FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > What could happen. It was going so well and then it went so wrong
What could happen. It was going so well and then it went so wrong
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Me and my amazing girlfriend had been talking about swinging for a long time we both found it a big turn on. i had a massive fantasy about watching her with a guy so we started to look we went though all the let down stuff and the time wasters as u do and finaly after 9months we felt like we had met the right guy. So i left it to my gf to sorted a 3some meet out. On the night of the meet as we where traveling to his we where both so nevers we got there and after drinks and some chat we all felt good gf went to both room and come back in to the room with the most amazing outfit on she was stunning well the fun started and lasted for hours. After we had finished and left we got in the car and she looked at me and said thankyou that was amazing. Well we got home and had the most amazing sex the next morning she felt fine and all day she told me how good it was. So as the week went on the guy and my gf where texting and i found that hot my gf asked me if i would like my biggest fantasy to come reality cause she wonted to meet this guy on her own and take loads of naughty pics for me so i said yes but only if ur 100% sure ur ok with it and she said yes she was so up for it. So untill the next meet we had the most amazing sex and we both made sure that we where totally fine with what was going to happen it felt so good we felt so close. Some people ill understand that and some won't. So the night of the meet come and i helped my gf get ready she looked amazing she was nerves but wonted it she kissed me so good and left for his she text when she got there and i text back and i never got a text for ages then it come i got a message saying .babe im having the most amazing night and iv taken u some pics. And then she send some amazingly hot pics. And then no more texts for ages. The next message was . Do u mind if i stay the night. So i said ye if ur ok with it. Well i couldn't sleep i was so turned on u next morning i text are u ok but nothing back then about 10am i got 1 saying hi sorry i never text we have been busy take a look at the pics i sent on email ill be home soon. Well i wated and wated and hell it was a funny feeling but a good 1 when she got back she looked at me and smiled we kissed it was amazing we both agreed we felt so close. Well time went by and she started to be funny everything i did was wrong and i could not do anything wright after about 3weeks she went off on 1 and started saying she couldn't handle what had happened and what i made her do and all this so i tried to talk but everything i said was wrong and in the end she finished with me. So i thought there most be more to this but there isn't she isn't with the guy she fucked or with any guy at all infact she just couldn't handle what she had done. I really hope this post helps any1 at all and if any1 can give me any advice pleas feel free. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
ohh hun i feel for you...
my only advice, slow down, i know that is no good now, but the frenzy when u discover swinging can take over...
On the fet scene there is a thing called sub frenzy, all subs seem to get it after the first time they play...they want to do everything right now...luckily the bdsm scene tends to be aware of it and warns newbies...i have seen it mant times on swinging sites, and wish it were more talked about.
Generally people tend to move into swapping separably, slowly and after a lot of discussion, the fact it turns you on isn't enough...you went too far too fast...
Thing is don't beat yourself up over it, she made her choices too...if u still love her try to talk,but dont blame , see if she will open up about the fact you both allowed yourselves to be caught up in something that needed cooler, calmer heads... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
And if you really love her then you need to decide what is more important to you: to continue your sexual explorations or to make a life with her. And if you choose her then be.prepared to possibly leave this behind for good with no regrets or backward looks.
Good luck and I hope both of you find peace with this. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
So sorry it turned out like this for you .
We knew from the start we would only swing together at all times - it was a step too far doing the night away etc.... As we are sure you now realise.
She may have thought you didn't care enough to have her effectively play away even with permission ?
We both hope it all sorts itself out and you both end up happy  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
i hope im not out of order here! (me being a newbie and all)!
but i read your post and when i was halfway through i thought you were going to finish by saying she left you for him! it really sounds to me like she got her feelings all messed up and didnt know how to handle it! as she was the one who proposed she spend the night with him it seems to me that she enjoyed it too much and the guilt niggled at her! talk it over with her if its not too late to do so and try to work it out!  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"i hope im not out of order here! (me being a newbie and all)!
but i read your post and when i was halfway through i thought you were going to finish by saying she left you for him! it really sounds to me like she got her feelings all messed up and didnt know how to handle it! as she was the one who proposed she spend the night with him it seems to me that she enjoyed it too much and the guilt niggled at her! talk it over with her if its not too late to do so and try to work it out! "
welcome newbie...and no posts that talk sense will evr be flamed  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"i hope im not out of order here! (me being a newbie and all)!
but i read your post and when i was halfway through i thought you were going to finish by saying she left you for him! it really sounds to me like she got her feelings all messed up and didnt know how to handle it! as she was the one who proposed she spend the night with him it seems to me that she enjoyed it too much and the guilt niggled at her! talk it over with her if its not too late to do so and try to work it out!
welcome newbie...and no posts that talk sense will evr be flamed "
cheers,  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
i think its a bit wrong her blaming you, she could have come home at any time and didnt have to stay the night, i can only assum she did because she wanted to at the time
So tho she may feel bad about it now its hardly your fault
Another thing came to mind, are you sure shes not using that as an excuse to split and theres another reason really thats shes covering up with this? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"i think its a bit wrong her blaming you, she could have come home at any time and didnt have to stay the night, i can only assum she did because she wanted to at the time
So tho she may feel bad about it now its hardly your fault
Another thing came to mind, are you sure shes not using that as an excuse to split and theres another reason really thats shes covering up with this?"
Thats ehat I thought |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Thanks for the post all i can tell u is i dont have any regrets with what happened i feel like it was both of us that did it not just me. It been a mouth now since the brake up and iv tried talking to her about it all but nothing i say at the moment works it all my falt and she hates me. Iv stayed cool about the brake up tho and haven't lost my rag with her so maybe in time we night sort somet out i really do hope so cause i really do feel she is the love of my life i know thats a big thing to say at 22 but that the way i feel. It is hurting like hell not talking to her but its no good if she won't understand and even if we get back together i would still like to swing but i think this could be a problem. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
Forum Mod |
"Thanks for the post all i can tell u is i dont have any regrets with what happened i feel like it was both of us that did it not just me. It been a mouth now since the brake up and iv tried talking to her about it all but nothing i say at the moment works it all my falt and she hates me. Iv stayed cool about the brake up tho and haven't lost my rag with her so maybe in time we night sort somet out i really do hope so cause i really do feel she is the love of my life i know thats a big thing to say at 22 but that the way i feel. It is hurting like hell not talking to her but its no good if she won't understand and even if we get back together i would still like to swing but i think this could be a problem. "
I really feel for you as from reading what you have said it seems like an awful place that you're both in right now,In the cold light of day it could possibly be that even though she asked to stay with this guy for the night all she really wanted was for you to say no I don't want you to stay there the night I want you back home with me?
Womens minds are complex and maybe she feels that if a man really loved her he would'nt be so keen to allow her to stay out all night? which is why shes feeling thats its your fault
Im not saying it is your fault im just trying to think of easons for such a change of heart and all this feeling of guilt and blame thats being thrown around
I hope in time you can get it sorted out in a good way |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I know this isn't the site to ask for relationship advice but id do anything to get back with my gf but she has got to wont to get back with me there is no point pushing her into it i know that the 1 thing i do have going for me is we had the most amazing relationship befor this and she always felt so happy well that what she said. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I know this isn't the site to ask for relationship advice but id do anything to get back with my gf but she has got to wont to get back with me there is no point pushing her into it i know that the 1 thing i do have going for me is we had the most amazing relationship befor this and she always felt so happy well that what she said."
Think you have done all that you can at this point.Perhaps just taking a step back and waiting to see if she contacts you would be wise.As you say no pint at all in trying to push her into resuming your relationship.
Keep your head down for a while and try to fill your time and thoughts with other things...dont blame yourself and dont keep going over in your head "if I had only done" "if I had only said" etc.
Hope this helps.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thanks for the post all i can tell u is i dont have any regrets with what happened i feel like it was both of us that did it not just me. It been a mouth now since the brake up and iv tried talking to her about it all but nothing i say at the moment works it all my falt and she hates me. Iv stayed cool about the brake up tho and haven't lost my rag with her so maybe in time we night sort somet out i really do hope so cause i really do feel she is the love of my life i know thats a big thing to say at 22 but that the way i feel. It is hurting like hell not talking to her but its no good if she won't understand and even if we get back together i would still like to swing but i think this could be a problem.
I really feel for you as from reading what you have said it seems like an awful place that you're both in right now,In the cold light of day it could possibly be that even though she asked to stay with this guy for the night all she really wanted was for you to say no I don't want you to stay there the night I want you back home with me?
Womens minds are complex and maybe she feels that if a man really loved her he would'nt be so keen to allow her to stay out all night? which is why shes feeling thats its your fault
Im not saying it is your fault im just trying to think of easons for such a change of heart and all this feeling of guilt and blame thats being thrown around
I hope in time you can get it sorted out in a good way "
i think this may have been the case some girls want to feel needed and want the guy to love them enough to be jealous xxx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I feel for you young traveller because I have been somewhere similar. A lot of good advice has been given and I would like to say well done to all those who contributed. You are all kind, freaks but kind
It wasn't your fault, if this is the REAL reason for the breakup. I say that because men are binary - on or off with few shades in between and you might be seeing what she says as the whole pic but it is likely not.
Unfortunately, unless u sit and have a full 'til the sun rises' heart to heart and patiently delve beyond the guilt, fears and insecurities, you will not be able to solve this. Patience.
Also, you need to ask yourself a really tough question. Now that you have entered polyamoury (intimacy with more than one partner) would you be ABLE to give it up entirely to be with her?  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
There are a lot of pitfalls to a lifestyle such as this, you only have to spend enough time talking to people to see that swinging isnt for everyone (obviously) and it takes the right sort of mindset from both of you for the wheels to come off entirely.
Also the problem is no one will know how they will feel till they actually do it which creates quite a bit of tension and unknown results again suggesting only delving into this lifestyle as a couple if you are incredibly secure and know each other inside and out |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
" it could possibly be that even though she asked to stay with this guy for the night all she really wanted was for you to say 'no I don't want you to stay there the night I want you back home with me'?
Womens minds are complex and maybe she feels that if a man really loved her he would'nt be so keen to allow her to stay out all night "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
