FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Just wondering about BDSM
Just wondering about BDSM
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By *icentious OP Couple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
I totally understand why fab doesn’t want a forum around this, respect it totally.
Is it worth creating a user group to explore this sexuality?
It may develop, because I for one cannot get my head round the American site.
Love fab to bits, to me, there needs to be some sort forum to expand BDSM.
Thoughts?
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I think the bdsm forum has been asked several times over. It would be popular but the understanding is there are already site for that side of things.
Pitty as I know what you mean, the other sites seem very colicky and hard to get on with.
Fab is much more open and get involved. Plus it's a huge side of the swinging scene. |
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Swinging and Bdsm don't mix. We're in the swinging sceane and the Bdsm community.
Theres a distinked differance from BDSM, and swinger slap at tickle.
We love 3somes, 4somes and moresome in the swinging world. In our D/s kink theres only room for the 2 of us. We never cross the 2 over. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Fetlife is hard to navigate and find others.
I think it’d be a great idea, or, even if they started a fab bdsm site with the same platform on here would be great. X |
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"I totally understand why fab doesn’t want a forum around this, respect it totally.
Is it worth creating a user group to explore this sexuality?
It may develop, because I for one cannot get my head round the American site.
Love fab to bits, to me, there needs to be some sort forum to expand BDSM.
Thoughts?
"
I don't see that BDSM is a sexuality?
I am into BDSM and swinging and they are not mutually exclusive but they do tend to be separate for most. |
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By *icentious OP Couple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"I totally understand why fab doesn’t want a forum around this, respect it totally.
Is it worth creating a user group to explore this sexuality?
It may develop, because I for one cannot get my head round the American site.
Love fab to bits, to me, there needs to be some sort forum to expand BDSM.
Thoughts?
I don't see that BDSM is a sexuality?
I am into BDSM and swinging and they are not mutually exclusive but they do tend to be separate for most."
Interesting, what is not sexual about using a ladies sensuality to take her into a rolling orgasm?
An I missing a code here? |
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"I totally understand why fab doesn’t want a forum around this, respect it totally.
Is it worth creating a user group to explore this sexuality?
It may develop, because I for one cannot get my head round the American site.
Love fab to bits, to me, there needs to be some sort forum to expand BDSM.
Thoughts?
I don't see that BDSM is a sexuality?
I am into BDSM and swinging and they are not mutually exclusive but they do tend to be separate for most.
Interesting, what is not sexual about using a ladies sensuality to take her into a rolling orgasm?
An I missing a code here?"
Were you a Star Trek fan? Remember three dimensional chess?
Sometimes our paraphilias and desires are one dimension of what makes us sexual people, and our sexual orientation is another. The intersections between those dimensions are where the fun occurs. Add in race, and gender, and you really start digging deep into stuff where your brain has to be fully engaged.
Shying away from BDSM is common on commercial sites because the credit card companies and payment processors, who enable commercial sites, and who take a huge amount of the profits, shy away from anything which, since R vs Brown, might draw the gaze of the prosecutors.
Would we like a BDSM forum on here? Only if dimdoms were banned on sight. |
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By *icentious OP Couple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"I totally understand why fab doesn’t want a forum around this, respect it totally.
Is it worth creating a user group to explore this sexuality?
It may develop, because I for one cannot get my head round the American site.
Love fab to bits, to me, there needs to be some sort forum to expand BDSM.
Thoughts?
I don't see that BDSM is a sexuality?
I am into BDSM and swinging and they are not mutually exclusive but they do tend to be separate for most.
Interesting, what is not sexual about using a ladies sensuality to take her into a rolling orgasm?
An I missing a code here?Were you a Star Trek fan? Remember three dimensional chess?
Sometimes our paraphilias and desires are one dimension of what makes us sexual people, and our sexual orientation is another. The intersections between those dimensions are where the fun occurs. Add in race, and gender, and you really start digging deep into stuff where your brain has to be fully engaged.
Shying away from BDSM is common on commercial sites because the credit card companies and payment processors, who enable commercial sites, and who take a huge amount of the profits, shy away from anything which, since R vs Brown, might draw the gaze of the prosecutors.
Would we like a BDSM forum on here? Only if dimdoms were banned on sight."
Or ConDoms Scotty. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Swinging and Bdsm don't mix. We're in the swinging sceane and the Bdsm community.
Theres a distinked differance from BDSM, and swinger slap at tickle.
We love 3somes, 4somes and moresome in the swinging world. In our D/s kink theres only room for the 2 of us. We never cross the 2 over. "
I was a heavy part of the London, Manchester and Brum BDSM scene for about 10 years. I am in the agreement with above that the 2 do not mix and (I bloody love this phrase) DimDoms would unfortunately outweigh those of us who actually know the score. |
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Oh ban the dim Dom’s love that as a statement sadly they are everywhere even on the real life scene although they normally get shunned when found out on the real life scene, since 50 shades effect to hold I have even found the ‘scene’ to be hard work and many once enjoyable munches ruined.
I wholly agree about the American web site especially as it put the nails in the coffin of informed consent which was a lovely community resource site and much missed.
I don’t see the Fetish and Bdsm discussions being removed so why do they need to have there own forum section, it would most likely just create showboating by people who just don’t really have a clue and at worst spread dangerous information. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Swinging and Bdsm don't mix. We're in the swinging sceane and the Bdsm community.
Theres a distinked differance from BDSM, and swinger slap at tickle.
We love 3somes, 4somes and moresome in the swinging world. In our D/s kink theres only room for the 2 of us. We never cross the 2 over. "
^^ This. The trust and depth of understanding between the two (or more) parties can only come with time which seems at odds with the nsa approach most purport to be seeking on here.
"Interesting, what is not sexual about using a ladies sensuality to take her into a rolling orgasm?
An I missing a code here?"
Yes you are. You can have a completely meaningful D/s relationship without any sort of sex. You can have all sorts of scenes, impact, needle play, electrostim etc without there being a sexual element. It is unusual but it does happen and it emphasisis that it is more about the mental stimulation and growth of one or all of the involved parties rather than "using a ladies sensuality to take her into a rolling orgasm" |
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By *DW1983Man
over a year ago
Aberdeen, Leeds, Sheffield |
I agree that Fab isn't really the place for BDSM, it's something very different to swinging and not necessarily sexual. Of course, there are plenty of people who do both, but for those who are serious enough to want to find out more and learn how to do things properly and safely, sites such as Fet are much better. It's a bit of a leap from hiding behind a screen to going to social events, but I have found the community very welcoming and it has led to having some very fun experiences and going to fun events with a group of friends rather than alone or not at all.
I disgree that it is hard to navigate, it isn't a hook-up site, and getting involved in the social side is much more important - become a part of the community, learn about people, meet potential play partners and build up trust with them and the community as a whole.
I guess the counter argument though is that many of those who are curious on here might not want to go to those lengths, so is it better to have somewhere to talk about it on here, to get advice and help, rather than have nowhere at all? |
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By *icentious OP Couple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"Swinging and Bdsm don't mix. We're in the swinging sceane and the Bdsm community.
Theres a distinked differance from BDSM, and swinger slap at tickle.
We love 3somes, 4somes and moresome in the swinging world. In our D/s kink theres only room for the 2 of us. We never cross the 2 over.
^^ This. The trust and depth of understanding between the two (or more) parties can only come with time which seems at odds with the nsa approach most purport to be seeking on here.
Interesting, what is not sexual about using a ladies sensuality to take her into a rolling orgasm?
An I missing a code here?
Yes you are. You can have a completely meaningful D/s relationship without any sort of sex. You can have all sorts of scenes, impact, needle play, electrostim etc without there being a sexual element. It is unusual but it does happen and it emphasisis that it is more about the mental stimulation and growth of one or all of the involved parties rather than "using a ladies sensuality to take her into a rolling orgasm" "
Did you ever manage to get your grandma to suck eggs?
I fully understand the Miller 7+/-2 concept of overcoming cognitive thought and know totally how to work with it while fully understand the psychology behind it.
Plus I fully know how to deal side effects.
So I’m not missing any code just being too subtle in my joking, apologies. |
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By *icentious OP Couple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"I agree that Fab isn't really the place for BDSM, it's something very different to swinging and not necessarily sexual. Of course, there are plenty of people who do both, but for those who are serious enough to want to find out more and learn how to do things properly and safely, sites such as Fet are much better. It's a bit of a leap from hiding behind a screen to going to social events, but I have found the community very welcoming and it has led to having some very fun experiences and going to fun events with a group of friends rather than alone or not at all.
I disgree that it is hard to navigate, it isn't a hook-up site, and getting involved in the social side is much more important - become a part of the community, learn about people, meet potential play partners and build up trust with them and the community as a whole.
I guess the counter argument though is that many of those who are curious on here might not want to go to those lengths, so is it better to have somewhere to talk about it on here, to get advice and help, rather than have nowhere at all?"
Well we will have to disagree, the other site (to me) is horrible to navigate and full of people who can’t even spell fun, never mind engaging in it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Swinging and Bdsm don't mix. We're in the swinging sceane and the Bdsm community.
Theres a distinked differance from BDSM, and swinger slap at tickle.
We love 3somes, 4somes and moresome in the swinging world. In our D/s kink theres only room for the 2 of us. We never cross the 2 over.
^^ This. The trust and depth of understanding between the two (or more) parties can only come with time which seems at odds with the nsa approach most purport to be seeking on here.
Interesting, what is not sexual about using a ladies sensuality to take her into a rolling orgasm?
An I missing a code here?
Yes you are. You can have a completely meaningful D/s relationship without any sort of sex. You can have all sorts of scenes, impact, needle play, electrostim etc without there being a sexual element. It is unusual but it does happen and it emphasisis that it is more about the mental stimulation and growth of one or all of the involved parties rather than "using a ladies sensuality to take her into a rolling orgasm"
Did you ever manage to get your grandma to suck eggs?
I fully understand the Miller 7+/-2 concept of overcoming cognitive thought and know totally how to work with it while fully understand the psychology behind it.
Plus I fully know how to deal side effects.
So I’m not missing any code just being too subtle in my joking, apologies."
My apologies I took your question on face value as it is one that has come up here before. Good luck in what you are looking for |
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By *icentious OP Couple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"Swinging and Bdsm don't mix. We're in the swinging sceane and the Bdsm community.
Theres a distinked differance from BDSM, and swinger slap at tickle.
We love 3somes, 4somes and moresome in the swinging world. In our D/s kink theres only room for the 2 of us. We never cross the 2 over.
^^ This. The trust and depth of understanding between the two (or more) parties can only come with time which seems at odds with the nsa approach most purport to be seeking on here.
Interesting, what is not sexual about using a ladies sensuality to take her into a rolling orgasm?
An I missing a code here?
Yes you are. You can have a completely meaningful D/s relationship without any sort of sex. You can have all sorts of scenes, impact, needle play, electrostim etc without there being a sexual element. It is unusual but it does happen and it emphasisis that it is more about the mental stimulation and growth of one or all of the involved parties rather than "using a ladies sensuality to take her into a rolling orgasm"
Did you ever manage to get your grandma to suck eggs?
I fully understand the Miller 7+/-2 concept of overcoming cognitive thought and know totally how to work with it while fully understand the psychology behind it.
Plus I fully know how to deal side effects.
So I’m not missing any code just being too subtle in my joking, apologies.
My apologies I took your question on face value as it is one that has come up here before. Good luck in what you are looking for"
Ha ha, luck is never a factor.
Have fun. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’m on Fet and really struggle with it! Wish it was an easier to use platform"
Once IC went that was it for me. I tried the 2 other main sites but gave up in the end. Plus I was moving away from Manchester so really i left the mainstream BDSM me there x |
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By *manda63Woman
over a year ago
Southampton |
I've been asked if I want rough kinky sex today. I've experienced some very mild restraint play/paddle usage. But never the rough sex. A forum post or section like this with info and advice for a newbie to this would be a good idea |
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By *icentious OP Couple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"I’m on Fet and really struggle with it! Wish it was an easier to use platform
Fet isn't to bad just very formal and American based.
Lots of useful groups for information and advice.
"
Agree with this, some of the sub forums that testosterone isn’t allowed on are brilliant, I would recommend anyone looking into being submissive assess the forums, well if you can find them |
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By *urflrCouple
over a year ago
wirral |
Agree with others that find that particular site clumsy and not that user friendly.
We’ve found a good online BdSm community on t u m b l r, wealth of information, advice and good conversation.
Oh and love the expression Dimdom, plenty of them around  |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
The other site worked for me but my interests are ropes, whips and floggers that are well catered for on that site.
Experienced subs are never worried by "dim doms" because a bit like "Faking It" they can easily be spotted by experienced people. Dimdoms only fool newbie subs.
One of the problem for the BDSM forums is they can become the focus of people who don't (either by design or not knowing better) have a filter and starting raising issues that are not permitted.
In the 6 years I have been on and off Fab, in the early years I have been part of two attempts to get a BDSM forum, and both as you can see failed.
The bigger problem for me is that on Fab you cannot have an adult conversation on taboo matters without being suspended or the thread removed. You can't put links to reference articles, or more than two links to Amazon.
Provided it is only blue pill BDSM it can be mentioned, the red pill gets you suspended even if the item is legal. Which tends to go against the spirit of BDSM.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I found and find fet useful, it isn't that hard to negotiate but is set up in a very different way from fab but then it's purpose is very different from fab. It has a lot of useful resources and links throughout the threads. It can tend to be very North America centric but mostly because it's based there and it is people driven website, the bigger the user base the bigger the contribution and their the more skewed it appears. In general though it is a more accepting and tolerant site with less condescension than other sites. |
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By *icentious OP Couple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"I found and find fet useful, it isn't that hard to negotiate but is set up in a very different way from fab but then it's purpose is very different from fab. It has a lot of useful resources and links throughout the threads. It can tend to be very North America centric but mostly because it's based there and it is people driven website, the bigger the user base the bigger the contribution and their the more skewed it appears. In general though it is a more accepting and tolerant site with less condescension than other sites. "
Not in my world, agree it is more open, equally as the spectrum gets wider so does elite belief.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I found and find fet useful, it isn't that hard to negotiate but is set up in a very different way from fab but then it's purpose is very different from fab. It has a lot of useful resources and links throughout the threads. It can tend to be very North America centric but mostly because it's based there and it is people driven website, the bigger the user base the bigger the contribution and their the more skewed it appears. In general though it is a more accepting and tolerant site with less condescension than other sites.
Not in my world, agree it is more open, equally as the spectrum gets wider so does elite belief.
"
Oh there are plenty on there who believe they've reached the pinnacle of human existance but for us day to day folks I have found it more accepting and with a lot less kink shaming than other places |
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By *icentious OP Couple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"I found and find fet useful, it isn't that hard to negotiate but is set up in a very different way from fab but then it's purpose is very different from fab. It has a lot of useful resources and links throughout the threads. It can tend to be very North America centric but mostly because it's based there and it is people driven website, the bigger the user base the bigger the contribution and their the more skewed it appears. In general though it is a more accepting and tolerant site with less condescension than other sites.
Not in my world, agree it is more open, equally as the spectrum gets wider so does elite belief.
Oh there are plenty on there who believe they've reached the pinnacle of human existance but for us day to day folks I have found it more accepting and with a lot less kink shaming than other places"
Really, love day to day people, they like to smile and have fun..., give us a little smile. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I found and find fet useful, it isn't that hard to negotiate but is set up in a very different way from fab but then it's purpose is very different from fab. It has a lot of useful resources and links throughout the threads. It can tend to be very North America centric but mostly because it's based there and it is people driven website, the bigger the user base the bigger the contribution and their the more skewed it appears. In general though it is a more accepting and tolerant site with less condescension than other sites.
Not in my world, agree it is more open, equally as the spectrum gets wider so does elite belief.
Oh there are plenty on there who believe they've reached the pinnacle of human existance but for us day to day folks I have found it more accepting and with a lot less kink shaming than other places
Really, love day to day people, they like to smile and have fun..., give us a little smile. "
Just for you  have a big smile |
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By *icentious OP Couple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"I found and find fet useful, it isn't that hard to negotiate but is set up in a very different way from fab but then it's purpose is very different from fab. It has a lot of useful resources and links throughout the threads. It can tend to be very North America centric but mostly because it's based there and it is people driven website, the bigger the user base the bigger the contribution and their the more skewed it appears. In general though it is a more accepting and tolerant site with less condescension than other sites.
Not in my world, agree it is more open, equally as the spectrum gets wider so does elite belief.
Oh there are plenty on there who believe they've reached the pinnacle of human existance but for us day to day folks I have found it more accepting and with a lot less kink shaming than other places
Really, love day to day people, they like to smile and have fun..., give us a little smile.
Just for you have a big smile"
Good man. |
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"I’m on Fet and really struggle with it! Wish it was an easier to use platform
Once IC went that was it for me. I tried the 2 other main sites but gave up in the end. Plus I was moving away from Manchester so really i left the mainstream BDSM me there x"
Shame about I.C. closing, I was on it for a long time with my live together sub of 10 years ; The announcement came out of the blue, not sure why Tanos decided enough was enough it was a good forum based site. People were open, connected, it had access to legal support. Adult Informed consent is still very much a part of our lifestyle. |
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By *icentious OP Couple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"I’m on Fet and really struggle with it! Wish it was an easier to use platform
Once IC went that was it for me. I tried the 2 other main sites but gave up in the end. Plus I was moving away from Manchester so really i left the mainstream BDSM me there x
Shame about I.C. closing, I was on it for a long time with my live together sub of 10 years ; The announcement came out of the blue, not sure why Tanos decided enough was enough it was a good forum based site. People were open, connected, it had access to legal support. Adult Informed consent is still very much a part of our lifestyle. "
I have never come across this, would love to know how the platform worked. |
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By *icentious OP Couple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"I've been asked if I want rough kinky sex today. I've experienced some very mild restraint play/paddle usage. But never the rough sex. A forum post or section like this with info and advice for a newbie to this would be a good idea "
Agree, it should be controlled by those who need to understand about submission.
The movement from cognitive to total release has a number of, how can I say, paths. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Maybe fet was coded by a sadistic programmer. Definitely feels like torture trying to use it."
I find it a nightmare to use and a year worth of postings in some of the forum post have disappeared which means a lot of my rambles have disappeared.
A painful site in more ways than one |
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By *eavenNhellCouple
over a year ago
carrbrook stalybridge |
"Maybe fet was coded by a sadistic programmer. Definitely feels like torture trying to use it."
maybe Fet was coded to be place for people of a fetish persuasion to communicate and share info pics events etc not as a pick up site for a quick shag as routinly explained by the owner of the site and his admin team .it was set up as basically a kinky Facebook where people with a common interest can network advertise and share. too many think its a place where they can search for kinky 18yo slut and hey presto it doesent work that way which is why so many find it awkward to use .if that's what you want try tinder
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By *icentious OP Couple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"Maybe fet was coded by a sadistic programmer. Definitely feels like torture trying to use it.maybe Fet was coded to be place for people of a fetish persuasion to communicate and share info pics events etc not as a pick up site for a quick shag as routinly explained by the owner of the site and his admin team .it was set up as basically a kinky Facebook where people with a common interest can network advertise and share. too many think its a place where they can search for kinky 18yo slut and hey presto it doesent work that way which is why so many find it awkward to use .if that's what you want try tinder "
Think the meaning of the communication is the response you get.
And my response is it is a dreadful site. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A bdsm section on Fab yes please, then I can regale you about the delights of dripping warm wax on to willing victims bodies and fire flogging "
Sounds exciting! |
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By *manda63Woman
over a year ago
Southampton |
"I've been asked if I want rough kinky sex today. I've experienced some very mild restraint play/paddle usage. But never the rough sex. A forum post or section like this with info and advice for a newbie to this would be a good idea
Agree, it should be controlled by those who need to understand about submission.
The movement from cognitive to total release has a number of, how can I say, paths."
Embarrassingly, I would have to Google this, 50 Shades is all smoke and mirrors mostly I would think. I enjoyed the films and books as escapism  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe fet was coded by a sadistic programmer. Definitely feels like torture trying to use it."
admit it can be difficult to find your way around at first but have made so many friends through it and had so many great experiences
its worth sticking with |
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Fet has lots of people who are very serious about their kinks and fetishes.
They care s lot about safety and etiquette. It's nice to know that the person who is doing something to you that could possibly kill or seriously injure you knows how to do it safely! |
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"Fet has lots of people who are very serious about their kinks and fetishes.
They care s lot about safety and etiquette. It's nice to know that the person who is doing something to you that could possibly kill or seriously injure you knows how to do it safely!"
If there is a God , please let me go suffocated beneath her ass cheeks , rather that than alone in a hospital bed |
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"Fet has lots of people who are very serious about their kinks and fetishes.
They care s lot about safety and etiquette. It's nice to know that the person who is doing something to you that could possibly kill or seriously injure you knows how to do it safely!
If there is a God , please let me go suffocated beneath her ass cheeks , rather that than alone in a hospital bed "
The idea is you don't die, do that you can enjoy being almost suffocated but live to do it again! |
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"Fet has lots of people who are very serious about their kinks and fetishes.
They care s lot about safety and etiquette. It's nice to know that the person who is doing something to you that could possibly kill or seriously injure you knows how to do it safely!
If there is a God , please let me go suffocated beneath her ass cheeks , rather that than alone in a hospital bed
The idea is you don't die, do that you can enjoy being almost suffocated but live to do it again!"
To “ enjoy “ being “ almost suffocated “
At what point would one supposedly enjoy , almost suffocation ? ... A contradiction perhaps .
I’m not there to enjoy it . If she finds out I’m enjoying myself , then I really am in trouble |
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