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Poly 3rd person Interest
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After swinging for a number of years, I am being drawn to a strong desire for a Polyamorous relationship with a couple or singles with true openness and freedom but also physical and emotional connection and friendship
Anyone else GENUINELY seeking this when lockdown ends - or got this ?
Let’s start a discussion ....... OR if you are in Yorks or Cumbria and seeking, pm me |
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Always an interesting idea but the practicalities are very difficult work out.
So many dynamics going on and getting the balance right will require a lot of work by all parties.
Good luck with your search, hope it happens for you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A bloke at college years ago was married with children and 3 nights a week would stay at his girlfriends house. Everyone involved knew and was happy (so he says). Until then I’d never heard of poly relationships and couldn’t wrap my head around it haha but it does sound intriguing... |
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"After swinging for a number of years, I am being drawn to a strong desire for a Polyamorous relationship with a couple or singles with true openness and freedom but also physical and emotional connection and friendship
Anyone else GENUINELY seeking this when lockdown ends - or got this ?
Let’s start a discussion ....... OR if you are in Yorks or Cumbria and seeking, pm me"
Why not have an exclusive relationship with a Woman? A Girlfriend or Wife? You get to live with them, sleep with them, hug them in bed. Many have swinging relationships, we do and it's amazing. But so many cross the line and it's not worked, we've seen so many split up. We would definitely recommend having an exclusive relationship and if swinging is involved, then all the better.  |
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"After swinging for a number of years, I am being drawn to a strong desire for a Polyamorous relationship with a couple or singles with true openness and freedom but also physical and emotional connection and friendship
Anyone else GENUINELY seeking this when lockdown ends - or got this ?
Let’s start a discussion ....... OR if you are in Yorks or Cumbria and seeking, pm me Why not have an exclusive relationship with a Woman? A Girlfriend or Wife? You get to live with them, sleep with them, hug them in bed. Many have swinging relationships, we do and it's amazing. But so many cross the line and it's not worked, we've seen so many split up. We would definitely recommend having an exclusive relationship and if swinging is involved, then all the better. "
Excuse my ignorance, I thought poly relationship is where the man loves both women? They share each others time? Rather than swingers who love each other and allow third person to have sex with? |
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"After swinging for a number of years, I am being drawn to a strong desire for a Polyamorous relationship with a couple or singles with true openness and freedom but also physical and emotional connection and friendship
Anyone else GENUINELY seeking this when lockdown ends - or got this ?
Let’s start a discussion ....... OR if you are in Yorks or Cumbria and seeking, pm me Why not have an exclusive relationship with a Woman? A Girlfriend or Wife? You get to live with them, sleep with them, hug them in bed. Many have swinging relationships, we do and it's amazing. But so many cross the line and it's not worked, we've seen so many split up. We would definitely recommend having an exclusive relationship and if swinging is involved, then all the better.
Excuse my ignorance, I thought poly relationship is where the man loves both women? They share each others time? Rather than swingers who love each other and allow third person to have sex with? "
Louis Theroux did a great documentary on polyamory, I think it's still on iPlayer. It was mainly one woman two men relationships. I have to say, usually one of the guys looked really sad. But jasminegirthlover is right, it's like a marriage with three or more people in it. |
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"Has anyone watched Trigonometry on the tv...a very good watch..one giu two women...all play together and in any combination."
Yes loved this series, thought it was very well done, showing the pitfalls as well as the good bits. Mrs H |
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By *odgerMan
over a year ago
Coventry(ish)London |
"Has anyone watched Trigonometry on the tv...a very good watch..one giu two women...all play together and in any combination.
Yes loved this series, thought it was very well done, showing the pitfalls as well as the good bits. Mrs H"
It was well done...should have put it on later and showed the action more  |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"Something we're interested in but it's getting another couple on board, not as easy as you may think to even get interest never mind make it work.
"
Once emotions get involved I can’t see it working , even regular FWB couples seem to run there course if you see them too much |
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Yes, I've been poly over a decade and run the London Poly meetups. I know the lady who runs Yorkshire poly group, do feel free to pm me if you want to know more about that.
I'm legally married to my wife of 22 years who I live with. I was also handfasted to another woman in a Pagan wedding ceremony two years ago. Her other husband made her wedding dress and my other wife shopped with her for wedding shoes. Both my wives have other partners and I have another couple of less defined connections. |
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"Something we're interested in but it's getting another couple on board, not as easy as you may think to even get interest never mind make it work.
Once emotions get involved I can’t see it working , even regular FWB couples seem to run there course if you see them too much"
It can work if everone is on board and communicates. I know people who have been in multiple successful stable relationships for 20 years. Personally i had an 8 year relationship that started 11 years into my marriage. It ran its course, ended and I'm still friends with her. It was successful for those 8 years.
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"Yes, I've been poly over a decade and run the London Poly meetups. I know the lady who runs Yorkshire poly group, do feel free to pm me if you want to know more about that.
I'm legally married to my wife of 22 years who I live with. I was also handfasted to another woman in a Pagan wedding ceremony two years ago. Her other husband made her wedding dress and my other wife shopped with her for wedding shoes. Both my wives have other partners and I have another couple of less defined connections. "
I find this subject fascinating and have read 'The Ethical Slut' twice (almost!)... Not sure it is something I would like personally as I find keeping one relationship going a struggle sometimes!! Having said that if you can get different things from different people I guess that can help rather than hinder... Mrs H |
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"Has anyone watched Trigonometry on the tv...a very good watch..one giu two women...all play together and in any combination.
Yes loved this series, thought it was very well done, showing the pitfalls as well as the good bits. Mrs H
It was well done...should have put it on later and showed the action more "
We enjoyed watching this too but hubby was also hoping for a bit more action!
Enjoyed that more than the US one on Netflix - You, Me, Her. That has more of a comedy side and didn't feel as realistic we thought. Still worth a watch though x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Anyone had a poly relationship with another male where the men are gay as well?"
I lived with a bi couple in a polyamorous relationship for just over two years. It obviously had some complications but overall it was amazing |
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By *otgirl32Woman
over a year ago
Ashton Under Lyne |
I can love 2 men at the same time and live with them under one roof, even sleep in the same bed. The perfect situation would be that both men are bisexual and love each other too. Trouble is men get jealous. |
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"There's an unwritten here in France that says you can have a wife and a girlfriend so long as they don't meet.
I believe that People are more accepting of this dynamic than in the UK. "
In the poly community of its encouraged that everyone does at least meet. Often metamours (your partner's partner) end up being friends or at least having civil communication with each other.
Before lockdown I was often out at the local jazz/blues club with my non-resident wife and my Co-husband (her live in husband). It seemed accepted by staff and customers alike. Occasionally my live in wife joined us all. Honestly nobody had issues with it. At the Christmas party The owner, who I've known about 12 years, did ask "so are you lot polyamorous?" and that was the only time it was ever mentioned. |
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So - there seems to be some interest in this and some concerns too - where do we all think a person or couple should start on this journey - how to find the additional person(s) and how to develop the relationships ?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Interesting subject that I'm interested in. Dont know much about it, only thing that concerns me is the emotional side of things. Can you love 2 or more people at the same time. And like most ask how do you find people interested in the same thing . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There is s great series on Netflix about the subject called me him & her  "
Thanks for that. I've added it to the list.
My wife has started a relationship with another man. We are still working through the dynamics. It's a real rollercoaster of emotions.
I'd like to meet a second partner myself but it's not easy. |
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To those curious about where to start and if it's even possible. I can't give web links here but pre-lockdown I ran the London poly meetup group which had purely social meets in pubs attracting 50-70 people per meet plus. I also offered poly coffee which was more aimed at Q&A, intro to poly and peer support for around 30-40 people per meet. These are still being offered as virtual online "meetings", video chats effectively. Though I hate video chat so I leave it in the capable hands of my co-hosts.
There are also practical resources such as the books "The Ethical Slut" and "More Than Two". The latter also has a website.
Do people really do this successfully? Can you be in love with two or more people? Certainly. Not everyone is able to experience emotional love for multiple people and not everyone can find ways to navigate all the feelings but it certainly can work. I know triads (three people all in love with each other) who have lived together 20+ years. Most of the experienced poly folk in the scene have several long term relationships. Jealousy is an issue for many, indeed it's the most common question at poly coffee. But there are ways to work through it, even a widely available jealousy workbook. It's not easy, especially if you've grown up expecting to find "the one" and to be monogamous...if you've bought into those films/dramas where someone has to choose between the two people they like. There's a lot of self-examination and personal growth to do because our culture doesn't give us any scripts for multiple relationships. There are also many different ways to "do poly"...from the situation in Trigonometry (which was really well written and acted, but is actually very uncommon)...to existing couples individually dating others...to people who live on their own dating multiple partners and other formats.
A word on Trigonometry. I personally liked it, as did my live in wife. We empathised with the characters, even if at several points we shouted at the screen "join my group!" or "google polyamory"! It was really well made, from the premise that the main characters got involved without knowing anything about polyamory. They made the mistakes that we made many years ago, worked through the same feelings. Though triads are very uncommon, it was actually quite a realistic representation of how successful triads usually form. So full marks to the BBC for that.
Finally...any questions...my inbox is open. I've been living the poly life fairly openly for over a decade. I've made mistakes, indeed within my extended "polycule" we often remark that between us we've made all the mistakes there are. So there's advice and open ears too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To those curious about where to start and if it's even possible. I can't give web links here but pre-lockdown I ran the London poly meetup group which had purely social meets in pubs attracting 50-70 people per meet plus. I also offered poly coffee which was more aimed at Q&A, intro to poly and peer support for around 30-40 people per meet. These are still being offered as virtual online "meetings", video chats effectively. Though I hate video chat so I leave it in the capable hands of my co-hosts.
There are also practical resources such as the books "The Ethical Slut" and "More Than Two". The latter also has a website.
Do people really do this successfully? Can you be in love with two or more people? Certainly. Not everyone is able to experience emotional love for multiple people and not everyone can find ways to navigate all the feelings but it certainly can work. I know triads (three people all in love with each other) who have lived together 20+ years. Most of the experienced poly folk in the scene have several long term relationships. Jealousy is an issue for many, indeed it's the most common question at poly coffee. But there are ways to work through it, even a widely available jealousy workbook. It's not easy, especially if you've grown up expecting to find "the one" and to be monogamous...if you've bought into those films/dramas where someone has to choose between the two people they like. There's a lot of self-examination and personal growth to do because our culture doesn't give us any scripts for multiple relationships. There are also many different ways to "do poly"...from the situation in Trigonometry (which was really well written and acted, but is actually very uncommon)...to existing couples individually dating others...to people who live on their own dating multiple partners and other formats.
A word on Trigonometry. I personally liked it, as did my live in wife. We empathised with the characters, even if at several points we shouted at the screen "join my group!" or "google polyamory"! It was really well made, from the premise that the main characters got involved without knowing anything about polyamory. They made the mistakes that we made many years ago, worked through the same feelings. Though triads are very uncommon, it was actually quite a realistic representation of how successful triads usually form. So full marks to the BBC for that.
Finally...any questions...my inbox is open. I've been living the poly life fairly openly for over a decade. I've made mistakes, indeed within my extended "polycule" we often remark that between us we've made all the mistakes there are. So there's advice and open ears too."
Insightful, well written and interesting. Thank you. |
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