffy with me, so is that the wrong thing to do too?
Im sort of torn between what i feel i should do and what i want to do, i really dont want to be the type of person who only talks to potential shags lol but then i dont want to feel im leading anyone on either 
Any advice would be received gratefully  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Right i'm really not sure how to start this so you'll have to bear with me here lol
Get a cuppa it could be a long un lol
Right now i'm a single women who meets single guys, i am to be honest the type of person who will talk to anyone, problem with me is shutting me up lol
If a guy messages me and i dont find him attractive or if im in a club and some guy chats to me and i have no intention of playing with him, i cant just ignor him, i have to message back or talk back, now this has caused me problems at time, beacuse i send messages back or stand and chat to guys in clubs, i suppose they think its the first step in the door, when its not, and i have been accused of being a time waster on here after messaging guys back several time and then said i dont want to meet, or in clubs after talking for half a hours saying "no thanks" when asked to go to a room, having guys say stuff like "well what have you been stood talking to me for?" etc, now i can not and do not want to be the type of person who only talks to people i fancy, manners cost nothing and i hate rudness, but in all honestly and heres where my question comes in.....would single guys sooner women do that? if you sent me a message and i did not want to meet you would you sooner me ignor you, if you saw me in a club and came and said hi and i didnt want to play would you sooner me just walk away?
i have many times when getting messages on here from guys ive not want to meet said, sorry your not my type but happy to chat, problem is with a lot of guys i have said that to they think cause we have chatted for a while i will change my mind about meeting and when i dont they get a bit huffy with me, so is that the wrong thing to do too?
Im sort of torn between what i feel i should do and what i want to do, i really dont want to be the type of person who only talks to potential shags lol but then i dont want to feel im leading anyone on either
Any advice would be received gratefully "
I can't see anything wrong in saying "your not my type but happy to chat" but some of the planks on here will see it as a glimmer of hope, I would just say "sorry not interested" and move on.
You must have friends who chat to you already ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well just carry on with what your doing i say.If i'm chatting to a single fem at chams you can usually tell by body language etc if its gonna go anywhere even before asking,i do still sometimes still ask just in case my radar is malfunctioning but if its a polite no thanks then its still all good.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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hey there, you sound very honest and friendly to me... i have been in a club before and finally got the guts to go talk to a sexy chick and she walked away! much rather she chatted for abit then said no thanks.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Right i'm really not sure how to start this so you'll have to bear with me here lol
Get a cuppa it could be a long un lol
Right now i'm a single women who meets single guys, i am to be honest the type of person who will talk to anyone, problem with me is shutting me up lol
If a guy messages me and i dont find him attractive or if im in a club and some guy chats to me and i have no intention of playing with him, i cant just ignor him, i have to message back or talk back, now this has caused me problems at time, beacuse i send messages back or stand and chat to guys in clubs, i suppose they think its the first step in the door, when its not, and i have been accused of being a time waster on here after messaging guys back several time and then said i dont want to meet, or in clubs after talking for half a hours saying "no thanks" when asked to go to a room, having guys say stuff like "well what have you been stood talking to me for?" etc, now i can not and do not want to be the type of person who only talks to people i fancy, manners cost nothing and i hate rudness, but in all honestly and heres where my question comes in.....would single guys sooner women do that? if you sent me a message and i did not want to meet you would you sooner me ignor you, if you saw me in a club and came and said hi and i didnt want to play would you sooner me just walk away?
i have many times when getting messages on here from guys ive not want to meet said, sorry your not my type but happy to chat, problem is with a lot of guys i have said that to they think cause we have chatted for a while i will change my mind about meeting and when i dont they get a bit huffy with me, so is that the wrong thing to do too?
Im sort of torn between what i feel i should do and what i want to do, i really dont want to be the type of person who only talks to potential shags lol but then i dont want to feel im leading anyone on either
Any advice would be received gratefully "
The most logical thing to do, if you wish to avoid this sort of thing, is simply state in your first response 'Hello {name} would love to chat to you but you are not my type sexually hope that is ok?'. If they no longer respond or respond negatively you know how things are 
This doesn't apply for night club / real life stuff though- body language is generally sufficient for that. Some men choose to disregard body language anyway so you may have to spell it out for them lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think Mr O's reply is absolutely spot on.
When I've seen you on Chat you always come over as a very friendly person. So realistically you'd have a hard job changing that and being someone who then blanks people and was rude.
So I'd be upfront about it and use the suggestion Mr O has put up. That way people who want to chat know where they stand, people just up for sex will most likely wander off and try elsewhere and you'll not feel awkward.
It might be difficult to do the first few times as you have got to "let someone down gently" but if you dont you'll know that sooner or later the moment will arrive when you have to say no anyway.
Get it over with quickly if there is no attraction and you'll feel better I think and no-one can complain. And if they do nuts to em anyway!
Dont change yourself though as you always come over as thoughtful and a nice person. That doesnt have to change. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I can't see anything wrong in saying "your not my type but happy to chat" but some of the planks on here will see it as a glimmer of hope, I would just say "sorry not interested" and move on.
You must have friends who chat to you already ? "
you can never have to many friends |
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By *ouvakMan
over a year ago
clacton on sea |
"I can't see anything wrong in saying "your not my type but happy to chat" but some of the planks on here will see it as a glimmer of hope, I would just say "sorry not interested" and move on.
You must have friends who chat to you already ?
you can never have to many friends"
here here all the beter for orginising orgies with too lol |
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By *eanieMan
over a year ago
Worcester |
I don't mind not getting a reply online as then you know where you stand. You can always check sent messages to see if it's been read or not.
I think there is an assumption with some people that if you are in a swingers club you will sleep with anyone. No is still no and if they can't accept that than they're very naive! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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your doing nothing wrong ,you should be able to chat with whoever you like without any assumptions,the men who harass should be excluded from swinging whenever possible, |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think its great that you chat to everyone, if you do find that they get huffy with you then thats the time to ignore them or use the block button lol You've been polite and gone above and beyond what most people do so you should expect to be treated with respect. |
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I agree with all of the above . Single guys cant have it both ways . Those that complain when they dont get a response to messages or when making contact face to face , cant then have a problem when they do get a response even when that response doesnt always ultimately lead to some playtime . I say keep on doing what you do , we need more courtesy in this lifestyle not less . men can always accespt a polite refusal , Boys will always throw their toys out the pram . x |
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I chat and message with ppl all the time who have told me I'm not their type. Either cos I,m bi or too old ect. I never take offence. But we still talk. The onus is on the guy/lady who's been refused to either handle rejection or walk away. Dont change for anyone! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have had similiar issues with people not handling rejection well, and have been branded as a timewaster as I refused to cam/phone/chat with them after exchanging a few messages.
Not just from single gents, but also from the gents of couples.
No means no in my book. And if I do not sense there is going to be any spark between me and a gent, then I would inform them straight away.
If they persist with messaging me, then they get blocked for certain!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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So the message sent out by SOME single guys is.
Dont talk unless you wanna fuck ....
Im like the OP and do chat and am a bit of a tease re forums But that dont mean i wanna shag them all.
Whats wrong with friendship ?
In this lifestyle you will find out that friendship goes a long way.
The more mates a single guy has the better so pleeze dont think otherwise.
More mates means more people you meet, socials and parties etc.
Cant do that if you have no friends can you.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So the message sent out by SOME single guys is.
Dont talk unless you wanna fuck ....
Im like the OP and do chat and am a bit of a tease re forums But that dont mean i wanna shag them all.
Whats wrong with friendship ?
In this lifestyle you will find out that friendship goes a long way.
The more mates a single guy has the better so pleeze dont think otherwise.
More mates means more people you meet, socials and parties etc.
Cant do that if you have no friends can you. "
I have always stated on my profile that i'm here to make friends as well as meeting up for sex, however, i have been told on more than one occasion by women that:
This is a sex site NOT myspace/facebook
If they wanted friends then they can get those nearer to home OR they have plenty of friends already
Or they become friends and never speak to you again while their 'friends' list grows and grows!
So some of us guys are looking for friends as well as sex but not many women i've seen seem to want friendship at all |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well i for one as a single fem enjoy the "friendship" that comes with bieng on a site like this.
I have a FB and am happy with what i have so its lovely to have mates .
Who knows ? one day i may be looking and it would be lovely to look at the mates i have and think hmmmm ?
"
Am i the only person on here NOT to have a fuck buddy lol
I agree, it's always good to have friends which is why i'm looking for good friends as well as fb's! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Awww hun
Im sure you not the only one.
Anyways, you have a brain and that scares some ya know
*waves at my neighbour who lives just down the A444*"
"waves back " yoohoooo |
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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
I'd rather spend time chatting with people who had no intention of shagging me than spend time talking to nobody - there are so many psychological and sociological reasons why this is a good idea, I expect.
If I occasionally misread signals - well, that's life, isn't it? I probably give out the wrong message sometimes, so no point getting worked up over it.
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"
The more mates a single guy has the better so pleeze dont think otherwise.
More mates means more people you meet, socials and parties etc.
Cant do that if you have no friends can you. "
Exactly! The only way a single is going to make connections is through others on this site. Even most socials are couples/single females only, with only select single males. So a single guy needs connections to get in at the invitation of someone else. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Am i the only person on here NOT to have a fuck buddy lol
I agree, it's always good to have friends which is why i'm looking for good friends as well as fb's! "
Nope I don't have one either xx xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well i for one as a single fem enjoy the "friendship" that comes with bieng on a site like this.
I have a FB and am happy with what i have so its lovely to have mates .
Who knows ? one day i may be looking and it would be lovely to look at the mates i have and think hmmmm ?
Am i the only person on here NOT to have a fuck buddy lol
I agree, it's always good to have friends which is why i'm looking for good friends as well as fb's! "
TBH mate I can't stand the term anyway. Seems such a cold phrase to me. But thats just me being wierd lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well i for one as a single fem enjoy the "friendship" that comes with bieng on a site like this.
I have a FB and am happy with what i have so its lovely to have mates .
Who knows ? one day i may be looking and it would be lovely to look at the mates i have and think hmmmm ?
Am i the only person on here NOT to have a fuck buddy lol
I agree, it's always good to have friends which is why i'm looking for good friends as well as fb's!
TBH mate I can't stand the term anyway. Seems such a cold phrase to me. But thats just me being wierd lol"
Nothing weird about you , bit strange maybe but definitely not weird lol xx xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well i for one as a single fem enjoy the "friendship" that comes with bieng on a site like this.
I have a FB and am happy with what i have so its lovely to have mates .
Who knows ? one day i may be looking and it would be lovely to look at the mates i have and think hmmmm ?
Am i the only person on here NOT to have a fuck buddy lol
I agree, it's always good to have friends which is why i'm looking for good friends as well as fb's!
TBH mate I can't stand the term anyway. Seems such a cold phrase to me. But thats just me being wierd lol
Nothing weird about you , bit strange maybe but definitely not weird lol xx xx"
How would you know? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well i for one as a single fem enjoy the "friendship" that comes with bieng on a site like this.
I have a FB and am happy with what i have so its lovely to have mates .
Who knows ? one day i may be looking and it would be lovely to look at the mates i have and think hmmmm ?
Am i the only person on here NOT to have a fuck buddy lol
I agree, it's always good to have friends which is why i'm looking for good friends as well as fb's!
TBH mate I can't stand the term anyway. Seems such a cold phrase to me. But thats just me being wierd lol
Nothing weird about you , bit strange maybe but definitely not weird lol xx xx
How would you know?"
Little birdy told me x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i think id prefer to get a message back and have a chat rather than just be ignored. i do get a little bit annoyed when i see that a message ive sent has been deleted without a reply. id just be happy to get a reply for a change, whether it be someone who's interested or not haha. would definately give my inbox the shock of its life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Theres nothing wrong in being nice to people ,,, I know can be taken the wrong way ..... but you can be friends with people even if you dont wish too shag them even in swinging xxx you come across as a lovely lady xxx |
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"We don't speak to them unless we are likely to meet them.
We don't have time to speak to all of them , plus it gives out false hope that they will talk us round."
that is the most arrogant load of rubbish i have read in here |
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I just messaged someone on here a nice couple whot took a look at our profile and said no thanks. She was polite and pointed out they had enough play partners. I messaged back thanking her for her time. I then received a msg from a guy asking if he ciould come round for a fuck listed as a couple but was obviously a single as he specifically asked for a 3some with hubby. I pointed him in the way of our profile before he messaged us and the next reply was well fuck you!! So really it depends on the person you are talking to. Let them know you aint interested bt would be happy to talk and take whatever reaction with a pinch of salt. Be your self and sod the rest |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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dont forget folks.......single guys can also reject couples and single fems too mind !!
i often get the couples looking at my profile - while theyve got "not looking for single guys" written on their profile
cant these couples read lol - the clue is in the name of my profile - im a single guy not a couple |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We don't speak to them unless we are likely to meet them.
We don't have time to speak to all of them , plus it gives out false hope that they will talk us round.that is the most arrogant load of rubbish i have read in here"
Sorry, but I'm scratching my head here and trying to see what is arrogant about that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would much prefer you to reply than just ignore like a high majority do, as long as you state that you have no interest in taking things further why not just enjoy a chat? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
Forum Mod |
"I would much prefer you to reply than just ignore like a high majority do, as long as you state that you have no interest in taking things further why not just enjoy a chat?"
I prefer not to do that not because im a rotten person but literally don't have the time to do that,I have done in the past and you find that as soon as you sign on you get message after message from people that you have no intention of meeting,I find it makes things awkward sometimes
Plus the majority of the time I have found that the messages will always come back to wanting to meet up anyway as a "rapport" has been built up
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would much prefer you to reply than just ignore like a high majority do, as long as you state that you have no interest in taking things further why not just enjoy a chat?
I prefer not to do that not because im a rotten person but literally don't have the time to do that,I have done in the past and you find that as soon as you sign on you get message after message from people that you have no intention of meeting,I find it makes things awkward sometimes
Plus the majority of the time I have found that the messages will always come back to wanting to meet up anyway as a "rapport" has been built up
"
If someone sends me a "no-thanks" reply, I'll reply saying thanks for having the courtesy to let me know and wish them luck in their search and to have fun.
Do manners go out of the window because we're on the internet? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
Forum Mod |
"I would much prefer you to reply than just ignore like a high majority do, as long as you state that you have no interest in taking things further why not just enjoy a chat?
I prefer not to do that not because im a rotten person but literally don't have the time to do that,I have done in the past and you find that as soon as you sign on you get message after message from people that you have no intention of meeting,I find it makes things awkward sometimes
Plus the majority of the time I have found that the messages will always come back to wanting to meet up anyway as a "rapport" has been built up
If someone sends me a "no-thanks" reply, I'll reply saying thanks for having the courtesy to let me know and wish them luck in their search and to have fun.
Do manners go out of the window because we're on the internet?"
Ill say thanks but no thanks to people that have read my profile but see no point in taking it further
I don't think its a question of manners not replying when you get masses of mail that is completely unsuitable,cut and pasted or when they can't even get your name right
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would much prefer you to reply than just ignore like a high majority do, as long as you state that you have no interest in taking things further why not just enjoy a chat?
I prefer not to do that not because im a rotten person but literally don't have the time to do that,I have done in the past and you find that as soon as you sign on you get message after message from people that you have no intention of meeting,I find it makes things awkward sometimes
Plus the majority of the time I have found that the messages will always come back to wanting to meet up anyway as a "rapport" has been built up
If someone sends me a "no-thanks" reply, I'll reply saying thanks for having the courtesy to let me know and wish them luck in their search and to have fun.
Do manners go out of the window because we're on the internet?
Ill say thanks but no thanks to people that have read my profile but see no point in taking it further
I don't think its a question of manners not replying when you get masses of mail that is completely unsuitable,cut and pasted or when they can't even get your name right
"
Fair enough PoneyhotCouple |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We don't speak to them unless we are likely to meet them.
We don't have time to speak to all of them , plus it gives out false hope that they will talk us round.that is the most arrogant load of rubbish i have read in here"
Don't understand why you find this arrogant? Realistic is more like it ... I'm the same, if there is no desire to meet or develop the possibility, then why give people the false hope? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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EASY TO SORT OUT,JUST BLOCK THEM,we can get 20-30 messages a day, when we tag""Meet today"",some are just pathetic,and we cant answer everybody,we do feel bad at times for just deleteing,but if guys tried a bit harder,had "nice" pics,and some could take reading lessons,especially,bi and married men!!(daytime meets)
we have had loads of,timewasters,no shows,if a person is genuine, then he,ll be honest and open from message one, 10 days,if you havent met by then, forget them, move on |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We don't speak to them unless we are likely to meet them.
We don't have time to speak to all of them , plus it gives out false hope that they will talk us round.that is the most arrogant load of rubbish i have read in here
Don't understand why you find this arrogant? Realistic is more like it ... I'm the same, if there is no desire to meet or develop the possibility, then why give people the false hope?"
i think the expression 'faulse hope' itself just sounds arrogant, like you (not you personally) think your that great some guys going to be really gutted if you dont meet, dont think anyones that bothered lol |
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By *habsMan
over a year ago
Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex |
Hey hun,
See this is where I follow my default approach - I don't assume anything (afterall, a chat is exactly just that) unless I've either received a clear hint (American Indian smoke cloud-style) or basically been verbally propositioned.
Only rarely would I blatantly proposition anyone, and even those occurrences (owing to people getting offended at my offer of play) are reducing greatly.
If people wanna FEEL led on, that's upto them - I'm however more than likely to let people know from the onset that they rock my mind (and my loins), or just leave it at chatting. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"well said above. false hope is not only arrogant but very insulting
Not at all. False hope is an accurate reflection of the situation facing 'most' single men joining the site."
every guy on this site has the same chance of meeting as another
its down to them how they choose to conduct themselves and make them stand out from the rest |
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"well said above. false hope is not only arrogant but very insulting
Not at all. False hope is an accurate reflection of the situation facing 'most' single men joining the site.
every guy on this site has the same chance of meeting as another
its down to them how they choose to conduct themselves and make them stand out from the rest "
Those two statements effectively contradict each other.
You need only read the comments in the forums to realise that many guys on the site have absolutely no idea how to conduct themselves and only manage to stand out by virtue of poor behaviour. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We don't speak to them unless we are likely to meet them.
We don't have time to speak to all of them , plus it gives out false hope that they will talk us round.that is the most arrogant load of rubbish i have read in here
Don't understand why you find this arrogant? Realistic is more like it ... I'm the same, if there is no desire to meet or develop the possibility, then why give people the false hope?
i think the expression 'faulse hope' itself just sounds arrogant, like you (not you personally) think your that great some guys going to be really gutted if you dont meet, dont think anyones that bothered lol"
I agree alot of fellas aint really that bothered, they just move on and try someone else and that is how it should be ... I didn't mean to use the phrase in an arrogant way as I'm not in the least ...quite the opposite in fact  I just meant that I don't want guys getting the wrong message from me and then being accused of leading them on or cock-teasing If there is no spark or desire to take things further then surely it's better to be clear about it? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
every guy on this site has the same chance of meeting as another
its down to them how they choose to conduct themselves and make them stand out from the rest
Those two statements effectively contradict each other.
You need only read the comments in the forums to realise that many guys on the site have absolutely no idea how to conduct themselves and only manage to stand out by virtue of poor behaviour."
i totally agree, but if these guys took the time to stand back and think about what they was doing they would have the same chance as any other guy on here looking, if men on here cant get a meet thats down to them and they should look at themselves and think ..so how comes hes got 2 dozen meets on his profile and i cant get any?
People on here do meet single guys and every single one of them has the same chance as the other IF they make the effort |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Am a single guy and I meet single ladies and couples. I am just me and if they do not like what they are seeing and getting lol, they can always say. Freedom of speech etc. Sometimes I wounder what we are all doing on here than I relise and have funtimes x |
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By *habsMan
over a year ago
Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex |
Okay, here's a question about reversal though:
As a single female (that likes single guys), you walk into a place and find 10 single guys - 3 of them quite take your fancy and 7 others.. not so much (not that they're bad, remind you of Quasi Modo or anything of the sort), and you're in the mood for conversation and don't really care who with - the question(s):
1) Who do you chat to? The ones you fancy int he hope for more, or any of the others?
2) If the ones you fancy decide to chat to you (irrespective of how long or who approaches who) and it turns out (for whatever reason) they don't want to play with you (.. okay, lets say its bi night and they want other guys instead) - would you feel after all the time chatting that you've been "led on" or the time had been wasted when you could have been chatting to others?
Just thought I'd put a little controversy Hehehehehe. |
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