FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > What's wrong with some of the men
What's wrong with some of the men
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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2 young friends of mine are keen to try swinging. They joined Fab last week and posted a profile that said that they were very interested in being watched , first by cam and then when this is over in the flesh. Their profile was quite plain that they didn't want to go any further.
As you can imagine, they had dozens of replies but most of the men ignored their wishes and went in to details how they wanted to take it further.
When my friends replied many of the men became nasty or abusive. Out of all the replies there was only one that was sympathetic to their wishes.
They have now left Fab and they have been so disheartened by the experience that I doubt if they'll return.
It's no wonder so many women and couples have such a low opinion of us men. |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
That's what filters are for. If you use them you don't get inundated with messages. Other wise women and couples can just block men and actually do the looking themselves.
And to be fair the amount of abusive mail is not that much really if you do actually take control of your account and I know I just block anyone who is.
There's plenty of decent guys on here. |
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"Women can be nasty and cruel too on here. Men get the blame for everything."
They can, but it's the battering of the inbox and crass stupidity they show en mass. Of course you're right, but it just doesn't seem relevant in this scenario. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
This is where meeting in person at clubs can be the better option at times.
The ability to hide behind sock puppet or throw away profiles allows people to behave in ways they wouldn't in person. It shouldn't be necessary but you do have to learn to ignore the trolls on any website. |
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"That's what filters are for. If you use them you don't get inundated with messages."
I suppose this has to come down to the ancient site design... how "looking for" and "message filters" are totally unrelated, and in different places. different systems working oblivious to each other.
I think it's absurd just how many profiles keep screaming NO MEN! DO NOT MESSAGE US! And think how much it just exposes their own ignorance about how to use the site better. But it's far from obvious TBF... |
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"2 young friends of mine are keen to try swinging. They joined Fab last week and posted a profile that said that they were very interested in being watched , first by cam and then when this is over in the flesh. Their profile was quite plain that they didn't want to go any further.
As you can imagine, they had dozens of replies but most of the men ignored their wishes and went in to details how they wanted to take it further.
When my friends replied many of the men became nasty or abusive. Out of all the replies there was only one that was sympathetic to their wishes.
They have now left Fab and they have been so disheartened by the experience that I doubt if they'll return.
It's no wonder so many women and couples have such a low opinion of us men."
Were you young friends male or female? |
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"That's what filters are for. If you use them you don't get inundated with messages. Other wise women and couples can just block men and actually do the looking themselves.
And to be fair the amount of abusive mail is not that much really if you do actually take control of your account and I know I just block anyone who is.
There's plenty of decent guys on here. "
Unfortunately you can't filter, rude or abusive people until you get a message then block.
A friend of mine (female) would like to filter single girls but that's not available |
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Not sure you briefed them about fab properly lol
Just kidding, that is bad, no idea if it’s got worse, but it’s the nature of any forum, as above, some will behave in ways they would never do in real life.
If we introduced anyone to fab, we’d absolutely tell them to have the message filters on. Shame but that’s how it is.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Unfortunately some of the men here are just interested in what they can get, quickly, with the minimum of effort. They aren't interested in what you're looking for, just self-satisfaction. Sad but true. |
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"Unfortunately some of the men here are just interested in what they can get, quickly, with the minimum of effort. They aren't interested in what you're looking for, just self-satisfaction. Sad but true."
Does it ever ever ever work? I've a sad feeling it must do at times? |
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Don’t want to tempt fate but we don’t have too many issues. Most guys we speak to are polite, and the ones that aren’t don’t tend to bother us more than once. Certainly seems to be a loud minority that give men a bad name on here |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The problem is most men think you will meet at the drop of a hat.
No thought about your circumstances and then get upset when you point this out.
The majority just thi k about themselves and not the bigger picture i feel. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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FAB should have a ZERO TOLERANCE policy - abuse a member, account deleted.
Might take a while, but eventually they'd get sick of creating new accounts and go somewhere else.
With such a disproportionate number of Single Males, that would help even up the numbers as well  |
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"Just had a really vulgar message as an opening message. Luckily we’re used to the occasional wanker, so it won’t put us off. "
Really don't see the point in being rude it's not like you would get a reply.  |
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"Were you young friends male or female?
Seemed pretty clear they are an MF couple."
Not exactly 'pretty clear'
It's no wonder so many women and couples have such a low opinion of us men."
States women and couples. It doesn't state throughout whether it was female only as in ff or mf or indeed mm.. I understand the women bit but the couple bit is ambiguous, that's why I asked. |
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I have a collection of the worst messages, I stopped some time ago but yes, polite "no" triggers many guys. I can't even count how many times I've been called fat, ugly and many more.
I got used to it, and I don't put everyone in the same bag. There are some real gents on fab, and they are worth dealing with idiots. |
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Shame you didn't give them guidance before they joined the lions den that is fab.
Block guys whose messages don't meet their criteria and definitely don't reply
Use filters to the full etc
Tell them to try again |
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"Were you young friends male or female?
Seemed pretty clear they are an MF couple.
Not exactly 'pretty clear'
It's no wonder so many women and couples have such a low opinion of us men."
States women and couples. It doesn't state throughout whether it was female only as in ff or mf or indeed mm.. I understand the women bit but the couple bit is ambiguous, that's why I asked. "
Yes I assumed it was two separate females for some reason, not a couple so have to agree it wasn't that clear |
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"Women can be nasty and cruel too on here. Men get the blame for everything.
I think the "ratio" has a lot to answer for!"
Agree I’d say only a small percentage of guys I reply to, get arsey with me when I turn them down. The majority will thank for the reply and move on.
Single guys do get some grief on here when it’s the minority doing the insulting. |
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By *xkritTV/TS
over a year ago
High Wycombe (ish) |
Sadly, like a lot of things, it's the small minority that tar it for the vast majority
Most men, women and those somewhere else on the spectrum are decent and polite. Most react well to a polite decline
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately some of the men here are just interested in what they can get, quickly, with the minimum of effort. They aren't interested in what you're looking for, just self-satisfaction. Sad but true."
this |
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Personally, I think that all profiles should automatically have all filters on when they are set up.
That would allow new users to familiarise themselves with the site, instead of getting bombarded and frightened off.
I'd had a couple profile for many years before setting this one up, so knew what to expect. I only opened filters early this year. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I often thing that, guys like my self, who have tried to be as open and honest as possible, get ignored becuase of 'dave' who just sends dick pics, goes on about how hes gods give gift about shagging with his supposedly 8 inch cock (which i get alot), but if someone sends me a decent enough message and tries, i will reply.
Like im no god, average cock, few mental health issues and injured like hell and nowt special to look ar, but I'll talk to people like their individuals, get to know them and what their like before i even think about asking if sex is a possibility. |
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I've had those chance your arm messages from guys before changing filters but the only abusive messages I've ever received have been from couples.
They start out perfectly fine and then there is a sudden change of tone possibly as the male half takes over. If I don't agree to a play meet without a social or refuse to shave my beard off or am reluctant to travel long distances to them rather than meet half way that's when the abuse starts and they get introduced to the block button.  |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"That's what filters are for. If you use them you don't get inundated with messages. Other wise women and couples can just block men and actually do the looking themselves.
And to be fair the amount of abusive mail is not that much really if you do actually take control of your account and I know I just block anyone who is.
There's plenty of decent guys on here.
Unfortunately you can't filter, rude or abusive people until you get a message then block.
A friend of mine (female) would like to filter single girls but that's not available "
It is available in the message filters. |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"Personally, I think that all profiles should automatically have all filters on when they are set up.
That would allow new users to familiarise themselves with the site, instead of getting bombarded and frightened off.
I'd had a couple profile for many years before setting this one up, so knew what to expect. I only opened filters early this year. "
I totally agree with this about filters. Well said. X |
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I sometimes wonder how far the problem is very much an individual thing. When we first started we had the whole range, but very rarely abusive. We now tend to get a lot more entertaining ones these days, so a profile clearly helps. Still hard work keeping up with the polite "no" though.
TBH much rather have an easy aggressor to deal with (block) than someone devious you waste more time and thought on. There may be a lot less of them but they are worse!  |
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By *odd4funnMan
over a year ago
Walthamstow Leyton |
"FAB should have a ZERO TOLERANCE policy - abuse a member, account deleted.
Might take a while, but eventually they'd get sick of creating new accounts and go somewhere else.
With such a disproportionate number of Single Males, that would help even up the numbers as well "
Totally agree so many women /couples
saying this on there update Give it a go and see !!! |
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By *lan157Man
over a year ago
a village near Haywards Heath in East Sussex |
When I suggest joining Fab to women swinger friends I tell them to block single men for at least 6 weeks whilst they brouse the site and get a feel for it . Any new single woman profile will otherwise get a massive inbox very quickly which is off putting and then the nasty messages kick in. Women have to get hardened to it unfortunately to stay on here. Clearly it should not be like that . |
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"This is where meeting in person at clubs can be the better option at times.
The ability to hide behind sock puppet or throw away profiles allows people to behave in ways they wouldn't in person. It shouldn't be necessary but you do have to learn to ignore the trolls on any website."
Can I just say I thought swinging and dogging for
that matter was an urban myth until I found a very friendly club in County Durham...
I'd like to echo the above comments a club is the best and safest way to go... In my experience and I was bricking it the first few times... It's the way forward, there's zero pressure a No means HELL NO.! The staff are amazing and know the ropes (no pun  )
Go enjoy, watch, chat if you feel like it and that's the way forward... Clubs are not at all Fab although there are merits of both if you're so inclined... Good luck x  |
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"
Agree I’d say only a small percentage of guys I reply to, get arsey with me when I turn them down. The majority will thank for the reply and move on.
"
Likewise, I almost never got a rude/nasty reply (touch wood).
Another poster rightly questioned the possibility that it is an individual phenomenon rather than general.
We always get told how rude/nasty people (single M) are in replying to them but we never know the other side of the story.
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