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Secretly gay husband
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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what would you do ladies, if after being married to your man for a few year's, meaby have kids with them you find out that he has been meeting men behind your back and is gay? Do you stay? Go? Kick him out? Feel humiliated? |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
Shocked!
I work with a lady who's mum found a suitcase full of clothes and heels in the boot of her hubbies car. It turned out he was a cross dresser who had been meeting men. Imagine that. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Shocked!
I work with a lady who's mum found a suitcase full of clothes and heels in the boot of her hubbies car. It turned out he was a cross dresser who had been meeting men. Imagine that."
i was with my now ex husband 8 years before i found out he was meeting men behind my back. I told him to leave. We have a son together who is now 22. |
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By *arl17Man
over a year ago
Central Portugal |
"Shocked!
I work with a lady who's mum found a suitcase full of clothes and heels in the boot of her hubbies car. It turned out he was a cross dresser who had been meeting men. Imagine that.i was with my now ex husband 8 years before i found out he was meeting men behind my back. I told him to leave. We have a son together who is now 22."
Oh ok, you are now sorted lol x |
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By *oodsyMan
over a year ago
tonbridge |
Well, I'm with George Michael on this. I heard an interview ages ago when he was asked about his sexuality. He said during the Wham times he had sex with boys and girls and girls and girls and boys and boys and everything in between. When he realised he was gay it was when he fell in love with a man and wanted to make a life and future with a man. Sex is just sex, fantasy, experimentation, fun, being adventurous. If your man loves you, he loves you and the rest is just an adventure. |
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"Well, I'm with George Michael on this. I heard an interview ages ago when he was asked about his sexuality. He said during the Wham times he had sex with boys and girls and girls and girls and boys and boys and everything in between. When he realised he was gay it was when he fell in love with a man and wanted to make a life and future with a man. Sex is just sex, fantasy, experimentation, fun, being adventurous. If your man loves you, he loves you and the rest is just an adventure. "
if he's open about it its an adventure, if he's not its deceit |
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By *oodsyMan
over a year ago
tonbridge |
If you like men and he is interested in meeting men, then maybe you could meet men together. Join in and have some fun. Take control of it and make sure you fancy the men you are going to meet? I don't know, maybe make it your adventure too lovely. X |
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By *arl17Man
over a year ago
Central Portugal |
"Well, I'm with George Michael on this. I heard an interview ages ago when he was asked about his sexuality. He said during the Wham times he had sex with boys and girls and girls and girls and boys and boys and everything in between. When he realised he was gay it was when he fell in love with a man and wanted to make a life and future with a man. Sex is just sex, fantasy, experimentation, fun, being adventurous. If your man loves you, he loves you and the rest is just an adventure.
if he's open about it its an adventure, if he's not its deceit"
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By *arl17Man
over a year ago
Central Portugal |
"For sure. But maybe he did it secretly to start with out of embarrassment. Now it's open maybe embrace it rather than make him feel shit about it?"
Sadly if in a relationship it’s best to be totally honest... bites you otherwise xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well, I'm with George Michael on this. I heard an interview ages ago when he was asked about his sexuality. He said during the Wham times he had sex with boys and girls and girls and girls and boys and boys and everything in between. When he realised he was gay it was when he fell in love with a man and wanted to make a life and future with a man. Sex is just sex, fantasy, experimentation, fun, being adventurous. If your man loves you, he loves you and the rest is just an adventure. "
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Interesting topic.
I had a good friend who did this.
Basically, he tells me that she went off sex and starved him after having a kid. (It's extremely common in the real world for this to happen. Pretty much all of my married male friends are starved sexually). He eventually went off to look elsewhere, desperate to feel wanted sexually again. He said that a man offered to give him a good time, it was easy and without complication. He said he took him up on the offer as it was just a bj afterall, and his 'wonkiness' (as he puts it) grew from there.
Weird really but whatever...
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"Interesting topic.
I had a good friend who did this.
Basically, he tells me that she went off sex and starved him after having a kid. (It's extremely common in the real world for this to happen. Pretty much all of my married male friends are starved sexually). He eventually went off to look elsewhere, desperate to feel wanted sexually again. He said that a man offered to give him a good time, it was easy and without complication. He said he took him up on the offer as it was just a bj afterall, and his 'wonkiness' (as he puts it) grew from there.
Weird really but whatever...
"
So he's bisexual? |
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"If you like men and he is interested in meeting men, then maybe you could meet men together. Join in and have some fun. Take control of it and make sure you fancy the men you are going to meet? I don't know, maybe make it your adventure too lovely. X"
This is what I have done, hubby is bi. did I know when we first met no... i suspected after a while but waited until he told me .
now we're looking to have fun together. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had this and was disappointed and hurt because I had tried to be encouraging where I saw signs and would have welcomed the play as a couple, it was something we role played so there was no reason to hide it |
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By *arl17Man
over a year ago
Central Portugal |
"I had this and was disappointed and hurt because I had tried to be encouraging where I saw signs and would have welcomed the play as a couple, it was something we role played so there was no reason to hide it "
Sadly not everyone can express openly x |
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"Shocked!
I work with a lady who's mum found a suitcase full of clothes and heels in the boot of her hubbies car. It turned out he was a cross dresser who had been meeting men. Imagine that."
Did she dump him ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OK
I always knew l was homosexual and was just at the point of my life to tell mum ,When l was 18 my grandmother died (1983) and mums cousin (gay) came to find out funeral arrangements .My eldest brother quoted "s@!t mum doesn't have skeletons in the cupboard she has queers.
This scared me because being gay wasnt accepted in the 80s
Thought l best hide it and get married,
My ex wife was a controlling person in the 22 years of marriage l never had any money in my wallet
I suffered a breakdown after the first born (felt l trapped myself) which has left me with mild epilepsy anxiety and depression
I used to use gay chat lines running up high phone bills
Never once cheated on her
I tried numerous times to tell her , she was never really interested in sex , we went 6 months without any body contact at all
When l did come out she wanted me sectioned ,then she took me to relate ,then to a spiritual church to have my wedding ring read
Turned out she liked the lifestyle of not having to work , had a car , locking me in the house while she took our sons out
She has twisted the truth and our 3 grown up sons dont have any contact with except a text on my birthday and christmas ,l have a one year old grandson who l have held once when he was 5 weeks old
I am proud of who l am and also proud to say l never cheated on her
But l have messed up my own life suppressing my true feelings
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Gosh OP and anyone else who this may affect- I’m sending cuddles.
I think any shock where you’ve been deceived and lied to for whatever length of time, and for whatever reason must really hurt and upset you. So my heartfelt love for that to start with.
I think this may be your biggest hurdle with regards to him cheating on you and deceiving you. I do hope you get some support in being able to talk this out with a counsellor and help you realise this wasn’t your actions. It wasn’t about you as a person. This is his responsibility. Whether you can forgive him would take time.
With regards to finding out that he’s gay- it must have been confusing as there must have been plenty of times when he was showing he wasn’t - or at least sexually attracted to you.
If you still wanted to be in a life partnership with him and had found you could forgive him for the major blow as above- then this could be a move forward of some very open sex with others.
However- if he or you didn’t want that- then you may have to let him go. Let him go discover himself. As much as that would bloody hurt I imagine.
I do think that there are so many men of an older generation who are hiding such emotions. The younger generation perhaps are starting to be a little more accepting and so men can be who they want sexually earlier on. However, said older men are now only just gaining confidence to act and speak up (which happens to be the wrong order to do it- as pain and hurt can occur).
Sending love x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well, I'm with George Michael on this. I heard an interview ages ago when he was asked about his sexuality. He said during the Wham times he had sex with boys and girls and girls and girls and boys and boys and everything in between. When he realised he was gay it was when he fell in love with a man and wanted to make a life and future with a man. Sex is just sex, fantasy, experimentation, fun, being adventurous. If your man loves you, he loves you and the rest is just an adventure. "
Never heard this quote before but thanks for sharing, it’s bang on! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I understood she was hurt
I was at suicidal point the night before telling her
I told her in the March ,our sons were doing important exams so they wasnt told till they had finished in the June
I researched websites for women who were or gone threw the same
I still took them on the last family holiday at the end of July
She wanted to carry on as we were but l craved the love of a man
I actually made myself homeless at the end of the September
She couldn't accept the marriage was over
Hope you all understand
There was 2 sides to my experience |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I understood she was hurt
I was at suicidal point the night before telling her
I told her in the March ,our sons were doing important exams so they wasnt told till they had finished in the June
I researched websites for women who were or gone threw the same
I still took them on the last family holiday at the end of July
She wanted to carry on as we were but l craved the love of a man
I actually made myself homeless at the end of the September
She couldn't accept the marriage was over
Hope you all understand
There was 2 sides to my experience "
Well done for finding the courage to take the steps forward. That must have been very hard. I hope you’re starting to find your way.
Well done for trying to support her and your family too, researching and trying to listen.
It sounds like you have a life partner even if you’re not together.
You want the love of a man rather than just sex.... I am certain you will find what you search for xx |
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"what would you do ladies, if after being married to your man for a few year's, meaby have kids with them you find out that he has been meeting men behind your back and is gay? Do you stay? Go? Kick him out? Feel humiliated? "
Is this a friend of yours OP or just a hypothetical? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m bisexual and love cock........ no I am not gay!
Why is it when a man loves cock he is potentially gay but all women who love pussy, are just bi"
Not at all...
If you no longer want females and only want males, then you’re gay. Surely? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It must be devastating to find out that someone you've shared your life with for a long time has kept quite a big part of themselves secret from you. It must make you doubt everything"
Yes I would be heart broken 
I'm sorry this happened to you OP.
Being true to yourself is hard - and coming out as Gay / Bi is difficult for most people.
But living a lie and cheating on a partner would be unforgivable for me.
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Five major relationships in my life with women, from a year to 16 years with my wife, in each case I have always told them about my crossdressing.
Every single one had no issue, either wanted me to do it in secret (go off on my own and indulge) to, yes I’ll come out with you but no sexual stuff, but my wife embraced it and we had some great times going out and having sex afterwards.
I’m currently chatting with a woman online, due to meet up when we can. I’m always aware I’ll have to bring up the subject at some time but hopefully if anything comes out of this fledgling relationship then hopefully number six will be ok with it |
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"Interesting topic.
I had a good friend who did this.
Basically, he tells me that she went off sex and starved him after having a kid. (It's extremely common in the real world for this to happen. Pretty much all of my married male friends are starved sexually). He eventually went off to look elsewhere, desperate to feel wanted sexually again. He said that a man offered to give him a good time, it was easy and without complication. He said he took him up on the offer as it was just a bj afterall, and his 'wonkiness' (as he puts it) grew from there.
Weird really but whatever...
So he's bisexual?"
I guess so! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am actually single but l owe my life to a man l used to chat online with
The night before l told her , he sat up after doing a full shift chatting -- he convinced me my life was worth more than my marriage
I have had a few relationships over the last 13 yrs
But I am happy l can be who l was born to be x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You've got to think in the 70s and 80s homosexuality was illegal
That is why a lot had to hide it
Also the reason for gay pride to celebrate acceptance
WE WILL NEVER WIPE OUT HOMOPHOBIA
I have been beaten up many times in manchester for being gay |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd be furious and upset.
The only two things I ask for in my relationships are respect and honesty. I am not saying that I could deal with everything - but being honest means that we can either work through it together, or conclude that we are compatible and go our separate ways with minimum hurt. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I spent my life thinking I was either gay or straight. Then by the time I was 30 I accepted i was bisexual and it was a quirk of nature and not a sin. I loved my ex wife and found her sexy, probably still do, but arguments over money split us up. I have always wanted cock since my teens, it was amazing I was never outed over the years. Perhaps I should never have got married, but I would marry again but I would need someone more open minded this time. |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
"Shocked!
I work with a lady who's mum found a suitcase full of clothes and heels in the boot of her hubbies car. It turned out he was a cross dresser who had been meeting men. Imagine that.
Did she dump him ?"
Yes they lived together but separately for a while but eventually he moved out. He was her second husband and it broke her. |
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By *ady23Woman
over a year ago
Coventry |
"It must be devastating to find out that someone you've shared your life with for a long time has kept quite a big part of themselves secret from you. It must make you doubt everything"
I agree. No honesty equals not trust. Lies and betrayal. I'd walk |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"what would you do ladies, if after being married to your man for a few year's, meaby have kids with them you find out that he has been meeting men behind your back and is gay? Do you stay? Go? Kick him out? Feel humiliated? "
How long ago did you ask him to leave ? |
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By *arl17Man
over a year ago
Central Portugal |
"what would you do ladies, if after being married to your man for a few year's, meaby have kids with them you find out that he has been meeting men behind your back and is gay? Do you stay? Go? Kick him out? Feel humiliated?
How long ago did you ask him to leave ? "
Over 10 years ago i think from memory.. nice pics btw x |
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"what would you do ladies, if after being married to your man for a few year's, meaby have kids with them you find out that he has been meeting men behind your back and is gay? Do you stay? Go? Kick him out? Feel humiliated? "
This is quite close to my heart as is happening within my family to an unsuspecting partner and is causing a massive family rift especially as they know I know and are doing everything they can to hide it away from their partner
Please feel free to DM me if you need to talk |
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"Well, I'm with George Michael on this. I heard an interview ages ago when he was asked about his sexuality. He said during the Wham times he had sex with boys and girls and girls and girls and boys and boys and everything in between. When he realised he was gay it was when he fell in love with a man and wanted to make a life and future with a man. Sex is just sex, fantasy, experimentation, fun, being adventurous. If your man loves you, he loves you and the rest is just an adventure.
if he's open about it its an adventure, if he's not its deceit"
Indeed it's the secret that kills a relationship not always the action. |
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"Shocked!
I work with a lady who's mum found a suitcase full of clothes and heels in the boot of her hubbies car. It turned out he was a cross dresser who had been meeting men. Imagine that."
Can’t imagine this at all |
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"Interesting topic.
I had a good friend who did this.
Basically, he tells me that she went off sex and starved him after having a kid. (It's extremely common in the real world for this to happen. Pretty much all of my married male friends are starved sexually). He eventually went off to look elsewhere, desperate to feel wanted sexually again. He said that a man offered to give him a good time, it was easy and without complication. He said he took him up on the offer as it was just a bj afterall, and his 'wonkiness' (as he puts it) grew from there.
Weird really but whatever...
"
Not weird but common reason |
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"OK
I always knew l was homosexual and was just at the point of my life to tell mum ,When l was 18 my grandmother died (1983) and mums cousin (gay) came to find out funeral arrangements .My eldest brother quoted "s@!t mum doesn't have skeletons in the cupboard she has queers.
This scared me because being gay wasnt accepted in the 80s
Thought l best hide it and get married,
My ex wife was a controlling person in the 22 years of marriage l never had any money in my wallet
I suffered a breakdown after the first born (felt l trapped myself) which has left me with mild epilepsy anxiety and depression
I used to use gay chat lines running up high phone bills
Never once cheated on her
I tried numerous times to tell her , she was never really interested in sex , we went 6 months without any body contact at all
When l did come out she wanted me sectioned ,then she took me to relate ,then to a spiritual church to have my wedding ring read
Turned out she liked the lifestyle of not having to work , had a car , locking me in the house while she took our sons out
She has twisted the truth and our 3 grown up sons dont have any contact with except a text on my birthday and christmas ,l have a one year old grandson who l have held once when he was 5 weeks old
I am proud of who l am and also proud to say l never cheated on her
But l have messed up my own life suppressing my true feelings
"
Oh my god .... big hugs ... I hope it all gets sorted and you see your grandson  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"what would you do ladies, if after being married to your man for a few year's, meaby have kids with them you find out that he has been meeting men behind your back and is gay? Do you stay? Go? Kick him out? Feel humiliated? "
Goose and gander situation.. How would your husband react in a reverse situation if he discovered you were a lesbian...? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"what would you do ladies, if after being married to your man for a few year's, meaby have kids with them you find out that he has been meeting men behind your back and is gay? Do you stay? Go? Kick him out? Feel humiliated?
Goose and gander situation.. How would your husband react in a reverse situation if he discovered you were a lesbian...?"
am straight so that dont apply to me. |
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By *ficouldMan
over a year ago
a quandary, could you change my mind? |
A very hard thing for you both.
Him for having to hide who he felt he was (whether that developed after you were together or was before)
And you to have to discover that he was now Gay, i presume he didn't want to have any close relationship with you as you say Gay rather than Bi. That must be the hardest thing of all.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"what would you do ladies, if after being married to your man for a few year's, meaby have kids with them you find out that he has been meeting men behind your back and is gay? Do you stay? Go? Kick him out? Feel humiliated? "
Life goes on and at the end of the day if you don’t let things go it’s only yourself that ends up suffering. It’s hard when your hurt but as we all know time is a great healer. And that sounds shit but it’s true.
If it’s a month ago or ten years ago you have to let it go and at the end of the end forgiveness is a very strong way of letting it go and making you so strong.
Life is short as well all know in this climate, so live your best life and move on darling..
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I'm in this situation now married with kids enjoy meeting men but enjoy being with my wife just can't cum out because of the kids she kind of knows I've fucked men but not sure it's the right time to tell her I am bi confused.com  |
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I think we're lucky...
I'd recently left a mm relationship when I met H, so she always knew.
I did meet some men in secret, but felt I couldn't live that way.
After A LOT of work we've got to a place where I meet occasional men, we sometimes share a cock, and we're both comfortable.
Note: some people assume I'm a closeted gay man...I'm not, I love my partner and find her incredibly sexy. I fancy men and women equally (perhaps a slight lea ing towards men) |
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"Well, I'm with George Michael on this. I heard an interview ages ago when he was asked about his sexuality. He said during the Wham times he had sex with boys and girls and girls and girls and boys and boys and everything in between. When he realised he was gay it was when he fell in love with a man and wanted to make a life and future with a man. Sex is just sex, fantasy, experimentation, fun, being adventurous. If your man loves you, he loves you and the rest is just an adventure. "
That's a good way of putting it |
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I understand why some people find it hard to come out, society and sometimes family can be very closed minded. What I dont understand is why in this situation you would get married. There is no necessity at all in the modern world to be married. |
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"I understand why some people find it hard to come out, society and sometimes family can be very closed minded. What I dont understand is why in this situation you would get married. There is no necessity at all in the modern world to be married."
I think that although yes a more liberated connection is more common these days there is still pockets of resistance in some communities to being gay. So in order to release that pressure of integration people, both male and female, conform to their communities normal rules and get married. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I understand why some people find it hard to come out, society and sometimes family can be very closed minded. What I dont understand is why in this situation you would get married. There is no necessity at all in the modern world to be married.
I think that although yes a more liberated connection is more common these days there is still pockets of resistance in some communities to being gay. So in order to release that pressure of integration people, both male and female, conform to their communities normal rules and get married. "
I have so much admiration for people that own their sexuality.
Having a relationship with someone of the same gender and living their truth.
Getting married to someone you are not being honest to - to run away from other people's disapproval is cowardly.
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"Perhaps it was just a phase men go through ,.,?"
More likely it comes out as they get older, understand themselves better, become more confident in themselves, or find they have no other sexual outlet.
Most highly sexed men are likely to be bisexual. If you are swinging together you should be open and non-judgmental about each other's desires and past experiences, so it won't be a surprise and it can be part of your fun. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was a bull in the Raw era then married my wife who agreed to swing as a couple. She hated me eith another woman but I loved to see her fucked. She said no more playing for me but I could watch so started to wear her panties & stockings and loved it. After a while she let me clean up & suck her bulls cock which I love and our relationship is gr8 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You need to look back a few decades
Being gay hasn't always been accepted and illegal
Could of faced prison if found out
So in your eyes l was a coward because l didn't want to go to prison
Wasn't until the 90s that gay people protested for acceptance
Hence the start of gay pride |
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"You need to look back a few decades
Being gay hasn't always been accepted and illegal
Could of faced prison if found out
So in your eyes l was a coward because l didn't want to go to prison
Wasn't until the 90s that gay people protested for acceptance
Hence the start of gay pride "
The first pride march was in 1972, I actually attended one in the late 1980’s. The law to decriminalise homosexual acts between two men over the age of 21 was passed in 1967. So there must have been protests before that date as well.
Stonewall riots was in 1969 for the US to gradually understand gay rights.
So gay pride was certainly a thing, few decades before the 90s. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would be sad that he couldn’t have the courage to share this with his wife and had to go through who knows how much trouble to keep this as a secret
I won’t kick him out or anything that make him feel worse "
I see a guy who's married and in this position!
Not many have your out-look about it.
Nice to see x  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You need to look back a few decades
Being gay hasn't always been accepted and illegal
Could of faced prison if found out
So in your eyes l was a coward because l didn't want to go to prison
Wasn't until the 90s that gay people protested for acceptance
Hence the start of gay pride "
But why get married if you know you are Gay?
You could have stayed single and met men discreetly like the billions of other gay men do.
Lying to someone to save face just isn't fair on them.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would be sad that he couldn’t have the courage to share this with his wife and had to go through who knows how much trouble to keep this as a secret
I won’t kick him out or anything that make him feel worse
I see a guy who's married and in this position!
Not many have your out-look about it.
Nice to see x "
Sorry my post was about a bi man... Not gay.
Still it amounts to same thing - a double tormented life (in the closet) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"what if a woman does that same thing and says she is gay , this i know of personally and it nearly destroyed the family "
This happened to my eldest brother
His first wife went off with another woman and took the 4 children with her denying the family to see them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I understand why some people find it hard to come out, society and sometimes family can be very closed minded. What I dont understand is why in this situation you would get married. There is no necessity at all in the modern world to be married
I think that although yes a more liberated connection is more common these days there is still pockets of resistance in some communities to being gay. So in order to release that pressure of integration people, both male and female, conform to their communities normal rules and get married. "
Some extremely relevant comments here.
How men or women discover their sexuality, is like a spectrum, different social situations, life events and relationships, are part of the way, that some will find when they deal with it. If by that time they are married, then other people's lives are effected by their decisions, spouses, dependents etc.
So compromises have to be made. Honesty is important too. If a married couple reach the point, where it becomes apparent that one individual is Gay, then it is up to the them, how they manage that relationship going forward. No point using hindsight about whether or not they should have married in the first place.
Some of the views on here have been very simplistic and narrow minded. It is important to respect diversity, however, when and where that occurs within a relationship.
Just my own thoughts in my head, not pushing my opinion onto anyone. |
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it’s on the air that gayness 
