FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > "discreet" aka WTF does that sodding word ACTUALLY MEAN?!
"discreet" aka WTF does that sodding word ACTUALLY MEAN?!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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1. WHY are so many obsessed wiyh dropping that word randomly into their profiles and messages to me (almost always men, in my experience)?
2. Is there a bog standard definition of the word "discreet" in the contexts of sex and/or swinging and/or kink and/or BDSM or is it just something thay everyone interprets slightly differently?
For me personally, that word is such a turn-off simply because it makes no sense to me in these contexts.
It's one thing for menstrual hygeine products to be discreet or products for embarrassing health issues to be packaged discreetly or for the bar staff to help a woman escape a dodgy dste discreetly (and safely!), but quite another when you see so many using it just randomly. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We all have our own take on many word. This can be a euphemism or is an acknowledgement that they offer to not compromise your life outside of swinging. "
But a euphemism for what?! That's so stupid!
If it's the latter, sure. Grand. |
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Agreed:
"...an acknowledgement that they offer to not compromise your life outside of swinging. "
They'll be confidential about meeting or interacting with you.
I wouldn't get too hot under the collar about it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'll stop "getting hot under the collar" when people actually explain what they mean by THAT WORD
Unless that now means I have to ask them what they actually mean by THAT WORD |
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It's the term used to describe that they would be cautious about swinging or being a sexually liberated individual. It's like going to a coffee social and someone they knew happened to be there they would simply introduce you as an acquaintance or a friend even if the person who happened to be there knew they swing.
It could mean that they are happy to have hotel meets only so neighbours and such don't know you meet them.
It could be that a person could be having affairs and cheating.
So it's having discretion and being discrete so not to have the whole world knowing what you do in your private time. Many on fab have this as a secret life and would be horrified if persons outside of fab knew.
So when people say they are discrete it's just saying you can trust them not to out you or talk about you. Which falls into the category of trust. Do you trust the person enough not to say anything or do anything with your private life which includes pictures and things that you've done sexually with them. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It's the term used to describe that they would be cautious about swinging or being a sexually liberated individual. It's like going to a coffee social and someone they knew happened to be there they would simply introduce you as an acquaintance or a friend even if the person who happened to be there knew they swing.
It could mean that they are happy to have hotel meets only so neighbours and such don't know you meet them.
It could be that a person could be having affairs and cheating.
So it's having discretion and being discrete so not to have the whole world knowing what you do in your private time. Many on fab have this as a secret life and would be horrified if persons outside of fab knew.
So when people say they are discrete it's just saying you can trust them not to out you or talk about you. Which falls into the category of trust. Do you trust the person enough not to say anything or do anything with your private life which includes pictures and things that you've done sexually with them."
That's really detailed! Can I ask whether your last sentence is a question? |
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"It's the term used to describe that they would be cautious about swinging or being a sexually liberated individual. It's like going to a coffee social and someone they knew happened to be there they would simply introduce you as an acquaintance or a friend even if the person who happened to be there knew they swing.
It could mean that they are happy to have hotel meets only so neighbours and such don't know you meet them.
It could be that a person could be having affairs and cheating.
So it's having discretion and being discrete so not to have the whole world knowing what you do in your private time. Many on fab have this as a secret life and would be horrified if persons outside of fab knew.
So when people say they are discrete it's just saying you can trust them not to out you or talk about you. Which falls into the category of trust. Do you trust the person enough not to say anything or do anything with your private life which includes pictures and things that you've done sexually with them.
That's really detailed! Can I ask whether your last sentence is a question? "
It's not a question for me to be given an answer, it's a question for yourself based on where you trust a person to be discrete or not. When someone says they are discrete ask yourself do you trust them enough to be discrete. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It's the term used to describe that they would be cautious about swinging or being a sexually liberated individual. It's like going to a coffee social and someone they knew happened to be there they would simply introduce you as an acquaintance or a friend even if the person who happened to be there knew they swing.
It could mean that they are happy to have hotel meets only so neighbours and such don't know you meet them.
It could be that a person could be having affairs and cheating.
So it's having discretion and being discrete so not to have the whole world knowing what you do in your private time. Many on fab have this as a secret life and would be horrified if persons outside of fab knew.
So when people say they are discrete it's just saying you can trust them not to out you or talk about you. Which falls into the category of trust. Do you trust the person enough not to say anything or do anything with your private life which includes pictures and things that you've done sexually with them.
That's really detailed! Can I ask whether your last sentence is a question?
It's not a question for me to be given an answer, it's a question for yourself based on where you trust a person to be discrete or not. When someone says they are discrete ask yourself do you trust them enough to be discrete."
Now I follow! And my answer will ALWAYS be no, and my trust will automatically weaken if they say they are |
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"It's the term used to describe that they would be cautious about swinging or being a sexually liberated individual. It's like going to a coffee social and someone they knew happened to be there they would simply introduce you as an acquaintance or a friend even if the person who happened to be there knew they swing.
It could mean that they are happy to have hotel meets only so neighbours and such don't know you meet them.
It could be that a person could be having affairs and cheating.
So it's having discretion and being discrete so not to have the whole world knowing what you do in your private time. Many on fab have this as a secret life and would be horrified if persons outside of fab knew.
So when people say they are discrete it's just saying you can trust them not to out you or talk about you. Which falls into the category of trust. Do you trust the person enough not to say anything or do anything with your private life which includes pictures and things that you've done sexually with them.
That's really detailed! Can I ask whether your last sentence is a question?
It's not a question for me to be given an answer, it's a question for yourself based on where you trust a person to be discrete or not. When someone says they are discrete ask yourself do you trust them enough to be discrete.
Now I follow! And my answer will ALWAYS be no, and my trust will automatically weaken if they say they are"
I agree discretion should be a given until told otherwise.
Everyone needs some discretion and a lot need complete discretion. Saying so does make it seems less believable just like someone telling you they are a good person insisting on it in my experience they are are most certainly not. A good person shows you that they are good they don't tell you. Actions speak louder than words. I think that more needs to say rather than they can be discrete but that they want discretion. |
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Discreet means done subtly or privately.
Discrete means separately - “I have two discrete jobs”.
They’re different words although they’re often used interchangeably, incorrectly.
I think discreet means they have a need for privacy or secrecy, perhaps due to their job or home situation. |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
I take it to mean that they won't tell all and sundry about fab or that they need discretion because they are attached. If they are not willing to meet me in a public place first, alarm bells start ringing as to why and I won't meet them at all. |
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There seems to be two types of discretion here.
Those who need to be discreet because they're obviously cheating and those offering to be discreet by assuring you they won't grass you up as a swinger. |
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Discrete is holding a note pad over one’s face in a profile picture, for example.
It’s indicating a degree of privacy.
I would suggest everyone on Fab, should exercise a degree of discretion. Certainly they have no right to “expose” other people’s involvement.
However not sure why the words inclusion in a profile should be a problem.
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"Discreet means done subtly or privately.
Discrete means separately - “I have two discrete jobs”.
They’re different words although they’re often used interchangeably, incorrectly.
I think discreet means they have a need for privacy or secrecy, perhaps due to their job or home situation. "
You forgot "Discreat", which someone messaged me recently.
Indiscreet things I have seen.
At a munch (kinky social) in a wetherspoons, a lady in a eye-catching outfit walked in and loudly said "Hello , Worcester perverts"
Waiting for a couple to arrive at mine, someone else drove up and asked from the car window, "this the place for the sex party" (the couple had invited another person without my knowledge, great night) |
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"I'll stop "getting hot under the collar" when people actually explain what they mean by THAT WORD
Unless that now means I have to ask them what they actually mean by THAT WORD"
Actually, asking them is probably the best way. It's a word that, as someone said, covers everything from 'playing away from home' to 'please don't do a tatchell and out me' or 'please don't bring our sex lives into the professional or social arena.'
Language is malleable, and contextual. So ask, and see if in the process you get sense of who the other person is.
Underneath it all though you've hit on a truth - lot's of what's in people's profiles, like the bizarre Sydney University stuff or references to the UCC is just what people think should be there, not anything that actually means anything.
Mr Icebreaker |
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Sorry, we must be sending you close to boiling point as we use that terrible word in our profile! It’s just a word, like so many others, that can have different nuanced meanings depending on context and user intention. For us it means we don’t want our friends, colleagues and neighbours knowing what we do and will respect others’ similar requirements. For example if we met socially, and bumped into other non swinging friends, I would expect them to come up with a good lie as to how we met! Trying to come up with a user name that was not taken when we joined FAB was also a very long and difficult process, so as soon as we hit on one it accepted we went with it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'll stop "getting hot under the collar" when people actually explain what they mean by THAT WORD
Unless that now means I have to ask them what they actually mean by THAT WORD"
Why are you so angry and aggressive ? |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
For many it’s cultural or social , when you know or are connected to very large numbers people it’s important to be discreet. Also with some types of work.
For your understanding It often means things like - not parking directly outside the house or in the drive , not sharing face pics , not meeting in bars restaurants etc, not meeting in the home town. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sorry, we must be sending you close to boiling point as we use that terrible word in our profile! It’s just a word, like so many others, that can have different nuanced meanings depending on context and user intention. For us it means we don’t want our friends, colleagues and neighbours knowing what we do and will respect others’ similar requirements. For example if we met socially, and bumped into other non swinging friends, I would expect them to come up with a good lie as to how we met! Trying to come up with a user name that was not taken when we joined FAB was also a very long and difficult process, so as soon as we hit on one it accepted we went with it."
Hee! Now, you actually explained your reasoning so all is forgiven! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'll stop "getting hot under the collar" when people actually explain what they mean by THAT WORD
Unless that now means I have to ask them what they actually mean by THAT WORD
Why are you so angry and aggressive ? "
Hahaha.
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Discretion for me is not making it obvious that we are meeting in a social environment like a pub initially and I don’t scream at the top of my voice so have been a swinger long? How many blokes have you fucked off the site? That kind of thing or if we happened to bump into each other in any other part of life I wouldn’t say oh hi - and introduce you to my friends as the lady i met on a swinging site  It’s common sense to most people but some seem to gave no filter at all. |
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By *izzy69Man
over a year ago
London |
"We all have our own take on many word. This can be a euphemism or is an acknowledgement that they offer to not compromise your life outside of swinging.
But a euphemism for what?! That's so stupid!
If it's the latter, sure. Grand. "
It's the latter |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To me it means:
No pictures and videos
What we do is between me & you
I dont to meet your family and friends
Not publicly display the we know each other.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If some swingers met in a compromising situation and wanted to talk, they would.
Be willing to discuss but would want to do so in a discreet manner.(covert)
Because they consider swinging to be a discrete part of their lives. (Separate)
Does that help?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If some swingers met in a compromising situation and wanted to talk, they would.
Be willing to discuss but would want to do so in a discreet manner.(covert)
Because they consider swinging to be a discrete part of their lives. (Separate)
Does that help?
"
No that is even more confusing. |
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"Sorry, we must be sending you close to boiling point as we use that terrible word in our profile! It’s just a word, like so many others, that can have different nuanced meanings depending on context and user intention. For us it means we don’t want our friends, colleagues and neighbours knowing what we do and will respect others’ similar requirements. For example if we met socially, and bumped into other non swinging friends, I would expect them to come up with a good lie as to how we met! Trying to come up with a user name that was not taken when we joined FAB was also a very long and difficult process, so as soon as we hit on one it accepted we went with it.
Hee! Now, you actually explained your reasoning so all is forgiven! "
Phew! Dialogue is what the world needs more of. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"1. WHY are so many obsessed wiyh dropping that word randomly into their profiles and messages to me (almost always men, in my experience)?
2. Is there a bog standard definition of the word "discreet" in the contexts of sex and/or swinging and/or kink and/or BDSM or is it just something thay everyone interprets slightly differently?
For me personally, that word is such a turn-off simply because it makes no sense to me in these contexts.
It's one thing for menstrual hygeine products to be discreet or products for embarrassing health issues to be packaged discreetly or for the bar staff to help a woman escape a dodgy dste discreetly (and safely!), but quite another when you see so many using it just randomly. "
its just letters than when linked together indicate thoughts and deeds, chill, deep breaths life goes on    |
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