"I think your post would have come across better if you put "My female friend wants to try" rather than "I want my female friend to try" "
Not very good wording things but it's something we both want to try |
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Put some phrases into a search engine of things you'd both like to try. You'll find loads of results returned you can both look at. Also have a look for some relevant pod casts.
Hope you enjoy the experience together  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There are probably lots to have her act it, however if she's not feeling it or is uncomfortable she won't enjoy it and neither will you. "
Couldn't have put it better myself. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its not for everyone so have no expectations. Maybe start very lightly and let her tie your hands and just explore your body doing what she wants. You have to just let it happen though without prompting. If she isn't enjoying you tied she can release you and your hands can join in think of it as teasing more than domination |
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I've been married for 10yrs and by chance I asked my wife if she wanted to use the ruler on my bottom, she did and this has progressed to her being rough with my cock, balls and nipples which I really enjoy. It's an occasional thing and I notice she has an orgasm so much quicker after this type of session.
I now drop little hints to her about what she could do to me next time eg get some ice and rub it all over my balls etc.
It's taken 10yrs to find this out! |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Take control and be in charge" could cover a wide variety of things OP - it could be as simple as her being more assertive and an otherwise vanilla sexual relationship, or could be full on whips and chains BDSM and as I'm sure you'll agree they are vastly different things.
Have you talked to her in more specific terms about what you would like to experience? If it's more the BDSM end of the spectrum, maybe search out some on-line BDSM questionnaires the type that list all sorts of activities which you rate one to five in terms of interest - if you both fill them out independently and then compare notes you will probably find some things to try.
Remember too it doesn't *have* to be D/s, perhaps she might be more comfortable with the "kink play" angle (where dominance and control don't come into it) to begin with and develop from there.
Either way the key is communicating - and communicating clearly - if you've just said you want her to "Take control and be in charge" without going into more detail, it may have conjured all the wrong images in her head and that's why she's reluctant. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
""Take control and be in charge" could cover a wide variety of things OP - it could be as simple as her being more assertive and an otherwise vanilla sexual relationship, or could be full on whips and chains BDSM and as I'm sure you'll agree they are vastly different things.
Have you talked to her in more specific terms about what you would like to experience? If it's more the BDSM end of the spectrum, maybe search out some on-line BDSM questionnaires the type that list all sorts of activities which you rate one to five in terms of interest - if you both fill them out independently and then compare notes you will probably find some things to try.
Remember too it doesn't *have* to be D/s, perhaps she might be more comfortable with the "kink play" angle (where dominance and control don't come into it) to begin with and develop from there.
Either way the key is communicating - and communicating clearly - if you've just said you want her to "Take control and be in charge" without going into more detail, it may have conjured all the wrong images in her head and that's why she's reluctant."
Indeed, being in control or taking charge does not mean you have to enter into any BDSM type roles.
Communication is key.
I would be asking you - what is it you want her to take control of or be more assertive at?
Directing you to perform sex acts?
Being rough with you?
Talking dirty?
And then the counter side to the coin. You mention she wants to do this. What does she want to do?
Embarrassment can be a blocker to people voicing their desires, which is why you should talk about it before any clothes come off. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Start from standing in her shoes. What is in this for her? It sounds like you are approaching this from a selfish standpoint - the fantasy you want her to fulfil is not about her and her needs - it’s about you.
I would recommend some Rika as she goes over this scenario of trying to get your partner to be more dominant and common mistakes. You probably won’t like what she has to say as it comes from a female-centric and hence female-led viewpoint. Basically- stop making it about you and start making it about her. Let her lead |
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Being dominate is very much a state of mind, one you can not really force.
It is certainly possible to develop more dominate traits if you are that way inclined and really want to.
However if you friend is actually wanting to be more dominate to please you, but her natural inclination is submissive, it will always feel forced and unnatural |
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"Start from standing in her shoes. What is in this for her? It sounds like you are approaching this from a selfish standpoint - the fantasy you want her to fulfil is not about her and her needs - it’s about you.
I would recommend some Rika as she goes over this scenario of trying to get your partner to be more dominant and common mistakes. You probably won’t like what she has to say as it comes from a female-centric and hence female-led viewpoint. Basically- stop making it about you and start making it about her. Let her lead "
I would love her to lead |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Start from standing in her shoes. What is in this for her? It sounds like you are approaching this from a selfish standpoint - the fantasy you want her to fulfil is not about her and her needs - it’s about you.
I would recommend some Rika as she goes over this scenario of trying to get your partner to be more dominant and common mistakes. You probably won’t like what she has to say as it comes from a female-centric and hence female-led viewpoint. Basically- stop making it about you and start making it about her. Let her lead
I would love her to lead "
yes, you've made that clear. However what does she want? |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Start from standing in her shoes. What is in this for her? It sounds like you are approaching this from a selfish standpoint - the fantasy you want her to fulfil is not about her and her needs - it’s about you.
I would recommend some Rika as she goes over this scenario of trying to get your partner to be more dominant and common mistakes. You probably won’t like what she has to say as it comes from a female-centric and hence female-led viewpoint. Basically- stop making it about you and start making it about her. Let her lead
I would love her to lead "
Lead specifically how though? It's very difficult to give advice on a subject that could be anything really without having more detail - "her leading" could be as simple as your girlfriend suggesting sex, or as complex as her taking you as her slave, and everything in between, all of them with very different ways of arriving at the outcome you are hoping for. |
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A way for her to lead is for you to say next time we have sex I won't do anything unless you ask me to. Then she can say things like I want you to fondle my breasts, now I want you to kiss me, I want you to give me oral, now put your cock inside me etc. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Start from standing in her shoes. What is in this for her? It sounds like you are approaching this from a selfish standpoint - the fantasy you want her to fulfil is not about her and her needs - it’s about you.
I would recommend some Rika as she goes over this scenario of trying to get your partner to be more dominant and common mistakes. You probably won’t like what she has to say as it comes from a female-centric and hence female-led viewpoint. Basically- stop making it about you and start making it about her. Let her lead
I would love her to lead "
Am I the only one finding it ironic that you are controlling how she is to control you? |
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""Take control and be in charge" could cover a wide variety of things OP - it could be as simple as her being more assertive and an otherwise vanilla sexual relationship, or could be full on whips and chains BDSM and as I'm sure you'll agree they are vastly different things.
Have you talked to her in more specific terms about what you would like to experience? If it's more the BDSM end of the spectrum, maybe search out some on-line BDSM questionnaires the type that list all sorts of activities which you rate one to five in terms of interest - if you both fill them out independently and then compare notes you will probably find some things to try.
Remember too it doesn't *have* to be D/s, perhaps she might be more comfortable with the "kink play" angle (where dominance and control don't come into it) to begin with and develop from there.
Either way the key is communicating - and communicating clearly - if you've just said you want her to "Take control and be in charge" without going into more detail, it may have conjured all the wrong images in her head and that's why she's reluctant."
Great advice thanks. |
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"Start from standing in her shoes. What is in this for her? It sounds like you are approaching this from a selfish standpoint - the fantasy you want her to fulfil is not about her and her needs - it’s about you.
I would recommend some Rika as she goes over this scenario of trying to get your partner to be more dominant and common mistakes. You probably won’t like what she has to say as it comes from a female-centric and hence female-led viewpoint. Basically- stop making it about you and start making it about her. Let her lead
I would love her to lead
Am I the only one finding it ironic that you are controlling how she is to control you?"
No that is why I'm not telling her what I want and asking for somewhere for her to search for it so she decides what she does. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Start from standing in her shoes. What is in this for her? It sounds like you are approaching this from a selfish standpoint - the fantasy you want her to fulfil is not about her and her needs - it’s about you.
I would recommend some Rika as she goes over this scenario of trying to get your partner to be more dominant and common mistakes. You probably won’t like what she has to say as it comes from a female-centric and hence female-led viewpoint. Basically- stop making it about you and start making it about her. Let her lead
I would love her to lead
Am I the only one finding it ironic that you are controlling how she is to control you?
No that is why I'm not telling her what I want and asking for somewhere for her to search for it so she decides what she does. "
Can you not see from mine and other posts how it's impossible for us to give advice, and her to know what you are referring to and even begin to search for herself if you don't give some kind of point of reference to begin from?
What you've said so far is akin to saying "I want something made with eggs to eat" - do you want them fried, scrambled, boiled, in a cake, in a quiche, hard, runny, hot, cold, raw etc?
And there's also something to be said about it being a dangerous path to tread if you don't tell her what you'd like to happen and leave her to decide - what if she decides she wants to tie you up and repeatedly kick you in the balls, but you just wanted her to lightly spank you sometimes?
See the problem? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Start from standing in her shoes. What is in this for her? It sounds like you are approaching this from a selfish standpoint - the fantasy you want her to fulfil is not about her and her needs - it’s about you.
I would recommend some Rika as she goes over this scenario of trying to get your partner to be more dominant and common mistakes. You probably won’t like what she has to say as it comes from a female-centric and hence female-led viewpoint. Basically- stop making it about you and start making it about her. Let her lead
I would love her to lead
Am I the only one finding it ironic that you are controlling how she is to control you?
No that is why I'm not telling her what I want and asking for somewhere for her to search for it so she decides what she does.
Can you not see from mine and other posts how it's impossible for us to give advice, and her to know what you are referring to and even begin to search for herself if you don't give some kind of point of reference to begin from?
What you've said so far is akin to saying "I want something made with eggs to eat" - do you want them fried, scrambled, boiled, in a cake, in a quiche, hard, runny, hot, cold, raw etc?
And there's also something to be said about it being a dangerous path to tread if you don't tell her what you'd like to happen and leave her to decide - what if she decides she wants to tie you up and repeatedly kick you in the balls, but you just wanted her to lightly spank you sometimes?
See the problem?"
And also  |
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she sees fit.
You'll be squirming & she doesn't have to lift a finger.
Easy