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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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My situation hasn't always been straight forward, but I'm lucky to have a husband who has let me be me and supported me while I have been finding myself ... even though it hasn't been his thing at all.
But now, new development ... he wants in  we are going to start with some club meets together. I am so used to going on my own though!! What do I do? How can I help him enjoy it? He's really shy and quite vanilla where I am the opposite.
Any feedback and advice so appreciated from people in similar positions.
Thanks |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"A good open chat before the club is a must ?
Let him look around at his own pace and ask him what is he going to be ok with seeing what you get up to,
Have fun"
That's great advice, thanks Sam xxx |
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Also worth considering meeting another couple socially and going with them to the club. A couple maybe that have no expectations of play. If your hubby is slightly shy striking up convo can be a challenge and at least a familiar face or two can help as a safe space? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Also worth considering meeting another couple socially and going with them to the club. A couple maybe that have no expectations of play. If your hubby is slightly shy striking up convo can be a challenge and at least a familiar face or two can help as a safe space?"
Diamond!! Great advice |
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I'm out of your age range so the 'no expectations of play' fits 
If interested look at our couples profile and contact us there, worst it can do is lead to cheeky banter and draw your hubby (willingly) in.  |
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What about an FFM for him, so he feels spoilt?
I imagine if he saw you go full steam ahead, he may feel a bit left behind. So, maybe you need to rewind a bit and go more slowly (at least when with him, at first).
Would he like to soft swing with you first? Or watch you?
He may surprise you, of course!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dress him up in a rubber slave outfit and gag him and have him follow you around on a leash, then he doesn't have to say anything and can simply observe all night (joking of course) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There's already been some great advice given here, but I agree, maybe finding a couple or a single female to go to the club with might help him feel more at ease. Or keeping it to just the two of you and treating it as a chance to socialize and let him see what it's all about untill he finds his feet a little. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Definitely work out the dynamics beforehand so he doesn’t feel flustered if a “moment” arises. E.g is he comfortable sitting on the sidelines if you were to want to go off to play. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dress him up in a rubber slave outfit and gag him and have him follow you around on a leash, then he doesn't have to say anything and can simply observe all night (joking of course)"
He would love that hahaha!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What about an FFM for him, so he feels spoilt?
I imagine if he saw you go full steam ahead, he may feel a bit left behind. So, maybe you need to rewind a bit and go more slowly (at least when with him, at first).
Would he like to soft swing with you first? Or watch you?
He may surprise you, of course! "
That's definitely what we are looking for I'm happy to lead in chatting to people with him being shy but looking forward to taking a step back in play and let him lead in what he wants to do so he's comfortable
Lots I hadn't thought about on this thread |
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We sort of have this dynamic. Robs the chatty social one and Steph can be a bit quiet until she gets comfortable. I'll tend to lead things and make openings in conversations that I know she can fill.
After that, I'll look for situations that I know she would feel confident in and lead her in. If she's not happy then we both back away.
In your case, find out your husbands boundaries and fantasies and see if you can set them up. Then see how he reacts and go from there. |
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It might be worth meeting and possibly playing outside of a club environment. Going to a club especially one which has quite a bit of activity can be intimidating.
So a few meets (possibly with people you know from the club) in a familiar environment may make things easier. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It might be worth meeting and possibly playing outside of a club environment. Going to a club especially one which has quite a bit of activity can be intimidating.
So a few meets (possibly with people you know from the club) in a familiar environment may make things easier."
We have children at home and rarely have a kid free night. Tried before meeting couples but we got let down a lot and when we can only get such limited time on our own figured we would have more success in a club and if we don't we have had a night out together
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By *enninemarkMan
over a year ago
huddersfield/manchester |
Maybe visiting a club neither of you have been to, so you are exploring it together rather than you showing him. Might make it feel easier for him, and you might meet people you don't know, so you start fresh as a couple? |
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