FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > I think I'm done.
I think I'm done.
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"Yes, twice.
Back for a third time, although I have wondered why lately. Doesn't help with all that's going on though."
I've wondered that too. I'm very single and have friends I get together with occasionally but it's all a bit meh. |
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"Nearly 60 years old and ten years of swinging and I just can't be bothered anymore.
I've taken breaks before but I think this is it.
Has anyone here thought the same but changed their mind?"
Contemplated it in the past, but just hidden profile whilst taking a break. If it’s not fun and becoming hard work, maybe a good time to step back for a while.
You don’t have to leave forever. |
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"Nearly 60 years old and ten years of swinging and I just can't be bothered anymore.
I've taken breaks before but I think this is it.
Has anyone here thought the same but changed their mind?
Contemplated it in the past, but just hidden profile whilst taking a break. If it’s not fun and becoming hard work, maybe a good time to step back for a while.
You don’t have to leave forever."
Neither of those are the reasons and I've had a fair few hidden episodes over the years. |
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"Feel exactly the same. One of my breaks lasted 2 years.
Have been thinking recently of calling it a day again x
Do you just hide or delete?"
I just hide my profile, saves getting any messages and if I choose to come back then just show it again...saves messing around creating a new profile x |
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By *renzMan
over a year ago
Between Chichester and Havant |
I was on here for a long time previously, then all of a sudden I became bored. Out of the blue. Left for about six months, rejoined for a few months, left again, rejoined after a couple of years a few months ago. First time around I'd met and made some good friends, but then just felt jaded. Not being able to meet at present, social or otherwise makes it seem pointless. |
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"I was on here for a long time previously, then all of a sudden I became bored. Out of the blue. Left for about six months, rejoined for a few months, left again, rejoined after a couple of years a few months ago. First time around I'd met and made some good friends, but then just felt jaded. Not being able to meet at present, social or otherwise makes it seem pointless."
Actually, that's an excellent way to describe it, pointless.
I loved going to clubs, strutting my stuff, dancing, occasionally playing, I've had some epic evenings (including my NYE birthday at Libs, one of the most memorable in my life) but now it just seems utterly pointless. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am having the same issue. Joined last year and had quite a fun few months meeting some new people - but then covid hit and being high risk, it's unlikely I'll meet until there's a reliable vaccine and most people have had it... so unlikely to be any time soon. Plus my last couple of experiences have been quite bad, which has left me jaded. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have this theory that with all this social distancing mask wearing business we’re not smelling enough ceremonies and libido is falling as a result. Only way I can explain why I’m less interested than before |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We’ve retired twice in the last few years, seem to keep coming back, but it’s hard to put our finger on quite what’s wrong with fab, it just doesn’t feel fun anymore, it’s hard work!!  "
Covid surely.. Just endless convos, no fun |
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"We’ve retired twice in the last few years, seem to keep coming back, but it’s hard to put our finger on quite what’s wrong with fab, it just doesn’t feel fun anymore, it’s hard work!!
Covid surely.. Just endless convos, no fun"
Nah it was hard work before this Covid stuff.... fab few years back had a great vibe, stuff happened..now it seems so complex |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I know the feeling of it being pointless OP, I felt like that at the beginning of the year and my usage dropped right down. Now I'm just enjoying the fora and talking to friends - you can't really plan for anything but focusing on and enjoying the now can be fun (fuck that reads a bit patronising, not intended OP!). Maybe take a break until the vaccine roll out has started and reassess how you feel? |
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"I know the feeling of it being pointless OP, I felt like that at the beginning of the year and my usage dropped right down. Now I'm just enjoying the fora and talking to friends - you can't really plan for anything but focusing on and enjoying the now can be fun (fuck that reads a bit patronising, not intended OP!). Maybe take a break until the vaccine roll out has started and reassess how you feel? "
I've hidden many times, this just feels different.
Reading this thread has bought on some interesting thoughts though, I'm mostly fed up with being addressed as a free, disposable wet hole or fetishised due to how many years I've been alive.
I was thinking of old friends and the fantastic times we had where we were all equal and respected but I remember watching someone I thought I knew extremely well fucking another friend in a big room and he was looking around, trying to catch the eye of the next one he wanted to shag.
Still makes me sad. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Feel exactly the same. One of my breaks lasted 2 years.
Have been thinking recently of calling it a day again x
Do you just hide or delete?"
Best to hide it. If you want to come back you can. If you don't want to come back your profile remains dormant.
You have been on fab for a number of years. Don't just throw your profile away. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve been on / off here for the last 18 months - something is missing & something has changed in me, the feeling of “I’m done with this “ has never rung truer.
My circumstances are different and I don’t see myself as a swinger, but I do relate to the feeling. |
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Im fed up with flaky hard work unreliable single males. Had loads of fun when my ex and I 1st joined the lifestyle back in 2014. Now as a single I feel done. Not fun and hard work. Married playing away etc, when the fun goes it becomes boring. COVID has bought the bored and curious to the site. |
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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago
Filthy Fuckeryville |
I have been on here since virtually the start of the site but from time to time hidden my profile when it's felt the time to do so. I never delete as I prefer to leave it open for a return should I wish.
Don't act in haste is my logic. I don't keep my profile for the reasons many possibly do, I keep it for my block list and private notes on many I have come across over time  priceless to me  |
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I suppose it's only about three years since i got myself mixed up in this scene so i guess still hoping to have some of the experiences that haven't happened yet. The last 9 months have been difficult, some online chatting with friends and the occasional phone call, but not actually seen anyone from fab even for a socially distanced coffee or anything. I am definitely starting to feel that i might have missed out on my chances and sometimes wonder why I'm still on the site. I think it might be that the few experiences that i have had, though probably very tame and limited compared with most of the ladies here, have helped me feel a bit younger and that there is a chance that i might still be sexually attractive to some woman somewhere.
I've kind of gone off the point, not sure what i was setting out to say anyway. Something like "Please don't let thoughts of physical age make you give up Topsy, and this has been a horrible year but it's nearly over and things must get better next year. You have to do whatever your heart tells you, but whatever it is, do it for yourself not for the benefit of anybody else."
With hugs, Polly xx |
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By *sm81Couple
over a year ago
warwickshire |
I think with covid hitting and clubs being shut it does make people think more about the lifestyle and if they want to stay in it. I miss the socialising in clubs, but the swinging part not so much because I have my husband to satisfy my needs  |
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"Nearly 60 years old and ten years of swinging and I just can't be bothered anymore.
I've taken breaks before but I think this is it.
Has anyone here thought the same but changed their mind?"
It goes in phases of my life really sometimes I have the urge for an open sexual/ fab social connection sometimes life is just too busy. At the moment I have the urge lol |
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"Have I joined this site at the wrong time? Lol "
Yes mate 2007-2009 were the golden years, there were hundreds of horny couples for every single guy,
I got so busy at one point I had to hire in 3 extra lads just to cover some of my MMF meets, in the end I had to cut right back, I was exhausted.
Now I’m just down to 1 meet every 3 years it’s so much easier to manage |
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By * Plus ECouple
over a year ago
The South |
"Nearly 60 years old and ten years of swinging and I just can't be bothered anymore.
I've taken breaks before but I think this is it.
Has anyone here thought the same but changed their mind?"
It all seems a bit pointless at the moment.
We talk to people about socials and play meets, but with the uncertainty around when that might be, it seems like a waste of time.
We cant see each other, no 1 to 1 socials, no intimate meets, no clubs, we're more than a "bit" meh at the moment.
Even the forums aren't the fun they used to be.
E |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Last time I left I’d hid my profile for 12 months whilst I decided, never missed it so after the year I deleted my profile and stayed away a further 3 year. On the verge of quitting again, I’ve never know the site be as rude as it is at the moment, young males are constantly hitting for a meet, when they get declined they let off a torrent of abuse, 1 even said (I quote) “what the hell are you on here for if you aren’t meeting, cock teasing bitch”.
No need under normal circumstances let alone times of Covid |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know the feeling of it being pointless OP, I felt like that at the beginning of the year and my usage dropped right down. Now I'm just enjoying the fora and talking to friends - you can't really plan for anything but focusing on and enjoying the now can be fun (fuck that reads a bit patronising, not intended OP!). Maybe take a break until the vaccine roll out has started and reassess how you feel?
I've hidden many times, this just feels different.
Reading this thread has bought on some interesting thoughts though, I'm mostly fed up with being addressed as a free, disposable wet hole or fetishised due to how many years I've been alive.
I was thinking of old friends and the fantastic times we had where we were all equal and respected but I remember watching someone I thought I knew extremely well fucking another friend in a big room and he was looking around, trying to catch the eye of the next one he wanted to shag.
Still makes me sad."
It's always been like that. Especially the 'looking around for the next shag'. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been involved in the swinging/alternative scene for over a quarter of a century.
If honest I have to say it's been on the decline for sometime now, covid is just one factor.
It was more fun and exclusive years back the rise of the internet hasn't necessarily been for the best.
The net is full of chancers who have no respect for themselves, never mind strangers.
OP it won't get any better I'm afraid so good luck with whatever you decide to do.
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I've been teetering for ages now.
I know it's not the right phrase, but I've thought a few times it might be time to "grow up". I'm not sure how else to word it.
Sex isn't important to me, it's not even part of my life anymore and the more I'm here the less faith I have in men. Sorry men, but it's true.
A bit like with my ex, he wouldn't take responsibility so I had to and at times the only way to stop a situation (disrespectful, lying, cheats) is to remove yourself from the situation coz they ain't going anywhere.
If it wasn't for the forums I'd be long gone but I do feel there's plenty I could be doing to use my time in a more constructive way (I think that's where the "grow up" thing stems) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We’ve retired twice in the last few years, seem to keep coming back, but it’s hard to put our finger on quite what’s wrong with fab, it just doesn’t feel fun anymore, it’s hard work!! "
I feel the same. I am a fun genuine guy and have no problem talking and having fun at the clubs. Fab is hard work and not worth the effort.
Think I am just going to come back on when the clubs open back up. |
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We have taken 3 breaks over the years some as long as 2 years and just recently returned and feel the site has changed a lot over the last year and i cant say we are feeling the love for the site so i dont think we will be around for long this time |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
lockdown has allowed people to see the cracks that were previously glossed over with a full/busy social/work life.
I am a fan of self analysis and assessment, and I feel that if it isn’t fun or productive then its time to stop and do something else. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We have taken 3 breaks over the years some as long as 2 years and just recently returned and feel the site has changed a lot over the last year and i cant say we are feeling the love for the site so i dont think we will be around for long this time"
Dont blame you there. Fab was fun at the start but now, completely boring. Only good thing is the forums.
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By * Plus ECouple
over a year ago
The South |
"I've been teetering for ages now.
I know it's not the right phrase, but I've thought a few times it might be time to "grow up". I'm not sure how else to word it.
Sex isn't important to me, it's not even part of my life anymore and the more I'm here the less faith I have in men. Sorry men, but it's true.
A bit like with my ex, he wouldn't take responsibility so I had to and at times the only way to stop a situation (disrespectful, lying, cheats) is to remove yourself from the situation coz they ain't going anywhere.
If it wasn't for the forums I'd be long gone but I do feel there's plenty I could be doing to use my time in a more constructive way (I think that's where the "grow up" thing stems) "
Please don't go PP, we have dreams of one day crossing paths with you.
E |
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"I've been teetering for ages now.
I know it's not the right phrase, but I've thought a few times it might be time to "grow up". I'm not sure how else to word it.
Sex isn't important to me, it's not even part of my life anymore and the more I'm here the less faith I have in men. Sorry men, but it's true.
A bit like with my ex, he wouldn't take responsibility so I had to and at times the only way to stop a situation (disrespectful, lying, cheats) is to remove yourself from the situation coz they ain't going anywhere.
If it wasn't for the forums I'd be long gone but I do feel there's plenty I could be doing to use my time in a more constructive way (I think that's where the "grow up" thing stems)
Please don't go PP, we have dreams of one day crossing paths with you.
E"
I'm defo gonna head to the next brum social, so I'm at least gonna hang on that long. Who knows by then I may have found my missing mojo and decide to stay. |
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By *rx1Couple
over a year ago
Near Okehampton. |
We are at that Cross Road too. Been on the site for about 12 years now. It has massively changed for us over those years. Most of the Good friends we made years ago have moved on and left. Some of the Clubs that we used to go to either closed or just changed and become Shagfests and tacky just to make as much as the can..
Lots more timewasters and last minute no shows. So many join, leave, rejoin, leave again, cant stay away types. Think we just got bored by the whole process.
So many cannot be bothered to read a profile. We may just hide our profile. If we delete it, that will be that. We never try and recapture anything once we give up on it.
Perhaps we are just to fussy.  |
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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago
Craggy Island |
"Nearly 60 years old and ten years of swinging and I just can't be bothered anymore.
I've taken breaks before but I think this is it.
Has anyone here thought the same but changed their mind?"
I not there yet, I was hoping to get a good ten years out before I hang up. |
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"lockdown has allowed people to see the cracks that were previously glossed over with a full/busy social/work life.
I am a fan of self analysis and assessment, and I feel that if it isn’t fun or productive then its time to stop and do something else."
That has struck a cord with me, thanks for making me sit up.
I still like being here, the forums, my friends...I'm not a chat person, I find it inert online and I'm not all that social either but the connections I've made have mostly stuck.
This thread has certainly helped me marshal my thoughts. |
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"I've been teetering for ages now.
I know it's not the right phrase, but I've thought a few times it might be time to "grow up". I'm not sure how else to word it.
Sex isn't important to me, it's not even part of my life anymore and the more I'm here the less faith I have in men. Sorry men, but it's true.
A bit like with my ex, he wouldn't take responsibility so I had to and at times the only way to stop a situation (disrespectful, lying, cheats) is to remove yourself from the situation coz they ain't going anywhere.
If it wasn't for the forums I'd be long gone but I do feel there's plenty I could be doing to use my time in a more constructive way (I think that's where the "grow up" thing stems) "
I really understand this and although I have a few years on you PP, the 'growing' up' thing resonates.
Maybe sex will only become important again within a relationship. Who knows? |
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"Nearly 60 years old and ten years of swinging and I just can't be bothered anymore.
I've taken breaks before but I think this is it.
Has anyone here thought the same but changed their mind?"
Not exactly the same but the older I get the more I realise that people of my age and attitude don't really fit with swinging. It's much more of a social thing for us now (hollow laugh re covid) and understandably lots of people will want more than that. I'm more of an observer nowadays and I'm liking less and less of what I see |
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"Nearly 60 years old and ten years of swinging and I just can't be bothered anymore.
I've taken breaks before but I think this is it.
Has anyone here thought the same but changed their mind?"
We have been swinging 20+ years.. start of this year we considered deleting our account.. then realised we had just paid 12 months site support. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Wow, I think I may have joined at the wrong time after reading the thread. I've only been swinging for 3 years, and came to fab after giving up on another swinging site. It was good and I met with a load of lovely ladies, but covid didn't help and it became very stale.
My experience so far here is that I message people and receive nothing back.
The forums are the best thing about fab. I'll give it till Xmas and see what happens, but I ain't holding my breath.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im in my late seventies,gave up some time ago,then got tempted again.I enjoy the attention when i go on cam ,i have made several contacts for meets after covid ,so dont give up i havnt |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve been hidden for a while now.
I came on here from a very violent marriage and being on here always gave me the feeling of not being good enough.
And only in the last 5-6 weeks started staying away for 95% of my time.
I miss chatting but I don’t miss the abuse. |
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By * Plus ECouple
over a year ago
The South |
"I've been teetering for ages now.
I know it's not the right phrase, but I've thought a few times it might be time to "grow up". I'm not sure how else to word it.
Sex isn't important to me, it's not even part of my life anymore and the more I'm here the less faith I have in men. Sorry men, but it's true.
A bit like with my ex, he wouldn't take responsibility so I had to and at times the only way to stop a situation (disrespectful, lying, cheats) is to remove yourself from the situation coz they ain't going anywhere.
If it wasn't for the forums I'd be long gone but I do feel there's plenty I could be doing to use my time in a more constructive way (I think that's where the "grow up" thing stems)
Please don't go PP, we have dreams of one day crossing paths with you.
E
I'm defo gonna head to the next brum social, so I'm at least gonna hang on that long. Who knows by then I may have found my missing mojo and decide to stay."
Right, we're sorting out our passports sortex and getting mirrors and salt so we can trade with the natives.
Let's home the socials are able to resume at some point.
E
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've considered it a couple of times lately the most recent being this week. I'm still considering it to be honest. There's been a lot go on and I'm not quite sure if this is the place for me anymore.
I got the whole "don't delete just hide" from my friends too but if I'm going then I'm going completely. I spend most of my time hiding now, only here for a couple of friends and the forum which is nowhere as much fun as it used to be.
I was told when I first joined to only stay if it was fun, when the fun stops then stop. The fun stopped a long time ago for me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We're done on here. Will only stay to read the forums.
Too many timewasters and thats just the couples. Sent a decent message the other day and literally got a one sentence reply 
"
They don't know what they're missing out on. You two look fire |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We're done on here. Will only stay to read the forums.
Too many timewasters and thats just the couples. Sent a decent message the other day and literally got a one sentence reply
"
Same fab is terrible, just going to wait till the clubs open. At clubs there are so many nice, genuine and fun people there. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a new arrival, but very experienced in the human condition, the comments on here pretty much confirm what I've already figured out from reading threads and comments, plus the very few chats I've had. I'm not sure it' s growing up, maybe more of a reality check. Can they be the same thing? Anyway, even for those who do actually get some fun out of the lifestyle, I can see why it would get old at some point, and you find yourself thinking that there must be something more to life.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We're done on here. Will only stay to read the forums.
Too many timewasters and thats just the couples. Sent a decent message the other day and literally got a one sentence reply
"
Probably means they weren't interested. How are they time wasters? |
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"We’ve retired twice in the last few years, seem to keep coming back, but it’s hard to put our finger on quite what’s wrong with fab, it just doesn’t feel fun anymore, it’s hard work!!
I feel the same. I am a fun genuine guy and have no problem talking and having fun at the clubs. Fab is hard work and not worth the effort.
Think I am just going to come back on when the clubs open back up. "
If you haven’t already got one, I suggest you invest in a fleshlight, as its going to be a long winter for you otherwise! I’ll give you a shout if I ever pop over to Club f again, be good to meet you for a chinwag   |
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I don't think fab can be held responsible for the fact that nobody can meet and with clubs closed at the moment its a good place to network and make contacts for that day when we can all meet face to face again.
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By * Plus ECouple
over a year ago
The South |
"I don't think fab can be held responsible for the fact that nobody can meet and with clubs closed at the moment its a good place to network and make contacts for that day when we can all meet face to face again.
"
Agreed.
E |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Same here we haven't met any1 (covid) but we had happy to bumble along have look from time to time send a message here & there & in last 2days blocked 2 profiles very off putting thought here was a liberated understanding place but no as soon as send a polite message back explaining why they might not be wot we're looking for arsey messages back wtf we've never got arsey if we're not some1s cup of tea so y do we get it? Mrs doesn't look so much anymore & I mainly look here & chat with the people who have made us welcome |
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"lockdown has allowed people to see the cracks that were previously glossed over with a full/busy social/work life.
I am a fan of self analysis and assessment, and I feel that if it isn’t fun or productive then its time to stop and do something else."
It's very true.
The only thing making Fab manageable for me at the moment is my filters set to "you shall not pass" and a block list that can be seen from space.
It will pass, for me. I've made a few new friends and solidified other friendships. I'm surer of myself than I was, despite this having been a horrifying year.
But there is a season for everything. |
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By *Xtriple7Couple
over a year ago
N Peterborough. |
"We're done on here. Will only stay to read the forums.
Too many timewasters and thats just the couples. Sent a decent message the other day and literally got a one sentence reply
Probably means they weren't interested. How are they time wasters?"
Why don't they just say that then instead of making random banal statements that ultimately lead nowhere.
Why don't they just ignore us if they're not interested. |
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"We're done on here. Will only stay to read the forums.
Too many timewasters and thats just the couples. Sent a decent message the other day and literally got a one sentence reply
Probably means they weren't interested. How are they time wasters?
Why don't they just say that then instead of making random banal statements that ultimately lead nowhere.
Why don't they just ignore us if they're not interested. "
Maybe because you sound a bit aggressive and they don't fancy being on the receiving end. |
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By *iger4uWoman
over a year ago
In my happy place |
Yes
Its like gay hook up on my feed of Straight men.
I have no respect for the ppl who are changing bubbles for a fuck.
Everyone im close to has the same values as me, not meeting atm.
Saw a status today.. Fresh out of prison need a slag.
Im done... |
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By * Plus ECouple
over a year ago
The South |
"We're done on here. Will only stay to read the forums.
Too many timewasters and thats just the couples. Sent a decent message the other day and literally got a one sentence reply
Probably means they weren't interested. How are they time wasters?
Why don't they just say that then instead of making random banal statements that ultimately lead nowhere.
Why don't they just ignore us if they're not interested.
Maybe because you sound a bit aggressive and they don't fancy being on the receiving end."
E |
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By * Plus ECouple
over a year ago
The South |
"We're done on here. Will only stay to read the forums.
Too many timewasters and thats just the couples. Sent a decent message the other day and literally got a one sentence reply
Probably means they weren't interested. How are they time wasters?
Why don't they just say that then instead of making random banal statements that ultimately lead nowhere.
Why don't they just ignore us if they're not interested. "
I get the feeling that then you'd be moaning that no one answered your messages.
E |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I was on here for about 18 months up until July this year; I hadn’t met anyone and I was spending loads of time on here.
I think it just wore this place out from my perspective, I got bored of it and having no success with meets didn’t help anything.
Within a few weeks I missing the Forums and to be honest, the pics. I’m back here for a second time but I’m finding the same fatigue (Fabtigue?!) is creeping back quite quickly. |
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"I've been teetering for ages now.
I know it's not the right phrase, but I've thought a few times it might be time to "grow up". I'm not sure how else to word it.
Sex isn't important to me, it's not even part of my life anymore and the more I'm here the less faith I have in men. Sorry men, but it's true.
A bit like with my ex, he wouldn't take responsibility so I had to and at times the only way to stop a situation (disrespectful, lying, cheats) is to remove yourself from the situation coz they ain't going anywhere.
If it wasn't for the forums I'd be long gone but I do feel there's plenty I could be doing to use my time in a more constructive way (I think that's where the "grow up" thing stems)
I really understand this and although I have a few years on you PP, the 'growing' up' thing resonates.
Maybe sex will only become important again within a relationship. Who knows?"
Stands a good chance.
I think before I met you know who, I was by some stretch using sex as a void filler. Yes I enjoyed myself, met some awesome people, but it was shallow to some degree. I value the friendships far more and learned that for every good egg there are many more rotten ones.
There's a massive lack of respect and I'm feeling older and more out the loop by the week. Physically I'm not "past it" but mentally I think I am. Almost feels like getting on a bus full of school kids who are all shouty and actively looking to vandalise the bus, and spotting the odd non arsehole, making eye contact and eye rolling in agreement to each other. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Not been on here for long, but fatigue is beginning to get stronger and stronger.
I message politely. Half never get read, and the other half do but with no reply.
It's just becoming a pointless devourer of time and energy.
As others have said, the forums are great, and I may stay for this, alone.
Obviously no one is interested in my profile as no one ever views it without me viewing them first, so hardly any point building it up.
Pity really as I had highish jopes for the site considering we are pretty much all similar-minded.
Que sera sera |
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When the fun stops... stop but this is mindset in my opinion.
Why would anyone not want to meet interesting fun people?
Its great fun in clubs and meets but online sites arent really swinging, theyre the medium to get you to swinging places. So when someone says im leaving, do they mean the sire they visit? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Not been on here for long, but fatigue is beginning to get stronger and stronger.
I message politely. Half never get read, and the other half do but with no reply.
It's just becoming a pointless devourer of time and energy.
As others have said, the forums are great, and I may stay for this, alone.
Obviously no one is interested in my profile as no one ever views it without me viewing them first, so hardly any point building it up.
Pity really as I had highish jopes for the site considering we are pretty much all similar-minded.
Que sera sera"
I totally agree with what you said |
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"Not been on here for long, but fatigue is beginning to get stronger and stronger.
I message politely. Half never get read, and the other half do but with no reply.
It's just becoming a pointless devourer of time and energy.
As others have said, the forums are great, and I may stay for this, alone.
Obviously no one is interested in my profile as no one ever views it without me viewing them first, so hardly any point building it up.
Pity really as I had highish jopes for the site considering we are pretty much all similar-minded.
Que sera sera
I totally agree with what you said"
“All of the stars are fading away, just try not to worry you’ll see them some day”........,,you know the rest |
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By *iliciousCouple
over a year ago
Sussex/Surrey |
"Last time I left I’d hid my profile for 12 months whilst I decided, never missed it so after the year I deleted my profile and stayed away a further 3 year. On the verge of quitting again, I’ve never know the site be as rude as it is at the moment, young males are constantly hitting for a meet, when they get declined they let off a torrent of abuse, 1 even said (I quote) “what the hell are you on here for if you aren’t meeting, cock teasing bitch”.
No need under normal circumstances let alone times of Covid "
Once again - block males from contacting you then !!!!!! |
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"Last time I left I’d hid my profile for 12 months whilst I decided, never missed it so after the year I deleted my profile and stayed away a further 3 year. On the verge of quitting again, I’ve never know the site be as rude as it is at the moment, young males are constantly hitting for a meet, when they get declined they let off a torrent of abuse, 1 even said (I quote) “what the hell are you on here for if you aren’t meeting, cock teasing bitch”.
No need under normal circumstances let alone times of Covid
Once again - block males from contacting you then !!!!!! "
Block messages. Don't look at updates.
Basically hide yourself away from everything, close your eyes and cover your ears so you're oblivious to it all.
If you take the advice given to prevent the shit, then there really is fuck all point.
|
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"Last time I left I’d hid my profile for 12 months whilst I decided, never missed it so after the year I deleted my profile and stayed away a further 3 year. On the verge of quitting again, I’ve never know the site be as rude as it is at the moment, young males are constantly hitting for a meet, when they get declined they let off a torrent of abuse, 1 even said (I quote) “what the hell are you on here for if you aren’t meeting, cock teasing bitch”.
No need under normal circumstances let alone times of Covid
Once again - block males from contacting you then !!!!!!
Block messages. Don't look at updates.
Basically hide yourself away from everything, close your eyes and cover your ears so you're oblivious to it all.
If you take the advice given to prevent the shit, then there really is fuck all point.
"
Yes woman know your place, how dare you let yourself be abused, those men should be allowed to behave any way they want, how dare you take offence |
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I’ve only been here 18 months (so half my time here has been under covid conditions) and I’m pretty jaded with it. But then, I’m jaded with absolutely everything right now. I feel like most of my time is spent either angry or crying. Sometimes both. Maybe Fab isn’t the healthiest place to be in my current state, but where is really? None of which helps OP at all, I know, unless as a sort of vague solidarity. |
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"I’ve only been here 18 months (so half my time here has been under covid conditions) and I’m pretty jaded with it. But then, I’m jaded with absolutely everything right now. I feel like most of my time is spent either angry or crying. Sometimes both. Maybe Fab isn’t the healthiest place to be in my current state, but where is really? None of which helps OP at all, I know, unless as a sort of vague solidarity."
I hear ya and it does help, knowing people are experiencing the same shit.
|
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"I’ve only been here 18 months (so half my time here has been under covid conditions) and I’m pretty jaded with it. But then, I’m jaded with absolutely everything right now. I feel like most of my time is spent either angry or crying. Sometimes both. Maybe Fab isn’t the healthiest place to be in my current state, but where is really? None of which helps OP at all, I know, unless as a sort of vague solidarity.
I hear ya and it does help, knowing people are experiencing the same shit.
"
In that case, I’m glad I said it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Last time I left I’d hid my profile for 12 months whilst I decided, never missed it so after the year I deleted my profile and stayed away a further 3 year. On the verge of quitting again, I’ve never know the site be as rude as it is at the moment, young males are constantly hitting for a meet, when they get declined they let off a torrent of abuse, 1 even said (I quote) “what the hell are you on here for if you aren’t meeting, cock teasing bitch”.
No need under normal circumstances let alone times of Covid
Once again - block males from contacting you then !!!!!!
Block messages. Don't look at updates.
Basically hide yourself away from everything, close your eyes and cover your ears so you're oblivious to it all.
If you take the advice given to prevent the shit, then there really is fuck all point.
Yes woman know your place, how dare you let yourself be abused, those men should be allowed to behave any way they want, how dare you take offence "
There's nothing wrong with taking offence.
But hateful messages are part n parcel of online dating.
I regularly get messages saying I still look like a man and others threatening sexual and physical violence because I'm a Tgirl.
These messages won't stop.
If you can't handle it, maybes online dating isn't for you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’ve only been here 18 months (so half my time here has been under covid conditions) and I’m pretty jaded with it. But then, I’m jaded with absolutely everything right now. I feel like most of my time is spent either angry or crying. Sometimes both. Maybe Fab isn’t the healthiest place to be in my current state, but where is really? None of which helps OP at all, I know, unless as a sort of vague solidarity.
I hear ya and it does help, knowing people are experiencing the same shit.
In that case, I’m glad I said it"
 |
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"Last time I left I’d hid my profile for 12 months whilst I decided, never missed it so after the year I deleted my profile and stayed away a further 3 year. On the verge of quitting again, I’ve never know the site be as rude as it is at the moment, young males are constantly hitting for a meet, when they get declined they let off a torrent of abuse, 1 even said (I quote) “what the hell are you on here for if you aren’t meeting, cock teasing bitch”.
No need under normal circumstances let alone times of Covid
Once again - block males from contacting you then !!!!!!
Block messages. Don't look at updates.
Basically hide yourself away from everything, close your eyes and cover your ears so you're oblivious to it all.
If you take the advice given to prevent the shit, then there really is fuck all point.
Yes woman know your place, how dare you let yourself be abused, those men should be allowed to behave any way they want, how dare you take offence
There's nothing wrong with taking offence.
But hateful messages are part n parcel of online dating.
I regularly get messages saying I still look like a man and others threatening sexual and physical violence because I'm a Tgirl.
These messages won't stop.
If you can't handle it, maybes online dating isn't for you "
I think you need to read this conversation thread again and this is fabswingers, not Fabdaters. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I think you need to read this conversation thread again and this is fabswingers, not Fabdaters."
I was replying to a specific reply about hurtful messages, not to your original post.
P.S. the majority of people use this site for dating, not swinging. Fabswingers has evolved into a dating site |
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|
By *iliciousCouple
over a year ago
Sussex/Surrey |
"Last time I left I’d hid my profile for 12 months whilst I decided, never missed it so after the year I deleted my profile and stayed away a further 3 year. On the verge of quitting again, I’ve never know the site be as rude as it is at the moment, young males are constantly hitting for a meet, when they get declined they let off a torrent of abuse, 1 even said (I quote) “what the hell are you on here for if you aren’t meeting, cock teasing bitch”.
No need under normal circumstances let alone times of Covid
Once again - block males from contacting you then !!!!!!
Block messages. Don't look at updates.
Basically hide yourself away from everything, close your eyes and cover your ears so you're oblivious to it all.
If you take the advice given to prevent the shit, then there really is fuck all point.
"
The vast majority of complaints of abuse on here are from single women (sometimes couples) complaining about single men sending them offensive messages.
We don’t get any as we block single males. That means if we want to find a single male we put the work in.
If you don’t like a person’s updates then block them - they won’t appear,
It’s a website not a nursery. Use it properly and stop being so entitled, and you might get more out of it. |
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"
The vast majority of complaints of abuse on here are from single women (sometimes couples) complaining about single men sending them offensive messages.
We don’t get any as we block single males. That means if we want to find a single male we put the work in.
If you don’t like a person’s updates then block them - they won’t appear,
It’s a website not a nursery. Use it properly and stop being so entitled, and you might get more out of it. "
So you think it’s “entitled” to not want to receive abuse? That’s an interesting viewpoint. You also seem to think the onus is on women to avoid the abuse, not on men to stop giving it. That’s the online version of “she was asking for it” isn’t it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
The vast majority of complaints of abuse on here are from single women (sometimes couples) complaining about single men sending them offensive messages.
We don’t get any as we block single males. That means if we want to find a single male we put the work in.
If you don’t like a person’s updates then block them - they won’t appear,
It’s a website not a nursery. Use it properly and stop being so entitled, and you might get more out of it.
So you think it’s “entitled” to not want to receive abuse? That’s an interesting viewpoint. You also seem to think the onus is on women to avoid the abuse, not on men to stop giving it. That’s the online version of “she was asking for it” isn’t it?"
Or reasonable advice to try and make your fab experience more enjoyable.
It's all about perception |
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|
By *iliciousCouple
over a year ago
Sussex/Surrey |
"
The vast majority of complaints of abuse on here are from single women (sometimes couples) complaining about single men sending them offensive messages.
We don’t get any as we block single males. That means if we want to find a single male we put the work in.
If you don’t like a person’s updates then block them - they won’t appear,
It’s a website not a nursery. Use it properly and stop being so entitled, and you might get more out of it.
So you think it’s “entitled” to not want to receive abuse? That’s an interesting viewpoint. You also seem to think the onus is on women to avoid the abuse, not on men to stop giving it. That’s the online version of “she was asking for it” isn’t it?"
Not at all. There is no justification for any abuse of any kind. However there are tools you can use on the site to minimise your potential exposure to it.
|
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|
By *renzMan
over a year ago
Between Chichester and Havant |
"
I think you need to read this conversation thread again and this is fabswingers, not Fabdaters.
I was replying to a specific reply about hurtful messages, not to your original post.
P.S. the majority of people use this site for dating, not swinging. Fabswingers has evolved into a dating site "
It may well be becoming a dating site, the majority use it as a social media site, rather than the original mo. |
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"
The vast majority of complaints of abuse on here are from single women (sometimes couples) complaining about single men sending them offensive messages.
We don’t get any as we block single males. That means if we want to find a single male we put the work in.
If you don’t like a person’s updates then block them - they won’t appear,
It’s a website not a nursery. Use it properly and stop being so entitled, and you might get more out of it.
So you think it’s “entitled” to not want to receive abuse? That’s an interesting viewpoint. You also seem to think the onus is on women to avoid the abuse, not on men to stop giving it. That’s the online version of “she was asking for it” isn’t it?
Or reasonable advice to try and make your fab experience more enjoyable.
It's all about perception "
Next you'll be saying that women should cover up in public in case they get unwanted attention from men! |
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"
I think you need to read this conversation thread again and this is fabswingers, not Fabdaters.
I was replying to a specific reply about hurtful messages, not to your original post.
P.S. the majority of people use this site for dating, not swinging. Fabswingers has evolved into a dating site
It may well be becoming a dating site, the majority use it as a social media site, rather than the original mo."
Folk can use this site in any way they wish however, this is a swinging site and that's the starting point. |
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|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
The vast majority of complaints of abuse on here are from single women (sometimes couples) complaining about single men sending them offensive messages.
We don’t get any as we block single males. That means if we want to find a single male we put the work in.
If you don’t like a person’s updates then block them - they won’t appear,
It’s a website not a nursery. Use it properly and stop being so entitled, and you might get more out of it.
So you think it’s “entitled” to not want to receive abuse? That’s an interesting viewpoint. You also seem to think the onus is on women to avoid the abuse, not on men to stop giving it. That’s the online version of “she was asking for it” isn’t it?
Or reasonable advice to try and make your fab experience more enjoyable.
It's all about perception
Next you'll be saying that women should cover up in public in case they get unwanted attention from men!"
Not at all
But I do think it's quite silly to compare the two since most of us control fab from the comfort of our living rooms |
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|
By *aulj69Man
over a year ago
dunstable |
Interesting chat here, I'm in my early 50's have popped in and out of the scene, made some good friends but most have moved on, I'm a genuine friendly bisexual guy but find it hard to even attract any attention here, I have a high sex drive but feel especially the younger women think maybe I'm just a bit of a perv? Lol. Seriously I've never sent any abusive messages just think it's plain fucking rude but on a final note if anyone is interested please check me out (before I retire) Lol. Paul in chilly Bedfordshire Xx |
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"
The vast majority of complaints of abuse on here are from single women (sometimes couples) complaining about single men sending them offensive messages.
We don’t get any as we block single males. That means if we want to find a single male we put the work in.
If you don’t like a person’s updates then block them - they won’t appear,
It’s a website not a nursery. Use it properly and stop being so entitled, and you might get more out of it.
So you think it’s “entitled” to not want to receive abuse? That’s an interesting viewpoint. You also seem to think the onus is on women to avoid the abuse, not on men to stop giving it. That’s the online version of “she was asking for it” isn’t it?
Or reasonable advice to try and make your fab experience more enjoyable.
It's all about perception
Next you'll be saying that women should cover up in public in case they get unwanted attention from men!
Not at all
But I do think it's quite silly to compare the two since most of us control fab from the comfort of our living rooms "
I think it absolutely awful that you think women should block a whole gender to save them from getting the well documented abuse discussed frequently on here. That IS victim blaming.
|
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|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
The vast majority of complaints of abuse on here are from single women (sometimes couples) complaining about single men sending them offensive messages.
We don’t get any as we block single males. That means if we want to find a single male we put the work in.
If you don’t like a person’s updates then block them - they won’t appear,
It’s a website not a nursery. Use it properly and stop being so entitled, and you might get more out of it.
So you think it’s “entitled” to not want to receive abuse? That’s an interesting viewpoint. You also seem to think the onus is on women to avoid the abuse, not on men to stop giving it. That’s the online version of “she was asking for it” isn’t it?
Or reasonable advice to try and make your fab experience more enjoyable.
It's all about perception
Next you'll be saying that women should cover up in public in case they get unwanted attention from men!
Not at all
But I do think it's quite silly to compare the two since most of us control fab from the comfort of our living rooms
I think it absolutely awful that you think women should block a whole gender to save them from getting the well documented abuse discussed frequently on here. That IS victim blaming.
"
Ot really isn't...it's a perfectly reasonable way for women to take control in a sphere that they actively choose to be part of in order for to avoid experiencing the angst that we so often see on here.
Things are altogether different in real life |
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By * Plus ECouple
over a year ago
The South |
"
The vast majority of complaints of abuse on here are from single women (sometimes couples) complaining about single men sending them offensive messages.
We don’t get any as we block single males. That means if we want to find a single male we put the work in.
If you don’t like a person’s updates then block them - they won’t appear,
It’s a website not a nursery. Use it properly and stop being so entitled, and you might get more out of it.
So you think it’s “entitled” to not want to receive abuse? That’s an interesting viewpoint. You also seem to think the onus is on women to avoid the abuse, not on men to stop giving it. That’s the online version of “she was asking for it” isn’t it?
Or reasonable advice to try and make your fab experience more enjoyable.
It's all about perception
Next you'll be saying that women should cover up in public in case they get unwanted attention from men!
Not at all
But I do think it's quite silly to compare the two since most of us control fab from the comfort of our living rooms
I think it absolutely awful that you think women should block a whole gender to save them from getting the well documented abuse discussed frequently on here. That IS victim blaming.
"
This. ^^^^
Why should we block all men because a minority of them are twats?
Surely it's incumbent on people to be decent, respectful human beings.
E
|
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I’m starting to become totally bored by the whole web site and scene probably due to not meeting for a year . My interest in sex is taking a nose dive and I’ve filled my life up with other things ..... so sex is on the back burner and just not on the priority list ... don’t miss it at all |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Why should we block all men because a minority of them are twats?
"
Just to jump in with a quick point in reply to this.
Its not a minority in my case.
It's a majority who ask me for an immediate meet or hurl abuse at me.
Before I blocked men messaging I'd get upwards of 200 messages a day.
Only 10 or so did not involve an immediate meet or abuse.
Sorry to post again here, just wanted to give another perspective on this point.
|
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By * Plus ECouple
over a year ago
The South |
"
Why should we block all men because a minority of them are twats?
Just to jump in with a quick point in reply to this.
Its not a minority in my case.
It's a majority who ask me for an immediate meet or hurl abuse at me.
Before I blocked men messaging I'd get upwards of 200 messages a day.
Only 10 or so did not involve an immediate meet or abuse.
Sorry to post again here, just wanted to give another perspective on this point.
"
My point, (not arguing yours) is why should we be forced to block an entire gender because of the dicks.
We shouldn't feel it necessary to block them all, their behaviours are at fault.
For balance, we had our fair share of complete eedjits. We've also had great messages from great guys.
The good ones are out there. They're often outnumbered by the cockwombles.
Hope you've got a happy box now. 
E |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Hope you've got a happy box now.
E"
It's bliss haha
I'm just shocked at the amount of messages I got to meet even though lockdown, Covid etc
It would be nice if men behaved, but unfortunately that's all part n parcel of sites like this.
If they get blocked or banned they just make a new account.
Also, I've found I've made better friends through the forum instead of via random messages, so having men blocked isn't all bad, as there are good people in the forum |
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"
Hope you've got a happy box now.
E
It's bliss haha
I'm just shocked at the amount of messages I got to meet even though lockdown, Covid etc
It would be nice if men behaved, but unfortunately that's all part n parcel of sites like this.
If they get blocked or banned they just make a new account.
Also, I've found I've made better friends through the forum instead of via random messages, so having men blocked isn't all bad, as there are good people in the forum "
There's some real diamonds. Shitter of it is if they did want to send a message of support, good wishes, asking for advice even, they can't because they're blocked.
It's donkey dung |
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|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
There's some real diamonds. Shitter of it is if they did want to send a message of support, good wishes, asking for advice even, they can't because they're blocked.
It's donkey dung "
Hopefully once this Covid mess is sorted out normality can return.
We are all feeling it at the moment and have to do what we feel is necessary to make Fab as enjoyable as possible.
Through forum interacrion I can tell who im likely to get on with and I'll often send a frist message so they can reply. The filters allow this to happen if I message first. |
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By * Plus ECouple
over a year ago
The South |
"
Hope you've got a happy box now.
E
It's bliss haha
I'm just shocked at the amount of messages I got to meet even though lockdown, Covid etc
It would be nice if men behaved, but unfortunately that's all part n parcel of sites like this.
If they get blocked or banned they just make a new account.
Also, I've found I've made better friends through the forum instead of via random messages, so having men blocked isn't all bad, as there are good people in the forum "
I'm quite new to the forums, but I've chatted to some lovely people, think I've only blocked one couple who were being abusive and insulting to me. (I think it was roid rage got to him)
But I've blocked literally dozens from messaging.
Maybe the way to find the diamonds is through the forums.....
They "seem" like more *balanced human beings.
E
*appearances can be deceptive |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Reading through the recent posts here, I'm truly shocked at the abuse people get on here by men.
Makes me feel guilty by association. What the hell happened to gentlemanliness, politeness, common courtesy, and just old fashioned good manners?.
As for receiving 200 messages a day, well, if thats the norm gor a lot of ladies and ts/tv/tg, then I can fully understand why I never get any sort of reply when I'm up against numbers like that.
I genuinely want yo cultivate dialogue with people but doing it by messaging is just a waste of time. No wonder a lot of people just stay with the forums.
200 a day!!!!!!!! WOWZERS!! |
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"
Hope you've got a happy box now.
E
It's bliss haha
I'm just shocked at the amount of messages I got to meet even though lockdown, Covid etc
It would be nice if men behaved, but unfortunately that's all part n parcel of sites like this.
If they get blocked or banned they just make a new account.
Also, I've found I've made better friends through the forum instead of via random messages, so having men blocked isn't all bad, as there are good people in the forum
I'm quite new to the forums, but I've chatted to some lovely people, think I've only blocked one couple who were being abusive and insulting to me. (I think it was roid rage got to him)
But I've blocked literally dozens from messaging.
Maybe the way to find the diamonds is through the forums.....
They "seem" like more *balanced human beings.
E
*appearances can be deceptive "
Balanced  even my scales tell me I need to stand on my feet not my head for an accurate reading |
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|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Why should we block all men because a minority of them are twats?
Just to jump in with a quick point in reply to this.
Its not a minority in my case.
It's a majority who ask me for an immediate meet or hurl abuse at me.
Before I blocked men messaging I'd get upwards of 200 messages a day.
Only 10 or so did not involve an immediate meet or abuse.
Sorry to post again here, just wanted to give another perspective on this point.
"
No need to apologise ever, your comments, prospective should be heard & we should be made aware.
It's disgusting that so many behave in this way it's shameful & a disappointment to those of us who are decent, courteous & respectful. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
We have been here for 4 years .. met some lovely couples and single males .. gone to and held parties . we love the social side of fab .. all the people we know on here are not using there profiles at the moment . Cos this is not normal fab .. hoping they all come back when everything calms down again .. xx
|
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By *iliciousCouple
over a year ago
Sussex/Surrey |
"
The vast majority of complaints of abuse on here are from single women (sometimes couples) complaining about single men sending them offensive messages.
We don’t get any as we block single males. That means if we want to find a single male we put the work in.
If you don’t like a person’s updates then block them - they won’t appear,
It’s a website not a nursery. Use it properly and stop being so entitled, and you might get more out of it.
So you think it’s “entitled” to not want to receive abuse? That’s an interesting viewpoint. You also seem to think the onus is on women to avoid the abuse, not on men to stop giving it. That’s the online version of “she was asking for it” isn’t it?
Or reasonable advice to try and make your fab experience more enjoyable.
It's all about perception
Next you'll be saying that women should cover up in public in case they get unwanted attention from men!
Not at all
But I do think it's quite silly to compare the two since most of us control fab from the comfort of our living rooms
I think it absolutely awful that you think women should block a whole gender to save them from getting the well documented abuse discussed frequently on here. That IS victim blaming.
"
Of course it isn’t victim blaming. No one should get abuse but what else are you going to do to stop it? The only way would be for there to be compulsory paid membership linked to proof of identity, which would feasibly cut down the chancers and idiots. Short of that, you are leaving your mailbox open to all and sundry to have a go - and, sadly, if they can then it seems from lots of comments that many will.
It’s a case of seeing the world as it is, not as you would like it to be. This is an anonymous website. You will get bad behaviour which you would not get (to such an extent) in real life.
Do you go to work every day and leave your front door open with a laptop and a wallet in full view? If you did, and were burgled, and the polo ice and insurance company told you it was really your own fault for not taking basic, sensible precautions, would you cry “victim shaming” then?
Use the tools available to you in order to minimise your potential exposure to abuse; vigorously report any which might still come through; relax and enjoy the site by using it in a different, and safer, way than you have been up to now. Good luck x |
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"
The vast majority of complaints of abuse on here are from single women (sometimes couples) complaining about single men sending them offensive messages.
We don’t get any as we block single males. That means if we want to find a single male we put the work in.
If you don’t like a person’s updates then block them - they won’t appear,
It’s a website not a nursery. Use it properly and stop being so entitled, and you might get more out of it.
So you think it’s “entitled” to not want to receive abuse? That’s an interesting viewpoint. You also seem to think the onus is on women to avoid the abuse, not on men to stop giving it. That’s the online version of “she was asking for it” isn’t it?
Or reasonable advice to try and make your fab experience more enjoyable.
It's all about perception
Next you'll be saying that women should cover up in public in case they get unwanted attention from men!
Not at all
But I do think it's quite silly to compare the two since most of us control fab from the comfort of our living rooms
I think it absolutely awful that you think women should block a whole gender to save them from getting the well documented abuse discussed frequently on here. That IS victim blaming.
Of course it isn’t victim blaming. No one should get abuse but what else are you going to do to stop it? The only way would be for there to be compulsory paid membership linked to proof of identity, which would feasibly cut down the chancers and idiots. Short of that, you are leaving your mailbox open to all and sundry to have a go - and, sadly, if they can then it seems from lots of comments that many will.
It’s a case of seeing the world as it is, not as you would like it to be. This is an anonymous website. You will get bad behaviour which you would not get (to such an extent) in real life.
Do you go to work every day and leave your front door open with a laptop and a wallet in full view? If you did, and were burgled, and the polo ice and insurance company told you it was really your own fault for not taking basic, sensible precautions, would you cry “victim shaming” then?
Use the tools available to you in order to minimise your potential exposure to abuse; vigorously report any which might still come through; relax and enjoy the site by using it in a different, and safer, way than you have been up to now. Good luck x"
Now mansplaining!
Happy Fabbing. |
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|
By * Plus ECouple
over a year ago
The South |
"
The vast majority of complaints of abuse on here are from single women (sometimes couples) complaining about single men sending them offensive messages.
We don’t get any as we block single males. That means if we want to find a single male we put the work in.
If you don’t like a person’s updates then block them - they won’t appear,
It’s a website not a nursery. Use it properly and stop being so entitled, and you might get more out of it.
So you think it’s “entitled” to not want to receive abuse? That’s an interesting viewpoint. You also seem to think the onus is on women to avoid the abuse, not on men to stop giving it. That’s the online version of “she was asking for it” isn’t it?
Or reasonable advice to try and make your fab experience more enjoyable.
It's all about perception
Next you'll be saying that women should cover up in public in case they get unwanted attention from men!
Not at all
But I do think it's quite silly to compare the two since most of us control fab from the comfort of our living rooms
I think it absolutely awful that you think women should block a whole gender to save them from getting the well documented abuse discussed frequently on here. That IS victim blaming.
Of course it isn’t victim blaming. No one should get abuse but what else are you going to do to stop it? The only way would be for there to be compulsory paid membership linked to proof of identity, which would feasibly cut down the chancers and idiots. Short of that, you are leaving your mailbox open to all and sundry to have a go - and, sadly, if they can then it seems from lots of comments that many will.
It’s a case of seeing the world as it is, not as you would like it to be. This is an anonymous website. You will get bad behaviour which you would not get (to such an extent) in real life.
Do you go to work every day and leave your front door open with a laptop and a wallet in full view? If you did, and were burgled, and the polo ice and insurance company told you it was really your own fault for not taking basic, sensible precautions, would you cry “victim shaming” then?
Use the tools available to you in order to minimise your potential exposure to abuse; vigorously report any which might still come through; relax and enjoy the site by using it in a different, and safer, way than you have been up to now. Good luck x"
Hilarious.
So rather than try to educate and eradicate poor behaviours, we should all hide our profiles?
We should simply accept it?
That's a hard no from me.
Thanks for the advice and empathy.
5 will get you 10 a man wrote this.
E |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I think fab is a great place. Some people are turds just like in real life.
But I would never have met some of the amazing people I have through this site in every day life
I’m staying! |
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By *renzMan
over a year ago
Between Chichester and Havant |
"
I think you need to read this conversation thread again and this is fabswingers, not Fabdaters.
I was replying to a specific reply about hurtful messages, not to your original post.
P.S. the majority of people use this site for dating, not swinging. Fabswingers has evolved into a dating site
It may well be becoming a dating site, the majority use it as a social media site, rather than the original mo.
Folk can use this site in any way they wish however, this is a swinging site and that's the starting point."
People can, of course as you say, use fab in any way they choose. Unfortunately for me the way they choose to, no longer suits me.
As someone who has been in the community for 21 plus years, used to be on other sites, anyone remember starlight? Poached from there to populate another site and given a lifetime membership, before discovering fab in 200?, can't remember exactly what year, but before all this I used contact magazines quite successfully. I joined to actively meet other like-minded people, which to me the site is becoming something else. Of course we can't meet at the moment, so I may stay a while longer and see what happens apres covid. If nothing changes it may well be adiós! |
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By *adMerWoman
over a year ago
Sandwich |
I have been using this site on and off for over 10 years. I have left and come back and then regretted deleting my original profile. I just hide it when I feel that I have had enough.
I do use my message filters. Yes it means that I have to make a bit more effort to find profiles that interest me, but sending a wink then bypasses the filter so they can message if interested. I also turn my filters off occasionally, usually for no more than 24 hrs. I get a lot of dross and some abuse but also find the occasional gem too.
I much more enjoy this site now I have found ways to make it work for me rather than drowning in a sea of useless cocks. |
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|
By *iliciousCouple
over a year ago
Sussex/Surrey |
"
The vast majority of complaints of abuse on here are from single women (sometimes couples) complaining about single men sending them offensive messages.
We don’t get any as we block single males. That means if we want to find a single male we put the work in.
If you don’t like a person’s updates then block them - they won’t appear,
It’s a website not a nursery. Use it properly and stop being so entitled, and you might get more out of it.
So you think it’s “entitled” to not want to receive abuse? That’s an interesting viewpoint. You also seem to think the onus is on women to avoid the abuse, not on men to stop giving it. That’s the online version of “she was asking for it” isn’t it?
Or reasonable advice to try and make your fab experience more enjoyable.
It's all about perception
Next you'll be saying that women should cover up in public in case they get unwanted attention from men!
Not at all
But I do think it's quite silly to compare the two since most of us control fab from the comfort of our living rooms
I think it absolutely awful that you think women should block a whole gender to save them from getting the well documented abuse discussed frequently on here. That IS victim blaming.
Of course it isn’t victim blaming. No one should get abuse but what else are you going to do to stop it? The only way would be for there to be compulsory paid membership linked to proof of identity, which would feasibly cut down the chancers and idiots. Short of that, you are leaving your mailbox open to all and sundry to have a go - and, sadly, if they can then it seems from lots of comments that many will.
It’s a case of seeing the world as it is, not as you would like it to be. This is an anonymous website. You will get bad behaviour which you would not get (to such an extent) in real life.
Do you go to work every day and leave your front door open with a laptop and a wallet in full view? If you did, and were burgled, and the polo ice and insurance company told you it was really your own fault for not taking basic, sensible precautions, would you cry “victim shaming” then?
Use the tools available to you in order to minimise your potential exposure to abuse; vigorously report any which might still come through; relax and enjoy the site by using it in a different, and safer, way than you have been up to now. Good luck x
Hilarious.
So rather than try to educate and eradicate poor behaviours, we should all hide our profiles?
We should simply accept it?
That's a hard no from me.
Thanks for the advice and empathy.
5 will get you 10 a man wrote this.
E"
Yes it’s a man. And one who isn’t as hostile as the woman who wrote the above maybe?
No don’t accept it. Carry on as you were not accepting it. Have fun being angry and moaning on the forums about it.
If you know a way to educate and inform to eradicate the behaviour then I’m sure everyone would love to hear how it is to be done.
In the meantime - try to be nice yourself eh? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've been involved in the swinging/alternative scene for over a quarter of a century.
If honest I have to say it's been on the decline for sometime now, covid is just one factor.
It was more fun and exclusive years back the rise of the internet hasn't necessarily been for the best.
The net is full of chancers who have no respect for themselves, never mind strangers.
OP it won't get any better I'm afraid so good luck with whatever you decide to do.
"
This rang so true for me. Have been part of the London alternative scene for over 2 decades. Small clubs in Vauxhall and the like onto TG @ Mass, London Bridge and Vauxhall.
Something has definitely changed and not for the better.
I stopped going to TG as it became a fashion show rather that a meeting place. Most small clubs closed and BDSM,D/s, M/s all became about impact play! Which says it all really.
Impact = beating the crap out of someone, sooo not my thing and
Play = casual encounters, again not my thing.
I can appreciate precisely how you feel. |
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"I've been involved in the swinging/alternative scene for over a quarter of a century.
If honest I have to say it's been on the decline for sometime now, covid is just one factor.
It was more fun and exclusive years back the rise of the internet hasn't necessarily been for the best.
The net is full of chancers who have no respect for themselves, never mind strangers.
OP it won't get any better I'm afraid so good luck with whatever you decide to do.
This rang so true for me. Have been part of the London alternative scene for over 2 decades. Small clubs in Vauxhall and the like onto TG @ Mass, London Bridge and Vauxhall.
Something has definitely changed and not for the better.
I stopped going to TG as it became a fashion show rather that a meeting place. Most small clubs closed and BDSM,D/s, M/s all became about impact play! Which says it all really.
Impact = beating the crap out of someone, sooo not my thing and
Play = casual encounters, again not my thing.
I can appreciate precisely how you feel."
I dabbled in the BDSM scene a little and it all seemed to be peacocks strutting their floggers and becoming mortally offended if someone's definition of the rules didn't match theirs. I also felt I was playing at it without a level of understanding of the reasons I participated.
I did meet some amazing people though, particularly notable was a sadistic rigger who produced some mind blowing situations with such knowledge and skill, he actually understood what he was doing.
|
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"
Yes it’s a man. And one who isn’t as hostile as the woman who wrote the above maybe?
No don’t accept it. Carry on as you were not accepting it. Have fun being angry and moaning on the forums about it.
If you know a way to educate and inform to eradicate the behaviour then I’m sure everyone would love to hear how it is to be done.
In the meantime - try to be nice yourself eh? "
The point that they’re making is a very valid one, which is that a man (who doesn’t have our lived experiences as women) shouldn’t be telling women that it is our responsibility to avoid online harassment/sexual harassment/sexual assault/etc etc etc, rather than mens’ responsibility to not perpetrate any of those. As for the education, perhaps you as a man could suggest a way to get through to your fellow men? If more men made it crystal clear to other men that their behaviour won’t be tolerated, it would help to eradicate that behaviour. |
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|
By *iliciousCouple
over a year ago
Sussex/Surrey |
"
Yes it’s a man. And one who isn’t as hostile as the woman who wrote the above maybe?
No don’t accept it. Carry on as you were not accepting it. Have fun being angry and moaning on the forums about it.
If you know a way to educate and inform to eradicate the behaviour then I’m sure everyone would love to hear how it is to be done.
In the meantime - try to be nice yourself eh?
The point that they’re making is a very valid one, which is that a man (who doesn’t have our lived experiences as women) shouldn’t be telling women that it is our responsibility to avoid online harassment/sexual harassment/sexual assault/etc etc etc, rather than mens’ responsibility to not perpetrate any of those. As for the education, perhaps you as a man could suggest a way to get through to your fellow men? If more men made it crystal clear to other men that their behaviour won’t be tolerated, it would help to eradicate that behaviour."
Several comments up I said that any abuse is wrong. And then I repeated it.
I just suggested that there were ways in this website to reduce the exposure to it.
I can see the way you want to take this. If you want to turn this into a gender war exchange then I’m sorry but I’m not being drawn in. |
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"Nearly 60 years old and ten years of swinging and I just can't be bothered anymore.
I've taken breaks before but I think this is it.
Has anyone here thought the same but changed their mind?"
Hello Topsy, I’ve only just come back after logging off in early April. Getting to 50 made me realise most people want younger guys so I bowed out gracefully. |
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|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I've only been here a short while, but some ladies have discussed some pretty unpleasant experiences. I'm amazed some of them carry on. However, I do not feel responsible for the men who are arseholes any more than their female counterparts. If anyone is being unpleasant to another site member, well that's what moderators are for. Failing that, try group humiliation. |
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|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
The vast majority of complaints of abuse on here are from single women (sometimes couples) complaining about single men sending them offensive messages.
We don’t get any as we block single males. That means if we want to find a single male we put the work in.
If you don’t like a person’s updates then block them - they won’t appear,
It’s a website not a nursery. Use it properly and stop being so entitled, and you might get more out of it.
So you think it’s “entitled” to not want to receive abuse? That’s an interesting viewpoint. You also seem to think the onus is on women to avoid the abuse, not on men to stop giving it. That’s the online version of “she was asking for it” isn’t it?
Or reasonable advice to try and make your fab experience more enjoyable.
It's all about perception
Next you'll be saying that women should cover up in public in case they get unwanted attention from men!
Not at all
But I do think it's quite silly to compare the two since most of us control fab from the comfort of our living rooms
I think it absolutely awful that you think women should block a whole gender to save them from getting the well documented abuse discussed frequently on here. That IS victim blaming.
Of course it isn’t victim blaming. No one should get abuse but what else are you going to do to stop it? The only way would be for there to be compulsory paid membership linked to proof of identity, which would feasibly cut down the chancers and idiots. Short of that, you are leaving your mailbox open to all and sundry to have a go - and, sadly, if they can then it seems from lots of comments that many will.
It’s a case of seeing the world as it is, not as you would like it to be. This is an anonymous website. You will get bad behaviour which you would not get (to such an extent) in real life.
Do you go to work every day and leave your front door open with a laptop and a wallet in full view? If you did, and were burgled, and the polo ice and insurance company told you it was really your own fault for not taking basic, sensible precautions, would you cry “victim shaming” then?
Use the tools available to you in order to minimise your potential exposure to abuse; vigorously report any which might still come through; relax and enjoy the site by using it in a different, and safer, way than you have been up to now. Good luck x"
|
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|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've been involved in the swinging/alternative scene for over a quarter of a century.
If honest I have to say it's been on the decline for sometime now, covid is just one factor.
It was more fun and exclusive years back the rise of the internet hasn't necessarily been for the best.
The net is full of chancers who have no respect for themselves, never mind strangers.
OP it won't get any better I'm afraid so good luck with whatever you decide to do.
This rang so true for me. Have been part of the London alternative scene for over 2 decades. Small clubs in Vauxhall and the like onto TG @ Mass, London Bridge and Vauxhall.
Something has definitely changed and not for the better.
I stopped going to TG as it became a fashion show rather that a meeting place. Most small clubs closed and BDSM,D/s, M/s all became about impact play! Which says it all really.
Impact = beating the crap out of someone, sooo not my thing and
Play = casual encounters, again not my thing.
I can appreciate precisely how you feel.
I dabbled in the BDSM scene a little and it all seemed to be peacocks strutting their floggers and becoming mortally offended if someone's definition of the rules didn't match theirs. I also felt I was playing at it without a level of understanding of the reasons I participated.
I did meet some amazing people though, particularly notable was a sadistic rigger who produced some mind blowing situations with such knowledge and skill, he actually understood what he was doing.
"
Those were the days when it really was Safe,sane and consensual. Now any numb nuts can call himself a Dom and the pro Dommes out numberall other females (pre covid) at events. So I left!
Change happens,I accept that but the internet has not been kind to the alternative world as it's become all about the money.
I wish you the very best with whatever you decide. |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
I am not sure how this veered into BDSM, but I would like to put an alternative view.
I get frustrated when people look at the past with rose tinted glasses.
Where there were small groups of conscientious people it was possibly safer in those groups. But outside of those groups there was a still a lot of abuse. Now there is more education, more discussion of sub experiences. I have recently listened to quite a few kink podcasts where women have clearly set out what is acceptable behaviour and what is not. There is a mountain of workshops and articles on consent and negotiation. Back in the day the sub's or bottom's role was not to complain. Now on the site that can't be mentioned people are letting others know who is dangerous. There was recently really acrimonious debate on how to keep people safe.These discusions, resources and platforms did not exist before, or where not easily available. There was not the ability to share information.
People need to get educated before they embark on BDSM which is why I am wary of natural dominants and submissives who don't believe in education.
In regard to hard impact just because a person does not like it does not mean it is bad. The mantra is "my kink is not your kink but I respect your right to do it".
It is down to what both the sub/bottom and dom/Top want to do. There is a load of people who love hard impact and a load of people who don't. It is all a question of informed consent which should not be confused with abuse. BDSM covers a wide spectrum of activity and in the same way if people want to do light and fluffy kink and stay in the shallow end they should not be disrespected. Similarly those who want to play in the deep end with the darker water should not be disrespected. There are too many people trying to stop consenting adults playing in the dark waters.
While I am at it I like floggers and flogging. I also like rope, people don't understand that a decent rigger needs only one hank of rope to do a good scene (look up ichinawa and Esinem's and Ilka Noir's scene). Rope does not have to be intricate (unless you are into pretty rope). Good rigging does not have to be flashy.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I generally find it soul crushing and rarely brings me any joy. I was on before and met some brilliant people and had great fun times both at individual meets and club night.
Of course I live in hope that amazing special meet is out there just waiting to fire if its sparks of electricity, but it feels less and less likely.
Stories of arseholes and rampant unreliable fantasists make me sad. Bleak lonely chat room packs waiting for a grain of attention make me sad.
The fact that it sometimes makes me think of TS Eliot’s ‘This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but with a whimper’ makes me deeply annoyed at myself.
I salute the happy few finding joy and meaning amidst the static noise, you’re remarkable. |
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