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Question for cheaters
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I did post this in another current thread about cheating but nobody answered it so thought I'd start my own thread 
I'm curious to know of those who are cheating:
1) do you genuinely feel the problems in your relationship are only due to lack of sex? If you started having sex again would that solve everything?
2) if you started having sex again would you get off fab and stop cheating?
This isn't a thread to bash or judge. While I don't condone cheating I'm not looking to have a go at people for it. I'm just genuinely curious. |
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Considering how judgmental and accusatory the other thread got, plus when someone attempted to answer the questions posed they got shot down, I'll be amazed if you get any serious answers to this thread |
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By *av501TV/TS
over a year ago
Mancetter? |
It is a fact that married couples who swing even with partners permission are cheats if they have sex with another person, as in the vow of 'Forsaking All Others' Monogamy is cited in law for legal grounds for divorce. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Some people just want to watch the world burn! Just let it go! It's the same as asking "why do you like to have two 12 inch cocks DPing you"...it doesn't need an answer, to each their own!"
But where else are you gonna get a captive audience like this? If you don't want to answer the question then don't, I'm not holding a gun to anybody's head  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It is a fact that married couples who swing even with partners permission are cheats if they have sex with another person, as in the vow of 'Forsaking All Others' Monogamy is cited in law for legal grounds for divorce."
That wasn't what I was asking though... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think sex is the only driver to cause someone to stray.
When I was married we had sex. It wasn't my motivator.
Sex or sexual compatibility might be one reason but there's a whole host of others.
Some people also may just do it because they want to and they can. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't think sex is the only driver to cause someone to stray.
When I was married we had sex. It wasn't my motivator.
Sex or sexual compatibility might be one reason but there's a whole host of others.
Some people also may just do it because they want to and they can. "
Most attached people I've come across on here though have said that they're straying due to lack of sex. So I wanted to know if the sex came back to their relationship would they stop cheating? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe one part of the couple has a much lower sex drive than the other one. Or has issues that prevent sex being a part of the Relationship at that time?
Disability may be a factor. Excitement? The fact your partner may not fuck you the way you wish or won’t go down on you?.... it must be different for everyone.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Maybe one part of the couple has a much lower sex drive than the other one. Or has issues that prevent sex being a part of the Relationship at that time?
Disability may be a factor. Excitement? The fact your partner may not fuck you the way you wish or won’t go down on you?.... it must be different for everyone.
"
I know why people cheat, I was just wondering what would cause them to stop. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think most people cheat because of problems at home x think of all the people who are in a sexless marriage. I think that once you cheat and things got better at home you would still cheat x a leopard never changes it's spots  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think sex is the only driver to cause someone to stray.
When I was married we had sex. It wasn't my motivator.
Sex or sexual compatibility might be one reason but there's a whole host of others.
Some people also may just do it because they want to and they can.
Most attached people I've come across on here though have said that they're straying due to lack of sex. So I wanted to know if the sex came back to their relationship would they stop cheating? "
If all the problems in out marriage had suddenly been resolved and I was all of a sudden happy, maybe I would have stopped. However I also think that there was a thrill to doing it and getting away with it too. Not sure that feeling is one I could have given up for long. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't think sex is the only driver to cause someone to stray.
When I was married we had sex. It wasn't my motivator.
Sex or sexual compatibility might be one reason but there's a whole host of others.
Some people also may just do it because they want to and they can.
Most attached people I've come across on here though have said that they're straying due to lack of sex. So I wanted to know if the sex came back to their relationship would they stop cheating?
If all the problems in out marriage had suddenly been resolved and I was all of a sudden happy, maybe I would have stopped. However I also think that there was a thrill to doing it and getting away with it too. Not sure that feeling is one I could have given up for long. "
Interesting... So do you think that once someone has chested the relationship is unsalvageable? Even if all the problems were smoothed out? Did your husband ever find out? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it's about excitement and the thrill of danger that makes people cheat, sex might only be a by product. Belly full of butterflies and the kick of the meet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think sex is the only driver to cause someone to stray.
When I was married we had sex. It wasn't my motivator.
Sex or sexual compatibility might be one reason but there's a whole host of others.
Some people also may just do it because they want to and they can.
Most attached people I've come across on here though have said that they're straying due to lack of sex. So I wanted to know if the sex came back to their relationship would they stop cheating?
If all the problems in out marriage had suddenly been resolved and I was all of a sudden happy, maybe I would have stopped. However I also think that there was a thrill to doing it and getting away with it too. Not sure that feeling is one I could have given up for long.
Interesting... So do you think that once someone has chested the relationship is unsalvageable? Even if all the problems were smoothed out? Did your husband ever find out? "
I don't think the relationship is necessarily doomed. It does take both parties making effort to make it work.
I know of couples where one partner straying is probably keeping their marriage going. She chooses to turn a blind eye and he doesn't need or want to end either thing.
My husband did find out and I also told him everything in the end. I left him, not the other way round. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe one part of the couple has a much lower sex drive than the other one. Or has issues that prevent sex being a part of the Relationship at that time?
Disability may be a factor. Excitement? The fact your partner may not fuck you the way you wish or won’t go down on you?.... it must be different for everyone.
I know why people cheat, I was just wondering what would cause them to stop. "
An angry person and a sharp knife. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it's great to see a guy giving his wife permission to have fun on here. Maybe it's a problem for the husband or whatever .hats off to the husbands who allow their wives to go on here and do anything they liked x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's an interesting question. I knew an old girlfriend was cheating and I actually quite liked it. I thought we could have fun with it but instead of embracing it, she kept doing it and kept it to herself. I asked her about it and she kept lying. People lie but she was compulsive and it was living in a fantasy world. If she was honest it could have worked. I don't think you need to be exclusive to each other to have a successful relationship but trust is a must. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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1) I don’t think the problem just in sex for those who got a partners and swings here on fab, it’s what comes with it, they might fill what they are missing at home, could be attention and made feel wanted etc.
2) if they had sex at home would that made them delete their profiles, well I would refers to number 1! It’s not about the sex it’s probably what comes with it and if they had it at home I thinks the majority will probably be happy with what they got at home.
I could be right or I could be wrong, but this is my personal opinion, hopefully that helps. |
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By *otgirl32Woman
over a year ago
Ashton Under Lyne |
My views on cheating are a bit different. I enjoy married/attached men as well as single men. I don't judge anyone. Everyone has their circumstances.
In my view the biggest reason for cheating is simple - monogamy is unnatural. Reasons are given labels ("not enough sex" or "he/she doesn't respect/value me" or "he/she nags/is abusive" etc etc) but those are just crutches. Fact is it's not natural for humans to have sex with only one partner for 40-50 years - otherwise extramarital sex would have died an evolutionary death. Being EMOTIONALLY monogamous on the other hand is natural although I do feel a person can love more than one person.
Hence, extramarital sex is rampant among us humans. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My views on cheating are a bit different. I enjoy married/attached men as well as single men. I don't judge anyone. Everyone has their circumstances.
In my view the biggest reason for cheating is simple - monogamy is unnatural. Reasons are given labels ("not enough sex" or "he/she doesn't respect/value me" or "he/she nags/is abusive" etc etc) but those are just crutches. Fact is it's not natural for humans to have sex with only one partner for 40-50 years - otherwise extramarital sex would have died an evolutionary death. Being EMOTIONALLY monogamous on the other hand is natural although I do feel a person can love more than one person.
Hence, extramarital sex is rampant among us humans."
Fully Agree with this post! We should not judge , in fact I detest judgemental people. I used to think I was a sex addict and that was my problem. Now I accept that I’m human and I am physically attracted to more than one person and enjoy the sex without an emotional bond forming |
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"I don't think sex is the only driver to cause someone to stray.
When I was married we had sex. It wasn't my motivator.
Sex or sexual compatibility might be one reason but there's a whole host of others.
Some people also may just do it because they want to and they can.
Most attached people I've come across on here though have said that they're straying due to lack of sex. So I wanted to know if the sex came back to their relationship would they stop cheating? "
Most cheats on here say the classic ‘ my partner doesn’t understand my needs’ line
Most say they have no sex life with them
Most are lying
Cheating is mainly down to the fact they can
If you ask any of the cheats how they would feel if it was their partner doing it the majority are horrified at the thought or insistent their OH’s wouldn’t
Being in a relationship is about trust , respect and loving someone enough to be honest with them
Being in a swinging relationship together where it’s consensual on both sides is a deferent kettle of fish
So in short even if the sex came back chances are they would still cheat |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We've been together 26 years and both had affairs in the past. I've no excuse for mine it was put on a plate so I went for it. We've been swinging together for 14 years on and off been on here for about 5 years and we've tried to fulfill as many fantasies as possible and it's been great fun. I have no problem with Leanne playing on her own as long as I no shes safe and vice versa. I even enjoy dropping her and waiting so much fun lol and I've been fucking in the car with a lady I've met off the train while shes been cooking tea for the kids it's very exciting when you get home pmsfl I think a lot of couples are scared to open up and talk... |
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"It is a fact that married couples who swing even with partners permission are cheats if they have sex with another person, as in the vow of 'Forsaking All Others' Monogamy is cited in law for legal grounds for divorce."
Marriage vows are not a part of any legal process, the "actual legal marriage" is just the paperwork, the rest is just ceremony.
Cal |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had a affair for 9 years it started after the birth of my first child because I wasn't getting any sex or affection at home then the barmaid gave me some attention flirting and soon enough I crumbled and had sex with her then fell in love with her I lived 2 separate lives for 9 years it nearly killed me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In my case, I cheated years before I knew about fab. We still had sex, it wasn't about a lack thereof. I cheated because I didn't know how to end the relationship and I didn't have the courage to. There were years my being on the receiving end of emotional manipulation. So no, sex made no difference. |
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By *AYENCouple
over a year ago
Lincolnshire |
I wonder if fetish plays a part in cheating, if the fetish isn't shared or accepted?
If cheating happens purely due to lack of sex at home, why not just tell your partner you'll seek it somewhere else? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I did post this in another current thread about cheating but nobody answered it so thought I'd start my own thread
I'm curious to know of those who are cheating:
1) do you genuinely feel the problems in your relationship are only due to lack of sex? If you started having sex again would that solve everything?
2) if you started having sex again would you get off fab and stop cheating?
This isn't a thread to bash or judge. While I don't condone cheating I'm not looking to have a go at people for it. I'm just genuinely curious. "
Guys I meet usually tell me their life story afterwards, their Mrs never fucks them etc. My advice is always the same, If she doesn't fuck you she doesn't find you attractive. That's usually before I make my exit never to return.
Good question though why do guys stay with Women who find them repulsive? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I did post this in another current thread about cheating but nobody answered it so thought I'd start my own thread
I'm curious to know of those who are cheating:
1) do you genuinely feel the problems in your relationship are only due to lack of sex? If you started having sex again would that solve everything?
2) if you started having sex again would you get off fab and stop cheating?
This isn't a thread to bash or judge. While I don't condone cheating I'm not looking to have a go at people for it. I'm just genuinely curious. "
(DISCLAIMER)
Im not cheating and have never cheated nor am I condoning or defending people who do so
If youre genuinely curious i recommend going on r/adultery on reddit, I was also curious about this and it does give much better insight and there is considerably less chance of randos coming in and being judgemental and accusatory or seeing your genuine question and see it as a chance to white knight or childishly just dunk on people who do something they personally don't agree with |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My views on cheating are a bit different. I enjoy married/attached men as well as single men. I don't judge anyone. Everyone has their circumstances.
In my view the biggest reason for cheating is simple - monogamy is unnatural. Reasons are given labels ("not enough sex" or "he/she doesn't respect/value me" or "he/she nags/is abusive" etc etc) but those are just crutches. Fact is it's not natural for humans to have sex with only one partner for 40-50 years - otherwise extramarital sex would have died an evolutionary death. Being EMOTIONALLY monogamous on the other hand is natural although I do feel a person can love more than one person.
Hence, extramarital sex is rampant among us humans.
Fully Agree with this post! We should not judge , in fact I detest judgemental people. I used to think I was a sex addict and that was my problem. Now I accept that I’m human and I am physically attracted to more than one person and enjoy the sex without an emotional bond forming "
Saying you detest judgemental people is actually a judgment in itself. :D
We are humans, we can’t help but judge, it’s natural. To judge someone is to form an opinion, it literally can’t be helped. |
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"My views on cheating are a bit different. I enjoy married/attached men as well as single men. I don't judge anyone. Everyone has their circumstances.
In my view the biggest reason for cheating is simple - monogamy is unnatural. Reasons are given labels ("not enough sex" or "he/she doesn't respect/value me" or "he/she nags/is abusive" etc etc) but those are just crutches. Fact is it's not natural for humans to have sex with only one partner for 40-50 years - otherwise extramarital sex would have died an evolutionary death. Being EMOTIONALLY monogamous on the other hand is natural although I do feel a person can love more than one person.
Hence, extramarital sex is rampant among us humans."
^^^^^
Oh god yes, this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My views on cheating are a bit different. I enjoy married/attached men as well as single men. I don't judge anyone. Everyone has their circumstances.
In my view the biggest reason for cheating is simple - monogamy is unnatural. Reasons are given labels ("not enough sex" or "he/she doesn't respect/value me" or "he/she nags/is abusive" etc etc) but those are just crutches. Fact is it's not natural for humans to have sex with only one partner for 40-50 years - otherwise extramarital sex would have died an evolutionary death. Being EMOTIONALLY monogamous on the other hand is natural although I do feel a person can love more than one person.
Hence, extramarital sex is rampant among us humans."
This could absolutely be true for most people on earth.
However I think if one believes this, they shouldn’t enter into a marriage with someone else who may not, or someone they haven’t discussed this with.
Easier said than done, but if more people were actually honest there’d probably be less heartbreak in the long run. |
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By *W ChapMan
over a year ago
Swindon |
1) do you genuinely feel the problems in your relationship are only due to lack of sex? If you started having sex again would that solve everything?
It's not always about no sex, it can also be about the quality of sex. Maybe you can find someone who is just completely compatible sex wise but not in other senses.
2) if you started having sex again would you get off fab and stop cheating?
If the above was the case, no possibly not.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In my experience its not so much the lack of sex as such that causes someone to have an ongoing affair but other issues in a relationship, one big one being intimacy.
You can have sex with your partner but still not feel any special connection or love. |
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Since having the menopause my wife is much less interested in sex, because of this I have sought safe pleasure elsewhere on Fab. I haven't actually cheated yet as it has proven difficult to find someone willing to wear condoms for oral. |
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When I first joined fab I was married to a different husband! I was cheating, but then again we were living separate lives and hadn’t had sex With each other for over two years at the time. Once I got my shit together I left him.
Fab is how I met Mr J and thankfully there’s no need for cheating now! |
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"Since having the menopause my wife is much less interested in sex, because of this I have sought safe pleasure elsewhere on Fab. I haven't actually cheated yet as it has proven difficult to find someone willing to wear condoms for oral."
Have you thought about supporting your wife through her menopause? Vow ‘in sickness and in health’. So someone wearing a condom is you not cheating or have I mis read that? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Since having the menopause my wife is much less interested in sex, because of this I have sought safe pleasure elsewhere on Fab. I haven't actually cheated yet as it has proven difficult to find someone willing to wear condoms for oral.
Have you thought about supporting your wife through her menopause? Vow ‘in sickness and in health’. So someone wearing a condom is you not cheating or have I mis read that? "
I think you've misread that yes.
If a woman doesn't fancy her man anymore so won't fuck him what else is he supposed to do?
He didn't sign up to become a monk. He's worked all his life to provide a nice safe home for her and now she turns her back on him while fucking younger guys when he's at work providing |
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By *arklong88Man
over a year ago
Portslade/porthmadog |
I used to think it was lack of sex at home that drove people to cheat(and I think it can)but as mentioned above the whole thrill/kink of it could also be reason.
Hence monogamy is a failure for many |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Do think it's slightly funny the judgement that flies around this site. There plenty of things that you see people up to that wouldn't be for me but you know what it doesn't worry me and let them Get on with it. If it make them happy then let them away. When it comes cheating, people love to have their two cents on it and can actually be really nasty about it and that's just in their profile. We'll I wonder if someone was as nasty about people who were overweight would there be as much distain. It's just a topic that brings out the holier than thou in a lot of people and that's just how it is. Therefore I just find it easier to display it and people can choose to. Interact or not
With regards to getting it at home, if I had the sex life I wanted I wouldn't be on here at all. I've tried discussing it with her but it's just a no go and not something thats on her radar. Sex also isn't everything in a relationship and really it's the only part that is off. |
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"Since having the menopause my wife is much less interested in sex, because of this I have sought safe pleasure elsewhere on Fab. I haven't actually cheated yet as it has proven difficult to find someone willing to wear condoms for oral.
Have you thought about supporting your wife through her menopause? Vow ‘in sickness and in health’. So someone wearing a condom is you not cheating or have I mis read that?
I think you've misread that yes.
If a woman doesn't fancy her man anymore so won't fuck him what else is he supposed to do?
He didn't sign up to become a monk. He's worked all his life to provide a nice safe home for her and now she turns her back on him while fucking younger guys when he's at work providing"
Well the question is why doesn’t the woman fancy her man any more? There is a reason, he takes her for granted, he doesn’t help in the house or with the kids, he pays no attention, he is crap in bed! So that’s when communication should start! Talk to each other! Sorry to hear she f****d younger guys while you were working. Clearly there were issues but could they have been sorted with communication? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe one part of the couple has a much lower sex drive than the other one. Or has issues that prevent sex being a part of the Relationship at that time?
Disability may be a factor. Excitement? The fact your partner may not fuck you the way you wish or won’t go down on you?.... it must be different for everyone.
I know why people cheat, I was just wondering what would cause them to stop. "
I tried to 0m you to discuss but I'm out your age range sadly.
I'd give an honest and open chat on subject... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Since having the menopause my wife is much less interested in sex, because of this I have sought safe pleasure elsewhere on Fab. I haven't actually cheated yet as it has proven difficult to find someone willing to wear condoms for oral.
Have you thought about supporting your wife through her menopause? Vow ‘in sickness and in health’. So someone wearing a condom is you not cheating or have I mis read that?
I think you've misread that yes.
If a woman doesn't fancy her man anymore so won't fuck him what else is he supposed to do?
He didn't sign up to become a monk. He's worked all his life to provide a nice safe home for her and now she turns her back on him while fucking younger guys when he's at work providing
Well the question is why doesn’t the woman fancy her man any more? There is a reason, he takes her for granted, he doesn’t help in the house or with the kids, he pays no attention, he is crap in bed! So that’s when communication should start! Talk to each other! Sorry to hear she f****d younger guys while you were working. Clearly there were issues but could they have been sorted with communication?"
Lol this isn't about me and at no time did he say it was because he didn't help around the house. Not here to argue so enjoy your day |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Since having the menopause my wife is much less interested in sex, because of this I have sought safe pleasure elsewhere on Fab. I haven't actually cheated yet as it has proven difficult to find someone willing to wear condoms for oral.
Have you thought about supporting your wife through her menopause? Vow ‘in sickness and in health’. So someone wearing a condom is you not cheating or have I mis read that?
I think you've misread that yes.
If a woman doesn't fancy her
Well the question is why doesn’t the woman fancy her man any more? There is a reason, he takes her for granted, he doesn’t help in the house or with the kids, he pays no attention, he is crap in bed! So that’s when communication should start! Clearly there were issues but could they have been sorted with communication?"
Seems her communication must be off too. She didn't need to pass any of the info onto him either. What's he to do then? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe their partner turned out to be a complete cunt and neglects them so much the lay next to them every single night lonely and crying. Maybe they want out but life has complicated circumstances. Maybe there’s children, maybe there’s finances. No one has a life that isn’t intertwined with someone else in some way in a long term “relationship”. When someone loves you and gives you everything go elsewhere for then that’s cheating cos you get it at home. If you go off to find something that isn’t at home then that’s not cheating. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The logic of if you’re not happy you should leave is a stupid as telling a child if they are not happy with their parents they should leave. Circumstances and people’s lives don’t make as easy as that. Accept people have lives you know nothing about so don’t judge them harshly x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do think it's slightly funny the judgement that flies around this site. There plenty of things that you see people up to that wouldn't be for me but you know what it doesn't worry me and let them Get on with it. If it make them happy then let them away. When it comes cheating, people love to have their two cents on it and can actually be really nasty about it and that's just in their profile. We'll I wonder if someone was as nasty about people who were overweight would there be as much distain. It's just a topic that brings out the holier than thou in a lot of people and that's just how it is. Therefore I just find it easier to display it and people can choose to. Interact or not
With regards to getting it at home, if I had the sex life I wanted I wouldn't be on here at all. I've tried discussing it with her but it's just a no go and not something thats on her radar. Sex also isn't everything in a relationship and really it's the only part that is off. "
People are nasty about overweight people all the time.
Most of us overweight people couldn’t give a fuck, we accept we are fat and that we need to do something about it.
If only cheaters could have the same acceptance within themselves... |
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"Well the question is why doesn’t the woman fancy her man any more? There is a reason, he takes her for granted, he doesn’t help in the house or with the kids, he pays no attention, he is crap in bed! So that’s when communication should start! Talk to each other! Sorry to hear she f****d younger guys while you were working. Clearly there were issues but could they have been sorted with communication?"
Here’s the problem: these reasons are stated as fact but they’re all wrong. I know they’re wrong and my wife would tell you they’re wrong too, she did in couples counselling.
If you aren’t open to your ideas being incorrect, you’re not interested in finding out the truth and why these things threads always turn to shit.
Communication? I could write a book on how one partner can shut that down. You can’t just blindly say it like nobody else has thought of it. It’s been tried and tried and tried but failed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some people just want to watch the world burn! Just let it go! It's the same as asking "why do you like to have two 12 inch cocks DPing you"...it doesn't need an answer, to each their own!"
I totally agree... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe their partner turned out to be a complete cunt and neglects them so much the lay next to them every single night lonely and crying. Maybe they want out but life has complicated circumstances. Maybe there’s children, maybe there’s finances. No one has a life that isn’t intertwined with someone else in some way in a long term “relationship”. When someone loves you and gives you everything go elsewhere for then that’s cheating cos you get it at home. If you go off to find something that isn’t at home then that’s not cheating. "
Having sex behind your partners back is cheating, whether you’re getting it at home or not it’s still cheating.
I can’t see how being deceitful solves any relationship problem.
I wonder how many would cheat if they’d been on the receiving end of it. I’ve been on the receiving end, it’s horrible, it hurts and it can affect your future relationships for the rest of your life.
Why would any loving person want to put that pain onto someone else? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The logic of if you’re not happy you should leave is a stupid as telling a child if they are not happy with their parents they should leave. Circumstances and people’s lives don’t make as easy as that. Accept people have lives you know nothing about so don’t judge them harshly x"
Exactly this.. Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors..
People are too quick to judge. |
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"Since having the menopause my wife is much less interested in sex, because of this I have sought safe pleasure elsewhere on Fab. I haven't actually cheated yet as it has proven difficult to find someone willing to wear condoms for oral.
Have you thought about supporting your wife through her menopause? Vow ‘in sickness and in health’. So someone wearing a condom is you not cheating or have I mis read that?
I think you've misread that yes.
If a woman doesn't fancy her man anymore so won't fuck him what else is he supposed to do?
He didn't sign up to become a monk. He's worked all his life to provide a nice safe home for her and now she turns her back on him while fucking younger guys when he's at work providing
Well the question is why doesn’t the woman fancy her man any more? There is a reason, he takes her for granted, he doesn’t help in the house or with the kids, he pays no attention, he is crap in bed! So that’s when communication should start! Talk to each other! Sorry to hear she f****d younger guys while you were working. Clearly there were issues but could they have been sorted with communication?
Lol this isn't about me and at no time did he say it was because he didn't help around the house. Not here to argue so enjoy your day"
I was merely responding to a comment, I was not arguing. The problem with these kind of threads is if we don’t agree with the cheaters and we condone it then we are arguing, we are actually ‘debating’. If you don’t know the difference then pass by. Enjoy your day too. |
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By *G999Man
over a year ago
Bath & Surrounding |
"I did post this in another current thread about cheating but nobody answered it so thought I'd start my own thread
I'm curious to know of those who are cheating:
1) do you genuinely feel the problems in your relationship are only due to lack of sex? If you started having sex again would that solve everything?
2) if you started having sex again would you get off fab and stop cheating?
This isn't a thread to bash or judge. While I don't condone cheating I'm not looking to have a go at people for it. I'm just genuinely curious. "
Interesting article to google/read: "psychology today - why we think monogamy is normal"
This won't answer your specific question, however it does illustrate quite well that if someone doesn't believe what you believe, then they're simply not asking themselves the questions you pose.
Something to ponder.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wonder how many would cheat if they’d been on the receiving end of it. I’ve been on the receiving end, it’s horrible, it hurts and it can affect your future relationships for the rest of your life.
Why would any loving person want to put that pain onto someone else? "
I am sorry you have experienced pain. I’m sure you can appreciate though I don’t know you or your circumstances. For all I know you may have been a terrible partner. You may have thought differently but something clearly wasn’t right. Sometimes life is just shit and sometimes we are the ones to blame. I’m not saying you are to blame but there are 2 sides to every story and I wouldn’t judge him or you on knowing neither. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wonder how many would cheat if they’d been on the receiving end of it. I’ve been on the receiving end, it’s horrible, it hurts and it can affect your future relationships for the rest of your life.
Why would any loving person want to put that pain onto someone else?
I am sorry you have experienced pain. I’m sure you can appreciate though I don’t know you or your circumstances. For all I know you may have been a terrible partner. You may have thought differently but something clearly wasn’t right. Sometimes life is just shit and sometimes we are the ones to blame. I’m not saying you are to blame but there are 2 sides to every story and I wouldn’t judge him or you on knowing neither. X"
It’s not about my experiences being on the receiving end, it’s more about the pain and issue it can cause later on in life, and that’s what cheating does to people when they find out.
When you cheat you are potentially risking being found out, so I can’t understand how a life of deceit and potential to be found out is better than a clean break.
I wasn’t a terrible partner but even if I was, that’s no excuse for cheating and causing pain in my opinion, anyone who thinks it is, is worse than the “terrible” partner. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wonder how many would cheat if they’d been on the receiving end of it. I’ve been on the receiving end, it’s horrible, it hurts and it can affect your future relationships for the rest of your life.
Why would any loving person want to put that pain onto someone else?
I am sorry you have experienced pain. I’m sure you can appreciate though I don’t know you or your circumstances. For all I know you may have been a terrible partner. You may have thought differently but something clearly wasn’t right. Sometimes life is just shit and sometimes we are the ones to blame. I’m not saying you are to blame but there are 2 sides to every story and I wouldn’t judge him or you on knowing neither. X
It’s not about my experiences being on the receiving end, it’s more about the pain and issue it can cause later on in life, and that’s what cheating does to people when they find out.
When you cheat you are potentially risking being found out, so I can’t understand how a life of deceit and potential to be found out is better than a clean break.
I wasn’t a terrible partner but even if I was, that’s no excuse for cheating and causing pain in my opinion, anyone who thinks it is, is worse than the “terrible” partner. "
Your circumstances are unique to you. I do though hope that you find that person who worships you makes you so fucking happy x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sex should be recreational fun...with or without a partner
Love causes the problems..
Differentiate between the two instead of believing they go hand in hand... some people can’t do both...
There is no right or wrong way .....
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Sex should be recreational fun...with or without a partner
Love causes the problems..
Differentiate between the two instead of believing they go hand in hand... some people can’t do both...
There is no right or wrong way .....
"
Good way of looking at it...   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Sex should be recreational fun...with or without a partner
Love causes the problems..
Differentiate between the two instead of believing they go hand in hand... some people can’t do both...
There is no right or wrong way .....
Good way of looking at it... "
thank you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Sex should be recreational fun...with or without a partner
Love causes the problems..
Differentiate between the two instead of believing they go hand in hand... some people can’t do both...
There is no right or wrong way .....
Good way of looking at it...
thank you x"
My pleasure if sex isn't fun no point doing it.. Trust me I went years without it in my marriage.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It is a fact that married couples who swing even with partners permission are cheats if they have sex with another person, as in the vow of 'Forsaking All Others' Monogamy is cited in law for legal grounds for divorce."
Adulterers yes, cheaters no. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Lots of reasons as to WHY people cheat... I already know them all lol. My question was what would cause people to STOP cheating. "
I wonder if the lack of direct answers to your question is because cheaters don’t actually want to stop... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Lots of reasons as to WHY people cheat... I already know them all lol. My question was what would cause people to STOP cheating.
I wonder if the lack of direct answers to your question is because cheaters don’t actually want to stop... "
I think they are so used to justifying their behaviour it's like an automatic reflex now. I don't care about the reasons tbh.
What would also be interesting to know is how do you stop someone cheating on you? How do you keep someone happy while also keeping yourself happy? Is it fair to expect someone to meet all your needs without considering their own? |
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"I think they are so used to justifying their behaviour it's like an automatic reflex now. I don't care about the reasons tbh.
What would also be interesting to know is how do you stop someone cheating on you? How do you keep someone happy while also keeping yourself happy? Is it fair to expect someone to meet all your needs without considering their own? "
Sounds like you’ve already got all the answers which is why you don’t need to listen to others.
I think there’s some value in renaming these threads “I’ve experienced adultery, it really hurt, can I have some support please”
Then you’d get what you actually need instead of jumping to conclusions about others which don’t matter to you. |
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"I think they are so used to justifying their behaviour it's like an automatic reflex now. I don't care about the reasons tbh.
What would also be interesting to know is how do you stop someone cheating on you? How do you keep someone happy while also keeping yourself happy? Is it fair to expect someone to meet all your needs without considering their own?
Sounds like you’ve already got all the answers which is why you don’t need to listen to others.
I think there’s some value in renaming these threads “I’ve experienced adultery, it really hurt, can I have some support please”
Then you’d get what you actually need instead of jumping to conclusions about others which don’t matter to you."
So you are jumping to conclusions. How have you assumed OP needs support or that she was cheated on? You’re having a go to justify cheating is the right thing to do. If it was right then you would be honest about it to the person you promised not to cheat on in your marriage vows.
OP people will not say what would make them stop because they don’t want to stop but cheaters usually get found out, then it’s divorce which is a costly and emotional business. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Lots of reasons as to WHY people cheat... I already know them all lol. My question was what would cause people to STOP cheating.
I wonder if the lack of direct answers to your question is because cheaters don’t actually want to stop...
I think they are so used to justifying their behaviour it's like an automatic reflex now. I don't care about the reasons tbh.
What would also be interesting to know is how do you stop someone cheating on you? How do you keep someone happy while also keeping yourself happy? Is it fair to expect someone to meet all your needs without considering their own? "
You’ve asked some interesting questions. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think they are so used to justifying their behaviour it's like an automatic reflex now. I don't care about the reasons tbh.
What would also be interesting to know is how do you stop someone cheating on you? How do you keep someone happy while also keeping yourself happy? Is it fair to expect someone to meet all your needs without considering their own?
Sounds like you’ve already got all the answers which is why you don’t need to listen to others.
I think there’s some value in renaming these threads “I’ve experienced adultery, it really hurt, can I have some support please”
Then you’d get what you actually need instead of jumping to conclusions about others which don’t matter to you."
Actually I've never experienced adultery. I've never been in a relationship. Who's jumping to conclusions now?
I ask because I'm terrified of ever getting into a relationship after having been on fab and seeing the amount of cheating that's going on. Seeing all the different reasons, from the understandable ones I can symphatise with to the downright ludicrous. I've just been PMd by someone who says he's cheating because he and his wife work different shift patterns. How is anybody meant to be able to feel secure in a relationship when people are able to justify their actions so easily?
I didn't want this to turn into a cheating-bashing thread. But honestly I think being on here and seeing it from all sides has scarred me beyond belief. It's always going to be in the back of my mind no matter who I end up with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think sex is the only driver to cause someone to stray.
When I was married we had sex. It wasn't my motivator.
Sex or sexual compatibility might be one reason but there's a whole host of others.
Some people also may just do it because they want to and they can.
Most attached people I've come across on here though have said that they're straying due to lack of sex. So I wanted to know if the sex came back to their relationship would they stop cheating? "
Yes.. 100% I’d say my goodbyes and my account would be removed
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think they are so used to justifying their behaviour it's like an automatic reflex now. I don't care about the reasons tbh.
What would also be interesting to know is how do you stop someone cheating on you? How do you keep someone happy while also keeping yourself happy? Is it fair to expect someone to meet all your needs without considering their own?
Sounds like you’ve already got all the answers which is why you don’t need to listen to others.
I think there’s some value in renaming these threads “I’ve experienced adultery, it really hurt, can I have some support please”
Then you’d get what you actually need instead of jumping to conclusions about others which don’t matter to you.
So you are jumping to conclusions. How have you assumed OP needs support or that she was cheated on? You’re having a go to justify cheating is the right thing to do. If it was right then you would be honest about it to the person you promised not to cheat on in your marriage vows.
OP people will not say what would make them stop because they don’t want to stop but cheaters usually get found out, then it’s divorce which is a costly and emotional business. "
Absolutely this.
People can reel off as many excuses and reasons as they like to “justify”, but the end goal in my opinion is thrill and the fact that they can and have gotten away with it so continue to do it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
My partner and I had a fantastic sex life which occasionally included other people, unfortunately due to her going through the menopause she is no longer interested in or wants any form of sexual contact . She has said that I can get it elsewhere, but when I do arrange a meeting it is within my normal times of being away from the house , I wont make plans to go out during the evening only if she is on a girls night out or weekend away . |
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"I think they are so used to justifying their behaviour it's like an automatic reflex now. I don't care about the reasons tbh.
What would also be interesting to know is how do you stop someone cheating on you? How do you keep someone happy while also keeping yourself happy? Is it fair to expect someone to meet all your needs without considering their own?
Sounds like you’ve already got all the answers which is why you don’t need to listen to others.
I think there’s some value in renaming these threads “I’ve experienced adultery, it really hurt, can I have some support please”
Then you’d get what you actually need instead of jumping to conclusions about others which don’t matter to you.
Actually I've never experienced adultery. I've never been in a relationship. Who's jumping to conclusions now?
I ask because I'm terrified of ever getting into a relationship after having been on fab and seeing the amount of cheating that's going on. Seeing all the different reasons, from the understandable ones I can symphatise with to the downright ludicrous. I've just been PMd by someone who says he's cheating because he and his wife work different shift patterns. How is anybody meant to be able to feel secure in a relationship when people are able to justify their actions so easily?
I didn't want this to turn into a cheating-bashing thread. But honestly I think being on here and seeing it from all sides has scarred me beyond belief. It's always going to be in the back of my mind no matter who I end up with. "
I mentioned it because you said your father did it.
No conclusions jumped to at all but I think it would help you to work through the feelings and anxieties and accusing people on here isn’t the way |
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"People can reel off as many excuses and reasons as they like to “justify”, but the end goal in my opinion is thrill and the fact that they can and have gotten away with it so continue to do it. "
You have an opinion but it doesn’t match my facts. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"People can reel off as many excuses and reasons as they like to “justify”, but the end goal in my opinion is thrill and the fact that they can and have gotten away with it so continue to do it.
You have an opinion but it doesn’t match my facts."
If your facts are true, that’s fine.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think they are so used to justifying their behaviour it's like an automatic reflex now. I don't care about the reasons tbh.
What would also be interesting to know is how do you stop someone cheating on you? How do you keep someone happy while also keeping yourself happy? Is it fair to expect someone to meet all your needs without considering their own?
Sounds like you’ve already got all the answers which is why you don’t need to listen to others.
I think there’s some value in renaming these threads “I’ve experienced adultery, it really hurt, can I have some support please”
Then you’d get what you actually need instead of jumping to conclusions about others which don’t matter to you.
Actually I've never experienced adultery. I've never been in a relationship. Who's jumping to conclusions now?
I ask because I'm terrified of ever getting into a relationship after having been on fab and seeing the amount of cheating that's going on. Seeing all the different reasons, from the understandable ones I can symphatise with to the downright ludicrous. I've just been PMd by someone who says he's cheating because he and his wife work different shift patterns. How is anybody meant to be able to feel secure in a relationship when people are able to justify their actions so easily?
I didn't want this to turn into a cheating-bashing thread. But honestly I think being on here and seeing it from all sides has scarred me beyond belief. It's always going to be in the back of my mind no matter who I end up with.
I mentioned it because you said your father did it.
No conclusions jumped to at all but I think it would help you to work through the feelings and anxieties and accusing people on here isn’t the way"
What happened with my dad took place before my fab days and I just thought he was a dick, which he is.
I didn't know how common it was so my experience with that isn't where these feelings have come from. |
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"My views on cheating are a bit different. I enjoy married/attached men as well as single men. I don't judge anyone. Everyone has their circumstances.
In my view the biggest reason for cheating is simple - monogamy is unnatural. Reasons are given labels ("not enough sex" or "he/she doesn't respect/value me" or "he/she nags/is abusive" etc etc) but those are just crutches. Fact is it's not natural for humans to have sex with only one partner for 40-50 years - otherwise extramarital sex would have died an evolutionary death. Being EMOTIONALLY monogamous on the other hand is natural although I do feel a person can love more than one person.
Hence, extramarital sex is rampant among us humans."
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think they are so used to justifying their behaviour it's like an automatic reflex now. I don't care about the reasons tbh.
What would also be interesting to know is how do you stop someone cheating on you? How do you keep someone happy while also keeping yourself happy? Is it fair to expect someone to meet all your needs without considering their own?
Sounds like you’ve already got all the answers which is why you don’t need to listen to others.
I think there’s some value in renaming these threads “I’ve experienced adultery, it really hurt, can I have some support please”
Then you’d get what you actually need instead of jumping to conclusions about others which don’t matter to you.
Actually I've never experienced adultery. I've never been in a relationship. Who's jumping to conclusions now?
I ask because I'm terrified of ever getting into a relationship after having been on fab and seeing the amount of cheating that's going on. Seeing all the different reasons, from the understandable ones I can symphatise with to the downright ludicrous. I've just been PMd by someone who says he's cheating because he and his wife work different shift patterns. How is anybody meant to be able to feel secure in a relationship when people are able to justify their actions so easily?
I didn't want this to turn into a cheating-bashing thread. But honestly I think being on here and seeing it from all sides has scarred me beyond belief. It's always going to be in the back of my mind no matter who I end up with.
I mentioned it because you said your father did it.
No conclusions jumped to at all but I think it would help you to work through the feelings and anxieties and accusing people on here isn’t the way
What happened with my dad took place before my fab days and I just thought he was a dick, which he is.
I didn't know how common it was so my experience with that isn't where these feelings have come from. "
Also, his situation was incredibly different from any I have heard on here. I don't think I will ever hear a similar story for the rest of my life. I will never be in a situation where my partner will have the same reasons as he did, but it is very likely I will get cheated on for some of the reasons mentioned here without even knowing there was ever a problem. |
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"I think they are so used to justifying their behaviour it's like an automatic reflex now. I don't care about the reasons tbh.
What would also be interesting to know is how do you stop someone cheating on you? How do you keep someone happy while also keeping yourself happy? Is it fair to expect someone to meet all your needs without considering their own?
Sounds like you’ve already got all the answers which is why you don’t need to listen to others.
I think there’s some value in renaming these threads “I’ve experienced adultery, it really hurt, can I have some support please”
Then you’d get what you actually need instead of jumping to conclusions about others which don’t matter to you.
Actually I've never experienced adultery. I've never been in a relationship. Who's jumping to conclusions now?
I ask because I'm terrified of ever getting into a relationship after having been on fab and seeing the amount of cheating that's going on. Seeing all the different reasons, from the understandable ones I can symphatise with to the downright ludicrous. I've just been PMd by someone who says he's cheating because he and his wife work different shift patterns. How is anybody meant to be able to feel secure in a relationship when people are able to justify their actions so easily?
I didn't want this to turn into a cheating-bashing thread. But honestly I think being on here and seeing it from all sides has scarred me beyond belief. It's always going to be in the back of my mind no matter who I end up with.
I mentioned it because you said your father did it.
No conclusions jumped to at all but I think it would help you to work through the feelings and anxieties and accusing people on here isn’t the way
What happened with my dad took place before my fab days and I just thought he was a dick, which he is.
I didn't know how common it was so my experience with that isn't where these feelings have come from.
Also, his situation was incredibly different from any I have heard on here. I don't think I will ever hear a similar story for the rest of my life. I will never be in a situation where my partner will have the same reasons as he did, but it is very likely I will get cheated on for some of the reasons mentioned here without even knowing there was ever a problem. "
As I said, if you’re after this being resolved for _your_ feelings and worries, this isn’t the way to work through it.
This just reinforces deliberate misunderstanding, lack of listening and shutting down reasoning.
See the other 1,729,625 cheating threads for details |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think they are so used to justifying their behaviour it's like an automatic reflex now. I don't care about the reasons tbh.
What would also be interesting to know is how do you stop someone cheating on you? How do you keep someone happy while also keeping yourself happy? Is it fair to expect someone to meet all your needs without considering their own?
Sounds like you’ve already got all the answers which is why you don’t need to listen to others.
I think there’s some value in renaming these threads “I’ve experienced adultery, it really hurt, can I have some support please”
Then you’d get what you actually need instead of jumping to conclusions about others which don’t matter to you.
Actually I've never experienced adultery. I've never been in a relationship. Who's jumping to conclusions now?
I ask because I'm terrified of ever getting into a relationship after having been on fab and seeing the amount of cheating that's going on. Seeing all the different reasons, from the understandable ones I can symphatise with to the downright ludicrous. I've just been PMd by someone who says he's cheating because he and his wife work different shift patterns. How is anybody meant to be able to feel secure in a relationship when people are able to justify their actions so easily?
I didn't want this to turn into a cheating-bashing thread. But honestly I think being on here and seeing it from all sides has scarred me beyond belief. It's always going to be in the back of my mind no matter who I end up with.
I mentioned it because you said your father did it.
No conclusions jumped to at all but I think it would help you to work through the feelings and anxieties and accusing people on here isn’t the way
What happened with my dad took place before my fab days and I just thought he was a dick, which he is.
I didn't know how common it was so my experience with that isn't where these feelings have come from.
Also, his situation was incredibly different from any I have heard on here. I don't think I will ever hear a similar story for the rest of my life. I will never be in a situation where my partner will have the same reasons as he did, but it is very likely I will get cheated on for some of the reasons mentioned here without even knowing there was ever a problem.
As I said, if you’re after this being resolved for _your_ feelings and worries, this isn’t the way to work through it.
This just reinforces deliberate misunderstanding, lack of listening and shutting down reasoning.
See the other 1,729,625 cheating threads for details"
OK I forgot you were a licensed psychiatrist
Last I checked people are allowed to post threads about whatever they want. If I want to use this platform to gain some sort of insight that might be able to help me then who are you to decide that's not okay? I didn't even bring up my personal feelings until you prompted me to.
Maybe it is you who feels uneasy about what you are doing and so are feeling the need to justify yourself across all 1,729,625 of those threads. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"It is a fact that married couples who swing even with partners permission are cheats if they have sex with another person, as in the vow of 'Forsaking All Others' Monogamy is cited in law for legal grounds for divorce."
They are not cheats , they have just both agreed to break one of the legal marriage vows. Our actually wedding was completely separate from the legal art, even on a different day and our vows to each other were our own, so we’re jot cheating when we sleep with others. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Communicate and talk talk that's the only answer I've got to cheating. I'm in my 3rd marriage. I understand if your highly sext not cheating is hard in a relationship you need to talk and work out each others needs I no that's hard but it has to be done. If your cheating for the thrill of it while your partners back at home thinking everything's hunky dory that's bollocks. Not a rant just fact let them go off and enjoy there life. Btw good post OP... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think they are so used to justifying their behaviour it's like an automatic reflex now. I don't care about the reasons tbh.
What would also be interesting to know is how do you stop someone cheating on you? How do you keep someone happy while also keeping yourself happy? Is it fair to expect someone to meet all your needs without considering their own?
Sounds like you’ve already got all the answers which is why you don’t need to listen to others.
I think there’s some value in renaming these threads “I’ve experienced adultery, it really hurt, can I have some support please”
Then you’d get what you actually need instead of jumping to conclusions about others which don’t matter to you.
Actually I've never experienced adultery. I've never been in a relationship. Who's jumping to conclusions now?
I ask because I'm terrified of ever getting into a relationship after having been on fab and seeing the amount of cheating that's going on. Seeing all the different reasons, from the understandable ones I can symphatise with to the downright ludicrous. I've just been PMd by someone who says he's cheating because he and his wife work different shift patterns. How is anybody meant to be able to feel secure in a relationship when people are able to justify their actions so easily?
I didn't want this to turn into a cheating-bashing thread. But honestly I think being on here and seeing it from all sides has scarred me beyond belief. It's always going to be in the back of my mind no matter who I end up with.
I mentioned it because you said your father did it.
No conclusions jumped to at all but I think it would help you to work through the feelings and anxieties and accusing people on here isn’t the way
What happened with my dad took place before my fab days and I just thought he was a dick, which he is.
I didn't know how common it was so my experience with that isn't where these feelings have come from.
Also, his situation was incredibly different from any I have heard on here. I don't think I will ever hear a similar story for the rest of my life. I will never be in a situation where my partner will have the same reasons as he did, but it is very likely I will get cheated on for some of the reasons mentioned here without even knowing there was ever a problem.
As I said, if you’re after this being resolved for _your_ feelings and worries, this isn’t the way to work through it.
This just reinforces deliberate misunderstanding, lack of listening and shutting down reasoning.
See the other 1,729,625 cheating threads for details
OK I forgot you were a licensed psychiatrist
Last I checked people are allowed to post threads about whatever they want. If I want to use this platform to gain some sort of insight that might be able to help me then who are you to decide that's not okay? I didn't even bring up my personal feelings until you prompted me to.
Maybe it is you who feels uneasy about what you are doing and so are feeling the need to justify yourself across all 1,729,625 of those threads. "
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"I think they are so used to justifying their behaviour it's like an automatic reflex now. I don't care about the reasons tbh.
What would also be interesting to know is how do you stop someone cheating on you? How do you keep someone happy while also keeping yourself happy? Is it fair to expect someone to meet all your needs without considering their own?
Sounds like you’ve already got all the answers which is why you don’t need to listen to others.
I think there’s some value in renaming these threads “I’ve experienced adultery, it really hurt, can I have some support please”
Then you’d get what you actually need instead of jumping to conclusions about others which don’t matter to you.
Actually I've never experienced adultery. I've never been in a relationship. Who's jumping to conclusions now?
I ask because I'm terrified of ever getting into a relationship after having been on fab and seeing the amount of cheating that's going on. Seeing all the different reasons, from the understandable ones I can symphatise with to the downright ludicrous. I've just been PMd by someone who says he's cheating because he and his wife work different shift patterns. How is anybody meant to be able to feel secure in a relationship when people are able to justify their actions so easily?
I didn't want this to turn into a cheating-bashing thread. But honestly I think being on here and seeing it from all sides has scarred me beyond belief. It's always going to be in the back of my mind no matter who I end up with.
I mentioned it because you said your father did it.
No conclusions jumped to at all but I think it would help you to work through the feelings and anxieties and accusing people on here isn’t the way
What happened with my dad took place before my fab days and I just thought he was a dick, which he is.
I didn't know how common it was so my experience with that isn't where these feelings have come from.
Also, his situation was incredibly different from any I have heard on here. I don't think I will ever hear a similar story for the rest of my life. I will never be in a situation where my partner will have the same reasons as he did, but it is very likely I will get cheated on for some of the reasons mentioned here without even knowing there was ever a problem.
As I said, if you’re after this being resolved for _your_ feelings and worries, this isn’t the way to work through it.
This just reinforces deliberate misunderstanding, lack of listening and shutting down reasoning.
See the other 1,729,625 cheating threads for details
OK I forgot you were a licensed psychiatrist
Last I checked people are allowed to post threads about whatever they want. If I want to use this platform to gain some sort of insight that might be able to help me then who are you to decide that's not okay? I didn't even bring up my personal feelings until you prompted me to.
Maybe it is you who feels uneasy about what you are doing and so are feeling the need to justify yourself across all 1,729,625 of those threads. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think most people cheat because of problems at home x think of all the people who are in a sexless marriage. I think that once you cheat and things got better at home you would still cheat x a leopard never changes it's spots "
Not so convinced about that tbh.
There are people who are serial cheats no matter how good things are at home. I think it's an internal thing in them, constant need for validation that they are attractive, desirable and can do it. Often they are very competitive and bad losers, self esteem is low and always looking for the next big thing. It's not just as simple as it being because there's no sex at home or there are problems at home, not when you dig beneath the surface. It's easier for them to say they aren't getting it at home, takes the blame off them and puts it on to the unsuspecting partner. |
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"Also, his situation was incredibly different from any I have heard on here. I don't think I will ever hear a similar story for the rest of my life. I will never be in a situation where my partner will have the same reasons as he did, but it is very likely I will get cheated on for some of the reasons mentioned here without even knowing there was ever a problem. "
I would tentatively suggest that you're on the wrong site here....
And if you go on torturing yourself with these thoughts as and when you do meet someone you'll either drive them away again with your suspicions or watch it become a self-fulfilling prophecy |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Also, his situation was incredibly different from any I have heard on here. I don't think I will ever hear a similar story for the rest of my life. I will never be in a situation where my partner will have the same reasons as he did, but it is very likely I will get cheated on for some of the reasons mentioned here without even knowing there was ever a problem.
I would tentatively suggest that you're on the wrong site here....
And if you go on torturing yourself with these thoughts as and when you do meet someone you'll either drive them away again with your suspicions or watch it become a self-fulfilling prophecy "
And why exactly am I on the wrong site? At what point have I mentioned my intention behind using this site for you to come up with that conclusion? |
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By *rouble1998Woman
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
I personally wouldn’t knowingly get involved with someone who was cheating on their partner.
Having been cheated on before it’s not something if ever want to facilitate.
However, I think cheating and swinging is inherently different. If you have your partners permission then knock yourself out it’s the deceit and dishonesty I have a problem with |
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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago
Wakefield |
"It is a fact that married couples who swing even with partners permission are cheats if they have sex with another person, as in the vow of 'Forsaking All Others' Monogamy is cited in law for legal grounds for divorce."
There was nothing in our civil marriage requiring us to forsake all others.
We have had sex with other people all through our marriage, for us it is nothing to do with cheating but the pleasure of seeing our partner enjoying themself. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It is a fact that married couples who swing even with partners permission are cheats if they have sex with another person, as in the vow of 'Forsaking All Others' Monogamy is cited in law for legal grounds for divorce.
There was nothing in our civil marriage requiring us to forsake all others.
We have had sex with other people all through our marriage, for us it is nothing to do with cheating but the pleasure of seeing our partner enjoying themself."
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I definitely wouldn't class me or my as cheaters as we know what the other does. Divorce law may say 1 thing but a couple can have their own agreed rules. As long as everyone involved knows then there shouldn't be a problem. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I did post this in another current thread about cheating but nobody answered it so thought I'd start my own thread
I'm curious to know of those who are cheating:
1) do you genuinely feel the problems in your relationship are only due to lack of sex? If you started having sex again would that solve everything?
2) if you started having sex again would you get off fab and stop cheating?
This isn't a thread to bash or judge. While I don't condone cheating I'm not looking to have a go at people for it. I'm just genuinely curious. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I cheated out would be for fantasy fulfilment. We have a wonderful sex life but I would like to experience more. I have no desire to leave my wife and no strings only for me.
"
Would your wife also be able to have the freedom of experimenting with no strings sex? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There are different types of cheating too.
I imagine it's a mental stimulation thing.
I never cheated physically but did emotionally by having fantasies and exchanging images online.
Wife was destroyed by this, which was never my intent.
Some serial cheaters can't stop, it's a compulsion and they find a bullshit way to justify it in their heads to make it through the night.
Others simply don't care for the feelings of others. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think sex is the only driver to cause someone to stray
Most attached people I've come across on here though have said that they're straying due to lack of sex. So I wanted to know if the sex came back to their relationship would they stop cheating? "
So possibly they're the best people for you to ask that question |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It is a fact that married couples who swing even with partners permission are cheats if they have sex with another person, as in the vow of 'Forsaking All Others' Monogamy is cited in law for legal grounds for divorce."
THANK YOU!
first time I've ever seen my thoughts without me typing...
Bottom line is who do you ask...
Well not the vanilla folk who aren't on Fab lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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my first husband for 7 years drank. Kept all the money including the unemployment benefit for us both. He claimed that it was he who signed on so it was hes money.i had the family allowence for my daughter to live on. He cheated. Left me in a pub to see a d*unk woman home. Those are just a few of what he did. I had an affair towards the end of my marriage. I then toughned up threw my cheating ex out. He never changed but i did. Am not soft anymore. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think sex is the only driver to cause someone to stray.
When I was married we had sex. It wasn't my motivator.
Sex or sexual compatibility might be one reason but there's a whole host of others.
Some people also may just do it because they want to and they can.
Most attached people I've come across on here though have said that they're straying due to lack of sex. So I wanted to know if the sex came back to their relationship would they stop cheating? "
Ive seen a married guy for three years! Not sure if my opinion would matter......
Starts with lack of sex, then so much more scrutinised and missing too....
My married other, leaves his wife at some point in the next two days or so....
In my opinion about time.
Gotta take the leap of faith! |
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In the days when I was cheating, no a lack of sex was far from the only problem but it certainly was one. The main problem was she was a horrible person.
I went swinging to get sex. If sex was available at home then no I would not have been on Fab.
Fortunately I am with a different partner now and things are a whole lot better.
Luke |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Since having the menopause my wife is much less interested in sex, because of this I have sought safe pleasure elsewhere on Fab. I haven't actually cheated yet as it has proven difficult to find someone willing to wear condoms for oral.
Have you thought about supporting your wife through her menopause? Vow ‘in sickness and in health’. So someone wearing a condom is you not cheating or have I mis read that?
I think you've misread that yes.
If a woman doesn't fancy her man anymore so won't fuck him what else is he supposed to do?
He didn't sign up to become a monk. He's worked all his life to provide a nice safe home for her and now she turns her back on him while fucking younger guys when he's at work providing
Well the question is why doesn’t the woman fancy her man any more? There is a reason, he takes her for granted, he doesn’t help in the house or with the kids, he pays no attention, he is crap in bed! So that’s when communication should start! Talk to each other! Sorry to hear she f****d younger guys while you were working. Clearly there were issues but could they have been sorted with communication?"
There's this side too... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think most people cheat because of problems at home x think of all the people who are in a sexless marriage. I think that once you cheat and things got better at home you would still cheat x a leopard never changes it's spots
Not so convinced about that tbh.
There are people who are serial cheats no matter how good things are at home. I think it's an internal thing in them, constant need for validation that they are attractive, desirable and can do it. Often they are very competitive and bad losers, self esteem is low and always looking for the next big thing. It's not just as simple as it being because there's no sex at home or there are problems at home, not when you dig beneath the surface. It's easier for them to say they aren't getting it at home, takes the blame off them and puts it on to the unsuspecting partner. "
Love this x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Had a married guy working on a project forever boasting of his sexual exploits..was fed up of hearing of it one day so got sarcastic..asked if his wife liked sex...boasting he turned round and said of course she does. So simply asked if your always out with other women then who is she having the sex she likes with...he thought for a bit got morose and left work early...came back to work several days later devestated, apparently arrived home early and found his wife with her lover.. |
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By *shantyWoman
over a year ago
Folkestone |
"It's an interesting question. I knew an old girlfriend was cheating and I actually quite liked it. I thought we could have fun with it but instead of embracing it, she kept doing it and kept it to herself. I asked her about it and she kept lying. People lie but she was compulsive and it was living in a fantasy world. If she was honest it could have worked. I don't think you need to be exclusive to each other to have a successful relationship but trust is a must."
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"My views on cheating are a bit different. I enjoy married/attached men as well as single men. I don't judge anyone. Everyone has their circumstances.
In my view the biggest reason for cheating is simple - monogamy is unnatural. Reasons are given labels ("not enough sex" or "he/she doesn't respect/value me" or "he/she nags/is abusive" etc etc) but those are just crutches. Fact is it's not natural for humans to have sex with only one partner for 40-50 years - otherwise extramarital sex would have died an evolutionary death. Being EMOTIONALLY monogamous on the other hand is natural although I do feel a person can love more than one person.
Hence, extramarital sex is rampant among us humans."
This |
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"My views on cheating are a bit different. I enjoy married/attached men as well as single men. I don't judge anyone. Everyone has their circumstances.
In my view the biggest reason for cheating is simple - monogamy is unnatural. Reasons are given labels ("not enough sex" or "he/she doesn't respect/value me" or "he/she nags/is abusive" etc etc) but those are just crutches. Fact is it's not natural for humans to have sex with only one partner for 40-50 years - otherwise extramarital sex would have died an evolutionary death. Being EMOTIONALLY monogamous on the other hand is natural although I do feel a person can love more than one person.
Hence, extramarital sex is rampant among us humans.
This"
Also it can be as simple as not having the raw sexual attraction you need to feel for your partner. Whilst other aspects still being great |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My views on cheating are a bit different. I enjoy married/attached men as well as single men. I don't judge anyone. Everyone has their circumstances.
In my view the biggest reason for cheating is simple - monogamy is unnatural. Reasons are given labels ("not enough sex" or "he/she doesn't respect/value me" or "he/she nags/is abusive" etc etc) but those are just crutches. Fact is it's not natural for humans to have sex with only one partner for 40-50 years - otherwise extramarital sex would have died an evolutionary death. Being EMOTIONALLY monogamous on the other hand is natural although I do feel a person can love more than one person.
Hence, extramarital sex is rampant among us humans.
This
Also it can be as simple as not having the raw sexual attraction you need to feel for your partner. Whilst other aspects still being great "
Well.said..and spot on |
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I will tell you about my experience with my boyfriend now.
We went to party together and he knows and I do thst we both love sex with each other.
But at a party there was a couple there and John instantly liked her and her him. Both of them fucked for over 2 years with out me or him knowing John stayed with me but he eoukd have left me for her he said it was the horny feeling with her |
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"I personally wouldn’t knowingly get involved with someone who was cheating on their partner.
Having been cheated on before it’s not something if ever want to facilitate.
However, I think cheating and swinging is inherently different. If you have your partners permission then knock yourself out it’s the deceit and dishonesty I have a problem with "
Exactly this. Especially when every opportunity is given to be honest. Sadly for many they still continue with the deceit not caring about the consequences as it becomes almost an addiction and the norm for them |
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"I think most people cheat because of problems at home x think of all the people who are in a sexless marriage. I think that once you cheat and things got better at home you would still cheat x a leopard never changes it's spots "
I know people that have cheated got together and been married for years and never cheated again! |
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