FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Help! No responses!
Help! No responses!
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"I’ve been on fabs for quite a long time now. I wink and message without being a pest and have tried a variety of styles and approaches in messaging... yet almost none of my messages get opened. Would really appreciate a little feedback on my profile!! Am I saying all the wrong things on there? Do I look hideous? Why can’t I get any responses Although there’s a comedic brain that would enjoy the comic irony of no-one replies to this thread
Thanks in advance xx"The bit where its says what you’re looking for but can be overwritten for the right personality... I don’t do 2nd choice/backup sex either!! | |||
"4 months isn't a long time in the life of a single male. 4 months as a single male in the middle of a pandemic? Equivalent to a couple of weeks. " This
Everything will change once restrictions allow meets etc.
I wouldn't worry too much about it right now.
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"almost none of my messages get opened" I've noticed this a lot with women in my local area at least - they're on and off the site but ignore their messages. I know some say on the profile there are too many messages to reply to them, but they're too busy to look at them? I presume they're on here for the cams rather than meets. | |||
"Not 100% sure why this is an issue but I will change it anyway. Thanks for the advice!" I would definitely recommend going to clubs when they open back up. Clubs are the best way to meet people. | |||
Seriously though, doesn't look too bad. Probably just bad timing. | |||
"almost none of my messages get opened I've noticed this a lot with women in my local area at least - they're on and off the site but ignore their messages. I know some say on the profile there are too many messages to reply to them, but they're too busy to look at them? I presume they're on here for the cams rather than meets. " Or they might be busy in the forums, or they might be messaging one or two specific people and focusing on them, or they might be 101 other things - either way try and treat it as no reply means no interest and don't sweat the whys and wherefores and it'll seem less curious. Also you don't actually know they haven't read the message, they may have done and marked it unread - if you're using your sent message box as a guide for anything the best thing you can do is delete your sent messages once they've been sent, which takes away any potential frustration of seeing a message not read. | |||
"Or they might be busy in the forums ... don't sweat the whys and wherefores and it'll seem less curious..." If they were busy in the forums they might contribute to this one and explain themselves. But I don't really care any more - alas I've had to give up on messaging local women. | |||
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"almost none of my messages get opened I've noticed this a lot with women in my local area at least - they're on and off the site but ignore their messages. I know some say on the profile there are too many messages to reply to them, but they're too busy to look at them? I presume they're on here for the cams rather than meets. " Single women are in the 1000 message a day category. It's a simple numbers game . Too many guys chasing too few women. | |||
"What do you write? Most of the messages are just shit and don't warrant the effort to do anything other than hit delete. Give us an example of your messages and we'll give you some feedback. " It's the reality that most messages that single guys send don't get read . So the content is irrelevant. However, if the question is why are my read messages getting deleted then that is different. The lack of getting messages read feeds back into you receiving shit messages. Spending time writing an original and interesting message that in all probability will never get read gets depressing. | |||
"What do you write? Most of the messages are just shit and don't warrant the effort to do anything other than hit delete. Give us an example of your messages and we'll give you some feedback. It's the reality that most messages that single guys send don't get read . So the content is irrelevant. However, if the question is why are my read messages getting deleted then that is different. The lack of getting messages read feeds back into you receiving shit messages. Spending time writing an original and interesting message that in all probability will never get read gets depressing. " I read every single message. I often regret it. | |||
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"What do you write? Most of the messages are just shit and don't warrant the effort to do anything other than hit delete. Give us an example of your messages and we'll give you some feedback. It's the reality that most messages that single guys send don't get read . So the content is irrelevant. However, if the question is why are my read messages getting deleted then that is different. The lack of getting messages read feeds back into you receiving shit messages. Spending time writing an original and interesting message that in all probability will never get read gets depressing. " Then we have a chicken and egg situation. Messages get deleted because they are generally shit, so men only bother sending out shit messages with no effort. What's the solution? It can only lie in people not sending out shit messages. Cutting out a lot of them would give people more time to read what's left and make them more worth reading. Honestly, 90% of the messages we get are total shit. That's how many go in the bin. I actually disagree that just because a message is marked unread that what it says is irrelevant. We can always see the the start of a message as a preview. This is often enough to see if there is any point in reading it. It's possible to see all of "Hi how are you?" or other short messages that go straight in the bin. Longer ones can give away a lot in their first few words. Something starting with "Can I fuck your..." or "Are you interested in watching a guy..." So in reality, what you write makes a big difference even in the first few words. Those words can make somebody decide on opening or binning your message. | |||
"What do you write? Most of the messages are just shit and don't warrant the effort to do anything other than hit delete. Give us an example of your messages and we'll give you some feedback. It's the reality that most messages that single guys send don't get read . So the content is irrelevant. However, if the question is why are my read messages getting deleted then that is different. The lack of getting messages read feeds back into you receiving shit messages. Spending time writing an original and interesting message that in all probability will never get read gets depressing. Then we have a chicken and egg situation. Messages get deleted because they are generally shit, so men only bother sending out shit messages with no effort. What's the solution? It can only lie in people not sending out shit messages. Cutting out a lot of them would give people more time to read what's left and make them more worth reading. Honestly, 90% of the messages we get are total shit. That's how many go in the bin. I actually disagree that just because a message is marked unread that what it says is irrelevant. We can always see the the start of a message as a preview. This is often enough to see if there is any point in reading it. It's possible to see all of "Hi how are you?" or other short messages that go straight in the bin. Longer ones can give away a lot in their first few words. Something starting with "Can I fuck your..." or "Are you interested in watching a guy..." So in reality, what you write makes a big difference even in the first few words. Those words can make somebody decide on opening or binning your message. " Sorry , I only read "I actually disagree " to realise that you don't get it ..  | |||
"What do you write? Most of the messages are just shit and don't warrant the effort to do anything other than hit delete. Give us an example of your messages and we'll give you some feedback. It's the reality that most messages that single guys send don't get read . So the content is irrelevant. However, if the question is why are my read messages getting deleted then that is different. The lack of getting messages read feeds back into you receiving shit messages. Spending time writing an original and interesting message that in all probability will never get read gets depressing. Then we have a chicken and egg situation. Messages get deleted because they are generally shit, so men only bother sending out shit messages with no effort. What's the solution? It can only lie in people not sending out shit messages. Cutting out a lot of them would give people more time to read what's left and make them more worth reading. Honestly, 90% of the messages we get are total shit. That's how many go in the bin. I actually disagree that just because a message is marked unread that what it says is irrelevant. We can always see the the start of a message as a preview. This is often enough to see if there is any point in reading it. It's possible to see all of "Hi how are you?" or other short messages that go straight in the bin. Longer ones can give away a lot in their first few words. Something starting with "Can I fuck your..." or "Are you interested in watching a guy..." So in reality, what you write makes a big difference even in the first few words. Those words can make somebody decide on opening or binning your message. Sorry , I only read "I actually disagree " to realise that you don't get it .. "Feel free to point out where I'm wrong and enlighten me. | |||
"... yet almost none of my messages get opened." Well, it can't be the content of the message if it's not even opened! One of the many things about fab that you have to accept is that its not easy! Ladies are massively outnumbered by men on this site and, sad fact, and their standards are probably higher than most of the guys. Accept that they have the pick of the litter. With that brings bulging inboxes, and as a result the vast majority of your messages will go unopened. If you don't attach a face photo, many won't even open the message out of choice, and will delete straight away. Some look to the profile before opening the message and might see something there that puts them off. Be yourself. Have a profile that reflects the real you. Be clear in your intent, and expectations. Be honest. If you're after a quick hook up, this probably won't be your fastest route. If you are patient, are prepared to put in the effort, you can meet some truly wonderful and amazing people. | |||
"... yet almost none of my messages get opened. Well, it can't be the content of the message if it's not even opened! " It absolutely can be the content of the message. the preview shows 12-14 words. Believe me, that's more than enough to show whether you are polite and potentially have something to say or are a total cretin. Messages like "Hi how are you?" are visible in their entirity. That's the majority of what we get. They go straight in the bin, fully read but not marked as read by the system. We are on here to find people we get on with. In most cases it's easy to see from the preview if a message is worth opening. Somebody who has nothing to say is not somebody we want to talk with and that is often clearly demonstrated in the message preview. | |||
"... yet almost none of my messages get opened. Well, it can't be the content of the message if it's not even opened! " Agree with everything else you said but to pick up on this point - as 2Part pointed out you can often see the "content" and indeed context of a message without actually opening it. Then there's, as you suggested, the thing that people will often look at a profile before considering reading a message, and if there's something that doesn't appeal to them will not read the message. The other thing, which I pointed out further up is you don't actually *know* someone hasn't read a message - a lot of people mark messages unread after reading them - so unless you have sat watching the message in your sent box continually, which would be pretty sad, you really won't ever know 100% it's not been read. | |||
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"... yet almost none of my messages get opened. Well, it can't be the content of the message if it's not even opened! It absolutely can be the content of the message. the preview shows 12-14 words. Believe me, that's more than enough to show whether you are polite and potentially have something to say or are a total cretin. " Excellent point, very well made. I made the mistake of assuming the OP put some effort into a message, but you know what they say about assumptions? | |||
"... yet almost none of my messages get opened. Well, it can't be the content of the message if it's not even opened! It absolutely can be the content of the message. the preview shows 12-14 words. Believe me, that's more than enough to show whether you are polite and potentially have something to say or are a total cretin. Messages like "Hi how are you?" are visible in their entirity. That's the majority of what we get. They go straight in the bin, fully read but not marked as read by the system. We are on here to find people we get on with. In most cases it's easy to see from the preview if a message is worth opening. Somebody who has nothing to say is not somebody we want to talk with and that is often clearly demonstrated in the message preview. " Agree with this. Generic how are you or hi messages get binned without opening. As do meet now and nice tattoos or nice arse. Put some effort in. Also as others have said 4 months is f*ck all on Fab, sorry OP. | |||
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"almost none of my messages get opened I've noticed this a lot with women in my local area at least - they're on and off the site but ignore their messages. I know some say on the profile there are too many messages to reply to them, but they're too busy to look at them? I presume they're on here for the cams rather than meets. " Everyone is allowed to use this site however it suits them. And as we are in the middle of a pandemic, where meeting strangers for sex is not allowed, I don't think there would be too many people (though shouldn't be any) looking for face to face meets. Also, not everyone is into very sexual chats with strangers, therefore, as not much else is allowed at present, people tend not to read messages. Or may look at profile first before reading/replying. Of course, there are exceptions. | |||
"... yet almost none of my messages get opened. Well, it can't be the content of the message if it's not even opened! It absolutely can be the content of the message. the preview shows 12-14 words. Believe me, that's more than enough to show whether you are polite and potentially have something to say or are a total cretin. Messages like "Hi how are you?" are visible in their entirity. That's the majority of what we get. They go straight in the bin, fully read but not marked as read by the system. We are on here to find people we get on with. In most cases it's easy to see from the preview if a message is worth opening. Somebody who has nothing to say is not somebody we want to talk with and that is often clearly demonstrated in the message preview. Agree with this. Generic how are you or hi messages get binned without opening. As do meet now and nice tattoos or nice arse. Put some effort in. Also as others have said 4 months is f*ck all on Fab, sorry OP. " If you bumped into someone you knew in the street , or approached a stranger in a bar for example , a "hi ,How are you " would be the first thing most people would say. Couples and single women can afford to be as picky as they like due to the number difference. I've been here as a couple . I've seen both sides. The biggest issue is number difference. Simple as. | |||
" If you bumped into someone you knew in the street , or approached a stranger in a bar for example , a "hi ,How are you " would be the first thing most people would say. Couples and single women can afford to be as picky as they like due to the number difference. I've been here as a couple . I've seen both sides. The biggest issue is number difference. Simple as. " Yeah but this isn't the street and while you might start with "Hi, how are you?" there you'd also follow up with further conversation designed to gauge interest and present yourself in the best possible light. I also disagree that the biggest issue is the number difference - that suggests you're in competition with other guys (I'm certainly not) and suggests that if the numbers were evenly balanced that everyone would be able to get a meet (which they still wouldn't). The biggest issue for *some* guys is they've not found an approach that works for them, or have the wrong attitude and expectations or a combination of all of those - | |||
" If you bumped into someone you knew in the street , or approached a stranger in a bar for example , a "hi ,How are you " would be the first thing most people would say. " Bumping into someone you know is irrelevant as a comparison here, because he’s not messaging and being ignored by people he knows. If a stranger approached me in a bar like that, I’d consider it over-familiar to ask me how I am without any kind of introduction, and would try to get away as quickly as possible. | |||
" If you bumped into someone you knew in the street , or approached a stranger in a bar for example , a "hi ,How are you " would be the first thing most people would say. Bumping into someone you know is irrelevant as a comparison here, because he’s not messaging and being ignored by people he knows. If a stranger approached me in a bar like that, I’d consider it over-familiar to ask me how I am without any kind of introduction, and would try to get away as quickly as possible." If single women and couples only got one or two messages a month then you would think different. You can only set such high standards due to numbers . If you are offended by a " hi how are you ?" Then I think you need a thicker skin . I say it many times to customers , fellow cyclists , dog walkers etc .. it's just a friendly saying. Nothing offensive. | |||
" If you bumped into someone you knew in the street , or approached a stranger in a bar for example , a "hi ,How are you " would be the first thing most people would say. Couples and single women can afford to be as picky as they like due to the number difference. I've been here as a couple . I've seen both sides. The biggest issue is number difference. Simple as. Yeah but this isn't the street and while you might start with "Hi, how are you?" there you'd also follow up with further conversation designed to gauge interest and present yourself in the best possible light. I also disagree that the biggest issue is the number difference - that suggests you're in competition with other guys (I'm certainly not) and suggests that if the numbers were evenly balanced that everyone would be able to get a meet (which they still wouldn't). The biggest issue for *some* guys is they've not found an approach that works for them, or have the wrong attitude and expectations or a combination of all of those - " how many messages do you ignore ? Don't kid yourself . It is a competition , maybe not to you , but in general it is. It keys in to man's baser instinct... And it certainly is about numbers. | |||
" If you bumped into someone you knew in the street , or approached a stranger in a bar for example , a "hi ,How are you " would be the first thing most people would say. Bumping into someone you know is irrelevant as a comparison here, because he’s not messaging and being ignored by people he knows. If a stranger approached me in a bar like that, I’d consider it over-familiar to ask me how I am without any kind of introduction, and would try to get away as quickly as possible. If single women and couples only got one or two messages a month then you would think different. You can only set such high standards due to numbers . If you are offended by a " hi how are you ?" Then I think you need a thicker skin . I say it many times to customers , fellow cyclists , dog walkers etc .. it's just a friendly saying. Nothing offensive." I didn’t say it was offensive, I said it was over-familiar and I don’t want to be approached that way by a stranger in a bar. I don’t want to be approached by strangers in bars at all. My skin is plenty thick enough thanks, it has to be with the way women are spoken to on here. And my standards are high because I deserve to be treated well and with respect. I deserve to only meet people I like and find attractive. I don’t have to lower my standards and meet unattractive, rude, abusive people. If I only got one message a month I wouldn’t lower those standards, perhaps you’d like to tell me why you think I should? I’m not here out of desperation, I don’t want any man at any cost, I want people who I fancy, who I click with, whose conversation and company I enjoy. My inbox is remarkably empty of those. I’m no longer one of those women who gets 100+ messages a day, I get about 20. I have no difficulty in reading them all, and would have time to reply to them if they were worth it. The truth is, they just aren’t worth it. I read the message, I read their profile, I look at their pics. And most of the time the message is “hi” (or utterly gross), their profile says “fill in later”, and if they have pics they’re all of their dick. There is no point whatsoever in replying to that. Even when they’ve attached a face pic and they’re attractive, I don’t reply, because if they can’t write a profile when they’ve been here for months, I don’t expect to be able to have a conversation with them. | |||
" If you bumped into someone you knew in the street , or approached a stranger in a bar for example , a "hi ,How are you " would be the first thing most people would say. Bumping into someone you know is irrelevant as a comparison here, because he’s not messaging and being ignored by people he knows. If a stranger approached me in a bar like that, I’d consider it over-familiar to ask me how I am without any kind of introduction, and would try to get away as quickly as possible. If single women and couples only got one or two messages a month then you would think different. You can only set such high standards due to numbers . If you are offended by a " hi how are you ?" Then I think you need a thicker skin . I say it many times to customers , fellow cyclists , dog walkers etc .. it's just a friendly saying. Nothing offensive. I didn’t say it was offensive, I said it was over-familiar and I don’t want to be approached that way by a stranger in a bar. I don’t want to be approached by strangers in bars at all. My skin is plenty thick enough thanks, it has to be with the way women are spoken to on here. And my standards are high because I deserve to be treated well and with respect. I deserve to only meet people I like and find attractive. I don’t have to lower my standards and meet unattractive, rude, abusive people. If I only got one message a month I wouldn’t lower those standards, perhaps you’d like to tell me why you think I should? I’m not here out of desperation, I don’t want any man at any cost, I want people who I fancy, who I click with, whose conversation and company I enjoy. My inbox is remarkably empty of those. I’m no longer one of those women who gets 100+ messages a day, I get about 20. I have no difficulty in reading them all, and would have time to reply to them if they were worth it. The truth is, they just aren’t worth it. I read the message, I read their profile, I look at their pics. And most of the time the message is “hi” (or utterly gross), their profile says “fill in later”, and if they have pics they’re all of their dick. There is no point whatsoever in replying to that. Even when they’ve attached a face pic and they’re attractive, I don’t reply, because if they can’t write a profile when they’ve been here for months, I don’t expect to be able to have a conversation with them." Spot on.. am with you on this xx | |||
" If you bumped into someone you knew in the street , or approached a stranger in a bar for example , a "hi ,How are you " would be the first thing most people would say. Bumping into someone you know is irrelevant as a comparison here, because he’s not messaging and being ignored by people he knows. If a stranger approached me in a bar like that, I’d consider it over-familiar to ask me how I am without any kind of introduction, and would try to get away as quickly as possible. If single women and couples only got one or two messages a month then you would think different. You can only set such high standards due to numbers . If you are offended by a " hi how are you ?" Then I think you need a thicker skin . I say it many times to customers , fellow cyclists , dog walkers etc .. it's just a friendly saying. Nothing offensive. I didn’t say it was offensive, I said it was over-familiar and I don’t want to be approached that way by a stranger in a bar. I don’t want to be approached by strangers in bars at all. My skin is plenty thick enough thanks, it has to be with the way women are spoken to on here. And my standards are high because I deserve to be treated well and with respect. I deserve to only meet people I like and find attractive. I don’t have to lower my standards and meet unattractive, rude, abusive people. If I only got one message a month I wouldn’t lower those standards, perhaps you’d like to tell me why you think I should? I’m not here out of desperation, I don’t want any man at any cost, I want people who I fancy, who I click with, whose conversation and company I enjoy. My inbox is remarkably empty of those. I’m no longer one of those women who gets 100+ messages a day, I get about 20. I have no difficulty in reading them all, and would have time to reply to them if they were worth it. The truth is, they just aren’t worth it. I read the message, I read their profile, I look at their pics. And most of the time the message is “hi” (or utterly gross), their profile says “fill in later”, and if they have pics they’re all of their dick. There is no point whatsoever in replying to that. Even when they’ve attached a face pic and they’re attractive, I don’t reply, because if they can’t write a profile when they’ve been here for months, I don’t expect to be able to have a conversation with them." I never said anything about meeting anyone .. and quite right .. you have a choice there. This thread was about messages getting read. I have a long history here . I started swinging during the magazine era .been here as a couple too . And some of the brief messages I have received from women and couples have also been ridiculous.double standards get me riled up .. When new guys on here ask why they don't get replies I like to tell them the facts. | |||
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"I also disagree that the biggest issue is the number difference - that suggests you're in competition with other guys (I'm certainly not) and suggests that if the numbers were evenly balanced that everyone would be able to get a meet (which they still wouldn't). The biggest issue for *some* guys is they've not found an approach that works for them, or have the wrong attitude and expectations or a combination of all of those - how many messages do you ignore ? Don't kid yourself . It is a competition , maybe not to you , but in general it is. It keys in to man's baser instinct... And it certainly is about numbers." I'm not kidding anyone, least of all myself - if you and others choose to see it as a competition then by all means do so, but it won't get you far. Yes the numbers play a hand, but they don't impact those blokes that *have* found the right approach, attitude and expectations I mentioned and they certainly haven't impacted those that choose not to see it as a competition. As I said, if numbers really were even - do you really think every single member (regardless of gender) would be getting meets and all the sex they want from the site? If you've answered yes then you'd be mistaken. Doesn't matter if there's one woman for every man, or one woman against twenty men, there still has to be attraction, chemistry and more | |||
"I also disagree that the biggest issue is the number difference - that suggests you're in competition with other guys (I'm certainly not) and suggests that if the numbers were evenly balanced that everyone would be able to get a meet (which they still wouldn't). The biggest issue for *some* guys is they've not found an approach that works for them, or have the wrong attitude and expectations or a combination of all of those - how many messages do you ignore ? Don't kid yourself . It is a competition , maybe not to you , but in general it is. It keys in to man's baser instinct... And it certainly is about numbers. I'm not kidding anyone, least of all myself - if you and others choose to see it as a competition then by all means do so, but it won't get you far. Yes the numbers play a hand, but they don't impact those blokes that *have* found the right approach, attitude and expectations I mentioned and they certainly haven't impacted those that choose not to see it as a competition. As I said, if numbers really were even - do you really think every single member (regardless of gender) would be getting meets and all the sex they want from the site? If you've answered yes then you'd be mistaken. Doesn't matter if there's one woman for every man, or one woman against twenty men, there still has to be attraction, chemistry and more " This thread was about messages getting ignored. About messages guys send not being worthy of even being read . If numbers where more even more messages would be read as less would be sent . | |||
"This thread was about messages getting ignored. About messages guys send not being worthy of even being read . If numbers where more even more messages would be read as less would be sent ." I disagree because it would *still* come down to the quality of those messages and there's a likelihood that proportionally the number of quality messages vs crap ones would still be the same As it will never happen it's all theoretical anyway so kind of a moot point either way | |||
"This thread was about messages getting ignored. About messages guys send not being worthy of even being read . If numbers where more even more messages would be read as less would be sent . I disagree because it would *still* come down to the quality of those messages and there's a likelihood that proportionally the number of quality messages vs crap ones would still be the same As it will never happen it's all theoretical anyway so kind of a moot point either way" The more chance of getting a message read would be enough to raise the standards. It's not only guys that send brief messages you know. | |||
"This thread was about messages getting ignored. About messages guys send not being worthy of even being read . If numbers where more even more messages would be read as less would be sent . I disagree because it would *still* come down to the quality of those messages and there's a likelihood that proportionally the number of quality messages vs crap ones would still be the same As it will never happen it's all theoretical anyway so kind of a moot point either way The more chance of getting a message read would be enough to raise the standards. It's not only guys that send brief messages you know. " I didn't say it was only guys - and like I said I disagree there would be more chance - people will still send crap messages, people will still see they're crap and not read them, or read them and mark them unread regardless of whether the ratio is 1:1 or 15:1 (which is roughly what it is now). Like I said it's a moot point and the actual answer will never be known - but then so is the OPs point about messages being unread - he doesn't *know* 100% that a message has been read or not unless he has sat constantly watching his sent box to see if a message turns white - a lot of people will read messages and then mark them unread so the sender has no idea whether it's been read or not. | |||
"This thread was about messages getting ignored. About messages guys send not being worthy of even being read . If numbers where more even more messages would be read as less would be sent . I disagree because it would *still* come down to the quality of those messages and there's a likelihood that proportionally the number of quality messages vs crap ones would still be the same As it will never happen it's all theoretical anyway so kind of a moot point either way The more chance of getting a message read would be enough to raise the standards. It's not only guys that send brief messages you know. I didn't say it was only guys - and like I said I disagree there would be more chance - people will still send crap messages, people will still see they're crap and not read them, or read them and mark them unread regardless of whether the ratio is 1:1 or 15:1 (which is roughly what it is now). Like I said it's a moot point and the actual answer will never be known - but then so is the OPs point about messages being unread - he doesn't *know* 100% that a message has been read or not unless he has sat constantly watching his sent box to see if a message turns white - a lot of people will read messages and then mark them unread so the sender has no idea whether it's been read or not." I don't buy the read it then mark it unread before deleting .. why would anyone do that.? How is that organised ? Interested in the 15 to 1 ratio that you have come up with .. I am genuinely interested in this. Where have you got this information from ? | |||
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"This thread was about messages getting ignored. About messages guys send not being worthy of even being read . If numbers where more even more messages would be read as less would be sent . I disagree because it would *still* come down to the quality of those messages and there's a likelihood that proportionally the number of quality messages vs crap ones would still be the same As it will never happen it's all theoretical anyway so kind of a moot point either way The more chance of getting a message read would be enough to raise the standards. It's not only guys that send brief messages you know. I didn't say it was only guys - and like I said I disagree there would be more chance - people will still send crap messages, people will still see they're crap and not read them, or read them and mark them unread regardless of whether the ratio is 1:1 or 15:1 (which is roughly what it is now). Like I said it's a moot point and the actual answer will never be known - but then so is the OPs point about messages being unread - he doesn't *know* 100% that a message has been read or not unless he has sat constantly watching his sent box to see if a message turns white - a lot of people will read messages and then mark them unread so the sender has no idea whether it's been read or not. I don't buy the read it then mark it unread before deleting .. why would anyone do that.? How is that organised ? Interested in the 15 to 1 ratio that you have come up with .. I am genuinely interested in this. Where have you got this information from ?" I do that a lot ... deffo no is a delete or a thanks but no thanks depending on time/ mood etc, maybe I read then unread so I can come back to it. Sometimes I never come back to it and mass delete | |||
"For me .... I’m not messaging new people at the moment so barely look at my inbox. Never look at winks. " Would you be willing to let us know how many messages are actually in your in box ? Not asking that you read any .... | |||
"I don't buy the read it then mark it unread before deleting .. why would anyone do that.? How is that organised ?" It's a fairly common practice - the facility exists to do it - some people use it to mark a message to come back to later, perhaps with the intent of replying, or to show the other half of a couple - the message then gets pushed down the list and forgotten by other messages that come in, so remains in the eyes of the sender anyway as unread. Some people do so to prevent the follow up "So I see you read my message" messages some guys will send if they see a message has been read. There's two reasons, am sure there are others
"Interested in the 15 to 1 ratio that you have come up with .. I am genuinely interested in this. Where have you got this information from ?" The actual figure isn't known of course, but over the 5 years I have been here there have been various forum threads and the like where people have extrapolated a number of between 10 and 15 to 1 based on counts of various localities and think that estimate has been backed up as being roughly accurate by admin - it definitely "feels" about right, and is certainly not the 100s or 1000s to 1 that some would suggest | |||
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"Plus some men post in forum how poor there profile is hoping to get extra looks and fabs...just saying" Well any action or activity on the site can do that. | |||
"For me .... I’m not messaging new people at the moment so barely look at my inbox. Never look at winks. Would you be willing to let us know how many messages are actually in your in box ? Not asking that you read any .... " Now .. 475 | |||
"I don't buy the read it then mark it unread before deleting .. why would anyone do that.? How is that organised ? It's a fairly common practice - the facility exists to do it - some people use it to mark a message to come back to later, perhaps with the intent of replying, or to show the other half of a couple - the message then gets pushed down the list and forgotten by other messages that come in, so remains in the eyes of the sender anyway as unread. Some people do so to prevent the follow up "So I see you read my message" messages some guys will send if they see a message has been read. There's two reasons, am sure there are others
Interested in the 15 to 1 ratio that you have come up with .. I am genuinely interested in this. Where have you got this information from ?
The actual figure isn't known of course, but over the 5 years I have been here there have been various forum threads and the like where people have extrapolated a number of between 10 and 15 to 1 based on counts of various localities and think that estimate has been backed up as being roughly accurate by admin - it definitely "feels" about right, and is certainly not the 100s or 1000s to 1 that some would suggest
"I would think it's 100 to 1 upward myself . Also based on many years here. Admin wouldn't admit to bad ratios , as , just like clubs charging higher for guys , they would loose revenue. | |||
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"Or they might be busy in the forums ... don't sweat the whys and wherefores and it'll seem less curious...If they were busy in the forums they might contribute to this one and explain themselves. But I don't really care any more - alas I've had to give up on messaging local women." Why might they want to explain themselves in the forum? If a member wishes not to read a message etc it’s their choice. | |||
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" The actual figure isn't known of course, but over the 5 years I have been here there have been various forum threads and the like where people have extrapolated a number of between 10 and 15 to 1 based on counts of various localities and think that estimate has been backed up as being roughly accurate by admin - it definitely "feels" about right, and is certainly not the 100s or 1000s to 1 that some would suggest
I would think it's 100 to 1 upward myself . Also based on many years here. Admin wouldn't admit to bad ratios , as , just like clubs charging higher for guys , they would loose revenue."As the site is free to use and payment of site supporter is optional there would be no revenue lost - but I agree the actual figure would not be revealed. However simple maths suggests your figure is too high A ratio of 100:1 as you suggest would be the same as saying 1000 single men for every 10 women - which even if you took approx 10,000 off the average number of people on-line (usually about 30,000) to account for couples and TV/TS's - would mean for 20,000 men there would be 200 women and plainly there are more women than that on the site (even when you factor in the number of female profiles that are actually men) | |||
" If you bumped into someone you knew in the street , or approached a stranger in a bar for example , a "hi ,How are you " would be the first thing most people would say. Bumping into someone you know is irrelevant as a comparison here, because he’s not messaging and being ignored by people he knows. If a stranger approached me in a bar like that, I’d consider it over-familiar to ask me how I am without any kind of introduction, and would try to get away as quickly as possible. If single women and couples only got one or two messages a month then you would think different. You can only set such high standards due to numbers . If you are offended by a " hi how are you ?" Then I think you need a thicker skin . I say it many times to customers , fellow cyclists , dog walkers etc .. it's just a friendly saying. Nothing offensive. I didn’t say it was offensive, I said it was over-familiar and I don’t want to be approached that way by a stranger in a bar. I don’t want to be approached by strangers in bars at all. My skin is plenty thick enough thanks, it has to be with the way women are spoken to on here. And my standards are high because I deserve to be treated well and with respect. I deserve to only meet people I like and find attractive. I don’t have to lower my standards and meet unattractive, rude, abusive people. If I only got one message a month I wouldn’t lower those standards, perhaps you’d like to tell me why you think I should? I’m not here out of desperation, I don’t want any man at any cost, I want people who I fancy, who I click with, whose conversation and company I enjoy. My inbox is remarkably empty of those. I’m no longer one of those women who gets 100+ messages a day, I get about 20. I have no difficulty in reading them all, and would have time to reply to them if they were worth it. The truth is, they just aren’t worth it. I read the message, I read their profile, I look at their pics. And most of the time the message is “hi” (or utterly gross), their profile says “fill in later”, and if they have pics they’re all of their dick. There is no point whatsoever in replying to that. Even when they’ve attached a face pic and they’re attractive, I don’t reply, because if they can’t write a profile when they’ve been here for months, I don’t expect to be able to have a conversation with them." Yes! So well put. I have a similar experience - not overwhelmed by messages, read them all and have to block and delete a lot of them. If there is no reference to my profile or at least my name then I know it's just copypasta so that's just spam, the thirsty penises bore me to tears so both of those I block and delete. Then if a message is decent but the person doesn't seem like a match, I will not reply or block and delete for admin purposes. Why hurt someone's feelings by responding negatively? And then remaining ones all receive a response. | |||
" I didn’t say it was offensive, I said it was over-familiar and I don’t want to be approached that way by a stranger in a bar. I don’t want to be approached by strangers in bars at all. My skin is plenty thick enough thanks, it has to be with the way women are spoken to on here. And my standards are high because I deserve to be treated well and with respect. I deserve to only meet people I like and find attractive. I don’t have to lower my standards and meet unattractive, rude, abusive people. If I only got one message a month I wouldn’t lower those standards, perhaps you’d like to tell me why you think I should? I’m not here out of desperation, I don’t want any man at any cost, I want people who I fancy, who I click with, whose conversation and company I enjoy. My inbox is remarkably empty of those. I’m no longer one of those women who gets 100+ messages a day, I get about 20. I have no difficulty in reading them all, and would have time to reply to them if they were worth it. The truth is, they just aren’t worth it. I read the message, I read their profile, I look at their pics. And most of the time the message is “hi” (or utterly gross), their profile says “fill in later”, and if they have pics they’re all of their dick. There is no point whatsoever in replying to that. Even when they’ve attached a face pic and they’re attractive, I don’t reply, because if they can’t write a profile when they’ve been here for months, I don’t expect to be able to have a conversation with them." This exactly ... | |||
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"Thank you everyone for your kind comments and helpful suggestions xxxx For clarity and in response to a few of the comments made.... I always write respectfully I always include a face pic (NOT dick pic) I never jump straight in with a “can I cum on your tits” style comment Quite frankly I’d just like a nice conversation... my issue is that I’m not even given a chance to shine. " And all of that is entirely possible - but sometimes it's not simply a case of sending a message and hoping for a reply - if that doesn't appear to be working for you, look at what you can change to see if it helps - things like your profile, your message style, even if sending blind messages to people you think might be a match is the right approach are things to consider - I've sent precisely 6 blind messages in my 5 years here, and none for about 4 and a half years but am happy with my experience - I found that being active in the forums was an approach that worked for me - it takes time to get established and find your feet but it is a great way to both spark conversations and get yourself known. You also have to remember that for most single guys, and under "normal" circumstances, four months is no time at all - with the current ongoing situation that's even more true - many aren't looking to chat to new people or have taken a break from the site completely so it's worth bearing that in mind. | |||
"Thank you everyone for your kind comments and helpful suggestions xxxx For clarity and in response to a few of the comments made.... I always write respectfully I always include a face pic (NOT dick pic) I never jump straight in with a “can I cum on your tits” style comment Quite frankly I’d just like a nice conversation... my issue is that I’m not even given a chance to shine. " Just have fun in the forums and hit the clubs, when they open back up. Clubs are where the real fun is at | |||
"I’ve been on fabs for quite a long time now. I wink and message without being a pest and have tried a variety of styles and approaches in messaging... yet almost none of my messages get opened. Would really appreciate a little feedback on my profile!! Am I saying all the wrong things on there? Do I look hideous? Why can’t I get any responses Although there’s a comedic brain that would enjoy the comic irony of no-one replies to this thread
Thanks in advance xx"4 months on here is not long at all. There is a huge amount of men on Fab and women are outnumbered by a considerable amount, more men are joining each hour. A profile needs to be outstanding to get noticed. Your profile does not say what you have to offer, it’s more about your own sexuality. Due to Covid lots are not chatting or meeting. My advice is this:- 1) Use the forums. There are some lovely folk on them. 2) When you send a message, delete it immediately so you are not constantly checking if it’s been read etc. 3) Be patient. Good luck. | |||
