FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > perception/reality....
perception/reality....
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By *abio OP Man
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
after seeing another "what am i doing wrong" question... and them only being on 1/2/3/4/5/6 weeks...I am tempted to ask what was your original perception was when coming onto to site of how long it would take.... and then the reality of how long it actually took.....
basically is the perception before you come onto swinging sites that people will shag anything early and often... and the reality being that they find out that swingers are in effect a lot more choosy than they think? |
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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago
South West London / Surrey |
That's a really good question.
Have to admit that when we first joined a swinging site (few years back now) thought it would be alot easier.
I don't mean that we thought people would be falling over themselves to meet us or that people would shag anyone that asked.
Just that we didn't realise that peoples approaches, preferences etc would be so varied. We kind of assumed that everyone would be looking for the same things. Silly but that's what we thought. 
It took us about 6 months before we had a meet.
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must admit, we thought it woudl be easier to find a single bi fem (no idea why) but still have not found one.
thought people would be more receptive to who we are and our limits, too.
had no time aspect on when things would happen, though, tbh, but i think we had our first meet within a fortnight. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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to be honest it was a lot easier than i thought it would be
I thought that not being a size 8, 21 year old blonde i wouldnt get much interest, or if i did it would be from old guys who couldnt get any better, harsh i know but im being honest, but i was wrong, i get mail from all kinds and have met some really good looking young guys, it actually suprised me that some of these guys had any interest in me 
So from my point of view it was a pleasant surprise |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We also thought it would be easier than it was. It took a lot of time and effort to find the right peeps and then that they would like us enough to meet us.
Still does. |
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By *abio OP Man
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
I was wondering if it was a case of people perceiving it would be a case of maximum results for minimal effort so to speak.. Or sometimes cases of "I'm here so I am owed!"..... |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
I'd been on other swinging sites so was aware that it wasn't going to be a queue of sexy guys wanting to meet up. This site has been a lot better for me than the others though, so it was worth joining  |
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I was on before and I thought it would be reasonably easy to get a meet though I perceived before joining that I would have to make the effort and not sit back and wait for offers to flood in. I expected to find it easier to meet a couple than a single girl cos I expected single girls to be more inundated. I guess I expected to be making arrangements within a couple of weeks, but it took a good few weeks to get anything going.
This time I knew it would take a while but I decided to get involved and get in among the forums. I was having meets within a fortnight. I think a good profile and engagement with forums is essential but also a bit of right place right time. |
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I joined after seeing someone mention it on a non swingers site - joined more out of curiosity than expectation and probably made a lot of mistakes initially. Still have no expectations and if I never get another meet I will not regret joing, but have been fortunate enough to meet some really nice people but also my share of timewasters. |
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"to be honest it was a lot easier than i thought it would be
I thought that not being a size 8, 21 year old blonde i wouldnt get much interest, or if i did it would be from old guys who couldnt get any better, harsh i know but im being honest, but i was wrong, i get mail from all kinds and have met some really good looking young guys, it actually suprised me that some of these guys had any interest in me
So from my point of view it was a pleasant surprise"
Same!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was surprised that I got offers from all types of people, regardless of age etc and found it relatively easy to get meets. It does help though that we have no expectations.
I find from reading the forums that there are many who think a swingers site is a quick and easy way to get sex. When the reality kicks in that's when you get the posts, usually from young guys incredulous that older, larger women are not falling over themselves to meet them.
Sometimes if I've posted about a BMFC party Ill get messages from guys saying 'I'm black". As if I am automatically going to be attracted to every black guy on the planet, its absolutely ridiculous. I can't understand their thinking!
Also the guys who read a profile and say 'I meet your criteria', as if that guarantees a meet. I don't care what list of criteria they meet, if I don't like them I'm not going to meet them.
There is definitely an expectation at times and no doubt many guys will feel unfulfilled when perception and reality don't match  |
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As a single female who likes to meet often I was confident I'd find it pretty easy. I had experience from another site of the guys who are all talk and who bottle it when the actual meet time comes around.
And I have had it quite easy. It helps that my work is flexible so I can meet during the day as well as weekends and evenings.
I do get a fair amount of guys who are amazed that a bigger, older woman has the check to turn them down!
But sods law also has a part to play - when I have free time and am horny chances are I won't be able to find a suitable meet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"to be honest it was a lot easier than i thought it would be
I thought that not being a size 8, 21 year old blonde i wouldnt get much interest, or if i did it would be from old guys who couldnt get any better, harsh i know but im being honest, but i was wrong, i get mail from all kinds and have met some really good looking young guys, it actually suprised me that some of these guys had any interest in me
So from my point of view it was a pleasant surprise
Same! "
Snap! I think there is an obvious gender difference though... Us girls have it much easier! I never expected to really have any interest either, but Ive been very lucky x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's a good question by the OP. For me, I actually joined at the insistence of a friend who is also on here. At first I was reluctant to do so, but after a bit of thought, I thought why not. After the disappointment of not being flooded with messages immediately wore off, I took time to think about what I actually wanted. Once I understood that, and took my time contacting those with similar interests, the meets started happening.
In my perception there are 2 different groups - patient and impatient. The patient ones know what they want and take time to get to know me before we meet. The others lose interest after a couple of messages, because we haven't yet met.
There's another perception/reality discussion to be had on here, but all I will say is, beauty is in the eye of the beholder! |
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By *evilwolfCouple
over a year ago
Leicestershire |
To be honest we migrated over from another site, and we already had friends that we had met. We've made more since on here, but obviously there's a getting to know curve involved. Both of us have been in the scene for many years now, and know only too well how it works.
We're happy pottering on the site and meeting the odd one here and there. We've had precious little time to go head on at it anyway.
I can completely empathise with those who get miffed quick, and to be honest it has to be the singularly slowest way to get a shag on the planet. Having said that, the rewards are sometimes worth the wait
Wolf
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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this site is fucking great.
I joined expected to meet swingers and I did / do.
I have met some of the most fabulous people I have ever met on through this site.
People bitch about.
Work : change your job.
Money: Work harder
Living in the UK: You have no idea how lucky you are.
Price of things: you are lucky you can get them in the first place.
This site is great it is free, and it is sooooo easy to get meets it is unreal.
Also I met a partner on here, and for 2 and half years had a an amazing time, partying and fucking all over the world.
People need to look at themselves before bitching about anything....
and
GROW UP.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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well said and also what needs to be noted is the volume of men on here versus women and how inundated we women get with offers. Would be impossible to accommodate all of them and why should we?! Whores get paid and do a service im not getting paid or here to just service its about mutual arrangements and satisfaction! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was wondering if it was a case of people perceiving it would be a case of maximum results for minimal effort so to speak.. Or sometimes cases of "I'm here so I am owed!"....."
Fabio, I think it's ALL about attitude - you only get out what you are prepared to put in, and if anyone joins and then thinks they can sit back and wait for people to come running to them, they are in for a big shock.
Maybe its me getting older, but I have noticed a distinct rise in the level of arrogance - mainly from the younger guys, but also noticeable in the girls too (sorry ladies - has to be said) and I just think it's the effect of having a new generation trying to get into swinging thinking that it is going to be like the massive amount of porn they have been watching (unlike the pathetically small amount we had access to in the 70's) which they 'think' represents the reality of swinging.
It doesn't and, guess what - It never did! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When we started swinging, we thought that everyone was gonna be "typically hot" and "supermodel-esque!" and everyone would think we were disgusting an not talk to us..
oh how wrong we were.. even the "typically beautiful" people we once thought would shun us have been so welcoming and nice, even if we haven't played or they haven't been attracted to us..
of course there are people who aren't and there are of course the time wasters, but generally this scene has been nothing like what we thought! its been so much better!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As other females have said, it was a big surprise when I joined, I almost panicked and left when the initial flood of messages started!
I joined the site when it was recommended by some swinging friends. I was actually looking forward to getting to socials and meeting people that way but have in fact met some really good guys just through the pc. I still want to socialize more though, unfortunately my timing sucked! lol! I've not been able to really use the site for meets for a few months now but I love the forums and have found them easier to join in that any other forums I've been on
So yeah, I think I have gotten much more from this place than I imagined I would.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My initial perception of the site was that i would be constantly ignored by loads of single woman and couples, local and far-flung, as my flacid cock throbbed all the harder in false anticipation imagine my surprise when the reality went as follows:
1st Week
Monday - Knee deep in clunge at a farmer's barn party
Tuesday- Banjo snapped after satisfying 3 visiting supermodels and an air hostess couple
Wednesday- Had Wednesday off due to banjo injury
Thursday- Gimp mask fun with a Hollywood A-lister
Friday- Hot-tub lesbian show
Cant wait for wot the wkend brings |
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I was on another site and nearly closed my account within an hour of opening it as I had over 400 messages...and that without a photo.
When I actually read some of the messages I realised the men were just sending messages without reading my profile and I wasn't the hottest thing since sliced bread.
It also became clear there were a lot of sad, lonely men that had no intention of meeting they just wanted a pen pal.
When I joined this site from a paying site I expected more dreamers as it's free, so I wrote my profile to dissuade rather than encourage. I've had the odd 'good luck with that profile" messages, men that are shocked this old fat gal has said no. I had one black guy who would send me a picture of his knob every day. Rather sad really.
I've met some lovely playmates and I expect to meet more. |
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I have been lurking around for a long while, only just got photo verified and then found the forums, I love forums. I would stay here just for that. I have got out exactly what I have out into the site ie: very little. But from now on I am going to work a little harder. All tips and offers greatly appreciated.  |
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ive always swung but didnt realize how easy it was, it Takes me ages to meet new people but i think i live in a bubble when i read horror stories on here from women. my way of doing things might not suit everyone but it works for me and i have nothing but praise for the guys ive met whether on off or something more xx |
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ive always swung but didnt realize how easy it was, it Takes me ages to meet new people but i think i live in a bubble when i read horror stories on here from women. my way of doing things might not suit everyone but it works for me and i have nothing but praise for the guys ive met whether on off or something more xx |
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We expected it to be a lot harder to get meets, plus we never expected to make as many good friends as we have.
We were on another site for a few months, and although we got a meet, we were amazed at how many people talked the talk, but wouldnt walk the walk, but this seemed to prove that swingers were few and far between, and difficult to hook up with.
Then we found Fab..... and oh boy, are we glad we did!
Loads of very local swingers, loads of parties, and lots of friendly people in the chatrooms.
Within a matter of a couple of days we had made some great friends, and within a couple of weeks we had our first party invite, the rest, as they say, is history! |
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By *abio OP Man
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
one of the reasons i ask if that you see people think as if they have to make no effort.... for example....
they have a good body and therefore don't have to do anything else....
or they have a larger than average cock and therefore don't have to do anything else....
or they are are young/black/ ect... and therefore don't have to do anything else...
so i wondered if they the mere fact they don't believe they have to engage anything else... the brain for example... social skills (which you always see in clubs)
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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omg i now know where i am going wrong - all those little envelope thingys I have to open?!!! - wheres the butler I thought he did that sort of thing - and u have to get off the sofa and go and meet people?????? wots that about then? can someone enlighten me please? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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when i initially signed up with my partner we wanted to meet other horny couples for some swinging fun......imagine our horror when we discovered there was single folk on here |
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Brilliant thread.
I had no idea what to expect when I first got into these sites. I just knew that I needed an outlet given mypersonal circumstances (single parent!)
I also had no ideas what i was looking for....there werent really any filtering systems in place And I was overwhelmed by the volume of mail - 150 messages within a day! But the experiences of chattin in rooms, reading profiles and communicating with others, then meeting helped me fine-tune what I was looking for.
Ive been blown away by some of the experiences ive had from here and the people ive met and therefore its been great. L
ong may it reign!!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well I initially joined after being told about it from a woman on another site. I had a quick look that day but didn't take much notice as I was too busy elsewhere. Then about a month ago I had a meet with a friend and some of the others we met on our second meet we're on here, so we both jumped back into the site with instant verifications and haven't looked back. On the other site I got a meet the day after joining too, so, as I'm not exactly hollywood material, I've either been very lucky or people are attracted to the clap trap I post in places like this lol |
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