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Couples boundaries.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Being new to swinging (although we have had a singleton experience each on FAB) but now wish to do everything as a couple; can people give us an idea of how they established their 'FAB Happy boundaries with one another'.
It is an exciting World and any advice from deviants would be most welcome!!!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We don't have any physical boundaries. Our principal issue is that neither of us pushes the other into doing anything they don't want to or with anybody they don't want to do it with. "
That is really good advice. Thanks for that. Not that you would ever intentionally, but in the excitement of things....... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Have a discussion before any meets occur setting out the general rules of engagement. There may be none or 100, depends on you two as a couple.
These should be the kind of rules that are absolute red lines.
Then set out guidelines, things that are general rules but are open to discussion when the situation demands. These are your yellow lines.
Briefings before each meet and debriefings after, do these things and everything should flow smoothly for all concerned  |
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"Being new to swinging (although we have had a singleton experience each on FAB) but now wish to do everything as a couple; can people give us an idea of how they established their 'FAB Happy boundaries with one another'.
It is an exciting World and any advice from deviants would be most welcome!!!
"
Every couples boundaries will be different only thing I can say is make sure you talk everything through before hand and make sure your both 100 percent happy with everything.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Talk and keep talking to each other
Never do something that you're not both happy with
Good luck"
Great advice. But talking and listening (doesn't that come under 'multi tasking'......you know us blokes!!!)  |
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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago
Wakefield |
We don't have boundaries, we only have one rule enjoy ourselves.
That may sound strange but we each get real enjoyment from seeing the other happy.
So if one is having a pleasurable experience the other is. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Have a discussion before any meets occur setting out the general rules of engagement. There may be none or 100, depends on you two as a couple.
These should be the kind of rules that are absolute red lines.
Then set out guidelines, things that are general rules but are open to discussion when the situation demands. These are your yellow lines.
Briefings before each meet and debriefings after, do these things and everything should flow smoothly for all concerned "
That is really great, thank you. Red lines are clear, do you discuss those on email or at a social or just as you are commencing. I like the idea of debriefs afterwards....it can only improve future meets for both parties. |
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Would suggest erring on the side of caution initially and make sure you are always communicating.
It will spoil things if you do something that you regret later.
Communicating well includes during a meet. When meeting with hubby we are in regular eye contact with each other and always check we are both comfortable.
We have very few boundaries but will happily go with the flow. Soft swing can be just as good, and in some cases even better than full swap.
I would also advise not to drink too much. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We don't have boundaries, we only have one rule enjoy ourselves.
That may sound strange but we each get real enjoyment from seeing the other happy.
So if one is having a pleasurable experience the other is."
I'm pleased to see such an open couple. I presume you are far more experienced than us. Maybe our barriers or lines will soften in time as we gain experience. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Would suggest erring on the side of caution initially and make sure you are always communicating.
It will spoil things if you do something that you regret later.
Communicating well includes during a meet. When meeting with hubby we are in regular eye contact with each other and always check we are both comfortable.
We have very few boundaries but will happily go with the flow. Soft swing can be just as good, and in some cases even better than full swap.
I would also advise not to drink too much."
My wife is quite shy initially, how would you recommend she relaxes without booze?  |
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We established ours over time, we found some things we thought we'd enjoy we didn't and vice versa.
We agreed years ago that if something happened that one of us didn't like we wouldn't do it again. |
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"Would suggest erring on the side of caution initially and make sure you are always communicating.
It will spoil things if you do something that you regret later.
Communicating well includes during a meet. When meeting with hubby we are in regular eye contact with each other and always check we are both comfortable.
We have very few boundaries but will happily go with the flow. Soft swing can be just as good, and in some cases even better than full swap.
I would also advise not to drink too much.
My wife is quite shy initially, how would you recommend she relaxes without booze? "
Limit to one drink, maybe two and maybe meet socially only first. |
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We're still working ours out a little but we play with couples together and I am looking for ladies on my single profile and hubby is looking for guys/tvs on his.
We talk often and are very open with what we want, discuss it together then decide as we go along, it's fluid rather than fixed boundaries for us. Xxx |
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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago
Wakefield |
"
I'm pleased to see such an open couple. I presume you are far more experienced than us. Maybe our barriers or lines will soften in time as we gain experience."
Thank you yes we have been swinging together since 1981
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We're still working ours out a little but we play with couples together and I am looking for ladies on my single profile and hubby is looking for guys/tvs on his.
We talk often and are very open with what we want, discuss it together then decide as we go along, it's fluid rather than fixed boundaries for us. Xxx"
Here is a tough one. Do you discuss everything after....including things you liked......even if it is at the expense of your partner's feelings or ego????   |
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"We're still working ours out a little but we play with couples together and I am looking for ladies on my single profile and hubby is looking for guys/tvs on his.
We talk often and are very open with what we want, discuss it together then decide as we go along, it's fluid rather than fixed boundaries for us. Xxx
Here is a tough one. Do you discuss everything after....including things you liked......even if it is at the expense of your partner's feelings or ego???? "
I think successful swinging relies on couples not feeling threatened by their partner enjoying something/someone else.
It shouldn't be seen as a negative that one of you experiences something better... you have learnt a new way to pleasure them, which is a good thing.
We both really enjoy seeing each other enjoying themselves, whoever happens to be the giver.
Remember that what works for one couple won't work for everyone. |
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"We're still working ours out a little but we play with couples together and I am looking for ladies on my single profile and hubby is looking for guys/tvs on his.
We talk often and are very open with what we want, discuss it together then decide as we go along, it's fluid rather than fixed boundaries for us. Xxx
Here is a tough one. Do you discuss everything after....including things you liked......even if it is at the expense of your partner's feelings or ego???? "
We talk about everything before and after as for us communication is extremely important.. |
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It's all about communicating, talk before and after about what your ok with and after play talk about what you liked,
For us it's an ever evolving things, things we wouldnt dream of doing at the beginning we now know we are happy to do them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It has evolved over time for us. We had many red lines and boundaries at the start. Much less so now. The process however remains the same - communication with each other always. Before, during, and after. Every meet is individual - what might feel right on one occasion may not on another.
We make sure anyone joining us knows our red lines and maybes, and we make sure they feel able to share theirs with us also.
The main non-negotiable for us though is if either of us is uncomfortable with any aspect of a meet then it doesn't happen |
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Boundaries are important as a basic framework. We are on the whole a softer swing couple at the moment. But we've also found boundaries to be fluid and vary dependent of the vibe, atmosphere and the people we're with. We find every encounter is different. Just because we did or enjoyed something one time doesn't mean it will feel right the next time or in a different place or with different people. I think the key is to communicate and know when things just feel right for both of you and when they don't rather than militant boundaries. And sometimes despite everything someone can get it wrong or missread things. Its not easy at times (for anyone I think). That's where its important not to be hard on yourselves and to understand a huge part of this is a learning curve for both of you. You may not get the dynamic right first time but communication, trust and openness will see you find your way (which is different for everyone). And its ok to take your time. |
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"It has evolved over time for us. We had many red lines and boundaries at the start. Much less so now. The process however remains the same - communication with each other always. Before, during, and after. Every meet is individual - what might feel right on one occasion may not on another.
We make sure anyone joining us knows our red lines and maybes, and we make sure they feel able to share theirs with us also.
The main non-negotiable for us though is if either of us is uncomfortable with any aspect of a meet then it doesn't happen"
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Communication is the most important thing. We started with lots of boundaries to help us get going, but in reality they probably caused us more hassle because they were too specific. For example, when she stayed over but we said she would be finished by 11am, I'd start getting tense as it came close to 11 as I was waiting to hear from her. I think it would have been better to be less specific, but maybe I needed that then. Now we don't really have any boundaries, just happy if each of us has fun.
So I'd try to keep the boundaries a little general if you can, and the most important thing is to look after each other and reconnect well after every encounter... And communicate, communicate, communicate. Happy to take a pm if you want to know more |
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It’s simple for us.
We both have to be happy.
We never take one for the team.
You could see the most amazing person and be attracted but unless we both agree, it doesn’t happen. Simple.
Hasn’t stopped us having a lot of fun.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It’s simple for us.
We both have to be happy.
We never take one for the team.
You could see the most amazing person and be attracted but unless we both agree, it doesn’t happen. Simple.
That is really great advice.....thanks for that. In our age category.......a lot of the women still look amazing......but couples can be let down by the chaps (who are......less well toned???) Couples profiles are also 30 female pictures to 1 male........not so good for my Mrs.....when we both want to be turned on and attracted by what we see!!!!
Hasn’t stopped us having a lot of fun.."
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Communication is the most important thing. We started with lots of boundaries to help us get going, but in reality they probably caused us more hassle because they were too specific. For example, when she stayed over but we said she would be finished by 11am, I'd start getting tense as it came close to 11 as I was waiting to hear from her. I think it would have been better to be less specific, but maybe I needed that then. Now we don't really have any boundaries, just happy if each of us has fun.
So I'd try to keep the boundaries a little general if you can, and the most important thing is to look after each other and reconnect well after every encounter... And communicate, communicate, communicate. Happy to take a pm if you want to know more"
This is lovely advice. The specific timing issue was an issue for me in my wife's first solo experience...... We both learnt from it though. |
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"We're still working ours out a little but we play with couples together and I am looking for ladies on my single profile and hubby is looking for guys/tvs on his.
We talk often and are very open with what we want, discuss it together then decide as we go along, it's fluid rather than fixed boundaries for us. Xxx
Here is a tough one. Do you discuss everything after....including things you liked......even if it is at the expense of your partner's feelings or ego???? "
We have only signed up to fab since lockdown so no meets other than social yet, but yes we would. I'm not sure ego would be an issue for us as neither of us is that type of person. We're very laid back |
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"We're still working ours out a little but we play with couples together and I am looking for ladies on my single profile and hubby is looking for guys/tvs on his.
We talk often and are very open with what we want, discuss it together then decide as we go along, it's fluid rather than fixed boundaries for us. Xxx
Here is a tough one. Do you discuss everything after....including things you liked......even if it is at the expense of your partner's feelings or ego????
I think successful swinging relies on couples not feeling threatened by their partner enjoying something/someone else.
It shouldn't be seen as a negative that one of you experiences something better... you have learnt a new way to pleasure them, which is a good thing.
We both really enjoy seeing each other enjoying themselves, whoever happens to be the giver.
Remember that what works for one couple won't work for everyone. "
yes, agree xx |
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By *scouple07Couple
over a year ago
louth, Ireland |
We spoke for a long time before we joined about our boundaries, it has changed during our time on here but it has always been discussed before and after any meets. Talking to each other is the key |
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The other thing is to recognise there are different types of boundaries. Your partner breaking/bending some boundaries can be a real turn on, breaking others might be hurtful. Make sure you both understand which are which. |
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