Someone the other day quoted 'enjoys being a Sub and being used'
Another person said 'Subs have all the power and ultimately is in charge'
How would you describe your role as a submissive lover or what submission means to you? Maybe you haven't tried being submissive from what you heard about it. Lets dispel the myths and stereotypes.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Someone the other day quoted 'enjoys being a Sub and being used'
Another person said 'Subs have all the power and ultimately is in charge'
How would you describe your role as a submissive lover or what submission means to you? Maybe you haven't tried being submissive from what you heard about it. Lets dispel the myths and stereotypes.
"
Subs do not hold the power, once a dynamic is agreed they hand over that power, that is the point of submitting.
I find submission makes me feel more empowered in my day to day life, knowing I can let go of the responsibilities when I’m with my owner, trusting them to respect the limits we agreed on at the start. I’m a masochist too and the pain helps to ground me and clear my head of unnecessary stress.
I haven’t had a fully in depth submissive relationship just a short experience. Having someone to answer to made me feel cared for and I took great pleasure in doing what was asked of me. Over the last couple years I have found that I am looking more towards a 1950s style dynamic With potential to move to a TPE with the right person. I think everyone’s journey as submissive or dominant is their own but I would really like to learn a lot more about the traditional ways rather than the new age where everyone thinks submissives run the show or that bratty behaviour is normal |
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Ok I will start the controversy and the busting of myths .. The supposition that the submissive holds all the power and controls the situation , and the dynamic evolves all around them . ? Was made up by Men , not wanting to be seen as “ just bastards “ or “ bullies , ...
I do get it though , why they need to protect themselves from public scrutiny . A male Dom is just doing what males do naturally , being a Dom . Being sadistical comes naturally to younboys , they hit things with Sticks , pull wings of butterfly’s and chase small girls with buckets of spiders and handfuls of worms , just to hear them scream ..
A Female Dominatrix of course comes the other ying of the yang . She is A woman , a giver of life , very few females take life away , .. If she holds a sadistical secret to her sexuality , it’s at odds with more natural tendency’s ..
The dominant women I have known all want the control . To be in charge of “ it “ As a submissive male to females I relenquish all power ( that doesn’t mean sanity ) to her . otherwise , I’m just being male .. and getting what I want ... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Male sub here with some experience. From my perspective, a sub sets the boundaries while the domme controls everything within the boundaries.
So who is ultimately in charge? Both. In the end, the act of submission and dominance happens with mutual consent. The mistresses I have had experience with, have been both dominant and caring. They push my limits but also ask me once in awhile if I am alright and if they should stop.
I don't see a D/s relationship to be any different from a normal relationship. There is no one actually in charge. One person acts as being in charge because the other person consents to. In reality, they are just two adults who found a partner with the right sexual compatibility to explore all their desires. |
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Every one has their own style.
My view
The Dom/me needs the sub, as much as the sub needs the Dom/me.
It's about trusting the Dom/me will push you to the edge, but stop you falling over, but instead send you flying, on an endorphin rush.
What triggers that natural neurochemical high varies, but that's why it's best to explore this within an on-going relationship.
The sub's power is the safe word. They are giving consent to being used and abused. The removal of consent, by invoking the safe word is a sign that something went wrong.
The problem is pornography and other media (50 shades etc) confusing abusive situations with real relationships. |
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Saying either party has full control is not what I think D/s is about. I believe it to be a totally 50/50 thing. Yes a sub can set out boundaries but a Dom is in control during a scene, but it's all a joint thing.
And frankly it's bit of perilous position to put yourself into,to say as a sub I have ultimate control. And I think this is when a Dom could potentially turn around if things go wrong and blame the sub.
How can I be in control when I'm in subspace and I'm incoherent and can't feel pain? This is when all the responsibility is on the Dom and using his own experience and knowledge. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a brat I have a tendency to top from the bottom.
However when I’m being a good girl and handing over my submission, the boundaries would have been set with me and my dominant. He is in control when I have submitted to him and he is welcome to push my boundaries however I have a safe word.
Respect both ways is what’s important. Personally for me if a potential Dom said they want a sub they can use it would put me off. However if I am at the stage of being prepared to submit to my dominant and he wants to call me his fuck toy- then I find it a turn on.
I think what I’m trying to say is neither is correct, it’s much more deep and individual to the dynamic between the two people |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Submission is exactly that. You submit to your Dommes every wish, you obay every instruction
You surrender control and not for a few hours a week. That is true submission
Of course role play is fine if that’s your thing or what ever variation you and your partner agree on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I like my sex like the rest of my life...nice and simple
So for me, beyond sorting out things I either don't like or have no desire to try, I have a 'have at it' attitude to it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Male sub here with some experience. From my perspective, a sub sets the boundaries while the domme controls everything within the boundaries.
So who is ultimately in charge? Both. In the end, the act of submission and dominance happens with mutual consent. The mistresses I have had experience with, have been both dominant and caring. They push my limits but also ask me once in awhile if I am alright and if they should stop.
I don't see a D/s relationship to be any different from a normal relationship. There is no one actually in charge. One person acts as being in charge because the other person consents to. In reality, they are just two adults who found a partner with the right sexual compatibility to explore all their desires."
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"Ok I will start the controversy and the busting of myths .. The supposition that the submissive holds all the power and controls the situation , and the dynamic evolves all around them . ? Was made up by Men , not wanting to be seen as “ just bastards “ or “ bullies , ...
I do get it though , why they need to protect themselves from public scrutiny . A male Dom is just doing what males do naturally , being a Dom . Being sadistical comes naturally to younboys , they hit things with Sticks , pull wings of butterfly’s and chase small girls with buckets of spiders and handfuls of worms , just to hear them scream ..
A Female Dominatrix of course comes the other ying of the yang . She is A woman , a giver of life , very few females take life away , .. If she holds a sadistical secret to her sexuality , it’s at odds with more natural tendency’s ..
The dominant women I have known all want the control . To be in charge of “ it “ As a submissive male to females I relenquish all power ( that doesn’t mean sanity ) to her . otherwise , I’m just being male .. and getting what I want ... "
well speaking from experience yes I definitely want to possess all the control 
But only after discussing boundaries, likes and dislikes with my partner before we play |
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"Male sub here with some experience. From my perspective, a sub sets the boundaries while the domme controls everything within the boundaries.
So who is ultimately in charge? Both. In the end, the act of submission and dominance happens with mutual consent. The mistresses I have had experience with, have been both dominant and caring. They push my limits but also ask me once in awhile if I am alright and if they should stop.
I don't see a D/s relationship to be any different from a normal relationship. There is no one actually in charge. One person acts as being in charge because the other person consents to. In reality, they are just two adults who found a partner with the right sexual compatibility to explore all their desires.
"
thank you for sharing.. i agree.. its mutual agreement but different bedroom personalities that work well together |
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