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Female Pronouns
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By *umslave OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Sheffield |
I'm at the stage on here where I prefer to be addressed by female pronouns but lots of men struggle to understand. Sometimes I feel I'm being a little too prickly about it but it quite bothers me when men call me 'mate' or whatever. Am I being unreasonable? It causes me some discomfort and I do have some gender dysphoria.  |
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I’m sorry you’re having to deal with that. I don’t really have any advice, your profile is very clear about this but sadly the majority of people don’t read profiles. I will say though, you’re not being too prickly and you’re entitled to respect and to have people use your pronouns properly, so if people are disrespectful and use the wrong pronouns, you’re absolutely entitled to block them. I know it doesn’t solve the problem, but at least it means they won’t be able to do it to you again. |
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It’s hard enough sometimes to get men to treat you with dignity and respect let alone use the correct pronouns for us gurlz when we are dressed. The amount of ignorant and disrespectful approaches on FAB Katie gets is amazing, instant delete, real women no doubt get similar. If men approach a tv then they are attracted by the femininity surely they know we prefer to be treat as such and talked to in those terms.  |
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"I'm at the stage on here where I prefer to be addressed by female pronouns but lots of men struggle to understand. Sometimes I feel I'm being a little too prickly about it but it quite bothers me when men call me 'mate' or whatever. Am I being unreasonable? It causes me some discomfort and I do have some gender dysphoria. "
You are not being unreasonable at all. Dirty Pretty above is absolutely correct – you are entitled to respect.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm at the stage on here where I prefer to be addressed by female pronouns but lots of men struggle to understand. Sometimes I feel I'm being a little too prickly about it but it quite bothers me when men call me 'mate' or whatever. Am I being unreasonable? It causes me some discomfort and I do have some gender dysphoria. "
You're not being unreasonable at all. See it as a positive when they call you 'mate' etc. You know immediately that you're not compatible and so you don't need to waste any time chatting to them.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh i think it is definitely your perogative to be addressed how you would like
If it makes you feel better i also get addressed as mate by some men.. I think it is their way of trying to be friendly
.. Also in the North, we tend to use 'man' a lot.. Which doesn't mean you are a man, its just the expression.... "Oh man... why-aye pet" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m sorry that I have nothing substantial to add to what’s already been said above expect to say that I feel for you.
I’ve been where you are and felt what you’re feeling, I know that it’s a horrid situation but you have every right to expect your pronouns to be respected. Unfortunately we can’t choose what and how others see us as but we do have the ability to not interact with those who choose not to respect us.
Sending a big rainbow of love your way |
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You have every right to say how you want to be addressed.
If they don't do it your way it shows they either haven't read you profile (if they cant be bothered to do that they are not worth the effort) or they simply dont respect what you ask for.
At least it makes it easy to spot those who dont respect you.
As you say instant block. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just a simple question, how do feel when girls and women call each other guys?
Personally, I think its another rubbish fad that should never have left the West coast of the US."
I use 'guys' a lot to a mixed group of F + M. But it is a big talking point at work.. Esp when a man says it to a majority of M with just one F
Personally i don't mind it, but can appreciate that not all will feel the same... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm at the stage on here where I prefer to be addressed by female pronouns but lots of men struggle to understand. Sometimes I feel I'm being a little too prickly about it but it quite bothers me when men call me 'mate' or whatever. Am I being unreasonable? It causes me some discomfort and I do have some gender dysphoria. "
How rude... darlin you be you.
Some people take a bit longer to get it  |
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Thankfully profiles and messages can make it fairly quick and easy to filter out those who are unsuited to you, for whatever reasons. This doesn't stop any potential stress or pain that you may feel though.
It may be easier if you use message filters to give you the opportunity to pick out those guys you'd like to engage with, who you think may behave more respectfully. There will likely still be some poor interactions but it could leave you in a position of greater power.
Fab is a little different to the wider world, with many people finding engagement with a more diverse spectrum of people than they've typically beforehand. Straight men who get surprised by the amount of other straight men who appreciate cock somehow, is 1 example. There's a deficit of experience in many communicating with types of people that they haven't before. And yet every man will have talked with women, so they're not lacking in the key tools. And everyone should be versed with respect and how to convey it too. Some people are a little rigid, it often taking a jolt to get them out of their rut. It's not why anybody is here, we rightly assume that most people will have learned the simple basics of life and engagement with others, by the time they left primary school. |
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"Just a simple question, how do feel when girls and women call each other guys?
Personally, I think its another rubbish fad that should never have left the West coast of the US."
Personally I would never address a group of women/ ladies as guys.
If I meet my friends who are all girls I will say, hey girls/ hello ladies.
If it’s a mix of M&F I would say hello ladies & gents.
If it was a group of girls and 1 guy I would say hello girls/ladies and then the guys name. |
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By *ikilovesCCouple
over a year ago
village life, closest main town inverness |
Well your profile makes it clear how you would like to be addressed so there's no excuse for it really lol 
Another of fabs little irritations I'm afraid, of which there can be a few  |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Know you make it clear in your profile OP and therefore that should be respected - however I must confess I am never sure how to address TV/TS/CDs and it can be a bit of a minefield - have been ticked off for using "she/her" etc but have equally been ticked off for using "he/him" so it would appear to be a very individual thing with no hard and fast etiquette to follow.
Not defending those that don't use the correct terms when it's clear what they should be, just saying it's not always clear.
As for terms like "mate" it may depend on context, but there are some women I'd refer to as "mate" at times and who are quite comfortable with the term - so again a minefield - perhaps a brief explanation of what you do/don't like on first contact might help? Not that you should have to, but looking from the other perspective there's no room for doubt then. |
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"Know you make it clear in your profile OP and therefore that should be respected - however I must confess I am never sure how to address TV/TS/CDs and it can be a bit of a minefield - have been ticked off for using "she/her" etc but have equally been ticked off for using "he/him" so it would appear to be a very individual thing with no hard and fast etiquette to follow.
Not defending those that don't use the correct terms when it's clear what they should be, just saying it's not always clear.
As for terms like "mate" it may depend on context, but there are some women I'd refer to as "mate" at times and who are quite comfortable with the term - so again a minefield - perhaps a brief explanation of what you do/don't like on first contact might help? Not that you should have to, but looking from the other perspective there's no room for doubt then."
Some guy you’ve been talking with, and they seem friendly and approachable, suddenly calls you ‘mate’ it’s probably meant in the way, you would use it with a female friend.
A guy who looks you up and down with a bit of a dismissive look or tone when they say mate, most likely trying to be offensive or funny.
I prefer the pronouns of how I am dressed at the time. Guy mode he and female mode she, however once I get to know that person the occasional slip up doesn’t matter if that person is genuinely open minded about their attitude to trans people.
It’s happened to me a few times when I’ve been dressed and it can just be those signs that person is giving to you silently, that you become uncomfortable around them and the way they treat you.
That’s my experience and opinion over it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm at the stage on here where I prefer to be addressed by female pronouns but lots of men struggle to understand."
You're not unreasonable, but just give it time. People are sometimes slow to catch up with things. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Know you make it clear in your profile OP and therefore that should be respected - however I must confess I am never sure how to address TV/TS/CDs and it can be a bit of a minefield - have been ticked off for using "she/her" etc but have equally been ticked off for using "he/him" so it would appear to be a very individual thing with no hard and fast etiquette to follow.
Not defending those that don't use the correct terms when it's clear what they should be, just saying it's not always clear.
As for terms like "mate" it may depend on context, but there are some women I'd refer to as "mate" at times and who are quite comfortable with the term - so again a minefield - perhaps a brief explanation of what you do/don't like on first contact might help? Not that you should have to, but looking from the other perspective there's no room for doubt then.
Some guy you’ve been talking with, and they seem friendly and approachable, suddenly calls you ‘mate’ it’s probably meant in the way, you would use it with a female friend.
A guy who looks you up and down with a bit of a dismissive look or tone when they say mate, most likely trying to be offensive or funny.
I prefer the pronouns of how I am dressed at the time. Guy mode he and female mode she, however once I get to know that person the occasional slip up doesn’t matter if that person is genuinely open minded about their attitude to trans people.
It’s happened to me a few times when I’ve been dressed and it can just be those signs that person is giving to you silently, that you become uncomfortable around them and the way they treat you.
That’s my experience and opinion over it "
All makes sense..thank you  |
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"Know you make it clear in your profile OP and therefore that should be respected - however I must confess I am never sure how to address TV/TS/CDs and it can be a bit of a minefield..."
But then when we start putting things like "preferred pronouns she/her" on social media profiles, suddenly we get the gender critical mob screaming about how ridiculous it is that this should be allowed, that it is "woke", that it is part of the "trans rights agenda" seeking to "deny the reality of sexual identity" and to "invade women's safety". We get main stream media newspapers publishing scare tactics articles likening us to paedophiles, saying we are a danger to children, saying that we are r*pists - not just an occasional piece of crap in the Sun, but hundreds of articles every year in papers like the Times, the Telegraph, even the bloody Guardian. We have the BBC attacking us. We have every member of the current government attacking us, one of the worst being the so-called Equalities Minister - actual transphobic as fuck!
So basically it is not surprising that we get a bit touchy. If we don't carry a big sign saying "female" we get called by male pronouns, very often repeatedly and deliberately. If we do politely request or inform how we would like to be addressed, we get attacked for being unreasonable!
Really it's not hard, it's purely being respectful. If there is a person wearing female clothes, shoes, makeup, jewellery, that you meet in a context where it is obvious that they are not a dr*nk bridegroom on his stag night, that introduce themselves using a female name, it's a fair guess that they would prefer to be called by female pronouns under that circumstance. It's not difficult, it's called politeness.
And really, if it's hard to tell - and yes sometimes i have found it hard to guess someone's gender - then it's not terribly difficult to just ask the name and/or use "they/them" pronouns until further information becomes available.
Regards, Polly (pronouns she/her, unless meeting in some professional or social context where wearing male clothing, shoes, hair etc and obviously attempting to look male). |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
You say "really it's not hard" but as I went on to say I've been corrected both ways round when I've guessed, and *tried* to be respectful in the past - which is why I've said it can be a minefield at times.
I obviously don't expect someone to go round with a label hanging round their neck, that would not only be demeaning but open to abuse too.
Not trying to downplay the problems you face either, am fully aware of them and how real they are, am respectfully raising a point from the other perspective.
Either way Steph explained perfectly and I thank her for that |
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By *ikilovesCCouple
over a year ago
village life, closest main town inverness |
Would have to agree with Gemini there,
it could be all too easy to cause offence when none was intended
and there's so many new terms it's hard to keep up lol
We chit chat on and off to a few tv/cd's etc and Steph has confirmed what we thought in that there is a difference in the chat when they are dressed or not, so thanks for that lol 
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Hope none of them are on here?