FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Switches are “just desperate”
Switches are “just desperate”
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Recently, I saw a suggestion on this forum that switches are “just desperate”. That we’re taking a calculatedly scattergun approach; just pretending to be into the widest possible range of things in the hopes that someone will want to do *something* with us.
This assertion passed unchallenged at the time, but it’s been nagging at me since.
I could compose an essay about my love for one-on-one vanilla sex in private.
I could write another covering what I get out of sex in front of an audience.
I could bang out paragraphs on what I feel I offer a couple looking an extra penis.
I could go on at length about why I enjoy gangbangs.
I could explain in detail what form my submission takes, or tell you all what someone can expect when I assume a dominant role.
All these things are equally valid. They’re all real. They’re all part of me.
Crucially, they’re all dependent on the specific dynamic between individuals. Different people want different things from each other. Being able to provide one thing to one person doesn’t disqualify anyone from providing something different to someone else.
Sure, there are very definitely people in the world lying through their teeth in an attempt to get some – any – attention. But there are also genuinely those of us who are comfortable being more than one thing.
TL;DR: Switches are real and valid (and actually pretty useful).
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I've observed that certain ways of being sexual are less acceptable to a lot of people. I can't see a problem with being open to experiencing and enjoying sex in all sorts of ways. However lack of imagination and a narrow approach holds people back |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Good post OP.
I consider myself to be a switch as I enjoy both sides of the D/s dynamic in very different ways.
Also once you have been a sub, if you Domme/Dom a person then you have a far better idea of what they might be feeling/experiencing than a person who has never been on the receiving end of such play! |
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"I've observed that certain ways of being sexual are less acceptable to a lot of people. I can't see a problem with being open to experiencing and enjoying sex in all sorts of ways. However lack of imagination and a narrow approach holds people back
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Yes, we loop back around to the fact there is a lot more judgement and intolerance on this site than you would at first expect!
It's obviously not the majority, but it's a reasonably significant minority. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
Dom, sub, Master, slave, Sadist, masochist, Top, bottom, Rigger, bunny, Daddy/Mommy, little etc. are separate identities or roles that people associate themselves with due to their likes and preferences.
A Switch is no different, the persons preferences allows them to switch between those roles and identities depending on mood, partner or a multitude of other reasons. |
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"Good post OP.
I consider myself to be a switch as I enjoy both sides of the D/s dynamic in very different ways.
Also once you have been a sub, if you Domme/Dom a person then you have a far better idea of what they might be feeling/experiencing than a person who has never been on the receiving end of such play!"
Literally about to post this exact point. And as someone who’s received domination from Bella, I (The Boy) feel safer that she’s a switch! |
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"I've observed that certain ways of being sexual are less acceptable to a lot of people. I can't see a problem with being open to experiencing and enjoying sex in all sorts of ways. However lack of imagination and a narrow approach holds people back
Yes, we loop back around to the fact there is a lot more judgement and intolerance on this site than you would at first expect!
It's obviously not the majority, but it's a reasonably significant minority."
Yep. It's about the only thing on fab that continues to surprise me. It's not enough to say you're open minded, you need to demonstrate it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We are both switchs..in our dynamic..one takes the lead .the other follows.. vice versa. its like we know when one or the other needs that side and we can even switch mid play..to be one or the other is simply not in our lifes..It took time to find all these dynamics but thats half the fun of course.. |
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I am primary dom, and enjoy it, but every now and then I don't mind just letting go and someone else taking control, it's quite exciting sometimes to just relax and be used how ever they see fit. It started with one partner wanting to play her dominatrix role play and it was fun.
So I have to say, it's upto everyone's approach and why limit yourself to just one catagory and be rigid. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Good post OP.
I consider myself to be a switch as I enjoy both sides of the D/s dynamic in very different ways.
Also once you have been a sub, if you Domme/Dom a person then you have a far better idea of what they might be feeling/experiencing than a person who has never been on the receiving end of such play!
Literally about to post this exact point. And as someone who’s received domination from Bella, I (The Boy) feel safer that she’s a switch! "
 Thank you! |
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Pushing at an open door here. Dependent on my mood, the mood of the other participants and the specific situation I enjoy a very broad range of experiences. And the “scattergun” is a myth - certainly hasn’t improved my meet ratio but I don’t care because it’s who I am |
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"Dom, sub, Master, slave, Sadist, masochist, Top, bottom, Rigger, bunny, Daddy/Mommy, little etc. are separate identities or roles that people associate themselves with due to their likes and preferences.
A Switch is no different, the persons preferences allows them to switch between those roles and identities depending on mood, partner or a multitude of other reasons. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree, no two ppl are the same so experiences differ and vary, being switch allows you to be versatile re ur partners kinks In comparison to your own, I’m dominant as a natural trait but would freely submit to a more stronger experienced dom so naturally yet those too roles are either end of the scale! Also, when evolving, we learn that old kinks no longer do it for us and maybe newer things float our boat we learn and grow how closed minded it would be and very stale if we only had one type of thing forever? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh, what a great post OP
I no longer have a partner (she died 10 years ago), but for our entire married life we were both switch's. We felt it was perfectly normal until we joined Fab. It was then we discovered that other couples were very set in the way they played and could in fact get very annoyed at the suggestion of something different.
I also found that most couples only ever looked at switch within the context of BDSM, which is of course a complete misunderstanding of the whole dynamic.
Now that i'm single, i am of course even more of a switch. Does that make me desperate ? No it dosn't because a true switch only switch's when they want to and are comfortable with doing so. |
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