FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Has 'swinging' changed?
Has 'swinging' changed?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Ok im having a bit of a moan lol
After my last three meets being a bit of a let down ive got thinking about how this used to be 11 yeards ago when i first started meeting people
I had a meet last week with a guy who was about as selfish as you could get in the bedroom, not go into detail but lets just say he was all me, me, me and put no effort at all into giving anything back
Then at the weekend i had a 3sum with two guys, unreal it was, both of them just lay there while i did all the work, i mean honestly how can you have two tongues in a room and still get fook all back lol
Then last night i met a guy in a hotel in birmingham, ok not a million miles from me but as i dont drive it still ment getting a train then finding the hotel, once in the room he had a blow job, cum then told me to leave, was only in the room about 10 mins, so i then had to walk back to the train station and get the train home
I dont remember swinging being like this years ago and it got me wondering why its changed
Do you think its because swinging is more open now so people just see it as a way of getting easy gratification, where as when meeting was harder, before the internet etc people put more effort into finding a meet so made more of an effort when they got a meet?
Then i got thinking maybe it was because back then i met with my ex hubby so maybe men show more respect to women who turn up with a guy and dont feel they have to put that respect into single women as they have noone to 'back them up'
Dont get me wrong im not saying all my meets are like this, i wouldnt be here if they was, i think its just hit me more because its been three meets in a row where i've walked away feeling used, but i do seem to be meeting more and more men who just want a blow job and a fuck and have no interest at all in giving me anything back
I know people will say your meeting the wrong men, and obviously thats true but you dont know what they are like till you have met do you so i cant know whos selfish in bed till its to late as so to speak lol
Do we think its because swinging is just easier now days that people do basically see it as a easy way to get laid where as 10 years ago people viewed it differently? or could it just be the differenced between meeting with my hubby and now im meeting alone?
Sorry to moan but had to get it off my chest lol.......*and breath*  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Every meet is different but it think in some ways you are right,some men are very selfish. Well you are welcome to meet, my tongue would be down there as if my life depended on it lol |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"Then i got thinking maybe it was because back then i met with my ex hubby so maybe men show more respect to women who turn up with a guy and dont feel they have to put that respect into single women as they have noone to 'back them up'"
I've found that men are much more likely to be nice to me if I am at a club with a FB. I have no idea why though, as I make it clear we are not in a relationship. Perhaps they need to compete to feel manly?
I had a smallish crisis like this a few years ago and just took a break. Swinging should not be routine for anybody, and when I got the feeling the men were just using me to warm their cocks I got out of Dodge for a while.
I think the internet has made it easier to find and meet people, or dump them if you get a better offer, but the types of people remain the same.
Oh, and I know just how you feel hun. Don't worry - the three great meets to make up for those losers will be on their way soon.  |
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there has been a bit of a change in the scene since we started 8yrs ago,
much easier in some ways to get a meet,but a meet you enjoy is gettin harder to come by,we have had some great meets,,the last few in particular were great,yes a couple of single blokes,and they were great and a few couples all great meets,
i think that its because there is so many people swinging now,that you will always have the odd bad meet,maybe you are just getting your bad meets out of the way lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We started in 1984 and then had a break. nothings changed, its just that theres more at it, so you are going to get more selfish plebs, who dont want to make a woman feel like a million dollars!!! |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"Every meet is different but it think in some ways you are right,some men are very selfish. Well you are welcome to meet, my tongue would be down there as if my life depended on it lol"
I can heartily recommend this guy.  |
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By *occosboysCouple (MM)
over a year ago
Manchester |
Sounds like you had a run of bad luck. Could just be the quality of the single guys. Generally when I've played with guys who are 'hand picked' I've been impressed however at some GB meets there's a lot to be desired in terms of performance all which my fem friends agree... Maybe it's the effort you put in selecting gets the results?
I've noticed a few women asking up front if I enjoyed giving oral
YES maybe it's one way forward.
Check their verifications with regards to their ability and attitude in pleasuring..
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Know how you feel, have met men like that and when i was a teenager as well. Luckily i dont have to travel though as i meet them at my house. Maybe you should arrange to meet more than one man, so if ones no good, then the other one might be. i had 3 dud ones the other week, then met 2 nice ones in 1 week afterwards though. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"that does sound pretty shit lol seems more like quantity over quality
"
well like i said you dont know the quality till ou have given them a test drive do you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"that does sound pretty shit lol seems more like quantity over quality
well like i said you dont know the quality till ou have given them a test drive do you? "
true true. it is alot more open these days tho and the losers sex and dating sites on the net attract will have quadrupled or more in the last ten years |
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Wow
"Ok im having a bit of a moan lol
After my last three meets being a bit of a let down ive got thinking about how this used to be 11 yeards ago when i first started meeting people
I had a meet last week with a guy who was about as selfish as you could get in the bedroom, not go into detail but lets just say he was all me, me, me and put no effort at all into giving anything back
Then at the weekend i had a 3sum with two guys, unreal it was, both of them just lay there while i did all the work, i mean honestly how can you have two tongues in a room and still get fook all back lol
Then last night i met a guy in a hotel in birmingham, ok not a million miles from me but as i dont drive it still ment getting a train then finding the hotel, once in the room he had a blow job, cum then told me to leave, was only in the room about 10 mins, so i then had to walk back to the train station and get the train home
I dont remember swinging being like this years ago and it got me wondering why its changed
Do you think its because swinging is more open now so people just see it as a way of getting easy gratification, where as when meeting was harder, before the internet etc people put more effort into finding a meet so made more of an effort when they got a meet?
Then i got thinking maybe it was because back then i met with my ex hubby so maybe men show more respect to women who turn up with a guy and dont feel they have to put that respect into single women as they have noone to 'back them up'
Dont get me wrong im not saying all my meets are like this, i wouldnt be here if they was, i think its just hit me more because its been three meets in a row where i've walked away feeling used, but i do seem to be meeting more and more men who just want a blow job and a fuck and have no interest at all in giving me anything back
I know people will say your meeting the wrong men, and obviously thats true but you dont know what they are like till you have met do you so i cant know whos selfish in bed till its to late as so to speak lol
Do we think its because swinging is just easier now days that people do basically see it as a easy way to get laid where as 10 years ago people viewed it differently? or could it just be the differenced between meeting with my hubby and now im meeting alone?
Sorry to moan but had to get it off my chest lol.......*and breath* "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You are probably unlucky to have 3 consecutive meets with selfish men. I find it quite amazing that some people just lay there , & barely participate in a meet situation. I personally love pleasing both men & women, & get a lot of pleasure myself from doing exactly that. I have often heard from female friends, about their men being selfish in bed, & have experienced some of that myself, since being on here.
I agree that easier access (internet)has changed things, but not, that it was harder, so you put more effort in. Rather, many men who aren't swingers, who are looking for easy sex, use the sites now, while previously it was seen more as a private couples 'club'.
I would like to think that you would be shown respect, with or without a man present, but some people are arseholes, and don't know how to act.
Many men do seem to come on here thinking that it is an easy (or more likely, discreet) way of getting laid, but it certainly is not. They would find it far easier on PoF, or down the town on a Saturday night than here, but most aren't really single, so they can't really do that, can they? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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could try being more sprecific on your profile
i used to have something along the lines of ' only interested in guys that enjoy oral, are stayers/repeaters' |
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By *adcowWoman
over a year ago
kirkcaldy |
My opinion from the OP initial post is she has been very unlucky in finding the few guys who see swinging as a cheaper option than paying for an escort to satisfy their"urges".
Thankfully I have come across very few like that on the site but I do remember travelling a 2 1/2 hour round trip only to have the guy come from a 10 min bj and say "thanks I needed that- certainly beat having a wank" !!!!!
That one sentence summed it up ad put me off travelling for meets for a long time.
On the good note there are still some people out their who make swinging fun - just as it should be and where no one leaves until ALL have been satisfied |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is why i'm much more selective these days, used to be a real sense of community until about 3/4 years ago.
Now these sites seem to be populated by guys that will "shag anything"
Kind of spoilt it for me, always used to enjoy the banter of forums and socials.
But even the forums seem to be more and more posts from the "how do i get laid" brigade.
So, yes it has changed, in my humble opinion. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This explains perfectly why i (fem) am not to interested in meeting single guys... with or without my partner... the level of respect and the desire to please as well as be pleased, seems with alot of single guys ( no not only single guys but mostly) its more about what they want than mutual pleasures!
We like to make sure the other party, be it a couple or a single. are happy and satisfied with our meet, we would be devastated if someone came on here and said they had an awful meet with us... and we would certainly never kick someone out of a hotel room straight after... its just disrespectful... |
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this paragragh
Then last night i met a guy in a hotel in birmingham, ok not a million miles from me but as i dont drive it still ment getting a train then finding the hotel, once in the room he had a blow job, cum then told me to leave, was only in the room about 10 mins, so i then had to walk back to the train station and get the train home
pretty much summs it up for us, and rest assured we are not having a pop at you, but you turn up to a hotel, give hima blow job immediately, what did you expect in all honesty?
swinging may have changed, years ago women never used to do that, they at least wanted foreplay (the wierd ones even stretched to a conversation and a drink)
It may not be your meets that has changed, it may be you, |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just out of curiosity, how much effort did the three gents put into their messages to you before you agreed to meet them?
If they are from here, then please PM me so that I can block them in advance! 
Joking aside, shame that you felt used. I would feel the same.  |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
I don't know if it is the fact that swinging in itself has changed.. I think it is more a case of the type of people swinging as attracted has changed.. In that a lot more who don't get it, or look at it as a quick legover.. The more opportunistic person |
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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago
North of The Wall - youll need your vest |
" the level of respect and the desire to please as well as be pleased, seems with alot of single guys ( no not only single guys but mostly) its more about what they want than mutual pleasures!
"
I DO meet single guys and I have to disagree with you there. Of course there are some (as there are couples) but they are usually easy enough to spot in my opinion. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok im having a bit of a moan lol
After my last three meets being a bit of a let down ive got thinking about how this used to be 11 yeards ago when i first started meeting people
I had a meet last week with a guy who was about as selfish as you could get in the bedroom, not go into detail but lets just say he was all me, me, me and put no effort at all into giving anything back
Then at the weekend i had a 3sum with two guys, unreal it was, both of them just lay there while i did all the work, i mean honestly how can you have two tongues in a room and still get fook all back lol
Then last night i met a guy in a hotel in birmingham, ok not a million miles from me but as i dont drive it still ment getting a train then finding the hotel, once in the room he had a blow job, cum then told me to leave, was only in the room about 10 mins, so i then had to walk back to the train station and get the train home
I dont remember swinging being like this years ago and it got me wondering why its changed
Do you think its because swinging is more open now so people just see it as a way of getting easy gratification, where as when meeting was harder, before the internet etc people put more effort into finding a meet so made more of an effort when they got a meet?
Then i got thinking maybe it was because back then i met with my ex hubby so maybe men show more respect to women who turn up with a guy and dont feel they have to put that respect into single women as they have noone to 'back them up'
Dont get me wrong im not saying all my meets are like this, i wouldnt be here if they was, i think its just hit me more because its been three meets in a row where i've walked away feeling used, but i do seem to be meeting more and more men who just want a blow job and a fuck and have no interest at all in giving me anything back
I know people will say your meeting the wrong men, and obviously thats true but you dont know what they are like till you have met do you so i cant know whos selfish in bed till its to late as so to speak lol
Do we think its because swinging is just easier now days that people do basically see it as a easy way to get laid where as 10 years ago people viewed it differently? or could it just be the differenced between meeting with my hubby and now im meeting alone?
Sorry to moan but had to get it off my chest lol.......*and breath* "
I feel i must apologise for the behaviour of my fellow males. Selfish to the extreme as far as i can see. For me the idea of a threesome with two guys (MMF) is that the lady in question is spoiled with two cocks, two tongues and four hands all over her body and that she is the centre of attention. Of course the guys will cum too but her pleasure is the first port of call. All i can suggest is that you vet your potential meets a little more carefully and perhaps a meet and greet first, this will out impatient, selfish fuck-wits. If they dont have the time and the patience to wait to give you a seeing to they certainly wont have the time to spend eating your pussy and treating you like a queen  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i honestly think some guys see us single ladies as a "free shag" however much you try to wheedle out the wannabees there are loads around ...to be honest i dont want to meet guys any more for sex Im looking for a bit more !!! |
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have had the same NN where the bloke was into it and the woman wasnt (cant believe i could be so bored with 4 tits and 2 pussies at my disposal, but i have been)
think there are so many doing it now that you will undoubtedly get allsorts.
unfortunately i feel the majority of the hotel meets will be blokes that want to let off steam while away from home and then get back to doing the stuff for the office (May be wrong, tbh) and maybe thats what a lot of blokes are like now.
dont get me wrong, im certain there are a good many blokes on here, and on other sites, that are very happy to be with a good looking woman, and treat her as she wants to be, and to what she wants, but there are a lot of people (men,women and couples) that are just out to sort themselves and fcuk anyone else involved.
maybe you should meet couples again ;o) lol |
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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago
North of The Wall - youll need your vest |
"i honestly think some guys see us single ladies as a "free shag" however much you try to wheedle out the wannabees there are loads around ...to be honest i dont want to meet guys any more for sex Im looking for a bit more !!!"
But some of us are here for a 'free shag' and are most definitely not looking for a bit more....
Yes I agree entirely that meets should be about mutual enjoyment, but I think its a bit odd if people on a NSA swinging site are criticised for not wanting 'a bit more' |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"i honestly think some guys see us single ladies as a "free shag" however much you try to wheedle out the wannabees there are loads around ...to be honest i dont want to meet guys any more for sex Im looking for a bit more !!!
But some of us are here for a 'free shag' and are most definitely not looking for a bit more....
Yes I agree entirely that meets should be about mutual enjoyment, but I think its a bit odd if people on a NSA swinging site are criticised for not wanting 'a bit more'"
I agree with this, which is why it is important that likes and dislikes are discussed in advance. I do like to just shag and go sometimes, but it can be disappointing when I am assured of a night of passion and end up with a 10 min bonk. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Sorry to moan but had to get it off my chest lol.......*and breath* "
well... it is nearly Thursday, after all :o)
Yes to us it's changed a fair bit. We were more used to social swinging, but then the social ones either disappeared or just became anti-social (found partners etc... lol), so we chose NS swinging instead which is interesting, but almost airless by comparison...
I do so enjoy being on first name terms, instead of he's and she's... lol
Ah well, thursday fast approaches!... 
Wolf |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i honestly think some guys see us single ladies as a "free shag" however much you try to wheedle out the wannabees there are loads around ...to be honest i dont want to meet guys any more for sex Im looking for a bit more !!!
But some of us are here for a 'free shag' and are most definitely not looking for a bit more....
Yes I agree entirely that meets should be about mutual enjoyment, but I think its a bit odd if people on a NSA swinging site are criticised for not wanting 'a bit more'"
i wasnt criticising just saying wht im looking for now .....and i dont want to be made to feel like an unpaid escort |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Awe it is such a shame that your meets have gone like that. When we meet, we generally have a fantastic time. It is all about mutual pleasure of all involved. Hope you have some great meets in the future.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
Forum Mod |
I think the perception that swinging is something that requires no effort is a what the problem is
We don't meet that often and I spend quite a bit of time getting to know people before we meet as its rare that im ever in the position of being available for a quick meet,which means that the majority of our meets are fabulous,if guys don't want to spend time doing that then thats fine with me,ill concentrate on those that are on the same wavelength because I know its worth it
I think if we met up with lots of people on a regular basis then id probably find more that I would be less compatable with
NN I hope that your next 3 meets are the sort that are so good they make you forget the recent ones that were rubbish xxx
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think I have ever been on a meet where I have not put in 100%, on a cynical basis, single guys can't afford not to. I also prefer repeat meets, I can't expect someone to meet me after putting in a duff performance on that basis.
I usually travel too, which means I can't be arsed to kick someone out of the room after 20 minutes..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I usually travel too, which means I can't be arsed to kick someone out of the room after 20 minutes....."
Know what you mean, those hotel room kettles would only just be boiling by then...
Wolf
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I usually travel too, which means I can't be arsed to kick someone out of the room after 20 minutes.....
Know what you mean, those hotel room kettles would only just be boiling by then...
Wolf
"
lol, quite. Tea with a splash of milk and 1 sugar please |
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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago
North of The Wall - youll need your vest |
"
I usually travel too, which means I can't be arsed to kick someone out of the room after 20 minutes.....
Know what you mean, those hotel room kettles would only just be boiling by then...
Wolf
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not sure to be honest, been on a run of meets and not one interested me at all, then had one good social meet followed by another run of no interest then nothing for a month or so, sometimes longer. I just think its par for the course. Along the way though, I haven't met anyone that selfish just a few that I wouldn't meet for a third time |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I totally agree with you about swinging and how its changed, I started in Germany when working over there in 1997 and am so pleased I did and was taught properly the meaning of ‘swinging’, since living back in the uk and on sites like this people have their own version of what swinging is about and its far from the real meaning swinging! 1-1 is not swinging, 3 + is , as yourself I am a single female and wouldn’t go out of my area for safety reasons and this has worked for me, the numpty last night you met needs a kick up the ass for being so inconsiderate and lame as do the 2 guys that lay there while you did the work………..yet again lame as fuck! Don’t let it knock your confidence and set your stall out what you want of this site and works for you, it’s pure luck finding the right people to play with, either it be 1-1 or more some.
Good luck x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hate to get my Victor Meldrew out again but I think it's society that has changed, people are just out for themselves these days in all walks of life. "
Hmmm That is an entirely different argument.......... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"that does sound pretty shit lol seems more like quantity over quality
well like i said you dont know the quality till ou have given them a test drive do you? "
Just my thoughts but I would put a bit more about what I wanted on my profile very clearly so as to put off the lazy fuckers.
We had a couple of lazy fucker problems when we started swinging and so we then decided to state in no uncertain terms on our profile that we needed active & attentive interaction.
We think it helped to attract peeps looking for the same. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" After my last three meets being a bit of a let down ive got thinking about how this used to be 11 yeards ago when i first started meeting people
Do we think its because swinging is just easier now days that people do basically see it as a easy way to get laid where as 10 years ago people viewed it differently? or could it just be the differenced between meeting with my hubby and now im meeting alone?
Sorry to moan but had to get it off my chest lol.......*and breath* "
I started in 1985. Back then the BIG difference was . . . . NO INTERNET... IMHO we now a have generation of (not just) men who have grown up on a HUGE diet of freely available porn which just did not exist 27 years ago. Also the style of porn has changed - it is much more arrogant (just look at half the stuff that somes from San Fernando Valley) and guys in particular are almost brainwashed into thinking that what they see in todays porn is a) how to go about having sex and b) is what women want.
Call me old fashioned, but swinging WAS more respectful, more 'even' and nowhere near as 'attitude ridden' as it is now. Hence I stay away from the under 40's . . . Rant over! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" I totally agree with you about swinging and how its changed, I started in Germany when working over there in 1997 and am so pleased I did and was taught properly the meaning of ‘swinging’, since living back in the uk and on sites like this people have their own version of what swinging is about and its far from the real meaning swinging! 1-1 is not swinging, 3 + is , as yourself I am a single female and wouldn’t go out of my area for safety reasons and this has worked for me, the numpty last night you met needs a kick up the ass for being so inconsiderate and lame as do the 2 guys that lay there while you did the work………..yet again lame as fuck! Don’t let it knock your confidence and set your stall out what you want of this site and works for you, it’s pure luck finding the right people to play with, either it be 1-1 or more some.
Good luck x
"
+1 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Every meet is different but it think in some ways you are right,some men are very selfish. Well you are welcome to meet, my tongue would be down there as if my life depended on it lol"
Ditto! Such a pity you are in W Midlands and don't meet guys my age.....  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"this paragragh
Then last night i met a guy in a hotel in birmingham, ok not a million miles from me but as i dont drive it still ment getting a train then finding the hotel, once in the room he had a blow job, cum then told me to leave, was only in the room about 10 mins, so i then had to walk back to the train station and get the train home
pretty much summs it up for us, and rest assured we are not having a pop at you, but you turn up to a hotel, give hima blow job immediately, what did you expect in all honesty?
swinging may have changed, years ago women never used to do that, they at least wanted foreplay (the wierd ones even stretched to a conversation and a drink)
It may not be your meets that has changed, it may be you, "
Lol I didn't just turn up at the room and give him a bj, I met him at the bar downstairs and we had a drink and a chat before going to the room and I thought the bj was the foreplay I didn't know till after that's all he wanted |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"this paragragh
Then last night i met a guy in a hotel in birmingham, ok not a million miles from me but as i dont drive it still ment getting a train then finding the hotel, once in the room he had a blow job, cum then told me to leave, was only in the room about 10 mins, so i then had to walk back to the train station and get the train home
pretty much summs it up for us, and rest assured we are not having a pop at you, but you turn up to a hotel, give hima blow job immediately, what did you expect in all honesty?
swinging may have changed, years ago women never used to do that, they at least wanted foreplay (the wierd ones even stretched to a conversation and a drink)
It may not be your meets that has changed, it may be you,
Lol I didn't just turn up at the room and give him a bj, I met him at the bar downstairs and we had a drink and a chat before going to the room and I thought the bj was the foreplay I didn't know till after that's all he wanted "
oh baby you just meeting the wrong people.
come and meet someone who will spend all night discovering you xxxx |
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