FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > How hard it is for us men to get a reply from a woman
How hard it is for us men to get a reply from a woman
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I've been on Fab for almost 3yrs now both as a couple and as a single and messaged quite a few couples and single women. But can count on one hand how many replies I've had from them.
Is my profile that bad that they don't reply or is it something else that I'm not seeing?
I know that single ladies get loads of messages and its hard for them to reply to all of them but you would think after 3yrs I would have more than 5 replies. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You only play safe but there are photos of you having sex without condoms. Might be an ex or current partner but to people looking at it they wont know that.
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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago
Redhill |
"You only play safe but there are photos of you having sex without condoms. Might be an ex or current partner but to people looking at it they wont know that.
"
This. Full on (unprotected) sex photos are a huge turn off for me.
You mustn’t be doing that badly when having such explicit photos on display! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've been on Fab for almost 3yrs now both as a couple and as a single and messaged quite a few couples and single women. But can count on one hand how many replies I've had from them.
Is my profile that bad that they don't reply or is it something else that I'm not seeing?
I know that single ladies get loads of messages and its hard for them to reply to all of them but you would think after 3yrs I would have more than 5 replies."
You have verifications on your profile, so surely some people have replied to you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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5 months & 7 veri’s....
You’re actually doing very well for a single bloke!
Agree with the pic statement, vary what you show.
I personally don’t like all cock pics, nor seeing unprotected sex but that’s my preference. |
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By *kippy99Man
over a year ago
Sunderland |
You're doing well mate. You have good veris from nice ladies.
I've been here ages and enjoy the craic I think it's good to have a laugh and good banter. I don't get a lot of replies but that's just the way it is .
The North East has its fair share of nice folk |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Single women especially get inundated on this site. Some can get 100+ messages in a day. It's not easy to stand out.
This is my strategy. I write a polite opening message and, where relevant, refer to particular things in their profile to show I've read it. I don't ask any questions that are already answered on their profile.
Now, you say you are not getting replies. Yeah, I know, it's a pain in the arse that women don't sit on their profile and spend twelve hours a day answering each and every response. At the very least get some one in to do it for you. After all, if you've taken the time to write a message how dare they not reply! (All tongue in cheek of course)
For me, a result is if the message shows as read. That's as much as you can hope for. If, after reading the message they view my profile, even better! It's an absolute hat trick if you get a reply.
I don't get a lot of replies, and of those I get even less go anywhere. There can be lots of reasons for that. They didn't like the message, or they didn't like something on your profile.
Guess what, you and I both know that we are the personification of sexual perfection, but like messages we send out to ladies, they didn't get that one either. (again, tongue in cheek)
Seriously, it's possible that you are not what they are looking for, and if you've not figured it out by now, ladies can have what they want on this site.
Action shots are rarely attractive, on a male or female profile. I should know as I was a porn photographer. I don't know why people feel the need to show themselves in action. Can't we figure that one out? Ladies, in particular, are more sensitive to this than men. Just saying. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Single women especially get inundated on this site. Some can get 100+ messages in a day. It's not easy to stand out.
This is my strategy. I write a polite opening message and, where relevant, refer to particular things in their profile to show I've read it. I don't ask any questions that are already answered on their profile.
Now, you say you are not getting replies. Yeah, I know, it's a pain in the arse that women don't sit on their profile and spend twelve hours a day answering each and every response. At the very least get some one in to do it for you. After all, if you've taken the time to write a message how dare they not reply! (All tongue in cheek of course)
For me, a result is if the message shows as read. That's as much as you can hope for. If, after reading the message they view my profile, even better! It's an absolute hat trick if you get a reply.
I don't get a lot of replies, and of those I get even less go anywhere. There can be lots of reasons for that. They didn't like the message, or they didn't like something on your profile.
Guess what, you and I both know that we are the personification of sexual perfection, but like messages we send out to ladies, they didn't get that one either. (again, tongue in cheek)
Seriously, it's possible that you are not what they are looking for, and if you've not figured it out by now, ladies can have what they want on this site.
Action shots are rarely attractive, on a male or female profile. I should know as I was a porn photographer. I don't know why people feel the need to show themselves in action. Can't we figure that one out? Ladies, in particular, are more sensitive to this than men. Just saying."
Such good advice, well done you x |
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By *icknHMan
over a year ago
Ilfracombe |
I think the answer is simple. If you’re attractive and have pics that show who you are and can articulate what you’re looking for and like then you’ll probably be doing ok.....
I get very few replies so I’m probably failing the above criteria but god, and hopefully the occasional lady, loves a trier  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am in the very “ senior” category but I still seem to get a reasonable reply percentage.
I think it is how you try to make the first approach.
I find that if you are active and can write something interesting in the forums or in the chat group then you can be seen as someone worth replying to if you send a message
After all it’s all about sparking the initial interest and after that it’s up to you!!
Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Other things to consider OP...
I just had a quick look and at the time of writing there are 28,842 people on line. That doesn't include those not logged on right now.
Lets saw 50% are men, although I suspect it's probably more like 75%. That's 14,421 men... are you starting to get an idea of the size of the competition you are playing against?
Consider your message, and play to your strengths. Random cold calling doesn't get a high percentage of sales. (I have worked in sales in the past.) Well researched, targeted marketing requires more effort, sends less messages, and gets a better percentage of results.
To coin a military phrase, use a precision strike rather than a carpet bomb. And then, to coin another military phrase "fire and forget"... send your message and move on. If there is interest, you'll get a response, even if it's a nice and polite no thanks. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To all the gents wondering why women don’t always reply, I’d like to share a short interaction that I have had today. This is a daily occurrence when I do go through a “try to reply nicely to everyone” phase.
I want to stress that this is not all men by any stretch and many can and do take rejection very pleasantly and on those occasions I find myself actually chatting with them on a friendly basis even more.
However when you do take the time to gene you let someone down and you get at least on of these a day, your desire to reply at all diminishes rapidly.
Please don’t be too hard on women who don’t reply and have had enough of this kind of thing.
His first message
Omg let’s fck
My reply
Hi xxxx,
Thanks for getting in touch, just going through my messages and trying to reply to as many as I can.
I am afraid that I’m not on the lookout for single guys at moment and I’m not meeting anyone at all right now but I hope you find what you’re looking for here
His immediate reply
Love come over u mmmmm
My response
Hi there,
Please understand that I try to respond to as many messages as politely as I can without being too harsh.
I know if can be tricky writing a first message but I have tried to nicely say that I am not interested.
That’s not an invitation for you to write lewd messages.
Once again I hope you find a play partner that will be compatible but that is not me. Best of luck
X
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've been on Fab for almost 3yrs now both as a couple and as a single and messaged quite a few couples and single women. But can count on one hand how many replies I've had from them.
Is my profile that bad that they don't reply or is it something else that I'm not seeing?
I know that single ladies get loads of messages and its hard for them to reply to all of them but you would think after 3yrs I would have more than 5 replies."
It's just supply and demand. A huge excess of males and a paucity of females mean the odds of success with any message is low. Such is life. |
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"To all the gents wondering why women don’t always reply, I’d like to share a short interaction that I have had today. This is a daily occurrence when I do go through a “try to reply nicely to everyone” phase.
I want to stress that this is not all men by any stretch and many can and do take rejection very pleasantly and on those occasions I find myself actually chatting with them on a friendly basis even more.
However when you do take the time to gene you let someone down and you get at least on of these a day, your desire to reply at all diminishes rapidly.
Please don’t be too hard on women who don’t reply and have had enough of this kind of thing.
His first message
Omg let’s fck
My reply
Hi xxxx,
Thanks for getting in touch, just going through my messages and trying to reply to as many as I can.
I am afraid that I’m not on the lookout for single guys at moment and I’m not meeting anyone at all right now but I hope you find what you’re looking for here
His immediate reply
Love come over u mmmmm
My response
Hi there,
Please understand that I try to respond to as many messages as politely as I can without being too harsh.
I know if can be tricky writing a first message but I have tried to nicely say that I am not interested.
That’s not an invitation for you to write lewd messages.
Once again I hope you find a play partner that will be compatible but that is not me. Best of luck
X
"
OMG I love your replies - let's fuck!!
Oh....hang on.... I need to compliment you on wearing a 'smashing blouse' first don't I? Damn this thing is tricky!!
I particularly like the fact that he couldn't even be bothered to write things out in full - perhaps the lack of grammar is supposed to indicate a blinding lust which obliterates all punctuation in its path.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To all the gents wondering why women don’t always reply, I’d like to share a short interaction that I have had today. This is a daily occurrence when I do go through a “try to reply nicely to everyone” phase.
I want to stress that this is not all men by any stretch and many can and do take rejection very pleasantly and on those occasions I find myself actually chatting with them on a friendly basis even more.
However when you do take the time to gene you let someone down and you get at least on of these a day, your desire to reply at all diminishes rapidly.
Please don’t be too hard on women who don’t reply and have had enough of this kind of thing.
His first message
Omg let’s fck
My reply
Hi xxxx,
Thanks for getting in touch, just going through my messages and trying to reply to as many as I can.
I am afraid that I’m not on the lookout for single guys at moment and I’m not meeting anyone at all right now but I hope you find what you’re looking for here
His immediate reply
Love come over u mmmmm
My response
Hi there,
Please understand that I try to respond to as many messages as politely as I can without being too harsh.
I know if can be tricky writing a first message but I have tried to nicely say that I am not interested.
That’s not an invitation for you to write lewd messages.
Once again I hope you find a play partner that will be compatible but that is not me. Best of luck
X
"
Hats off to you for even replying. That's a open and shut, delete and block case after message 1. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Having come back again after a very very long time, nothing much has changed.
Some ladies receive up to 700 messages a day  yes some even more.
I'm very selective on who I message and each message is individually tailored to that particular profile and if that particular person would be a good fit, rather than just messaging for the sake of messaging.
In almost four weeks of being here, how many ladies have I messaged first?? Two!
Yes there are many more I'd like to get to know better and hopefully in time I will, but for me life on fab and in general has always been a marathon rather than a sprint.
There are some amazing ladies out there waiting for that original first message to get the conversation started, whether you make it through the mass delete or just not being their cup of tea is another story.
Quality over quantity, every day  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You only play safe but there are photos of you having sex without condoms. Might be an ex or current partner but to people looking at it they wont know that.
"
This and some will wonder if, as it is an ex, if she is happy for those pics to be on here too... Or if she even knows |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi there,
Maybe others will disagree but there’s nothing really there that tells me anything about you and why you might stand out from all the other guys here.
I know it’s hard but for me you’ve got to get a bit creative to stand out.
Oh, and I say this to all the guys who ask, personally a good suit pic will get my heart racing far more than a cock shot any day of the week  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Would someone mind taking a look at my profile and giving me some feedback please? Any pointers greatly appreciated
Just two cock shots! "
Haha I see what you did there! Thank you for the message |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi there,
Maybe others will disagree but there’s nothing really there that tells me anything about you and why you might stand out from all the other guys here.
I know it’s hard but for me you’ve got to get a bit creative to stand out.
Oh, and I say this to all the guys who ask, personally a good suit pic will get my heart racing far more than a cock shot any day of the week "
Incoming |
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Unfortunately it’s a numbers game and us guys outnumber the ladies.
Put it this way you will have more luck than me I think I’m more or less 99.5% of the chance of getting a reply. It simply because I’m not really a lot of peoples type of Chop Suey.  |
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"In almost four weeks of being here, how many ladies have I messaged first?? Two!"
I've been on here over a year, and I think I've sent maybe five "first messages".
You read about blokes spamming out twenty or fifty messages at once. Who has the time or energy for that? Ugh. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In almost four weeks of being here, how many ladies have I messaged first?? Two!
I've been on here over a year, and I think I've sent maybe five "first messages".
You read about blokes spamming out twenty or fifty messages at once. Who has the time or energy for that? Ugh. "
Spot on |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
From what I have seen, there is a lot of mirror marketing from men.
You are not going to engage if it is all about what you want, look at what the ladies want, not hard, there is always clues.
Also find a USP, then enter their world then find what makes them tick, no, interested! No what makes them really moist..... |
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OP
I'm afraid there's a few things about your profile that would put me off, if I was looking to meet men.
A very obvious spelling mistake
The bareback photos
The fact you are trying to sell yourself by your time in the forces.
The pointless warning at the bottom.
On the plus side you have face photos and the text is generally quite well written. |
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Whaaaaaaaat!! It's not hard to get a reply, it's easy!
Sure, you get a lot of ignorant women, you get some who are up their own arses - you do! However, it's not hard to get a reply.
It's really simple - all you have to do is stand out and look presentable.
To start with, the first pic on your profile is of a woman's arse, and a condomless dick up her fufu. Do you think that's what single women want to see?!? |
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Not all single girls are on here looking for just a guy, some may be interested in couples or just another women.
Even if there was exactly 50% male and females on here I dare say that at least 20% of them girls are looking for various situations to play in not just MF. It's difficult on here to find someone who might be interested so try and make yourself stand out a little |
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"Would someone mind taking a look at my profile and giving me some feedback please? Any pointers greatly appreciated "
Honestly, the photos aren't great, and you say you're new to it yet your profile is over a year old.
Bry (and Char) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"5 months & 7 veri’s....
You’re actually doing very well for a single bloke!
Agree with the pic statement, vary what you show.
I personally don’t like all cock pics, nor seeing unprotected sex but that’s my preference."
The verifications are from friends at clubf. I've only played with maybe 2 of them |
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From the little experience we have had, what I see Is that women and couples hate dic pics, I know I personally hate seeing them in my mail box and do get annoyed, why can’t people read profiles. So why not have a profile picture which isn’t one of a cock and maybe not lead off a new message with a picture of your cock, you can have that on your public pictures and If they look then they are interested or curious. Why do most feel the need to show there cock off as a way of an introduction, try words instead.  |
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"A lot of the profiles you messaged probably ain't genuine anyway. Just more well constructed fake ones ran by a pervert fantasist looking for wank material and thrills. "
Its true there a some great genuine profiles but a lot of sickos on here too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To the OP...
You've had lots of great advice here particularly regarding how to rework your profile and the photos therein. You've also got to manage your expectations.
Let us know how you get on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I delete all the messages I send so I don’t whether they’ve read It or not then if I do get a reply it’s a nice surprise and have no expectations
Weirdly it’s always the hottest profiles who always take the time to reply even it’s no thanks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find the key to reply is to make them laugh  "
This is it. I get quite a few messages just saying my profile made them laugh. Too bad I'm a total uggo and things rarely go further than that! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have got more replies and messages from women and couples in recent times. Most likely because I've got more verifications now but also I've improved my profile and pics. |
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It's mostly about the profile here for single men and how compatible others perceive you to be. You still then need to be more desirable than the others who are being considered. My opinion is that you guys have always to get your profile to be as sharp and effective as you can at selling you. If it's doing that, the results are going to be commensurate with your efforts and ability to find those who are most likely to want you. We can't change their preferences or how we fare based on the offers they get at the same time.
Lockdown obviously changes the current situation as people have other priorities. |
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"For me it's the spelling mistakes on the profile, especially regarding plurals. "
Over the last couple of weeks on here, I've seen 'peak' instead of 'pique' written several times.
I could never have sex with a woman who made such a basic error.... unless she gave a vague indication that she might be interested of course!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks to everyone who gave me the advice. I have taken it all on board and I am hiding my profile while I make some changes to it.
Its been much appreciated so thank you all again.
Tony |
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