FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Attitudes to preliminary meets
Attitudes to preliminary meets
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"but who is to say a meet for a coffee wont lead to a first date play? we always prefere to meet for a drink/meal/chat and dont discount playing on the first night, simply because if its there, then its there, but if you run headlong into a playdate without getting to know someone a little, to ensure you are compatible then it makes for a bad meet, in our experience"  H. xxx | |||
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"but who is to say a meet for a coffee wont lead to a first date play? we always prefere to meet for a drink/meal/chat and dont discount playing on the first night, simply because if its there, then its there, but if you run headlong into a playdate without getting to know someone a little, to ensure you are compatible then it makes for a bad meet, in our experience H. xxx"thought you said Hi then lol | |||
Never had a single or couple not wish to meet this way. Sure some guys have had to arrange things and we are usually flexible on where and when to help as much as possible. Sure a snog or fondle in carpark dies happen but again just adds to build up to fun  | |||
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"Ladies and couples outnumber single blokes 10 to 1 (or whatever)." I think your reasoning is flawed. Single men outnumber the others by a huge margin. To the OP, I know what you mean. Men don't read profiles and just send out messages like a scattergun,hoping one will stick. I actually will play on the first meet if the feeling is right and I still get annoyed at men who think all they have to do is tell me what they want and I'll comply. I have to at least like the guy! Just use it as a filter. If they argue with you about how YOU want to meet, then delete! | |||
"Alot of the best single guys may have a busy life which may not facilitate social meet ups on the basis that if all goes well a second date may lead to sex . Sounds harsh ? Perhaps , but if they travel a long way it may not be their idea of a good use of time !" That's why I only meet men local to me in south east London. I always meet for a coffee with no chance of a play. It also separates the wheat from the chaff for me. If they can't spare an hour for a chat they'd not turn up for a play meet. I'm a single woman meeting in my home...I need to know who I'm opening my door to. | |||
"Alot of the best single guys may have a busy life which may not facilitate social meet ups on the basis that if all goes well a second date may lead to sex . Sounds harsh ? Perhaps , but if they travel a long way it may not be their idea of a good use of time !" The way I look at it is that anyone who can't find the time to meet for an initial drink and chat may well find it difficult to find the time for future 'play' meets.... I always insist on a social meet first, it benefits both sides as compatability can be established before a future 'play' meet.....anyone who doesn't want to meet that way first is free to passme by and try someone else. | |||
"but who is to say a meet for a coffee wont lead to a first date play?" I say! My coffee meets are always during my lunch break or after work...nowhere near my home. Works for me. | |||
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"Alot of the best single guys may have a busy life which may not facilitate social meet ups on the basis that if all goes well a second date may lead to sex . Sounds harsh ? Perhaps , but if they travel a long way it may not be their idea of a good use of time ! The way I look at it is that anyone who can't find the time to meet for an initial drink and chat may well find it difficult to find the time for future 'play' meets.... I always insist on a social meet first, it benefits both sides as compatability can be established before a future 'play' meet.....anyone who doesn't want to meet that way first is free to passme by and try someone else." I will only meet socially first as you never know if your going to click with the arranged meet. A chat and a coffee is always best and safest for the lady which is the main thing sor these meet there safey comes first. It also helps establish a connection and you might get a very nice kiss for your troubles. I say stick with what makes you comfortable as if your not it will not be a very good meet fullstop. GL stay safe x | |||
"Well it seems simple to me. Ladies and couples outnumber single blokes 10 to 1 (or whatever). So if the guys, like the ones who you chatted with earlier and who clearly aren't swingers but, as you say, just out for a quick and easy fuck, can't be arsed to invest time into meeting then give them the heave ho. Plenty more round the corner and there are some genuinely decent guys about who will let you take things at YOUR pace. I don't buy the excuse of 'I am busy'. TOUGH! The other thing I have noticed is the increasing number of single blokes who expect the lady / cpl to travel to them! The ladies rool in here and that is how it should always be. Its not tough being a single bloke in Swinging if you show respect and take your time but some guys just make their own difficulties. And again ...TOUGH! "^^^^^^^ this. I always meet for a social first (with only a couple of exceptions) and all the men I've met with are very happy with this because they understand the nature of swinging and respect that the women have the power. Some travel an incredibly long way even though I make it quite clear that it is a drink and a natter only but I usually end up meeting them because they show the respect and manners that maketh the man. Oh, and I usually fancy the pants off them  | |||
"I'm noticing that couples are much more likely to be happy to chat for a bit and then meet for a drink prior to play than single guys are. This is the case even though the couples often need to arrange babysitters and such, whereas it's usually easier for the guys. Why is this? I understand that some single guys run on hormones and want to meet immediately without all that preliminary faffing about, but I'm sure they're not all like that. I also realise that guys may be concerned that someone wanting to "get to know them a bit better" is actually looking for a relationship or commitment. Is that all there is to it or is there a good reason that so many single guys argue and try to avoid chatting and meeting up to establish trust? When I express interest to someone, I reiterate what it says on my profile, i.e. I want to feel comfortable with people before I'll agree to meet, that I must be reasonably sure we'll like each other, and that I insist on meeting for a drink or coffee before arranging anything else. I won't meet and play on the same day. I've not been back here long, so it's early days, but the majority of guys I've said this to have initially tried to convince me it's not necessary, (usually wanting me to invite them round, even though my profile says I can't accommodate), and when I've refused to budge, they've lost interest. Clearly they were after instant jollies and didn't give much of a shit if I felt comfortable or not, or if I liked them or not, as long as they got their dicks wet. I suppose my question is, is there a reason guys won't chat and meet first, other than wanting instant gratification? Do some think they are such hot shit they don't have to? Am I being unreasonable or unrealistic wanting to to know a bit about the person/people I am going to be arranging to fuck, and wanting to meet for a drink first? Although I've been on and off here for a while, and have met a few people, I am single, here for NSA and don't have much experience of swinging, (though if I had a swinging partner I'd love to go to some clubs. I'm not really interested in going alone. Going to fetish events alone can be exhausting enough and I have weapons there!) Maybe it's my demands that are all screwed up, which is a shame as my rules all resulted from experience and I'm definitely not going to do short notice first meets, or meet people without being confident we'll like each other! God this is long, sorry. I may have been on the wine just a little bit!" Part of the problem is where you have people into ‘quick and dirty meets’ trying to meet up with people who want to take it slower and bring in social aspects before any sex (or vice versa) . That leads to conflict – where there isn’t a ‘meeting of minds’. It should be about meeting the likeminded – not about trying to bend/break/change someone else’s rules or criteria. People should respect limits, boundaries and rules - your own personal safety should be paramount at all times. No one should sacrifice their own rules and morals just to get laid. Sadly there are many who will. | |||
"I'm noticing that couples are much more likely to be happy to chat for a bit and then meet for a drink prior to play than single guys are. This is the case even though the couples often need to arrange babysitters and such, whereas it's usually easier for the guys. Why is this? I understand that some single guys run on hormones and want to meet immediately without all that preliminary faffing about, but I'm sure they're not all like that. I also realise that guys may be concerned that someone wanting to "get to know them a bit better" is actually looking for a relationship or commitment. Is that all there is to it or is there a good reason that so many single guys argue and try to avoid chatting and meeting up to establish trust? When I express interest to someone, I reiterate what it says on my profile, i.e. I want to feel comfortable with people before I'll agree to meet, that I must be reasonably sure we'll like each other, and that I insist on meeting for a drink or coffee before arranging anything else. I won't meet and play on the same day. I've not been back here long, so it's early days, but the majority of guys I've said this to have initially tried to convince me it's not necessary, (usually wanting me to invite them round, even though my profile says I can't accommodate), and when I've refused to budge, they've lost interest. Clearly they were after instant jollies and didn't give much of a shit if I felt comfortable or not, or if I liked them or not, as long as they got their dicks wet. I suppose my question is, is there a reason guys won't chat and meet first, other than wanting instant gratification? Do some think they are such hot shit they don't have to? Am I being unreasonable or unrealistic wanting to to know a bit about the person/people I am going to be arranging to fuck, and wanting to meet for a drink first? Although I've been on and off here for a while, and have met a few people, I am single, here for NSA and don't have much experience of swinging, (though if I had a swinging partner I'd love to go to some clubs. I'm not really interested in going alone. Going to fetish events alone can be exhausting enough and I have weapons there!) Maybe it's my demands that are all screwed up, which is a shame as my rules all resulted from experience and I'm definitely not going to do short notice first meets, or meet people without being confident we'll like each other! God this is long, sorry. I may have been on the wine just a little bit! Part of the problem is where you have people into ‘quick and dirty meets’ trying to meet up with people who want to take it slower and bring in social aspects before any sex (or vice versa) . That leads to conflict – where there isn’t a ‘meeting of minds’. It should be about meeting the likeminded – not about trying to bend/break/change someone else’s rules or criteria. People should respect limits, boundaries and rules - your own personal safety should be paramount at all times. No one should sacrifice their own rules and morals just to get laid. Sadly there are many who will. " ...and there you have it! There's nothing wrong in forgoing a social drink and just getting down to it, if the other party is "likeminded". The problems start when people use "likeminded" as a general collective term to describe everyone on site. | |||
"I guess because lots of couples treat it as a whole social thing too ... if I was part of a couple I would be wary who I brought into the relationship as a playmate. I've been turned down by a lot of couples for whatever reason." with that photo wouldn't turn you down! Xx | |||
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"but who is to say a meet for a coffee wont lead to a first date play? " Not us We meet for a drink for a couple of hours and if everyone is still happy to play then we play the same night....if not we have had a couple of hours out and nothing lost. We like the build up to it as well as the playing and if they went away until another day it loses it a bit. We like to play that way and it suits us. | |||
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" Ladies and couples outnumber single blokes 10 to 1 (or whatever). " Erm ..can I redo the maths ...but I think people 'got my drift'. I of course meant blokes outnumber ladies and couples of course. My D'UH for the week ..  | |||
"I guess because lots of couples treat it as a whole social thing too ... if I was part of a couple I would be wary who I brought into the relationship as a playmate. I've been turned down by a lot of couples for whatever reason. with that photo wouldn't turn you down! Xx" That's not very nice  | |||
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"I think I read that wrong because there's a word missing ... misunderstood" Yes, you did! | |||
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"I have said to my friends on here before I could never randomly meet and just have sex. I have to click and there be a connection and there has to be on the other side too. Perhaps I am just weird like that "not weird lol...but I think if I done that with a lot of my meets, they would think it is weird..in fact half them wouldnt even do camchats (I'm too busy most times for that myself). I just like varying my meet styles to the kinds I want and their frequency. | |||
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"I think a social meet is a must for us, we dont want just anyone coming to our house, the place that has our possesions and where our children are, you could be inviting in all sorts of trouble. Also, what if the chemistry is there over the comms you have on here but when you meet the photos and personality just dont match what you were expecting? We are happy to play on a first date if we all feel comfortable with each other in a social situation but at least if its not happening you can shake hands and move on without trying to make up excuses to get them out of your home ASAP." why make excuses???-its ur house..the meet isnt going to work. | |||
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" " at least if its not happening you can shake hands and move on without trying to make up excuses to get them out of your home ASAP." why make excuses???-its ur house..the meet isnt going to work." You still want to be polite so we used to go with the subtle hints, but now after a few bad experiences of pushy people turning up and expecting sex straight off becuase they had to get back for whatever reason, or people just not being what they advertised themselves as we made the decision to only meet if it could be a social first. | |||
"I guess because lots of couples treat it as a whole social thing too ... if I was part of a couple I would be wary who I brought into the relationship as a playmate. I've been turned down by a lot of couples for whatever reason. with that photo wouldn't turn you down! Xx That's not very nice "Aww let me rephrase.....with that photo i wouldn't turn you down  x | |||
