FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Advice
Advice
Jump to: Newest in thread
Can the experienced offer advice & or opinions please.
I was messaged by a guy who could not accommodate. He suggested our local club (chameleons) which was OK for me. However as me & my hubby rarely go I wanted to meet him there as I would take the opportunity for us both to get out & play (we rarely play with other couples & tend to do our own thing). The guy got pissy as he only has a cpls membership.
Was I being unreasonable? Should I make it obvious on my profile that club meets will not be on my own?
What are your thoughts?
LMP |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Can the experienced offer advice & or opinions please.
I was messaged by a guy who could not accommodate. He suggested our local club (chameleons) which was OK for me. However as me & my hubby rarely go I wanted to meet him there as I would take the opportunity for us both to get out & play (we rarely play with other couples & tend to do our own thing). The guy got pissy as he only has a cpls membership.
Was I being unreasonable? Should I make it obvious on my profile that club meets will not be on my own?
What are your thoughts?
LMP"
Simply put
Getting pissy is never acceptable you have had a near miss |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
 |
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Did you want him to take you and you hubby out or were you and your husband both paying members and would be meeting him there?
I don’t really know, it’s like me asking a guy to get a hotel to meet me but then me bringing another guy with me, but I dunno if I’m understanding the original post correctly  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Your profile is a bit unclear in that you say you'll only meet at parties or clubs at first, I'd say that was a bit misleading on a single profile if you intend to take hubby along too. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Did you want him to take you and you hubby out or were you and your husband both paying members and would be meeting him there?
I don’t really know, it’s like me asking a guy to get a hotel to meet me but then me bringing another guy with me, but I dunno if I’m understanding the original post correctly "
No it's not he did the asking as he could not accommodate
Pissy however is still not an acceptable demeanor |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Did you want him to take you and you hubby out or were you and your husband both paying members and would be meeting him there?
I don’t really know, it’s like me asking a guy to get a hotel to meet me but then me bringing another guy with me, but I dunno if I’m understanding the original post correctly "
Omg no. We would be travelling together and paying for ourselves. I would not go to a club alone or with a man I barely or never met. My husband would not be part of any play, if I Chose to play with him.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago
Hillside desolate |
I'm not sure on this, if I arranged to meet a guy and he suddenly said he was bringing his wife, I wouldn't be happy either. Or is it that he wanted you and him to go as a couple, so he doesn't have to pay extra, and now he will? Not sure I'm fully getting it  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Your profile is a bit unclear in that you say you'll only meet at parties or clubs at first, I'd say that was a bit misleading on a single profile if you intend to take hubby along too. "
Not so much take as attend & leave with him. But I will take that good bit of advice and tweak the profile. Thank you |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
If I’d arranged to meet the male half of a couple in a club, I don’t think I’d be expecting to find out he was bringing his wife and I should go to the club alone.
Now if the profile said his wife would be with him on club meets, well that’s a different scenario. My choice.
I think you should be clearer, but like most posters on here, I agree there’s no need for him to get pissy about it |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I’d be a bit miffed I was chatting to a guy with a view to meeting him and then he says ok but I’m bringing the Mrs as well. "
In all fairness I think we'd passed about 3 messages. Another guy I spoke too wants a pub social, I told him my husband would be in the pub (not too close but he can see I am OK) & he was fine with this... Safety first etc |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’d be a bit miffed I was chatting to a guy with a view to meeting him and then he says ok but I’m bringing the Mrs as well.
In all fairness I think we'd passed about 3 messages. Another guy I spoke too wants a pub social, I told him my husband would be in the pub (not too close but he can see I am OK) & he was fine with this... Safety first etc"
As you can see then. Some will be ok with your set up others not. I don't really get what the issue is. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
If you are talking through a single profile maybe give them a heads up first. Fake profiles will eventually destroy this site.
Single males with couples profiles and couples posing as single females are the worst for people just trying to find a preference. Husband, boyfriend or Fwb? If we are speaking to a single woman it is because we are looking for a single woman.
However first time social you should bring some safety. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"If I’d arranged to meet the male half of a couple in a club, I don’t think I’d be expecting to find out he was bringing his wife and I should go to the club alone.
Now if the profile said his wife would be with him on club meets, well that’s a different scenario. My choice.
I think you should be clearer, but like most posters on here, I agree there’s no need for him to get pissy about it "
There was no 'meet in the club' he needed me to be going in with him as he would be denied entry. He was pissy as he couldn't get in without a partner... I do see what you are saying though & thank you for your insight |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"If you are talking through a single profile maybe give them a heads up first. Fake profiles will eventually destroy this site.
Single males with couples profiles and couples posing as single females are the worst for people just trying to find a preference. Husband, boyfriend or Fwb? If we are speaking to a single woman it is because we are looking for a single woman.
However first time social you should bring some safety."
I have both profiles & I believe both profiles state we meet as separates and as couples. Fake is definitely not me... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"If you're on a singles profile I'll expect you to be meeting alone. I'm not surprised he was miffed. "
At no point did I say I would be introducing my man to the other guy. If I did it would be a polite hello before my fella hopped off to the jacuzzi to see what's occurring.... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I'm not sure on this, if I arranged to meet a guy and he suddenly said he was bringing his wife, I wouldn't be happy either. Or is it that he wanted you and him to go as a couple, so he doesn't have to pay extra, and now he will? Not sure I'm fully getting it "
You hit the nail on the head. He didn't want to pay single bloke entrance |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If you're on a singles profile I'll expect you to be meeting alone. I'm not surprised he was miffed.
At no point did I say I would be introducing my man to the other guy. If I did it would be a polite hello before my fella hopped off to the jacuzzi to see what's occurring.... "
I wouldn't expect there to be another at all. I have a singles and a couple's profile. I only ever meet completely alone on this profile. Otherwise I don't see the point in 2 separate profiles. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago
Hillside desolate |
"I'm not sure on this, if I arranged to meet a guy and he suddenly said he was bringing his wife, I wouldn't be happy either. Or is it that he wanted you and him to go as a couple, so he doesn't have to pay extra, and now he will? Not sure I'm fully getting it
You hit the nail on the head. He didn't want to pay single bloke entrance"
Oh right, OK. I don't think it's fair that single men are charged more, but I don't think you're obliged to attend as his "partner" either. Pissy attitude = no ta  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm not sure on this, if I arranged to meet a guy and he suddenly said he was bringing his wife, I wouldn't be happy either. Or is it that he wanted you and him to go as a couple, so he doesn't have to pay extra, and now he will? Not sure I'm fully getting it
You hit the nail on the head. He didn't want to pay single bloke entrance"
And chances are will leave you to it once he’s in the club |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I think it depends on the impression you originally gave ie. meeting as a single female. Then changing the goal post probably doesn't go down too well, even though it's your prerogative to do so.
I don't like pissy people so I wouldn't worry about him to much but I would be clearer future |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
I was chatting to a guy, loosely arranging to meet in a hotel then he dropped the 'my wife is coming to but only to watch' bomb. No thanks....
No need to get rude about things but you have to be so clear about what you want otherwise (most) blokes think you're up for anything because you're on a site like this! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Both at fault here I reckon. If you're advertising as a single female he's entitled to feel miffed if you suddenly say you want to bring your husband along.
On the other hand, it's a bit of a cheek him expecting you to be part of a couple with him so he can get in cheaper.
In my view, it would be fair for both of you to go as singles, meet in the club and see if you get on. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I'm not sure on this, if I arranged to meet a guy and he suddenly said he was bringing his wife, I wouldn't be happy either. Or is it that he wanted you and him to go as a couple, so he doesn't have to pay extra, and now he will? Not sure I'm fully getting it
You hit the nail on the head. He didn't want to pay single bloke entrance"
I was asked to go to Chameleons on a guy's couple membership recently. I refused because I didn't want to share a locker and bar tab with a stranger! I also didn't want to have to leave at the same time (as required by many clubs.)
I only meet in clubs. And I'm not willing to go to the club together as a "date." I will simply tell them that I'll be there and arrange to say hi when there.
I wouldn't expect a man to buy a membership just to meet me, but I think a man who wants to go to clubs as a singleton has to be willing to pay his own way. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm not sure on this, if I arranged to meet a guy and he suddenly said he was bringing his wife, I wouldn't be happy either. Or is it that he wanted you and him to go as a couple, so he doesn't have to pay extra, and now he will? Not sure I'm fully getting it
You hit the nail on the head. He didn't want to pay single bloke entrance
I was asked to go to Chameleons on a guy's couple membership recently. I refused because I didn't want to share a locker and bar tab with a stranger! I also didn't want to have to leave at the same time (as required by many clubs.)
I only meet in clubs. And I'm not willing to go to the club together as a "date." I will simply tell them that I'll be there and arrange to say hi when there.
I wouldn't expect a man to buy a membership just to meet me, but I think a man who wants to go to clubs as a singleton has to be willing to pay his own way. "
Have to give me a message let me know when your next going x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
A lot depends on the context, which I haven't fully grasped, such as when you all arranged and potentially introduced a different dimension to the arrangement. It's reasonable to assume that some alternative options may be considered, if an original expectation is altered.
But there's never a reason for people to get offensive etc.
Perhaps in future you could introduce your partner as an attendee to the club only, making a clear distinction between someone who would be expected to join in. There are people who do not want to play other than 1 on 1. Rather than him getting pissy, he would probably have been better explaining what his disappoint really was, as you aren't a mind reader. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"A lot depends on the context, which I haven't fully grasped, such as when you all arranged and potentially introduced a different dimension to the arrangement. It's reasonable to assume that some alternative options may be considered, if an original expectation is altered.
But there's never a reason for people to get offensive etc.
Perhaps in future you could introduce your partner as an attendee to the club only, making a clear distinction between someone who would be expected to join in. There are people who do not want to play other than 1 on 1. Rather than him getting pissy, he would probably have been better explaining what his disappoint really was, as you aren't a mind reader. "
My partner is never an attendee if I'm playing unless I'm playing with him. He has no interest or desire to share me with another man. He is my security (blanket) & once he knew I wasn't with a weirdo he'd be off chasing his own fun... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Can the experienced offer advice & or opinions please.
I was messaged by a guy who could not accommodate. He suggested our local club (chameleons) which was OK for me. However as me & my hubby rarely go I wanted to meet him there as I would take the opportunity for us both to get out & play (we rarely play with other couples & tend to do our own thing). The guy got pissy as he only has a cpls membership.
Was I being unreasonable? Should I make it obvious on my profile that club meets will not be on my own?
What are your thoughts?
LMP"
he got pissy why because he had to pay for a single guy entry? what is difference in price?  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Also, you say you were going to take hubby as you both don't get to go often, that's not really the same as taking him for safety reasons. "
Agreed. I think if a "single" woman always brings her partner along to any meets to check out the guy, I think she needs to say that straightway. That will be a deal breaker for some guys so best to get it out there at the start so no ones time is wasted. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I'd have been pissed off if I was him, if you arranged to go to the club to meet him on a singles profile, taking your hubby is a piss take.
"
I don't recall saying I'd "arranged". What actually happened was I asked him logistically how we would meet as he didn't accom and neither do I. He said Chams and I immediately said how I roll with meeting at clubs. I never said it after agreeing a meet, this was the first mention of a meet which I instigated |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"Also, you say you were going to take hubby as you both don't get to go often, that's not really the same as taking him for safety reasons.
Agreed. I think if a "single" woman always brings her partner along to any meets to check out the guy, I think she needs to say that straightway. That will be a deal breaker for some guys so best to get it out there at the start so no ones time is wasted. "
It's sounds to me as if OP was going to meet that guy then hubby wanted to go to so the plans changed. I might be wrong but that's the impression I got from the explanation. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Can the experienced offer advice & or opinions please.
I was messaged by a guy who could not accommodate. He suggested our local club (chameleons) which was OK for me. However as me & my hubby rarely go I wanted to meet him there as I would take the opportunity for us both to get out & play (we rarely play with other couples & tend to do our own thing). The guy got pissy as he only has a cpls membership.
Was I being unreasonable? Should I make it obvious on my profile that club meets will not be on my own?
What are your thoughts?
LMPhe got pissy why because he had to pay for a single guy entry? what is difference in price? "
Couples I think £30, single £50 however a man can't get in alone on a cpls membership. That is not my problem |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Also, you say you were going to take hubby as you both don't get to go often, that's not really the same as taking him for safety reasons.
Agreed. I think if a "single" woman always brings her partner along to any meets to check out the guy, I think she needs to say that straightway. That will be a deal breaker for some guys so best to get it out there at the start so no ones time is wasted.
It's sounds to me as if OP was going to meet that guy then hubby wanted to go to so the plans changed. I might be wrong but that's the impression I got from the explanation."
Completely wrong. I haven't even mentioned it to the hubby yet. He would probably have said to go and he'd meet me when I finished, that doesn't work for me. I go club with him or female friends who swing, never on my own... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Also, you say you were going to take hubby as you both don't get to go often, that's not really the same as taking him for safety reasons.
Agreed. I think if a "single" woman always brings her partner along to any meets to check out the guy, I think she needs to say that straightway. That will be a deal breaker for some guys so best to get it out there at the start so no ones time is wasted.
It's sounds to me as if OP was going to meet that guy then hubby wanted to go to so the plans changed. I might be wrong but that's the impression I got from the explanation.
Completely wrong. I haven't even mentioned it to the hubby yet. He would probably have said to go and he'd meet me when I finished, that doesn't work for me. I go club with him or female friends who swing, never on my own... "
That's the point. You don't actually meet as a single, so if you haven't mentioned that in your first messaged to a guy, he's going to get peeved when you mention it later down the line.
Mentioning it straightaway is only fair so if a guy isn't comfortable being checked out by your partner, he can bail then. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"Also, you say you were going to take hubby as you both don't get to go often, that's not really the same as taking him for safety reasons.
Agreed. I think if a "single" woman always brings her partner along to any meets to check out the guy, I think she needs to say that straightway. That will be a deal breaker for some guys so best to get it out there at the start so no ones time is wasted.
It's sounds to me as if OP was going to meet that guy then hubby wanted to go to so the plans changed. I might be wrong but that's the impression I got from the explanation.
Completely wrong. I haven't even mentioned it to the hubby yet. He would probably have said to go and he'd meet me when I finished, that doesn't work for me. I go club with him or female friends who swing, never on my own... "
Had you, from the very beginning of the conversation, made it totally clear that you would not be attending the club alone with him? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Also, you say you were going to take hubby as you both don't get to go often, that's not really the same as taking him for safety reasons.
Agreed. I think if a "single" woman always brings her partner along to any meets to check out the guy, I think she needs to say that straightway. That will be a deal breaker for some guys so best to get it out there at the start so no ones time is wasted.
It's sounds to me as if OP was going to meet that guy then hubby wanted to go to so the plans changed. I might be wrong but that's the impression I got from the explanation.
Completely wrong. I haven't even mentioned it to the hubby yet. He would probably have said to go and he'd meet me when I finished, that doesn't work for me. I go club with him or female friends who swing, never on my own...
Had you, from the very beginning of the conversation, made it totally clear that you would not be attending the club alone with him? "
The club meet was mentioned after 3 or 4 msgs. I said I'd meet inside as I go with my man. He got pissy & left the chat...
Lesson learned, advice taken on board, profile to be re-checked and amended further if needed |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Can the experienced offer advice & or opinions please.
I was messaged by a guy who could not accommodate. He suggested our local club (chameleons) which was OK for me. However as me & my hubby rarely go I wanted to meet him there as I would take the opportunity for us both to get out & play (we rarely play with other couples & tend to do our own thing). The guy got pissy as he only has a cpls membership.
Was I being unreasonable? Should I make it obvious on my profile that club meets will not be on my own?
What are your thoughts?
LMP"
Trust your gut and no you’re not being unreasonable at all and possibly yeah you might need to put it on your profile. This guy clearly just assumed as well. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"Also, you say you were going to take hubby as you both don't get to go often, that's not really the same as taking him for safety reasons.
Agreed. I think if a "single" woman always brings her partner along to any meets to check out the guy, I think she needs to say that straightway. That will be a deal breaker for some guys so best to get it out there at the start so no ones time is wasted.
It's sounds to me as if OP was going to meet that guy then hubby wanted to go to so the plans changed. I might be wrong but that's the impression I got from the explanation.
Completely wrong. I haven't even mentioned it to the hubby yet. He would probably have said to go and he'd meet me when I finished, that doesn't work for me. I go club with him or female friends who swing, never on my own...
Had you, from the very beginning of the conversation, made it totally clear that you would not be attending the club alone with him?
The club meet was mentioned after 3 or 4 msgs. I said I'd meet inside as I go with my man. He got pissy & left the chat...
Lesson learned, advice taken on board, profile to be re-checked and amended further if needed"
Okies |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
