over my time here I have tried many different message techniques with little success. Not being the most confident person along with being dyslexic means that I struggle to be creative in my messages. Any advice from my fellow fabbers would go along way. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm no expert but when messaging include something from their profile that you can relate to inject a little humour into it and adapt each message to the person your messaging not just cut and paste and send same message to different profiles, youve been on 8 mths and 3 veris so your doing something right |
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"I'm no expert but when messaging include something from their profile that you can relate to inject a little humour into it and adapt each message to the person your messaging not just cut and paste and send same message to different profiles, youve been on 8 mths and 3 veris so your doing something right"
Looks can be deceiving the 3 varis are from 2 people and both come from meets on my couples profile. On my single profile my luck is awful |
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I wouldn't say confidence levels or dyslexia have ever impacted the creativity of my messages when I was a single guy on here. Although it has lead to some comical and bizarre spelling mistakes and misunderstandings. I think first and foremost be yourself. Accept that a lot of people will make a judgement on whether to reply base on your profile and if they like what they see. This is no negative reflection on you, just who ever good a message is without attraction its probably not going to get you anywhere. So obviously being on your A game profile wise will help. And of course avoid all the obvious do not's that I sure you do. Just remember attraction is a very nuanced thing. A great message doesn't garentee success. Likewise a mediocre message from some who's profile ticks all the boxes (for that particular recipient) will probably get a reply. Being a single guy on Fab is not for the faint hearted, you just have to keep your chin up, be yourself and hang in there. |
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Just make sure you actually read the profile. It's painfully obvious when someone hasn't and it's an instant no for us then. Not just guys either, women and couples do it too.
We've tried to make it really clear what we are looking for and actually put sections for single guys and couples so they don't necessarily have to read it all.
The message doesn't have to be long but if you make a reference to a part of our profile you liked then it tells us firstly you have read it and secondly that you may be messaging as we share an interest rather than it just being message number 1,000,000 for that day. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Some excellent advice above OP - you've not asked for profile advice so I can't give any but look at how yours could be improved, as it really is something that a lot of people look at before even considering opening a message.
Look for things that might put people off the idea of meeting you - you've made reference to a couples profile, does your wife/partner have a profile too? Might be worth adding her profile name to yours so people can cross-check, which may help.
As for messages there is no single catch all magic formula to them - what works for one person may not work for another, so it's a question of time and patience as much as anything.
The other thing to remember is sending messages isn't the only way to connect with people here - if that doesn't work for you (it doesn't for me either - I've sent precisely 6 "cold" messages in my four years here) look for other ways to use the site - the forums and chat rooms are a good way, or group socials and clubs (when they are back happening) are another.
Everything you need though is in your hands you just have to find what works best for you. |
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"Some excellent advice above OP - you've not asked for profile advice so I can't give any but look at how yours could be improved, as it really is something that a lot of people look at before even considering opening a message.
Look for things that might put people off the idea of meeting you - you've made reference to a couples profile, does your wife/partner have a profile too? Might be worth adding her profile name to yours so people can cross-check, which may help.
As for messages there is no single catch all magic formula to them - what works for one person may not work for another, so it's a question of time and patience as much as anything.
The other thing to remember is sending messages isn't the only way to connect with people here - if that doesn't work for you (it doesn't for me either - I've sent precisely 6 "cold" messages in my four years here) look for other ways to use the site - the forums and chat rooms are a good way, or group socials and clubs (when they are back happening) are another.
Everything you need though is in your hands you just have to find what works best for you."
As far as my profile I have rewritten it 4 or 5 times based off forum feedback but always happy to to take advice. I'm trying to be active on the forums aswell, just trying to find where I fit in |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"As far as my profile I have rewritten it 4 or 5 times based off forum feedback but always happy to to take advice. I'm trying to be active on the forums aswell, just trying to find where I fit in"
As it stands your profile isn't bad, if a little generic but two things stuck out on reading it, both of which may limit your interest to others - the BDSM angle and the "preference" for anal - nothing wrong with either, but some will read those as your primary interest and take them as expected, and may be put off accordingly.
I'd also suggest working on your pics a little - find some that show you off a little - again nothing wrong with what you have, but they're a little samey.
As for the forums, I'd not think of it so much as where you fit in, as opposed to just joining in with threads that interest you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"over my time here I have tried many different message techniques with little success. Not being the most confident person along with being dyslexic means that I struggle to be creative in my messages. Any advice from my fellow fabbers would go along way."
Trying to create a unique message for each profile is pointless and time consuming abs will probably get deleted or unread by 99% of the recipients . I would go for a non cheesy copy and pasted message that is a quick introduction rather than anything to complicated |
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"As far as my profile I have rewritten it 4 or 5 times based off forum feedback but always happy to to take advice. I'm trying to be active on the forums aswell, just trying to find where I fit in
As it stands your profile isn't bad, if a little generic but two things stuck out on reading it, both of which may limit your interest to others - the BDSM angle and the "preference" for anal - nothing wrong with either, but some will read those as your primary interest and take them as expected, and may be put off accordingly.
I'd also suggest working on your pics a little - find some that show you off a little - again nothing wrong with what you have, but they're a little samey.
As for the forums, I'd not think of it so much as where you fit in, as opposed to just joining in with threads that interest you."
With regards to bdsm and anal I wanted to be upfront and honest and set out my preferences from the outset. I only message women with anal as a listed interest. I need to take more pictures but I'm not very confident taking pictures and end up deleting them |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"As far as my profile I have rewritten it 4 or 5 times based off forum feedback but always happy to to take advice. I'm trying to be active on the forums aswell, just trying to find where I fit in
As it stands your profile isn't bad, if a little generic but two things stuck out on reading it, both of which may limit your interest to others - the BDSM angle and the "preference" for anal - nothing wrong with either, but some will read those as your primary interest and take them as expected, and may be put off accordingly.
I'd also suggest working on your pics a little - find some that show you off a little - again nothing wrong with what you have, but they're a little samey.
As for the forums, I'd not think of it so much as where you fit in, as opposed to just joining in with threads that interest you.
With regards to bdsm and anal I wanted to be upfront and honest and set out my preferences from the outset. I only message women with anal as a listed interest. I need to take more pictures but I'm not very confident taking pictures and end up deleting them"
Absolutely nothing wrong with being upfront and honest about your preferences but with that has to come acceptance that for many, even those with them listed as interests, that may be a reason to look elsewhere - both are activities that a lot of women would only do with someone they trust, so if they get the impression it's your main interest or something you'd want straight away it may work against you. I guess it comes down to finding the right balance.
As for pics, yes confidence comes into it, but with a little thought and practice you can get some good results with a phone camera on timer and basic editing software - if you're stuck for ideas look around at other guys with a similar body type to you for pics you think you can pull off. |
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"As far as my profile I have rewritten it 4 or 5 times based off forum feedback but always happy to to take advice. I'm trying to be active on the forums aswell, just trying to find where I fit in
As it stands your profile isn't bad, if a little generic but two things stuck out on reading it, both of which may limit your interest to others - the BDSM angle and the "preference" for anal - nothing wrong with either, but some will read those as your primary interest and take them as expected, and may be put off accordingly.
I'd also suggest working on your pics a little - find some that show you off a little - again nothing wrong with what you have, but they're a little samey.
As for the forums, I'd not think of it so much as where you fit in, as opposed to just joining in with threads that interest you.
With regards to bdsm and anal I wanted to be upfront and honest and set out my preferences from the outset. I only message women with anal as a listed interest. I need to take more pictures but I'm not very confident taking pictures and end up deleting them
Absolutely nothing wrong with being upfront and honest about your preferences but with that has to come acceptance that for many, even those with them listed as interests, that may be a reason to look elsewhere - both are activities that a lot of women would only do with someone they trust, so if they get the impression it's your main interest or something you'd want straight away it may work against you. I guess it comes down to finding the right balance.
As for pics, yes confidence comes into it, but with a little thought and practice you can get some good results with a phone camera on timer and basic editing software - if you're stuck for ideas look around at other guys with a similar body type to you for pics you think you can pull off."
Will consider how to take better pics |
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