FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Losing hope!
Losing hope!
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So I'm just wondering if anyone else is finding it a bit soul destroying on here at times! I've tried to follow advice I've read on here before but not having any luck. I understand that people have their own taste but feel like I might never find anyone interested on here again! Not sure what I'm hoping to achieve by this post but maybe something to inspire hope, whatever that might be!! |
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"Yeah I really want to try but I'm super nervous. Would want to go with someone else but need to find someone. Vicious circle! "
I went on my own the first time. It’s only like a normal bar. So long as you get chatting it’s fine |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So I'm just wondering if anyone else is finding it a bit soul destroying on here at times! I've tried to follow advice I've read on here before but not having any luck. I understand that people have their own taste but feel like I might never find anyone interested on here again! Not sure what I'm hoping to achieve by this post but maybe something to inspire hope, whatever that might be!! "
Abandon hope all ye who enter here. |
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"Yeah I really want to try but I'm super nervous. Would want to go with someone else but need to find someone. Vicious circle!
I went on my own the first time. It’s only like a normal bar. So long as you get chatting it’s fine "
Well I'm sure you had no shortage of people wanting to chat to you! I'd be worried about looking like a total creeper! I do want to try though. Just need to grow some balls I guess! |
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"Yeah I really want to try but I'm super nervous. Would want to go with someone else but need to find someone. Vicious circle!
I went on my own the first time. It’s only like a normal bar. So long as you get chatting it’s fine
Well I'm sure you had no shortage of people wanting to chat to you! I'd be worried about looking like a total creeper! I do want to try though. Just need to grow some balls I guess! "
A good club will make you feel welcome & introduce you to some of the regulars. Clubs are hugely social |
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"Try going to a club or an organised social
. This is good advice.
Also join in the forums where possible. You chat to some fantastic people
Yep agree with all the above 
D."
Yeah cheers for the advice guys. Need to get involved in the forums I think. Never really been one for online over the real thing but as you say it's a good way to meet people in the first place. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
It's only soul destroying if you let it be OP - take a more laid back, whatever will be will be approach and you'll be surprised how much of a difference that in itself can make.
You've not asked for profile advice so I can't offer any, but that is often where people let themselves down - so take a look at yours and be honest about whether it is appealing and likely to pique interest, both in the text and pics.
People also think there's only one way to approach the site, and that's sending cold messages to people they've never interacted with before - whilst it *is* a way, it's possibly the most likely to deflate and cause you to find it soul destroying - so think of other approaches you can use, the forums is a great way to get to know people and them to know you, I'd imagine the chat rooms would be much the same too - but in both instances you have to keep plugging away, join in and get yourself known - then there are clubs or organised socials which again are good ways to meet people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What’s your travel time limits??
Don't really have any (within reason). Would depend what was happening etc. But I can travel pretty widely. "
Well we’re not overly far from each other if you fancied coming to my inbox  |
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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago
Maldon and Peterborough |
"Try going to a club or an organised social
. This is good advice.
Also join in the forums where possible. You chat to some fantastic people
Yep agree with all the above
D.
Yeah cheers for the advice guys. Need to get involved in the forums I think. Never really been one for online over the real thing but as you say it's a good way to meet people in the first place. "
Just one bit of advice on the forums - be nice and be yourself. People notice positivity. |
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"It's only soul destroying if you let it be OP - take a more laid back, whatever will be will be approach and you'll be surprised how much of a difference that in itself can make.
You've not asked for profile advice so I can't offer any, but that is often where people let themselves down - so take a look at yours and be honest about whether it is appealing and likely to pique interest, both in the text and pics.
People also think there's only one way to approach the site, and that's sending cold messages to people they've never interacted with before - whilst it *is* a way, it's possibly the most likely to deflate and cause you to find it soul destroying - so think of other approaches you can use, the forums is a great way to get to know people and them to know you, I'd imagine the chat rooms would be much the same too - but in both instances you have to keep plugging away, join in and get yourself known - then there are clubs or organised socials which again are good ways to meet people."
Cheers. Yeah I've tried to improve my profile but not sure if it's been a success! |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"What’s your travel time limits??
Don't really have any (within reason). Would depend what was happening etc. But I can travel pretty widely.
Well we’re not overly far from each other if you fancied coming to my inbox "
There you go OP....soul undestroyed potentially 
What a lovely thing to see too |
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Cheers. Yeah I've tried to improve my profile but not sure if it's been a success!
Are you asking the question or expressing doubts? If the former I'll give a view if not I shan't "
Haha - interesting question. Well I'm happy to hear your thoughts although try and be gentle! |
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"What’s your travel time limits??
Don't really have any (within reason). Would depend what was happening etc. But I can travel pretty widely.
Well we’re not overly far from each other if you fancied coming to my inbox
There you go OP....soul undestroyed potentially
What a lovely thing to see too"
Well fingers crossed. Would be quite a result! But yes soul destruction could be put off for a while hopefully... |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
For me - I use fab to keep in contact with people I have met through the club scene. The reason is that I don’t have a lot of spare time to meet people outside of weekends, and rather than have potential time wasters - I rather say I am going to a club, rock up and see who is there |
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"So I'm just wondering if anyone else is finding it a bit soul destroying on here at times! I've tried to follow advice I've read on here before but not having any luck. I understand that people have their own taste but feel like I might never find anyone interested on here again! Not sure what I'm hoping to achieve by this post but maybe something to inspire hope, whatever that might be!! "
Why what’s the problem OP? |
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Why what’s the problem OP?
Just find it slightly deflating to read what most women are looking for in their profiles and also just not really making connections here. But I guess that's my fault as well for not engaging on forums and stuff.
Just feeling sorry for myself I guess! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What’s your travel time limits??
Don't really have any (within reason). Would depend what was happening etc. But I can travel pretty widely.
Well we’re not overly far from each other if you fancied coming to my inbox
There you go OP....soul undestroyed potentially
What a lovely thing to see too"
I might destroy him in other ways now he’s found my inbox  |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"
Cheers. Yeah I've tried to improve my profile but not sure if it's been a success!
Are you asking the question or expressing doubts? If the former I'll give a view if not I shan't
Haha - interesting question. Well I'm happy to hear your thoughts although try and be gentle! "
Honest (and constructive) answer - your text isn't bad - perhaps needs a little meat on the bones to build on what you have but broadly speaking it's ok.
Two points I'd pick up on about it - firstly you say you can't accommodate which sadly some choose to read as you're attached - so if that's not the case you might want to clarify, and even if it is, be honest about it (not a criticism or judgement at all by the way). Secondly you say you've met a few couples, and yet your two veris are both from men - nothing wrong with that at all, but *some* might take it that you're either lying or hiding something so again you may want to clarify.
The biggest problem though would be your pics whilst they're not awful (and kudos for posting face pics) they don't show you off well either (as alluded to in one of your veris) - try and come up with ideas that show you off better, learn how to use the timer feature on your phone camera and get creative - take a look at other (verified) guys pics for inspiration and ideas of what might work for you - you can achieve a lot with some very simple camera work and there are lots of things that go down well...open jeans, suits, bum shots, unbuttoned shirts and more
Hope that helps |
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"
Honest (and constructive) answer - your text isn't bad - perhaps needs a little meat on the bones to build on what you have but broadly speaking it's ok.
Two points I'd pick up on about it - firstly you say you can't accommodate which sadly some choose to read as you're attached - so if that's not the case you might want to clarify, and even if it is, be honest about it (not a criticism or judgement at all by the way). Secondly you say you've met a few couples, and yet your two veris are both from men - nothing wrong with that at all, but *some* might take it that you're either lying or hiding something so again you may want to clarify.
The biggest problem though would be your pics whilst they're not awful (and kudos for posting face pics) they don't show you off well either (as alluded to in one of your veris) - try and come up with ideas that show you off better, learn how to use the timer feature on your phone camera and get creative - take a look at other (verified) guys pics for inspiration and ideas of what might work for you - you can achieve a lot with some very simple camera work and there are lots of things that go down well...open jeans, suits, bum shots, unbuttoned shirts and more
Hope that helps "
Thanks for that. I appreciate you taking the time to have a look and offer constructive feedback. I'll try and make changes where possible. I know the veris are an issue but the two mmfs I've had were not from here, so I want to mention them but know it sounds suspect.
Will try and take some better pics as well - not sure how well that will go!!
Thanks again |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"
Will try and take some better pics as well - not sure how well that will go!!
Thanks again"
Just have fun with it - take loads and whittle them down - as I said the timer feature (or better still voice activation if you have it) is your friend - add in some basic editing (cropping and black and white etc) and you can get really good results |
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Any club worth its salt will make you feel welcome and put you at your ease.
I (h) was terrified the first time that I went to a club as I had all sorts of presumptions, all of which turned out to be unfounded. I’m now someone who scans the ‘what’s on’ and tried to fit in as many visits as I can (work and real life allowing).
Hope that you find one that you like and happy swinging. |
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By *etro1940sCouple
over a year ago
Kingston upon Thames |
"Try going to a club or an organised social"
totally agree ... several trips to a club and providing feedback via the clubs tab would be a good idea. One verification does wonders for a start to this journey.
|
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"Thanks very much. Yeah I guess I'm just worried going as a single guy who isn't gym fit let's say, (although I'm trying!)
It's really daunting but I can't really complain when I've not tried it. "
Not everyone wants gym fit just go and meet people I find there is nothing more off putting than a grown man needing somone to hold his hand so to speak lol x |
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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago
Craggy Island |
"So I'm just wondering if anyone else is finding it a bit soul destroying on here at times! I've tried to follow advice I've read on here before but not having any luck. I understand that people have their own taste but feel like I might never find anyone interested on here again! Not sure what I'm hoping to achieve by this post but maybe something to inspire hope, whatever that might be!! "
You may have to work a bit harder, try clubs, organise social and try and create connection with other swingers. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Thanks very much. Yeah I guess I'm just worried going as a single guy who isn't gym fit let's say, (although I'm trying!)
It's really daunting but I can't really complain when I've not tried it. "
Trust me, I was (and still am) nowhere near gym fit when I used to go to clubs - put aside any preconceived ideas you might have of them being full of Adonis' with rippling muscles and glamour model type women - they're really not like that at all - they're full of normal, everyday people of all shapes, sizes and backgrounds.
I can still remember the first time I went to a club, was ridiculously nervous beforehand but it really was like walking into the local pub except everyone was slightly better dressed - the moment I dropped the towel to step naked into the hot tub was one of the most liberating experiences I've had - realising that no-one was staring at me, no-one was pointing and laughing - just normal people having a good time. |
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Not everyone wants gym fit just go and meet people I find there is nothing more off putting than a grown man needing somone to hold his hand so to speak lol x"
Haha - fair enough. I do know I have a tendency to overthink these things sometimes, but just can't help but be worried about being seen as a creepy single guy or out of place. But again it's speculation as never been to a party or club.
And Ill try not to rely on any hand holding! |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
"Thanks very much. Yeah I guess I'm just worried going as a single guy who isn't gym fit let's say, (although I'm trying!)
It's really daunting but I can't really complain when I've not tried it. "
Mate you don’t have to be gym fit!!! I am not either though I can run a sub 28.30 5km, just smile be chatty and crack on |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ive found that all the good times ive had of this account and my old one has been of the back of some really interesting conversations about all aspects of life ,the ladys with good profiles that seem interesting and smart are where i find things work ...because then there is a common ground alongside the sex aspect ...a click basiclly ,but its a hard game and you need to keep digging away at it ,then when it pays off you will meet good people and then its worth while...i never go in full sex mode i just chat be myself and see if there is a few things in common before arranging socials or meets ,chemestry is vital and that takes an interesting bit of chat to meet the right people |
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Not everyone wants gym fit just go and meet people I find there is nothing more off putting than a grown man needing somone to hold his hand so to speak lol x
Haha - fair enough. I do know I have a tendency to overthink these things sometimes, but just can't help but be worried about being seen as a creepy single guy or out of place. But again it's speculation as never been to a party or club.
And Ill try not to rely on any hand holding! "
Your only ever classed as one of the creepy singles if your following ladies about while playing under your towel without so much as a hello now they are the creepy ones x but I'm very happy to say hello to you if you ever do venture to a club x |
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Haha - well I wouldn't be doing that so hopefully I should be fine. Just had the feeling that single guys are looked down on somehow. But honestly hearing from you guys has made me feel much more at ease. Might venture somewhere soon! (still feel I'd like to go with someone or know someone there, but I'll get some balls I'm sure!) |
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