FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Selecting a meet the process
Selecting a meet the process
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Why do guys seem to think that a hi wanna fuck is all that is required to get a meet.
We like to discuss what both party's would like to gain from the meet , how the meet is likely to go from the perspective of the potential male joining us and what they intend on doing.
Had so many guys reply saying " didn't realise was a job interview "
Well no it's not a job interview but it is a interview in terms of us deciding if your the right guy for us ,what's others opinions on how to select a suitable male to join their fun. are we to rigid or does our format work for others |
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Surely all that matters is that it works for you.
If a potential meet isn't happy in finding out what each party wants and is comfortable, then they aren't the right meet.
As with everything here, you have to follow what works for you, not what others do |
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Yeah most definitely I just wondered if anyone else had the same issues , a massive part of a successful meet is transparency from the start in our opinion,what we want what they want what we want from each other. To find this out I conversation is needed , just amuses us how some guys feel as though they don't wanna put the effort it in and feel a simple let's fuck I can meet y at X time works |
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Everyones process is different but if its worked before it should in theory work again i know men like waving they sausages around like its gods gift but not me a gentleman should keep it hidden till the female or couple want to see it.
But process wise i think you need to be comfortable with the guy cause at the end of the day you hes the one gonna be in your partner lol, so you have to either pick looks or quality of how they chat but yer keep with the same process if it hasnt failed you yet
Flippy  |
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By *sm265Woman
over a year ago
Shangri-la |
Loads of guys just want to meet & have sex, they are focused solely on getting their needs met & haven't actually considered that the people they meet need to get something from the experience too. They have no idea about swinging. A lot unfortunately only want to meet couples because they want to get laid & have failed to find a single female.
If they are not prepared to answer questions & have a conversation about how a possible meet might go, then they are unlikely to be what you are looking for.
Don't change what you do if it works for you. You can afford to be fussy & take time to find the right person, don't let anyone tell you what you should or shouldn't do. |
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Thabkyou glad it's not just us we didn't know if was been to picky , but our opinion is they are joining us firstly for our pleasure secondly theirs , with the idea of everyone knowing the boundaries to save any awkwardness at a later date !
"Loads of guys just want to meet & have sex, they are focused solely on getting their needs met & haven't actually considered that the people they meet need to get something from the experience too. They have no idea about swinging. A lot unfortunately only want to meet couples because they want to get laid & have failed to find a single female.
If they are not prepared to answer questions & have a conversation about how a possible meet might go, then they are unlikely to be what you are looking for.
Don't change what you do if it works for you. You can afford to be fussy & take time to find the right person, don't let anyone tell you what you should or shouldn't do. "
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"Loads of guys just want to meet & have sex, they are focused solely on getting their needs met & haven't actually considered that the people they meet need to get something from the experience too. They have no idea about swinging. A lot unfortunately only want to meet couples because they want to get laid & have failed to find a single female.
If they are not prepared to answer questions & have a conversation about how a possible meet might go, then they are unlikely to be what you are looking for.
Don't change what you do if it works for you. You can afford to be fussy & take time to find the right person, don't let anyone tell you what you should or shouldn't do. "
I hear you and not all men are like that those are the "gods gift" men lol im more focused on the females needs and wants if they get naked and dont feel like playing i always offer a massage a full body one mind you . But as all females know and couples there inboxes are awash with the whos who of dick pics lol,but crack on missy bag the right couple
 |
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By *sm265Woman
over a year ago
Shangri-la |
"Loads of guys just want to meet & have sex, they are focused solely on getting their needs met & haven't actually considered that the people they meet need to get something from the experience too. They have no idea about swinging. A lot unfortunately only want to meet couples because they want to get laid & have failed to find a single female.
If they are not prepared to answer questions & have a conversation about how a possible meet might go, then they are unlikely to be what you are looking for.
Don't change what you do if it works for you. You can afford to be fussy & take time to find the right person, don't let anyone tell you what you should or shouldn't do.
I hear you and not all men are like that those are the "gods gift" men lol im more focused on the females needs and wants if they get naked and dont feel like playing i always offer a massage a full body one mind you . But as all females know and couples there inboxes are awash with the whos who of dick pics lol,but crack on missy bag the right couple
"
I did say loads of guys on here are like that, not all! There are sone genuine men who will respect the fact that you want to ask questions & understand why, just takes a while to find them in amongst all the others! |
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"Loads of guys just want to meet & have sex, they are focused solely on getting their needs met & haven't actually considered that the people they meet need to get something from the experience too. They have no idea about swinging. A lot unfortunately only want to meet couples because they want to get laid & have failed to find a single female.
If they are not prepared to answer questions & have a conversation about how a possible meet might go, then they are unlikely to be what you are looking for.
Don't change what you do if it works for you. You can afford to be fussy & take time to find the right person, don't let anyone tell you what you should or shouldn't do.
I hear you and not all men are like that those are the "gods gift" men lol im more focused on the females needs and wants if they get naked and dont feel like playing i always offer a massage a full body one mind you . But as all females know and couples there inboxes are awash with the whos who of dick pics lol,but crack on missy bag the right couple
I did say loads of guys on here are like that, not all! There are sone genuine men who will respect the fact that you want to ask questions & understand why, just takes a while to find them in amongst all the others! "
Hopefully we all find what we need on this post i know the couples and ladys will I'll just happly sit in the corner till im noticed  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yeah most definitely I just wondered if anyone else had the same issues , a massive part of a successful meet is transparency from the start in our opinion,what we want what they want what we want from each other. To find this out I conversation is needed , just amuses us how some guys feel as though they don't wanna put the effort it in and feel a simple let's fuck I can meet y at X time works "
Your not the only one I think a lot of single ladies get this a lot ..myself included ..I’ve even put an update on my profile and I still keep getting the messages . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I have challenged males in the past as to what they want and what they intend on doing for me I have been told things like, I don't have time for this, it's a sex site, I can lick for hours (without even asking whether I like it or not), you're ugly anyway (!), just take a chance and drive over (!). I find that some males will try and obtain the guarantee of sex or at least a promise of without even sending a photo. I feel as though because I am on this site some males see me as a guaranteed shag and sat waiting to jump in my car and drive over. I say this because it has happened in the past. If the result had been a knee trembling bed wetting orgasm it would have been worth it but sadly most of them weren't. Ive even ended up paying for the hotel too with some meets. Disappointing. This is one of the reasons I prefer Clubs. You can see the person first off.
There are diamonds in the rough though, I would say keep up your standards and carry on doing what you are. You sometimes have to bypass a lot of toads before you find that Prince xx
Miss C
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The whole process is beset with problems. But most come down to the people looking to meet!
Some do sadly treat it as a job interview rather than the conversation it should be. I'm always happy to answer questions and to talk more generally; after all how everyone gets on is a lot more complicated than a tick list.
Of course the conversation cannot go on for ever. If it does, I often take it as a sign that I'm just feeding others sexual fantasies which don't actually include meeting!
Is there a right and wrong way though? No, other than the one that works for you. Some fellas maybe put off by having to engage with you. But let's be honest, if they find you hard going here, things wont get any better in bed will they....or on the living room floor, over the kitchen table (tick all that appply). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When I have challenged males in the past as to what they want and what they intend on doing for me I have been told things like, I don't have time for this, it's a sex site, I can lick for hours (without even asking whether I like it or not), you're ugly anyway (!), just take a chance and drive over (!). I find that some males will try and obtain the guarantee of sex or at least a promise of without even sending a photo. I feel as though because I am on this site some males see me as a guaranteed shag and sat waiting to jump in my car and drive over. I say this because it has happened in the past. If the result had been a knee trembling bed wetting orgasm it would have been worth it but sadly most of them weren't. Ive even ended up paying for the hotel too with some meets. Disappointing. This is one of the reasons I prefer Clubs. You can see the person first off.
There are diamonds in the rough though, I would say keep up your standards and carry on doing what you are. You sometimes have to bypass a lot of toads before you find that Prince xx
Miss C
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find that including what to put in the headline message and the request of not sending me a picture of their gentleman sausage or sending friend invitations on my profile helps greatly in me selecting who’s after a quick fumble and who’s going to actually be a decent playmate on if they’ve even bothered to read the profile in the first place or are just copy and pasting with hopes of a response from anyone. |
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Omg I couldn't have wrote that better myself they think it's a cattle market and were all gonna drop our knickers at the site or sounds of a cock or let's fuck !! Like I want licking out by someone I don't even know lol
"When I have challenged males in the past as to what they want and what they intend on doing for me I have been told things like, I don't have time for this, it's a sex site, I can lick for hours (without even asking whether I like it or not), you're ugly anyway (!), just take a chance and drive over (!). I find that some males will try and obtain the guarantee of sex or at least a promise of without even sending a photo. I feel as though because I am on this site some males see me as a guaranteed shag and sat waiting to jump in my car and drive over. I say this because it has happened in the past. If the result had been a knee trembling bed wetting orgasm it would have been worth it but sadly most of them weren't. Ive even ended up paying for the hotel too with some meets. Disappointing. This is one of the reasons I prefer Clubs. You can see the person first off.
There are diamonds in the rough though, I would say keep up your standards and carry on doing what you are. You sometimes have to bypass a lot of toads before you find that Prince xx
Miss C
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The whole process is beset with problems. But most come down to the people looking to meet!
Some do sadly treat it as a job interview rather than the conversation it should be. I'm always happy to answer questions and to talk more generally; after all how everyone gets on is a lot more complicated than a tick list.
Of course the conversation cannot go on for ever. If it does, I often take it as a sign that I'm just feeding others sexual fantasies which don't actually include meeting!
Is there a right and wrong way though? No, other than the one that works for you. Some fellas maybe put off by having to engage with you. But let's be honest, if they find you hard going here, things wont get any better in bed will they....or on the living room floor, over the kitchen table (tick all that appply). "
But if they don't make at least a bit of an effort on here, how can women be sure they are going to make an effort in the bedroom? It's swings and roundabouts.
I don't like feed other people's fantasies, which again I was once asked to at least provide photographs so the gentleman in question could have a wank after I told him he wasn't for me  |
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By *ast_jjMan
over a year ago
Dublin and London |
"Why do guys seem to think that a hi wanna fuck is all that is required to get a meet.
We like to discuss what both party's would like to gain from the meet , how the meet is likely to go from the perspective of the potential male joining us and what they intend on doing.
Had so many guys reply saying " didn't realise was a job interview "
Well no it's not a job interview but it is a interview in terms of us deciding if your the right guy for us ,what's others opinions on how to select a suitable male to join their fun. are we to rigid or does our format work for others "
Some guys just don't get it I'm afraid. I love getting to know the people I hope to meet. It makes for a far more enjoyable meet. |
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"The whole process is beset with problems. But most come down to the people looking to meet!
Some do sadly treat it as a job interview rather than the conversation it should be. I'm always happy to answer questions and to talk more generally; after all how everyone gets on is a lot more complicated than a tick list.
Of course the conversation cannot go on for ever. If it does, I often take it as a sign that I'm just feeding others sexual fantasies which don't actually include meeting!
Is there a right and wrong way though? No, other than the one that works for you. Some fellas maybe put off by having to engage with you. But let's be honest, if they find you hard going here, things wont get any better in bed will they....or on the living room floor, over the kitchen table (tick all that appply).
But if they don't make at least a bit of an effort on here, how can women be sure they are going to make an effort in the bedroom? It's swings and roundabouts.
I don't like feed other people's fantasies, which again I was once asked to at least provide photographs so the gentleman in question could have a wank after I told him he wasn't for me "
You echo everything I said - well much of it! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Unfortunately if you're on here, the format is mostly.
1.Meet at the drop of a hat.
2. Meet anyone, even if you don't fancy them and shag them.
3. Meet any gender, you're not allowed a preference.
4. Show people the ropes at clubs.
5. And finally, reply to every message as they need to know their answers.
And if you don't stick to the above, you're something along the lines of a pair of twats aparantly.
Just some of the daily grinds of Fab life as a couple.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately if you're on here, the format is mostly.
1.Meet at the drop of a hat.
2. Meet anyone, even if you don't fancy them and shag them.
3. Meet any gender, you're not allowed a preference.
4. Show people the ropes at clubs.
5. And finally, reply to every message as they need to know their answers.
And if you don't stick to the above, you're something along the lines of a pair of twats aparantly.
Just some of the daily grinds of Fab life as a couple.
"
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I love this never a truer world said ! Quite sad isn't it that were all adults but 75% act like they have only just discovered their cock
"Unfortunately if you're on here, the format is mostly.
1.Meet at the drop of a hat.
2. Meet anyone, even if you don't fancy them and shag them.
3. Meet any gender, you're not allowed a preference.
4. Show people the ropes at clubs.
5. And finally, reply to every message as they need to know their answers.
And if you don't stick to the above, you're something along the lines of a pair of twats aparantly.
Just some of the daily grinds of Fab life as a couple.
"
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"I love this never a truer world said ! Quite sad isn't it that were all adults but 75% act like they have only just discovered their cock
"
Is that what's it's called? Now I realise where I've been going wrong. Never sent anyone a picture of my rooster, but plenty have seen my penis! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I love this never a truer world said ! Quite sad isn't it that were all adults but 75% act like they have only just discovered their cock
Unfortunately if you're on here, the format is mostly.
1.Meet at the drop of a hat.
2. Meet anyone, even if you don't fancy them and shag them.
3. Meet any gender, you're not allowed a preference.
4. Show people the ropes at clubs.
5. And finally, reply to every message as they need to know their answers.
And if you don't stick to the above, you're something along the lines of a pair of twats aparantly.
Just some of the daily grinds of Fab life as a couple.
"
So true, all of this. It is irksome to us but it IS a useful filter for excluding people who may well be deeply unpleasant in real life. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
The one time we engaged in lengthy online chats it all went wrong.
We tend to decide straight away by profile text, photos and the first message or 2. It’s either not meeting, meet and almost certainly play, meet with option to play, social (rare) if we’re a bit unsure or they are very hot and insist.
Find it better to get to know someone face to face than online |
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"Why do guys seem to think that a hi wanna fuck is all that is required to get a meet.
We like to discuss what both party's would like to gain from the meet , how the meet is likely to go from the perspective of the potential male joining us and what they intend on doing.
Had so many guys reply saying " didn't realise was a job interview "
Well no it's not a job interview but it is a interview in terms of us deciding if your the right guy for us ,what's others opinions on how to select a suitable male to join their fun. are we to rigid or does our format work for others "
I can see that some might find it a tad clinical and officious. But it's your profile and whatever suits you. Of course there are guys that will jump through every hoop you put in front of them. Then there will be guys who will have their own selection process |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why do guys seem to think that a hi wanna fuck is all that is required to get a meet."
Nah, would never talk to anybody like this, still get no meets, or even conversation... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Loads of guys just want to meet & have sex, they are focused solely on getting their needs met & haven't actually considered that the people they meet need to get something from the experience too. They have no idea about swinging. A lot unfortunately only want to meet couples because they want to get laid & have failed to find a single female.
If they are not prepared to answer questions & have a conversation about how a possible meet might go, then they are unlikely to be what you are looking for.
Don't change what you do if it works for you. You can afford to be fussy & take time to find the right person, don't let anyone tell you what you should or shouldn't do. "
This. Exactly this. This honestly sounds like a very vast majority on here judging by the messages I get  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've had to turn down some beautiful looking men, purely because their attitude was so stinky. Zero patience in trying to organize a meet (I'm a single mum to two kids and I work full time) A guy actually said "are you on here for sex or not?" It's actually so disappointing  |
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"I've had to turn down some beautiful looking men, purely because their attitude was so stinky. Zero patience in trying to organize a meet (I'm a single mum to two kids and I work full time) A guy actually said "are you on here for sex or not?" It's actually so disappointing "
Im always a respectable gentleman i treat people how i want to be treated i dont see why some men have thr nerve to think of women of cows,objects,peices or meat,a fuck hole (sorry about these words just giving examples) there's no need to all females and couples are human beings and should be talked to as such.
No ones gonna meet a man who is rude and throws tantrums so all guys be nice and if you cant be nice then frankly this sites not for you try paying for it instead!
Respect the ladys guys |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We don’t meet others that often so we put some ground work in to make sure they’re going to be as enjoyable and successful as possible.
Initially we need to share as many sexual interests as possible including them being comfortable playing with a Tv. It’s amazing the amount of people who contact us and have no experience at all. That could be a disaster waiting to happen.
We like to build up a rapport to see if we’re compatible in other ways too. We are inviting people we have never met into our home, that’s always a risk.
We can afford to take our time, we never do on the spur meets and so far it’s served us very well. Hope I haven’t just jinxed that!
Miss V |
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By *sm265Woman
over a year ago
Shangri-la |
actually I think it should be a bit like an interview process, first via message, then via at least one social meet and then, & only then, if all parties are happy to go ahead, the candidate makes it through to the practical test.
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Exactly that's the thing it's also a safety aspect of it
"We don’t meet others that often so we put some ground work in to make sure they’re going to be as enjoyable and successful as possible.
Initially we need to share as many sexual interests as possible including them being comfortable playing with a Tv. It’s amazing the amount of people who contact us and have no experience at all. That could be a disaster waiting to happen.
We like to build up a rapport to see if we’re compatible in other ways too. We are inviting people we have never met into our home, that’s always a risk.
We can afford to take our time, we never do on the spur meets and so far it’s served us very well. Hope I haven’t just jinxed that!
Miss V"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I guess the sausage fests heavily overshadows the gents on here which is a shame as it shufts the dynamic and expectations for everyone but hey what can you do?
A lot of people have a passive defensive attitude towards others who theyve never met based on site experience and that comes off as distasteful
Just have fun, stick to your standards and keep an open mind.
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"are we to rigid or does our format work for others "
We are the same. There is no point going into a meet with different people expecting different things. Don't get me wrong we aren't talking about scripted meets where he will do this, then she will do that, then he will touch here and she will..... etc, but a general idea of who wants what makes a massive difference. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Unfortunately if you're on here, the format is mostly.
1.Meet at the drop of a hat.
2. Meet anyone, even if you don't fancy them and shag them.
3. Meet any gender, you're not allowed a preference.
4. Show people the ropes at clubs.
5. And finally, reply to every message as they need to know their answers.
And if you don't stick to the above, you're something along the lines of a pair of twats aparantly.
Just some of the daily grinds of Fab life as a couple.
"
Spot on! X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I feel at times like I'm searching for/ expecting something that doesn't exist. But I know it exists because I've been in the situation before.
I have friends who I KNOW want what's best for me. They look out for me, they have my back and treat me like a princess but will call me out if I'm being a cow. They truly love me as a person, as another human, as a friend. They would NEVER cross boundaries, push too far or ask anything of me they know is taking the piss.
These are the kind of people I'd love to find more of.
For me personally I need to know that those I'm mingling with care.
I don't mean care about what I'm doing next week or if I'm going on holiday this year, I mean care that I'm comfortable.
I need those who respect my brain, my experiences, and how they're behaviour may impact me and my relationship with B.
As the third party joining a couple my main concern was their relationship, and how my presence would affect it, if it would affect it, and what I could do to make sure there was no negative impact. These people were inviting me into it, the very least I could do was respect it.
I would ask so many questions, and they would of me too. How did you end up here? What would you change about it if you could? What's the worst thing and the best thing about it?
The same answers kept coming up with regards to best and worst. Worst: liars and those who say what you want to hear to get through the door and into your undies.
Best: those diamonds who care. Properly care. The ones who are unselfish, giving and you can tell by their vibe that they will do you no harm. The ones that want what's best for everyone involved not just themselves.
This takes time to discover, but time worth taking when you find them.
Good luck on your quest.
P |
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"actually I think it should be a bit like an interview process, first via message, then via at least one social meet and then, & only then, if all parties are happy to go ahead, the candidate makes it through to the practical test.
"
Practical? Do I have to dig out my old lab coat? |
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