FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Being messaged or winked by people even though I don't fit their preferences
Being messaged or winked by people even though I don't fit their preferences
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Does anyone else get messages/winks from people even though you don't fit their age, height, or even gender preferences?
This has happened a few times, and I'm not sure if they're just bored or they're genuinely interested  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You can filter messages. Go to My Account, then click Message Filters."
I don't mean my preferences, I mean theirs.
For example, someone seeking men aged 35-50 messaging me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The amount of messages i receive from the male partner of a couple who state straight in their profile is a lot. At least 4 a day.
Why message me when im bi
Ive had several from people who state definitely no bi curious or bi sexual.. |
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"Yep, every now and then... Not as often as I get them from people who don't fit mine tho 
Haha Spot on! You can always try to entice them to change their mind  "
So how does this trying to entice them to change their minds work and has anyone ever changed yours |
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By *mberWoman
over a year ago
Preston |
I got a message from a guy last week and it started with. "I know I'm just outside your age range but...." and it was such a lovely message that I replied.
So I guess there's is some flexibility. Maybe the fact that they're winking and messaging you means they're willing to forget the filter because they like you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I opened all my filters the other day ... Out of curiousity... It seems I can't get a view from ladies for love or money .. but the TVs and Gay Men ..seem to like me lol |
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By *untop7Man
over a year ago
Eaton |
I suppose they try to see if they can entice you. You'd be surprised how many guys say straight and not meeting lads but when the wink or email goes and reply recieved, they are interested.. So I suspect if they don't try they don't get...
You say you're str8.. are you?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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All the time, in fact the only fabs I've ever had are from other men and winks from couples. I suppose it's best to just take it as a compliment even if it's a 'no' from you. Each to their own & all that!
There ought to be a 'block gender' from viewing profiles or fabbing pics though, it would save a lot of the harassment that a lot of women get on here, which in turn makes all men look like obsessive stalkers to them  |
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"Does anyone else get messages/winks from people even though you don't fit their age, height, or even gender preferences?
This has happened a few times, and I'm not sure if they're just bored or they're genuinely interested "
Could be anything, but I've occasionally done this if someone's profiles interests me even though they are outside my usual 'criteria' eg. age, so it means I'm interested in making an exception |
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By *6bikerMan
over a year ago
Manchester |
Just be thankful that you get messages! Most men (me included) have to send hundreds just to get a single reply. And most of my fabs are from other men. I would love to be a woman on here, waking up to hundreds of messages every day without ever having to send the first message. |
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By *arkBlueBWoman
over a year ago
Central Bath |
"Just be thankful that you get messages! Most men (me included) have to send hundreds just to get a single reply. And most of my fabs are from other men. I would love to be a woman on here, waking up to hundreds of messages every day without ever having to send the first message. "
Careful what you wish for!! Being a woman here is not always that fun. My first weeks here felt strangely similar to my job: spending hours reading and replying to inane messages (without a single picture in my profile). Same with the meets: when you’re a kid who’s never been to a candy shop, you’re bound to have too many, including of those you don’t have an appetite for, you get sick and it stops being fun! It took some time to find the right pace, re-evaluate how to make the most of Fab so that it’s still fun and not a chore.
People jump in but can’t, or won’t, read!! Look at the first replies to your post! At best, if you are the right gender (if they even care) they may go as far as the profile title. Most can’t be bothered to read your profile and what YOU are looking for, but it doesn’t even occur to them to check that you are what they are looking for. Quite a few times I’ve been approached by men and started chatting only for them to find out that they’re not the only man I intend to meet that week and don’t want to be “one in a long list...”, which is a bitchy way to say they’re annoyed that I meet more than they do. One glance at my profile and number of notifications would have spared them the trouble and the waste of my time.
When it’s obvious I don’t match, I simply point it to them and ask if they’re sure I am what they’re looking for: interesting to know why if they do. |
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By *6bikerMan
over a year ago
Manchester |
Yeah I understand that and I can see it must be like your Hotmail junk box sometimes, but that's why I always send an initial message that is relevant, well written and includes a picture. 99 per cent don't even reply and in the years I've been on and off here I've never once had a message from a woman without sending one first. It can be soul destroying sometimes! |
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By *arkBlueBWoman
over a year ago
Central Bath |
"Yeah I understand that and I can see it must be like your Hotmail junk box sometimes, but that's why I always send an initial message that is relevant, well written and includes a picture. 99 per cent don't even reply and in the years I've been on and off here I've never once had a message from a woman without sending one first. It can be soul destroying sometimes! "
Really?? I do try to reply even to say thanks for the message no thank you but some days the volume is truly overwhelming! Also you’re right there is a lot of junk: any message from someone who has clearly not read or even opened my profile (complimenting me on my pictures when I don’t have any at all!) is deleted without a reply.
Thinking about it, I can’t rem_mber the last time I sent the first email: I think the only time I have was while looking for MM couples, something extremely specific. Otherwise I just don’t have the time to browse, only to filter those that I receive. I’m not being funny about making the 1st step: Fab can just be awfully time consuming. I’m sorry to say that I’ve even had to focus my profile on very specific fantasies and now quickly sift through the messages from single straight M to go directly to the bi guys. I just couldn’t take the pressure from the ‘regular’ (straight single) men anymore; messaging, and wanting to meet, and being funny because they had to wait 2 weeks before my next availability.
I think Fab can be soul-destroying in more than one way. These are superficial relationships; regardless of the genders, we judge and being judged mostly on first impressions and through objectification. But it’s only soul-destroying if we let it be this way. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yeah I understand that and I can see it must be like your Hotmail junk box sometimes, but that's why I always send an initial message that is relevant, well written and includes a picture. 99 per cent don't even reply and in the years I've been on and off here I've never once had a message from a woman without sending one first. It can be soul destroying sometimes!
Really?? I do try to reply even to say thanks for the message no thank you but some days the volume is truly overwhelming! Also you’re right there is a lot of junk: any message from someone who has clearly not read or even opened my profile (complimenting me on my pictures when I don’t have any at all!) is deleted without a reply.
Thinking about it, I can’t rem_mber the last time I sent the first email: I think the only time I have was while looking for MM couples, something extremely specific. Otherwise I just don’t have the time to browse, only to filter those that I receive. I’m not being funny about making the 1st step: Fab can just be awfully time consuming. I’m sorry to say that I’ve even had to focus my profile on very specific fantasies and now quickly sift through the messages from single straight M to go directly to the bi guys. I just couldn’t take the pressure from the ‘regular’ (straight single) men anymore; messaging, and wanting to meet, and being funny because they had to wait 2 weeks before my next availability.
I think Fab can be soul-destroying in more than one way. These are superficial relationships; regardless of the genders, we judge and being judged mostly on first impressions and through objectification. But it’s only soul-destroying if we let it be this way."
What's more soul destroying is someone no longer replying to your mails mid conversation. But I digress, that's for another topic |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"I got a message from a guy last week and it started with. "I know I'm just outside your age range but...." and it was such a lovely message that I replied.
So I guess there's is some flexibility. Maybe the fact that they're winking and messaging you means they're willing to forget the filter because they like you."
That's a nice thing to do. Sometimes just a few nice flirty chats can do a lot to boost someone's mood and confidence.
Who changes their age filters after they've had a birthday? I know I haven't. |
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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago
Hull |
I've known this to occur over the years, as well as nowadays.
Usually, having read their profiles and realising they're not compatible, I'd usually send a good mannered response, thanking them for viewing me.
But on odd occasions, they'd return to me via a message, as in general, they didn't publicise they WERE interested in single guys - it was easier that way for them. I'd usually end up meeting them!
They were however, the exception to the rule. |
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By *arkBlueBWoman
over a year ago
Central Bath |
"
What's more soul destroying is someone no longer replying to your mails mid conversation. But I digress, that's for another topic "
Oh I’ve got one better: you chat with someone for weeks (9, to be exact), almost on a daily basis, made plans to meet over a weekend: they contact you 2 days before to say “I have man flu, it wouldn’t be reasonable...”. Then one week later they publish a verification from someone who say they met on the day you were supposed to meet!
I can still hear the crunching sound (that’s my heart being flash-frozen to the core then annihilated) followed by the wailing of my soul! |
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