FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Hotel meet, guy can’t keep it up
Hotel meet, guy can’t keep it up
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By *arkBlueB OP Woman
over a year ago
Central Bath |
Hi I’m a fairly new swinger, just a few months and I have a question about etiquette.
On a few occasions during overnight hotel meets (never at home), the man hasn’t been able to keep his erection in the evening, for whatever reasons. I never comment or say anything, they usually keep quiet too or comment that they are tired. Sometimes morning wood saves the meet, sometimes not; but the mood always stays friendly with the guys... until last night’s gentleman. I faced a certain degree of coldness during the night and passive aggressive hostility this morning!
Does anyone comment and ask ‘Am I doing something wrong?’ or should I carry on being Victorian about it when it happens?
Gentlemen, if you had a ““friend”” in this situation, what would be y... his expectations? |
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By *arkBlueB OP Woman
over a year ago
Central Bath |
"If someone was cold towards me regardless of the lead up I'd be asking what what wrong and if it was me "
Sorry I should have phrased it differently. During the night as in sleeping time: no touching, turned his back on me as soon as lights were out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi I’m a fairly new swinger, just a few months and I have a question about etiquette.
On a few occasions during overnight hotel meets (never at home), the man hasn’t been able to keep his erection in the evening, for whatever reasons. I never comment or say anything, they usually keep quiet too or comment that they are tired. Sometimes morning wood saves the meet, sometimes not; but the mood always stays friendly with the guys... until last night’s gentleman. I faced a certain degree of coldness during the night and passive aggressive hostility this morning!
Does anyone comment and ask ‘Am I doing something wrong?’ or should I carry on being Victorian about it when it happens?
Gentlemen, if you had a ““friend”” in this situation, what would be y... his expectations?"
I never have any problem keep it up or getting hard. Don’t think it’s you . Obviously do make sure your clean trimmed and presentable. I am sure if he see you via pictures or a social meet 1st he knew what you look like or if there was an attraction 1st .
Same for you too. If you didn’t like why continue to sex..
Probably his erectile disfunction .
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
If he wasn’t hostile and cold, I would ask if he’s ok, because this sounds like it was him not you. I would slow things down, take a break, just chat and have a drink. Ask him how he usually plays, then take it from there.
BUT if he was hostile and cold, I would leave.
I only do overnights with people I have met and played with for a while. It can be risky, you get to know each other and it can be too intimate. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If someone was cold towards me regardless of the lead up I'd be asking what what wrong and if it was me
Sorry I should have phrased it differently. During the night as in sleeping time: no touching, turned his back on me as soon as lights were out."
(Didn’t see this, before I previously commented) Just sounds like he just wanted to get some kip, and only wanted the experience to be just sex, which is ok. |
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"Hi I’m a fairly new swinger, just a few months and I have a question about etiquette.
On a few occasions during overnight hotel meets (never at home), the man hasn’t been able to keep his erection in the evening, for whatever reasons. I never comment or say anything, they usually keep quiet too or comment that they are tired. Sometimes morning wood saves the meet, sometimes not; but the mood always stays friendly with the guys... until last night’s gentleman. I faced a certain degree of coldness during the night and passive aggressive hostility this morning!
Does anyone comment and ask ‘Am I doing something wrong?’ or should I carry on being Victorian about it when it happens?
Gentlemen, if you had a ““friend”” in this situation, what would be y... his expectations?
I never have any problem keep it up or getting hard. Don’t think it’s you . Obviously do make sure your clean trimmed and presentable. I am sure if he see you via pictures or a social meet 1st he knew what you look like or if there was an attraction 1st .
Same for you too. If you didn’t like why continue to sex..
Probably his erectile disfunction .
"
Good advice here for ladies to keep well groomed etc.....make sure you do ladies..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi I’m a fairly new swinger, just a few months and I have a question about etiquette.
On a few occasions during overnight hotel meets (never at home), the man hasn’t been able to keep his erection in the evening, for whatever reasons. I never comment or say anything, they usually keep quiet too or comment that they are tired. Sometimes morning wood saves the meet, sometimes not; but the mood always stays friendly with the guys... until last night’s gentleman. I faced a certain degree of coldness during the night and passive aggressive hostility this morning!
Does anyone comment and ask ‘Am I doing something wrong?’ or should I carry on being Victorian about it when it happens?
Gentlemen, if you had a ““friend”” in this situation, what would be y... his expectations?
I never have any problem keep it up or getting hard. Don’t think it’s you . Obviously do make sure your clean trimmed and presentable. I am sure if he see you via pictures or a social meet 1st he knew what you look like or if there was an attraction 1st .
Same for you too. If you didn’t like why continue to sex..
Probably his erectile disfunction .
Good advice here for ladies to keep well groomed etc.....make sure you do ladies....."
I've reached this age without manage to send a man screaming in horror with my un-groomed fanny hair |
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By *arkBlueB OP Woman
over a year ago
Central Bath |
Just a reminder that I don’t mind so much that he couldn’t keep it up.
I’m looking for what other people do in a Fab one night stand situation when the guy can’t keep it hard.
Do you ask “Is everything ok?” or do you let him play with your toys and pretend everything is fine? |
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There are all sorts of reasons why a guy won't have an erection. He's not a machine, he might not be aroused enough, he might be habituated to a different woman, kind of sex, maybe he doesn't fancy you, maybe tired, guilty if playing away,first time nerves, ... Who knows. |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
"Just a reminder that I don’t mind so much that he couldn’t keep it up.
I’m looking for what other people do in a Fab one night stand situation when the guy can’t keep it hard.
Do you ask “Is everything ok?” or do you let him play with your toys and pretend everything is fine?"
I'd ask him if everything is ok then tell him to get my vibrator on me! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If someone was cold towards me regardless of the lead up I'd be asking what what wrong and if it was me
Sorry I should have phrased it differently. During the night as in sleeping time: no touching, turned his back on me as soon as lights were out."
Sounds like he needed sleep, you wore him out...bot difficult to be affectionate when your KO’d  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
When I'm with a woman who is very kind and very polite I sometimes get the sense that she is vulnerable and innocent. That thought enters my mind on occasion and it puts me off sometimes because I end up respecting her so much that I can feel my cock standing down. Trouble with being a gentleman is that we respect the ladies even more so during sex which can on occasion affect our ability to 'keep it up'. I would recommend that you talk dirty and encourage him that you really want him inside you, or do a role play sex scene e.g. doctors and nurses etc. Trouble is, that men are exposed to so much porn that many of us become almost immune to their effects and it takes a lot longer to get in the mood. e.g. When I was a teenager I only had to look at the underwear section of Littlewoods catalogue to get in the mood. Nowadays I have to spend 2-3 hours watching hardcore porn to get the same reaction out of the admiral. As a result it means that when I'm with a woman (meets and clubs) it takes quite a lot of work on her part to get me aroused. She may be perfect in every way. My eyes and my heart says yes yes yes, but the guy downstairs says 'not yet'. The joys of having an unpredictable mojo.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi I’m a fairly new swinger, just a few months and I have a question about etiquette.
On a few occasions during overnight hotel meets (never at home), the man hasn’t been able to keep his erection in the evening, for whatever reasons. I never comment or say anything, they usually keep quiet too or comment that they are tired. Sometimes morning wood saves the meet, sometimes not; but the mood always stays friendly with the guys... until last night’s gentleman. I faced a certain degree of coldness during the night and passive aggressive hostility this morning!
Does anyone comment and ask ‘Am I doing something wrong?’ or should I carry on being Victorian about it when it happens?
Gentlemen, if you had a ““friend”” in this situation, what would be y... his expectations?
I never have any problem keep it up or getting hard. Don’t think it’s you . Obviously do make sure your clean trimmed and presentable. I am sure if he see you via pictures or a social meet 1st he knew what you look like or if there was an attraction 1st .
Same for you too. If you didn’t like why continue to sex..
Probably his erectile disfunction .
Good advice here for ladies to keep well groomed etc.....make sure you do ladies....."
This is so ridiculous, what does her grooming have to do with the guy's ED? |
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" That thought enters my mind on occasion and it puts me off sometimes because I end up respecting her so much that I can feel my cock standing down."
So if you fuck them you don't respect them.
Riiiiiight |
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Can I put things from the perspective of an older guy?? Back when I was 25 stayed "hard" for hours and recovered fairly quickly. Now with some "chemical assistance" I can be hard. If you find you partner attractive nothing to stop you cuddling and some "body" play. Have had a couple nights recently when we have done that and ended up sleeping in one another arms... We were both were happy and totally satisfied.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
id usually ask if everything is ok as you want to make sure that both are having a good time and sometimes having a chat is good to see what can be done to avoid issues like that again
if he was cold and hostile, if i was you i would have kindly left because you dont need that hostility |
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"The thought of an overnight meet with a random stranger off the internet absolutely appalls me  "
Understand what you say and I would be a bit apprehensive too but what if it were to be a second or third meet and you both planned, agreed and wanted it that way...?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi I’m a fairly new swinger, just a few months and I have a question about etiquette.
On a few occasions during overnight hotel meets (never at home), the man hasn’t been able to keep his erection in the evening, for whatever reasons. I never comment or say anything, they usually keep quiet too or comment that they are tired. Sometimes morning wood saves the meet, sometimes not; but the mood always stays friendly with the guys... until last night’s gentleman. I faced a certain degree of coldness during the night and passive aggressive hostility this morning!
Does anyone comment and ask ‘Am I doing something wrong?’ or should I carry on being Victorian about it when it happens?
Gentlemen, if you had a ““friend”” in this situation, what would be y... his expectations?"
who knows everyone reacts differently to these things, so you stayed overnight with someone youve not met before? maybe he didn't fancy you hardons are a result of sexual arousal, maybe he had stage fright, maybe he had a problem he hadn't let on about and maybe attack is the best form of defence, only you and he know  |
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I've not had this problem on a hotel meet as I generally meet guys I've met at a party,so found the chemistry already there
I've met some new guys,and never had a problem with hard on's,just some don't actually cum,so they enjoy the play and fucking etc that's not unusual and never been a problem as they are very attentive
Meeting guys for hotel meets,I tend to make sure there is a good connection and chemistry,so when we meet if he turns out to be a moody sod I would have to leave
I am spending about 18 hours with them,so there is lots of time to relax,chat,foreplay,massage,use toys etc it's all about the chemistry  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've not had this problem on a hotel meet as I generally meet guys I've met at a party,so found the chemistry already there
I've met some new guys,and never had a problem with hard on's,just some don't actually cum,so they enjoy the play and fucking etc that's not unusual and never been a problem as they are very attentive
Meeting guys for hotel meets,I tend to make sure there is a good connection and chemistry,so when we meet if he turns out to be a moody sod I would have to leave
I am spending about 18 hours with them,so there is lots of time to relax,chat,foreplay,massage,use toys etc it's all about the chemistry "
18 hours omg fake tanning now |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I've done a few overnight hotel meets, not enough if you ask me lol must have been OK, the hardest night, literally was when a guy didn't go soft after cuming. 14 times he can in 13 hours. Needles to say i tripled that number and got no sleep lol |
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"I've not had this problem on a hotel meet as I generally meet guys I've met at a party,so found the chemistry already there
I've met some new guys,and never had a problem with hard on's,just some don't actually cum,so they enjoy the play and fucking etc that's not unusual and never been a problem as they are very attentive
Meeting guys for hotel meets,I tend to make sure there is a good connection and chemistry,so when we meet if he turns out to be a moody sod I would have to leave
I am spending about 18 hours with them,so there is lots of time to relax,chat,foreplay,massage,use toys etc it's all about the chemistry 18 hours omg fake tanning now "
there is time to sleep in early hours I warn guys I snore so bring ear plugs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've not had this problem on a hotel meet as I generally meet guys I've met at a party,so found the chemistry already there
I've met some new guys,and never had a problem with hard on's,just some don't actually cum,so they enjoy the play and fucking etc that's not unusual and never been a problem as they are very attentive
Meeting guys for hotel meets,I tend to make sure there is a good connection and chemistry,so when we meet if he turns out to be a moody sod I would have to leave
I am spending about 18 hours with them,so there is lots of time to relax,chat,foreplay,massage,use toys etc it's all about the chemistry 18 hours omg fake tanning now
there is time to sleep in early hours I warn guys I snore so bring ear plugs "
I've got ear defenders no worries  |
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"I've not had this problem on a hotel meet as I generally meet guys I've met at a party,so found the chemistry already there
I've met some new guys,and never had a problem with hard on's,just some don't actually cum,so they enjoy the play and fucking etc that's not unusual and never been a problem as they are very attentive
Meeting guys for hotel meets,I tend to make sure there is a good connection and chemistry,so when we meet if he turns out to be a moody sod I would have to leave
I am spending about 18 hours with them,so there is lots of time to relax,chat,foreplay,massage,use toys etc it's all about the chemistry 18 hours omg fake tanning now
there is time to sleep in early hours I warn guys I snore so bring ear plugs I've got ear defenders no worries "
I slept with someone with a sleep apnea mask,so ear defenders may be a new kink for me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've not had this problem on a hotel meet as I generally meet guys I've met at a party,so found the chemistry already there
I've met some new guys,and never had a problem with hard on's,just some don't actually cum,so they enjoy the play and fucking etc that's not unusual and never been a problem as they are very attentive
Meeting guys for hotel meets,I tend to make sure there is a good connection and chemistry,so when we meet if he turns out to be a moody sod I would have to leave
I am spending about 18 hours with them,so there is lots of time to relax,chat,foreplay,massage,use toys etc it's all about the chemistry 18 hours omg fake tanning now
there is time to sleep in early hours I warn guys I snore so bring ear plugs I've got ear defenders no worries
I slept with someone with a sleep apnea mask,so ear defenders may be a new kink for me "
ooo i think i saw one of them for the first time last night |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Personally id never do overnight meet with a stranger.
Men have many reasons some explained mostly unexplained.
I have found on here.. The ones who boast all action.. Aren't.
Some of the guys comments are good to read.
Be safe |
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By *arkBlueB OP Woman
over a year ago
Central Bath |
"The thought of an overnight meet with a random stranger off the internet absolutely appalls me "
Good for you! Thank goodness we’re not all after the same things!
So much for a non-judgemental community... |
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"I've not had this problem on a hotel meet as I generally meet guys I've met at a party,so found the chemistry already there
I've met some new guys,and never had a problem with hard on's,just some don't actually cum,so they enjoy the play and fucking etc that's not unusual and never been a problem as they are very attentive
Meeting guys for hotel meets,I tend to make sure there is a good connection and chemistry,so when we meet if he turns out to be a moody sod I would have to leave
I am spending about 18 hours with them,so there is lots of time to relax,chat,foreplay,massage,use toys etc it's all about the chemistry 18 hours omg fake tanning now
there is time to sleep in early hours I warn guys I snore so bring ear plugs I've got ear defenders no worries
I slept with someone with a sleep apnea mask,so ear defenders may be a new kink for me ooo i think i saw one of them for the first time last night "
Rather relaxing hearing the machine think it defended him hearing my snoring |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've not had this problem on a hotel meet as I generally meet guys I've met at a party,so found the chemistry already there
I've met some new guys,and never had a problem with hard on's,just some don't actually cum,so they enjoy the play and fucking etc that's not unusual and never been a problem as they are very attentive
Meeting guys for hotel meets,I tend to make sure there is a good connection and chemistry,so when we meet if he turns out to be a moody sod I would have to leave
I am spending about 18 hours with them,so there is lots of time to relax,chat,foreplay,massage,use toys etc it's all about the chemistry 18 hours omg fake tanning now
there is time to sleep in early hours I warn guys I snore so bring ear plugs I've got ear defenders no worries
I slept with someone with a sleep apnea mask,so ear defenders may be a new kink for me ooo i think i saw one of them for the first time last night
Rather relaxing hearing the machine think it defended him hearing my snoring "
i find snoring quite therapeutic |
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By *arkBlueB OP Woman
over a year ago
Central Bath |
"The thought of an overnight meet with a random stranger off the internet absolutely appalls me "
Thank goodness we’re not all after the same things!
So much for a non-judgemental community... |
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"I've not had this problem on a hotel meet as I generally meet guys I've met at a party,so found the chemistry already there
I've met some new guys,and never had a problem with hard on's,just some don't actually cum,so they enjoy the play and fucking etc that's not unusual and never been a problem as they are very attentive
Meeting guys for hotel meets,I tend to make sure there is a good connection and chemistry,so when we meet if he turns out to be a moody sod I would have to leave
I am spending about 18 hours with them,so there is lots of time to relax,chat,foreplay,massage,use toys etc it's all about the chemistry 18 hours omg fake tanning now
there is time to sleep in early hours I warn guys I snore so bring ear plugs I've got ear defenders no worries
I slept with someone with a sleep apnea mask,so ear defenders may be a new kink for me ooo i think i saw one of them for the first time last night
Rather relaxing hearing the machine think it defended him hearing my snoring i find snoring quite therapeutic "
So do I  I lay on my head on there chest |
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"Hi I’m a fairly new swinger, just a few months and I have a question about etiquette.
On a few occasions during overnight hotel meets (never at home), the man hasn’t been able to keep his erection in the evening, for whatever reasons. I never comment or say anything, they usually keep quiet too or comment that they are tired. Sometimes morning wood saves the meet, sometimes not; but the mood always stays friendly with the guys... until last night’s gentleman. I faced a certain degree of coldness during the night and passive aggressive hostility this morning!
Does anyone comment and ask ‘Am I doing something wrong?’ or should I carry on being Victorian about it when it happens?
Gentlemen, if you had a ““friend”” in this situation, what would be y... his expectations?
I never have any problem keep it up or getting hard. Don’t think it’s you . Obviously do make sure your clean trimmed and presentable. I am sure if he see you via pictures or a social meet 1st he knew what you look like or if there was an attraction 1st .
Same for you too. If you didn’t like why continue to sex..
Probably his erectile disfunction .
Good advice here for ladies to keep well groomed etc.....make sure you do ladies.....
This is so ridiculous, what does her grooming have to do with the guy's ED? "
A good reason for filters lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Personally id never do overnight meet with a stranger.
Men have many reasons some explained mostly unexplained.
I have found on here.. The ones who boast all action.. Aren't.
Some of the guys comments are good to read.
Be safe"
exactly sanitise after every text  |
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By *arkBlueB OP Woman
over a year ago
Central Bath |
"Does anyone comment and ask ‘Am I doing something wrong?’ or should I carry on being Victorian about it when it happens?
Gentlemen, if you had a ““friend”” in this situation, what would be y... his expectations?
Good advice here for ladies to keep well groomed etc.....make sure you do ladies.....
***This is so ridiculous, what does her grooming have to do with the guy's ED?*** "
— Exactly! Thanks for pointing it out!! The question was “what to you do when ED happens”! I think 3 posts top addressed the actual question. Welcome to 2020! Let’s bin the actual question, invent a new one (WHY did it happen) and find new ways to make it the woman’s fault! She spent overnight with a stranger and surely doesn’t groom: that’s what I like so obviously everybody else does or should, and if anything goes wrong it has to be because that!
I’m just stunned by the amount of narrow-mindedness and sanctimony (not to mention the number of people who can’t differentiate context and question) in a community where people choose to live outside of “the norm”. — |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
It's a tough one OP and the answer lies with *both* people that are there - us guys are strange beasts at times and can get hang ups when all doesn't work as we think it should - out of embarrassment, shame, a misplaced sense of what it should be like and much more.
There probably isn't a guy on here that it's not happened to at some stage in their life either - and for some reacting "coldly" is how they deal with it, out of shame, frustration and more.
Thing is though with an understanding and caring partner, it really isn't the end of the world, and there is plenty more that can be done to still have a great time.
It also doesn't help worrying about it, as it's a vicious circle, the more you worry, the more frustrating it gets and the less likely it is for something to happen.
And I can totally understand a woman's perspective when it does happen as it's inevitable to wonder "Is it me?" when truth is it's actually neither of you.
As for asking him about it - that's another difficult one, as asking may well highlight the problem further and just exacerbate it. Sometimes a simple "Hey it doesn't matter, let's have a cuddle and maybe a massage" is better, often the problem is just not being relaxed, so taking his mind off it by doing other things like cuddling and kissing is all that it takes to see things spring into action so to speak
Perhaps talk about it if necessary at another time, especially if it's a recurring thing - but do so sensitively and compassionately and with support. |
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By *arkBlueB OP Woman
over a year ago
Central Bath |
"It's a tough one OP and the answer lies with *both* people that are there - us guys are strange beasts at times and can get hang ups when all doesn't work as we think it should - out of embarrassment, shame, a misplaced sense of what it should be like and much more.
There probably isn't a guy on here that it's not happened to at some stage in their life either - and for some reacting "coldly" is how they deal with it, out of shame, frustration and more.
Thing is though with an understanding and caring partner, it really isn't the end of the world, and there is plenty more that can be done to still have a great time.
It also doesn't help worrying about it, as it's a vicious circle, the more you worry, the more frustrating it gets and the less likely it is for something to happen.
And I can totally understand a woman's perspective when it does happen as it's inevitable to wonder "Is it me?" when truth is it's actually neither of you.
As for asking him about it - that's another difficult one, as asking may well highlight the problem further and just exacerbate it. Sometimes a simple "Hey it doesn't matter, let's have a cuddle and maybe a massage" is better, often the problem is just not being relaxed, so taking his mind off it by doing other things like cuddling and kissing is all that it takes to see things spring into action so to speak
Perhaps talk about it if necessary at another time, especially if it's a recurring thing - but do so sensitively and compassionately and with support."
Thank you very much Gemini for a truly interesting and nuanced perspective.
I do believe that the cold reaction and blame the next day were a coping strategy or a defence mechanism, from a man who is new here and had put too much pressure on himself for his first 1-on-1 meet.
I’ve been in the same situation with other Fabsters and it’s never been a problem before.
As Mike says, it is common sense; still it’s good to hear it from a sensible representative of the other gender.
Thanks again! |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"It's a tough one OP and the answer lies with *both* people that are there - us guys are strange beasts at times and can get hang ups when all doesn't work as we think it should - out of embarrassment, shame, a misplaced sense of what it should be like and much more.
There probably isn't a guy on here that it's not happened to at some stage in their life either - and for some reacting "coldly" is how they deal with it, out of shame, frustration and more.
Thing is though with an understanding and caring partner, it really isn't the end of the world, and there is plenty more that can be done to still have a great time.
It also doesn't help worrying about it, as it's a vicious circle, the more you worry, the more frustrating it gets and the less likely it is for something to happen.
And I can totally understand a woman's perspective when it does happen as it's inevitable to wonder "Is it me?" when truth is it's actually neither of you.
As for asking him about it - that's another difficult one, as asking may well highlight the problem further and just exacerbate it. Sometimes a simple "Hey it doesn't matter, let's have a cuddle and maybe a massage" is better, often the problem is just not being relaxed, so taking his mind off it by doing other things like cuddling and kissing is all that it takes to see things spring into action so to speak
Perhaps talk about it if necessary at another time, especially if it's a recurring thing - but do so sensitively and compassionately and with support.
Thank you very much Gemini for a truly interesting and nuanced perspective.
I do believe that the cold reaction and blame the next day were a coping strategy or a defence mechanism, from a man who is new here and had put too much pressure on himself for his first 1-on-1 meet.
I’ve been in the same situation with other Fabsters and it’s never been a problem before.
As Mike says, it is common sense; still it’s good to hear it from a sensible representative of the other gender.
Thanks again!"
A pleasure - felt your OP deserved better than it had had from some quarters - especially given it showed compassion and wanting to understand.
And you're probably right about it being a coping strategy - how you go from here may well depend on how interested in this guy you are, and he you, but if you are I'd suggest a sensitive message telling him you understand and that he has nothing to feel bad about etc etc and sensitively telling him how you can deal with it *together* if it happened another time.
Part of the problem is exacerbated by a site like this because the perception of many guys is that they have to be able to perform like porn stars, stay hard all night long and cum multiple times after banging away for hours at a time - which couldn't be further from the truth |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi I’m a fairly new swinger, just a few months and I have a question about etiquette.
On a few occasions during overnight hotel meets (never at home), the man hasn’t been able to keep his erection in the evening, for whatever reasons. I never comment or say anything, they usually keep quiet too or comment that they are tired. Sometimes morning wood saves the meet, sometimes not; but the mood always stays friendly with the guys... until last night’s gentleman. I faced a certain degree of coldness during the night and passive aggressive hostility this morning!
Does anyone comment and ask ‘Am I doing something wrong?’ or should I carry on being Victorian about it when it happens?
Gentlemen, if you had a ““friend”” in this situation, what would be y... his expectations?"
Buy a stash of viagra / kamagra and give him one if it’s not happening .
|
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"
Buy a stash of viagra / kamagra and give him one if it’s not happening .
"
A very dangerous option unless the OP is a qualified physician or pharmacist capable of making the relevant checks to ensure someone would be ok to take either.
If someone is suffering from regular and ongoing problems, encouraging them to see a GP or consider trying Viagara or similar once properly checked for suitability may be an option, but having a "stash" would be totally wrong, and could lead to serious problems. |
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By *arkBlueB OP Woman
over a year ago
Central Bath |
"
Buy a stash of viagra / kamagra and give him one if it’s not happening .
A very dangerous option unless the OP is a qualified physician or pharmacist capable of making the relevant checks to ensure someone would be ok to take either.
If someone is suffering from regular and ongoing problems, encouraging them to see a GP or consider trying Viagara or similar once properly checked for suitability may be an option, but having a "stash" would be totally wrong, and could lead to serious problems."
— I couldn’t agree more. Apparently these are available from drug dealers now.
I like my men exhausted but alive and well when I leave them!
Gerald’s Game by Stephen King is a recommended read to anyone who’s considering playing with those irresponsibly...— |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Being emotionally distant is a common post coital strategy I've found by men in the main.
Emotional intimacy can be tricky as it implies an emotional bond/relationship which is often not wanted in no strings attached sex. Cuddling and warmth afterwards can blur the boundaries for many, so the warmth is often sacrificed.
As for lack of errection, as many reasons as there are pebbles on the beach. Us women are fortunate as we can fake arousal far more easily than a man. Not that any of us would obviously |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I tend to check in and ask if things are going OK if there does not seem to be outward evidence of arousal.
Can be quite a knock to the confidence when men cant/don't get hard, as it's easy then to blame yourself thst you're doing some wrong.
I admire the men who admit to having a bit of an issue with their errection. You both can relax then and have some fun |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi I’m a fairly new swinger, just a few months and I have a question about etiquette.
On a few occasions during overnight hotel meets (never at home), the man hasn’t been able to keep his erection in the evening, for whatever reasons. I never comment or say anything, they usually keep quiet too or comment that they are tired. Sometimes morning wood saves the meet, sometimes not; but the mood always stays friendly with the guys... until last night’s gentleman. I faced a certain degree of coldness during the night and passive aggressive hostility this morning!
Does anyone comment and ask ‘Am I doing something wrong?’ or should I carry on being Victorian about it when it happens?
Gentlemen, if you had a ““friend”” in this situation, what would be y... his expectations?"
You seem to have met selfish men who only care about their needs.
Men need to ne honest with themselves. If they have trouble getting an erection or repeat erection use something.
I could repeat easily, fairly quickly, and a few times when I was younger. As I get older that is not always the case.
If I want to make sure I can give the woman or man good a good time I will take an erection pill. I don't want to come once and have to ask them to give me 30 minutes to an hour to recover.
I want the woman or man to enjoy being with me and for my being able to pleasure them it that means taking a pill to help me do that then so be it
I know some people don't like being with somebody who has taken Viagra, Ciallis etc. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If someone was cold towards me regardless of the lead up I'd be asking what what wrong and if it was me
Sorry I should have phrased it differently. During the night as in sleeping time: no touching, turned his back on me as soon as lights were out."
Ignorant, rude unfeeling prick who had got what he wanted so fuck you?
Ok you are not lovers/married but turning your back is rude. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As man it obviously hurts our pride if we lose our erection so that would explain the cold behaviour, but still no excuse to be treated like that, if I’ve ever lost my erection I think being honest and making light of the situation helps bring the confidence back....confidence back Boner back |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi I’m a fairly new swinger, just a few months and I have a question about etiquette.
On a few occasions during overnight hotel meets (never at home), the man hasn’t been able to keep his erection in the evening, for whatever reasons. I never comment or say anything, they usually keep quiet too or comment that they are tired. Sometimes morning wood saves the meet, sometimes not; but the mood always stays friendly with the guys... until last night’s gentleman. I faced a certain degree of coldness during the night and passive aggressive hostility this morning!
Does anyone comment and ask ‘Am I doing something wrong?’ or should I carry on being Victorian about it when it happens?
Gentlemen, if you had a ““friend”” in this situation, what would be y... his expectations?
Buy a stash of viagra / kamagra and give him one if it’s not happening .
"
Extremely dangerous. You could kill him. |
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By *ndy64hMan
over a year ago
Plymouth |
I think that last night's friend was feeling guilty about it, and his behaviour was his justification for that guilt. Forget about him, and move on.
With regards to others, we fantasise a lot, but in reality we feel under pressure to perform, we want to be the best, (male ego), this plays on our minds again, and ooops we can't do it. Like you said some make up for it in the morning, they feel more relaxed, feels more real. |
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"Just a reminder that I don’t mind so much that he couldn’t keep it up.
I’m looking for what other people do in a Fab one night stand situation when the guy can’t keep it hard.
Do you ask “Is everything ok?” or do you let him play with your toys and pretend everything is fine?"
I wouldn't pretend but, I also wouldn't spend the whole night with an unknown guy |
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By *arkBlueB OP Woman
over a year ago
Central Bath |
"I think that last night's friend was feeling guilty about it, and his behaviour was his justification for that guilt. Forget about him, and move on.
With regards to others, we fantasise a lot, but in reality we feel under pressure to perform, we want to be the best, (male ego), this plays on our minds again, and ooops we can't do it. Like you said some make up for it in the morning, they feel more relaxed, feels more real."
Thanks for your candour. It’s most appreciated. |
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"Hi I’m a fairly new swinger, just a few months and I have a question about etiquette.
On a few occasions during overnight hotel meets (never at home), the man hasn’t been able to keep his erection in the evening, for whatever reasons. I never comment or say anything, they usually keep quiet too or comment that they are tired. Sometimes morning wood saves the meet, sometimes not; but the mood always stays friendly with the guys... until last night’s gentleman. I faced a certain degree of coldness during the night and passive aggressive hostility this morning!
Does anyone comment and ask ‘Am I doing something wrong?’ or should I carry on being Victorian about it when it happens?
Gentlemen, if you had a ““friend”” in this situation, what would be y... his expectations?"
He was ashamed of himself babe.. and sadly took it out on you. You stay golden though, don't let em change you x |
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By *zzy69Woman
over a year ago
The Lake District |
I was going to reply by private message but I am blocked.
I think if a man is making you uncomfortable I would leave or at least say “ would you like me to go” unless of course I have paid for the room in which case it’s easier to ask him to go |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi I’m a fairly new swinger, just a few months and I have a question about etiquette.
On a few occasions during overnight hotel meets (never at home), the man hasn’t been able to keep his erection in the evening, for whatever reasons. I never comment or say anything, they usually keep quiet too or comment that they are tired. Sometimes morning wood saves the meet, sometimes not; but the mood always stays friendly with the guys... until last night’s gentleman. I faced a certain degree of coldness during the night and passive aggressive hostility this morning!
Does anyone comment and ask ‘Am I doing something wrong?’ or should I carry on being Victorian about it when it happens?
Gentlemen, if you had a ““friend”” in this situation, what would be y... his expectations?"
Happens quite often I assume due to nerves |
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By *arkBlueB OP Woman
over a year ago
Central Bath |
"I was going to reply by private message but I am blocked.
I think if a man is making you uncomfortable I would leave or at least say “ would you like me to go” unless of course I have paid for the room in which case it’s easier to ask him to go "
Yes Izzy, you’re a woman! I only accept messages from men, sorry!
He didn’t make me feel uncomfortable until the morning when he opened the curtains to wake me. Rude! And he woke me because he was leaving to go to work. Problem solved!
If someone was uncomfortable during playtime it was all him but I can’t make any assumptions as to why he couldn’t keep it up: that would only add further pressure. Stupidly I liked the guy, found him good-looking and had no problem having multiple orgasms when he playing with my toys. I didn’t like he turned his back on me as soon as the lights were off but it didn’t justify leaving. The interaction in the morning was as brief as unpleasant but he left within a few minutes anyway. |
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By *arkBlueB OP Woman
over a year ago
Central Bath |
"Was there much of a build up .. increasing the passion and tension etc?"
Like I said in the OP, it’s the first time and probably not the last time it’s going to happen. It’s not the why I’m interested in, it’s how other people deal with it in similar circumstances: casual sex, first time meeting. |
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"Hi I’m a fairly new swinger, just a few months and I have a question about etiquette.
On a few occasions during overnight hotel meets (never at home), the man hasn’t been able to keep his erection in the evening, for whatever reasons. I never comment or say anything, they usually keep quiet too or comment that they are tired. Sometimes morning wood saves the meet, sometimes not; but the mood always stays friendly with the guys... until last night’s gentleman. I faced a certain degree of coldness during the night and passive aggressive hostility this morning!
Does anyone comment and ask ‘Am I doing something wrong?’ or should I carry on being Victorian about it when it happens?
Gentlemen, if you had a ““friend”” in this situation, what would be y... his expectations?"
Last night? |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Hi I’m a fairly new swinger, just a few months and I have a question about etiquette.
On a few occasions during overnight hotel meets (never at home), the man hasn’t been able to keep his erection in the evening, for whatever reasons. I never comment or say anything, they usually keep quiet too or comment that they are tired. Sometimes morning wood saves the meet, sometimes not; but the mood always stays friendly with the guys... until last night’s gentleman. I faced a certain degree of coldness during the night and passive aggressive hostility this morning!
Does anyone comment and ask ‘Am I doing something wrong?’ or should I carry on being Victorian about it when it happens?
Gentlemen, if you had a ““friend”” in this situation, what would be y... his expectations?
Last night? "
OP's original post that you've quoted was from two weeks ago  |
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"Hi I’m a fairly new swinger, just a few months and I have a question about etiquette.
On a few occasions during overnight hotel meets (never at home), the man hasn’t been able to keep his erection in the evening, for whatever reasons. I never comment or say anything, they usually keep quiet too or comment that they are tired. Sometimes morning wood saves the meet, sometimes not; but the mood always stays friendly with the guys... until last night’s gentleman. I faced a certain degree of coldness during the night and passive aggressive hostility this morning!
Does anyone comment and ask ‘Am I doing something wrong?’ or should I carry on being Victorian about it when it happens?
Gentlemen, if you had a ““friend”” in this situation, what would be y... his expectations?
Last night?
OP's original post that you've quoted was from two weeks ago "
Oops sorry didn't see that!!
Maybe the guy wasn't that into you.. |
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OP...... You and I have chatted on this one before. Yes, the "hard on" sex can fail sometimes for a whole host of reasons. If you have some sort of rapport with each other, there loads of other ways of pleasuring each other. You had toys, there...for goodness. sake!! To me it does come down to the "chemistry". If you fancy each other, even if it is just a short term thing, there are so many ways around the "crisis". Guess it can be a bit more difficult if the female half demands and will only accept 8" of rock hard meat. Seems that was not the case with you..
Just my thoughts.....take care. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Speaking as someone that suffered from ed alot before realising i had low testosterone i can tell you that as a man failing to get an erection is very embarrassing and once you start getting difficulties it gets in your head and makes it more unlikely to work.
Nerves play a part when meeting someone for the first time, and I've had occasions where the woman has took it very badly when i suffered from ed. ( she left in tears).
So yeah when it goes down and you want it up you feel like a failure and although theres plenty of other ways to please a woman a lot want the main event.
No one wants to be a letdown. |
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Know exactly where you are coming from.
At 72 I am not what I was at 25... A number of factors affect what can be achieved: certain pills can and do help. I am currently seeing a lady 15 years my junior. We click, she knows exactly how to relax me and I am astounded at what happens between us. Before meeting her, I had to an extent, given up. Not through lack of desire, that has never dwindled but through lack of performance. Have to say I cannot believe what is happening to this "old git" !! Never give up... |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
As I said somewhere up thread - it's only a problem if one or other or both people concerned make it a problem - with understanding, consideration and open and honest communication in both directions it doesn't have to be a problem at all.
Sure it might seem embarrassing when it happens, but most women understand and are compassionate about it, if, as a man you're able to be an adult about it too and not see yourself as some kind of failure and treat them as if they are the cause of the problem |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We're not machines, it happens.
Tiredness is a massive erection killer, stress, nerves, sometimes there is no reason at all.
Happened to me twice, its embarrassing, dont make a big deal of it.
Relax, kiss, foreplay and wait for things to pop up again. |
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It happens OP for various reasons.
It’s best not to dwell on it and the worst thing you can do is discuss it, just reassure them it’s not a problem.
Just make each other relaxed, talk, stroke, kiss, tease and let nature take its course or just enjoy the sensual side of exploring without penetration.
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By *iger4uWoman
over a year ago
In my happy place |
"If someone was cold towards me regardless of the lead up I'd be asking what what wrong and if it was me
Sorry I should have phrased it differently. During the night as in sleeping time: no touching, turned his back on me as soon as lights were out."
Choose better playmates. |
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"Hi I’m a fairly new swinger, just a few months and I have a question about etiquette.
On a few occasions during overnight hotel meets (never at home), the man hasn’t been able to keep his erection in the evening, for whatever reasons. I never comment or say anything, they usually keep quiet too or comment that they are tired. Sometimes morning wood saves the meet, sometimes not; but the mood always stays friendly with the guys... until last night’s gentleman. I faced a certain degree of coldness during the night and passive aggressive hostility this morning!
Does anyone comment and ask ‘Am I doing something wrong?’ or should I carry on being Victorian about it when it happens?
Gentlemen, if you had a ““friend”” in this situation, what would be y... his expectations?"
I don't think you are doing anything wrong but he probably felt bad and that he couldn't talk about it maybe?
Prob 1 of the pitfalls of a swinger type encounter..feels like a one off so lots of pressure?
Only my guess like.
I'd maybe try and talk to him. |
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I think full overnights are something best reserved for known partners, as you'll know if it's full action all night or you'll sleep well together.
My sleep needs are sacrosanct, so it's important that they're not ruined, when I need to get it. Some nights it's feasible to have a more restless night but I'd like to be in control. Men can have ED issues anytime and you're right not to focus on it but it doesn't mean all guys have fully taken it in their stride, it could be a pandoras box of trouble he brings along with him. No strings sex can make it more appropriate to just have action, with some affection but keep the rest of the time just for yourself, if in a hotel or at home. They can go to on, to manage their lives, personal stuff etc, in their own space.
I like an all night session as well as hours of intimacy but I prefer to reserve this to people I'm already very comfortable with. It can seem cold to be restrictive but it can save an occasional poor experience from growing awkward. Have escape options for others and your own health and wellbeing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Gemini man. Has this spot on.
I have experienced this myself.
It's not the woman, or the man.
If it helps, my experience was, anxiety, fear and the feeling of little self worth.
The situation does not help if you are expected to perform and feel worthless because one or many parts or the part of you feels out of line.
Men have hang ups too.
When it has happened to me, I have felt like, I didn't want to talk to anyone.
Didn't want to be touched.
I was angry at myself and the world.
If I was the woman in that situation, i would proberbly have suggested he goes home.
Neither of you need the stress.
So be considerate about a man's emotions, as much as men are expected to be considerate about a woman's emotions.
These are my own opinions.
Daddy. |
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"I think full overnights are something best reserved for known partners, as you'll know if it's full action all night or you'll sleep well together.
My sleep needs are sacrosanct, so it's important that they're not ruined, when I need to get it. Some nights it's feasible to have a more restless night but I'd like to be in control. Men can have ED issues anytime and you're right not to focus on it but it doesn't mean all guys have fully taken it in their stride, it could be a pandoras box of trouble he brings along with him. No strings sex can make it more appropriate to just have action, with some affection but keep the rest of the time just for yourself, if in a hotel or at home. They can go to on, to manage their lives, personal stuff etc, in their own space.
I like an all night session as well as hours of intimacy but I prefer to reserve this to people I'm already very comfortable with. It can seem cold to be restrictive but it can save an occasional poor experience from growing awkward. Have escape options for others and your own health and wellbeing "
100% this only had one overnight with regular guy so much better than a guy we hadnt made a connection with . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi I’m a fairly new swinger, just a few months and I have a question about etiquette.
On a few occasions during overnight hotel meets (never at home), the man hasn’t been able to keep his erection in the evening, for whatever reasons. I never comment or say anything, they usually keep quiet too or comment that they are tired. Sometimes morning wood saves the meet, sometimes not; but the mood always stays friendly with the guys... until last night’s gentleman. I faced a certain degree of coldness during the night and passive aggressive hostility this morning!
Does anyone comment and ask ‘Am I doing something wrong?’ or should I carry on being Victorian about it when it happens?
Gentlemen, if you had a ““friend”” in this situation, what would be y... his expectations?"
Sounds to me like he was keeping asecret
Maybe he was married with kids and guilt got a hold of him.or something else on his mind. It seems he was deliberately distancing emotionally to calm his own conscience
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By *zzy69Woman
over a year ago
The Lake District |
"I was going to reply by private message but I am blocked.
I think if a man is making you uncomfortable I would leave or at least say “ would you like me to go” unless of course I have paid for the room in which case it’s easier to ask him to go
Yes Izzy, you’re a woman! I only accept messages from men, sorry!
He didn’t make me feel uncomfortable until the morning when he opened the curtains to wake me. Rude! And he woke me because he was leaving to go to work. Problem solved!
If someone was uncomfortable during playtime it was all him but I can’t make any assumptions as to why he couldn’t keep it up: that would only add further pressure. Stupidly I liked the guy, found him good-looking and had no problem having multiple orgasms when he playing with my toys. I didn’t like he turned his back on me as soon as the lights were off but it didn’t justify leaving. The interaction in the morning was as brief as unpleasant but he left within a few minutes anyway."
Turning over and just going to sleep is just a man thing . Some of my favourite playmates have told me they have on occasion had Inexplicable ED so I would agree don’t make too much of it and have fun with toys etc.
I think the morning awkwardness might have been avoided if you had established before hand what time he had to leave for work and if it was ok for him to let you sleep and slip away? I would agree he quite possibly is married. If being held at night is part of what you want then it’s not unreasonable to say so before the meet. |
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"If someone was cold towards me regardless of the lead up I'd be asking what what wrong and if it was me
Sorry I should have phrased it differently. During the night as in sleeping time: no touching, turned his back on me as soon as lights were out."
SLeeping positions are weird - for orthopaedic reasons I can only sleep on one side...
Mr Icebreaker |
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When I was in my early twenties I had arranged to meet a girl called Renee whilst on holiday in my Florida hotel room. We met in a MSN chattrom! We’d decided in advance she was going to spend the night. When she arrived she looked fine, normal clothes and she was quite slim, long brown hair and I should have been really hard. I wasn’t tired or ill. For reasons unknown I never got a single erection in the 12 hours or so we were together. We kissed and I went down on her for hours (my speciality) then went to sleep next to the school other. In the morning we said our goodbyes and that was it. I think it was knowing that I was going to have to perform that put me off. V. odd and annoying for both of us. |
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Maybe I’m just more fortunate, but Iv never had an issue! Always stood to attention
Don’t really understand the cold shoulder turning of the back etc! Would find that quite rude to be honest!
If it was a stay over meet I’d expect good company all night!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe I’m just more fortunate, but Iv never had an issue! Always stood to attention
Don’t really understand the cold shoulder turning of the back etc! Would find that quite rude to be honest!
If it was a stay over meet I’d expect good company all night!
"
Give it time, you're young yet |
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"Maybe I’m just more fortunate, but Iv never had an issue! Always stood to attention
Don’t really understand the cold shoulder turning of the back etc! Would find that quite rude to be honest!
If it was a stay over meet I’d expect good company all night!
Give it time, you're young yet "
Always thought it was the last thing on a man to die |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I never do overnights personally but I’d suggest asking one of the nicer gentleman. If you can contact them on the phone/on Fab it might make the conversation slightly less awkward for both parties |
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We had 7 years of escorting and about 1 in 3 guys had erection problems, usually caused by the pressure of having to perform. As a couple we got round it by putting on a show, which often had the right effect. Maybe pleasure yourself, and let him take time to appreciate you and nature to take its course. |
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