FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Losing faith already , can anyone help?
Losing faith already , can anyone help?
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Still pretty new, but we're getting really frustrated with this site.
What's with all the fake profiles, time wasters and ghosters?
We regularly attend our local club and could not love it more. Made great friends, had some brilliant plays, get on with everyone we meet and have a generally awesome time. Then as soon as we come on here, rage inducing frustration.
We have a detailed profile with public face pictures (we have been assured multiple times that it's a pretty decent profile with good pictures), we're open, honest, respectful, always clear about what we're looking for and where our limits are. We've got good varis, all from actual meets and we don't message anyone who doesn't match with us as we always take the time to properly read profiles and interests before sending out a message. We're active in the forums and always offer something for the other parties to respond to.
Despite all this, we haven't had a response from an ice-breaker message in over a week, but the number of messages from fake profiles, time wasters, single guys hiding behind a couple's profile and idiots who clearly haven't read a single word of our profile are on the up. It's all we seem to get.
When we do get a bit of a chat going, we get ghosted and deleted after a couple of replies. Or, a rude response. We are astounded at how judgemental and nasty some people on here can be - it's a singer's site! We're all on here for the same reason!!
It seems that just because we don't want to invite you directly to our home after a single message in the middle of the night we are SOOL.
Yes, we have some requirements before we hand over our personal phone numbers and address - a recent selfie so we know who we're talking to (we get that some people can't be as open on here as us) and a public social for everyone involved to feel safe and comfortable with no pressure before we consider either visiting their home or having them at ours. That is literally all that we ask for.
So where are we going wrong? We don't want to be another couple moaning about "how crap fab has gotten", but there seems to be way more toxic people here than genuine swingers.
Sorry for the rant, but we are feeling really disheartened at the constant stream of dead ends. Please, if you can offer some helpful advice, or if you're up for a chat with a genuine, friendly and fun couple, do get in touch. |
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"Still pretty new, but we're getting really frustrated with this site.
What's with all the fake profiles, time wasters and ghosters?
We regularly attend our local club and could not love it more. Made great friends, had some brilliant plays, get on with everyone we meet and have a generally awesome time. Then as soon as we come on here, rage inducing frustration.
We have a detailed profile with public face pictures (we have been assured multiple times that it's a pretty decent profile with good pictures), we're open, honest, respectful, always clear about what we're looking for and where our limits are. We've got good varis, all from actual meets and we don't message anyone who doesn't match with us as we always take the time to properly read profiles and interests before sending out a message. We're active in the forums and always offer something for the other parties to respond to.
Despite all this, we haven't had a response from an ice-breaker message in over a week, but the number of messages from fake profiles, time wasters, single guys hiding behind a couple's profile and idiots who clearly haven't read a single word of our profile are on the up. It's all we seem to get.
When we do get a bit of a chat going, we get ghosted and deleted after a couple of replies. Or, a rude response. We are astounded at how judgemental and nasty some people on here can be - it's a singer's site! We're all on here for the same reason!!
It seems that just because we don't want to invite you directly to our home after a single message in the middle of the night we are SOOL.
Yes, we have some requirements before we hand over our personal phone numbers and address - a recent selfie so we know who we're talking to (we get that some people can't be as open on here as us) and a public social for everyone involved to feel safe and comfortable with no pressure before we consider either visiting their home or having them at ours. That is literally all that we ask for.
So where are we going wrong? We don't want to be another couple moaning about "how crap fab has gotten", but there seems to be way more toxic people here than genuine swingers.
Sorry for the rant, but we are feeling really disheartened at the constant stream of dead ends. Please, if you can offer some helpful advice, or if you're up for a chat with a genuine, friendly and fun couple, do get in touch. "
Can't offer advice but just share my personal experiences. I'm in similar position to you and just put it down to I'm looking for something decent and genuine. But there's just too many half hearted people who love playing games on here. Hopefully one of the guys you chat to will click with you. I know I'm very particular and not the norm so don't expect to get on with everyone I chat to. But I been polite, honest and genuine to them. But don't get it in return.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have Patience  "
Indeed as fab is what it is so grow tougher skin and learn how to delete block and don’t get too excited til you actually meet some one and always proof read before you send(I don’t but I’m a numpty) as it’s a swingers site and not a singers site but hey I found it funny!!
Best of luck.
T |
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" Can't offer advice but just share my personal experiences. I'm in similar position to you and just put it down to I'm looking for something decent and genuine. But there's just too many half hearted people who love playing games on here. Hopefully one of the guys you chat to will click with you. I know I'm very particular and not the norm so don't expect to get on with everyone I chat to. But I been polite, honest and genuine to them. But don't get it in return. "
No worries about not having any advice, it is just nice to see we aren't alone in our feelings and frustrations.
We don't expect everyone we speak to to turn into something, but we seem to be getting a lot of people who are messaging us first and then just deleting us because we aren't after what they are. And they didn't read before messaging.
People warned us it would be like that a bit on here but it has gone past what we expected we guess. |
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"Have Patience
Indeed as fab is what it is so grow tougher skin and learn how to delete block and don’t get too excited til you actually meet some one and always proof read before you send(I don’t but I’m a numpty) as it’s a swingers site and not a singers site but hey I found it funny!!
Best of luck.
T"
We are working on the patience thing, guess we need more work than we thought.
Think part of the problem is we are still in the "don't want to hurt people's feelings" mindset and we need to get out of it. |
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"If you're having great success at clubs, why does it matter what your experience is like here? Maybe just stick to clubs if that's already working for you. "
Definately an approach we are considering and we are trying to focus on the club encounters as they are going better for us but some days it just seems to get on top of us.
We didn't even know about this place until we joined the club. It was recommended to us as a "great place to make connections and build friendships". We're guessing that quote was missing the parts about the frustrations. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have Patience
Indeed as fab is what it is so grow tougher skin and learn how to delete block and don’t get too excited til you actually meet some one and always proof read before you send(I don’t but I’m a numpty) as it’s a swingers site and not a singers site but hey I found it funny!!
Best of luck.
T
We are working on the patience thing, guess we need more work than we thought.
Think part of the problem is we are still in the "don't want to hurt people's feelings" mindset and we need to get out of it."
You are on here for you. Not anyone else. |
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" You are on here for you. Not anyone else."
Think this is something we keep forgetting; both raised to put everyone else's feelings before our own so trying to break the habit of a life time.
Just think our patience levels have been pushed past their limit after over a month of being ghosted/deleted. We understand that if a message is not replied to or is deleted after being read then it is a "no thank you". It is the ones who reach out to us first then disappear.
We just can't understand why people would waste time like that. Not just the time of whoever they are contacting but their own time as well. |
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I can tell you're frustrated and sympathise but I think you need to accept fab as it is, not as you'd like it to be.
Nearly all of us get messages from people who haven't read our profile. We either reply politely explaining we aren't compatible or we block the profile.
I don't know how you define ghosting but to me it's people who you've met who then cut all communication. Is that happening to you? Or is it people you're !messaging who then stop responding? That happens a lot too.
Have you got all your mail filters set? Have you considered blocking everyone and just !messaging people you like the look of?
This is supposed to be fun, if it's causing you a lot of stress and frustration you might need to change your approach and the way you think about things.
Hope your experience improves. |
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"Still pretty new, but we're getting really frustrated with this site.
What's with all the fake profiles, time wasters and ghosters?
We regularly attend our local club and could not love it more. Made great friends, had some brilliant plays, get on with everyone we meet and have a generally awesome time. Then as soon as we come on here, rage inducing frustration.
We have a detailed profile with public face pictures (we have been assured multiple times that it's a pretty decent profile with good pictures), we're open, honest, respectful, always clear about what we're looking for and where our limits are. We've got good varis, all from actual meets and we don't message anyone who doesn't match with us as we always take the time to properly read profiles and interests before sending out a message. We're active in the forums and always offer something for the other parties to respond to.
Despite all this, we haven't had a response from an ice-breaker message in over a week, but the number of messages from fake profiles, time wasters, single guys hiding behind a couple's profile and idiots who clearly haven't read a single word of our profile are on the up. It's all we seem to get.
When we do get a bit of a chat going, we get ghosted and deleted after a couple of replies. Or, a rude response. We are astounded at how judgemental and nasty some people on here can be - it's a singer's site! We're all on here for the same reason!!
It seems that just because we don't want to invite you directly to our home after a single message in the middle of the night we are SOOL.
Yes, we have some requirements before we hand over our personal phone numbers and address - a recent selfie so we know who we're talking to (we get that some people can't be as open on here as us) and a public social for everyone involved to feel safe and comfortable with no pressure before we consider either visiting their home or having them at ours. That is literally all that we ask for.
So where are we going wrong? We don't want to be another couple moaning about "how crap fab has gotten", but there seems to be way more toxic people here than genuine swingers.
Sorry for the rant, but we are feeling really disheartened at the constant stream of dead ends. Please, if you can offer some helpful advice, or if you're up for a chat with a genuine, friendly and fun couple, do get in touch. "
Had that been a single man ranting and sounding so entitled he would have had his balls fed to him through a cheesegrater. Settle to a panic. Patience and humility goes a long way.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Jesus your profile is bigger then the bible! You have 10 verifications your doing better then most people a but yeah honestly half your profile should be what you talk with to couples your interested in 15 points of no no no no this no that blah blah giving me a headache haha!
Also you are full soft swap only? So are you full or soft, what is full soft swap? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi to you both. Please take this in the spirit of how it’s meant and don’t take offence but I honestly think you’re taking the whole Fab thing way too seriously. It should be there to add a bit of spice to your lives not cause you the distress and frustration it seems to be doing.
I had a look at your profile and it’s angry and shouty with a list of demands. I totally understand you’re irritated but after only five weeks? Wait till you’ve been here for a couple of years or more!
Take a step back, rewrite your profile so it’s not as long and detailed (and angry) and stick to the basics. We have changed our profile many times to reflect our changing needs and what we’re looking for. There are many time wasters and fakes but you will learn to spot them. Don’t expect everyone on here to be as decent and straightforward as you are. There ARE many genuine people on here it just takes time, patience and a fair few letdowns along the way to find them.
You sound like a lovely couple. Stick with it but don’t let it rule your lives. Best of luck to you both.
V xx |
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If you want honest thoughts, I checked your profile earlier and it is soooooo negative and looks to have no bearing on your potential status here. It's a seriously unpleasant thing to read and I can only imagine you come across similar in messages..? Always remember to question your own actions, not just blanket assume it's everyone else in the wrong. |
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Unfortunately part and parcel of fab is the time wasters and fakes but you just have to crack on, find your own way of sussing people out.
I mean this is a constructive way not digging but your profile is very long and not very appeasing looking at it from a single woman’s point of view. You put that you are here for your enjoyment, then I would just feel like I would be helping you out and not been there for my enjoyment and experience also. X |
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"Hi to you both. Please take this in the spirit of how it’s meant and don’t take offence but I honestly think you’re taking the whole Fab thing way too seriously. It should be there to add a bit of spice to your lives not cause you the distress and frustration it seems to be doing.
I had a look at your profile and it’s angry and shouty with a list of demands. I totally understand you’re irritated but after only five weeks? Wait till you’ve been here for a couple of years or more!
Take a step back, rewrite your profile so it’s not as long and detailed (and angry) and stick to the basics. We have changed our profile many times to reflect our changing needs and what we’re looking for. There are many time wasters and fakes but you will learn to spot them. Don’t expect everyone on here to be as decent and straightforward as you are. There ARE many genuine people on here it just takes time, patience and a fair few letdowns along the way to find them.
You sound like a lovely couple. Stick with it but don’t let it rule your lives. Best of luck to you both.
V xx"
Just wanted to add that up until this afternoon, when we woke up to another barrage of unwanted and rude messages, the No list wasn't there. We've had arsey messages saying there wasn't enough clarity and detail so we thought we'd take the more direct approach. Which seems to also be wrong? We just want to be as clear and honest as possible but whatever approach we take seems to go nowhere. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi to you both. Please take this in the spirit of how it’s meant and don’t take offence but I honestly think you’re taking the whole Fab thing way too seriously. It should be there to add a bit of spice to your lives not cause you the distress and frustration it seems to be doing.
I had a look at your profile and it’s angry and shouty with a list of demands. I totally understand you’re irritated but after only five weeks? Wait till you’ve been here for a couple of years or more!
Take a step back, rewrite your profile so it’s not as long and detailed (and angry) and stick to the basics. We have changed our profile many times to reflect our changing needs and what we’re looking for. There are many time wasters and fakes but you will learn to spot them. Don’t expect everyone on here to be as decent and straightforward as you are. There ARE many genuine people on here it just takes time, patience and a fair few letdowns along the way to find them.
You sound like a lovely couple. Stick with it but don’t let it rule your lives. Best of luck to you both.
V xx
Just wanted to add that up until this afternoon, when we woke up to another barrage of unwanted and rude messages, the No list wasn't there. We've had arsey messages saying there wasn't enough clarity and detail so we thought we'd take the more direct approach. Which seems to also be wrong? We just want to be as clear and honest as possible but whatever approach we take seems to go nowhere."
Really sorry your experience on Fab has been like this. We haven’t come across these problems with messages. What are they being rude about? If they’re abusive report them and block. Don’t be tempted to reply.
It’s YOUR profile and should reflect what you’re looking for but few people take the time to read such a long one and the shouty capitals are certainly going to put most off which is a shame as I’m sure it’s not a true reflection of who you are.
Take a deep breath and start again x |
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Thank you for all the constructive feedback in your replies.
We changed our profile earlier in the heat of the moment and now cooler heads have returned we realise it was a mistake.
It seems despite trying not to we were taking things here too seriously and forgetting why we joined in the first place.
We have had a very rough vanilla life for the past month and we think this was just emotions going in the wrong direction.
Once again, thank you for the constructive advice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you for all the constructive feedback in your replies.
We changed our profile earlier in the heat of the moment and now cooler heads have returned we realise it was a mistake.
It seems despite trying not to we were taking things here too seriously and forgetting why we joined in the first place.
We have had a very rough vanilla life for the past month and we think this was just emotions going in the wrong direction.
Once again, thank you for the constructive advice."
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