FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Why am I failing on fab.
Why am I failing on fab.
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By *lack Magic07 OP Man
over a year ago
Bedfordshire, the Midlands, and redditch. |
Why am I failing on fab swingers I know where not meeting anyone yet till it's safe and trust me I know it a women game on here believe me but must be my status or something. I know some stupid men mess it up for the good one but I must be going wrong somewhere.
Just looking for a women perspective on this. |
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Be patient, build up friendships, network with people, become active on forums ..
Don’t be too serious or talk about sex too much and most of all don’t appear desperate.. that’s a big turn off for everyone..
And good luck |
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By *edhead72Man
over a year ago
Cheltenham and Ashby |
I think it’s a great profile - for what that’s worth! Perhaps get a female perspective.
Think you just have to enjoy this site for what it is an as my man says above “don’t be to serious”.
Genuinely wish you well, you look like a sound guy |
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You seem like a nice guy and your profile is respectful. I'd get rid of the blurry/frown pics and keep the smily ones.
Basically though, you need to make your profile good to start with.
The ratios of men to women are heavily biased. We are in great supply, they are in great demand.
However, it can be easy with the right attitude. Essentially, try this out;
Send killer first messages. Think of something which simply can't be ignored and send that.
I get around 1/7 reply back. When they reply, be very fucking cool. Do not show too much interest and do not compliment, just chat. Imagine that she's sister and be very patient. Always keep your cool and don't be sexual.
Then just play it cool for a while, and let her do the work..
When she starts to show signs, then snap and then come on heavy.
Ha! |
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Give us an example of a message you send out to make contact. Many guys really let themselves down with their opening messages. Most of the ones we get are truly awful but the senders presumably think they are worth replying to.
Post an example message here and let people give you feedback. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dude it's all about the looks. If they don't fancy you they normally won't reply. Sometimes, even if they do think you're ok they still can't be arsed as they get too many messages, it's Fab life  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Have to be positive..single men here are like fish on the water plenty of men here tho..and women sometimes get abused by guys being rude or nasty..but just be positive someone soon or later will see your not one of them nasty ones...good luck and be safe.  |
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When you joined here did you think you would be knee deep in offers ? Ladies falling over themselves to be with you? It is what it is and you have to make the best of it , lots of straight men struggle for messages replied never mind meets |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When you joined here did you think you would be knee deep in offers ? Ladies falling over themselves to be with you? It is what it is and you have to make the best of it , lots of straight men struggle for messages replied never mind meets "
I think the OP would be grateful to be knuckle deep..... let alone up to his knees  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would normally send something like this:
I just wanted to say hello and that I love your profile and I would love to know more about yourself, unless I'm being rude otherwise x"
Hi OP. I don't send many messages. But those I do are often about something I've seen the person say in the forums ... it's often a joke or serious point. It's better than just responding to a profile as you're interacting on a more personal level.
And usually it's just that, not trying to hit on someone but just being sociable. All my meets have all come from striking a connection in a natural way and I much prefer it that way.
If you enjoy talking to people and not seeing this as a 'hunt' then I'm sure you'll have some success in meeting someone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When you joined here did you think you would be knee deep in offers ? Ladies falling over themselves to be with you? It is what it is and you have to make the best of it , lots of straight men struggle for messages replied never mind meets "
I thought I’d be knee deep in clunge but it’s yet to materialize  |
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Please keep this to the forum.
If you don't personalise your messages, you could copy and paste absolutely 100% exactly the same message to 10,000 women on here. You could just be carpet-bombing messages in the hope somebody will pick up on it. This is almost unimaginably unlikely to work. It's the sexual equivalent of phoning me up and saying "We have information that you have been in a car accident in the last three years" and about as exciting.
Somebody who gets approached wants to know that they are somebody you like or at least have a passing interest in. That means you should have read their profile and have done reason in mind why they might want to have a conversation with you which you can explain in your message.
If you don't, it's like you have printed 2,000 fliers that say "Hi. How are you?" posted them in every door in your town and then wondered why nobody responds.
Why get numerous Fab messages that do not give any indication to us that they are actually interested in us as people. They make no attempt to talk to us or take any interest in what they know about us which is readily available on our profile.
Why would we respond to something like that? The answer is we won't. It will go straight in the bin.
No effort in = No effort in return.
From what you put in your message (which wasn't an example so there is a bit of deduction here), that's what's happening to you. A short message that could go to millions of people on the planet unaltered does not indicate any genuine interest in us so into the bin it goes.
If that's not a correct reading then please post an actual example. |
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"Please keep this to the forum.
If you don't personalise your messages, you could copy and paste absolutely 100% exactly the same message to 10,000 women on here. You could just be carpet-bombing messages in the hope somebody will pick up on it. This is almost unimaginably unlikely to work. It's the sexual equivalent of phoning me up and saying "We have information that you have been in a car accident in the last three years" and about as exciting.
Somebody who gets approached wants to know that they are somebody you like or at least have a passing interest in. That means you should have read their profile and have done reason in mind why they might want to have a conversation with you which you can explain in your message.
If you don't, it's like you have printed 2,000 fliers that say "Hi. How are you?" posted them in every door in your town and then wondered why nobody responds.
Why get numerous Fab messages that do not give any indication to us that they are actually interested in us as people. They make no attempt to talk to us or take any interest in what they know about us which is readily available on our profile.
Why would we respond to something like that? The answer is we won't. It will go straight in the bin.
No effort in = No effort in return.
From what you put in your message (which wasn't an example so there is a bit of deduction here), that's what's happening to you. A short message that could go to millions of people on the planet unaltered does not indicate any genuine interest in us so into the bin it goes.
If that's not a correct reading then please post an actual example. "
Everyone always says this, it’s simply not true.
If someone’s not into your profile or photos, it doesn’t matter how tailored the message is, they won’t reply.
If they’re interested, they’ll reply regardless if it’s one word, or several paragraphs, or whatever, it’s immaterial. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Unfortunately most of the women on here purely like to chat and just enjoy the chase, you find the odd wife but most seem to be available as and when their hubby sorts the meet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do not show too much interest and do not compliment, just chat."
What's the thinking here?
There are compliments like "Ooh you're sexy", or perhaps better "Love the colour of that dress", and then there's "that thing you said in your profile is really interesting..."
So it's whether you are making a compliment about something superficial they were born with, or if you're diving deeper and complementing their taste, or who they are as a person.
Or are you suggesting that all compliments are bad: are we preying on women with low-self esteem and making them wonder why we're not falling all over them, perhaps just trying not to appear desperate, or starting off slow until they become comfortable with us because so much of the attention women get on here is of the "ooh you're sexy" kind?
Edit: probably should have been "Ooh your sexy"  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's all about the long game. In my experience the best thing a man can do is take quality photos, try and give his profile a unique edge in the write up, participate in the forums, add interesting status updates, and hope the ladies or couples send a message.
I know it sounds lazy or counterproductive to "sit back and wait", but honestly, 99% of my connections from here come when the woman/couple has sent the first message. I have sent hundreds of respectful first messages, that show I've read the profile, and attached face pics, and it's so rare I get any kind of reply that it's barely worth the effort. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Everyone always says this, it’s simply not true.
If someone’s not into your profile or photos, it doesn’t matter how tailored the message is, they won’t reply.
If they’re interested, they’ll reply regardless if it’s one word, or several paragraphs, or whatever, it’s immaterial. "
I suspect there's a middle ground where it might make a difference... but yeah I can see the truth in that. |
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OP don't loose sleep or stress yourself out by this site. 99% of users this is the only life they have so they fantasise and emphasise on it. Take it for what it's worth. If no reply just click off and move onto the next because no one is better than anyone on here. |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"I totally understand and agree with it shame women have all the power and we men well strive for a tiny piece lol the hunt is on and the games afoot this attitude is your problem op "
Agreed. I wouldn't like to be viewed as a 'game' or 'hunted'. Perhaps use reply and quote as well OP, so we know who you are talking to. Good luck. X |
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What would you like all the women do, relinquish the power they hold over their wants, on this site.
Men outnumber women on here that’s life, what actually is the main problem for you and some other guys is competition.
Some guys on here really put in the effort, create a decent profile, contribute to the forums and go to clubs or socials. They’re your issue not the women, the guys who are doing something to enhance their chances on the site.
So start taking the advice given and put in the effort, then who knows |
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"I would normally send something like this:
I just wanted to say hello and that I love your profile and I would love to know more about yourself, unless I'm being rude otherwise x"
That's better than some. I would advise you say something specific about what you liked so they know you are engaging with them. Use their names at the beginning if they are on their profile. It makes a big difference. |
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"Do not show too much interest and do not compliment, just chat.
What's the thinking here?
There are compliments like "Ooh you're sexy", or perhaps better "Love the colour of that dress", and then there's "that thing you said in your profile is really interesting..."
So it's whether you are making a compliment about something superficial they were born with, or if you're diving deeper and complementing their taste, or who they are as a person.
Or are you suggesting that all compliments are bad: are we preying on women with low-self esteem and making them wonder why we're not falling all over them, perhaps just trying not to appear desperate, or starting off slow until they become comfortable with us because so much of the attention women get on here is of the "ooh you're sexy" kind?
Edit: probably should have been "Ooh your sexy" "
No direct compliments about appearance or anything like that. If she wants compliments, let her work for them.
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Get yourself to swingers clubs, much better for meeting people.
I have met loads of nice friendly and fun people there.
I given up messaging women of fab because they never get read, never mind a reply and I use to put alot of effort in the messages.
Women get 1000s of messages so good ones get lost. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I normally blank all men. Mostly because 99% of the time they just haven’t read. One guy we was going to meet was really polite, respectful and wrote a very well thought out first message. I replied! |
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From my perspective.....my advice would be not to copy and paste messages. Read the profile and personalise your message.
Take a look at what that particular woman is looking for. Do you fit the bill?
I dislike the fact that fabs gives us women a very false sense of security. Meanwhile out in the real world......
Good luck with your search op. I hope you find what you are looking for x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Patience, peserverance and respect is the magic formula for success on here. You need all three to add value to yourself, otherwise every guy would be rolling on here. Keep the faith. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why am I failing on fab swingers I know where not meeting anyone yet till it's safe and trust me I know it a women game on here believe me but must be my status or something. I know some stupid men mess it up for the good one but I must be going wrong somewhere.
Just looking for a women perspective on this."
If you really want to be successful, just devote all your social time to swinging... that means going to swing clubs every weekend , and be ready to drive anywhere in the UK and host at moments notice to have sex.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why am I failing on fab swingers I know where not meeting anyone yet till it's safe and trust me I know it a women game on here believe me but must be my status or something. I know some stupid men mess it up for the good one but I must be going wrong somewhere.
Just looking for a women perspective on this.
If you really want to be successful, just devote all your social time to swinging... that means going to swing clubs every weekend , and be ready to drive anywhere in the UK and host at moments notice to have sex...."
Or just go to swingers clubs. |
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You've had a huge amount of advice over the years, what have you learnt?
It's clear to me after green arrowing you and reading your threads why you're struggling and it's all to do with your attitude to women. |
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Fab isn’t about winning or loosing.
It’s about the opportunity to chat to new people and if anything more comes of it then that is a bonus.
Your profile doesn’t stand out, it reads ok but doesn’t make me want to say hi.
And we are not here for men. We are here for us
Also whenever I read a status or profile that says the only reason that person can’t get meets is because of the actions of other men on here I just think how pathetic. |
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By *lack Magic07 OP Man
over a year ago
Bedfordshire, the Midlands, and redditch. |
I've learnt a lot that no matter how much respect you show a lady on and treat her in the way they should be treated its all down to the and no amount of wishing is going to change that. Women have all the power and I respect that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've learnt a lot that no matter how much respect you show a lady on and treat her in the way they should be treated its all down to the and no amount of wishing is going to change that. Women have all the power and I respect that. "
No , women do not hold all the power on Fab....
Just don’t act desperate and Fab will be a better experience for you.... |
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By *zCaTzZWoman
over a year ago
The Poke District |
Your profile is too brief you dont describe your hobbies or wat u expect from fab ... look at other guys profiles to get a good guide .. hope i was useful to why ur not successful on fab and the first msg you write to a woman mention sonething in her profile and be nice ... good luck and happy fabbing x |
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