FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Really need some help
Really need some help
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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OK.. things have gone a bit stale for me on here and am opening up my mind to new ideas..
I gave my profile a spruce up today in the hope my inbox would light up...but alas it hasn't
Please review me and any criticism, thoughts, ideas or advice would be very welcome.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Ok...so the question is...why am I not up to my nutts in guts...
I must be failing somewhere...
I have all ready changed my name from pussycumlicker69 which I thought was a bit forward |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well there's nothing wrong with your profile. Maybe change your name and add a couple of pics etc. Your into a re ally amazing variety of things which i think is always a good thing. Good luck m8 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Well there's nothing wrong with your profile. Maybe change your name and add a couple of pics etc. Your into a re ally amazing variety of things which i think is always a good thing. Good luck m8 "
Cheers pal |
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"OK.. things have gone a bit stale for me on here and am opening up my mind to new ideas..
I gave my profile a spruce up today in the hope my inbox would light up...but alas it hasn't
Please review me and any criticism, thoughts, ideas or advice would be very welcome.
"
That was the result of the spruce up? Jeez it must have been really bad if you think that's an improvement  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No public pics, here without your wife's knowledge and permission, ticked every single box in the interests section- do I really need to continue spelling out reasons your inbox is a bit empty?
And I agree with one of the previous posters, your profile sounds like a joke rather than a serious attempt at making it on Fab. But whatever rocks your boat.
Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OK.. things have gone a bit stale for me on here and am opening up my mind to new ideas..
I gave my profile a spruce up today in the hope my inbox would light up...but alas it hasn't
Please review me and any criticism, thoughts, ideas or advice would be very welcome.
"
Name change , that first word makes me want to hurl |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You need more dick pics I’d say ideally with a dirty toilet and soiled underwear in the background that should sort it !!! "
What she said.
It's the only thing missing.
I would  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You need more dick pics I’d say ideally with a dirty toilet and soiled underwear in the background that should sort it !!! "
With a dick the size of a chipolata I wasn't going to bother...but if you think it will help....and I'll wear these pants for a few days 1st aswell... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"OK.. things have gone a bit stale for me on here and am opening up my mind to new ideas..
I gave my profile a spruce up today in the hope my inbox would light up...but alas it hasn't
Please review me and any criticism, thoughts, ideas or advice would be very welcome.
Name change , that first word makes me want to hurl"
This was my original one pussycumlicker69
Better or worse ? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You need more dick pics I’d say ideally with a dirty toilet and soiled underwear in the background that should sort it !!!
What she said.
It's the only thing missing.
I would "
Looking in all honesty you are exactly the type of attractive sophisticated fun loving lady I'm trying to attract, so if you think it will work...I'm all for it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You need more dick pics I’d say ideally with a dirty toilet and soiled underwear in the background that should sort it !!!
What she said.
It's the only thing missing.
I would
Looking in all honesty you are exactly the type of attractive sophisticated fun loving lady I'm trying to attract, so if you think it will work...I'm all for it"
I'm inspired to update my profile in the same style 
You must me fighting them off with a stick now. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You need more dick pics I’d say ideally with a dirty toilet and soiled underwear in the background that should sort it !!!
What she said.
It's the only thing missing.
I would
Looking in all honesty you are exactly the type of attractive sophisticated fun loving lady I'm trying to attract, so if you think it will work...I'm all for it
I'm inspired to update my profile in the same style
You must me fighting them off with a stick now. "
Yes I've even had to add shit to the end of the stick....it was getting that bad... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Ok...the views on my profile have gone up quite a bit....2345 last look... I've been sent at least 60 dick pics...(thank you) and 3 bum hole shots...( again thank you)
BUT ... not a single fanny photo...not even some battered spunk filled Keebab... what am I still doing wrong ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You haven't got any photos of poorly fitting fetishwear or pics taken in the reverse camera going up your nose. You haven't insulted anyone's intelligence whilst bringing your own personal standards into question - no profile is complete without the "needs to try to be able to hold a decent conversation" comment yanno.
Mentioning discretion as many times as possible and alluding to "nothing will shock me" and other hints towards the truly horrible sexual practices. I mean...why are you even making a profile if you haven't got a sweaty lorry cab bed encrusted with jizz ? Passive aggressive comments are missing from your profile as well as the all important cluster B personality disorder giveaways.
I mean, really, you can do better You'd tell us you can ?
Thanks for the fun though. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You haven't got any photos of poorly fitting fetishwear or pics taken in the reverse camera going up your nose. You haven't insulted anyone's intelligence whilst bringing your own personal standards into question - no profile is complete without the "needs to try to be able to hold a decent conversation" comment yanno.
Mentioning discretion as many times as possible and alluding to "nothing will shock me" and other hints towards the truly horrible sexual practices. I mean...why are you even making a profile if you haven't got a sweaty lorry cab bed encrusted with jizz ? Passive aggressive comments are missing from your profile as well as the all important cluster B personality disorder giveaways.
I mean, really, you can do better You'd tell us you can ?
Thanks for the fun though."
I truly value your well thought out advice... I think I've been holding back incase I could possibly aliante anyone... the way forward is just to let my true personality shine through...
Thanks again and if you want some dick pics sending give me a shout..  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You haven't got any photos of poorly fitting fetishwear or pics taken in the reverse camera going up your nose. You haven't insulted anyone's intelligence whilst bringing your own personal standards into question - no profile is complete without the "needs to try to be able to hold a decent conversation" comment yanno.
Mentioning discretion as many times as possible and alluding to "nothing will shock me" and other hints towards the truly horrible sexual practices. I mean...why are you even making a profile if you haven't got a sweaty lorry cab bed encrusted with jizz ? Passive aggressive comments are missing from your profile as well as the all important cluster B personality disorder giveaways.
I mean, really, you can do better You'd tell us you can ?
Thanks for the fun though.
I truly value your well thought out advice... I think I've been holding back incase I could possibly aliante anyone... the way forward is just to let my true personality shine through...
Thanks again and if you want some dick pics sending give me a shout.. "
Only if they are really unusual or taken at special angles or held in a stanglehold tightly at the base. Extra points for over dirty toilets with your brown underpants round your ankles OR taken in hotel rooms ( because you never get alone time on your own own/dare not get caught by your curiously suspicious wifey) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You haven't got any photos of poorly fitting fetishwear or pics taken in the reverse camera going up your nose. You haven't insulted anyone's intelligence whilst bringing your own personal standards into question - no profile is complete without the "needs to try to be able to hold a decent conversation" comment yanno.
Mentioning discretion as many times as possible and alluding to "nothing will shock me" and other hints towards the truly horrible sexual practices. I mean...why are you even making a profile if you haven't got a sweaty lorry cab bed encrusted with jizz ? Passive aggressive comments are missing from your profile as well as the all important cluster B personality disorder giveaways.
I mean, really, you can do better You'd tell us you can ?
Thanks for the fun though.
I truly value your well thought out advice... I think I've been holding back incase I could possibly aliante anyone... the way forward is just to let my true personality shine through...
Thanks again and if you want some dick pics sending give me a shout..
Only if they are really unusual or taken at special angles or held in a stanglehold tightly at the base. Extra points for over dirty toilets with your brown underpants round your ankles OR taken in hotel rooms ( because you never get alone time on your own own/dare not get caught by your curiously suspicious wifey) "
I can hold mine so tight ... I've actually fainted... that's got to be a talent in itself...will keep wearing the same pants for the next week...and then forward pictures. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You haven't got any photos of poorly fitting fetishwear or pics taken in the reverse camera going up your nose. You haven't insulted anyone's intelligence whilst bringing your own personal standards into question - no profile is complete without the "needs to try to be able to hold a decent conversation" comment yanno.
Mentioning discretion as many times as possible and alluding to "nothing will shock me" and other hints towards the truly horrible sexual practices. I mean...why are you even making a profile if you haven't got a sweaty lorry cab bed encrusted with jizz ? Passive aggressive comments are missing from your profile as well as the all important cluster B personality disorder giveaways.
I mean, really, you can do better You'd tell us you can ?
Thanks for the fun though.
I truly value your well thought out advice... I think I've been holding back incase I could possibly aliante anyone... the way forward is just to let my true personality shine through...
Thanks again and if you want some dick pics sending give me a shout..
Only if they are really unusual or taken at special angles or held in a stanglehold tightly at the base. Extra points for over dirty toilets with your brown underpants round your ankles OR taken in hotel rooms ( because you never get alone time on your own own/dare not get caught by your curiously suspicious wifey)
I can hold mine so tight ... I've actually fainted... that's got to be a talent in itself...will keep wearing the same pants for the next week...and then forward pictures. "
A week ??? Amateur !!! Wear them so long your butthole gets itchy and you end up poking your finger through them to get at your sweetmeat |
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"OK.. things have gone a bit stale for me on here and am opening up my mind to new ideas..
I gave my profile a spruce up today in the hope my inbox would light up...but alas it hasn't
Please review me and any criticism, thoughts, ideas or advice would be very welcome.
"
Do you do bareback though? The people want to know |
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It would be better with public photos that can be reverse image searched, for those wanting extra validity, to photos of micro-cocked men of the pre-1st world war period archives.
Otherwise, it can take some time, for people to build up their confidence to meet you. You'll improve message levels if you emphasise bareback requirements. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"OK.. things have gone a bit stale for me on here and am opening up my mind to new ideas..
I gave my profile a spruce up today in the hope my inbox would light up...but alas it hasn't
Please review me and any criticism, thoughts, ideas or advice would be very welcome.
Do you do bareback though? The people want to know"
Yes I'm fully prepared for bareback although by choice I prefer to keep my vest on... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"OP.
Your profile has all the attributes of any potential Television Show, say on Channel 4, on the true but secret ways on the best ways to meet Women.
Comedy Genius!"
If I actually ever get to meet any women or men or anyone really...then I will be the first to pitch it to chanel 4... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"So tiny or 8"  "
Unfortunately mine is the size of a tick tack.. but it's always good to know that your partner in crime can handle a decent size tool up the Gary.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So tiny or 8"
Unfortunately mine is the size of a tick tack.. but it's always good to know that your partner in crime can handle a decent size tool up the Gary.... "
Suppose it would make the DP easy |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"So tiny or 8"
Unfortunately mine is the size of a tick tack.. but it's always good to know that your partner in crime can handle a decent size tool up the Gary....
Suppose it would make the DP easy"
Peice of cake . I tend to open the back door.... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Ok maybe monster is not such a good name ... what about
Clunge magnet
Clunge hunter
Or even more refined
Professor Clunge
Maybe with a cheeky 69 at the end ?
All input welcome |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I love clunge??
This really is a great profile. Very informative. Possibly add a few 'action shots' into public viewing.
You also haven't stated whether you're 420 friendly?!? Might help out a little.
Good luck anyway you seem like a lovely guy... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I love clunge??
This really is a great profile. Very informative. Possibly add a few 'action shots' into public viewing.
You also haven't stated whether you're 420 friendly?!? Might help out a little.
Good luck anyway you seem like a lovely guy... "
Good point... will add now thanks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi all I am fairly new to the site
Finding it hard going
I am not Good at taking pics or talking about myself
Any tips on what I can do to make my profile sound better please feel free to message me and give pointers or advice
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hi all I am fairly new to the site
Finding it hard going
I am not Good at taking pics or talking about myself
Any tips on what I can do to make my profile sound better please feel free to message me and give pointers or advice
"
Good profile but take all your pictures in black and white....more artistic
Just remember there are about 150 guys to each woman....so it can take months/years to get your willy wet...
Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Clunge Plunger ?"
Yes.. I love a good plunge...the only problem is I've just started a new business offering profile advice and have ordered 30,000 business cards as Clunge Monster
..I'm sure they will go quickly though. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yeah I'm also a newbie and I'm struggling to get on on here,I'm just a genuine normal man but I feel I'm getting tarred with the same brush lol,have a great w.end all"
Its the odds on here that go against blokes...150 to 1 woman and a lot of those women are looking for fanny action aswell...
Have a good one |
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"Clunge Plunger ?
Yes.. I love a good plunge...the only problem is I've just started a new business offering profile advice and have ordered 30,000 business cards as Clunge Monster
..I'm sure they will go quickly though. "
Maybe buy a couple of bottles of Tippex ? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Clunge Plunger ?
Yes.. I love a good plunge...the only problem is I've just started a new business offering profile advice and have ordered 30,000 business cards as Clunge Monster
..I'm sure they will go quickly though.
Maybe buy a couple of bottles of Tippex ?"
You are a real problem solver.. when I have a multi million pound business reviewing people's swinging profiles ... I would like to offer you a job as my right hand person....or you could use your left if you prefer. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"How about I write a number on the back of each of your 30,000 business cards. Then when you get down to a certain number (69 for example ?) you know it's time to order some new ones ? "
You are definitely not just a pretty face.... that is brilliant...did you give the job any thought ? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
You are definitely not just a pretty face
How do you know ? You have never seen my face. I can assure you it is hideous. "
I was hoping you would say that...I need to stop masturbating thinking about you...please tell me you look like zelda from terrorhawkes or my mate Daves second wife.. now that's a face that could curdle milk...she was so ugly they had to tie a steak round her neck to get the dog to play with her.... |
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I am your mate Dave's second wife. Don't you recognize his red baize snooker table from my pics ? So many fond memories. He often used to chalk the tip of his penis then wank into a pocket while I pushed the pink ball up his arse. Then I would untie the steak from round my neck and fry it for his supper. He relished the taste of dog slobber. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I am your mate Dave's second wife. Don't you recognize his red baize snooker table from my pics ? So many fond memories. He often used to chalk the tip of his penis then wank into a pocket while I pushed the pink ball up his arse. Then I would untie the steak from round my neck and fry it for his supper. He relished the taste of dog slobber. "
Oh my days ... it is really you Ursala....I'm really sorry how things turned out with you and Dave...and I want you to know I had nothing to do with selling you to the goat farmer when we went on that group holiday to Sudan.. In fact I was the one who said that things had gone to far....plus how the fuck are we going to get three goats through customs....how did you escape ? That bloke was so keen on you...he reckoned with a face like yours they would never get another lion within 5 miles of his farm....that bloody snooker table rotted away in the end...damp and clymidia... glad I was shit at snooker though I never potted the pink. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This post is too funny!!!!!
Mr clunge magnet???
I personally think you should branch out and set up a website. Failing that, a popup advert??
Ps, can I have a job working from home?  her x |
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No cock pics. When it comes down to it that's what women want. I would load a up a few. Spread arse cheeks work as well, women can't resist a an "open and honest man"
You seem a bit shy also. Maybe try and be more assertive in your messaging.
Women like confident assertive guys and like to simply be led. So many men just sit back expecting the women on here to put in all the work.
Hope this helps op and we can arrange something once you have those photos up. |
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