FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Help me! Feel like a lost cause!
Help me! Feel like a lost cause!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hey Gang! So I've been on and off fab for a while, I'm quite an easy going guy, love a good chat, im not your typical 28 year old, I'd rather chill out over a tea or coffee then alcohol hahaha, but I feel lost on here, dont seem to get much going on for me, only reason I have no Display pic is due to work, which is a pain!!
Cougar/Milfs is my cup of tea but cba with the mind games, but obvs im attracted to girls my similar to my own age too! I just want that mind game free nsa fun!!
Any tips/advice to help me out would be appreciated!
Much Love   |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Would your work colleagues recognise you if your face wasn't in the picture? "
Good point, Just sometimes conscious about body, see other blokes with six packs etc, I'm just ya average bloke, so I doubt it would anything spesh haha
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It’s hard for guys but maybe find a social event and get a veri from it as ladies don’t trust unverified guys"
I've been verified but yeah quite tough for a guy!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Tbh I don't think anyone believes the 'can't have a pic because of work' it just comes across as 'not single'
Plenty of pics aren't identifying "
Yeah it's a shame that people think that, it's like I cant accom...why? because it's quite tough for my generation to move put from my parents house on my own haha |
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Harsh truth. You're an "average" guy with no pics who can't accomodate. In a site where men out number women fifteen one, you have little or no chance.
Have others have said go to a club and talk to people then your charm can shine |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Harsh truth. You're an "average" guy with no pics who can't accomodate. In a site where men out number women fifteen one, you have little or no chance.
Have others have said go to a club and talk to people then your charm can shine "
Cheers for that, I'm absolutely rubbish behind a phone/computer screen...the art of conversation is dying a death as majority of people now prefer to text etc. I am more of a face to face kind of person, but it is a harsh reality your not wrong! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Harsh truth. You're an "average" guy with no pics who can't accomodate. In a site where men out number women fifteen one, you have little or no chance.
Have others have said go to a club and talk to people then your charm can shine "
Take no notice. I’m a average guy and have met away from clubs
Just persevere and make you’re profile work for you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You have loads going against you. No public pictures, live at home and a hidden veri that suggests it's weak. Use the 'who's near me' function and compare your profile to the 300 other male profiles within a 10 mile radius and use the forum search for 'no luck' and read the responses on there, most of the original OP's will be UNLOS as it's not the easy fuck fest they imagined. Good luck OP |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I see no pic and can't accom I assume not really single... Don't really agree with the I can't because of work excuse... We all work (or a lot of us)... My boss is on here too, what does it matter |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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hate to say it, but no pic profiles come across as they don’t have knowledge of the swinging scene or know how to swing. You just look like a chancer trying to get a shag. It looks like you’ve done the bare minimum of profile set up to get searching and done nothing else. Effort in = rewards. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Harsh truth. You're an "average" guy with no pics who can't accomodate. In a site where men out number women fifteen one, you have little or no chance.
Have others have said go to a club and talk to people then your charm can shine "
This 100% add to that you make a specific point that you won't share dick pictures under any circumstances. Whilst No one wants to see 50 dick picks on a profile a lot of swingers both couples and singles would expect to see a dick picture before meeting. In our experience cocks come in all shapes, sizes, types etc some are attractive / appealing (to us at least) and some most definitely are not. There's no way we would meet without knowing you had what we are looking for (size is not the main thing btw). When people hide things there's usually a reason. In our experience anyway.
Add the fact you don't have any pictures due to your job I'm sorry but me and my wife work in the Nhs and for a local council so we don't have public face pictures but that hasn't stopped us adding pictures to our profile to try and make it appealing.
Lastly the can't accommodate (especially with no pictures smacks of someone who isn't single and is here looking to cheat)
Regarding it been hard to move out of your parents some people aren't luckly enough to have parents and grew up in the care system so had no choice but to live on there own from age 18. If you can get a full time job you can rent a flat or similar very easily. Granted It then took years to be able to save enough to have the deposit to buy a house. Swinging is an adults pursuit and living with parents will put some off.
We wish you the best of luck but as others have said for every profile like yours that messages us as a couple there will 10 messages from guys with profiles that have photos both face and cock and can accommodate or at least are trying to meet when they are at a hotel or are willing to arrange one.
KJ x |
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1. People need photos to know if there's possibility aftraction. Giving them none cuts that option down or out. If they search and find you they will just move on to the next.
2. There are thousands of single men here, so you must stand out. Look for the posts from nen on this, often about their profile or because they didn't go to swinging events and clubs.
3. Create realistic expectations. If you are on and off the site, is it becomes you repeat failure? Get realistic!
4. People like men who are reliable. Coming and going hintd you may not be. Reversr that.
5. You're new, it takes time each time and is hard work. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Harsh truth. You're an "average" guy with no pics who can't accomodate. In a site where men out number women fifteen one, you have little or no chance.
Have others have said go to a club and talk to people then your charm can shine
This 100% add to that you make a specific point that you won't share dick pictures under any circumstances. Whilst No one wants to see 50 dick picks on a profile a lot of swingers both couples and singles would expect to see a dick picture before meeting. In our experience cocks come in all shapes, sizes, types etc some are attractive / appealing (to us at least) and some most definitely are not. There's no way we would meet without knowing you had what we are looking for (size is not the main thing btw). When people hide things there's usually a reason. In our experience anyway.
Add the fact you don't have any pictures due to your job I'm sorry but me and my wife work in the Nhs and for a local council so we don't have public face pictures but that hasn't stopped us adding pictures to our profile to try and make it appealing.
Lastly the can't accommodate (especially with no pictures smacks of someone who isn't single and is here looking to cheat)
Regarding it been hard to move out of your parents some people aren't luckly enough to have parents and grew up in the care system so had no choice but to live on there own from age 18. If you can get a full time job you can rent a flat or similar very easily. Granted It then took years to be able to save enough to have the deposit to buy a house. Swinging is an adults pursuit and living with parents will put some off.
We wish you the best of luck but as others have said for every profile like yours that messages us as a couple there will 10 messages from guys with profiles that have photos both face and cock and can accommodate or at least are trying to meet when they are at a hotel or are willing to arrange one.
KJ x "
Thing is here is personal circumstances, I do have a full time job, I wouldnt rent as for me it's too expensive and would struggle to rent. cheers for the feedback |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If I see no pic and can't accom I assume not really single... Don't really agree with the I can't because of work excuse... We all work (or a lot of us)... My boss is on here too, what does it matter"
different workplaces have different policies, and mine is quite tough! All about assumptions this site I guess.
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By *lan157Man
over a year ago
a village near Haywards Heath in East Sussex |
let's just say OP that you found a vanilla girlfriend you would like to take to bed. Where would you go ? Why is it different because the woman is a swinger ? You will find club entrance is cheaper than a hotel room and there are plenty of women who only want to meet men at clubs but will arrange to meet you inside. Maybe tailor your profile to appeal to those women and have private face photos available to send them too. They are equally as likely to have sensitivity about jobs. |
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"Would your work colleagues recognise you if your face wasn't in the picture? Good point, Just sometimes conscious about body, see other blokes with six packs etc, I'm just ya average bloke, so I doubt it would anything spesh haha"
People want a variety in body types, not just mega fit, which some dislike.
In any event, they will see you if they fancy meeting and definitely for a shag. |
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"Harsh truth. You're an "average" guy with no pics who can't accomodate. In a site where men out number women fifteen one, you have little or no chance.
Have others have said go to a club and talk to people then your charm can shine
Take no notice. I’m a average guy and have met away from clubs
Just persevere and make you’re profile work for you. "
yay! Someone showing support.
OP there are so many different types of people on here. Just be yourself and give it time.
I too don’t show my face to anyone until I know who I’m talking to so do what makes you comfortable. However you can have pictures without your face showing, like I have.
Good luck
Flik xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I see no pic and can't accom I assume not really single... Don't really agree with the I can't because of work excuse... We all work (or a lot of us)... My boss is on here too, what does it matter different workplaces have different policies, and mine is quite tough! All about assumptions this site I guess. "
Well when your profile has so little info on it it may as well be blank then what choice do people have but to make assumptions... And sorry but I've met police, social workers, Dr's.... Even my kids pe teacher is on here... Absolutely no excuse to have zero pictures... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You haven't got that sensitive a job if you can't afford to rent a flat. Seriously,I left home at 18 with the bare essentials and yes renting sucked up a lot of my money but ... That's life. I bet moving out will completely change your life, you can do whatever you like go to swingers clubs btw |
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Op my contract has very strict conditions in it but even I manage to put pics up. You seem to have made your mind up of no pics but want advice. People can give you all the advice but if you aren't going to take it then why ask for it? I do wish you luck but unless you take the advice I think you'll be in the same position in a few months. Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" I just want that mind game free nsa fun!!
"
So essentially you want to have sex with someone but not have to make any effort. This is exactly what the sex industry exists for. And if it was possible to get sex without making any effort then there wouldn't be a sex industry, would there.
There's two ways to have sex with a woman. You make a lot of effort and hope for the best. Or you pay her. There is no third way, including here. Fuck buddies and fwbs are wonderful, they've made my life amazing but you still have to effort in to find them. And you'll also have to accept they'll get a lot more action than you will. No strings means no strings for both of you and women get a lot more attention and play. And because of the huge choice they have they'll choose the guy that makes the most effort and appeals most. I suspect you're looking for something that isn't there. |
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By *eeowlsMan
over a year ago
sheffield |
If you don’t fancy clubs!! There’s loads of group social meets look for them in forum for your area and contact the organiser for a invite!
Go along be yourself and meet genuine friendly people(swingers) who will chat be friendly with you and maybe even verify you!!
if you don’t get meets on here you are networking for meets from people on here at the socials and honestly they are brilliant nights out with plenty of cpls singles who are all there for meeting people for fun |
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" I just want that mind game free nsa fun!!
So essentially you want to have sex with someone but not have to make any effort. This is exactly what the sex industry exists for. And if it was possible to get sex without making any effort then there wouldn't be a sex industry, would there.
There's two ways to have sex with a woman. You make a lot of effort and hope for the best. Or you pay her. There is no third way, including here. Fuck buddies and fwbs are wonderful, they've made my life amazing but you still have to effort in to find them. And you'll also have to accept they'll get a lot more action than you will. No strings means no strings for both of you and women get a lot more attention and play. And because of the huge choice they have they'll choose the guy that makes the most effort and appeals most. I suspect you're looking for something that isn't there. "
100% and a good andidote to the "there's someone out there for everyone" soothing nonsense. The honest truth is that the majority of blokes on here, because of the ratios, will be getting no or very few meets.
The depressing truth for men is that even to get no strings sex, you have to put in a huge amount of effort, whereas women just need to have a functioning vagina
(which isn't to say women don't have their own issues. If they're not fussy it's very easy for them to get no strings sex. However most women are fussy and generally want something more, even on a site like this, than sex with a just about presentable random. That something more can be hard to find). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
The depressing truth for men is that even to get no strings sex, you have to put in a huge amount of effort, whereas women just need to have a functioning vagina
(which isn't to say women don't have their own issues. If they're not fussy it's very easy for them to get no strings sex. However most women are fussy and generally want something more, even on a site like this, than sex with a just about presentable random. That something more can be hard to find). "
Any man who's done this will tell you it's actually harder to find a female fuck buddy than a girlfriend. And the reality of nsa sex as a man is that it will all be entirely on her terms. She'll see you when she wants to and if she is able to see another fwb she likes more then she will. It sounds harsh but as stated above it would really just be bullshit to tell you anything else.
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"
The depressing truth for men is that even to get no strings sex, you have to put in a huge amount of effort, whereas women just need to have a functioning vagina
(which isn't to say women don't have their own issues. If they're not fussy it's very easy for them to get no strings sex. However most women are fussy and generally want something more, even on a site like this, than sex with a just about presentable random. That something more can be hard to find).
Any man who's done this will tell you it's actually harder to find a female fuck buddy than a girlfriend. And the reality of nsa sex as a man is that it will all be entirely on her terms. She'll see you when she wants to and if she is able to see another fwb she likes more then she will. It sounds harsh but as stated above it would really just be bullshit to tell you anything else.
"
Indeed.. It all stems from there being about 15 men for every woman on here (I've done surveys!) which itself stems from the fact that there are far far more men who want no strings sex than there are women. As you said that's why there's a sex industry catering mostly for men.
You're right that it's easier for a man to get a gf than a fuck buddy. That's because the vast majority of women will want commitment and exclusivity in return for regular sex. Hence the pool of potential female fuck buddies is small. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm not disparaging your surveys but I would put it WAY higher, I'd say more like 50-70 men for every woman and I'm counting the female profiles that are either fake or not meeting. The amount of actual real woman who want to meet men I'd put more like 100-120 men to each one of them. But I acknowledge your research |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Get a face pic up .. it makes all the difference.. plus if your worried about work seeing. Would that not mean they are on here to.. it is hard for us .. don't send dick pictures.. be polite .. be respectful and read the profile all the way thru |
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"I'm not disparaging your surveys but I would put it WAY higher, I'd say more like 50-70 men for every woman and I'm counting the female profiles that are either fake or not meeting. The amount of actual real woman who want to meet men I'd put more like 100-120 men to each one of them. But I acknowledge your research "
What I do is look at the top 200 profiles near me and the figure always comes out at roughly 75% men, 20% couples and 5% women. Obviously that doesn't factor in fakes but it's difficult to estimate how many of the couples and women are Dale.
If we assumed a quarter of couples and women are fake (through personal experience I don't think it's higher than that) that would give us roughly 81% men 15% couples and 4% women which would make the men to women ratio about 20 to 1
So I don't think the ratios for men are as bad as you say. Still pretty bad though!! |
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It's only harder to find a FB because women often get left treated like a free whore. If the guys actually put more effort in mutual pleasures then women would consider FB more.
Messaging or ringing up saying "I'm horny can I come over" then leaving as they cum, isn't a fuck buddy it's one sided.
Women have to make sure their pleasures are met or why bother? Very few are willing to spread their legs and get nothing out of it. Plain and simple.
Many women come here and over time they change their outlook on the site. Their requirements become more detailed on their profiles. Because time and time again men use it as freefuckdotcom
Mutual benefits is the name of the game! Want more out of the site then guys should do everyone a favour and up their game put effort in to pleasures and not be selfish
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I think the best way for the OP to actually meet women and couples given his circumstances is to go social meets and clubs. We’d be willing to chat to anybody at a club, but if he sent us a message being unable to accommodate and with no photos it be an instant delete we’re afraid. Sorry if that’s harsh but that’s the truth. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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So, do you think that there might be colleagues of yours on fab?
Surely anyone who did recognise you would be outing themselves if they made any mention of it.
You're not doing anything illegal by being here |
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"So, do you think that there might be colleagues of yours on fab?
Surely anyone who did recognise you would be outing themselves if they made any mention of it.
You're not doing anything illegal by being here"
I can't say if this is the case with the OP but it strikes me that the usual reason people won't but up even non facial pics is paranoid guilt. They have unknowing parties and are terrified someone might recognise them and grass them up. |
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"Hey Gang! So I've been on and off fab for a while, I'm quite an easy going guy, love a good chat, im not your typical 28 year old, I'd rather chill out over a tea or coffee then alcohol hahaha, but I feel lost on here, dont seem to get much going on for me, only reason I have no Display pic is due to work, which is a pain!!
Cougar/Milfs is my cup of tea but cba with the mind games, but obvs im attracted to girls my similar to my own age too! I just want that mind game free nsa fun!!
Any tips/advice to help me out would be appreciated!
Much Love "
Ewoooo!
I'm the same as you - I'm chilled out and also have a thing for older ladies. Also cool with socials.
I don't understand how you'd get recognised by adding pics. My main pic is a body pic. Who is going to recognise that?
About mind games, I'm afraid you will have to do that. Getting any success on here requires brain power - and you do have to be familiar with games and know how to reply to them.
Women do a hell of a lot of testing. Go with it though! Basically, just chill right out, don't see them sexually and you'll do fine. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I see no pic and can't accom I assume not really single... Don't really agree with the I can't because of work excuse... We all work (or a lot of us)... My boss is on here too, what does it matter different workplaces have different policies, and mine is quite tough! All about assumptions this site I guess. "
Ahhhhh . . . what's that word . . . . hogwash. Would your boss recognise you naked?
People have given you good advice, but you dismiss it so . . . don't expect anything to change for you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hey Gang! So I've been on and off fab for a while, I'm quite an easy going guy, love a good chat, im not your typical 28 year old, I'd rather chill out over a tea or coffee then alcohol hahaha, but I feel lost on here, dont seem to get much going on for me, only reason I have no Display pic is due to work, which is a pain!!
Cougar/Milfs is my cup of tea but cba with the mind games, but obvs im attracted to girls my similar to my own age too! I just want that mind game free nsa fun!!
Any tips/advice to help me out would be appreciated!
Much Love "
There is so much help and advice on other threads on the same subject have a search and read |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's only harder to find a FB because women often get left treated like a free whore. If the guys actually put more effort in mutual pleasures then women would consider FB more.
Messaging or ringing up saying "I'm horny can I come over" then leaving as they cum, isn't a fuck buddy it's one sided.
Women have to make sure their pleasures are met or why bother? Very few are willing to spread their legs and get nothing out of it. Plain and simple.
Many women come here and over time they change their outlook on the site. Their requirements become more detailed on their profiles. Because time and time again men use it as freefuckdotcom
Mutual benefits is the name of the game! Want more out of the site then guys should do everyone a favour and up their game put effort in to pleasures and not be selfish
"
Exactly. My fwbs are actually friends. Sometimes I see them and we don't even have sex. We hang out, chat, do the stuff that friends do. And we also have sex. As you said I think a lot of guys see nsa as something like a free sex worker. There's no such thing. Never was, never will be. |
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In addition to what everyone else has said I’d like to make a couple of points. Firstly, your opening paragraph is complaining about people being “all talk”. If I saw that on a profile I’d had a message from, I’d delete immediately because it suggests you’re only interested in a quick shag on your timetable with no regard for anyone else’s circumstances.
The second thing, and at least it isn’t in your profile but it’s worth saying anyway - don’t refer to older women as MILFs and cougars. Again, for me, that’s an insta-delete. Every guy I’ve ever spoken to who uses terms like that only wants an older woman because “they’re better in bed”, and when I hear that I know they’re going to expect massive effort from me and a load of “tricks”, and I’ll get sod all back.
Remember, most if not all of the women on here are here because we enjoy sex and want pleasure from it. A lot of us will avoid anyone who we think isn’t going to be willing or able to provide that pleasure. |
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