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Polygamy
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I'm in a poly relationship and dating two men but it's not a three way thing. The men are also dating other women that I'm not romantically or sexually involved with though one is now a good friend. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Any three way love with a woman and two men sharing each other. Have not seen much poly relationships.?"
I was briefly in a relationship with a woman who encouraged me to date a guy at the same time, but she has they final say on who I dated. |
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"I think I would prefer afew close friends with benefits, rather being in long term loving relationship with multiple men. As i still enjoy my freedom "
You can still kiss and get passionate with friends with benefits? You are just not committed to them as much? |
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"Any three way love with a woman and two men sharing each other. Have not seen much poly relationships.?
I was briefly in a relationship with a woman who encouraged me to date a guy at the same time, but she has they final say on who I dated. "
She sounds like a domme relationship rather than poly right? |
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"I think I would prefer afew close friends with benefits, rather being in long term loving relationship with multiple men. As i still enjoy my freedom
You can still kiss and get passionate with friends with benefits? You are just not committed to them as much?"
So you're saying in poly you get everything you desire? No holds bar type of relationship? |
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"I think I would prefer afew close friends with benefits, rather being in long term loving relationship with multiple men. As i still enjoy my freedom
You can still kiss and get passionate with friends with benefits? You are just not committed to them as much?
So you're saying in poly you get everything you desire? No holds bar type of relationship? "
I think some people misunderstand what a poly relationship is about. It's more communal than sexual. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Polyandry
I've had a polyandry relationship with 2 bi guys,it was absoutely fantastic and lasted for quite a while.
Its not all about sex but about a connection, emotionally as well as physically.
I'm seeking this again but it is difficult to find. |
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"I think I would prefer afew close friends with benefits, rather being in long term loving relationship with multiple men. As i still enjoy my freedom
You can still kiss and get passionate with friends with benefits? You are just not committed to them as much?
So you're saying in poly you get everything you desire? No holds bar type of relationship?
I think some people misunderstand what a poly relationship is about. It's more communal than sexual. "
You're right, i don't the definition at all but very interested in finding out |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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we were part of a 3 way relationship with another female, we all lived together for 18 months. We'd all have set together, or me and her or hubby and her. It was a great experience |
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I am polyamorous, I don't really practice polygamy though.
I'm legally married to my wife of 22 years who currently has a couple of lovers.
I'm also married by handfasting to another woman who also has a legal husband.
We all know each other and know about each other but we're not all involved together nor do we all live together. My Co-husband made my fee wedding dress for the handfasting and my legal wife helped my new wife choose her shoes for the day and got her into the dress. |
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"Polyandry
I've had a polyandry relationship with 2 bi guys,it was absoutely fantastic and lasted for quite a while.
Its not all about sex but about a connection, emotionally as well as physically.
I'm seeking this again but it is difficult to find.
Where "
We’re the bi guys in love with each other? |
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Swinging is a type of polyamory
Being poly isn't just one way I suggest googling types of polyamorous relationships there are.
It even includes unknowning partners i.e. cheating.
General rule of thumb for ethical non monogamy / poly relationships is communication, honesty, mutual respect and boundaries discussed.
There's not just the traditional commitment of husbands and wives.
Swinging is noncommittal poly relationships |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We're very interested in the dynamic of this, so thanks OP for the interestingly thread.
However, this is a line we have spoken about and won't cross in our relationship. Jessica is wanting some longer term FWB (quality) in addition to the one night stands, club, group stuff (quantity). We're both happy with her talking to her FWB about either sex or daily life, discussing personal information and issues, kissing, sleeping overnight together, having pet names, texting, camming, etc. But the limits are emotional control, and the relationship no longer being primarily fueled by sex. That's the cut off point for us, when its more about the relationship itself than the sex, or if emotions develop on either side then its time to say goodbye. |
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Err no. Cheating has no place in polyamory. Cheaters are not tolerated at all. Its totally against the basic ethos.
The definition of polyamory is "the ability to have multiple emotional relationships with the knowledge and consent of everyone concerned"
Vs before you ask I lead the team that runs the world's biggest one day conference on polyamory and most of the poly events in London. My metamour knew the woman who invented the word "polyamory" vs has practiced over 20 years.
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"Err no. Cheating has no place in polyamory. Cheaters are not tolerated at all. Its totally against the basic ethos.
The definition of polyamory is "the ability to have multiple emotional relationships with the knowledge and consent of everyone concerned"
Vs before you ask I lead the team that runs the world's biggest one day conference on polyamory and most of the poly events in London. My metamour knew the woman who invented the word "polyamory" vs has practiced over 20 years.
"
I don't agree that cheating is acceptable but it's a form of poly relationships. Denying it and saying it isn't true won't change that.
Just because you don't like it doesn't mean is doesn't exist.
I've been poly since my teens. I've been monogamous to appease others. I've seen all sides of this. But doesn't change an individual's relationship ideals. Polyamory meaning many loves.
Being a cheat just means they don't respect their partners, doesn't mean they arent having poly relationships. Just means they are lying cheating arseholes who are polyamorous
I'm all for ethical non-monogamy and I'm all for cheaters owning up and being honest.
But take for example you can't deny a wife who is absent of knowledge of a mistress or deliberately ignorant of it doesn't make it not poly. You don't get to decide what makes a polyamorous relationship. Definition that is in place does. Ethically or not.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think I would prefer afew close friends with benefits, rather being in long term loving relationship with multiple men. As i still enjoy my freedom "
 |
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"Err no. Cheating has no place in polyamory. Cheaters are not tolerated at all. Its totally against the basic ethos.
The definition of polyamory is "the ability to have multiple emotional relationships with the knowledge and consent of everyone concerned"
Vs before you ask I lead the team that runs the world's biggest one day conference on polyamory and most of the poly events in London. My metamour knew the woman who invented the word "polyamory" vs has practiced over 20 years.
I don't agree that cheating is acceptable but it's a form of poly relationships. Denying it and saying it isn't true won't change that.
Just because you don't like it doesn't mean is doesn't exist.
I've been poly since my teens. I've been monogamous to appease others. I've seen all sides of this. But doesn't change an individual's relationship ideals. Polyamory meaning many loves.
Being a cheat just means they don't respect their partners, doesn't mean they arent having poly relationships. Just means they are lying cheating arseholes who are polyamorous
I'm all for ethical non-monogamy and I'm all for cheaters owning up and being honest.
But take for example you can't deny a wife who is absent of knowledge of a mistress or deliberately ignorant of it doesn't make it not poly. You don't get to decide what makes a polyamorous relationship. Definition that is in place does. Ethically or not.
"
Polyamorous people can cheat, just as monogamous people can but cheating isn't polyamory by any definition of the word I've ever seen.
Cheating is a form of unethical non-monogamy. Swinging on the other hand is a form of ethical non-monogamy but is not polyamory. |
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The guy I dated was one of the lovers of a married woman. He said he was in a poly relationship where he could see who ever he liked and had multiple lovers but this married woman was his regular partner. I was just so confused.  |
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"Err no. Cheating has no place in polyamory. Cheaters are not tolerated at all. Its totally against the basic ethos.
The definition of polyamory is "the ability to have multiple emotional relationships with the knowledge and consent of everyone concerned"
Vs before you ask I lead the team that runs the world's biggest one day conference on polyamory and most of the poly events in London. My metamour knew the woman who invented the word "polyamory" vs has practiced over 20 years.
I don't agree that cheating is acceptable but it's a form of poly relationships. Denying it and saying it isn't true won't change that.
Just because you don't like it doesn't mean is doesn't exist.
I've been poly since my teens. I've been monogamous to appease others. I've seen all sides of this. But doesn't change an individual's relationship ideals. Polyamory meaning many loves.
Being a cheat just means they don't respect their partners, doesn't mean they arent having poly relationships. Just means they are lying cheating arseholes who are polyamorous
I'm all for ethical non-monogamy and I'm all for cheaters owning up and being honest.
But take for example you can't deny a wife who is absent of knowledge of a mistress or deliberately ignorant of it doesn't make it not poly. You don't get to decide what makes a polyamorous relationship. Definition that is in place does. Ethically or not.
Polyamorous people can cheat, just as monogamous people can but cheating isn't polyamory by any definition of the word I've ever seen.
Cheating is a form of unethical non-monogamy. Swinging on the other hand is a form of ethical non-monogamy but is not polyamory. "
See that's your opinion and to think that a person who cheats is monogamous.... Well that's your opinion even if skewed.
Thinking that all relationships involve love is also skewed. Many marriages aren't based on love at all.
You're defining everyone's relationships by your own opinion.
That thinking swinging isn't a type of poly relationship when clearly most people require an attraction or connection for someone to have sex with them.
Otherwise people wouldn't care who they had sex with its just fucking.
Just because they aren't saying let's go steady or hey move in all steam ahead it's a life long commitment doesn't make it not polyamorous.
There's no rule book telling you what is or isn't polyamorous there's ethical guidelines that if not followed you'd be judged. But there's communities that frown upon casual sex and dating in poly relationships doesn't make them not relationships just means they judge what's different to theirs.
Do you love the person you date? No there's lust at first sight not love at first sight. But by people's definition here if there's no love it's not a poly relationship. Then marriages based on nothing more than convenience aren't a marriage by this definition.
You don't get to decide what other people's relationships are. |
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It's nothing to do with me personally but liking it. By definition cheating is not anything to do with polyamory.
I've stated my Credentials. I know what I'm talking about. Poly certainly encompasses many different relationship styles but cheating isn't one of them.
"multiple emotional relationships with the knowledge and consent of everyone concerned".
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"Err no. Cheating has no place in polyamory. Cheaters are not tolerated at all. Its totally against the basic ethos.
The definition of polyamory is "the ability to have multiple emotional relationships with the knowledge and consent of everyone concerned"
Vs before you ask I lead the team that runs the world's biggest one day conference on polyamory and most of the poly events in London. My metamour knew the woman who invented the word "polyamory" vs has practiced over 20 years.
I don't agree that cheating is acceptable but it's a form of poly relationships. Denying it and saying it isn't true won't change that.
Just because you don't like it doesn't mean is doesn't exist.
I've been poly since my teens. I've been monogamous to appease others. I've seen all sides of this. But doesn't change an individual's relationship ideals. Polyamory meaning many loves.
Being a cheat just means they don't respect their partners, doesn't mean they arent having poly relationships. Just means they are lying cheating arseholes who are polyamorous
I'm all for ethical non-monogamy and I'm all for cheaters owning up and being honest.
But take for example you can't deny a wife who is absent of knowledge of a mistress or deliberately ignorant of it doesn't make it not poly. You don't get to decide what makes a polyamorous relationship. Definition that is in place does. Ethically or not.
Polyamorous people can cheat, just as monogamous people can but cheating isn't polyamory by any definition of the word I've ever seen.
Cheating is a form of unethical non-monogamy. Swinging on the other hand is a form of ethical non-monogamy but is not polyamory.
See that's your opinion and to think that a person who cheats is monogamous.... Well that's your opinion even if skewed.
Thinking that all relationships involve love is also skewed. Many marriages aren't based on love at all.
You're defining everyone's relationships by your own opinion.
That thinking swinging isn't a type of poly relationship when clearly most people require an attraction or connection for someone to have sex with them.
Otherwise people wouldn't care who they had sex with its just fucking.
Just because they aren't saying let's go steady or hey move in all steam ahead it's a life long commitment doesn't make it not polyamorous.
There's no rule book telling you what is or isn't polyamorous there's ethical guidelines that if not followed you'd be judged. But there's communities that frown upon casual sex and dating in poly relationships doesn't make them not relationships just means they judge what's different to theirs.
Do you love the person you date? No there's lust at first sight not love at first sight. But by people's definition here if there's no love it's not a poly relationship. Then marriages based on nothing more than convenience aren't a marriage by this definition.
You don't get to decide what other people's relationships are."
I'm using the dictionary definition. |
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A person who cheats may not be monogamous. But they are not ethically non-monogamous and are not practising polyamory.
Swingers can be polyamorous, and polyamorous people can also be swingers. The polyamory part (quite literally "many loves") specifically refers to multiple meaningful usually romantic relationships and specifically with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Without everyone consenting it's simply not polyamory - by definition.
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"A person who cheats may not be monogamous. But they are not ethically non-monogamous and are not practising polyamory.
Swingers can be polyamorous, and polyamorous people can also be swingers. The polyamory part (quite literally "many loves") specifically refers to multiple meaningful usually romantic relationships and specifically with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Without everyone consenting it's simply not polyamory - by definition.
"
Exactly  |
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"A person who cheats may not be monogamous. But they are not ethically non-monogamous and are not practising polyamory.
Swingers can be polyamorous, and polyamorous people can also be swingers. The polyamory part (quite literally "many loves") specifically refers to multiple meaningful usually romantic relationships and specifically with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Without everyone consenting it's simply not polyamory - by definition.
"
A polyamorous person isn't defined by the relationship. They can be in a loyal monogamous relationship doesn't mean they aren't polygamous, just as a bi person in a monogamous relationship doesn't mean they aren't bi any more.
If someone is cheating and in love with both people it's still poly it's just not ethical.
By saying it's not poly is denying that either relationship exists.
Non monogamy encompasses everything that isn't monogamous. Cheating doesn't mean it's not poly it's just not ethical poly. Simple as.
Trying to say that swinging has no romance so it's not poly? Flirting is romance expressing desire is romance.
There doesn't even have to be romance or sex in a poly relationship. Can be completely asexual. You're defining it by your opinions.
Since you express you're the know all on polyamorous relationships you should already know that. But seems not. |
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"
If someone is cheating and in love with both people it's still poly it's just not ethical.
By saying it's not poly is denying that either relationship exists.
Non monogamy encompasses everything that isn't monogamous. Cheating doesn't mean it's not poly it's just not ethical poly. Simple as.
Trying to say that swinging has no romance so it's not poly? Flirting is romance expressing desire is romance.
There doesn't even have to be romance or sex in a poly relationship. Can be completely asexual. You're defining it by your opinions.
Since you express you're the know all on polyamorous relationships you should already know that. But seems not."
I am not defining polyamory by my opinions. You are doing that
I am using the dictionary definition, as coined by Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart. She invented the word "polyamory", gave it a definition and that definition is the accepted dictionary definition. My metamour knew her, he's been practising polyamory over 20 years. I've been polyamorous over a decade. I am part of the team that runs the world's largest one day conference on polyamory and lead the team that runs most poly socials in London. I'm in touch with people worldwide who speak and write on polyamory and I can tell you...not a single one of them would agree with you.
Poly people aren't immune to cheating. But cheating is not under ANY circumstances polyamory.
Swinging which has no romance is not polyamory. Grey areas might be "friends with benefits" where there are some feelings involved. If it's purely sex then it is not polyamory. Certainly there are poly relationships that don't involve sex - I am in two myself in addition to my wives with whom I am sexual. And someone can be poly and in just one or even no relationships. Its not about how many you're in but your ability and open-ness to multiple emotionally intimate relationships *with the knowledge and consent of all involved*.
Perhaps you can explain to me how a relationship where one or more partners is cheating is done with the knowledge and consent of all involved?
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"The guy I dated was one of the lovers of a married woman. He said he was in a poly relationship where he could see who ever he liked and had multiple lovers but this married woman was his regular partner. I was just so confused. "
That’s a FB. |
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"
If someone is cheating and in love with both people it's still poly it's just not ethical.
By saying it's not poly is denying that either relationship exists.
Non monogamy encompasses everything that isn't monogamous. Cheating doesn't mean it's not poly it's just not ethical poly. Simple as.
Trying to say that swinging has no romance so it's not poly? Flirting is romance expressing desire is romance.
There doesn't even have to be romance or sex in a poly relationship. Can be completely asexual. You're defining it by your opinions.
Since you express you're the know all on polyamorous relationships you should already know that. But seems not.
I am not defining polyamory by my opinions. You are doing that
I am using the dictionary definition, as coined by Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart. She invented the word "polyamory", gave it a definition and that definition is the accepted dictionary definition. My metamour knew her, he's been practising polyamory over 20 years. I've been polyamorous over a decade. I am part of the team that runs the world's largest one day conference on polyamory and lead the team that runs most poly socials in London. I'm in touch with people worldwide who speak and write on polyamory and I can tell you...not a single one of them would agree with you.
Poly people aren't immune to cheating. But cheating is not under ANY circumstances polyamory.
Swinging which has no romance is not polyamory. Grey areas might be "friends with benefits" where there are some feelings involved. If it's purely sex then it is not polyamory. Certainly there are poly relationships that don't involve sex - I am in two myself in addition to my wives with whom I am sexual. And someone can be poly and in just one or even no relationships. Its not about how many you're in but your ability and open-ness to multiple emotionally intimate relationships *with the knowledge and consent of all involved*.
Perhaps you can explain to me how a relationship where one or more partners is cheating is done with the knowledge and consent of all involved?
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You're just focusing on ethics, so we will have to agree to disagree.
There's no right or wrong way to have a relationship what there is ethical ways to go about it.
I abhor cheats, I have no interest in them. But my opinion on hating liars and cheats doesn't devalue any of their relationships.
The don't ask don't tell relationships is cheating, but still doesn't mean that being in a relationship with more than one person any less poly because it isn't completely open and honest.
There's very few people who are swingers who have sex with people with whom they zero connection or attraction to. So saying swinging isn't polyamorous is just your opinion doesn't make it fact.
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Once again, please tell me how a relationship where one or more parties is cheating is conducted with the knowledge and consent of all concerned.
You have spent the evening trying to say that cheating is a part of polyamory.
If a relationship cannot be conducted "with the knowledge and consent of all concerned" then it's not polyamory - by definition. There is no wriggle room.
"don't ask, don't tell" is a situation that no poly person I know would get involved in precisely because they cannot ascertain from their metamour(s) that they consent to the relationship. I can tell you from experience that you can gather 250 poly people and ask them to put their hands up if they'd enter into a DADT relationship and no hands will go up. Maybe one or two, at most.
Within polyamory, the extent to which the relationships are discussed depends on how comfortable everyone is with such discussions. But one common factor is that everyone knows about all the relationships. It varies from "I enjoy hearing about your times with other people" to "I don't want to know the details beyond their name and when you're seeing them".
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"Once again, please tell me how a relationship where one or more parties is cheating is conducted with the knowledge and consent of all concerned.
You have spent the evening trying to say that cheating is a part of polyamory.
If a relationship cannot be conducted "with the knowledge and consent of all concerned" then it's not polyamory - by definition. There is no wriggle room.
"don't ask, don't tell" is a situation that no poly person I know would get involved in precisely because they cannot ascertain from their metamour(s) that they consent to the relationship. I can tell you from experience that you can gather 250 poly people and ask them to put their hands up if they'd enter into a DADT relationship and no hands will go up. Maybe one or two, at most.
Within polyamory, the extent to which the relationships are discussed depends on how comfortable everyone is with such discussions. But one common factor is that everyone knows about all the relationships. It varies from "I enjoy hearing about your times with other people" to "I don't want to know the details beyond their name and when you're seeing them".
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Just because you don't know of people or very few means you get to define it.
Like you're trying to define what love is which is impossible there's no one tru definition of precisely what love means to every individual on the planet.
There's no 2 the same. Just like relationships. You keep focusing on ethics which you're not going to understand anything but your own small minded view.
When you can accept that even your opinion is only an opinion not fact then maybe you'll get it. You're esteemed congregation decide amongst yourselves but you don't speak for everyone. Who are you to judge? What gives you the right to devalue other people's relationships?
You don't have to like it.
Unethical polyamorous relationships are still polyamorous whether you like it or not. You can't tell someone whose in a relationship with more than one person regardless of the type of relationship it is that it isn't one.
Polyamorous is many loves define for me love that everyone agrees on and feels the same about. Then you can argue about validity. No 2 loves are the same and many types of love. So your opinion invalidates your argument. Your argument is ethics not relationships |
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"I give up. You clearly cannot tell me how a relationship that involves cheating is conducted with the knowledge and consent of everyone concerned. "
I'm not saying it is but your saying it can't be a relationship because it's unethical.
Only 2 people decide if something is a relationship regardless of how many are in a multiple relationship. Even in a closed group if one person decides they aren't in a relationship with another it doesn't make the whole group invalid just means there's nothing more between 2 people. Unrequited love isn't a loving relationship unless both feel the same. Relationship is defined by a connection to something or someone else It takes only 2 people to make a relationship, can be in a relationship with 5 people that's a person's 5 relationships irrespective of if the others have relationships with others as that's their relationships.
Having consent with other relationships and understanding or not having them doesn't change the relationship a person has with someone else. Relationships can't be defined by one thing neither can love.
Your focus that relationships only based on your ethical rules devalues everyone's relationships.
Just like the stuck up arseholes who think a relationship is between a man and a woman only and anything else is an abomination. You don't get to decide what a relationship is and what value it has. |
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"
I'm not saying it is but your saying it can't be a relationship because it's unethical.
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That isn't what I am saying, and you know it. Twist your own words as much as you like, it makes no difference.
I am saying that cheating cannot be polyamory because the accepted definition of polyamory involves "the knowledge and consent of all involved". Without that it is not polyamory
It may be some other form of unethical non-monogamy but it's not polyamory. By definition. Cheating people may even be in love but they are NOT practising polyamory.
End of. |
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"
I'm not saying it is but your saying it can't be a relationship because it's unethical.
That isn't what I am saying, and you know it. Twist your own words as much as you like, it makes no difference.
I am saying that cheating cannot be polyamory because the accepted definition of polyamory involves "the knowledge and consent of all involved". Without that it is not polyamory
It may be some other form of unethical non-monogamy but it's not polyamory. By definition. Cheating people may even be in love but they are NOT practising polyamory.
End of. "
By your definition then someone who has several partners if one doesn't like it doesn't consent but knows and continues that relationship and other relationship continues that they don't consent to then it's not polyamory.
But it is and your opinion on the ethics doesn't change what the relationships are |
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It is difficult. We know that Poly definately goes beyond the sex. My F partner has had 2 FWB. We joked that these were boyfriends as on tap. But what are the boundaries as they are all sexy.Texting, Camming, Chatting, Private pics, Meeting alone took things to a whole diff mind #uck level More than that is brave xx T @ G |
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By *otgirl32Woman
over a year ago
Ashton Under Lyne |
I could very easily see myself living with 2 men and a girl everyone in love with each other no jealousies. But I know of only 2 such thruples in real life so it's not common but they have an amazing relationship. So when it works it works really good. |
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"I could very easily see myself living with 2 men and a girl everyone in love with each other no jealousies. But I know of only 2 such thruples in real life so it's not common but they have an amazing relationship. So when it works it works really good."
As you day it isn't common but it is becoming increasingly more popular and they have meetings to explain it to non poly people. I think if all parties accept and are aware of all of the interconnected relationships then it really can be a wonderful experience, one that I haven't had I must say but have flirted with over the years. |
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"we were part of a 3 way relationship with another female, we all lived together for 18 months. We'd all have set together, or me and her or hubby and her. It was a great experience "
Can I be nosey, and ask why such a fabulous sounding circumstance was concluded? |
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