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Aggresive 'no thanks' in clubs
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been reading on a few posts now about people being very aggresive when saying no in a club.
of course these responses might well have been exagerated in the written word however i fear not.
i have never had to be forceful when declining an offer to play, then men i have said no to have understood and moved away.
why do people feel it appropirate to get so aggresive? surely that then ruins the night more than just saying no....or does the adrenaline from getting all worked up improve the sex?? |
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"been reading on a few posts now about people being very aggresive when saying no in a club.
of course these responses might well have been exagerated in the written word however i fear not.
i have never had to be forceful when declining an offer to play, then men i have said no to have understood and moved away.
why do people feel it appropirate to get so aggresive? surely that then ruins the night more than just saying no....or does the adrenaline from getting all worked up improve the sex??"
ture but some are deaf dumb and plain stupid. Ive seen a nice start of play that probably would have allowed all watching to join in, runined on more than 3 occassions by "a dickhead" or two in the last few weeks. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I'm in a public room and more than 2 guys want to play then I will just say, sorry guys I don't play with too many at one time' and they are fine, they back off.
I usually will say no thank you if someone asks on a one on one. I would never say 'fuck off' or anything like that.
There's only been one time when I've absolutely ripped into a guy who thoroughly deserved it as he was a childish git. I thought he was nice when we were playing together in a public room, until a bunch of his female friends appeared and were looking through the window. He started cheering and waving at them as if to say 'hey look at me I'm playing'. I heard laughing but was too engrossed in what another guy had started doing to me then I didn't realise. My OH stepped in and shoved the guy out of the way.
Afterwards my OH told me and I was furious and said I would go and look to raise it with him. Unfcortunately for him he happened to walk past me and actually came up and said thanks, back to mr nice guy. I saw red and told him never to speak to me again as I thought he was disrespectful and was childxish and shouldn't be allowed in a club. The staff at chams hearx and asked me if I wanted him removed but I declined, on the basis he better not speak to me again.
That's the only time I've raised my voice to anyone in a club  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i've had it once when i said no thanks the guy was fine until he was watchin me with my partner and said to one of the other guys i was a dick tease and would let no one play i when mad and told him stright why i didnt want to play with him (which was cause he was to old for me and not my type of play mate) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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...because some men who attend swinging clubs wont take no for an answer and are pure chancers who will be disrespectful no matter how you say it to them...plus its a good release telling someone off if theyve made you feel bad |
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"...because some men who attend swinging clubs wont take no for an answer and are pure chancers who will be disrespectful no matter how you say it to them...plus its a good release telling someone off if theyve made you feel bad"
how have they made you feel bad if you are the ones telling them no?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...because some men who attend swinging clubs wont take no for an answer and are pure chancers who will be disrespectful no matter how you say it to them...plus its a good release telling someone off if theyve made you feel bad
how have they made you feel bad if you are the ones telling them no?
"
if you have told them you dont want to play and they persist culminating in you getting aggressive |
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"...because some men who attend swinging clubs wont take no for an answer and are pure chancers who will be disrespectful no matter how you say it to them...plus its a good release telling someone off if theyve made you feel bad
how have they made you feel bad if you are the ones telling them no?
if you have told them you dont want to play and they persist culminating in you getting aggressive"
ahhh i see
yes thats when a more forceful no is needed, my point is people seem to be getting aggressive from the off |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We've had issue with a 'lurker' at a club. He played with A once when she was having a greedy girl moment with a group of about 5 or 6 guys which was fine. The problems started when he kept coming back whenever we went back to the club and despite being told 'no thanks' followed us around constantly claiming there was a langauge barrier.
The final straw came when we were having a MMF in a room with a window. Firstly he came into the room even though the no entry sign was on and when I asked him to leave he stood outside and constantly tapped on the window. We all told him to pack it in and he wandered off.
But later he tried again by sticking his knob in A's face when we were playing with another couple of guys.
I think an aggressive 'no' was needed but I go to clubs to relax, not to tell idiots how to behave.
Dreading seeing him again to be honest. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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agressive pecking order:
women: ok from women to do so.
male halves, ok to be aggressive if its something to do with their partner.
single men: Dont even dare.
I'm against all three
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There should be no need to actually shout at someone, I've found the point and frown can usually do the trick, eye contact and a shake of the head sort of thing
If it doesnt though a short sharp 'clear off' should do it.
But I can understand why men get over protective of their ladies in that situation and have come across men who pushed the boundaries; it isnt a new problem really (in my opinion) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There should be no need to actually shout at someone, I've found the point and frown can usually do the trick, eye contact and a shake of the head sort of thing
If it doesnt though a short sharp 'clear off' should do it.
But I can understand why men get over protective of their ladies in that situation and have come across men who pushed the boundaries; it isnt a new problem really (in my opinion) "
shouldnt the aggressiveness be saved for some tender hard fucking???  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"been reading on a few posts now about people being very aggresive when saying no in a club.
of course these responses might well have been exagerated in the written word however i fear not.
i have never had to be forceful when declining an offer to play, then men i have said no to have understood and moved away.
why do people feel it appropirate to get so aggresive? surely that then ruins the night more than just saying no....or does the adrenaline from getting all worked up improve the sex??"
If you're alluding to the post that i made earlier, the bloke had been told no threetimes already and it was an invitation only room anyway, which he obviously didnt think made any difference to him or his friends  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well as a club lover for some years l have only needed to be form with a guy once (l only go to clubs as a couple with friends) and find two ways of dealing with the lurkers and chances. If a simple 'no' doesn't work a raised palm and a slightly louder 'll said no' usually works as others see it.
We also use a code word which means 'ok let's go elsewhere' and it's instant when either used it.
No need for any aggression IMHO. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well as a club lover for some years l have only needed to be form with a guy once (l only go to clubs as a couple with friends) and find two ways of dealing with the lurkers and chances. If a simple 'no' doesn't work a raised palm and a slightly louder 'll said no' usually works as others see it.
We also use a code word which means 'ok let's go elsewhere' and it's instant when either used it.
No need for any aggression IMHO."
thats just assertiveness isnt it?-nobody can argue with that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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in the past with my gf/partners...I've had a quiet polite word, saying something like "mate ,she isnt wanting to play with u, sorry its her choice"
I'm no big or aggressive guy, so its never been a case of them being feared of getting lamped or anything...just a good approach.I know where to go if someone persists.STAFF! |
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"been reading on a few posts now about people being very aggresive when saying no in a club.
of course these responses might well have been exagerated in the written word however i fear not.
i have never had to be forceful when declining an offer to play, then men i have said no to have understood and moved away.
why do people feel it appropirate to get so aggresive? surely that then ruins the night more than just saying no....or does the adrenaline from getting all worked up improve the sex??
If you're alluding to the post that i made earlier, the bloke had been told no threetimes already and it was an invitation only room anyway, which he obviously didnt think made any difference to him or his friends "
not any one post in particular, just a running theme i had noticed
as said before, persistent offenders are deserving of more stern words but if its a first offence i see no need to threaten violece on someone |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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my boyfriend and i visited a club for both our first times recently, we had joined FAB, had a social but not any further so decided to dip our toes... The staff were fantastic, as were the people we met, and after settling in, we joined in a couples room, a first for both of us. All was wonderful, however one guy, obviously used to being the 'club stud' entered the room around 4 times, asking if he could join in. The male of each party politely refused him, but after a while, his persistance made me and my man so uncomfortable, we cut short our play, kinda ruined a good night for us as hightened the awareness of people watching, even tho at the time it got us off. decided to leave clubs a while now until we are more settled in this wonderful swinging world x  |
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By *heWolfMan
over a year ago
warwickshire |
"We also use a code word which means 'ok let's go elsewhere' and it's instant when either used it."
This is OK if you've made yourself clear as you say in your post, but some people just say this, and it's NOT making themselves clear, they don't appreciate that some men are um, "hard of thinking" (especially when they have a hard-on). Said men just think they are either being teased or are still in with a chance, and they will start pestering.
I saw one couple playing in an open room, a gent approached (like an Exocet, straight in, no messing, elbowing other men who were giving the couple some space out of the way) and asked if he could join in. The woman looked at her partner, muttered something, then he replied "Hmmm, you're alright mate" (Meaning "No thanks, go away"). The single man stood there, didn't know what to do, kept asking what they meant, it was excruciating to watch! The hubby obviously got more agitated, yet didn't just say that one simple word - "NO".
If someone has their cock in their hand, don't be subtle, they are not going to be offended by a straight answer, and then everyone knows where they stand.
I think some people DO need knocking out for their behaviour in clubs though... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Funny that it's nearly always some fat ugly **** that stands there when told no and the best looking guys were always (in our experience) the most well behaved.
Had a few bad experiences on 'couples' nights when the male half had clearly taken the wife/partner there and dumped her almost upon arrival and spent night without partner.
Stopped going to clubs for while because of all the dickheads. |
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A polite but firm no thanks is generally sufficient, even a simple shake of the head.
But touch me without an invitation and I come over all nannyish and will shame in a loud voice with withering comments " And who does this belong to? Did you mean to put that there? Were you invited? And what do we do without an invitation? We wait quietly and politely with our best party face on don't we? Now be a good boy and go away..."
But there have been occasions of WTF are you doing!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The only time I got aggressive towards a guy he was stopping me leaving the ladies and heading back to my fb in the bar area...he was trying to herd me into a private room off the corridor from the ladies. He hadn't approached at any point to ask if I wanted to play, he just followed me to the loos and wasn't for letting me past despite me asking him to...until I kindly offered to make earrings out of his balls unless he moved.
In hindsight I should have told staff and had him removed as a lot of women would have been very intimidated (he wasn't a small guy and could have easily over powered me). Had it been my first time in a club I doubt I would have gone back.
My fb at the time was not impressed at all but I didn't want a scene and so aside from a few exchanged looks nothing further happened, but it could have turned nasty had he come to find me and seen the situation with his own eyes as I wouldn't have had time to talk him down (I only told him when I got back to the bar because I was so mad he knew something was wrong) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"my boyfriend and i visited a club for both our first times recently, we had joined FAB, had a social but not any further so decided to dip our toes... The staff were fantastic, as were the people we met, and after settling in, we joined in a couples room, a first for both of us. All was wonderful, however one guy, obviously used to being the 'club stud' entered the room around 4 times, asking if he could join in. The male of each party politely refused him, but after a while, his persistance made me and my man so uncomfortable, we cut short our play, kinda ruined a good night for us as hightened the awareness of people watching, even tho at the time it got us off. decided to leave clubs a while now until we are more settled in this wonderful swinging world x "
I don't know what club it was but no single guy should have even been in the couples room ..and I would have told him so. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a single guy in clubs, I've always found that asking politely to join people for a chat receives a polite response - whether that is a yes or a no. However, I have had very one aggressive response from a bloke at Chams who, when I approached him, asked why I was looking at his 'bird' (his word, not mine). The obvious answer was that I was looking because she was beautiful and naked - but he seemed too angry to see the irony, so I didn't try to explain! Odd. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But touch me without an invitation and I come over all nannyish and will shame in a loud voice with withering comments " And who does this belong to? Did you mean to put that there? Were you invited? And what do we do without an invitation? We wait quietly and politely with our best party face on don't we? Now be a good boy and go away..."
"
*busily scribbles notes*
Thank you!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"in the past with my gf/partners...I've had a quiet polite word, saying something like "mate ,she isnt wanting to play with u, sorry its her choice"
I'm no big or aggressive guy, so its never been a case of them being feared of getting lamped or anything...just a good approach.I know where to go if someone persists.STAFF!"
Spot on! Why people allow chancers/irritating little shits to persist in annoying them is beyond me. You should only have to let them know they are not required ONCE and if they don't get the message, then it's over to the Staff.
Put yourself in the owners position - would you sooner have an upset couple who will then tell all their friends what happened and to steer clear of that club, or would you sooner chuck the guy out? I know exactly which route I would take.....
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But touch me without an invitation and I come over all nannyish and will shame in a loud voice with withering comments " And who does this belong to? Did you mean to put that there? Were you invited? And what do we do without an invitation? We wait quietly and politely with our best party face on don't we? Now be a good boy and go away..." "
Brilliant! Ooooooh I do love a good Nannying Lol!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Funny that it's nearly always some fat ugly **** that stands there when told no and the best looking guys were always (in our experience) the most well behaved. "
Cobblers! Have seen just as many Adonis behave like complete pricks towards women when not wanted, as 'fat ugly ****'. It's bugger all to do with HOW someone looks - it's ALL about a lack of respect, social awareness and old-fashioned manners.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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really interesting thread.
Putting aside the pain in the arse chancers who wont take no for an answer unless you get aggressive with them....
I wonder if people are being overly aggressive with saying 'no thanks' because they are out of their comfort zone, newbies? Or possibly had previous bad experiences, and so feel being overly aggressive is the only way to protect themselves??
I think to some people, it is a difficult line to walk trying to be friendly but assertive.
ps and very good point made by wolf. sometimes in the heat of the moment, you dont realise that what your saying isnt as clear to others as you may think  |
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