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Swinging and dating
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Does anyone else find conventional dating really awkward after being involved with swinging?
Like how do I bring it up to a girl that I wanna watch her with other guys and my friends or that I want her to see me with other girls?
That coupled with a love of kink makes it a messy situation, for me anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes I do. I'm married so not usually looking for a relationship, but I would have a serious boyfriend or girlfriend with the right person if it worked for all three of us. Any social meets or dates I've had in the past that weren't supposed to be about sex ended talking about swinging, doing porn, and I've always ended up then having sex on the first "date".
It's never been a problem to be fair, I've had some great times and it's lead to one relationship and some FWB while I've been swinging as well as some great one night stands, so no complaints.
But the whole take it slow vanilla dating thing always goes out the window. However, even before I was married or started swinging I had sex on 1st dates, so it might just be going slow doesn't work for me full stop. Xx |
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"Does anyone else find conventional dating really awkward after being involved with swinging?
Like how do I bring it up to a girl that I wanna watch her with other guys and my friends or that I want her to see me with other girls?
That coupled with a love of kink makes it a messy situation, for me anyway. "
Just date me op..  |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Does anyone else find conventional dating really awkward after being involved with swinging?
Like how do I bring it up to a girl that I wanna watch her with other guys and my friends or that I want her to see me with other girls?
That coupled with a love of kink makes it a messy situation, for me anyway. "
Hook up with someone on here.
Makes it much easier.
A |
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By *uzie69xTV/TS
over a year ago
Maidstone |
"That coupled with a love of kink makes it a messy situation, for me anyway. "
Why not look for, and develop a relationship with a Fabber? I met my bf of two years now on Fab. We do have some trust issues but no different from a conventional meet... Better than living a lie? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Tbf, if I was ever to date, my sexual appetites would be one of the first things I would want to discuss, once I realised I wanted to see the person again... I don't see the point in pussy footing around it and wouldn't want to end up with feelings for someone I wasn't also sexually compatible with |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for the input folks! I find hooking up with people easy off dating apps and they’re all up for hearing about other girls etc but as soon as the idea of me being actually into swinging comes up most turn cold.
Shame, I haven’t looked back since getting involved, but it would be nice to have a serious partner again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My advice would be to put it on your profile here what you are looking for relationship wise and see what comes of it...
I'm on the vanilla dating sites but I am becoming more open to idea of being shared. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I totally get this it’s so difficult dating these days especially if there is a level of kink desired.
Finding safe ways to test any boundaries in conversation is so so important |
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I found the same issues with my dressing. Most women were ok with it being in my past but when I wanted to reintroduce it into my life they couldn't really cope and didn't want to be involved with it. |
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
I’ve found that great friendships have developed through fab and other sites when you really get on with someone. You’ll find what you’re looking for when you least expect it.
I’ve been to two Fab weddings in two years so it is possible to meet your soulmate. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It’s not that I’m necessarily looking to date, but with any potential partners I feel like it’s something to disclose. Was more food for thought and just curious on people’s takes and experiences really.
Good reading material on my day off. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"I’ve found that great friendships have developed through fab and other sites when you really get on with someone. You’ll find what you’re looking for when you least expect it.
I’ve been to two Fab weddings in two years so it is possible to meet your soulmate. "
I've never understood why people often claim you can't meet a partner on here or similar sites. Why not?
It's no different to meeting anywhere else. Some relationships will work, some won't. Same as the outside world. Sometimes swingles will get together and carry on swinging. Sometimes they stop. Sometimes they take a break.
You're as likely to meet someone here as anywhere else. And there'll be no awkward conversations about previous activities, kinks and attitudes that you'd encounter with someone outside of swinging.
A |
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"I couldn’t have a relationship with someone I’d met on fab but could come on fab fab with someone I met on pof "
Nah, if you read the post above yours, you don’t know until you meet someone.
Perfectly possible that you can start a relationship on fab and jointly decide to pause or stop swinging, or ramp up your activity lol. |
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Although I hope never to be the situation where I have to start worrying about Dating and all that entrails again, I think if was to have to start dating I would probably try here first.
I think it's easier to be honest about what your looking and to find it in a place that is populated with like minded individuals.
How successful you would be though is a bit more of an interesting question as this is primarily a site for no strings attached sex and swinging rather than a site for those looking for a more involved relationship.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for the input folks! I find hooking up with people easy off dating apps and they’re all up for hearing about other girls etc but as soon as the idea of me being actually into swinging comes up most turn cold.
Shame, I haven’t looked back since getting involved, but it would be nice to have a serious partner again. "
Pre Covid, obviously, but I’ve always found it far, far easier hooking up with people on dating apps than on here!
I don’t know how I’ve managed it, but I’d say a good 60% of the girls I’ve met on dating sites have all been on Fab, Fet or suchlike. It just falls into conversation. |
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"Does anyone else find conventional dating really awkward after being involved with swinging?
Like how do I bring it up to a girl that I wanna watch her with other guys and my friends or that I want her to see me with other girls?
That coupled with a love of kink makes it a messy situation, for me anyway. "
I think it can be once you’re accustomed to the openness of somewhere like fab.
I’ve also found it can work the other way though. The guys I meet on fab are accustomed to discussing sex etc at a social and don’t automatically assume that because you’ve discussed what you enjoy you’re immediately going to do it together there and then!
Fab ‘gentlemen’ know that a great social leads to even greater sex - usually more than once!
I’ve found if sex is even mentioned with someone on a vanilla site they assume you’re a ‘goer’ and it’s going to happen immediately. Very immature.
I’m not looking for anything more than fwb’s currently - but I do fall for someone I hope it’s someone from fab - it’d be a lot less complicated than trying to bring someone over to the dark side! X
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"Thanks for the input folks! I find hooking up with people easy off dating apps and they’re all up for hearing about other girls etc but as soon as the idea of me being actually into swinging comes up most turn cold.
Shame, I haven’t looked back since getting involved, but it would be nice to have a serious partner again.
Pre Covid, obviously, but I’ve always found it far, far easier hooking up with people on dating apps than on here!
I don’t know how I’ve managed it, but I’d say a good 60% of the girls I’ve met on dating sites have all been on Fab, Fet or suchlike. It just falls into conversation. "
Really? I don’t think I’ve ever met a guy on a dating site who’s been on fab - but a few have contacted me on dating sites to tell me they recognise me on fab. They seem to think they’ve caught me out in some way. Odd! X |
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Meeting val nearly 5 years ago I told her in the first conversation what I was about swinging and clubs.she was as vanilla as they come but went with it. now we have fucked in clubs in the couples rooms next to others slowly slowly we are taking it. she loves it now. honesty is the best policy from the start.  some will run others will not |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"I couldn’t have a relationship with someone I’d met on fab but could come on fab fab with someone I met on pof "
Why?
Are you assuming the women on Fab are somehow different to the women on PoF or that the PoF community have never engaged in casual, meaningless sex?
Because if so....I have some magic beans id be interested in selling you. 
A |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’ve found that great friendships have developed through fab and other sites when you really get on with someone. You’ll find what you’re looking for when you least expect it.
I’ve been to two Fab weddings in two years so it is possible to meet your soulmate.
I've never understood why people often claim you can't meet a partner on here or similar sites. Why not?
It's no different to meeting anywhere else. Some relationships will work, some won't. Same as the outside world. Sometimes swingles will get together and carry on swinging. Sometimes they stop. Sometimes they take a break.
You're as likely to meet someone here as anywhere else. And there'll be no awkward conversations about previous activities, kinks and attitudes that you'd encounter with someone outside of swinging.
A"
I actually get more interest on here than on the vanilla dating sites so would presume I have a better chance of finding that someone on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Really? I don’t think I’ve ever met a guy on a dating site who’s been on fab - but a few have contacted me on dating sites to tell me they recognise me on fab. They seem to think they’ve caught me out in some way. Odd! X"
I’d say I’ve just managed to find people who are a bit more open mindedness liberated. There’s probably been clues to it in their dating profile or on certain dating sites you could state your intentions and why you were on the site |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I don’t think I’ve ever met a guy on a dating site who’s been on fab - but a few have contacted me on dating sites to tell me they recognise me on fab. They seem to think they’ve caught me out in some way. Odd! X"
I’ve met a few ladies on tinder etc who have been on fab or fet, but that comes out later. It is awkward though differentiating a date from a social sometimes as I am very open at both and good sex is important to both dynamics. So I just talk about it, not necessarily with intent. Vanilla girls get confused by this as me thinking I’m getting some. |
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By *irldnCouple
over a year ago
Brighton |
Mr B here - was single for about 2yrs before meeting future Mrs B. First got into swinging in my previous relationship so when I was single I played as a single guy with couples etc.
I kept my dating and swinging separate during that 2yrs as like the OP was not sure whether to bring it up with girls I was dating (none for more than few weeks/month anyway so probably too early to bring up).
When I met Mrs B we clicked and carried on as a vanilla relationship for a few months (and I stopped swinging as this one was serious and had potential).
Then fantasies got shared, watching porn etc and them I admitted my past but making it clear I didn’t expect her to want to fo that which was cool. She shocked me by telling me she too had done some swinging before and was totally open to doing more with me! Happy days!
My point is - don’t look for someone as a long term relationship with swinging as your priority. If you meet “the one” bring it up casually down the line. You might be surprised!
If you don’t want a serious relationship them yes you need a FWB who is up for swinging. I think that comes from a very different starting point and dynamic. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don’t think I’ve ever met a guy on a dating site who’s been on fab - but a few have contacted me on dating sites to tell me they recognise me on fab. They seem to think they’ve caught me out in some way. Odd! X
I’ve met a few ladies on tinder etc who have been on fab or fet, but that comes out later. It is awkward though differentiating a date from a social sometimes as I am very open at both and good sex is important to both dynamics. So I just talk about it, not necessarily with intent. Vanilla girls get confused by this as me thinking I’m getting some. "
I find this too... Having people understand you're talking about sex as its an important aspect of a future relationship and not that you're just looking to get laid is difficult.
I've got the line 'I'm a lady in the streets and a squirter in the sheets' on my dating profiles and as soon as you say you're actually looking for something long term and not a one off, it suddenly goes quiet.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I don’t think I’ve ever met a guy on a dating site who’s been on fab - but a few have contacted me on dating sites to tell me they recognise me on fab. They seem to think they’ve caught me out in some way. Odd! X
I’ve met a few ladies on tinder etc who have been on fab or fet, but that comes out later. It is awkward though differentiating a date from a social sometimes as I am very open at both and good sex is important to both dynamics. So I just talk about it, not necessarily with intent. Vanilla girls get confused by this as me thinking I’m getting some.
I find this too... Having people understand you're talking about sex as its an important aspect of a future relationship and not that you're just looking to get laid is difficult.
I've got the line 'I'm a lady in the streets and a squirter in the sheets' on my dating profiles and as soon as you say you're actually looking for something long term and not a one off, it suddenly goes quiet. "
I’d super like that profile on principle! Rude not to. Yeah sex is a big part of a healthy relationship, to me anyway, so I have to make sure they understand that. I’ve had open relationships in the past too and they’ve worked well. Seem to be harder to find than girls who share my love of swinging though. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Mr B here - was single for about 2yrs before meeting future Mrs B. First got into swinging in my previous relationship so when I was single I played as a single guy with couples etc.
I kept my dating and swinging separate during that 2yrs as like the OP was not sure whether to bring it up with girls I was dating (none for more than few weeks/month anyway so probably too early to bring up).
When I met Mrs B we clicked and carried on as a vanilla relationship for a few months (and I stopped swinging as this one was serious and had potential).
Then fantasies got shared, watching porn etc and them I admitted my past but making it clear I didn’t expect her to want to fo that which was cool. She shocked me by telling me she too had done some swinging before and was totally open to doing more with me! Happy days!
My point is - don’t look for someone as a long term relationship with swinging as your priority. If you meet “the one” bring it up casually down the line. You might be surprised!
If you don’t want a serious relationship them yes you need a FWB who is up for swinging. I think that comes from a very different starting point and dynamic."
I agree with the idea of not looking for anything in particular from an originally non swinging relationship but disagree with the last part about not wanting a serious relationship.
Nothing stops people meeting online via Fab and forming lasting relationships, whether initially as FWB's or otherwise. All starting points will be different - same as 'normal' life. Hiding things initially and bringing up later can end relationships as easily as it does reveal similar backgrounds. For every case where there's a positive outcome (such as yours) it's likely that far more will end with the other party having no interest.
It all comes down to the priority I suppose and what's most important. The relationship or carrying on swinging.
A
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It is a difficult one, it also depends on whether you can see a future without swinging. For me, I can take it or leave it, so it's not a deal breaker. However I'm also very open about it so I do tend to mention it very early on. I do find myself looking at guys on vanilla dating sites and wondering if they're naughty enough, haha! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’ve found that great friendships have developed through fab and other sites when you really get on with someone. You’ll find what you’re looking for when you least expect it.
I’ve been to two Fab weddings in two years so it is possible to meet your soulmate.
I've never understood why people often claim you can't meet a partner on here or similar sites. Why not?
It's no different to meeting anywhere else. Some relationships will work, some won't. Same as the outside world. Sometimes swingles will get together and carry on swinging. Sometimes they stop. Sometimes they take a break.
You're as likely to meet someone here as anywhere else. And there'll be no awkward conversations about previous activities, kinks and attitudes that you'd encounter with someone outside of swinging.
A
I actually get more interest on here than on the vanilla dating sites so would presume I have a better chance of finding that someone on here. "
But isn't that just attention from men wanting sex and thinking that women or men are easier on here? Just a question not a put down |
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Dating, is dating. It's about getting to know someone intermately, fab is no different it's just a bit more upfront and honest about sex. Doesn't matter where you find someone you need to be honest about what you want. |
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"Really? I don’t think I’ve ever met a guy on a dating site who’s been on fab - but a few have contacted me on dating sites to tell me they recognise me on fab. They seem to think they’ve caught me out in some way. Odd! X
I’d say I’ve just managed to find people who are a bit more open mindedness liberated. There’s probably been clues to it in their dating profile or on certain dating sites you could state your intentions and why you were on the site"
I liked OkCupid in principle because you answered loads of questions about sexual preferences, politics etc etc - but unfortunately the guys around my age were pretty poor quality in general - were totally out of shape physically and not much of a personality!
Far better quality chaps on here tbh - but obviously most are just looking for sex rather than anything meaningful. Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Does anyone else find conventional dating really awkward after being involved with swinging?
Like how do I bring it up to a girl that I wanna watch her with other guys and my friends or that I want her to see me with other girls?
That coupled with a love of kink makes it a messy situation, for me anyway. "
It’s a really good question, and one I’m currently pondering. I’ve re written my profile to reflect that, but I don’t know how it’s going it work really. Particularly for me, as I’d like to have a relationship but keep my Dom  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Does anyone else find conventional dating really awkward after being involved with swinging?
Like how do I bring it up to a girl that I wanna watch her with other guys and my friends or that I want her to see me with other girls?
That coupled with a love of kink makes it a messy situation, for me anyway. "
It's tough OP, but can and does happen - I've met my last 2 girlfriends through sex-dating sites and I know numerous people in relationships/married from them. There are tons of people who want to fall in love, as much as they want to meet people for sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I find it makes every date amazing fun. Think I like awkward situations. Haha!
Last guy I went on a proper date with was desperately trying to impress me. When I told him of my sexual exploits he nearly spat his drink out. When I told him I wanted to fuck him before going home to my husband I think it was a bit too much. We didn’t end up fucking  |
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By *irldnCouple
over a year ago
Brighton |
"Mr B here - was single for about 2yrs before meeting future Mrs B. First got into swinging in my previous relationship so when I was single I played as a single guy with couples etc.
I kept my dating and swinging separate during that 2yrs as like the OP was not sure whether to bring it up with girls I was dating (none for more than few weeks/month anyway so probably too early to bring up).
When I met Mrs B we clicked and carried on as a vanilla relationship for a few months (and I stopped swinging as this one was serious and had potential).
Then fantasies got shared, watching porn etc and them I admitted my past but making it clear I didn’t expect her to want to fo that which was cool. She shocked me by telling me she too had done some swinging before and was totally open to doing more with me! Happy days!
My point is - don’t look for someone as a long term relationship with swinging as your priority. If you meet “the one” bring it up casually down the line. You might be surprised!
If you don’t want a serious relationship them yes you need a FWB who is up for swinging. I think that comes from a very different starting point and dynamic.
I agree with the idea of not looking for anything in particular from an originally non swinging relationship but disagree with the last part about not wanting a serious relationship.
Nothing stops people meeting online via Fab and forming lasting relationships, whether initially as FWB's or otherwise. All starting points will be different - same as 'normal' life. Hiding things initially and bringing up later can end relationships as easily as it does reveal similar backgrounds. For every case where there's a positive outcome (such as yours) it's likely that far more will end with the other party having no interest.
It all comes down to the priority I suppose and what's most important. The relationship or carrying on swinging.
A
"
That’s totally fair. Of course everyone is different. Not remotely saying a serious relationship cannot blossom out of what was initially a FWB swinging partner but obviously worded it badly 
Also can only really view things from your own experience and it is always just an opinion!
There is also an element of luck. If you find someone you click with on many levels AND both turn out to be naughty deviants than jackpot. IMO if the deviant part is the primary driver then it might discount lots of otherwise very rewarding and wonderful relationships. I guess it depends what matters most and if there are boundaries, how far they can be pushed for both people to still be happy/in love? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I find it makes every date amazing fun. Think I like awkward situations. Haha!
Last guy I went on a proper date with was desperately trying to impress me. When I told him of my sexual exploits he nearly spat his drink out. When I told him I wanted to fuck him before going home to my husband I think it was a bit too much. We didn’t end up fucking "
What a waste, I’d be more than happy to accommodate that for my date. After all, you’re trying to impress the lady after all ???? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Does anyone else find conventional dating really awkward after being involved with swinging?
Like how do I bring it up to a girl that I wanna watch her with other guys and my friends or that I want her to see me with other girls?
That coupled with a love of kink makes it a messy situation, for me anyway.
It's tough OP, but can and does happen - I've met my last 2 girlfriends through sex-dating sites and I know numerous people in relationships/married from them. There are tons of people who want to fall in love, as much as they want to meet people for sex."
I was introduced to this site to a girl I met(and dated) off tinder originally so I know it can happen. It’s more the general conversation seems a bit harder to drum it up with “vanilla dating” for me anyway. Then again, some girls are more than happy to accommodate in reality. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’ve found that great friendships have developed through fab and other sites when you really get on with someone. You’ll find what you’re looking for when you least expect it.
I’ve been to two Fab weddings in two years so it is possible to meet your soulmate.
I've never understood why people often claim you can't meet a partner on here or similar sites. Why not?
It's no different to meeting anywhere else. Some relationships will work, some won't. Same as the outside world. Sometimes swingles will get together and carry on swinging. Sometimes they stop. Sometimes they take a break.
You're as likely to meet someone here as anywhere else. And there'll be no awkward conversations about previous activities, kinks and attitudes that you'd encounter with someone outside of swinging.
A
I actually get more interest on here than on the vanilla dating sites so would presume I have a better chance of finding that someone on here.
But isn't that just attention from men wanting sex and thinking that women or men are easier on here? Just a question not a put down"
No, not all. If anything many men (from what's been said on forum posts) actually find it easier to pull women for sex on dating sites than here because the ratio of women to men is so high. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes agree. Met my fella on here nearly 2 years ago, and yes to start with NSA fun. But things happen without you realizing it or looking for it. And like some have said no awkwardness talking about.
Were still going strong and have great relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Does anyone else find conventional dating really awkward after being involved with swinging?
Like how do I bring it up to a girl that I wanna watch her with other guys and my friends or that I want her to see me with other girls?
That coupled with a love of kink makes it a messy situation, for me anyway. "
Date a married woman from here
Win win x |
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"Does anyone else find conventional dating really awkward after being involved with swinging?
Like how do I bring it up to a girl that I wanna watch her with other guys and my friends or that I want her to see me with other girls?
That coupled with a love of kink makes it a messy situation, for me anyway.
Date a married woman from here
Win win x"
So true I adore married women. I always go for married women whose hubby is fully aware which for me is an extra element of fun. |
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By *uzie69xTV/TS
over a year ago
Maidstone |
"I can never do vanilla dating it just doesn't float my boat ideally I want to meet a fwb leading to relationship"
This has been my approach and I am now just over two years dating a guy who I met here.
When I was going through some work related counselling, the topic of relationships came up - I was single at the time and desperate for support from a partner.
My Counsellor advised that "you need to kiss a lot of frogs to find your Prince".
"Oh my word, you have no idea", I replied. "On internet dating, you have to kiss hundreds of tadpoles (shags) before some turn to frogs (FwB) and then from there, maybe a Prince might emerge!" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I can never do vanilla dating it just doesn't float my boat ideally I want to meet a fwb leading to relationship
This has been my approach and I am now just over two years dating a guy who I met here.
When I was going through some work related counselling, the topic of relationships came up - I was single at the time and desperate for support from a partner.
My Counsellor advised that "you need to kiss a lot of frogs to find your Prince".
"Oh my word, you have no idea", I replied. "On internet dating, you have to kiss hundreds of tadpoles (shags) before some turn to frogs (FwB) and then from there, maybe a Prince might emerge!""
That's a good way to look at things |
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