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Struggling to orgasm...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Does anyone struggle with achieving an orgasm? As in it happens just takes a decent while.
Ive watched other women in real life at clubs etc and they just seem to cum in minutes. Is there a ‘normal time’ to orgasm in?
Does it lead to faking or guilt over the time it takes to orgasm?
I’d love to hear others opinion and feelings. |
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By *edVelveteenCouple
over a year ago
Heaven in the Midlands |
Takes me forever to cum clitorally, but well worth the wait! Wish I could cum quicker cos my partner in crime doesn't have the patience. He always hits my g-spot, but I would love to cum that way for him. |
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I've recently realised I don't actually enjoy orgasms, when I manage one at all.
I find them rather overwhelming and unpleasant and not sure what all the fuss is about.
It's exceptionally rare I manage to orgasm alone, and no one else has come close to making me.
So you're not along in the challenge, and from my research many women struggle.
I've given up having an orgasm as a goal and hope this improves my enjoyment of sex and BDSM. After all, I enjoy giving a blowjob and having fun... Just focus on the journey rather than the destination. |
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By *usie pTV/TS
over a year ago
taunton |
Mmmm I do find this fascinating,do you girls mean difficulty reaching an orgasm with a partner but can achieve one OK when masturbating. I am sure my wife never reached an orgasm until I introduced her to rimming for our 25th wedding anniversary when she came very quickly may have even been her first one, she is very repressed sexually and will never say.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Are you on any medication? Sometimes that can affect it. Supposedly. I’m really hard to make cum so quite jealous of women who do seem to cum really easily. Prefer external stimulation but had my first G spot orgasm in 2019 and there were literally tears |
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Its a pretty reasonable known fact throught multiple studies that around 80% of woman are unable to orgasm from penetration alone and that it also takes an average of 15-20mins for a woman to reach an orsgasm from external stimulation.
Alot of it is down to how the female mind works.
Alot of woman are unable to "let go" due to the need to be in control constantly. They therefore struggle to achieve their full potential.
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"Does anyone struggle with achieving an orgasm? As in it happens just takes a decent while.
Ive watched other women in real life at clubs etc and they just seem to cum in minutes. Is there a ‘normal time’ to orgasm in?
Does it lead to faking or guilt over the time it takes to orgasm?
I’d love to hear others opinion and feelings. "
Sometimes faking it till you make it helps.
Being relaxed.
Knowing your own body, trying new things.
Reading mr grey or what ever that book is. women get more stimulated by what they hear and think.
I’d say being comfortable and relaxed is essential.
Try the women viagra 
|
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Years ago, I was on the mini pill for a few months and I found it almost impossible to orgasm. I stopped taking it and within two weeks I was back to my old self.
I also have trouble if I've had more than a couple of glasses of wine, as I just can't concentrate.
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I've had encounters where foreplay has had me in a multiple in minutes then I've had sex take ages or it happens quickly. It's different for me with each person, I just enjoy the journey and don't pressure myself to orgasm as that's not any help to anybody |
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Sometimes I can take a while but most of the time with enough foreplay I am able to get there. Sometimes if it is just a quickie I don't orgasm but I will never fake it. I always enjoy the ride but sometimes I have to get off early haha!
C x
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OP I think it's the same s men having a problem getting it up, the more you think about it the less likely it is to happen. As someone said earlier just enjoy the journey and go with the flow. Concentrate on the things that you enjoy anyway without an orgasm whether that's oral,penetration or lots of manual stimulation. Just enjoy! |
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By *WillowxWoman
over a year ago
Oo err Devon |
I enjoy orgasms and I think through experience and self Confidence with the right partner I am able to orgasm quite quickly most of the time... And more so when im super horny... I dohave a high sex drive and I would say practice has certai ly helped.. As
I certainly never could when I was younger... |
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By *rufinWoman
over a year ago
notts |
"Its a pretty reasonable known fact throught multiple studies that around 80% of woman are unable to orgasm from penetration alone and that it also takes an average of 15-20mins for a woman to reach an orsgasm from external stimulation.
Alot of it is down to how the female mind works.
Alot of woman are unable to "let go" due to the need to be in control constantly. They therefore struggle to achieve their full potential.
"
More chance with another woman than with a man, as well. That might be about feeling safer to let go, but might just be better technique and patience from the women.
The stats are a bit depressing for straight (and bisexual) women
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/heterosexual-women-orgasm-sex-less-other-demographics-lgbt-lesbian-gay-study-chapman-indiana-a7595181.html%3famp |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's something I can sometimes struggle with alone but with the right person isn't a problem.
A lot of it comes down to how relaxed I am and if I feel able to actually let go.
If I meet someone new it can sometimes take a while, not because they aren't good but because I'm a bit self conscious
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I've had 3 partners who I have managed to orgasm through penetration with.
I cum in secs when I play with myself.
I don't take it, I love the feel of being fucked and it takes me to a fabulous place. |
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There is no “normal” and everyone is different. There’s a great book called Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski that I highly recommend to you OP and anyone else interested in orgasms (particularly for vulvas).
I hate the word foreplay, it makes it seem like every other sex act is working up to the main event of penetration which is such a small part of the wonderful world of sex, magnified only because of its power to reproduce rather than focusing on pleasure. Do what feels good and try not to chase orgasms and you’ll have far better sex than putting unwanted pressure on particular acts or milestones. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's all about the build up for me.. if there's been plenty of teasing and touching.. I can come in seconds of penetration or oral.. I also enjoy edging and that leads to an intense explosion for me |
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"Its a pretty reasonable known fact throught multiple studies that around 80% of woman are unable to orgasm from penetration alone and that it also takes an average of 15-20mins for a woman to reach an orsgasm from external stimulation.
Alot of it is down to how the female mind works.
Alot of woman are unable to "let go" due to the need to be in control constantly. They therefore struggle to achieve their full potential.
More chance with another woman than with a man, as well. That might be about feeling safer to let go, but might just be better technique and patience from the women.
The stats are a bit depressing for straight (and bisexual) women
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/heterosexual-women-orgasm-sex-less-other-demographics-lgbt-lesbian-gay-study-chapman-indiana-a7595181.html%3famp"
Yup. Stats are properly depressing. But you have to think about the world modern woman live in. Constant barrage or need to look that way and this way. Men constantly treating woman like prey in a pack of wolves...
Let alone the whole sexualization of a womans bodies And the frowning upon masterbation and being sexually confident.
Oh no. Woman should be seen and not heard and produce childern when required!!!!
Most woman are so wound up that they can't ever truely release there inner orgasm....... |
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By *aigeWoman
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
"I take ages with a partner or by myself. I never fake it though, I either cum or I don't. Orgasm isn't the be all and end all for me though. I like to enjoy the experience.
Gem"
... and if you don’t you get to try again x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There is no “normal” and everyone is different. There’s a great book called Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski that I highly recommend to you OP and anyone else interested in orgasms (particularly for vulvas).
I hate the word foreplay, it makes it seem like every other sex act is working up to the main event of penetration which is such a small part of the wonderful world of sex, magnified only because of its power to reproduce rather than focusing on pleasure. Do what feels good and try not to chase orgasms and you’ll have far better sex than putting unwanted pressure on particular acts or milestones. "
This
Penetration is fine but rare I'll cum from it and certainly never in isolation. Its never the main event for me. It feels good to include it but never the thing that's going to get me off. |
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Relaxation is the absolute key - in most cases, especially if you can achieve orgasm alone, then the block is a mental one. Obviously you may also only be (more easily) able to come via one method (be it penetration or clitoral stimulation etc) so that would need to factor as how you play as a couple. Spending time with somebody you feel 100% relaxed with should eventually yield results but nothing is guaranteed - just do whatever feels comfortable and enjoyable and hopefully you’ll one day get there. I personally really enjoy lots of foreplay, a long build up and happy to do anything a partner requires of me to feel fulfilled, and I’m sure there’s lots of men out there that are exactly the same. Good luck OP! |
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By *rufinWoman
over a year ago
notts |
"There is no “normal” and everyone is different. There’s a great book called Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski that I highly recommend to you OP and anyone else interested in orgasms (particularly for vulvas).
I hate the word foreplay, it makes it seem like every other sex act is working up to the main event of penetration which is such a small part of the wonderful world of sex, magnified only because of its power to reproduce rather than focusing on pleasure. Do what feels good and try not to chase orgasms and you’ll have far better sex than putting unwanted pressure on particular acts or milestones. "
Completely agree about 'foreplay'. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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She can take quite a while, and depends on being relaxed and able to get her head into the right place. I bought her several different toys, and the best has been the womanizer, which has a slight sucking action. Combine that with me inside her and it can be very powerful. She couldn’t do multiples of something that intense, not within a short time anyway.
Ironically, on her own she can sometimes manage in a couple of minutes! (Maybe it’s me!)
 |
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By *wing66Couple
over a year ago
Burton-upon-trent |
"She can take quite a while, and depends on being relaxed and able to get her head into the right place. I bought her several different toys, and the best has been the womanizer, which has a slight sucking action. Combine that with me inside her and it can be very powerful. She couldn’t do multiples of something that intense, not within a short time anyway.
Ironically, on her own she can sometimes manage in a couple of minutes! (Maybe it’s me!)
"
The womanizer is fantastic, maybe a bit too intense at times though. The we-vibe is awesome for couples play. Don't take long for either of us to cum |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Great thread. This is why I like the forums. The insight from sharing is great. My body has no issue with orgasming, it's the head that causes a block. I need to feel super safe and relaxed and trust that my partner is interested in more than just racing to their own cum. I love edging, and again, having a partner who knows my body wel enough to read me and know, when to pull back and when to keep going. Yum! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"She can take quite a while, and depends on being relaxed and able to get her head into the right place. I bought her several different toys, and the best has been the womanizer, which has a slight sucking action. Combine that with me inside her and it can be very powerful. She couldn’t do multiples of something that intense, not within a short time anyway.
Ironically, on her own she can sometimes manage in a couple of minutes! (Maybe it’s me!)
The womanizer is fantastic, maybe a bit too intense at times though. The we-vibe is awesome for couples play. Don't take long for either of us to cum"
Another bit of fun is if I use the strap on - which is bigger than me! |
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By *urvySub87Woman
over a year ago
Near Wellingborough |
I find that it takes me a little while to achieve my first orgasm (depends on the partner as well) but once that first one hits it's like opening the flood gates and it's very easy to climax continously. I experienced my first anal orgasm last month. Now that was something else :D |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am so lucky in that I orgasm really easily, and over and over again. I am very highly sexed though.
Same for me  "
Curious as to how you define “highly sexed” what do you mean when you say that? |
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By *rufinWoman
over a year ago
notts |
For me, there's no connection to 'highly sexed' or not. There's also not much, if any, of a connection between speed,number of orgasms and power of orgasms. Or if there is ...it's that longer time to orgasm equals more powerful orgasms. I used to cum a lot quicker than I do now, but on the other hand, my orgasms now are incredibly intense and last a long time.
I highly recommend b vitamin supplements for great orgasms  Whenever mine get low intensity, I top up those b vitamins.
And a great sex partner - that definitely helps  |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"There is no “normal” and everyone is different. There’s a great book called Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski that I highly recommend to you OP and anyone else interested in orgasms (particularly for vulvas).
I hate the word foreplay, it makes it seem like every other sex act is working up to the main event of penetration which is such a small part of the wonderful world of sex, magnified only because of its power to reproduce rather than focusing on pleasure. Do what feels good and try not to chase orgasms and you’ll have far better sex than putting unwanted pressure on particular acts or milestones.
"
This is fantastic advice.
There's also a very useful website called OMGyes! that helps you truly explore your vulva and vagina - it really helped me to try different techniques of masturbating and feeling more comfortable in expressing what it is that I like. Orgasms aren't the be all and end all of sex for me - sometimes they happen quickly and other times they take a bit longer. Being truly relaxed with another and having honest communication about what does and doesn't work for me goes a long way towards helping. |
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By *OXO2018Couple
over a year ago
Norfolk |
Personally I really struggle, but I think thats because only very specific things make me orgasm, makes me feel so inadequate and not good enough to be played with especially in clubs so I've just become a great faker. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Do u girls have different levels of climax?
Like I always have mini-cums during sex, but it takes a lot 4 me 2 have nething bigger. I may have the big cum or orgasm (very rarely), and squirting (which seems a lot easier than in shud b) ...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Does anyone struggle with achieving an orgasm? As in it happens just takes a decent while.
Ive watched other women in real life at clubs etc and they just seem to cum in minutes. Is there a ‘normal time’ to orgasm in?
Does it lead to faking or guilt over the time it takes to orgasm? You need to be relaxed and in clubs with others around you sometimes it’s not that easy, I must say I love having other couples or singles watching me as I fuck, but with experience also most woman orgasm though oral sex than having full sex and like others has said some fake there orgasms too.
I’d love to hear others opinion and feelings. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I dont orgasm that easily I find, probably never from penetration unless there is some specific but quite gentle grinding going on. I worry to much about someone focusing on me wanting me to cum, Id almost rather it was an incidental thing, and if I dont at all I really dont mind I like all the other feelings almost more I think. Even if I do it myself I can pretty much only cum once, and funnily enough just before a period it is a real battle, I always know when I am due on  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There is no “normal” and everyone is different. There’s a great book called Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski that I highly recommend to you OP and anyone else interested in orgasms (particularly for vulvas).
I hate the word foreplay, it makes it seem like every other sex act is working up to the main event of penetration which is such a small part of the wonderful world of sex, magnified only because of its power to reproduce rather than focusing on pleasure. Do what feels good and try not to chase orgasms and you’ll have far better sex than putting unwanted pressure on particular acts or milestones.
This is fantastic advice.
There's also a very useful website called OMGyes! that helps you truly explore your vulva and vagina - it really helped me to try different techniques of masturbating and feeling more comfortable in expressing what it is that I like. Orgasms aren't the be all and end all of sex for me - sometimes they happen quickly and other times they take a bit longer. Being truly relaxed with another and having honest communication about what does and doesn't work for me goes a long way towards helping. "
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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago
Whitley Bay |
"Do u girls have different levels of climax?
Like I always have mini-cums during sex, but it takes a lot 4 me 2 have nething bigger. I may have the big cum or orgasm (very rarely), and squirting (which seems a lot easier than in shud b) ...
"
Yes .. lots of different kinds. And Constantly changing throughout life. It's great! Never boring! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
This is such a great thread, and what a relief to read.
I find it hard to cum, and usually have to do it myself. As others have said, it’s not my body, it’s me head that blocks it.
It’s nothing to do with being highly sexed, or who you’re with, or how great the sex is  .
Thanks for the tips, I’m going to check them out |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I’m a mental orgasmer (I know!not a word)
I go to clubs and rarely orgasm EVER
I never fake
However I can talk to someone or chat on here and get really turned on and I take that and i play it over in my mind THAT makes me cum x |
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"I’m a mental orgasmer (I know!not a word)
I go to clubs and rarely orgasm EVER
I never fake
However I can talk to someone or chat on here and get really turned on and I take that and i play it over in my mind THAT makes me cum x"
I can totally relate to the mental orgasmer, I get more turned on making lou cum and when I cum myself as the physical act to me feels more of a relief that a climax 
Ray |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’m a mental orgasmer (I know!not a word)
I go to clubs and rarely orgasm EVER
I never fake
However I can talk to someone or chat on here and get really turned on and I take that and i play it over in my mind THAT makes me cum x
I can totally relate to the mental orgasmer, I get more turned on making lou cum and when I cum myself as the physical act to me feels more of a relief that a climax
Ray"
Yes! An orgasm to me isn’t really important , I’m a prolific edger and can go ages without one but still feel like iv had sexual encounters . I’m very sapiosexual x |
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I can cum multiple times and within minutes of starting play... if I’m with the right person! I’ve never cum more than 3 times playing on my own though...
I never fake it and I’ve had great sex without orgasms too. I’ve also had no so great sex too...
I can cum through nipple play, clitoral, gspot, anal... I’d love to be able to cum through spanking
There is no ‘normal’ just enjoy yourself!
Ms x |
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This is a great thread which has only been replied to by a couple of neanderthal men thinking that all the posters need is their tongue 
I am opposite to a lot of women in that I find it much easier to orgasm from penetration than in any other way. However I sometimes feel that maybe I'm not really having an orgasm when I see other women having one... I try to just enjoy the experience and not get hung up on the orgasm.
Thanks for the book and website recommendations I think I'm going to check them out.
But as others have said, it's just good to share. Mrs H  |
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Off topic slightly...
Another thing I find is that I can be really turned on in my head but my pussy is dry and other times I don't feel particularly turned on mentally but I am dripping wet...
Does anyone else get this disconnect? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Also for me, having an orgasm isn’t the best part of sex (though it’s pretty fucking good) I was with someone for a couple of year and I would say he was pretty much my best sex ever but I don’t know if he alone ever made me cum. And some guys who I really had no interest in have made me cum. Depends on how you’re feeling, how relaxed, technique... too many things to count. Even with my husband sometimes I’ll cum so quick but then other times I’ve got too much on my mind and it’s just not gonna happen. Doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy myself. And I love getting fucked properly hard but it never makes me cum, it’s a different feeling |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Does anyone struggle with achieving an orgasm? As in it happens just takes a decent while.
Ive watched other women in real life at clubs etc and they just seem to cum in minutes. Is there a ‘normal time’ to orgasm in?
Like most are saying it depends on the guy n how relaxed you are.. I've had a guy make me orgasam through oral in under 2 minutes others it can take forever or just not happen..
Through sex I almost always orgasam. And repeatedly too with a regular playmate.
I'm also a squirter just wish some guys wouldn't see that as a goal to aim for.. Lol..
But once I'm relaxed n start I repeat....
Does it lead to faking or guilt over the time it takes to orgasm?
I’d love to hear others opinion and feelings. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Do u girls have different levels of climax?
Like I always have mini-cums during sex, but it takes a lot 4 me 2 have nething bigger. I may have the big cum or orgasm (very rarely), and squirting (which seems a lot easier than in shud b) ...
"
On a good day, she gets to a high plateau of excitement where the experience is incredibly intense such that she doesn’t want to finish. This can go on for several minutes before the finale. |
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"I’m a mental orgasmer (I know!not a word)
I go to clubs and rarely orgasm EVER
I never fake
However I can talk to someone or chat on here and get really turned on and I take that and i play it over in my mind THAT makes me cum x
I can totally relate to the mental orgasmer, I get more turned on making lou cum and when I cum myself as the physical act to me feels more of a relief that a climax
Ray
Yes! An orgasm to me isn’t really important , I’m a prolific edger and can go ages without one but still feel like iv had sexual encounters . I’m very sapiosexual x"
I'm demisexual never been able to climax with anyone I didn't have a bond with |
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By *rufinWoman
over a year ago
notts |
"This is such a great thread, and what a relief to read.
I find it hard to cum, and usually have to do it myself. As others have said, it’s not my body, it’s me head that blocks it.
It’s nothing to do with being highly sexed, or who you’re with, or how great the sex is .
Thanks for the tips, I’m going to check them out "
That's an interesting perspective. For me, it definitely depends on who I am with - how aroused I am, for a start, but also new partner (more nervous, can't let go as easily), whether they are trying to arouse me or just a bit shit and self-focussed (they don't get another go), even whether they are clumsy or too rough or unconfident. All makes a difference to me. Plus ...if they are dextrous with long fingers and good tongue technique - then that's the path to strong multiple orgasms for me. It's handy I suppose if you are less reliant on good technique or a connection to a partner. (I think it works that way for a lot of men) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This is such a great thread, and what a relief to read.
I find it hard to cum, and usually have to do it myself. As others have said, it’s not my body, it’s me head that blocks it.
It’s nothing to do with being highly sexed, or who you’re with, or how great the sex is .
Thanks for the tips, I’m going to check them out
That's an interesting perspective. For me, it definitely depends on who I am with - how aroused I am, for a start, but also new partner (more nervous, can't let go as easily), whether they are trying to arouse me or just a bit shit and self-focussed (they don't get another go), even whether they are clumsy or too rough or unconfident. All makes a difference to me. Plus ...if they are dextrous with long fingers and good tongue technique - then that's the path to strong multiple orgasms for me. It's handy I suppose if you are less reliant on good technique or a connection to a partner. (I think it works that way for a lot of men)"
With my fwb, he really knows what he’s doing, we have a great connection, he really turns me on and the sex is awesome.
It’s definitely in my head as I’ve had some negative experiences and that affects me. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"Off topic slightly...
Another thing I find is that I can be really turned on in my head but my pussy is dry and other times I don't feel particularly turned on mentally but I am dripping wet...
Does anyone else get this disconnect?"
Yep! Lube is my friend at times like those. Your vaginal lubrication can be affected by so many factors and it doesn't always signify that you're not turned on. I've felt really embarrassed before because I wasn't as wet as probably expected but really, no shame in it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’m a mental orgasmer (I know!not a word)
I go to clubs and rarely orgasm EVER
I never fake
However I can talk to someone or chat on here and get really turned on and I take that and i play it over in my mind THAT makes me cum x
I can totally relate to the mental orgasmer, I get more turned on making lou cum and when I cum myself as the physical act to me feels more of a relief that a climax
Ray
Yes! An orgasm to me isn’t really important , I’m a prolific edger and can go ages without one but still feel like iv had sexual encounters . I’m very sapiosexual x
I'm demisexual never been able to climax with anyone I didn't have a bond with "
Runs off to google |
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"Off topic slightly...
Another thing I find is that I can be really turned on in my head but my pussy is dry and other times I don't feel particularly turned on mentally but I am dripping wet...
Does anyone else get this disconnect?
Yep! Lube is my friend at times like those. Your vaginal lubrication can be affected by so many factors and it doesn't always signify that you're not turned on. I've felt really embarrassed before because I wasn't as wet as probably expected but really, no shame in it. "
Pleased to hear I'm not the only one . I find concentrating on pleasuring the other person/s usually does it for me both mentally and physically. |
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"I’m a mental orgasmer (I know!not a word)
I go to clubs and rarely orgasm EVER
I never fake
However I can talk to someone or chat on here and get really turned on and I take that and i play it over in my mind THAT makes me cum x
I can totally relate to the mental orgasmer, I get more turned on making lou cum and when I cum myself as the physical act to me feels more of a relief that a climax
Ray
Yes! An orgasm to me isn’t really important , I’m a prolific edger and can go ages without one but still feel like iv had sexual encounters . I’m very sapiosexual x
I'm demisexual never been able to climax with anyone I didn't have a bond with
Runs off to google "
I thought I was the only one who did this lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have to receive clitorial stimulation to bring me to orgasm. Penetration alone won’t do it.
I can bring myself off very quickly.
Oral will work too as long as the technique is right. In my experience another female usually knows exactly what that is
If I’m with another female I like to find out what they enjoy.
Also tribbing.... Wow! I’ve had some mind blowing orgasms. Love doing this!
V x |
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A very good friend gave me a Doxy massager for Christmas because of the difficulty I was having just getting"over the top". Definitely helping but still depends on where my head is at at the time. Feeling relaxed helps but so does some kind of visual stimulation. Just fun finding out what works really. Not always the same thing. |
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Yes! When I start chatting to people in here I come with a warning that I am pretty sure I am the hardest woman in the world to bring to orgasm and that I hope thet are up fort he challenge.
Even playing with myself with a wand can take over an hour to get me there...tgere have even been times when I've given up with no orgasm after 2 hours.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've never actually orgasmed, and that includes on my own. I actually get a lot, lot closer with others, provided they're talented than I do playing by myself.
I think there are a number of factors in why it hasn't happened. I suffer with a autonomic neuropathy which I think might play a huge part in why i can't orgasm, as I can get incredibly close sometimes
From talking to others who can cum I don't think there's a set amount of time it takes. Everybody is different
I would love to know if there is anyone else in my position. I feel like a failure and that it's my fault I can't orgasm
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This thread has actually given me some hope. I've only had my vagina for 2 years and just thought I was just doing everything wrong. That I'm not alone in this is hugely reassuring. Sorry for folk with same difficulty but it's really useful to know that it's still complicated even if born female. I do have some success but it's not always something I can replicate under similar conditions. The previous arrangement just required looking at it hard enough to work |
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1. Sex drive has nothing to do with ability to orgasm. I am highly sexed yet do not always have to orgasm every day...if I did I would get nothing done as a real true full orgasm totally wipes me out... I am like a man, I fall asleep and am good for nothing for a while after
2. I have “degrees” of orgasm...I can have many mini orgasms where my pussy will twitch and spasm if my clitoris is touched at the right ( or maybe wrong time) to the point that he can be mid stroke and if he or I touch my clit, the spasm can actually push him out ....I prefer this type of orgasm when playing a lot of the time as if I have full blown orgasm my clit becomes super sensitive ( like some guys where the end of the penis becomes too sensitive) and as per above a full blown orgasm that last for minutes means I become comatose
3. Yes women do fake it a lot of the time.... |
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Oh and 4. Yes it is all about the mind too....naughty visual stimulation, dirty talk and hearing and watching men cum make me orgasm quicker. With a vibrator alone an watching porn I can make myself cum in 2/3 minutes... but prefer hours of play with the mini orgasms with perhaps a full one at the end....but not necessary for me to have this as I will most certainly still have had a totally fulfilling sex without it |
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"Also for me, having an orgasm isn’t the best part of sex (though it’s pretty fucking good) I was with someone for a couple of year and I would say he was pretty much my best sex ever but I don’t know if he alone ever made me cum. And some guys who I really had no interest in have made me cum. Depends on how you’re feeling, how relaxed, technique... too many things to count. Even with my husband sometimes I’ll cum so quick but then other times I’ve got too much on my mind and it’s just not gonna happen. Doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy myself. And I love getting fucked properly hard but it never makes me cum, it’s a different feeling "
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"Off topic slightly...
Another thing I find is that I can be really turned on in my head but my pussy is dry and other times I don't feel particularly turned on mentally but I am dripping wet...
Does anyone else get this disconnect?"
. |
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"Do u girls have different levels of climax?
Like I always have mini-cums during sex, but it takes a lot 4 me 2 have nething bigger. I may have the big cum or orgasm (very rarely), and squirting (which seems a lot easier than in shud b) ...
"
Exactly this x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I cum really easily and multiple times both on my own, from my clit and through vaginal and anal penetration. It's a blessing and a curse, sometimes if I cum too much I get an awful headache after sex and can find my area really sensitive for a long time after wards as well |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"1. Sex drive has nothing to do with ability to orgasm. I am highly sexed yet do not always have to orgasm every day...if I did I would get nothing done as a real true full orgasm totally wipes me out... I am like a man, I fall asleep and am good for nothing for a while after
2. I have “degrees” of orgasm...I can have many mini orgasms where my pussy will twitch and spasm if my clitoris is touched at the right ( or maybe wrong time) to the point that he can be mid stroke and if he or I touch my clit, the spasm can actually push him out ....I prefer this type of orgasm when playing a lot of the time as if I have full blown orgasm my clit becomes super sensitive ( like some guys where the end of the penis becomes too sensitive) and as per above a full blown orgasm that last for minutes means I become comatose
3. Yes women do fake it a lot of the time...."
What a great answer!
You could be describing me.
V |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Fella here. I really struggle to cum with anyone other than the Mrs. In clubs I can go forever and to be honest gets a little boring after a while. Always happy to return to the Mrs so I can finish. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I only started to find it hard to orgasm after I’d used a wand a little too often.
I really thought I was broken after I stopped using it but I’m slowly getting there again.
My problem is I know I need to relax more and not think about it because otherwise I get really frustrated when it doesn’t happen |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh thank you for this thread ladies..
I orgasm easily thru masturbation but never through penetration. And so far not one lover has given me an orgasm. Why?!
The longer it goes on the more stressed I've become over it. Which of course is a vicious circle.
I used to orgasm in my sleep! I'd have an erotic dream and wake up as I was cumming. But this hasn't happened for some time.
I also worry that relying on dildos and porn means that I'm finding it harder to cum without this stimulus. Am I overthinking it ladies?! |
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By *inful xWoman
over a year ago
In a sleepy little village |
I've never had an orgasm via penetrative sex with a man ( only ever via oral) I doubt I ever will. I can with a rabbit though. Maybe it is about being relaxed enough but I don't worry about it as long as a good time is had
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I have never had an orgasm through penetration sex.
Hubby can make me orgasm through oral and I can do it using toys. But no other guy or lady has managed it without the use of toys.
I seem to take forever too... Most guys see it as a challenge. They try and they fail! |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
Takes me forever. Then I get paranoid it’s taking forever and then the moment has passed! I like to be made to cum in quite a specific way too - I can’t just have one from being ploughed. They have to get inside my head a bit. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Have absolutely loved reading this and realising that normal isn’t being able to cub as soon as some one touches you or penetrates you and it’s ok to just let your body do it’s thing whatever ‘it’s thing’ is. I only cum from penetration in a certain position and it can be hit and miss how long it takes or if it happens at all. There has only been three times I’ve managed to cum from clitoral stimulation and it has always been on my own with a wand.
I will squirt really easily from fingering my g spot but it is a different sensation and while I have learnt to enjoy it it doesn’t feel like an orgasm. Most men assume that because they have made me squirt then they made me cum.
Some of my favourite positions won’t ever make me orgasm but I still absolutely love them. Orgasms are nice but they don’t make or break a good session for me. |
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By *edVelveteenCouple
over a year ago
Heaven in the Midlands |
"Off topic slightly...
Another thing I find is that I can be really turned on in my head but my pussy is dry and other times I don't feel particularly turned on mentally but I am dripping wet...
Does anyone else get this disconnect?"
Something I've noticed just recently. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP you aren’t alone, this is something I have struggled with in the past. Things are so much better now.
It was a mind thing for me, convinced myself in the end that I couldn’t, and therefore wouldn’t. I had to break down that barrier and actually just relax, breathing was important as I was holding my breath too long at the point of climax and then nothing. I was also transfixed in making who I was with to bring them to orgasm, it was I’m my mind more important for them to achieve than me...now this was me thinking That was a good thing but it wasn’t as they were disappointed that they couldn’t.
So after a lot of relaxing and just enjoying it I found my orgasms again and haven’t looked back, with the right person I cum so heavily, and enjoy it so much. Just don’t beat yourself up, you will get there and I so hope you achieve that wonderful sensation again soon. Great reading this post some brilliant comments, good luck to you all Happy Fabbing x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nigh on impossible for me with a partner, no idea why, but has always been difficult. Manage fine on my own but usually still takes time unless I am really horny. I have tried toys with partners, still rarely works.
I never fake, if I do cum great, if I don't still great, I enjoy the whole sexual experience regardless. I can squirt though, totally different feeling to my orgasm, but very pleasurable.
My only issue is like the OP feeling somehow missing out when seeing and hearing other women coming so easily and often in meets/clubs. Does sometimes leave me thinking sometimes. But I am always honest and upfront about it, and state that it is absolutely no reflection on my partner's techniques, stamina etc. Has been an issue for some guys (their loss lol) but I find most men appreciate the honesty and accept it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This has been my favouite fab thread to date, such open and honedt sharing. I love it. This might appeal to some of you.
There's an online erotic challenge in orgasm coaching/ exploring January 19- 23rd.
Totalfreedomofpleasure.com.
It was recommended by a friend of mine, so I'm going to check it out. Have a look and see if it resonates. |
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"This has been my favouite fab thread to date, such open and honedt sharing. I love it. This might appeal to some of you.
There's an online erotic challenge in orgasm coaching/ exploring January 19- 23rd.
Totalfreedomofpleasure.com.
It was recommended by a friend of mine, so I'm going to check it out. Have a look and see if it resonates."
We need to have a look !
We do love to play the game of O  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This has been my favouite fab thread to date, such open and honedt sharing. I love it. This might appeal to some of you.
There's an online erotic challenge in orgasm coaching/ exploring January 19- 23rd.
Totalfreedomofpleasure.com.
It was recommended by a friend of mine, so I'm going to check it out. Have a look and see if it resonates."
Definitely checking this out thanks x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There is no “normal” and everyone is different. There’s a great book called Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski that I highly recommend to you OP and anyone else interested in orgasms (particularly for vulvas).
I hate the word foreplay, it makes it seem like every other sex act is working up to the main event of penetration which is such a small part of the wonderful world of sex, magnified only because of its power to reproduce rather than focusing on pleasure. Do what feels good and try not to chase orgasms and you’ll have far better sex than putting unwanted pressure on particular acts or milestones. "
It's a great book. Very insightful. |
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