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By *ediraMan
over a year ago
Reigate |
"After this madness do try out torture garden parties. U would meet loads of like minds and learn alot... "
TG are pretty good.
There a few others out there too.
Night of St Francis parties are really good. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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BDSM is such a massive spectrum, you should signpost what particularly you're curious about.
Kitten and I are in a Ds relationship but even then the spectrum of how those relationships work is almost as broad as there are people. Some would be horrified, others think we're basically vanilla  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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#1 thing I say to anyone that's getting into BDSM is to learn about how consent works in BDSM - it's much more explicit and.. procedural? Than you're probably used to. Safewords (I use a traffic light system most often) are the bedrock, but also enthusiastic consent, fully-informed consent and what I like to call "sober" consent (as in, not simply in the heat of the moment - so you don't land up regretting anything). You might already use some or all of this in swinging.
Then learn about the two major BDSM philosophies, SSC (Safe, Sane and Consensual) and RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink). The reason it's worth reading about this up-front is that it can avoid a lot of pain, awkwardness and trauma that newbies can otherwise experience going in head-first.
Seems boring but trust me, it's the sexiest thing in the world |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We want to experiment with this more. Torture Gardens look amazing!
I'm the more dominant one with Mr. Still eating ourselves into it."
Cupid's has a dungeon which is fun... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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BDSM is an umbrella term to cover a whole wealth of activities which are typified around a Dominant / submissive culture . Its no one thing . Its first usage was thought to be around the early 90s
.As many have said , what it means to you is entirely dependent on what it means to you as individuals . There is of course a site more dedicated to its practices . There is lots of info on there and can be useful . It can be difficult to navigate through it all . As with most things in life just be safe and have fun |
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"#1 thing I say to anyone that's getting into BDSM is to learn about how consent works in BDSM - it's much more explicit and.. procedural? Than you're probably used to. Safewords (I use a traffic light system most often) are the bedrock, but also enthusiastic consent, fully-informed consent and what I like to call "sober" consent (as in, not simply in the heat of the moment - so you don't land up regretting anything). You might already use some or all of this in swinging.
Then learn about the two major BDSM philosophies, SSC (Safe, Sane and Consensual) and RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink). The reason it's worth reading about this up-front is that it can avoid a lot of pain, awkwardness and trauma that newbies can otherwise experience going in head-first.
Seems boring but trust me, it's the sexiest thing in the world"
This is great advice. Already use the traffic light system. |
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"We want to experiment with this more. Torture Gardens look amazing!
I'm the more dominant one with Mr. Still eating ourselves into it.
Cupid's has a dungeon which is fun..."
Ah yes we have seen  wasn't brave enough on our first visit though, we did have plenty of fun elsewhere. |
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"We want to experiment with this more. Torture Gardens look amazing!
I'm the more dominant one with Mr. Still eating ourselves into it.
Cupid's has a dungeon which is fun...
Ah yes we have seen wasn't brave enough on our first visit though, we did have plenty of fun elsewhere."
Partners last Sunday in the month kage |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After this madness do try out torture garden parties. U would meet loads of like minds and learn alot... "
Yes TG is a spectacular event and they travel around the country and overseas! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hey all,
Were looking to explore more into the bdsm world. Would love to have a chat with people who are into this and see where it goes
Thanks
N & S"
We would be more than happy to chat with you guys and hopefully help or at the very least point you in the right direction  |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
As others have said OP it's a huge spectrum and there is no single definitive answer other than the one you find for yourselves - you've not said whether you're looking to explore just between the two of you or with others but regardless of that my advice would be to firstly sit down and talk between you, talk about what interests you about the dynamic, what roles you think you each would take, what elements of BDSM interest you, whether you are at the "just a bit of added spice" end of the spectrum or full on 24/7 end etc etc - it's important you understand each others interest before taking a step further.
Read as much as possible on the subject, there are two very good books (Screw The Roses Bring Me The Thorns and SM101) and various others along with some great blogs etc.
Try looking out some on-line questionnaires on the topic - especially the type that list various activities and allow you to rate them 1-5 in terms of interest - complete them individually and then come back and compare notes - it's a great way to build a framework for your dynamic and find things of mutual interest, and will also help you find limits and boundaries that are key.
Think about attending a local munch (social for kinksters) they're a great no pressure way to meet likeminded people.
The advice above about SSC and RACK is good as is establishing safeword.
Remember there is no right way to BDSM, so long as you are informed, knowledgeable and consenting, only your way - so don't be put off, or taken in by those that will try and tell you you are doing it "wrong" (unless of course it's something practical like how to use a specific piece of equipment or to apply a particular tie etc).
There's no rush either, take it as slowly as you want and most importantly have fun and enjoy exploring
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"Hey all,
Were looking to explore more into the bdsm world. Would love to have a chat with people who are into this and see where it goes
Thanks
N & S"
look up The Chardmore Society parties. Really chilled crowd who showed us the ropes so to speak. Well stocked dungeon!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Remember there is no right way to BDSM, so long as you are informed, knowledgeable and consenting"
I'd add that a reason I encourage reading and learning some of the philosophy/safety first is that it short-circuits the power others have over you as the "newbies".
Generally the scene is very welcoming and respectful but there are definitely abusive people that specifically seek out young newbies (true of swinging too tbh).
They're entirely powerless against just a teensy bit of knowledge |
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