FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > People not replying
People not replying
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Is it really that hard to not reply to people.... ? Even if it’s a polite no thank you.... can be quite depressing on here lately, You try hard on profile outlining what your into and after, include pictures, only to be ignored by majority of people you send a message too. Don’t mind me I’m having a grumpy day hahaha
Just wondered if there were any thoughts on this....? I may have set myself up for verbal hammering here I know. |
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"Is it really that hard to not reply to people.... ? Even if it’s a polite no thank you.... can be quite depressing on here lately, You try hard on profile outlining what your into and after, include pictures, only to be ignored by majority of people you send a message too. Don’t mind me I’m having a grumpy day hahaha
Just wondered if there were any thoughts on this....? I may have set myself up for verbal hammering here I know. "
You must remember that your message is likely to be one of many maybe even hundreds that a woman on fab receives. How long do you think it takes to look through all messages and answer every one of them? |
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"Is it really that hard to not reply to people.... ? Even if it’s a polite no thank you.... can be quite depressing on here lately, You try hard on profile outlining what your into and after, include pictures, only to be ignored by majority of people you send a message too. Don’t mind me I’m having a grumpy day hahaha
Just wondered if there were any thoughts on this....? I may have set myself up for verbal hammering here I know.
You must remember that your message is likely to be one of many maybe even hundreds that a woman on fab receives. How long do you think it takes to look through all messages and answer every one of them? "
Of course, I do understand that... it’s just me having a bad day I think... and after 10/20 messages and none replied too... ego taken a hit today   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I replied so many start being abusive.
It ends up like a bad fab tennis game and end up reporting n blocking.. Don't need that hassle.. So blanket response is a delete.
Sorry to the nice ones out there.. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"No reply IS a polite no thank you. A bit like applying for a job, you may have to apply for 20 to get an interview. Except all the companies you apply to will probably be genuine."
If I were a single guy, knowing the amount of mail single female and couples get, I’d wonder what if the missed it, no harm in trying again , I’d resend a few times until I got a reply. I’ve done it with CV when I was a kid and it worked several times |
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"I get lots of messages daily and I try to reply all who have put some effort in , even if it's a thanks but no thanks reply , I can't often reply as quickly as some may like but I try my best  "
Yes I like this this answer.... there is a lot of us that work hard trying to come across as positive and compose proper message and not like many of the cranks on here, but equally I understand that many people will be inundated with messages so can’t reply to all... |
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I do understand your frustration mate... I just became very selective with who I messaged and that seemed to do the job. You got to remember the ratio of men to women is probably 100:1 so it’s hard work out here for us haha |
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"I do understand your frustration mate... I just became very selective with who I messaged and that seemed to do the job. You got to remember the ratio of men to women is probably 100:1 so it’s hard work out here for us haha"
Yea of course the ratios are crazy... I have tried to be selective as well, because in past that has worked nicely... here’s hoping for us all.... but in fairness some good feedback there for myself... |
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"No reply IS a polite no thank you. A bit like applying for a job, you may have to apply for 20 to get an interview. Except all the companies you apply to will probably be genuine.
If I were a single guy, knowing the amount of mail single female and couples get, I’d wonder what if the missed it, no harm in trying again , I’d resend a few times until I got a reply. I’ve done it with CV when I was a kid and it worked several times "
Yes I have followed up on a few, sometimes works... sometimes not... |
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"I do understand your frustration mate... I just became very selective with who I messaged and that seemed to do the job. You got to remember the ratio of men to women is probably 100:1 so it’s hard work out here for us haha
Yea of course the ratios are crazy... I have tried to be selective as well, because in past that has worked nicely... here’s hoping for us all.... but in fairness some good feedback there for myself... "
Tbh other then the forums fab is a little quite at the moment (so it should be)... I’m guess when this is all over it will pick up again and you’ll see the difference. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When I replied so many start being abusive.
It ends up like a bad fab tennis game and end up reporting n blocking.. Don't need that hassle.. So blanket response is a delete.
Sorry to the nice ones out there.. "
Ye same here. I try to reply if put some effort in. Then get abuse back so end up blocking. We cant win either way |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP delete the messages after you send them. That way you wont know if they've been read or deleted etc. If you get a reply its a positive otherwise as you've deleted the sent message it wont be on your mind..... |
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"When I replied so many start being abusive.
It ends up like a bad fab tennis game and end up reporting n blocking.. Don't need that hassle.. So blanket response is a delete.
Sorry to the nice ones out there..
Ye same here. I try to reply if put some effort in. Then get abuse back so end up blocking. We cant win either way "
Defo a lot of guys on here let the good ones down sadly.  |
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"OP delete the messages after you send them. That way you wont know if they've been read or deleted etc. If you get a reply its a positive otherwise as you've deleted the sent message it wont be on your mind....."
Good advice.... I like your thinking |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nobody is obliged to reply to anyone on here.
Take the no reply is a polite “no thank you”.
When responding with “no thank you” it can often lead to abuse or others pushing or conversation so many of us just don’t bother anymore.
Don’t take it to heart. It’s not personal. |
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"Make sure to read their profile carefully to see if you're what they're looking for."
I have done the homework... I do only message people that I may have something in common with in terms of interests on here. |
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"Nobody is obliged to reply to anyone on here.
Take the no reply is a polite “no thank you”.
When responding with “no thank you” it can often lead to abuse or others pushing or conversation so many of us just don’t bother anymore.
Understood
Don’t take it to heart. It’s not personal. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Make sure to read their profile carefully to see if you're what they're looking for.
I have done the homework... I do only message people that I may have something in common with in terms of interests on here. "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Site rules, no response is a no thank you.
People sending more messages when I haven't even had time to read their first, (and adding again to the pile,) get blocked "
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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago
Shrewsbury |
"Is it really that hard to not reply to people.... ? Even if it’s a polite no thank you.... can be quite depressing on here lately, You try hard on profile outlining what your into and after, include pictures, only to be ignored by majority of people you send a message too. Don’t mind me I’m having a grumpy day hahaha
Just wondered if there were any thoughts on this....? I may have set myself up for verbal hammering here I know.
You must remember that your message is likely to be one of many maybe even hundreds that a woman on fab receives. How long do you think it takes to look through all messages and answer every one of them?
Of course, I do understand that... it’s just me having a bad day I think... and after 10/20 messages and none replied too... ego taken a hit today "
.
This is not imo place for an ego boost sorry.
Mine the female was never great and here hasn't helped! |
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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago
Chippenham Malmesbury area |
My take on it is that it was my choice to message and it's their choice to reply or not. No point in getting upset about not receiving a response; no reply speaks louder than words.
I send a message then delete it so that I don't check to see if it's been read or not; it's best just to forget about it. A response is always great though. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"
Defo a lot of guys on here let the good ones down sadly. "
But they don't - the *only* person that let's me down on here is me - how others act have no impact on my experience of the site really - in fact there is a train of thought that some of the abusive guys on here actually make it easier for the "good guys" - I don't particularly believe in that either, but it is another perspective that counters your suggestion.
Simple fact is though that you need to focus on what *you* are doing and not worry about others - present the best possible version of yourself, get your attitude, approach and expectations right and it won't guarantee a thing, but it will improve your experience and feelings about the site generally.
Couple of things I would say having read your posts here and taken a peek at your profile - if you're sending 10-20 unsolicited messages to people a day, it would say to me that you're not being selective and have adopted a scatter gun, "if I can get just one reply it'll be a good thing" approach which may not be helping your cause. Your profile also indicates you're looking for something quite specific which may not be to everyone's taste, so that will limit your chances further - now there's nothing wrong with looking for that at all, and you shouldn't compromise that for the sake of getting a reply, but with it has to come a level of acceptance that it won't be for everyone.
Consider too that sending blind messages isn't the *only* way to get talking to people - the forums and chat rooms are a great tool that allow you to get to know people a little before instigating messages so give some thought to those as an approach too.
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Simply takes too much time to reply to all - and that’s not being big headed it’s just fact.
If I reply no etc I get another message or abuse, if I ignore I get called an ignorant bitch. Can’t win.
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By *tellyMan
over a year ago
Denton |
Tell you what it annoys me too! But agree with the others just BLOCK them.
One lad winked me, I winked him. I sent him a message, he replied. Then I sent another message, then he viewed my profile twice and left me on unread. I get it if you’re not interested but they should have the decency to block or just say no thanks, it’s really that simple. Even worse when they show interest at first. The lad literally kept viewing my profile and left me on unread.
That kind of attitude will come back to hit them one day. Karma! |
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"Is it really that hard to not reply to people.... ? Even if it’s a polite no thank you.... can be quite depressing on here lately, You try hard on profile outlining what your into and after, include pictures, only to be ignored by majority of people you send a message too. Don’t mind me I’m having a grumpy day hahaha
Just wondered if there were any thoughts on this....? I may have set myself up for verbal hammering here I know.
You must remember that your message is likely to be one of many maybe even hundreds that a woman on fab receives. How long do you think it takes to look through all messages and answer every one of them?
Of course, I do understand that... it’s just me having a bad day I think... and after 10/20 messages and none replied too... ego taken a hit today .
This is not imo place for an ego boost sorry.
Mine the female was never great and here hasn't helped! "
So I’ve learned  |
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Use the private notes on the profiles that you send messages to, Only you see them,
Things like, Didn't reply, dates you sent messages, The message you sent or if they do reply what they said, It might help you decide if you want to send another message to them in the future,
Saves blocking them as they might not have seen your messgage |
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"
Defo a lot of guys on here let the good ones down sadly.
But they don't - the *only* person that let's me down on here is me - how others act have no impact on my experience of the site really - in fact there is a train of thought that some of the abusive guys on here actually make it easier for the "good guys" - I don't particularly believe in that either, but it is another perspective that counters your suggestion.
Simple fact is though that you need to focus on what *you* are doing and not worry about others - present the best possible version of yourself, get your attitude, approach and expectations right and it won't guarantee a thing, but it will improve your experience and feelings about the site generally.
Couple of things I would say having read your posts here and taken a peek at your profile - if you're sending 10-20 unsolicited messages to people a day, it would say to me that you're not being selective and have adopted a scatter gun, "if I can get just one reply it'll be a good thing" approach which may not be helping your cause. Your profile also indicates you're looking for something quite specific which may not be to everyone's taste, so that will limit your chances further - now there's nothing wrong with looking for that at all, and you shouldn't compromise that for the sake of getting a reply, but with it has to come a level of acceptance that it won't be for everyone.
Consider too that sending blind messages isn't the *only* way to get talking to people - the forums and chat rooms are a great tool that allow you to get to know people a little before instigating messages so give some thought to those as an approach too.
Thanks for this, has helped. I havnt sent 10/20 today haha it has been over course of week or so... I have done my homework and yes I’m looking for something quite particular and have only messaged people who I feel it would relate too......I’ve been careful not too use the “scatter gun” approach... but thanks for replying, it’s appreciated.
"
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By *tellyMan
over a year ago
Denton |
"Use the private notes on the profiles that you send messages to, Only you see them,
Things like, Didn't reply, dates you sent messages, The message you sent or if they do reply what they said, It might help you decide if you want to send another message to them in the future,
Saves blocking them as they might not have seen your messgage "
Love your username btw. This has given me a great idea! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We will reply if effort has been put into the message if its,
" I'd fuck your wife"
"like my cock?"
"Nice tits"
We just delete them same when it's a blatant copy and paste message that gets sent to every one they message.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No reply IS a polite no thank you. A bit like applying for a job, you may have to apply for 20 to get an interview. Except all the companies you apply to will probably be genuine."
This + if you’re hassling couples who aren’t looking for single guys you’re unlikely to get any response |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We will reply if effort has been put into the message if its,
" I'd fuck your wife"
"like my cock?"
"Nice tits"
We just delete them same when it's a blatant copy and paste message that gets sent to every one they message.
"
These.
Plus one we got today simply saying
I would ruin her.
Straight to blocked
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We get messages from single guys, even though we ain’t looking for them. An as said before if you reply with a no thanks or some other polite decline of their advances, they get abusive or question the fact that you don’t know what your missing.
Sorry, but if you can’t read and digest some basic info in someone’s bio then your setting yourself for disappointment when you get no reply. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a single guy you just have to understand that couples and single women get bombarded with mails from men - no way can we expect them to answer every one.
We need to hope that somehow our chat in the chat room or in the forum posts makes us interesting so that we can start a dialogue.
Don’t get upset if there is no reply - get happy when there is one as it means you have got over the first high hurdle
How you appear from there is most crucial  |
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Single men are in excessive abundance here, with ever greater numbers who have not met others for months. Existing users already have lots of friends and others who have been vetted according to the mutual preferences of each party. Lots of people in an orderly queue, but people are not meeting or advertising for quick meets. Uninvited requests to converse fill up an overflowing inbox.Everyone joining the site got the same site detailed advice - no reply = no interest.
If op gets uninvited letters at home or his email account, he would not realistically reply to them,especially if they were sent with the cover that no reply equals no interest.
Most people get unsuitable users messaging them, often they don't read profile instructions.
It's tough for single men here. You must adjust to this world, not expect like King Cnut to get the world to change for you, making the tides turn.
It won't be for everyone here. |
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Reminder female call the shot on fab.This is the culture here.No need bothering writing email. You need to be frequent in clubs or swing parties. That is the way to meet on Fab. Email won't do it.
Personally I don't do verifications. |
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"Site rules, no response is a no thank you.
People sending more messages when I haven't even had time to read their first, (and adding again to the pile,) get blocked "
1000% to this, anyone who sends a second message without getting a response has ignored the Fabs warning to stop and think ... That says they are pushy, and for most people pushiness is very unattractive. |
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By *nnnikCouple
over a year ago
Walsall |
"Is it really that hard to not reply to people.... ? Even if it’s a polite no thank you.... can be quite depressing on here lately, You try hard on profile outlining what your into and after, include pictures, only to be ignored by majority of people you send a message too. Don’t mind me I’m having a grumpy day hahaha
Just wondered if there were any thoughts on this....? I may have set myself up for verbal hammering here I know. "
Swingers site maybe you want a dating site, the world owes you nothing... Nik |
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By *nnnikCouple
over a year ago
Walsall |
"No reply IS a polite no thank you. A bit like applying for a job, you may have to apply for 20 to get an interview. Except all the companies you apply to will probably be genuine.
If I were a single guy, knowing the amount of mail single female and couples get, I’d wonder what if the missed it, no harm in trying again , I’d resend a few times until I got a reply. I’ve done it with CV when I was a kid and it worked several times "
only need one message if we get a second you get blocked. Ignorance isn't a likeable trait.. Nik |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No one on here is obligated to reply to anything. If we replied to everyone we wouldn't have to time to actually message the people we want to. "
So many good points in this thread..
A large percentage of Received mail is essentially effortless therefore my time will only be given to messages or profiles which catch my eye.
I, like many others only devote a limited amount of time to Fab which makes it impossible to reply to everyone so I will have no inclination to do so if the sender has put no effort in, However on the occasions I have politely declined pushiness and even abuse ensues.
Maybe a change of approach is needed OP  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Even a ‘no comment’ reply would be nice
And that gets followed up with " but why?"  "
This all day long.. Then the excuses come namely "I am bi I just don't advertise it on here, because my neighbours uncles step daughter is on here" |
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I try to reply to what I can even to say no thanks but sometimes you wonder if its worth it because you can either get an "Aww please Where's the harm in keep chasing, you might grow to like me" or a "well I wouldn't shaft you anyways you munter" so sometimes you try to be free and it's not worth it. After a while you hwang up bulk delete because replying 2 weeks later is no good. No one is going to wait that long for a reply |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is it really that hard to not reply to people.... ? Even if it’s a polite no thank you.... can be quite depressing on here lately, You try hard on profile outlining what your into and after, include pictures, only to be ignored by majority of people you send a message too. Don’t mind me I’m having a grumpy day hahaha
Just wondered if there were any thoughts on this....? I may have set myself up for verbal hammering here I know. "
just keep bashing one out you'll get there in the end  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No one on here is obligated to reply to anything. If we replied to everyone we wouldn't have to time to actually message the people we want to. "
Agreed, personally we don’t have time to reply to everyone and when we choose to delete a message it means we’re not interested, as per fab faq, we may change our mind but anyone saying why don’t you try again, please don’t try again with us. Repeat messages get a block, which would not help your ego Mike, in the slightest.
We tried to reply to all messages with a ty x and it ended up being more hassle than it’s worth for us as we spoke to people we didn’t want to speak to and then others that we did want to speak to got left behind. We don’t have time so concentrate on people who have profiles we like.
We have always looked at profiles and if we don’t like, we delete the message.
I was curious as to what your profile is like mike, so that I could offer an opinion as to why you’re being turned away. For me, your profile is too specific, you like a lot of things that a lot of people will say aw, not for me.
I agree with the cv comments it’s like applying for a job, apart from you are in control of your cv and people want square pegs for square holes. No one is looking for a round peg that might fit.
You’re profile is very round peg for a lot of people to be honest. I’m only trying to be honest here as per an observation. |
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We generally read s persons profile before deciding whether to reply or not some women or couples you are messaging are getting literally hundreds of messages a day they can't reply to everyone or would need to hire a fab secretary |
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